All language subtitles for Married With Children S05E08 Wabbit Season MULTi 1080p AMZN WEB-DL H264-Mixio_track4_[eng]

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me, miss.

Is this man bothering you?

Bud, I warned you about eating
all that cheese.

Where are the old people?

Well, Dad's down at the store.

They're having that midnight sale.

You probably heard it on the radio.
They keep playing...

...that old song, "After Midnight
We're Gonna Sell a Lot of Shoes."

Work's a bummer.

I'm glad I'm a pretty girl
so I'll never have to.

- Oh, that reminds me. Where's Mom?
- Oh, she went to pick him up.

We got a call.
Something about him flipping out.

After midnight,
we're gonna sell a lot of shoes.

- Hi, Daddy.
- Hello, miss.

You wanna buy a lot of shoes?

- I have shoes, Daddy.
- He doesn't recognize you, honey.

Shoes?

Come on, sweetheart,
sit down over here.

We're home now, sweetie.
You remember. Two kids, a dog.

A room upstairs
where you disappoint your wife.

Well, there's only one way
to snap him out of this.

That's how I like to see you.

Oh, Peg, it was horrible.

Sixteen straight hours
of shoe-selling mayhem.

Last thing I remember,
I was down on one knee...

...waiting on an overflowing glacier
of a woman.

First thing they teach you
when you're a rookie shoe salesman...

...is when you got a fat one
in the chair, never look up.

Well, I looked up, Peg.

I saw underwear.

It said "Saturday."

- So what?
- Today's Wednesday!

Anyway, the next thing I knew,
I was insane.

Take a good look
at your future, rat boy.

So, honey, tell us
what the doctor said.

Well, he found two interesting things.

That's two more than I've ever found,
I wonder where he was looking.

I'm just kidding, honey.
We really do care.

So, what did the doctor say?

Well, he said from
your home cooking...

...my stomach
is the size of a quarter...

...and that I suffer from stress.

Stress? How could you get stress?

You don't do anything but get up
and go to work.

Well, maybe he got it
from a toilet seat.

It would have shown up
long before this, honey.

Stress. Al, that is ridiculous.

How in the world
would someone like you get stress?

Well, the doctor thinks
it might be the wife.

Well, very nice. So now it's my fault...

...that you have a go-nowhere job
and absolutely no ambition at all.

Why, you know, if it wasn't for me
telling you day after day...

...to get up, get to work
and do something, for God's sake...

...you wouldn't be bringing home
the chump change that you are.

Stress.

Mom, don't you think that
we should be nice to Daddy?

You know, with him being
out of his M-I-N-E-D.

Yes, honey, you're right.

It is the woman's lot in life
to always carry the man.

Always the helper,
never the helped.

So, what did the doctor say
you should do, you big sissy?

Well, he said I should maybe
find myself a relaxing hobby.

You know, start a vegetable garden.

A vegetable garden?

Well, you started one of those
when you had Kelly.

Hey...

...I thought we were supposed to be
making fun of Dad here.

You're right, honey.

A vegetable garden.

Can you see your father
in a vegetable garden?

Hey, I can see myself
in a vegetable garden.

Out in the open air,
working with the land...

...and growing stuff and eating it.

Yep, that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna grow myself the bestest
vegetable garden in the world.

I'm gonna grow me beans
and tomatoes, potatoes.

Ham and corn.

Fish. Fish, them little shrimps
that I like.

Bread. Home-grown bread.

And butter.
And pizza with extra cheese.

Kids, does anyone else sense
doom around here?

Vegetable garden

I think we all sense it, Mom.

Corn

Kids, soon all this will be yours.

Well, golly.

Hey, where'd you learn to farm
and speak like a hick, Daddy?

Well, kids, all you really need
for farming is the right tools...

...a farming state of mind...

...and your very own copy
of Farmer Iggy's Almanac.

Let's see what the Iggster has to say
this morning.

"Plant in the morning,
vegetables a-borning."

Thanks a lot, Mom.
Keen choice of dads.

Look, Peg, the corn is as high
as an elephant's eye.

Oh, honey, I couldn't be
prouder of you...

...if you thought
you were Napoleon.

Come, look at my beans, Peg.

Been a long time since you've seen
a bean that size, eh, babe?

Yeah, you sure know
how to grow them, honey.

Soon we will have
a bountiful harvest.

And you'll be cooking,
a-canning and a-serving.

And I'll be eating,
a-belching and a-purging.

Yep, it's been a long time
since we've been this happy, eh, babe?

Wanna cheek a Red Man?

- You're still not well, are you?
- Not by a long shot.

But I'm happy.

And get thee in the house, woman.
As Farmer Iggy says:

"Wife standing near,
soon comes a tear."

Well, I thought she'd never leave.

Now it's just you and me, eh, guys?

Old McBundy had a farm
B-U-N-D-Y

And on this farm there was no wife
B-U-N-D-Y

With a no wife here
And a no kids there

A hooker coming over
On Friday nights

With big luscious hooters
And a pizza and a beer there

Old McBundy had a farm
B-U-N-D-Y

I never felt so relaxed.

Hey, rabbit! Give me back my carrots.

Bite me, will you?
Well, listen to this, buddy:

No one bites Al Bundy and lives!

Kiss your bonny bunny butt
goodbye, rabbit.

Because you're one dead--

Peg, he peed on me!

Hey, Kel, did you hear
about Billy's dad?

He just made vice president
of his company.

Hey, Bud, did you know
that Holly's dad...

...after many long years of work,
started his own company?

Well, this must be the year
of the successful dad.

Let's see how yours is doing.

Let's see if you can swim as well as
you can steal, you bucktoothed bandit.

Is he not successful too...

...who foams from the mouth
and lies sputtering on the ground?

Gardening has calmed me down
and you just can't stand it, can you?

You'll be cheering me when this bunny
comes floating belly up.

Yeah, you'll be a real hero, Dad.
We can hear them singing now:

"Killed him a bunny when he was 43."

No rabbit's foot for you, young lady.

Dad, you've had the hose on for
four hours and the ground isn't wet.

- Where's all that water going?
- How should I know where it's going?

I don't know where it's coming from
when it comes out of the hose.

I just-- I just wish I could go with it.

I hear some squishing sounds.

What did you do?

Hey, Marcie.

- What happened to you?
- What happened to me?

I finally got a date.

A successful man. A handsome man.

Sure, he was married,
but he was gonna leave her.

He told me so. He told me
his wife didn't understand him.

Like what's so hard to understand
about a 40-year-old man...

...who likes to be spanked
for his sins?

Anyway, we get back to my house...

...I open the door
and step into my living-room pond.

It seems that some idiot
stuck a hose in the ground...

...and left the water on all day.

So I was wondering, have you seen
an idiot with a hose anywhere?

Marcie, you've given me a good idea.
Bring your head here by the hole.

He'll think it's a cabbage
and we'll have him.

Look, Al, we all appreciate the fact
that you're insane...

...and that you need a relaxing hobby,
but maybe this gardening thing...

...is just a little too challenging
at this point in your life.

Have you tried Silly Putty
on the comics page?

He has, he just couldn't
get the egg open.

Oh, well.

I will be sending you a bill
for the damage.

And if you do not pay, I will sue you
for everything you've got.

And that includes my garbage cans.

Great, that leaves us
with nothing in the will.

Well, I guess we're just gonna
have to make it on our good looks.

See you on skid row, bacon face.

We're all getting cranky, Al.

- Did you get that rabbit yet?
- Are you kidding me?

I must've poured a million gallons
of water down that hole.

I flooded the whole block
and every living thing in it.

Now, if that rabbit's still alive...

...I'm yours tonight.

You know, the sad part is
I don't really want him.

But a promise is a promise.

Now look what you've done!

You haven't seen the worst of me,
I'm telling you! I'll get you for this.

I'll make you pay for this,
I'm telling you!

Okay, I'm all through
with the poison now.

You can take off your masks. Not you,
Peg. Yours wasn't working anyway.

Bud, Dad said that you could
take your mask off.

- Eat Dad's okra.
- Lick his onions.

Kids!

Kids, let's not forget
that Daddy is the enemy here.

There, now that's better.

Honey, do you think it's wise...

...to indiscriminately spray poison
on a windy day?

If you wanna make a rabbit omelet,
sometimes you gotta break some eggs.

But don't worry about it.
I read the directions very carefully.

It's nontoxic to everything
but rabbits.

Hi there.
Anyone been spraying poison?

Why do you ask?

Well, there I was,
out in our back yard, you know...

...drying my TV from the flooding...

...when a bald eagle came to drink
from my bird feeder.

We haven't had a bald eagle
spotted in this area for years.

I know. They're very rare
and beautiful.

Except when they're twitching
and hacking their guts out on my lawn.

You really should have seen it,
it was quite an excruciating death.

Way to go, Al.

Why don't you throw one of your socks
out the window...

...and try for the last dodo?

Well, I like to think
that I'm the last dodo, Peg.

But more importantly,
I'm gonna have some vegetables.

Because there's no way that rabbit
could have survived...

...that death cloud I let loose
on the neighborhood.

It lives.

Okay, fine.

I didn't ask for a hobby.
I hate vegetables.

But I need that garden
to relieve my stress, damn it!

And I will have that garden...

...if I have to kill every single living
thing in this entire stinking planet.

This is war.

Al, what are you doing?

Be very, very quiet.

I'm hunting rabbit.

Oh, boy.

Daddy, let me give you some advice.

I've been watching
these television shows about rabbits.

Don't put the barrel of the gun
down the hole.

Because what they do...

...is they'll tie it in a knot
so that it explodes in your face.

Or sometimes what they'll do is they'll
make it really long and curved...

...so that it comes up
from a hole behind you...

...and you shoot yourself
in the butt.

To be forewarned
is to have four arms.

Well, Princeton's loss
is the Gap's gain.

Oh, Mr. Rabbit...

...come and get a tasty carrot.

Well, at least he didn't shoot himself
in the foot.

Give him a minute.

Oh, my foot!

What's he doing now?

Well, he's got the flamethrower...

...he's aiming it at the hole.

He shoots...

...and misses.

- Garden on fire?
- Yep.

And so is Mrs. Rhoades' fence.

Whoa, look at her big tree go.

Well, at least he didn't shoot himself
in the foot.

Give him a minute.

Oh, my foot!

I'm on fire! I'm on fire!

So this is how it ends, eh, Mom?

As long as it ends.

- Daddy?
- What?

Nothing.

Good.

Now, I put this down his little hole...

...and I light the fuse
and, "Bye-bye, rabbit."

The fuse is lit, and we'll be hit
by bunny bits any second now.

Now do you see the importance
of an education, kids?

Dad, before your fingers
hit pay dirt...

...you sure you didn't use
too much dynamite?

If dynamite was dangerous, do you
think they'd sell it to an idiot like me?

Now, nothing can go wrong.
I've taken every precaution.

Including making sure
it was nowhere near a gas line?

Hit the dirt.

You know, it's such a beautiful day.

I hardly miss the house at all.

It was a nice explosion,
wasn't it?

But on the good side, the ensuing fire
did dry out my living room.

But the sun would have done that
anyway since I no longer have a roof.

Well, that's odd. We have two.

Yeah, one for each wall in my room.

Nobody's asked me
how my stress is.

Oh, we're sorry.

How's your stress, lint-for-brains?

I'm mellow. You know why?

You don't see a rabbit out here,
do you?

Sure don't, honey. You did real good.

That's all I wanted to hear.

You know, I really feel good.

Carrot?

That's Al, folks.