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1
00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:03,950
Well, that's unbelievable.
Danielle just called me.
2
00:00:04,050 --> 00:00:05,350
She canceled
our dinner for tonight.
3
00:00:05,450 --> 00:00:07,790
She claims she had
her wisdom teeth removed.
4
00:00:07,890 --> 00:00:09,070
This is not
a lie, Mike.
5
00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:10,510
I just saw her
an hour ago.
6
00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:13,740
We are talking
big cheeks, numb lips,
lots of drool.
7
00:00:14,580 --> 00:00:16,560
So she's up
and around.
8
00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:17,680
Mike.
9
00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:19,640
This is unb...
Look at me!
10
00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:22,810
My first Valentine's Day
alone in this harsh world.
11
00:00:22,910 --> 00:00:25,810
Is it so wrong that I want
a little female companionship?
12
00:00:25,910 --> 00:00:27,730
If you really want,
I can set you up
with someone.
13
00:00:27,830 --> 00:00:29,450
Yes, I want.
I want. Yes.
14
00:00:29,550 --> 00:00:32,020
All right, fine.
I'll call Suzanne.
15
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,220
No, no. She does this
twirly thing with her hair
16
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,820
that I know would
drive you up the wall.
17
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,820
Maybe Veronica.
Although this being
your first date back,
18
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,270
Veronica might be
a bit too aggressive,
19
00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:41,550
you know,
sexually speaking.
20
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:43,710
I've got it!
21
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,190
Katie would be perfect.
22
00:00:45,290 --> 00:00:47,350
She's cute.
She's the sweetest thing
you'll ever meet.
23
00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:49,480
Tell me more
about Veronica.
24
00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:50,920
Mike, listen.
25
00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:52,640
Is it all right
if I come in
a little late tomorrow?
26
00:00:52,740 --> 00:00:55,120
Because, tonight
I got plans
with Claudia.
27
00:00:55,220 --> 00:00:57,840
(CLICKS TONGUE) We may have
to sleep in a little,
if you know what I mean?
28
00:00:57,940 --> 00:01:00,210
You can come in late,
as long as you promise
29
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,310
not to tell me
what you mean.
30
00:01:03,470 --> 00:01:04,890
Wait a minute.
Why am I setting you up?
31
00:01:04,990 --> 00:01:06,450
I don't even
have a date yet.
32
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:08,660
You're always welcome
to join me at the bar.
33
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,540
I'll be reenacting
my traditional
bad holiday ritual.
34
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,100
It involves a good book
and a big bottle of Chianti.
35
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,270
No expectations.
No disappointments.
36
00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:19,550
Forgive me,
Stuart, but when
I close my eyes
37
00:01:19,650 --> 00:01:21,670
and try to envision
the perfect
Valentine's Day,
38
00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:24,890
you are usually
bound and gagged
in a shed somewhere.
39
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,100
Ooh. (CHUCKLING)
40
00:01:29,780 --> 00:01:31,600
You know, Nikki,
sometimes the perfect date
41
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:33,700
is right under
your nose.
42
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,850
You know what?
You're right.
43
00:01:37,950 --> 00:01:39,290
This is not
a time for pride.
44
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,390
I need to start
calling old boyfriends.
45
00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:43,900
Well, I am
no longer
46
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,500
desperate and alone
this evening.
47
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,860
Spence called.
He wants to see me.
48
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,900
Spence? The guy
who dumped you
twice, Spence?
49
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,510
I prefer just Spence.
50
00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:55,470
Well, that can
only mean on thing,
he wants you back.
51
00:01:55,570 --> 00:01:57,430
Come on. Spence
and I are over.
52
00:01:57,530 --> 00:02:01,550
Tonight is merely
a friendly little extension
of the olive branch.
53
00:02:01,650 --> 00:02:03,660
Is that a euphemism?
54
00:02:07,860 --> 00:02:10,400
Please. Tonight
is totally casual.
In fact, Mike,
55
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,850
if your date doesn't pan out,
feel free to stop by.
56
00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:14,810
Spence is bringing
a friend of his,
a woman.
57
00:02:14,910 --> 00:02:17,610
Sounds great.
Thank you, Carter.
It's a good plan "B".
58
00:02:17,710 --> 00:02:21,820
Plan "B"? You are going
out with a friend of mine
tonight, buster!
59
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:23,220
How immature are you?
60
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,100
I'm not immature.
61
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,200
Just in case
she's an uggo.
62
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,130
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
63
00:02:41,140 --> 00:02:43,320
Well, am I...
64
00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:45,800
glad Nikki thought
of setting us up.
65
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:49,970
I mean, we just met,
and... And already I'm
feeling pretty comfortable.
66
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:52,450
And I think that's unusual,
because, you know,
67
00:02:52,550 --> 00:02:55,570
sometimes these things
can be pretty awkward.
68
00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:57,140
I can tell
within 15 minutes
69
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,240
whether or not
I'm gonna have
sex with a guy.
70
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:05,700
Really?
71
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,190
I, uh...
72
00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:10,010
I have an aunt
who can guess people's
favorite colors.
73
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,830
Come on. Everybody's
the same way.
74
00:03:13,930 --> 00:03:15,800
At least, I have
the guts to admit it.
75
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,880
So...
76
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,980
when do
my 15 minutes start?
77
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:22,600
They already did.
78
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,410
That's all right.
I can handle pressure.
79
00:03:24,510 --> 00:03:26,090
I deal with it every day.
80
00:03:26,190 --> 00:03:28,190
Thrive on it.
81
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,010
Fourteen fifty-eight...
82
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,610
Uh, can I get
some wine, please?
83
00:03:32,710 --> 00:03:34,720
Hurry!
84
00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:46,050
(SIGHS)
85
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:49,610
(CLEARS THROAT)
86
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,500
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
87
00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:01,390
Coming!
88
00:04:04,430 --> 00:04:06,430
(SINGSONG) Coming!
89
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:15,200
(EXHALES)
90
00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:23,950
Spence Kamer!
91
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:26,050
How you doin',
Carter?
92
00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:33,840
Okay. Got
through that.
93
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,120
Ha-ha. Yeah.
94
00:04:35,220 --> 00:04:37,230
Come on in.
Sit down.
95
00:04:38,350 --> 00:04:42,250
Oh... I miss
this couch!
96
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,610
Yeah, well,
you got the stereo,
97
00:04:43,710 --> 00:04:45,710
I got the couch.
98
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:47,700
I didn't say
I want the couch.
99
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,800
I just said
I miss the couch.
100
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,540
Uh, white wine okay?
101
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,420
Sure, thanks.
102
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,550
(SIGHS)
You look great.
103
00:04:56,650 --> 00:04:58,230
Yeah, you, too.
104
00:04:58,330 --> 00:04:59,590
I like that goatee.
105
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,830
Yeah, well, they, uh...
(CHUCKLING)
106
00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:03,750
seem pretty hip,
but you get
a few stray hairs
107
00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:05,200
growing in
the wrong direction,
108
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,300
you start to look
like Count Chocula!
109
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,240
(EXHALES)
110
00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:11,340
And that's not good.
111
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:14,790
No.
112
00:05:16,430 --> 00:05:18,250
Uh, where's your friend?
Is she coming?
113
00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:19,650
I thought you said
she was coming.
114
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,290
Not that I'm not
glad to see you.
115
00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:24,220
It's just that...
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'm babbling.
116
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:26,500
It's okay, though,
actually,
I kinda miss that.
117
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,180
Um, I asked her
to stop by
a little later.
118
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:31,000
I'd like to spend some
time alone with you first,
if that's okay.
119
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,270
Oh. Okay.
120
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:36,470
Whatever.
121
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,570
(SOFTLY) Boy!
122
00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:43,040
Just relax, okay?
123
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:45,280
Drink the wine...
124
00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:47,240
breathe
the secondhand smoke...
125
00:05:47,340 --> 00:05:49,340
(INHALES)
126
00:05:50,510 --> 00:05:53,030
And think about
the emptiness
of your life.
127
00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:56,550
Don't you think
that's a little dark?
128
00:05:57,230 --> 00:05:59,100
Sit down.
129
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,060
Everyone'll wind up
here, eventually.
130
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,180
They always do.
131
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,260
No, no. Not Nikki.
She's out with Kevin.
132
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,380
Right now, she's
probably laughing
at his little jokes,
133
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:08,550
laughing at
his stories...
134
00:06:08,650 --> 00:06:09,750
What's he do?
135
00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:11,850
He's a comedian.
136
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:15,670
You know she'll
fall for the guy,
137
00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:17,080
and I'll get to hear
about it every day
138
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:18,920
until my ears bleed.
139
00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:21,020
I hate this.
140
00:06:22,420 --> 00:06:24,420
(DOOR SLAMS CLOSE)
141
00:06:28,870 --> 00:06:32,610
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, Paul,
this is so sexy!
142
00:06:32,710 --> 00:06:36,020
You're telling me.
And watch your feet.
143
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,580
This is gonna be
the best Valentine's Day
144
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,300
of your life,
darlin'. And dip.
(THUDS)
145
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,180
Oh!
I'm sorr...
146
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:44,280
I'm so sorry!
I'm sorry!
147
00:06:45,730 --> 00:06:46,750
Oh! Are you
all right?
148
00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:48,670
I'm okay.
I'm okay, honey.
149
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:51,430
I know this isn't
the best place to dance.
(MUSIC STOPS)
150
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:53,540
It's just...
151
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:55,400
Well, I wanted
to start our evening
152
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:58,200
in the room where
our lips first met.
153
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:01,800
Oh, Paul. Sweep me
off my feet right now,
154
00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:03,910
and I'm yours forever.
155
00:07:04,430 --> 00:07:06,490
(MUSIC PLAYING)
156
00:07:06,590 --> 00:07:08,690
Tango?
157
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,790
Take me.
158
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:17,420
Tonight... Cupid's
arrow will strike
sharply and precisely.
159
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,900
Open!
160
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,010
(GAGS)
Ooh! Ooh!
161
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,110
I'm sorry!
162
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:24,310
Oh, I'm sorry!
163
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:26,650
I should have taken
out the thorns.
164
00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:28,670
I'm sorry.
165
00:07:28,770 --> 00:07:29,790
(WATCH BEEPS)
166
00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:31,900
Ah. So...
167
00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:35,660
How'd I do?
168
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,020
I'm not gonna have
sex with you tonight.
169
00:07:39,790 --> 00:07:41,970
Well. Then, uh...
170
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:44,070
I'm not gonna have
sex with you, either.
171
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,540
Good night,
Michael Flaherty.
172
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,640
Good night,
Veronica...
173
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,520
Veronica.
174
00:07:57,730 --> 00:08:00,150
So I gathered a few thousand
of my closest friends,
175
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,310
and we swarmed
the state legislature.
176
00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:04,630
We got arrested,
but we got results.
177
00:08:04,730 --> 00:08:07,720
Still doing the whole
angry black man thing, huh?
178
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,820
Yeah, well, I think
it works for me.
179
00:08:11,460 --> 00:08:13,780
Tried the angry
Chinese man thing,
but...
180
00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:17,650
couldn't seem
to nail it.
181
00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:20,390
Well, the Carter
I knew would have nailed
that Chinese man.
182
00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:23,830
Or at least,
bought him
a few drinks.
183
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,220
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
184
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,540
God, I miss
laughing like this.
Yeah, I know.
185
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,780
This is great.
186
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,300
Hey!
187
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,590
Uh...
188
00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:36,110
Mike!
189
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:38,230
Uh... what...
What happened to...
190
00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:39,350
Veronica?
191
00:08:39,450 --> 00:08:40,790
Pfft!
192
00:08:40,890 --> 00:08:42,900
I dumped her.
193
00:08:44,140 --> 00:08:45,880
Spence Kamer,
Mike Flaherty.
194
00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:47,000
Mike Flaherty.
195
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:48,640
Hey, uh, Spence.
Hey, Mike.
196
00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:51,120
So, Spence, when's this
mystery woman showing up?
197
00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:53,650
Actually, I asked her
to come by a little later,
198
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,610
because I wanted to talk
to you about something
199
00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:57,730
while we were,
uh, alone.
200
00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,610
(SIGHS)
201
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:02,200
That's okay.
I have no secrets
from Mike.
202
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:06,560
We're very close.
203
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,520
Okay. Carter,
Melissa and I
are getting married.
204
00:09:10,410 --> 00:09:12,310
To who?
205
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,030
Listen, Carter, I found
out a lot about myself
206
00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:17,790
in the last year, and
the fact is, I'm straight,
207
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,560
and we're
getting married.
208
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,660
I came here to ask
you to be my best man.
209
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:28,930
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
210
00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:30,330
(MIKE CLEARS THROAT)
211
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:32,430
All right, let me get
this straight.
212
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,830
Let me...
Let me cut straight
to the chase.
213
00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:38,880
I can't stop
saying "straight."
214
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,420
This uncomfortable
for you guys?
215
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:43,860
A little bit. Yeah.
216
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,060
So it's not
just me.
No.
217
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,170
Well, we got
that straight.
218
00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:50,270
You sure
you're all right?
219
00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:51,670
Oh, I'm fine.
220
00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:54,070
I think the bleeding's
almost stopped.
(CHUCKLING)
221
00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:55,720
So...
222
00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:56,800
Do you trust me?
223
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,040
Forever.
224
00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,560
Well, that's good.
225
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:01,000
Because...
226
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,560
Ooh!
227
00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:05,530
Are you going to interrogate
me until you break my will
228
00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:08,170
and I submit to
your every desire?
229
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:10,270
No. I just
thought this
would be neat.
230
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,100
Now, don't
be afraid.
Okay.
231
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,620
This is
just phase two.
232
00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:17,740
(CHUCKLES)
233
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:18,820
(POPS)
234
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,220
Oh, I know that sound.
235
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,110
Phase three...
236
00:10:23,210 --> 00:10:25,510
is a carriage ride
around the city.
237
00:10:25,610 --> 00:10:28,150
Ooh! Those
are expensive.
238
00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:30,350
Well,
I have a coupon.
239
00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:32,460
(LAUGHING)
240
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,100
Drink.
241
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,400
And now,
my darling,
242
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:42,590
chase it down
with this.
243
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:46,090
Mmm!
244
00:10:46,190 --> 00:10:49,010
What is that taste?
It's very interesting. Mmm.
245
00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:51,420
How could you not know
what a strawberry tastes like?
246
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,820
(WHIMPERS)
247
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,840
How was I supposed
to know she was
allergic to strawberries?
248
00:10:58,600 --> 00:10:59,630
Refresh my memory.
249
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:01,910
Was phase three
the romantic carriage ride
250
00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:04,010
or the trip
to the emergency room?
251
00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:05,990
You should have
seen her.
252
00:11:06,090 --> 00:11:08,560
Her head swelled up.
Her face turned blue.
253
00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:10,980
She looked like
that crazy girl
from Willy Wonka.
254
00:11:13,820 --> 00:11:15,600
Will you look
at Nikki?
255
00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:17,480
If I didn't know her,
I'd make a move on her.
256
00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:20,050
But I do know her.
And she knows me.
257
00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:22,450
Well, if you're gonna
make a move,
you gotta have an edge.
258
00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:24,550
You can't be normal, James.
259
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:26,530
Hey, James.
Brought you a beer.
260
00:11:26,630 --> 00:11:27,660
You wanted
a light, right?
261
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,540
Yeah, thanks.
Hey, Nikki,
262
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,620
why don't you
and I sit over
at that table?
263
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,720
Why?
264
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,670
Why?
265
00:11:36,770 --> 00:11:38,430
Why?
266
00:11:38,530 --> 00:11:40,710
Paul feels really bad
about Claudia,
267
00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:42,270
and I'd just like
a moment alone
268
00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:44,370
to comfort him.
269
00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:47,740
Okay.
270
00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:53,720
I really appreciate
that, Stuart.
271
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:57,010
I really do, because,
I mean, my relationship
with Claudia is...
272
00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:59,110
Don't care.
273
00:12:00,990 --> 00:12:02,130
I'll be rational
about this.
274
00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:04,180
I'm sure this happens
to thousands of people
275
00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:06,280
thousands of times.
276
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,120
You really think so?
277
00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:14,190
I'm sorry.
You... You were
starting to talk.
278
00:12:14,290 --> 00:12:16,290
I made him
straight, Mike.
279
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:20,910
I mean,
how would you feel
280
00:12:21,010 --> 00:12:22,040
if a woman
you were dating
281
00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,180
left you to be
with another woman?
282
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,620
Just a second.
283
00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:30,020
Trying to picture it.
284
00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:32,810
It's not just that
he's moved on.
285
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:33,970
It's that...
286
00:12:34,070 --> 00:12:35,050
(SIGHS) Everything
about my life
287
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,690
says that I've been
standing still.
288
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,490
He's changed his
sexual orientation.
289
00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:40,920
I can't even change
the message on
my answering machine!
290
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,540
You are being too hard
on yourself, all right?
291
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,640
You bought
that new bread maker.
292
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,450
Thanks, Mike.
I'll cling to that.
293
00:12:51,010 --> 00:12:53,910
Spence knows me
better than anybody
else in the world.
294
00:12:54,010 --> 00:12:55,670
It probably took him
five seconds to figure out
295
00:12:55,770 --> 00:12:57,070
I was still
waiting for him.
296
00:12:57,170 --> 00:12:58,760
He's gonna come
back up here
feeling sorry for me.
297
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,200
(SIGHS)
298
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:02,360
I don't think
I can take that.
299
00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:04,600
Listen, Carter...
300
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,700
I've been
through this.
301
00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:09,730
Well, not exactly
this, but...
302
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:12,690
something very similar,
and... And...
303
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:15,550
And I know how
painful this can be.
304
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,820
If there's anything
I can do for you,
305
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,180
just ask, all right?
306
00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:25,310
Even if... Even if
I can make tonight
a little bit easier.
307
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:27,110
You know, I...
I'm at your service.
308
00:13:27,210 --> 00:13:29,470
I'm in your corner.
I'm on your team.
309
00:13:29,570 --> 00:13:31,570
(DOOR OPENS)
310
00:13:48,550 --> 00:13:50,550
Thanks, honey.
311
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,660
Isn't this just great?
312
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,500
I mean, I can't
believe this.
313
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,260
The two of you,
the two of us
sitting here,
314
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,370
getting to know
each other.
315
00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:12,720
Me, too.
316
00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:14,120
Michael?
317
00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,220
Isn't this great?
318
00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:21,630
Oh, sure...
319
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,070
honey.
320
00:14:24,910 --> 00:14:26,930
So, Melissa...
321
00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,170
(GIGGLES)
322
00:14:28,270 --> 00:14:29,460
How'd you two meet?
323
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,020
We worked together
on an ad campaign.
324
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,660
It would have been
love at first sight,
but I thought he was gay.
325
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,760
He was!
326
00:14:38,050 --> 00:14:39,750
Does anybody
want a beer or...
327
00:14:39,850 --> 00:14:41,850
I... uh, I'll take
a couple dozen.
328
00:14:43,810 --> 00:14:45,030
I'll help you.
329
00:14:45,130 --> 00:14:47,080
Oh, I don't know.
Few minutes alone
with you,
330
00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:49,200
I might come
back straight!
(CHUCKLES)
331
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,300
Hell, I might
come back white!
332
00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:56,130
James, really,
this is unnecessary.
333
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:58,290
Ah, yes, but
a gesture is romantic
334
00:14:58,390 --> 00:15:00,790
largely because
it is unnecessary.
335
00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:04,470
Think about it.
336
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,830
I'd rather not.
337
00:15:15,930 --> 00:15:17,910
James, you're acting
really weird.
338
00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:20,010
Listen, Nikki, uh...
339
00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:23,370
you think you
know me,
but you don't.
340
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,340
You only know a...
341
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,920
Office James.
342
00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:30,540
Don't get me wrong.
Great guy. Love him.
343
00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:35,410
He's harmless,
you know?
344
00:15:35,510 --> 00:15:36,890
He's the kinda guy
you give your keys to
345
00:15:36,990 --> 00:15:39,410
if you needed someone
to feed your cats.
346
00:15:39,510 --> 00:15:41,510
You have never met...
347
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,320
after-hours James.
348
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,260
After-hours James.
349
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,200
Let us just say
you don't give
your keys to...
350
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,370
after-hours James.
351
00:15:54,690 --> 00:15:56,690
You lock your door.
352
00:15:57,170 --> 00:15:59,670
I'm gonna go
to the bathroom,
353
00:15:59,770 --> 00:16:00,800
and when I come back,
354
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,320
I wanna meet
one of two people,
355
00:16:03,420 --> 00:16:05,920
either office James...
356
00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:08,700
or outside hailing
a cab James.
357
00:16:11,190 --> 00:16:13,170
I'll tell you, you...
358
00:16:13,270 --> 00:16:15,270
You're a very
lucky guy.
359
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,280
Oh, you mean Carter.
360
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,120
Lucky.
361
00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:29,470
Lucky me.
362
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:33,250
You know, Mike,
you are exactly
Carter's type.
363
00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:36,540
Super.
364
00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:40,800
SPENCE: So, Michael,
365
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,520
when did you come out?
366
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:43,720
Uh... Huh?
367
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:44,920
SPENCE: Oh.
368
00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:46,090
Forget it.
Don't say anything.
369
00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:48,410
I can tell.
You haven't yet,
have you?
370
00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:50,250
Uh, well...
371
00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:52,410
Manhattan is...
372
00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:54,510
such a conservative town.
373
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,280
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
374
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,500
SPENCE: Ah. So, Carter,
375
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,610
what do you say?
376
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:06,790
Would you like to be
my best man?
377
00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:09,710
I... I'd love to,
but I'm really busy.
378
00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:11,030
Well, we haven't
set a date yet.
379
00:17:11,130 --> 00:17:12,270
We could plan
it around your schedule.
380
00:17:12,370 --> 00:17:13,840
Busy, busy, busy.
381
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:16,480
I can barely come
up for air.
382
00:17:16,580 --> 00:17:18,580
Tell him.
Tell him, Mike.
383
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:23,670
Busy as a little bee.
384
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,730
Come on, Carter.
Don't be like this.
385
00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:28,970
Stop pushing me.
386
00:17:29,070 --> 00:17:31,660
You always did that.
It's driving me crazy.
387
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,760
It's not gonna
happen, okay?
388
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:39,900
(BOTH SIGH)
389
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,790
Can't you say
something to him?
390
00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:44,210
You know what he's like
when he's in one of his moods.
391
00:17:49,460 --> 00:17:51,680
My date was a bust.
Thank you, Nikki.
392
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,720
Carter, how'd things
go with Spence?
393
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:55,880
Uh, you know what,
he's not even
my type any more.
394
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:57,400
I don't know what
I was thinking.
395
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,050
Paul, you and Claudia?
396
00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:01,150
Tried to kill her.
397
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:05,650
Hi, Veronica.
398
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,540
(DOOR CLOSES)
399
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,220
Hi. Look,
I been doing
a lot of thinking,
400
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,520
and I decided
I acted badly earlier.
401
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,660
I made
a big mistake.
402
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,510
You're a man.
I'm a woman.
403
00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:17,910
It's Valentine's Day.
404
00:18:18,010 --> 00:18:20,010
There's no reason
we shouldn't have sex.
405
00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:25,150
Okay,
is this real,
406
00:18:25,250 --> 00:18:27,860
or did someone
set this up
to make me crazy?
407
00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:34,200
All right, hold on
a minute, all right?
408
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,250
You know,
I have feelings,
you know.
409
00:18:36,350 --> 00:18:38,570
You can't just come
waltzing in here
and expect me...
410
00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:40,770
Yes or no?
Yes.
411
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,450
I'll let you say
good-bye to your friends,
412
00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:44,560
and I'll be right back.
413
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,920
Well, who says
you don't get rewarded
for good deeds?
414
00:18:56,290 --> 00:18:58,290
Hey, Spence!
415
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:06,840
Listen, Carter, I...
416
00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:08,280
I couldn't leave
it like that.
417
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:12,610
Welcome to our table
of romantic failures, Spence.
418
00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:14,770
Yeah, Mike's the only
lucky one here tonight.
419
00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:17,570
Of course.
He's got carter.
420
00:19:17,670 --> 00:19:19,330
Mike and Carter?
What do you mean
Mike and Cart...
421
00:19:19,430 --> 00:19:21,440
(KICKS)
Ow! Ow!
422
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,100
Somebody kicked me!
423
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,460
Sorry. Sorry. I was
just uncrossing my legs.
424
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:26,580
No problem.
425
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:27,700
What do you mean
Mike and Cart...
426
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,060
(KICKS)
Ow!
427
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,150
Ow! Ow!
428
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:34,110
Sorry. Me again. Me again.
Just getting crowded
under there.
429
00:19:34,210 --> 00:19:36,550
Well, please!
I bruise easily.
430
00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:37,790
What... Ow!
431
00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:39,900
Ow!
432
00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:45,640
That was me.
433
00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:47,750
I mean, why shouldn't
I get to play?
434
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:54,450
Uh, Spence, Mike
and I haven't told
everyone here that...
435
00:19:54,550 --> 00:19:56,920
we were in love... yet.
436
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,880
I can't believe this.
437
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,320
You finally...
438
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,050
tell me you love me...
439
00:20:08,770 --> 00:20:10,630
You do it here.
440
00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:12,730
So, you wanna
get out of here?
441
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,460
(SIGHS)
442
00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:24,710
Boy, are you barking
up the wrong tree.
443
00:20:30,910 --> 00:20:32,570
Then I guess
I'll be going.
444
00:20:32,670 --> 00:20:34,680
I'll see you
to the door.
445
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,660
Happy Valentine's Day, fellas.
446
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,500
You know,
I work with Nikki, too.
447
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,600
You're not
Stuart, right?
448
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,130
No.
449
00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:49,610
Well, you did
the right thing.
450
00:20:50,090 --> 00:20:51,190
Feel better?
451
00:20:51,290 --> 00:20:53,560
No, not really.
452
00:20:53,660 --> 00:20:56,080
Wish you were
a little more petty
and vindictive?
453
00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:58,040
Yeah, pretty much.
454
00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:00,320
I know how that goes.
455
00:21:00,420 --> 00:21:02,330
I still want
him in my life.
456
00:21:02,430 --> 00:21:04,430
So...
457
00:21:05,750 --> 00:21:07,750
this is being gay.
458
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,840
Yeah. This is what
we're fighting for.
459
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,500
As much as I'd like
to hang around
and experiment,
460
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,790
I'm afraid I must
get back to the
heterosexual world.
461
00:21:19,890 --> 00:21:22,230
Mike, I really
appreciate...
Don't, all right?
462
00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:24,650
No, don't.
Don't even say it.
463
00:21:26,290 --> 00:21:29,960
You were there for me,
and whenever you need it,
464
00:21:30,060 --> 00:21:31,880
I'll be there for you.
465
00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:32,960
Good.
466
00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:35,060
Wedding's in June.
467
00:21:36,910 --> 00:21:38,910
You're gonna
need to get a tux.
468
00:21:44,030 --> 00:21:45,530
Oh, I ruined
Valentine's Day.
469
00:21:45,630 --> 00:21:48,220
Oh, Paulie,
it's just one night.
470
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,020
Besides, it's, what,
only ten to 12:00.
471
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:53,460
There's still time
left for romance.
472
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,110
Really?
Yeah.
473
00:21:55,210 --> 00:21:57,390
Why don't you start
by getting me a drink?
474
00:21:57,490 --> 00:22:00,070
I could use one.
475
00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:02,750
That'll take too long.
Here, take mine.
I'll get a fresh one.
476
00:22:02,850 --> 00:22:04,860
Okay. Thank you, honey.
477
00:22:05,420 --> 00:22:06,680
Mmm.
478
00:22:06,780 --> 00:22:08,780
I know that taste.
479
00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:10,960
It's a daiquiri.
480
00:22:11,060 --> 00:22:13,060
I'll call an ambulance.
33078
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