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1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:03,810
Hey, good news, everybody.
2
00:00:03,910 --> 00:00:05,570
I have used my considerable
charm and influence
3
00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:07,570
to get us a private room
at Tribeca Grill
4
00:00:07,670 --> 00:00:09,820
to celebrate the mayor's
state of the city address.
5
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,920
There will be an open bar.
6
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,080
I'm saying there
will be an open bar.
7
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,600
Shh. Look.
8
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:19,940
Who's that
sweet-looking
young woman
9
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,190
and why
is she talking
to Stuart?
10
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,790
As disturbing
and shocking
as it may seem
11
00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:25,910
we have reason
to believe
12
00:00:26,010 --> 00:00:28,250
she might actually
be Stuart's girlfriend.
13
00:00:29,890 --> 00:00:32,050
No, there's gotta be
a logical explanation
for this.
14
00:00:33,140 --> 00:00:34,800
She's serving him
a subpoena.
15
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,900
Mike,
this is Carolyn.
16
00:00:37,740 --> 00:00:39,560
Hi, Carolyn.
Mike Flaherty.
17
00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:41,200
I know.
Stuie's told me
18
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:43,300
so many great things
about you.
19
00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,130
Oh, Stuie has,
has he?
Mmm-mmm.
20
00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:48,850
Carolyn...
Cara...Carolynnn.
21
00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:50,930
It's an exotic name.
22
00:00:51,030 --> 00:00:53,010
Are you a U.S. citizen?
23
00:00:53,110 --> 00:00:55,390
Oh, yeah. Born and bred
right here in Manhattan.
24
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,980
Stuart, I gotta run.
25
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,940
It was really nice
meeting everyone.
26
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,040
Hmm-mmm.
Nice.
27
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,080
I'll keep it for later.
28
00:01:12,970 --> 00:01:14,030
Hey, Stuart.
29
00:01:14,130 --> 00:01:15,390
Huh?
30
00:01:15,490 --> 00:01:18,050
Your girlfriend,
she seems very...
31
00:01:18,810 --> 00:01:19,750
normal.
32
00:01:19,850 --> 00:01:21,950
So I'm dating a nice,
normal woman.
33
00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:23,040
What's the big deal?
34
00:01:23,140 --> 00:01:24,680
Nothing.
No, no, no.
35
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,000
She's exactly
the kind of
nice, normal woman
36
00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,720
I always thought
you'd be with.
37
00:01:28,820 --> 00:01:30,820
Only I figured
she'd be more...
38
00:01:31,260 --> 00:01:33,260
inflatable.
39
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,870
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
40
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,100
Well, sir, we've got a busy
couple of days ahead of us.
41
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,220
I've set up a series
42
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,460
of strategic meetings
and appearances
43
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,300
culminating
in your state of
the city address.
44
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,220
It's an opportunity
for us to look back
in pride
45
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,430
at the last year.
46
00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:02,530
What's it all about,
Mike?
47
00:02:04,570 --> 00:02:05,910
Well, sir,
this is politics,
48
00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:07,150
so unless it's
a trick question,
49
00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:09,250
I'm gonna go
with "winning."
50
00:02:10,290 --> 00:02:11,430
Oh, let's face it.
51
00:02:11,530 --> 00:02:12,960
There's just been one
blunder after another
52
00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:15,720
in both my personal life
and my political life.
53
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:17,720
That's what this speech
should say.
54
00:02:17,820 --> 00:02:18,880
Well, you know,
actually it does.
55
00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:20,640
It does, sir.
Right here, look at this.
56
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,040
"Of course,
this administration
57
00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:24,120
"Has faced
small setbacks...
Mmm.
58
00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:26,230
"But we've corrected them
and learned from them."
59
00:02:27,630 --> 00:02:29,630
It's got "blunder"
written all over it.
60
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,010
I killed an ex-mayor, Mike.
61
00:02:33,110 --> 00:02:34,610
But we learned
from that.
62
00:02:34,710 --> 00:02:35,770
How many ex-mayors
63
00:02:35,870 --> 00:02:37,880
did you kill
after that?
64
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,540
I've offended
the gay community,
65
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,340
I have poisoned
the homeless,
66
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,340
I've alienated
the women's action caucus,
67
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,860
and I made a mockery
of the deaf.
68
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,140
Look, we have lived up
69
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,310
to 70%
of our campaign
promises.
70
00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:51,790
Let's face it,
the other 30%
71
00:02:51,890 --> 00:02:53,890
we pretty much knew
were impossible
coming in.
72
00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:56,750
Maybe you're right.
73
00:02:56,850 --> 00:02:58,910
It's not my job
to depress the city.
74
00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:01,430
It's my job
to uplift this city.
75
00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,720
And that's what this
speech is all about.
76
00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:05,120
This isn't the end
of a bad year,
77
00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,220
it's the beginning
of a great new one.
78
00:03:08,140 --> 00:03:09,680
Exactly.
79
00:03:09,780 --> 00:03:11,600
Mr. Mayor?
Huh?
80
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:13,740
Your lawyer just dropped off
your divorce papers.
81
00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:21,370
You're in a very,
uh...
82
00:03:21,470 --> 00:03:23,250
A very good
place here, sir.
83
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:25,350
Let's try
and stay positive.
84
00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:28,740
It's official.
85
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,840
I'm the biggest loser
in the history of time.
86
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,920
That's the spirit.
87
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,060
Hey, there, roomie.
88
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,170
Hey, there...
roomie.
89
00:03:40,810 --> 00:03:42,950
Today's the day,
Paulie.
90
00:03:43,050 --> 00:03:45,050
We're moving
in together.
91
00:03:45,530 --> 00:03:47,590
That's today?
92
00:03:47,690 --> 00:03:48,670
Yes, Paul.
Look at your
93
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:52,090
365-new-words-a-year
calendar.
94
00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:54,080
Absquatulate.
95
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,240
Slang for "escape."
96
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,200
It's ironic.
97
00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,760
Listen. You're
a little nervous.
98
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,600
So am I.
It's natural.
99
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,040
But it's gonna be fine,
100
00:04:03,140 --> 00:04:04,200
so just give me
the keys,
101
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:06,330
and I'll have
a celebration dinner
waiting.
102
00:04:06,430 --> 00:04:08,690
Okay, right now,
I just don't know...
103
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,330
I had them around here
somewhere. I just...
104
00:04:11,430 --> 00:04:13,730
I hear them
jingling, Paul.
105
00:04:13,830 --> 00:04:15,730
No, that's,
that's my change.
106
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:16,850
Well, how
do you know that
107
00:04:16,950 --> 00:04:18,060
if you don't
stick your hands
in pockets?
108
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,280
What is this,
the Spanish Inquisition?
109
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:24,180
I know what my keys
sound like and what
my change sounds...
110
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:26,420
I found them.
111
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,180
You know, Paul?
112
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,390
I don't want to feel
like I'm forcing you.
113
00:04:30,490 --> 00:04:32,270
Just because I've
given up my lease,
114
00:04:32,370 --> 00:04:33,590
moved out of
my apartment,
115
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,550
and everything I own
is crammed in a U-Haul
116
00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,990
parked illegally
in a fire lane...
117
00:04:38,090 --> 00:04:39,990
That is no reason
you should feel
obligated
118
00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:41,230
to keep your word
to me
119
00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:43,340
and begin our life
together.
120
00:04:44,380 --> 00:04:46,500
Hey... I'm sorry.
121
00:04:49,780 --> 00:04:50,800
I do love you.
122
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,520
Oh...
123
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,690
Okay, this is
the front door key.
Okay.
124
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,330
And this is
the deadlock bolt.
Got it.
125
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,650
And this is
the mailbox key,
126
00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:59,490
but I better
keep that.
127
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:00,850
It says
"do not duplicate."
128
00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:02,950
You can get in
big trouble for that.
129
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:06,850
I mean, sure,
I said we would
move in together,
130
00:05:06,950 --> 00:05:10,260
but in my mind,
that's like being
engaged to be engaged.
131
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,340
So now you're moved
to move in.
132
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,980
Yes! This is why
I talk to you.
133
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,820
So what do you think
I should do?
134
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,750
Oh, uh, you know...
I hear what
you're saying, Paul,
135
00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:21,850
and I really care
about this, so, um...
136
00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:24,930
Gimme a call at home.
137
00:05:25,770 --> 00:05:26,790
You'll be there?
138
00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:28,390
Oh, definitely.
Definitely.
139
00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:30,490
Yeah, yeah, either
me or my machine.
140
00:05:32,780 --> 00:05:35,280
Sorry, Mike,
one quick thing.
Uh-huh?
141
00:05:35,380 --> 00:05:36,600
I got the mayor's
notes back
142
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,560
on my first draft
of the state of
the city speech.
143
00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:40,480
All right, so go ahead
and make the changes.
144
00:05:40,580 --> 00:05:44,000
Mike, he wrote,
"Why me?" On every page.
145
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,390
And then on the back,
he doodled a picture
of his own tombstone.
146
00:05:47,790 --> 00:05:49,130
This is an easy one,
James.
147
00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:50,730
You just...
Wow.
148
00:05:50,830 --> 00:05:53,750
"Randall Winston.
1947-1997."
149
00:05:55,150 --> 00:05:57,160
Doesn't give us
much time, does it?
150
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:01,900
In the next installment
in your tax dollars at work,
151
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,060
the city has purchased
30 new street sweeping
vehicles.
152
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,500
Any questions, comments?
153
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,600
I got a question.
154
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,390
Why do we need
all those things for?
What's the point?
155
00:06:11,490 --> 00:06:14,030
Are we gonna clean
the same street
three times a day?
156
00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:16,130
Most people don't
even brush their
teeth that often.
157
00:06:19,570 --> 00:06:20,830
Uh, sir,
158
00:06:20,930 --> 00:06:23,440
normally
we save grilling
of the administration
159
00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:25,080
for the press.
160
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:27,660
We keep spending
and spending.
161
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,600
We got nothing
to show for it.
162
00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:33,800
Just wish
I could account for
all the waste.
163
00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:35,330
Well, that's what
we got the street
cleaners for.
164
00:06:35,430 --> 00:06:38,670
To take
care of the waste.
Paul, take it away.
165
00:06:41,430 --> 00:06:44,310
Well, that concludes
the debate portion of
today's press conference.
166
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,300
Framboise beer?
Who brought this?
167
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,560
I thought you guys
would like it.
It's berry-flavored.
168
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,460
I prefer the
beer-flavored beer.
169
00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,350
What's with this
whole new policy of
mandatory socializing?
170
00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:03,430
Finally get a night off,
and we have to
hang out together.
171
00:07:03,530 --> 00:07:04,750
Look,
Paul's bringing
the mayor by.
172
00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:07,270
We'll surprise him,
cheer him up
a little bit.
173
00:07:07,370 --> 00:07:09,070
We'll be out of here
by 9:30.
174
00:07:09,170 --> 00:07:10,430
You can all go
your separate ways
175
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,540
to whatever exciting
social lives
you all lead.
176
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:14,600
What are you guys
doing tonight?
177
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,600
Nothing.
No plans.
178
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,000
Want to get together
for a drink?
179
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,100
Yep.
180
00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:21,920
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
181
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:22,960
Stuart?
182
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,070
Sweetheart!
You're early.
183
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,730
I was gonna go
out in the street
and wait for you.
184
00:07:28,830 --> 00:07:29,770
Oh...
185
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:32,090
I knew you would,
you...sweet boy,
186
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:34,190
and that's why
I came early.
187
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:36,650
A perfect angel.
188
00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:39,180
You are.
Now, can I get you
something to drink?
189
00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,500
Just a glass of water
with a little ice.
190
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,780
Actually,
Mike's out of ice.
191
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,880
Then we'll just
go down to the store
and get some.
192
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,660
Are you okay?
193
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,350
I'm fine.
Why?
194
00:07:49,450 --> 00:07:51,630
You want me to, uh,
pay for the ice?
195
00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:54,390
Oh, come on!
I'll even pick up
some extra chips, too.
196
00:07:54,490 --> 00:07:56,490
It's on me.
197
00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:03,720
All right,
who was that?
198
00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:05,940
I've never
seen anything like it.
He was so...
199
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,660
Nice?
Yeah.
200
00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:12,080
You know,
when I was little,
my family had a dog.
201
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:13,240
He was really
mean dog.
202
00:08:13,340 --> 00:08:15,530
He used to snap
at people
all the time.
203
00:08:15,630 --> 00:08:17,330
And then one day,
my dad took him
to the vet,
204
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,130
and he came back
as sweet
as a puppy.
205
00:08:20,230 --> 00:08:22,870
So you're suggesting
Stuart's girlfriend
had him...neutered.
206
00:08:24,790 --> 00:08:26,790
Hey, it's just
a theory.
207
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,940
How big is a U-Haul, sir?
208
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,180
I mean,
I've seen 18-wheelers,
209
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,360
but Claudia's probably
gonna use a smaller
model, right?
210
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,060
Doesn't matter.
211
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,170
If she packs right,
she can fit
her whole life there.
212
00:08:41,970 --> 00:08:43,970
Her whole life, huh?
(MOANS) Oh...
213
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,650
Gosh, it's hot in here.
214
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:49,630
I remember when Helen
moved in with me.
215
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,840
One minute I was
giving her the spare
set of keys.
216
00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:54,240
Three weeks later...
We were married.
217
00:08:54,340 --> 00:08:56,340
Oh, dear God.
218
00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:59,100
Now she's taking half...
219
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:00,760
of everything I own.
220
00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:02,920
(PENCIL SNAPS)
221
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:05,370
Let me ask you
something, sir.
222
00:09:05,470 --> 00:09:08,330
Do you think Claudia and I
should move in together?
223
00:09:08,430 --> 00:09:09,730
Paul, I'm really not
in the best place
224
00:09:09,830 --> 00:09:11,830
to be giving
relationship advice
right now.
225
00:09:12,790 --> 00:09:14,650
Be that as it may, sir,
226
00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:16,820
just whatever
you're feeling,
just blurt it out.
227
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,020
Paul.
Please, sir.
228
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:19,100
If I say no...
229
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,940
Then no it is!
230
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,140
And a very convincing
argument it was, sir!
231
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,500
A burden has been
lifted from my shoulders.
232
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,060
Paul, you're kidding
yourself.
233
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,110
You asked Claudia
to move in with you.
It's a done deal.
234
00:09:30,210 --> 00:09:31,430
She's not gonna
back out now.
235
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:32,990
I think Claudia
will be relieved.
236
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:35,990
I sense that Claudia's
as eager to slow things
down as I am.
237
00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:38,390
(KEYS BEEPING, LINE RINGING)
238
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:41,070
CLAUDIA:
Hello, you've reachedthe home of Claudia and Paul.
239
00:09:41,170 --> 00:09:43,760
Leave a message,and we'll get back to youas soon as possible.
240
00:09:43,860 --> 00:09:45,860
Thanks for calling.
(BEEP)
241
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:51,160
Oh, I can't believe
how much you look
like your mom!
242
00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:53,260
Yeah, it's as if
she gave birth to me.
243
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,290
Where are all
the pictures of us?
244
00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:57,410
I keep those
in a private room.
245
00:09:57,510 --> 00:09:58,490
See, what I like to do
246
00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:01,130
is lay about 20 of them
out on the floor,
247
00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:04,470
uh, get naked, lube up,
and roll around in 'em.
248
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,180
It makes me feel
closer to the group.
249
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,340
Mike, not that watching
you torture James isn't
absolute scintillating,
250
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,620
but what are the odds
of Paul being successful
251
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,620
and actually bringing
the mayor here?
252
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,110
He can't go wrong.
I scripted this whole
thing out for him.
253
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:21,250
I guess that's all
for tonight, Paul.
254
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:24,510
"You can't go home
alone tonight, sir."
255
00:10:24,610 --> 00:10:25,630
Why not?
256
00:10:25,730 --> 00:10:27,730
"So why don't we
drop by Mike's place?"
257
00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:30,550
You didn't answer
my question.
258
00:10:30,650 --> 00:10:32,660
"Gang's all
hanging out there."
259
00:10:33,940 --> 00:10:35,760
Are you not listening
to me at all, Paul?
260
00:10:35,860 --> 00:10:37,860
"Perfect. So I'll
get my stuff."
261
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:41,960
Are we sure this is
a good idea?
262
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:44,890
Right now the mayor
just needs to feel
embraced by the group.
263
00:10:44,990 --> 00:10:46,450
I need space.
264
00:10:46,550 --> 00:10:48,550
This place is
suffocating me.
265
00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,510
He wants
to feel grounded.
266
00:10:51,910 --> 00:10:53,410
I want adventure.
267
00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:55,510
Well, then, I will be
Thelma for your
Louise, sir.
268
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,060
Trust my instincts
on this, okay?
269
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,660
The mayor's gonna
end up feeling
better tonight,
270
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,800
and all our problems
are gonna be solved.
271
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,950
Two tickets to Miami,
please.
272
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:12,050
Ask what
the movie is.
273
00:11:17,290 --> 00:11:19,310
Mike, I checked
the mansion,
274
00:11:19,410 --> 00:11:21,030
his favorite
restaurants,
the club.
275
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:22,280
Nothing.
276
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:25,360
Well, it's official.
We are short
one mayor.
277
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:27,760
And I gotta think
people are gonna
notice that.
278
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:29,960
There's a disturbing
report from the
janitorial staff
279
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:32,080
of Paul and the mayor
being seen exiting
the building
280
00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:34,190
singing
Born Free.
281
00:11:35,510 --> 00:11:37,050
Look, I got something.
What?
282
00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:39,810
I am sure the mayor
and Paul have gone
on some sort of
283
00:11:39,910 --> 00:11:41,170
spur of the moment
trip out of town.
284
00:11:41,270 --> 00:11:42,450
How?
What do you mean?
285
00:11:42,550 --> 00:11:44,210
Okay, okay,
okay, okay.
286
00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:46,620
Paul keeps a toothbrush
hidden here in the office
in case he sleeps over,
287
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,100
and it is gone!
288
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,020
How would you know
where Paul hides
his toothbrush?
289
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,260
I use it to clean
my keyboard.
290
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,140
(MOANS) Oh!
291
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,240
Mike, I've got Paul.
292
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:56,860
Yeah, Paul.
293
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,100
Oh, hey, ho.
294
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,270
No, everything's
fine here.
295
00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:03,030
Yeah, so, hey,
it's about 60 degrees,
296
00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:05,290
I had a lovely breakfast
at the Time Cafe,
297
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:09,090
and my press secretary
(SHOUTS) stole my mayor!
298
00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:13,360
I want him back,
Paul.
299
00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:15,760
Paul... no, Paul,
I... (STAMMERS)
300
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,040
I don't care
that you're okay.
301
00:12:18,140 --> 00:12:19,200
Where are you?
302
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:20,600
Don't put
the mayor on.
Don't put him on.
303
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,900
Don't... Mayor...
Don't... Hello.
Hello, sir.
304
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,250
Uh, no, I... Sir,
305
00:12:25,350 --> 00:12:27,050
if I could just...
306
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:29,570
Right, sir,
but, but... Sir...
307
00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:31,850
(INHALES)
Sir, I appreciate
you've experienced
308
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:33,490
a major change
in your life,
309
00:12:33,590 --> 00:12:35,370
but if you gather
your thoughts
you'll see the big picture,
310
00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:37,800
you'll realize the
city really needs
you and... Hello?
311
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,340
Well, this is it.
312
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,030
No rules, no boundaries,
no fear.
313
00:12:49,130 --> 00:12:50,790
Well, that's very
poetic, sir.
314
00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:52,710
Did you just
make that up?
315
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,810
No, I read it on
the young fellow's
T-shirt over there.
316
00:12:56,010 --> 00:12:57,470
Sounds like words
to live by
317
00:12:57,570 --> 00:13:00,510
for two single guys
on the prowl, huh?
318
00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:01,920
Well, I've never
been very good
319
00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:04,020
at, at picking
up women, sir.
320
00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:06,820
I... I have trouble
with my rap.
321
00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:08,680
What's the problem?
322
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:10,780
I don't have one.
323
00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:13,160
Everybody's got
a few standbys.
324
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:15,250
There was one I used to
use in college.
325
00:13:15,350 --> 00:13:17,410
I'd walk up to women
and I would say,
326
00:13:17,510 --> 00:13:19,570
"If I could rewrite
the alphabet,
327
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:21,670
"I would put
'U' and 'I' together."
328
00:13:24,430 --> 00:13:26,440
Those must have been
some lonely years, Paul.
329
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,940
You've got to tell
a woman what you do.
330
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,980
Not many guys
can say they're
the press secretary
331
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,140
for the mayor
of New York City.
332
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,540
I can't just
blurt that out, sir.
333
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:36,820
Just let it happen
naturally.
334
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:38,180
You ask a woman
what she does,
335
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,890
and when she tells you,
you go, "Oh!"
336
00:13:43,130 --> 00:13:45,070
Then there'll be
an awkward silence.
337
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:47,170
It'll force her
to ask what you do.
338
00:13:47,730 --> 00:13:49,110
And that works.
339
00:13:49,210 --> 00:13:51,210
I been doing it
for years.
340
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,400
(CLEARS THROAT)
So, you, uh,
341
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:57,760
think you can
handle this?
342
00:13:57,860 --> 00:14:00,040
Yeah, I think
I can handle this.
Why are you smiling?
343
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,920
Hungry press.
AWOL mayor.
344
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:04,690
I think you can
do it, but...
(CHUCKLES)
345
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:06,850
It's not something
I wanna miss.
346
00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:09,250
I'm not the one
who walked out without
saying where I was going.
347
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:11,330
I'm not gonna bust
my hump on this.
348
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:14,170
Maybe I should phone in
some lame excuse about
the mayor being sick
349
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,570
and take a little
vacation myself,
350
00:14:15,670 --> 00:14:17,680
and good luck
finding me!
351
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:19,940
Good morning.
352
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,660
I will be your press
secretary today.
353
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,300
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)
354
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,860
No, not this guy.
No more "over here's" or
distracting hand gestures.
355
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,630
And, Sally, no more
standing in front of Joel
so I can't see him.
356
00:14:29,730 --> 00:14:31,730
It's not nice,
and it's not fair.
357
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:33,630
Now, Joel.
358
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:35,350
Thank you, Mike.
I just want to say
359
00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:37,550
how decent of you
it was to give Paul
the day off.
360
00:14:37,650 --> 00:14:39,650
You must be a real
nice guy to work for.
361
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,140
He knows.
362
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:43,840
But what if
I told you
363
00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:46,000
that I have a source
who claims to have
seen the mayor
364
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:49,440
along with Mr. Lassiter
at a ticket counter
at JFK last night?
365
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:52,000
Well, Joel, I would say
that I would like to, uh,
366
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:54,110
speak to this
"source."
367
00:14:55,070 --> 00:14:57,070
It's me, Mike.
368
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,410
Hello, Joel.
369
00:14:59,510 --> 00:15:01,650
How you doin?'
Nice to see ya.
370
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:03,570
And you're wrong.
371
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,010
So you're saying
the mayor is still
in New York City?
372
00:15:06,110 --> 00:15:07,140
This is what
I'm saying, yes.
373
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,700
But he hasn't been
seen all day.
374
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,220
What you gonna
tell us,
he's sick again?
375
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,320
This is more than
I could have
hoped for.
376
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,260
No. No,
of course not.
377
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,510
I, uh, Sally,
could you take a step
to your right, please?
378
00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:22,350
So the mayor will be
sticking to his
schedule today?
379
00:15:22,450 --> 00:15:24,350
Yes, he will not be
dropping an event all day.
380
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:25,870
So why did you call
this press conference?
381
00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:27,970
I just wanted
to say hi!
382
00:15:30,410 --> 00:15:32,040
One Scotch and soda.
383
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,200
Thankee,
thankee.
384
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,380
And one virgin fuzzy navel
for the party boy.
385
00:15:38,940 --> 00:15:40,600
So...
386
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:42,700
What do you do
for a living?
387
00:15:43,540 --> 00:15:45,170
I'm a waitress.
388
00:15:45,270 --> 00:15:47,270
Oh!
389
00:15:47,870 --> 00:15:49,950
I'm the press
secretary for the
mayor of New York.
390
00:15:50,270 --> 00:15:51,290
Oh.
391
00:15:51,390 --> 00:15:52,450
If I could rewrite
the alphabet,
392
00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:54,550
I'd put "U" and "I"
together.
393
00:15:55,950 --> 00:15:57,960
We'll take the check.
394
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:03,820
(STUART WHISTLING)
395
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,180
You and Carolyn
going out to lunch?
396
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:07,860
Yeah!
So, what do you guys
think? You like her?
397
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,710
I was going to see
if I could have her
stapled to you.
398
00:16:10,810 --> 00:16:11,870
What's that
supposed to mean?
399
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:14,830
Oh, let's see,
how can I put this
delicately?
400
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:17,910
When you're alone,
you're an
intolerable jerk.
401
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,070
When you're
with her,
402
00:16:19,170 --> 00:16:21,400
you're kind,
you're friendly.
403
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,500
You're new Stu.
404
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:25,920
I like new Stu.
405
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:28,480
New Stu doesn't
glue stuff to
my desk.
406
00:16:28,580 --> 00:16:31,440
Hey, I do not change
when I'm around her.
407
00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:32,920
This is
a ridiculous load
408
00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:35,030
of bull...
Sugar pop!
409
00:16:36,030 --> 00:16:38,090
Hi, honey.
Hi.
410
00:16:38,190 --> 00:16:39,810
I just want to
freshen up
before we go.
411
00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:41,450
Oh. Down the hall
to the left.
412
00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:44,650
Although I can't
imagine how you could
be any more beautiful.
413
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:46,760
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY, INHALES)
414
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,180
Oh!
415
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,260
Oh, my God!
You guys are right!
416
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,540
What's happened to me?
Where's Stuart Bondek?
417
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,540
Relax, buddy.
What are you gonna do,
break up with her?
418
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,860
Are you crazy?
Have you checked out
her body?
419
00:16:57,960 --> 00:16:59,990
There I am.
(CHUCKLES)
420
00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:02,090
Whoo! I missed me.
421
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,770
I'm sorry! The mayor's
not here today.
422
00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:08,350
Well, the mayor's
not here, here,
423
00:17:08,450 --> 00:17:10,630
but he, he is
in the building.
424
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,780
And he'll get back
to you as soon as
possible. Thank you. Bye.
425
00:17:13,820 --> 00:17:15,820
All right.
426
00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:18,720
When did the mayor
get back?
427
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,720
Uh, he didn't.
428
00:17:20,820 --> 00:17:22,480
But, like the great
and powerful Oz,
429
00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:24,630
we shall create
the illusion that
he is here all day.
430
00:17:25,950 --> 00:17:27,690
You got my schedule,
Janelle?
431
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:29,290
The mayor's radio address.
432
00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:31,610
Ah. All right.
Okay, James.
433
00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:33,010
Splice together
some old tapes.
434
00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:34,090
Make it sound like
something new.
435
00:17:34,190 --> 00:17:36,200
Stay away from
the Christmas address,
436
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,820
the New Year's address,
437
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,780
and that time
he affected
an English accent
438
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,880
to try to sound
more sophisticated.
439
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,820
Okay, fundraisers.
School appearance.
440
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:46,460
Shuffle, reschedule.
This is easy!
441
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,310
But we have
a dignitary
from Kurdistan
442
00:17:48,410 --> 00:17:50,550
coming in for
a face-to-face with
the mayor today.
443
00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:52,870
All right.
Here's a rule.
444
00:17:52,970 --> 00:17:56,470
Any time a country
does not have a restaurant
in this city,
445
00:17:56,570 --> 00:17:59,390
they don't get to
shout at the mayor.
Cancel that.
446
00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:01,400
I'm gonna need
some help with this.
447
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,500
I'm sorry, Mike.
I have a big choice
to make.
448
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:05,200
I either
have to step up
449
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,680
and tell Carolyn
who I really am,
450
00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:08,080
or for the sake
of sex,
451
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:10,180
live a lie for
the rest of my life.
452
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:14,110
Ready, buttercup?
453
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:18,810
Who are you
holding for?
454
00:18:18,910 --> 00:18:21,290
Uh, Governor.
Uh, gee, Governor,
455
00:18:21,390 --> 00:18:23,850
I put you through
to the mayor's
office five times.
456
00:18:23,950 --> 00:18:24,890
I have no idea
what...
457
00:18:24,990 --> 00:18:27,000
(DIAL TONE)
Ooh.
Lost him again.
458
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,860
Mike. (CHUCKLES)
459
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,260
Are you busy?
460
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,500
Oh, no, hey, Claudia,
461
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,600
I've got, uh...
five seconds.
462
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,260
I didn't know
who to talk to,
463
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,930
so I figured I'd turn
to Paul's best friend.
464
00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:42,490
And you're here,
so...that must be me.
465
00:18:46,850 --> 00:18:48,970
Do you think
Paul's getting cold feet?
466
00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,240
I mean...
467
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:53,000
He invited me
to move in with him...
468
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,100
Cold feet.
Sounds like commitment
to me.
469
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,240
Have fun at the wedding.
470
00:18:58,340 --> 00:19:00,340
What am I talking about?
I'll probably end up
being best man.
471
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:03,310
You're probably
right.
472
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,010
There's just one
little bitty thing
473
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:07,530
that keeps nagging
at me.
474
00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:08,810
Mmm-hmm.
475
00:19:08,910 --> 00:19:10,570
Could be a problem,
you know,
down the road.
476
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:12,670
He's gone.
477
00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:17,340
He's run away.
He's abandoned me.
(CHUCKLES)
478
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:18,540
Let me tell you
something, Claudia.
479
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,740
In all the time
I have known Paul,
480
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,400
you are the best
thing that ever
happened to him.
481
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,420
Really?
482
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,530
You're the only thing.
483
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:30,870
But you're definitely
the best,
484
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,950
and he knows that,
which is why,
when I find him,
485
00:19:33,050 --> 00:19:34,910
I'm gonna sit him down
and talk some sense
into him.
486
00:19:35,010 --> 00:19:38,610
Well, I, I know
where he's staying
in Miami, if that helps.
487
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:42,880
Say that again?
488
00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:45,220
He's in Miami.
Here's his number.
489
00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:47,960
Mike...
490
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:49,960
You don't think
he's found anybody
new down there?
491
00:19:50,060 --> 00:19:52,540
You know...
Some beach bunny.
492
00:19:54,430 --> 00:19:55,450
No, he's probably
just looking for
493
00:19:55,550 --> 00:19:57,730
someplace to get
SPF-4000.
494
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,330
(LAUGHS)
495
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:01,430
You're right.
496
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:03,290
My word, Paul.
497
00:20:03,390 --> 00:20:05,920
This stuff actually...
removes your tan.
498
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,180
Why don't you just
wear a suit of armor?
499
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,300
That's very funny, sir.
500
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,400
Could you get
the back of my neck?
501
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,240
I'd rather not.
502
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,800
(GRUNTS)
503
00:20:18,770 --> 00:20:19,950
(EXHALES)
504
00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:21,990
Well, the Paul Lassiter
girl repellent
505
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:24,090
seems to have coated
the pool area.
506
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,350
Why don't we head down
to Ocean Drive tonight,
507
00:20:27,450 --> 00:20:29,230
see if we can scare up
a little trouble?
508
00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:31,440
Well, to be honest
with you, sir,
I'm a little tired.
509
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:34,320
I think I need a nap.
Must be jet lag.
510
00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:36,420
We didn't change
time zones, Paul.
511
00:20:37,740 --> 00:20:39,280
You know what
it must be?
512
00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:41,560
They put me
at the end of
the emergency exit.
513
00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:42,760
I didn't sleep
a wink.
514
00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:44,870
It's quite
a responsibility, sir.
515
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:47,490
You're gonna call
Claudia, aren't you?
516
00:20:47,590 --> 00:20:48,570
I would never
do that, sir.
517
00:20:48,670 --> 00:20:50,170
Remember our pact.
518
00:20:50,270 --> 00:20:51,650
Wild and free,
you and me.
519
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,750
Together for eternity!
520
00:20:55,470 --> 00:20:57,480
That's my boy.
521
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,880
Paul.
522
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,490
Sorry, sir.
523
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:14,910
Okay, Mr. Flaherty.
That's one round-trip
ticket to Miami.
524
00:21:15,010 --> 00:21:17,030
You know what?
I've had a rough day.
Got anything in first class?
525
00:21:17,130 --> 00:21:19,390
No. We have coach.
Middle seat.
526
00:21:19,490 --> 00:21:21,560
Is this a...
smoking section?
527
00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:23,960
We no longer have
smoking sections.
528
00:21:24,060 --> 00:21:26,280
What about
a drinking section?
You got that?
529
00:21:26,380 --> 00:21:30,360
So, Mr. Flaherty,
is this trip business
or, or pleasure?
530
00:21:30,460 --> 00:21:31,720
A little of both,
actually.
531
00:21:31,820 --> 00:21:33,830
I'm thinking of
killing my boss.
532
00:21:35,350 --> 00:21:37,350
Have a nice day.
533
00:21:38,910 --> 00:21:40,910
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