All language subtitles for Spin City S01E14 Dog Day Afternoon_track9_[eng]

Hey, Carter.
Listen to this.

I'm downstairs,
I'm getting
my morning bagel,

and Jill from
accounting insists
on paying for it.

Oh, I think it's obvious.
She likes you, Mike,

and until you
repay the favor,
you're in her debt.

Janelle, fax her
a cheese Danish.

Should I fax these people
assorted pastries as well?

Who are
all these from?

(SCOFFS) Every unattached
woman in the building.

Oh, lemme see.

Oh. Wait a second.

Half these women
told me they were married.

Hell,

this one's roommate
told me she was dead.

JAMES:
Mike, you have, like,

30 lunch
invites here.

Maria from
the Hispanic commission

wants you to try that new
Cuban place with her.

Yoko from
the Japanese consulate
wants to get sushi.

Lori from
the parks department

wants to
take you out
for wild game.

Well, as long as Julie
from waste disposal
didn't call.

What the hell
is going on?

Mike, the word
of your breakup
is out.

You're officially
in play.
(SCOFFS)

I'm not in play.
I'm on the injured
reserve list,

six to eight weeks
with a broken heart.

Women decide whether
you're in play or not.

You have nothing
to say about it.

I can say
I'm not in play.

(CHUCKLES)
Saying it makes you
even more in play.

You're right.
That could hurt me.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(WOMEN LAUGHING AND CHEERING)

Don't scream.
It's just me.

Save your
pickup lines.

Morning, Nikki.
Is she decent?

Uh, she's okay.

What are you guys
doing here?

Wow. Look at
this place.

The opulence...
It's like a spa.

I could send my mother
here for the winter.

We need to talk about
our problem with Mike,

and it seemed like the only
place he wouldn't find us.

He's been working us
past midnight

every night this week.

There's no crisis
going on.

I think
it's ridiculous.

I mean,
you would think...

You would think
that Mike would want
to go home,

but now that's
Ashley's gone,

he's got the whole
place to himself.
He can...

He can
walk around naked.

He can watch SportsCenter.
He can eat in bed.

And, in your mind,

he's doing
all this naked?

Guys, the most important
person in Mike's life
just left him, okay?

He's burying himself
in his work.

What more natural way
can you imagine for him

to deal with
his loneliness?

No, no, no.
I know how
Mike feels.

It is hard to go home
to an empty apartment

when you're
used to having
someone there.

Who'd you live
with, James?

Well, you know...

My parents.

Mike, listen,
I'm sorry,

but I've gotta
leave early tonight.

He's trying to go
over the wall.
No, no, no, no.

My fan club's having
its first meeting tonight,

and they want me there.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Lemme see this.
Lemme see this.

Well, it's not
Paul's handwriting.

The postmark
looks legitimate.

It's either
a stunning forgery,

or there are actually
people willing
to give up

their free time
to pay homage to Paul.

That's disturbing,

but I'm gonna have
to let you go.

Thank you.

I know. That guy
is a total pig.

I feel like I should wear
a sign across my breasts

that says, "I'm up here."
(LAUGHS)

So, you're assuming

he can read.
Right.

Nikki, you're
just in time.

And, you, you're late.

Who are you?

Mike, this is
Danielle Brinkman.

Oh, that's right.
You're the...

You're the new
assistant D.A.

DANIELLE:
Michael Flaherty.

We went to
Fordham together.

We were in the same
ethics class.

I cut ethics.

Wait, Danielle Brinkman.
You're Todd Burskey's
girlfriend.

How is Todd?

We broke up
eight years ago.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Actually,
I'm kind of over it.

Did it take
the whole eight years,

'cause I'm
on week one,

and I'm nauseous
all the time...

Anyway, good to see you

Mr. Cheated-off-
my-ethics-final-

and-didn't-have-
the-decency-to-thank-me.

We got a "C."

Thanks a lot.

Mike, I hear you've
been burning the midnight oil.

Well, sir,
I've taken
the liberty

of working out
a long-term

political plan
for you.
Uh-huh.

Well, first off, let me say
how flattered I am

that you even have me
alive in 2060.

Never underestimate
science, sir.

Yeah.

PAUL:
Uh, Mr. Mayor?
Yeah.

Listen, I have kind of
a special favor to ask you.

What's that smell?

Oh, that's
my cologne.

It's wonderful.
Thank you.

What brand is it?

Seduction.

Hey, Paul,
men's fragrances
are on the fourth floor.

This is first floor,
city government.

What favor
you wanted to ask?

Sir, there's a meeting
of my fan club tonight.

Paul, well, hey.
You've got
a fan club, huh?

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

Mike, do I have
a fan club?

Oh, yes,
you do, sir.
Oh.

It's called
the city of New York.
Oh.

Yeah, well,
if you're not
too busy,

it would really
be a thrill

if everybody could,
you know, sort of
come by to meet you.

I'd love to, Paul.

Oh! No,
I'm sorry,
I can't.

I've got to, um...
Mike, tell him what.

Oh, you know,
well, you can't, sir.
He can't because

you've got the...

Well, sir,
you're busy for
the next seven years.

Yeah, well, see there?

Damn.
My hands
are tied.

Mr. Mayor,
it's your wife, sir.

(MUMBLES)

Her charity function
was canceled.

She wants to know
if you can meet for dinner.

Ah, well, tell her
I've already committed

to making
an appearance

at Paul's fan club
meeting tonight.

If only she had
caught me earlier.

It's all about
timing, sir.
Ooh.

Mike, why do
I have to work

on this midnight
basketball initiative?

This is
minority affairs.

That's Carter's job,
not mine.

You've been out
in the city lately?
You are the minority.

I'm talking here.

Mike, I'd be happy
to do this alone.
Very happy.

Listen up,
Bert, Ernie...

I want this presentation
first thing tomorrow morning.

(SIGHS)

Hey, Mike.
Hey.

Guess who I ran
into this morning.

Do you remember
Joe Reed?

Lived in your
freshman dorm?

Huge head,
size of a pumpkin?

Oh, Joe, yeah.
Joe. Joe.

He could barely
walk upright.

What's he doing now?

Couldn't tell you.
The whole time
he was talking,

I just
kept thinking,

"My God, will you
look at the size
of this guy's melon?"

The guy was
cranially challenged.

Let's not
get vicious.
Oh, really?

Now, what was it
you called Joe
in college?

Frankenhead.

Oh, listen, if you
want to talk about
that police thing,

I got ten minutes
right now.

Oh, I can't.
I'm on my way to court.
What about this afternoon?

City council.

Well, we really should
take care of this
pretty soon.

Besides, I want
to catch up on what
everybody's doing.

Remember
Betsy Holden?

"Two drinks
and I'm yours"?

She was
my best friend.

I knew that.

I'm kidding.

I knew that.
(CHUCKLES)

Listen, I'm
free tonight.

We could grab dinner
and take care of
all this stuff.

Uh, guys, don't we have
a lot of work tonight?

No. No.
Nothing, nothing.
No. No.

Nothing that
can't wait.
You can go.

Yeah, okay.
Why not?

8:00?

Actually, 7:00's
better for him.

I'll make
the reservations.

Excuse me.
Oh, hi.

I'm Claudia Sacks,

president of
the Paul Lassiter Fan Club.

Yes, I know.
You do wonderful
work, Ms. Sacks.

Oh, it's Claudia.

Claudia, yes.

Oh. Well,
this is the room.

It's a
banquet room.

Actually it's
a conference room.

Conference
slash banquet.

Oh, and here's
your name tag.

Ooh. (LAUGHS)

And, um...
These are
your pictures.

Here's a sharpie,
in case you want
to sign autographs.

Thank you.
This is our newsletter.

Lassiter Fun Facts
in four different colors.

"Paul won
the bronze medal
for public speaking

"when he was at St. Mary's
Elementary School."

It was a
silver medal, actually.
Oh.

Well, I'll
correct that.

Let it go.
Let it go.
That's fine.

So. I, uh...

(CLICKS TONGUE) I guess
I'm early, huh?

Actually, um... No.

No?

God, I just
feel horrible.

I mean, you really do
have so many fans
out there.

I know.
I talk to them
on the Internet.

This is it?
We have such

a good time
talking about you.

You know, the way you say,
"Next question, please."

That look you give reporters
when you're upset with them...

Like now.

Oh, Mr. Lassiter,

the last thing
I wanted to do

was embarrass you.

I'm not embarrassed.

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen!

Hmm.

Well, at least
there's no line
at the bar.

Guys, this is our first
night off in forever.

Why do we have
to sit around

and you drink
like a bunch
of college boys?

Why can't we
just talk?

So, what's new?

Ta-da!

Ah.
I call it
the Stuart Surprise.

What's in it?
No idea. If I knew,

I'd call it
the Stuart I Know
What's In It.

I'm in. (CLEARS THROAT)
Well, do you
shoot it, or what?

Again, no idea.

(BOTH GAGGING)

Here.
Wash it down
with these.

Wash it down
with these.

(BOTH GAGGING)

It's
delicious.

(BOTH COUGHING)

(RASPING) Smooth.

I'm going to
the bathroom.

(STUART LAUGHING)

That guy can't
hold his liquor.

...from the outside,
he sets, he shoots,
he pumps...

Nothing but trash.
My house, huh? Huh?

Yeah, I never
get tired of that game.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh, so now
you wanna

play a little
one-on-one.

Maybe after dinner.

I'm sorry.
I thought you were
the cleaning lady.

Oh. You two play
a lot of basketball,
do you?

Not so much
since she blew
her knee out.

Gimme a couple
of seconds, here.
I'll be ready to go.

All right.
You know,

this is exactly
how I pictured
your office.

Really?
With the, uh, walls

and the door
and everything?

(LAUGHING)

What the hell was that?
That wasn't even funny.

Listen to me.

I sound like
I'm 16 again.

This feels
really familiar.

She's nervous.
There's this weird
kinda tension.

Your hands are sweating.
Why are your hands sweating?

Oh, my God.
This is a date.

Red alert. Red alert.

Uh, you know what,
it's a little chilly in here.

Why don't you
put that back on?

Everybody out
of the building.

This is not
a drill.

Oh, are you
ready to go?

You know, I can't,
because I got
this big work thing.

You know,
the safety of the city

basically depends
on it, so...

Don't touch her.
Your hands are slimy.

Oh. Well, we still
have to talk about
that police indictment.

And we should
talk about that,
and we will.

Tell you what,
I'll call you.

No, I'll write...
I'll fax you, all right?

I'll send
a carrier pigeon.

See ya.
Yeah, okay.
All right.

That was nicely handled.
Very smooth.

Oh.

(CHUCKLES)

(SMALL VOICE)
Oh, no.

(NORMAL VOICE) Oh, God!
(YELPS)

Oh, my God!

Oh!

Well, I just
wanna say again

how truly sorry I am
about last night.

Yeah, well, I hope
you didn't bring
the whole fan club here,

you know,
'cause we don't wanna
create a fire hazard.

How did the big
party go?

(STAMMERS)

Oh, come on. Spill it, Paul.
I bet they made up T-shirts.

You know,
I would like

to put Paul Lassiter
on my chest.

Yes, I said chest.
You're like a horny
little chimp.

Well, to be
honest with you,

the whole
fan club thing,
it was just...

Only about
the most fun
I've ever had.

Morning, people.
Really, it was delightful.

I only wish that
my supporters were
as loyal as yours.

Well, good morning,
Ms. President.
Mr. Mayor.

Don't forget to tell me
about that next meeting, huh?

PAUL: Mr. Mayor?
Yeah.

Mr. Mayor.
Mr. Mayor.
Yeah.

(GRUNTS)

Not a real
hugger, Paul.

Don't take away
my incentive to make
these little gestures.

Are you sure
you don't remember
what happened?

Sorry, Stuart.
It's all a blur.

There might have
been dancing.

Well, look who
decided to show up.

It's America's
favorite couple.

I don't want to hear
any of your excuses, okay?

Your tardiness has put us
way behind schedule,

so why don't you two
cozy up?

'Cause you're
gonna be spendin'
the night together.

It'd be
the first time.

Okay.
Let's get rolling,

'cause we got
a lot of work to do.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Mike, we didn't mind

spending time with you
when Ashley left,

and we know
you're hurting,

so, we understand
why you're burying
yourself in your work,

but enough is enough.

We're worried
about you, Mike.

I'm healing.
I'll be fine.

No. No, no, no.

Uh, we're worried
about what we're
gonna to do you

if you keep us here
another night.

Sorry I had
to get rough
with you, man.

Mike... I was supposed

to go have drinks
with some people tonight.

Danielle's
gonna be there.

I thought maybe you'd...
No, no, no, no.
I can't.

No, because
Danielle thinks
I'm in play,

and I can't
even get out of
the locker room.

She's an
offensive machine.
She can score at will.

It's baby steps, Mike.

It's time.

(SCOFFS)
All right. Okay.

All right.
I'll go. I'll go.

You guys all take
the night off.

BOTH: Whoo!
JAMES: Yeah.

Whoo-hoo.
Except you two.

I gotta make that

proposal in
the morning,
so why don't you two

go find a room
and don't come out

until you figure out
a way to make balls
bounce at midnight.

So, the last time
I saw you in college,

you had your
shirt off,

you were drinking beer
out of one of those
ridiculous hats,

and you were screaming,
"I rule," over and over.

Yeah.

How did you ever
become the deputy mayor?

Well, I did
the exact same thing
during my interview.

Oh, I'm sorry.
You want more peanuts?

Mike, we've already
had four bowls.

See, this is part
of my overall
apology strategy.

I, you know,
say I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

until you find it
really annoying.

It was
a little much.

I'm sorry,

and then,
you know,

that's followed by
endless bowls of peanuts
until you forgive me.

I forgive you.

All right. Then
my work here is done.
Hold the nuts.

Well, this is it.

Chairs.
Podium.
Painting.

Everything you see on TV
except for the cameras,

which you
wouldn't see

because they're...
They're the ones

filming it.
(CHUCKLES)
Wow.

How cool is this?

Yeah.
So impressive.

Paul, can you stand
behind the podium...

For me?

You happy?

I know what
you're trying to do.

Yes, ma'am.

When Mr. Mayor
took office,

he promised to take care
of the pothole problem,

yet it seems
to have gotten worse.

Well, appearances
can be deceiving.

You see, because
this administration
has discovered

that potholes
are a way of combating

another scourge
of our city,

drag racing.

So, one has
to ask themself,

are potholes
a problem,

or do they
save lives?

Oh, that
was brilliant.

Yes, ma'am?
You in the front?

Mr. Lassiter,

would you kiss me?

Well, I see...
I don't think we're
prepared to answer...

They'll be
no further questions.

Is... Is part of
your apology plan

to get me really,
really drunk?

No, no, these
are for Nikki
and her friends.

Where did
they go, anyway?

I don't know.
I thought they
were at the bar.

Wait a minute.
Did I hear them

say something about
going to a club?

Oh. Yeah.
You wanna go
find 'em?

No, no. I'm not
a club kinda guy.

If I wanna shout
in someone's ear,

I'll go visit
my grandma.

Are you all right
that we're alone?

You're not about
to have a crisis

at the office,
are you?

Well, I can't
very well do it now
that you said that.

I am just saying
that if you wanna
call it a night, we can.

No. Hey,
come on, look...

I can
handle this.

I mean, after all,
we are two grown-up,

professional people
who just happen to be

of the opposite...sex.

I'll tell you what.

We will take all of
the danger out of
the situation

by behaving
exactly the opposite
of how we would

if this was a date.

I... I don't
follow you.

How much money
do you make?

Oh, I get it. I see.

I am
unbelievably shallow.

I'm lookin'
to have kids...

Soon.

I have never

satisfied a woman
in bed,

and I have no problem
with that.

Are you ready
to order?

Yes. I'll have
the lobster.
WAITRESS: Lobster.

Should I really
do this?

Oh, definitely.
Why not?

You're payin'
for it.

You don't
remember anything?

Look...

Even if anything
did go on,

I'm certainly not
gonna go shootin'
my mouth off about it.

I got a rep
to protect.

And you, to be
perfectly honest,

don't make much
of a trophy, okay?

So, you're
ashamed of me?

Nothing happened, okay?

We were drunk.
You couldn't find
your apartment keys,

so I let you
crash at my place.

Why didn't you
tell me?

I wanted to
teach you a lesson.

When you look at me,
all you see is
a gay person.

I'm just a guy, Stuart,
I'm a friend of yours.

I know that.

Oh, really?
Well, if Paul
had taken you home,

would you have
worried then?

No. But he's not gay.
Stuart!

Just because I'm gay,
it doesn't mean

I sleep with
every man I get
a chance to.

Look at you.
You're straight.

Do you sleep with
every woman you
get a change to?

Yes!

Woman?

Man.

Nice ass.

You know,
for a guy.
(CHUCKLES)

It's changes
like that

that make me love
this city.

They make me
really fear
blind dates.

Well, this is where
I get off.

And then things
got awkward.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, usually when
an evening goes
this well,

this is the point
where the guy...

Or the girl.

I can't do this.

I just ended
a long relationship,

and I'm still at home
reading old letters.

But you know what?

She dumped me.

I mean, I should
be able to move on.

I'm a grown man.
I can do this.

I can't do this.

Take your time.
Figure it out.

I don't have to
be at work for
a few hours yet.

Why should I
be uncomfortable?

I mean, I had
a fantastic evening.

You are beautiful.

I really love
being with you.

I can do this.
Mike, I don't know.

Pucker up.
All right.

But I'm not
closing my eyes.

I can't do this.

I am
so shocked.

Oh. I just...
It wouldn't be
fair to you,

because I would be
thinking about
somebody else.

I understand.

Timing, huh?

Yeah.

What was her name?

Ashley.

Mmm. Pretty name.

Yeah.

Well, good night,
Mike.

Yeah.

I had a really
great time.

Yeah, me, too.

But this is
the right thing.

Oh, my God.
I want her.

Shut up.

Sorry. I'm hungry.

NIKKI:
That's it?

Yeah. I didn't
even kiss her.

Nothing.
Why?

Because you're a wuss.

Apparently, I'm deep.

That doesn't
sound right.

You're not
deep, Mike.

Well, it's late.

Anyone ready
to go to bed?

She wants you.