All language subtitles for Spin City S01E11 Dog Day Afternoon_track6_[eng]

Good morning,
everyone.
ALL: Good morning.

I have some
very exciting news.

It's 9:05, and we already
have our first official
mistake of the day,

beating the old record
set by Paul Lassiter
by a full seven minutes.

I couldn't have done it
without my family.

Stuart, the mayor
was in his office
at 9:00 a.m.,

which is when he
should have been...

At the small business
owners breakfast.
So? Not my fault.

(CHUCKLES)
Did I schedule that
and forget to tell anyone?

We have a winner.
(STUART SIGHS).

I don't want to
hear any excuses.

You sure?
Because I've been
saving the doozie.

It starts out as an excuse,
but I end up blaming James.

Well, James, as it turns out,
has some problems of his own.

James, last night,
you had the mayor

tell the women's
coalition that
his main goal was...

To put more women
in managerial positions.

(IMITATES BUZZER)
Missionary positions.

I'm, I'm sorry, Mike.
My mind must have
been wandering.

Even when you daydream,
you're conservative.

And, Nikki,
mind sharing with us

what you budgeted for
the hot-lunch program
at P.S. 434?

Sure. 12...

million dollars.

No. No. No need
to apologize.

I've had lunch
in that cafeteria.

The service
is impeccable.

You must
try the duck.

And last but
not least, Carter.

Great. Never gotten
to be last but not least.

That's usually
my slot.

No matter how good it is
for community relations,

you have to promise me
that the mayor will
never, ever, ever again

sing at a gospel brunch.

People, I managed to catch
most of these mistakes,

and there's nothing
too crippling,

but you know what
surprises me the most?

Besides the fact that the man
who wrote Amazing Grace

hasn't hunted the mayor
down and killed him...

is that I'm not angry.

I'm not angry, 'cause
you're the best staff
I could ever ask for.

We've been working
14-hour days without a break
for almost a year now,

and that is simply
not the kind of schedule

that is conducive
to staying sharp,

so...

PAUL: Air hockey?

Cool!

MIKE: So when you get
a five-minute window,

just come in here,
unwind, relax,

play a few games,
it will help your work.

Great. I was afraid you
were going to give us
more vacation time.

Unless I can lie down
on this table

and have a big, muscular
German man give me
a full-body massage,

this ain't gonna
work for me.

(SPEAKS IN GERMAN)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

While I know
that Mayor Winston

is using this downward
trend in crime

as a feather
in his cap,

I'm sure we all agree
that the real credit

is due to my officers
out there walking the beat.

Okay. Uh, we just have time
for one more question.

Uh, Mr. Commissioner,

are you saying
the mayor's office

is overestimating its impact
on the decrease in crime?

Uh, look at that, sir.
We got to go. I'm sorry,
right this way, sir.

PAUL: There you go.
Thank you very much, sir.

Paul, you said
you had time for
one more question.

Yes, but just the question,
not the answer.

What was that
all about, Howard?

Huh? I mean, do you know
how much heat I take

in defending your budget
with the city council?

I mean, if it
was up to them,

the police force would be
you and eight guys in a cab

going to and from
the crime scenes.

Maybe I'd be
better-served with a

police commissioner
who understood that.

Worth thinking about.

You know what,
Flaherty.

I wouldn't mind him
taking the credit

if I thought
he really respected
what we do out there.

Hell, he's the mayor.
I'm sure he can fake it.

With all due
respect, sir,

just a few rules
if you want
to be successful

in city politics.

Uh, one, don't shake
hands during
cold-and-flu season.

Uh, two, never kiss a baby
unless you're absolutely
sure it's a baby.

And three, don't go
in that room

and embarrass my guy
in front of the press,
all right?

You know, the, the mayor tips
his hat to law enforcement
every chance he gets.

You know that.
Talk is cheap.

Couldn't even
make an appearance
at the policemen's ball.

Okay, okay, there you go, sir.
See, that was my fault.

Uh, uh, we had your event
on the schedule,

but there were two parades
that day and an Italian-
American festival,

and the mayor simply got
caught up in an important
business lunch

with some
Italian-American businessmen.

Yeah. I saw him
on the six o'clock news.

in a cannoli-eating contest.

(STUTTERING) What do you
want him to do?
Just give his title away?

So, you've really
never played?

Doesn't really seem
like a lot to pick up.
Let's go.

No. It's too unfair.

You have no chance
against my expertise.

I would have
to teach you

to isolate your
opponent's weaknesses,
then capitalize on them,

never paying heed
as they beg for mercy,

and to be relentless
till victory was yours.

And you wonder why no one
will go out with you twice.

You see, grasshopper...

one must understand
the rhythms of the game...

(YELLS)

...in order to
truly master it.

Ebb and flow.
Yin and yang.

Are you prepared
to do battle?

(SARCASTICALLY)
No. I want you
to talk some more.

Begin.

Yang that.

Stuart, here's the fax
you were waiting for

and a message
from Roberta
in payroll.

Oh, and I almost forgot.

I also have your pride,
self-respect, and what's
left of your manhood.

You should
get that back.

Might need that
someday.

Hey, did anybody
read this?
Bingo died.

Oh, who's Bingo?

Only the most-decorated
police dog in
the city's history.

Oh, yeah, right. He pulled
that drowning kid
out of the reservoir.

And didn't he sniff out
ten kilos of cocaine
at La Guardia?

Yeah. Poor little guy
didn't sleep for weeks
after that.

Look at this.
They note his passing
on page 39.

I mean, that's just...

that's a total
lack of respect.

I mean, that's,
that's like
Marmaduke country.

I assume you all know
what I'm thinking.

That no matter how
desperate we ever get,

we will never use
the death of an animal
for our own benefit?

No.

In fact, we're going to
have a very public show
of support for Bingo.

And, yes,
it is gonna help us.

Stuart, are you
with me on this?

I want to be,
But a dead dog?
That's bad vodou.

James, I need you
to whip up a eulogy

for the mayor
to give at the funeral.

Mike. Mike, I can't just
whip up a eulogy.

I mean, you're asking
for a meaningful
summation of an entire life.

Did he have friends?
What were his hobbies?

Well, man was
his best friend.

And as far
as hobbies go,

I'd have to say
uh, digging holes

and, uh,
licking himself.

He was a dog, James.

Carter, go pick up
the beloved late pooch.

Ah, transporting
dead animals.

What a striking
coincidence.

See, I was offered
that job once,

but unfortunately
I'd already accepted
my position here.

Take Paul
with you.

What's all
the hubbub?

Bingo's dead.

Not true.

There's a great game
over at St. Marys
every Tuesday,

and I am
on a terrific
hot streak.

I'm sorry, Mike, but after
his behavior in the press
conference this morning,

I'm just not too eager
to put on a big show
for the commissioner.

Oh, don't think of it as
doing something for
the commissioner, sir.

You're doing it
for a brave, fallen
four-legged hero.

Oh, yes,
the dog.

You know,
I had a dog
when I was a boy.

What are
the odds
of that?

if I do make this eulogy,
maybe I should talk about him.

Who else...
Show people
my soft side.

I don't think that
could hurt, sir.

Sniffer!

Excuse me?

Sniffer.

That, that's what
I named the little guy.
Oh.

I'm sure you can guess
how I came up
with it, Mike.

Family name, sir?

210 West 71st,
please.

You know,
I've been allergic
to cats all my life,

but at the pet morgue,
nothing.

Turns out I'm not allergic
to dead cats.

Then you should
definitely get one.

Excuse me.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Interesting.

How come you pretended
not to see me,

but then you
pulled over
for him?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Here, does
this look familiar?
"Taxi! taxi!"

I didn't notice you.

You noticed him?

He has
a very big head.

You know,
you're very rude.

I think you owe
both of us
an apology.

For what?
I am doing my job.

Why can't you
just let me do my job
without pestering me?

Oh, all right.
Would you take 11th,
because it's faster.

I am not
a race car driver!

No. You're
a racist driver.

Oh, ho, good one.

That's it.
Both of you,
out of my cab.

You know, what? We don't want
to be in this cab, anyway.
Let's go, Paul.

All right, fine.
How much do we owe you?

Go! Let's go!
Get out! Get out
of the cab!

(ALL YELLING AT ONCE)

Okay, okay, okay.

Can we just wait
till we get off
of the bridge?

I just wanted you
to know how important
this is to us.

Bingo was the finest dog
ever to carry a shield.

Yeah, that reminds me, sir.
I've always wondered...

Chain around
his neck.

Bingo.

Please sit.

Uh, sir, listen,
I, I just wanted
you to know,

believe me
when I say this, uh,

that I want
this to be such
a fitting tribute

that I pulled
all my people off
their regular duties

so they can focus
100 percent on this.

That's game!

What most people
don't understand

is that these dogs
are not just animals,

they're our partners
out there.

Don't you worry
about a thing, sir.

We are going
to treat Bingo

with the dignity
and respect
that he deserves.

That's right, pal!
Get out of here!

Don't worry about it, Paul.
We'll get another cab.

I'm sure we will.
Do you think it will have
a dead dog in it, too?

Because he's got ours
in his trunk.

I'm going
to call Mike.

Here, let me do it.
You're just going
to blame me.

Paul, stop it.
We're two grown men.
I'm an adult.

Give me the phone!
Give me the phone!
Give it to me!

I'm going to make the call.
I'm going to make the call.
It's my call.

(PHONE BEEPS)

CARTER: (ON PHONE)
Mike, it's Carter.

Here's the situation.
Ow! Get off!

PAUL:
Mike, Paul here. Now, look,

we have very troubling news.
There's a slight logistics
problem with Bingo.

CARTER: Slight
logistics problem?

Mike, Paul lost
the dog.

PAUL: I knew you were
going to blame me.

Thank you.

Hi, Mom. It's me.
Quick question.

I heard a message
on Mike's machine

that would make
a great story,

but the only reason I heard it
is because I live with him.

Is it okay to use it?

Yeah, that's what
all my friends said.

Put dad on.

Bye, Mom.

Huh, that was quick.

Well, you know, it always is.
"How's the weather?
How's your health?

Stop wasting your time
with that Flaherty boy."

Well, you used to be
throwing your life away
with that Flaherty boy.

I think she's
coming around.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Paul! This better be
good news, Paul.

You better listen
to me, Paul.

You better find me
that damn dog,

or I'm going to come down
there, duct-tape a fur coat
to your ass

and shove you
in a little box!

The dog, Paul!
Find me the dog!

I want a... nice wreath, too.
Okay? Something decent.
Money's no object.

Thank you.

Can't skimp
on these things.

You're doing
it again.

Doing what?

Covering.
I am telling you,
it is too cute.

I, uh, I have
no idea what
you're talking about.

I, uh, have
nothing to hide.

Something
is bothering you.

Maybe it would just
make you feel better

just to, you know,
relax, let it out.

I'm just excited.
that's all.

I love funerals.

I really,
really do.

Bet you didn't know
I had a dark side, huh?

I believe I left
a package in one
of your cabs yesterday.

What was in it?

You're going to laugh.
it was a dead
German shepherd.

He hung up on me.

Mike, Mike, we're
making phone calls.
don't you worry.

(BOTH TALKING TOGETHER)

MIKE: Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.

It's okay.

I can see how
this could happen.

After all, there's
plenty of ways you
could lose a dog.

He could
wander off.

He could
chase a cat.

Of course, those
are generally things
a live dog would do.

Don't let Carter
blame it on me,

because he's the one
who got us kicked out
of the cab in the first place.

Paul, I'm not pointing
any fingers here,

but if you had
to hazard a guess,

whose fault would
you think it was?

Look, I'm not interested
in assigning blame here.

There will be plenty
of time for that
after the funeral,

which starts
in 20 minutes,

and for which
the guest of honor
is currently AWOL.

ASHLEY: Hi, Mike.

Hi, Ash.
Bye, Mike.

MIKE: Bye, Ash.

Communication is
the cornerstone
of our relationship.

So...

Too bad
about that dog.

What do you mean?

What could I mean?

I don't know.

Only one thing wrong
with the dog, he's dead.

Damn!

Yeah, I know
this sounds crazy,

but, see, I left a...

I left a suitcase
in one of your cabs.

Cherry with brass handles.

Ooh, damn!

You weren't exaggerating.
He's terrible.

You know what
the problem is?

I don't have
any motivation.

I'm a money player,
so what do you say
we bet?

You're a baby now.
I can't imagine

how bad it will be when
you're paying my rent.

NIKKI: I'll bet
20 bucks on her.

Oh, me, too.
I'm no dope.

Well, looks like it's
the men against the women.
James will cover their bets.

Ah, no, James won't.

James is betting
on Janelle.

James thinks Stuart's
a big bag of free money.

Well, fine.
Stuart will bet
60 bucks on himself.

Goal.

(CLINK)
Whoo!

It's got
to be frustrating.

Hold this. You know,
it's one thing to use
this to relax,

It's another thing
to constantly abuse
the privilege. Oh, hi, Mike.

Great, great.
you're all having fun,

but let's just review
what we know.

All right, Mike,
we're sorry.

No, no, please
indulge me. Okay?

We're missing a dog that could
make or break our relationship
with the police department.

But you know what?
you're right.

Go ahead, relax.
Have a good time.

Okay, quick one
to five.

That's it.
Playtime is over.

I don't care
how you do it.

I want that dog
or a damn fine
replacement, all right?

I want everybody
thinking about one thing
and one thing only,

B-I-N-G-O.

And the first person
who says "and Bingo
was his name-o"

is fired!

What on earth possessed you
to buy this?

Mike said he
wanted a wreath.
Nice, huh?

I think it's really
going to help.

We still don't have Bingo,
but I'm sure the bone wreath
will save the day.

Open the door,
I'm going to
set this up.

All right, we're
obviously not ready,

why can't we just
push this thing back
till tomorrow?

This isn't a wedding.
We can't exactly tell people
that Bingo got cold feet.

Well, actually...

Okay.

Not bad, huh?

I got him
at the pound.

Even Bingo's
mother would
have to look twice.

Mike, this dog
isn't exactly right.

Yeah, I know.
It's a slight different
coloration around the face,

but I think
we're going to get
away with it.

And you never noticed
any other problems?

Curve of the tail?
The thickness of the coat?

He's alive?

PAUL: Ashley's coming in.
Oh, look at the puppy.

Come here, puppy...

MIKE: Hi, Ash.

NIKKI: Hey, Ash.
STUART: How are you?.

I just wanted to pay
my respects now.

Don't want to tear up
in front of everyone.

I don't think it's
a good idea for you
to see him now,

cause you know how
emotional you get.

That's ridiculous.
Let me just take a look.

MIKE: Uh...

CARTER: What is it?
Have you lost weight?
You look fabulous.

Uh... I can't watch you
fall apart like this.

You're just crumbling
right in front of me.

Can you please
just escort her out?

Oh, absolutely.

I think this
is going to work.
All right, watch this.

Sit, sit, sit.
There you go.

Okay, lie down,
lie down.

All right,
play dead.

Look at that,
dead as a door-nail.

Mike, I'm sorry, it is over.
You got to go out there

and tell the Commissioner
we lost the dog.

If we're going to go down,
we're going to go down
in flames, all right.

Turn the lights down low.

We'll just move
everybody past real quick.

(BARKS)

Okay, that could
be a problem.

MIKE: I think we
should get going, sir.

I can't tell you
what this means to me,

to see my men here,
gathered to say good-bye.

I won't
forget this,
Randall.

It's the least
we could do.
Our condolences.

Nice work.

By the way, how'd you find
a vet that could tranquilize
him on short notice?

(WHISPERING) I got a guy
I use when I need
to keep things quiet.

Relax, it's perfectly safe.
It's the same stuff

you give your dog
when you put him
on the plane.

Who's that?
Who is that?

I think it's
Bingo's partner.

Oh, no.
Are you sure?

Uh, he's holding
a picture of them
together in uniform.

This is bad.

Oh, this is bad.

Turn around, turn
around. turn around
and go away.

MIKE: Turn around
and go away. Yes!

Yes!

I mean, aww.

Yes!

Mike, Mike,
it's over.

It's done.
we did it.

Just look at
my wreath.

stop with
the wreath already!

Ladies and gentlemen,
I want to express
my deepest sorrow.

Now, I didn't know
Bingo personally,

But I do know
from talking to all of you,
he was truly special.

Rest assured,
Bingo will not
be forgotten.

His voice
will be heard
in the echo

of dogs barks everywhere.

(BARKS)

Yes, woof.

It's a miracle.

He's alive!

Clap.
(EVERYONE CLAPPING)

Picked up
the new Beck CD.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, I thought maybe
we'd just, uh...

God, I hate this
damn shrink wrap.

...you know, open up
a bottle of wine,

relax, listen to
a little music tonight.

Ouch!

We can watch
a video.

Sorry, it's just
that I have had
a really bad day.

(SIGHS)

This is off. I mean, off,
off, off, off, off
the record, all right?

We lost Bingo.

I know, I know!
I heard it on
the machine,

and it drove me crazy
because it was right there
in front of me.

I can't believe you
didn't run with it.

I mean, that story,
it had everything, Mike.

The indignant
Police Commissioner,
the hapless Deputy Mayor,

the lost local hero.

Hapless?

It was
a bad choice
of words.

Look at us.

Back at it again.

Yep. Does it scare you?

No.

Cause I know
you love me,

you need me...

Mm-hmm.

You'd never ever,
ever, ever

run with
anything that
would cause me pain.

Don't press
your luck, mister.

Hey, so how is, how is
Bingo's partner doing?

I mean, I am telling you,
when that dog stood up,

he looked like it was
the Second Coming.

Mike, tell me
you told him.

WOMAN: Help! Help!

He just stole
my purse!

Go get him, Bingo!
Go get him! Go...

Bingo, what the hell's
the matter with you?

MIKE: And now we're gambling.
Well, that's special.

That's just what we need
in the City Hall,
isn't it, sir?

Uh-huh.

One more goal.

MIKE: No, now.
And rest assured this table
will be gone tomorrow.

MAYOR: Huh.

I can't believe
they were betting.

I-I'm embarrassed, sir.

Well, I might as well
put this table

in the rumpus room
of the mansion.

(STUTTERING) I was actually
kind of thinking

it would look good
in my office.

Best of three.

You got it, Your Honor.

Woof-woof, dog boy!