All language subtitles for Spin City S01E17 Dog Day Afternoon_track12_[eng]

I know I've said it before
but, this time,
I really mean it.

We don't have time
for any more questions.

Yes, you in the back.

This is regarding
Mayor Winston
and Holly Cohen

from the governor's
office.

They work together, yes.

They were seen last night
at a restaurant

eating oysters
with an expensive
bottle of Cabernet.

Do you think Mrs. Winston
would approve of this?

Absolutely not.

No, she would never order
red wine with seafood. No.

How do you respond
to the rumors

that the mayor is
romantically involved
with Ms. Cohen?

How do I respond?

How do I respond?

How do I respond?

Excuse me.

Excuse me, Hamlet.

I cannot believe
what I'm hearing.

So, you actually
spied on the mayor
during dinner.

So, what's the scoop?

What, did the mayor have
parmesan cheese
on his pasta?

Did he have cream
in his coffee?

And if not,
what the hell
is he hiding?

But, Mike...

No, this is pathetic.

The mayor
is a happily
married man,

and you have no story.

Nothing, zip, nada,
the big bagel.

Which, coincidentally,
is what the mayor
had for breakfast.

No cream cheese,

but you probably
already guessed that.

They can be
like dogs, Mike.

Bad reporters!
Bad! Bad reporters!

Here you go, champ.

Good, Paul.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

ALL: Happy birthday,
Mayor Winston,

from all of us
at Monday Night Football.

You're the boss,
Mayor.

Yeah. Don't let anybody
push you around.

And this is
your year, big guy.

Don't take
any crap.
Yeah.

(TURNS OFF TV)

I'm telling you,
whoever came up
with this idea

of having celebrities
wish the mayor happy birthday

is a genius.

Mike, you thought of it.

Oh, my gosh, you're right.

So, we're going to still
go through with the party,

even with all this stuff

about the mayor's
love life floating around?

We want the governor
to give us a bigger piece

of the federal subsidy for
special education programs,

so the mayor and Nikki,
yes, Nikki,

are working
with Ms. Cohen,

yes, working with her,

in order to make
that happen.

End of story.

Actually, Mike, once
we finished streamlining

the existing
special ed budget,

the mayor kind of
took me out of the loop.

Apparently, he wanted to be

more hands-on
with the project.

It's the mayor's
50th birthday,

and we're not going
to dignify the press's
sleazy tabloid mentality

by changing the way
we do things around here.

Nikki, I see you sent
John F. Kennedy Jr. an invite.

Yeah, if he was on the list,
I'm sure he got one.

So, you felt it necessary
to send him one

every day for the past
three weeks?

I like to be
thorough, Mike.

So, you followed it up
with a phone call
to his apartment

last Saturday
at 1:00 a.m.?

Maybe.

Hey, Nik,
don't get me wrong, uh,

I like the Kennedy men
as much as the next gal,

but let's not use
the mayor's birthday

to further our own
personal agendas.

Stalker.

Stuart,
don't make me
bring up

the Connie Chung
restraining order.

Okay, guest list, check.

Birthday videos?

Yeah, we're editing
those together

as soon as we get
Stephanopoulos.

We're playing
phone tag.

You're aware
of the fact that

in order to play
phone tag with somebody,

they have to actually
call you back.

I'm telling you, Mike,
I know Steph.

We're like this.

Hey, Mike,
I've been playing
phone tag

with Michelle Pfeiffer
and Cindy Crawford.

Oh, yeah, and Santa.

Hey,
Mayor Winston...

Happy birthday...

From the cast
of Rent.

The cast of Rent,
and they just say
happy birthday?

I mean,
what's the message?

What are we trying
to say there?

I think we're trying
to say happy birthday.

What the hell's with you?

Let's just throw
these things together,
so we can get out of here.

I, uh...I don't want
to pull rank on you,

but I almost went
to film school.

It's interesting.
You know, I almost give a...

Ah! Ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh...

Let us try to channel
that hostility
into the project.

And action.

Happy birthday,
Mayor Winston.

I love you, man!

MAN: Great job,
Patrick.

Why am I even doing this?
I don't even like the guy.

All he talks about
is the Yankees.

Yankees this,
Yankees that.
Get a life!

I'm just going to edit
that last part out.

No, no, no.
Some honesty.

Finally.

This, I can use.

STUART: Mike,
you have to relax.

When I worked for
Congressman Malins,

the press printed
lots of stories

that said he cheated
on his wife.

Yeah, because he did,
and the scandal
killed his career.

True, but I ended up
working here,

and now I make
a lot more money.

No, no, no,
it's pretty simple.

See, we just take
1.5 million out
of operating costs

and reclassify it
as transportation expense.

Says right here.

See that? Nothing.

HOLLY:
That's the answer?

This is so exciting!

Yeah, I guess so.

What?

Well, nothing,
it's just...

You were made
to wear that suit.

You're saying
I look good, right?

Because nobody
forced me to wear this.

I pick out
all my own clothes.

Funny, too.
Oh...

You've got
the whole package.

He wants her.
(EXHALES)

George didn't leave
my name for you, huh?

I'm not some pathetic
groupie, you know.
I know the man.

Look at me!

Steph!
(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

Steph!

Steph!

What? Oh, hey!
Oh, hey, Steph!

Paul, how you doing?
Good to see you.

Hey, man,
good to see you.

Listen, sorry I'm late.

I'm doing this
commentator thing
over at ABC now.

Oh, yeah,
I wouldn't know
about that,

I don't watch
that network.

You know, Paul,
I really wanted
to see you

because we're
old friends,
but I got to tell you,

I kind of hoped
you'd gotten

this competitive
stuff behind you.

You're right, because
you're you and I'm me,

regardless of
the speaker's fees
or the book deal...

Come on, Paul.
You know, we're
both doing well.

So, what do you need?

Well, see,
it's the mayor's
50th birthday.

You know, I'm sort of
his right-hand man,
like you used to be

with, um...
What's his... Um...

Bill Clinton?

Clinton. Clinton.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The president?

The president. Whatever.
Titles are titles, yeah.

You're doing it again.

You're right.
You're right.
The party. Okay.

It would really be
a great favor to me
if you would...

Then I'd love to.

Whatever you need, Paul.
You know that.

Really?
Sure.

Oh, thank you, man.
That's great.
Sure.

Listen, Steph, let me just
ask you something.

Uh, you still doing
that podium thing,

leaning over with
the furrowed brow?

Okay, Paul,
I got to go.

Yeah, I know,
but listen.

Do you still do that
"any more questions" thing?

Everyone says that.
No. Uh-uh.
No, no, no.

Everyone says
"any further questions?"

"Any more questions?"
That was mine.

You copied that
from me.

You're a copycat!
Copycat! Copycat!

Paul, you're
better than this.

No, I'm not.

Mayor Winston, I just want
to take a second here

to wish you a very,
very happy birthday.

And, by the way, thank you
so much for taking care
of those parking tickets.

(LAUGHING)

But the mayor,
he's, like, nuts, right?

Sir, I really need
to talk to you,
just the two of us.

Now this is kind of awkward,

so I don't really
even know how to
broach the subject.

Ms. Cohen's
an interesting woman, Mike.

Well, there you go.

A lot easier
than I thought.

She's committed.
She's vibrant.

She's very passionate.
Don't you think?

Well, she certainly makes
my heart skip a beat.

Uh...

Here's the thing.

I know you two are spending
so much time together,

uh, because of the work,

but the press...
(SIGHS)

They're trying to make
something more out of it.

Hell, they're
a couple days away
from writing

that you two are, uh,
are an item.

(FORCED LAUGHING)

I'm 50 years old, Mike, 50.

(CLICKS TONGUE)
Am I the man
I wanted to be,

or am I just someone

whose decisions have
all been made for him?

Well, sir, I think
I can safely speak
for the both of us...

Yeah?

...when I say that
you are exactly the man
you wanted to be.

Now, I know
this is kind of personal,

but I have to ask.

Am I in love
with her, Mike?

Wow.

Okay, I was...
I was going to ask,

"Do you have any
feelings for her?"

But you seem
to have jumped

a couple of rungs
on me.

(STAMMERS)
So, are you, uh...

Sir, are you, uh,

in love with her?

Maybe. I love the way
she makes me feel.

Okay.

All right,
I'm going to recommend,

if anyone asks, uh,
that you say, uh,
"No comment"

over "Maybe."

Michael...

And by all means,
stay away from,

"I just love the way
she makes me feel."

Michael, now, Michael,
there is the problem
right there.

Watching what I say,
what I do...

Everything has to be
so careful.

And then I go home
to Helen.

Oh, don't get me wrong.

We love each other,

But in a comfortable,
relaxed,

watching-the-evening-
news-in-separate-rooms
kind of way.

I'm a man,
not just a mayor,

And Holly
finds me exciting,

And I really...
Really need that.

(SIGHS)

I find you
exciting, sir.

I wanna feel alive!
I wanna...

I want to be like
those guys walking
that tightrope

between two cliffs
with no net!

I don't want
to discourage you,

but most of those guys
end up a bloody mess
on the side of the rocks.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

We did it.

The governor approved every
section of the proposal!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh. Mmm...

Whoa! Ho!

Whoa. That's exciting.

Yee-ha.

What is taking him
so long?

The guy's
going to be late
for his own party.

It's a big night
for him, Mike.

All those VIPs
will be there,
his coworkers,

the woman he loves,
his wife...

What are you doing
in the limo?

Seriously,
shouldn't you be

in the back of
the catering truck?

What? I'm just
telling it how it is.

Tonight is about
what isn't.

There isn't anything
going on between
the mayor and Holly.

The press isn't going to be
snooping around for a story,

and my life isn't
going to fall apart.

Mike, that is
classic denial.

No, it isn't.

The mayor
is just confused,

and he needs some time
for his head to catch up
with his heart.

HELEN:
Thank you.

Mike.

Other worker.

Uh, pour me
a drink, please.

Boy, you look lovely
tonight, ma'am.

And ready
before your husband.

Strike another
small blow for feminism.

(CHUCKLES)
He's already
in another car

with that woman from
the governor's office.

Something about
finishing up
some business.

(CHUCKLES)

Excuse me.

Oh, you're not
going anywhere
until we discuss

the table
arrangements
for tonight.

Well, much as
I'd love to, ma'am,

because your whole theory
of boy, girl, boy, girl
is truly inspiring,

but I got to...

Oh! Oh!

What a shame.

I know.

Oh, that's
very expensive vodka.

Happy birthday,
Mayor Winston.

Since I know
you're watching,

how do you respond
to the criticism

that your administration
is gutting social programs?

No. If I had gotten
to work with him,

I know I could
have tapped into
the real Larry King.

Funny thing about
a 50th birthday video

is that it's generally
only a good gift on
someone's 50th birthday!

Give me that thing.
We got to get out of here.

Wait, that thing...
You know what, Carter?

If you don't share my
artistic vision, fine.

I certainly
don't need you here,
stifling the creative process.

You're fired!

Yes!

I never knew working
on a budget could be
so much fun.

You probably never did it
with champagne before.

(CHUCKLES) No.

(CLINKS)
Ooh!

These last few weeks
have been...

I know.

(SIGHS)

So it's been
the same for...

It has.

Amazing.
We even finish
each other's...

Meals?

I was going to say
sentences.

Sorry. I haven't
eaten since...

Breakfast?
There we go,
right back on track.

You know, I...
(CLICKS TONGUE)

I can't believe
I'm acting like this.

If I were to step
outside and look
at the woman,

I wouldn't believe
it was me.

It just feels

so right.

(SIGHS)
You know?

I know.

(BRAKES SCREECH)

(TAPPING ON WINDOW)

Hi. How are you?
Whoa!

I hope you don't mind.
My limo's just a two-seater.

(PANTING)

Mike, we're almost
two miles from
the mansion.

How did you catch us?

Actually, sir, it's only
a mile as the crow flies.

I would have caught you
on the other side of the park,

but Mario Andretti up there
ran a couple of red lights.

Whoo, boy!

Well, how we
doing in here?

Hey, Mayor Winston,
it's me, Rosie O'Donnell.

Sorry I couldn't make
the big bash, but I got
other things to do.

Got to stay home
and dye my hair.

Speaking of hair,
yours looks nice.

Salt-and-pepper?
(CLICKS TONGUE) Cute.

Little John Forsythe thing
going on?

I like it.
You're a good-looking guy.

You're no Tom Cruise,
but then again, who is?

CARTER: So, let me
get this straight.

You went to
Stephanopoulos' office.

He graciously agreed
not only to do a video,

but also to show up
here tonight,

and then you beat him up.

We have issues.

Paul, we're friends.

Why don't you just admit
you don't know the guy?

But I do!

No, no, I do!

Look. Look. These are
his teeth marks, see?

That is so sad.
You actually bit yourself.

Please.

Okay. Snapshots
of the happy couple.

Very good.
We like that.

All right, everybody,
huddle up.

Close your eyes.
I want to paint you
a mental picture.

The mayor's
very vulnerable tonight.

There are a lot of
reporters here,

and also in attendance is
a woman I will refer to
simply as "the shark."

Whereas the mayor,
the mayor is like an older,
slow-moving sea lion.

(IMITATES JACQUES COUSTEAU)
I will stay aboard
the Calypso

while my assistant Mike
dive into the ocean

to join in
the life-and-death
struggle

between the shark
and the noble sea lion.

No. You're going to
stay with Holly

and make sure
she stays the hell away
from the mayor. All right?

Think you can
handle that?

If she challenge me,

I shall simply
punch her on the snout.

All right.
Carter, I want you
with Mrs. Winston.

Make sure she doesn't
make a scene, huh?

All right.

Nikki, you're going to
hang with the mayor.

Suggested topics
of conversation

include marriage,
commitment, sense of duty.

I'm just going to
finish this champagne.

Ooh! And this egg roll.
Thank you.

Eh, eh, Paul, eat this.

Hmm. (GROANS)
Hot! Hot! Hot!

Wash it down with that.
There you go.

Oh, hey, look at you,
you're all done.
Away you go.

Well, I guess
that leaves me
free to mingle.

Oh, not so fast, Paul.
Your task is as follows.

There's the mayor,
there's the press,
and you, my friend,

you are the Great Wall
of Lassiter.

Hiya, fellas.

Okay, Paul will be
your host for the evening.

Me, I just came by
to remind you

that this is a party,
this is not
a press conference, okay?

So, please reserve
any offensive,
unfounded,

potentially
libelous questions
until tomorrow,

when I will be happy

to mislead, misdirect,
and misinform you

as per our
usual arrangement.

That's right.
I'm bad!

You know, we've actually
never had a divorce
in the Faber family.

The occasional tiff,

a couple of separations,
and an assault.

That was
my great-aunt Edna.

She swears to this day
it was an accident.

She was walking
across the floor, taking
a typewriter to my uncle Ray.

She tripped,
stabbed him repeatedly
while he was sleeping.

Hey, Mike, Mike,
have you seen
Ms. Cohen anywhere?

Uh, no, no, I haven't,
Your Honor,

but, hey, there's James,
and it looks like

he's got your
birthday video
in his hand.

James.

Mike, I think
it's a very powerful
and honest piece.

I tried to capture
the mayor's...
James. James.

I'm just looking to
burn a few minutes
off this damn party.

No, no, no.
I'm sorry, Mike,

I need some time
to come to terms
with letting this go.

All right,
no problem.

There, how's that?
Lights!

If you like it,
I have a six-hour
director's cut.

ALL: Happy...
No Tom Cruise,
but then again...

Get a life...
Life... Life...

How do you respond...
I don't even
like the guy!

I know you're watching...
Watching... Watching...

I just want to
take a second here...

Birth...
ALL: ...day!

PATRICK EWING:
I love you, man!

Why am I doing this?

Yeah, don't let anybody
push you around!

Thank you for taking care
of those parking tickets.

If you think
about it...
Mayor...

ALL: Winston...
This is your year,
big guy.

The administration
is gutting...

Send over a piece
of cake... Cake... Cake...

Real original.

And don't take
any cr-cr-crap.

Yeah.

What?

NIKKI: And my other
great-aunt was married
for 57 years.

Nikki, why don't
I tag in now?

You're just in time.
I'm down to my last aunt.

Happy birthday, sir.
Thank you.

Thanks for
the rescue, Mike.

She's excruciatingly dull.

Well, sir, this thing
is winding down.

What say you grab the missus
and we head out of here?

I can't leave, Mike.

I promised Holly I'd save
the last dance for her.

Oh, yeah. The traditional
mayoral dance of death.

Sir, you are aware
that all those people
over there with cameras

are not tourists?

Bondek, I don't have
the patience
to ask you again.

Leave me alone,
or I'll have you
terminated.

You can't fire me.

I meant killed.

You promised you'd save
the last dance for me.

Well, I'm more
of a rumba man,
but let's go.

♪♪ Dum dum dum ♪♪

♪♪ Oh! ♪♪

No.

Mr. Mayor.

I'd like to dedicate
this next song
to the mayor.

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro!

(PLAYING UP-TEMPO LATIN MUSIC)

♪♪ Whrrrraah! ♪♪

Michael!

♪♪ Whrrrraah! ♪♪

(MUSIC STOPS)

Bad beat,
hard to dance to.

I give it a one.
(DRUM STING)

Maestro, please play
something slow.

Sorry. He's the boss.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

Uh...Toast! Toast!

Toast, toast, toast.

(GLASS CLINKING)

Uh, we are here
to honor a great man

on this, the occasion
of his 50th birthday,

and I would like to do that
by reading a few passages

from the Bible.

Does anyone, uh,

have one on them?

All right, Michael,
that's enough.

You're embarrassing me.
Come here.

MIKE: Sir...

I don't care, sir,
'cause this dance,
Mr. Mayor...

I know.
It's political suicide.

To tell you the truth,
I could probably spin this
so it wouldn't kill you.

I'm coming to you
as a friend.

There are a lot of guys
who could do this
and feel nothing,

but you're not
one of those guys.

You're going to regret this.

You're going to get hurt.

You let me be
the judge of that.

Randall,

just don't do this.

Did you just
call me Randall?

Yeah. Yeah, I did.

Look, I don't have
a whole lot in my life
I can hold on to,

but I've always respected you

more than anyone
I've ever worked with,

more than anyone
I ever knew,

and I don't
want to lose that,

Randall.

It's my birthday,

and I'm going to
at least have one dance.

I'm really sorry.

Would you do
this poor old fool
the honor of a dance

on his 50th birthday?

Now?

Of course I will.

Nice job!

Talk about
your damage control.

Stuart,

everything I said,
I meant.

It came
from the heart.

Uh-huh. How long
you been saving that
call-him-Randall thing?

About six months.

Look what just showed up.

Happy birthday, Mr. Mayor.

Oh, and, Paul? Don't worry.

You and I are still friends.

You need help,
but we're still friends.

(CHUCKLES)

Nobody here to see it.
(LAUGHS) He did it again.

I don't know what
the big deal is with
that guy, anyway.

Everything he does,
he copied from me.