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1
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:04,950
We had the greatest day.
I laughed at all of his jokes.
2
00:00:05,050 --> 00:00:06,750
I did the whole,
"You're so fascinating.
3
00:00:06,850 --> 00:00:08,790
"Please continue talking
about yourself" gambit.
4
00:00:08,890 --> 00:00:11,390
I pulled out all the stops.
He still hasn't called.
5
00:00:11,490 --> 00:00:13,980
I'll take things
I don't care about
for $100, Alex.
6
00:00:16,020 --> 00:00:17,360
Good morning.
7
00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:18,640
ALL: Good morning.
Good morning.
8
00:00:18,740 --> 00:00:20,840
Jamie, I really enjoyed
the Mayor's chat
9
00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:22,760
with the transit authority
commission last night.
10
00:00:22,860 --> 00:00:24,040
It was a very
effective speech.
11
00:00:24,140 --> 00:00:25,530
Thank you.
12
00:00:25,630 --> 00:00:28,450
Can you do me a favor
and read this line
I've circled there?
13
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,570
"We're all so very proud
of our new unique...
14
00:00:30,670 --> 00:00:33,970
"Unique New York,
New York,
Newark connector."
15
00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:37,260
Took the Mayor
about 25 minutes
to get through that.
16
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,220
You might want
to start reading
these things aloud,
17
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,700
especially with
the arrival next week
18
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,080
of the six Sikh sheiks
from Sheik-al Sham.
19
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,690
You're making
that up, right?
20
00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:48,830
Okay, next item.
21
00:00:48,930 --> 00:00:51,670
The Mayor's taping
an episode of
Counterpoint tomorrow.
22
00:00:51,770 --> 00:00:53,190
We will make sure
that he is prepared.
23
00:00:53,290 --> 00:00:54,910
Topic, superstores
in urban centers.
24
00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:56,880
Oh, I hate those stores!
25
00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:58,080
Last time I went to one,
26
00:00:58,180 --> 00:01:01,120
I got lost for the better
part of a weekend.
27
00:01:01,220 --> 00:01:03,200
Well, Paulie, that's why
we tie a balloon to your wrist
28
00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:05,240
before we send you down
to the Xerox room.
29
00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:07,450
That builder center
they opened up in Brooklyn
30
00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:09,410
knocked out eight
mom and pop
hardware stores.
31
00:01:09,510 --> 00:01:11,410
MIKE: That's a good
issue for us.
32
00:01:11,510 --> 00:01:15,010
These stores are going to
provide tax revenue to this
city in the amount of...
33
00:01:15,110 --> 00:01:17,500
(STUTTERS)
Every year, it'll be...
34
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,600
(SIGHS) Geez,
we should know this.
35
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,220
(PAUL CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)
36
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:22,780
In a second, Paul.
37
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,200
I want information.
(PAUL CONTINUES
CLEARING THROAT)
38
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,500
Exactly how much money
is the city's getting,
39
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,350
I wanna know
how many jobs
will be created,
40
00:01:28,450 --> 00:01:30,150
I want...
I want to know
41
00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:32,250
what you're
chokin' on, Paul.
42
00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:35,110
Nothing. I got
a tickle in my throat.
43
00:01:35,210 --> 00:01:36,710
Paul's got the bug.
We've all had it.
44
00:01:36,810 --> 00:01:38,280
Not me.
And you know why?
45
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:41,560
Because I take over
40 vitamins
and minerals a day.
46
00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:43,660
It's called a bowl
of Total, Stuart.
47
00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:46,760
American's onto
your little secret.
48
00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:49,970
You all get sick
because you're weak.
Sickness is all up here.
49
00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:52,450
The only thing that can
fight off a virus
is hearty resolve.
50
00:01:52,550 --> 00:01:53,530
Are you with me, Paul?
51
00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:55,490
I amb, Bike.
52
00:01:55,590 --> 00:01:56,930
Feelin' strong?
53
00:01:57,030 --> 00:01:59,100
(IN NASAL VOICE)
Got the strength
of 10 men!
54
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,220
You like crackers
and ginger ale?
Love 'em.
55
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,820
Great. 'Cause you're
about eight hours away
56
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,920
from wishing to God
you could hold 'em down.
57
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,120
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
58
00:02:23,380 --> 00:02:24,600
How you doin', honey?
59
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,700
Oh...
60
00:02:27,540 --> 00:02:29,080
No, no, no, nothing
to be afraid of.
61
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:31,170
Yes, there is.
You're lying to me.
62
00:02:31,270 --> 00:02:32,250
Not true.
63
00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:34,050
You know
Charlie Morris, right?
64
00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:36,990
Yeah. He's debating
the Mayor tomorrow night
on Counterpoint.
65
00:02:37,910 --> 00:02:39,910
Here it comes.
66
00:02:40,470 --> 00:02:42,260
I'm replacing him
on the show.
67
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,360
What happened to Charlie?
68
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,820
We like Charlie.
69
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,660
Charlie's easy
to deal with.
70
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,760
Charlie likes
a nice steak dinner.
71
00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:53,350
Well, Charlie should
lay off the red meat,
72
00:02:53,450 --> 00:02:55,570
because Charlie went in
for a double bypass
this morning.
73
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:57,990
Okay, note to self,
74
00:02:58,090 --> 00:03:00,170
cancel Charlie's
cheese-of-the-month
Christmas gift.
75
00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:03,680
Anyway, I just wanted
to let you know.
76
00:03:03,780 --> 00:03:05,040
Hope it's not
a problem for ya.
77
00:03:05,140 --> 00:03:07,680
Oh, hey, it's not
a problem for me.
Why would it be?
78
00:03:07,780 --> 00:03:09,760
Alrighty then.
79
00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:12,400
One, two, three...
80
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,090
Hey, what are you, uh...
81
00:03:14,190 --> 00:03:16,290
What do you know about
superstores, anyway?
82
00:03:16,390 --> 00:03:17,850
You mean besides
what I learned
83
00:03:17,950 --> 00:03:19,930
during my four-part
series on them last week
84
00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:21,890
that you told me
you watched and loved?
85
00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:25,020
I taped them.
And I'm planning
on loving them.
86
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,260
Hello, Michael.
Ms. Schaeffer.
87
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,580
No. You can understand
if I don't feel comfortable
88
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,860
consorting with
my opponent?
89
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:36,130
I'm just kidding.
Just kidding. That's my
game face, you see.
90
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,790
Pretty good, huh? Huh?
91
00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:40,890
Want to see
the other side?
92
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,260
(WHISTLES)
93
00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,940
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
94
00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:57,130
Nikki Faber,
you want to talk
to me about something?
95
00:03:57,230 --> 00:03:59,810
You see? I didn't
have to say a word.
You knew.
96
00:03:59,910 --> 00:04:02,090
This is why I come to you.
You are so sensitive.
97
00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:03,970
Ah, yes, sensitive.
98
00:04:04,070 --> 00:04:06,820
That's hetero-speak for gay.
99
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,700
No. I'm just saying
you know how men think
100
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,260
because you are one,
but you also date men,
101
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,340
So you also understand
what a woman has to deal with.
102
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,170
Let's face it.
You're homosexual,
but you're bi-helpful.
103
00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:20,430
Fair enough.
What's your problem?
104
00:04:20,530 --> 00:04:21,790
He still hasn't called.
105
00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:23,310
Well, I'm sorry.
I really am.
106
00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:26,560
Nope. Nope.
I need more than that.
I need to know why.
107
00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:28,000
Okay, give me a minute.
108
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,280
Wait. I'm getting something...
109
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:31,880
I'm getting something.
110
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,040
Uh, he's walking
past a phone.
111
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,040
He... He stops!
He stops!
112
00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,290
He's dialing
your number.
113
00:04:37,390 --> 00:04:40,450
The phone should
be ringing
right about...
114
00:04:40,550 --> 00:04:41,970
Now!
115
00:04:42,070 --> 00:04:44,070
Oh, how cool
that would have been
if that had happened.
116
00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:47,740
Forget it.
117
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:49,840
Hey, come on.
Just trying to cheer
you up. Come here.
118
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,180
Poor Nikki.
119
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,900
Yeah. I wonder
120
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,710
if that guy has any idea
how much she likes him.
121
00:04:59,810 --> 00:05:02,210
Come on. How could
a guy not know when
a girl was into him?
122
00:05:03,610 --> 00:05:05,510
I really like
your sweater, James.
123
00:05:05,610 --> 00:05:07,610
Thanks.
124
00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:10,420
My old girlfriend
gave this to me.
125
00:05:11,140 --> 00:05:13,140
God, she was hot.
126
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,010
(COUGHING) Mike,
127
00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:22,410
my worst fear
has been confirmed.
128
00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:24,510
(CONTINUES COUGHING)
129
00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:29,700
Coughing in my face
was your worst fear?
130
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,860
No. That tickle
has blossomed into
full-blown influenza.
131
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,380
I got the shakes,
the chills...
132
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,860
Paul, you could
tell me you had
the boogie-woogie fever.
133
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,420
I'd still drag you
in there by your tongue.
134
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:39,750
I can't talk.
135
00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:42,910
I feel like somebody
stuck a hairdryer
in my mouth.
136
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:46,950
Go take care of yourself.
Drink a bottle of moisturizer
or something.
137
00:05:47,050 --> 00:05:49,070
It's just a daily briefing.
I think I can handle it.
138
00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:51,600
Oh, you're a very
kind and generous man.
139
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:55,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You go home. You count
that as a sick day.
140
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:57,100
Bless you, sir.
141
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:03,130
Good afternoon, class.
My name is Mr. Flaherty.
142
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:06,290
I'll be your substitute
press secretary
for the afternoon.
143
00:06:06,390 --> 00:06:08,690
Let's kick off
with some questions.
144
00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:10,050
Yes.
145
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:12,020
Mike, any truth
to the rumor
that the Mayor's office
146
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,980
is considering changing
city zoning laws
to bring in superstores?
147
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,700
No comment.
148
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,300
Meaning that you haven't
done anything, or you're
withholding information?
149
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,970
Surprisingly,
I have no comment
on my no comment.
150
00:06:25,570 --> 00:06:26,870
Okay, let's move on.
151
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,870
The City Hall Santa Claus
will be in the lobby
152
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:31,150
all this week between
the hours noon
and 3:00 p.m.
153
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:33,800
Between noon and 3:00.
Where do those hours
leave working mothers
154
00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:35,440
who want
to take their kids
to visit Santa?
155
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:38,140
You'll have to check
with Mrs. Claus
156
00:06:39,780 --> 00:06:41,360
regarding Santa's schedule.
157
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:44,210
We have him from
between noon and 3:00 p.m.
158
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:46,090
So, you're leaving them
no other option?
159
00:06:46,190 --> 00:06:49,710
Perhaps they can visit
one of the other
700,000 Santa Clauses
160
00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:54,420
in New York City.
We have him between
noon and 3:00.
161
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,520
Are there any other questions?
Please, someone else.
162
00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,900
Why don't you
just call him?
163
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,750
I can't.
I'm not a caller.
I'm a callee.
164
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:05,670
I go out on a date.
I come home.
165
00:07:05,770 --> 00:07:08,630
I listen to my messages.
It's a very nice life.
166
00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:10,990
But to be
a caller? No way!
167
00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:12,710
You make that first
phone call,
168
00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:14,440
it's all down hill
from there.
169
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:16,780
Next thing you know,
you got a thousand cats,
you're living in Brooklyn.
170
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,600
Can I borrow you
for a second?
171
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,600
If you want any more
superstore facts,
172
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:25,130
ask someone else,
because Super Carter
is super tired.
173
00:07:25,230 --> 00:07:27,650
I'm sorry about that.
No. Check that.
174
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:31,030
I'm super sorry
about that. It'll
just take a sec.
175
00:07:33,590 --> 00:07:35,380
Hey, Nikki,
you feeling
a little better?
176
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,560
Oh, yeah.
Carter's really
helping me out.
177
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,420
What is it
about men, James?
178
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,340
Uh, you're going to
have to be a little
more specific.
179
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,230
All right. Why is it
if a guy likes somebody,
180
00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:49,550
he can't just
pick up the phone,
call 'em, let 'em know?
181
00:07:49,650 --> 00:07:52,870
Hey, I like somebody,
I'd tell them I like
them right away.
182
00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:55,530
And if someone likes me,
I'd want to know
as soon as possible.
183
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,780
Some people
call that desperate.
184
00:07:59,220 --> 00:08:01,040
I prefer needy.
185
00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:03,800
You have no idea
how adorable
you are, do ya?
186
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,710
Why can't I find
a guy like you,
James, huh?
187
00:08:12,470 --> 00:08:14,470
Bye, Nikki.
188
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,260
Maybe...
Maybe I went
a little too far
189
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,060
with the whole
Santa Claus thing.
190
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,660
But I'm telling you,
when I saw you
come out there,
191
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,580
I felt like I was at
a shooting gallery.
192
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:30,470
Every time your little
duck head popped up
from behind that podium...
193
00:08:30,570 --> 00:08:32,930
Ooh! Ping! Ping!
Ping, ping, ping, ping!
194
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,230
God, it was fun!
195
00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,550
Oh, yeah,
it was a hoot.
196
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:39,720
You have any idea
how much damage
you've caused?
197
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:43,760
Thanks to you, Paul's pulling
the night shift next week
in a Santa suit.
198
00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:47,320
The only thing those kids
are going to get for Christmas
is a wet, hacking cough.
199
00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:49,850
Worst part is,
you're down there
doing all the shooting,
200
00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:51,290
and I'm up there
dodging the bullets.
201
00:08:51,390 --> 00:08:54,210
I wish, just once,
the shoe was on
the other foot.
202
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,010
I wish I got to ask
you the questions.
203
00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,250
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
204
00:08:57,350 --> 00:08:59,180
Uh, Mike, it's Randall.
205
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,500
(COUGHS) I've come downwith that thing Paul's got.
206
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,580
I'm too sick to dothat TV show. I'm sorry,
207
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,680
but you're going to haveto fill in for me.
208
00:09:12,570 --> 00:09:14,230
Okay.
209
00:09:14,330 --> 00:09:15,990
Now I wish I'd win
the lottery.
210
00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:17,310
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
211
00:09:17,410 --> 00:09:19,630
Huh. Nothing.
212
00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:23,280
Well, I'll just have to settle
for taking you down.
213
00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:25,380
Bring it on, lover.
214
00:09:31,390 --> 00:09:33,730
Carter, have a minute?
Something important's
going on.
215
00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:36,090
I know. Mike's
going to war.
216
00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:39,210
He's not going to
let us rest until we
get him 100% prepared.
217
00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:41,520
Yeah. You think
Nikki likes me?
218
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,340
Likes you as in
as a coworker,
or likes you or as in
219
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,480
"This is going to be
the longest
conversation of my life"?
220
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,310
Nicky said,
"Why can't I find
a guy like you, James?"
221
00:09:53,410 --> 00:09:55,870
And who's more like
James than James?
Oh, boy.
222
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,710
Here she comes.
If you hear anything,
let me know.
223
00:09:57,810 --> 00:09:59,670
Okay, James.
224
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:02,150
I'm telling you, Mike,
this is all the
information
225
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:03,920
we have on superstores.
226
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:07,620
Everything there is
to know is condensed
into this little, tiny...
227
00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:11,460
Ten thousand
pound book?
228
00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:14,290
Would you like
some help with that?
229
00:10:14,390 --> 00:10:15,690
No, no. My arms
are just tired.
230
00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:17,790
I worked out at
the gym this morning.
231
00:10:19,070 --> 00:10:20,730
You know what, Mike,
I could organize
all the facts
232
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:21,970
so that it's easier
for you to follow.
233
00:10:22,070 --> 00:10:24,660
See, I believe in
paying attention
to details.
234
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,940
Uh, whether
it's the exact
number of new jobs
235
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,460
that superstores generate
for the city, or, uh,
236
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,600
timing the perfect dinner,
so it coincides with sunset.
237
00:10:41,730 --> 00:10:43,730
Your shirt's
buttoned wrong.
238
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:47,500
Damn!
239
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:50,320
Mike, we've been at this
since 6:00 this morning.
240
00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:52,200
Maybe you've got
enough information.
241
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:54,320
That's impossible.
My mind is like
a machine,
242
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,410
and it can store
an endless supply of facts.
243
00:10:56,510 --> 00:10:58,050
I can spit 'em out
on demand.
244
00:10:58,150 --> 00:11:00,450
Stuart, your birthday
is May 24, 1964.
245
00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:02,210
Nikki, your mother's
maiden name
is Shaunessy.
246
00:11:02,310 --> 00:11:06,020
James, you had
an erotic dream
about Barbra Streisand.
247
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,120
Mike, that was our secret.
248
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,480
No, no. The secret
part was she was
dressed up as Yentl.
249
00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:20,030
Mike, I've looked over
Ashley's tapes,
250
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:21,870
and she doesn't have
a lot of weaknesses.
251
00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:24,110
However, I may have
found an Achilles' heel.
252
00:11:24,210 --> 00:11:26,070
For some reason
253
00:11:26,170 --> 00:11:28,500
she seems to care
deeply about you.
254
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:32,480
I'll give her
my hurt face.
255
00:11:32,580 --> 00:11:34,620
She always caves in when
I give her my hurt face.
256
00:11:37,910 --> 00:11:39,850
Exactly. And if you
get in any real trouble,
257
00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,970
may I suggest
leaning across the table,
258
00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:44,570
and discreetly threatening
to break up with her.
Hi, Ashley.
259
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,740
Hey. Look at this!
260
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,900
A binder full of data,
an overworked staff,
261
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,260
and a very tense
Deputy Mayor.
All for little me?
262
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,070
Well, Mr. Flaherty,
I do declare, this
war's already over.
263
00:11:58,170 --> 00:12:00,270
Oh, no, this war
hasn't even begun.
264
00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:02,970
See this book?
Ash, everything
in here
265
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:05,030
is in here.
266
00:12:05,130 --> 00:12:06,670
Well, good luck.
267
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:08,920
I just want to say
it's been nice knowing you.
268
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,960
You're an excellent dancer.
You make wonderful soups,
269
00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:14,160
and I really enjoyed that
weekend in Bucks County.
270
00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:16,720
I appreciate that, Mike,
and, uh, by the way,
271
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,080
we never went
to Bucks County.
272
00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:19,970
Sorry.
273
00:12:20,070 --> 00:12:22,070
Got a lot of stuff up here.
274
00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:28,290
Oh, sorry, sir.
I didn't think you
were coming in today.
275
00:12:28,390 --> 00:12:29,860
Shouldn't you be
at home resting?
276
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,980
Probably, but Helen
didn't want me
getting the help sick.
277
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,080
They're very
important to her.
278
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,140
I'm sure the help
appreciates it.
279
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,290
Probably be reflected
in your Christmas bonus.
280
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:45,230
You're preparing hard
for that debate
with Ashley, huh?
281
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,030
Oh, yes, sir.
We're going to
make us proud.
282
00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:48,470
I'm sure you will.
283
00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:50,980
Care to take a little walk
down memory lane
with me, Mike?
284
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:53,960
Uh... How...
285
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:56,000
How long a walk do you
think that'll be, sir?
286
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,100
'Cause I got this TV thing.
287
00:12:59,460 --> 00:13:01,470
Look at this here.
288
00:13:04,590 --> 00:13:06,590
That's me
in high school.
289
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,170
Prom night.
290
00:13:09,270 --> 00:13:11,270
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
291
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,980
College days, uh...
292
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,940
Oh, there's me and
my fraternity brothers
on luau night.
293
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,040
Nice grass skirt
there, sir.
294
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,510
Would you look at
where you're holding
that tiki torch?
295
00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:24,030
Yeah, yeah.
296
00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:26,430
You know, sir,
I probably should
just hang on to this
297
00:13:26,530 --> 00:13:28,530
until you retire
from politics.
298
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:31,830
There's a lot
of memories in
this thing, Mike.
299
00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:34,680
[whistles] Who's that?
300
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,360
That's Valerie Horn,
301
00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:38,800
the one that got away.
302
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,240
Old flame, huh, sir?
303
00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:42,890
She was the tennis coach
at my club the summer
304
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,570
that I graduated
from college.
305
00:13:44,670 --> 00:13:46,290
And, um...
306
00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:49,570
Well, when we met,
the attraction was instant.
307
00:13:49,670 --> 00:13:53,210
And by the third set,
we'd fallen in love.
308
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,300
Wow, that's a...
309
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,580
That's a beautiful
story, sir.
310
00:13:57,680 --> 00:14:00,860
Boy meets girl,
boy falls in love
with girl.
311
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,560
Deputy Mayor's late
for a television
appearance.
312
00:14:04,770 --> 00:14:07,990
Sadly, that's when
the competition kicked in.
313
00:14:08,090 --> 00:14:12,990
The friendly games
became more and more
hotly contested.
314
00:14:13,090 --> 00:14:18,200
At one point,
I tattooed her thigh
with an overhead that...
315
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,300
Pssh!
316
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:22,840
Did you at least
give her that little
317
00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,800
"It's all right" wave?
318
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:27,470
On match point,
I finished her off
with an ace.
319
00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:29,450
I was so happy
320
00:14:29,550 --> 00:14:31,490
I tossed my racket
up into the air,
321
00:14:31,590 --> 00:14:34,490
and as I was waiting
for it to come down,
322
00:14:34,590 --> 00:14:37,500
she walked off
the court and out
of my life forever.
323
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,680
You think the competition
drove you apart?
324
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,860
Yeah.
325
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,960
Yeah, I guess it did.
326
00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:48,790
But that was a long
time ago, Mike.
(CLEARS THROAT)
327
00:14:48,890 --> 00:14:50,830
Sir, uh, Valerie...
328
00:14:50,930 --> 00:14:52,930
Mmm-hmm?
329
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:54,550
Well, what's
she doing now?
330
00:14:54,650 --> 00:14:56,560
She went on to become
the most famous
331
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,700
lesbian tennis player
on the Eastern Seaboard.
332
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,000
Maybe he's right.
I never thought
333
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,520
that competition was
a problem between
Ashley and me,
334
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:08,770
but lately, it's been
spilling over so much
into our personal life.
335
00:15:08,870 --> 00:15:11,610
To an outsider, it probably
looks more like a contest
than a relationship.
336
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:14,510
But I could be overreacting.
I don't know.
What do you think?
337
00:15:16,070 --> 00:15:19,700
I'm sorry, Mike,
I can't hear a word
you're saying.
338
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,920
My ears are
packed with fluid.
339
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,260
Thanks for
the help, Paul!
340
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,370
(YELLS) What?
341
00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:36,130
I don't even think
James knows I exist.
342
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,720
Why don't you try
sitting next to him
and talking to him
343
00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:43,160
until he loses
the will to live?
344
00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:45,680
(CHUCKLES)
You're so silly.
345
00:15:45,780 --> 00:15:48,640
I just want to know
if you think that
I should tell him.
346
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,330
Yes!
347
00:15:50,430 --> 00:15:52,430
For God's sake,
please tell him now.
348
00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:57,630
I can't!
349
00:15:58,150 --> 00:16:00,160
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
where you rushing off to?
350
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,740
Mike's show comes on
in an hour.
351
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,620
That's not what
you're here to
talk about, is it?
352
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,660
No. No, no, no.
Big development.
353
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,340
Nikki asked me
to buy her a drink.
354
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:09,540
What do you think
I should get her?
355
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:11,750
I don't know.
How about a drink?
356
00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:13,270
That's the thing.
She said "surprise me."
357
00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:15,370
Serve it to her naked.
358
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:26,680
(CLEARS THROAT)
359
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:30,560
Well, I did it.
I'm a caller.
360
00:16:30,660 --> 00:16:32,730
There's no shame in that.
(CLEARS THROAT)
What happened?
361
00:16:32,830 --> 00:16:35,810
Got the machine.
Jeff, Amy, and the kids
aren't home right now.
362
00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:37,910
Please leave a message
after the beep.
363
00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:41,210
Well?
364
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:42,780
I think it's obvious.
365
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,200
Jeff and his sister
Amy run an orphanage.
366
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,920
James, whatever
you're getting me,
make it a double.
367
00:16:57,770 --> 00:17:00,150
Sounds like you're
getting an earful, buddy.
368
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,960
(COUGHS) You must
get this all day long.
369
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:05,160
Oh, yeah.
When I go home
to my girlfriend
370
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:06,400
and want to
talk about it,
371
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,000
it's the last thing
she wants to hear.
372
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:09,680
Mmm-hmm.
373
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,780
I think she's
leaving me.
374
00:17:14,030 --> 00:17:16,450
Listen to this.
375
00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:18,750
I come home,
and there's a guy
on the machine...
376
00:17:20,190 --> 00:17:21,610
Now, what is
even more galling
377
00:17:21,710 --> 00:17:23,740
is while the government
claims to be acting
378
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:24,900
in the best interests
of the people,
379
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,380
they completely
ignore the fact
380
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,060
that neighborhoods
and businesses
will be destroyed.
381
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,380
And that's just
irresponsible.
382
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,150
Strong words.
Counterpoint, Mr. Flaherty?
383
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:36,250
It's a complex issue.
384
00:17:37,130 --> 00:17:39,130
Reasonable people
are going to disagree.
385
00:17:41,650 --> 00:17:43,650
Scathing retort.
386
00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:46,840
Do you dare rebut,
Ms. Schaeffer?
387
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:49,560
Well, I'm sure
as Mr. Flaherty
is aware,
388
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:53,240
that a superstore
invasion will cause
a traffic nightmare,
389
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:56,010
pollute the air,
and decimate small
businesses,
390
00:17:56,110 --> 00:17:57,890
destroying
people's lives.
391
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:01,950
(CHUCKLES) If that doesn't
deserve a counterpoint,
I don't know what does.
392
00:18:03,990 --> 00:18:06,000
Mr. Flaherty? Well?
393
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,860
Owen, it's
a free country.
394
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,200
What am I going to do,
criticize her 'cause
she's got an opinion?
395
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,160
Well, that's, uh...
396
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,450
That's kind of what
we do on this show.
397
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:21,990
Um...
398
00:18:22,090 --> 00:18:26,190
Why don't we think
about that during this
commercial break?
399
00:18:26,290 --> 00:18:27,440
And clear.
400
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,820
Excuse me, I'm going
to go wake up the crew.
401
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:36,280
Well, hey. I think
it's going great.
What do you think?
402
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:38,130
Are you kidding?
I'm walking
all over you.
403
00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:40,770
This isn't a rehearsal.
The cameras are rolling.
404
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,530
Yeah, well, maybe
I decided it isn't healthy
405
00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:44,890
for us to be fighting
all the time.
406
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:47,330
It sounds to me like
you're just not prepared.
407
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:51,540
From 1974 to 1994,
the city lost 50,000 jobs
in retail employment,
408
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:53,420
while those
in the suburbs
gained 204,000.
409
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,580
Superstores will create
13,000 jobs and generate
410
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,820
more than $100 million
in excess tax revenue.
411
00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,930
But that's not the point.
412
00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:04,190
I need to know that
our relationship
can survive this.
413
00:19:04,290 --> 00:19:06,110
Honey, we always fight.
414
00:19:06,210 --> 00:19:08,760
Not like this,
not in public, you know?
415
00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:10,720
It's not like some
Boggle game at home,
416
00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,000
where sometimes I win
and sometimes you win.
417
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,000
Mike, you never win.
418
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:17,280
I just want to know
419
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:19,750
that you're not going
to end up a lesbian tennis
player in Rhode Island.
420
00:19:21,630 --> 00:19:24,530
Okay, Mike, I'm trying
to follow you here.
421
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:27,050
But all I can say is
that I love the way we are.
422
00:19:27,150 --> 00:19:29,290
I love that we don't
back down from each other.
423
00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:32,100
And I love being
with someone who
keeps me on my toes.
424
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,580
And I love that you're
not threatened
by a strong woman.
425
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,680
And I love that
you believe that.
426
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,900
So, what's the problem?
427
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,550
I don't know,
maybe there isn't one.
428
00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:42,310
You're telling me
it wouldn't bother you
429
00:19:42,410 --> 00:19:45,590
if I said your
pollution theory was
completely specious?
430
00:19:45,690 --> 00:19:47,390
Ooh, a $5 word!
431
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:50,270
Somebody has been thumbing
through their dictionary!
432
00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:53,880
It is going to be so much
sweeter beating you now that
you're going to be trying.
433
00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:56,600
Uh-huh, see?
Therein lies
your problem.
434
00:19:56,700 --> 00:20:00,240
Beating me
when I'm trying.
Can't be done.
435
00:20:00,340 --> 00:20:01,490
Wait a minute.
The other day,
when we were...
436
00:20:01,590 --> 00:20:03,410
I wasn't trying.
437
00:20:03,510 --> 00:20:04,610
What about when
we were skiing...
438
00:20:04,710 --> 00:20:06,710
I felt bad for you
and let you win.
439
00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:08,410
When that red light goes on,
440
00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:10,730
I'm going to knock that
smirk right off your face.
441
00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:14,600
Do you have any idea
how sexy you are
to me right now?
442
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:17,860
I want you so bad.
443
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:18,940
And we're back.
444
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,860
Oh! Um...
445
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,090
Okay. Are you
folks ready?
446
00:20:25,970 --> 00:20:27,710
See, that's whatI'm talking about.I'm talking about
447
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:30,750
huge plasticcontainers filledwith malted milk balls
448
00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:32,880
for, like, 99 cents.
449
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:34,120
Ugh!
450
00:20:34,220 --> 00:20:36,460
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe
through my nose.
451
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,200
Oh! My throat
is so sore,
452
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:41,300
I can barely breathe
through my mouth.
453
00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:43,690
(SNIFFLING)
454
00:20:43,790 --> 00:20:45,790
I'm sicker than you.
455
00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:50,050
Mike, I'm telling you
that my sinuses
456
00:20:50,150 --> 00:20:53,270
are so congested,
I feel like my head
is going to explode.
457
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,920
You're lucky.
458
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,980
If I had (SNORTS)
what you had,
459
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,080
I'd be snapping
my fingers with joy.
460
00:21:04,890 --> 00:21:08,270
But I have
what I have.
461
00:21:08,370 --> 00:21:10,930
So, my joints are
so swollen, I can't.
462
00:21:12,370 --> 00:21:15,540
Mike, let's call a truce.
I love you, honey.
463
00:21:16,580 --> 00:21:17,640
I love you too.
464
00:21:17,740 --> 00:21:19,560
Don't go kissing me.
465
00:21:19,660 --> 00:21:22,580
Why? Because I'm
sicker than you?
466
00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:25,470
(COUGHING)
467
00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:33,190
I win.
468
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:39,980
James?
469
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,080
Nikki?
470
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,280
James.
471
00:21:46,650 --> 00:21:48,650
Karen?
472
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,180
I am so sick
of straight people.
36690
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