All language subtitles for Spin City S01E10 Dog Day Afternoon_track5_[eng]

(LASER GUNS SHOOTING)

That's right. Go ahead.

Play, recreate.
Just tell me
if I'm in your way.

Actually, Mike,
I could use a hostage.

We got two days
till Thanksgiving,
Mike.

Nobody gets any work
done in this city.

Oh, I see
what's going on.

You guys are staring
at a four-day weekend.

You're thinking,

Hey, four whole days.
Why not make it five?

So then
you're at five mentally,

you look around,
no one seems too ticked off,

so you think,
"Why not go for six?"
Am I right?

Basically. Yeah.

I know
how your minds work.

I was a low-level grunt
myself once.

Thank you, Mike.
Just knowing you care.

Look at this. I think
this is very revealing.

The youngest member
of our staff

Is the only one
who's doing any work.

Miss you, too,
honey.

Yeah. Gotta go.

I'm kissing you back.

I gotta go.
I really...

Yeah. Uh-huh.
Love you a lot.

Bye-bye.

Stuart, I really wish
you hadn't done that.

(GASPS MOCKINGLY)

You think
this is funny?

I've never told her
I loved her before.

Well, I got you
over that hump.

Stuart, she's my
high school girlfriend.

She's still back
in Wisconsin.

She thinks...
She thinks that...

She thinks we'll
talk about it later.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Please. Go on.
Go on.

This is, uh...

This is why I got
into politics.

Well, we've been dating
on and off forever, Mike.

I'm not even sure
what she wants from me.

To tell you the truth,
at this point I'm just
thinking...

Shh.
That was sarcasm.

It was.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

So how long have you
been going with this girl?

About seven years.

And you never told her
you loved her?

No.

I only talked with her
for 30 seconds,

and I told her
I loved her.

I know, Stuart,
but it's hard.

You know, I know
that I'm ready
to move on.

I just don't want to
hurt her feelings.

You know, James,
if I may,

you're just...
You're too nice
a guy.

Take it from
another nice guy.

You're only
hurting yourself.

No, no, no.

Why don't
you just tell her

she'll always have
a special place
in your heart,

but you're not
the one for her.

She should find
someone who loves her

the way she deserves
to be loved.

What am I,
some kind of savage?

All right.
You know what?
Get off my back.

I'm only repeating
what I heard last night.

Storm's coming, Mike.

Well, Lisa, Lisa.
Always nice to see

one of the city
council staffers.

It's a fine
November morning,
isn't it?

Cut the chitchat, Mike.
I'm here to talk about
Thanksgiving.

Okay. I'm surprised
you don't know this,

but our forefathers
came over on a big boat...

The contest,
Flaherty.

The Mayor's charity
Thanksgiving dinner

against
the City Council's.

You can't be serious.

Simple scoring system.

One man, one meal,
seconds don't count,

desserts are optional.

Whoever feeds
the most people wins.

I always enjoy our
little competitive
events.

I mean, the volleyball,
the touch football,

your personal favorite,
the Greco-Roman wrestling,

But I'm a little
uncomfortable
with the idea

betting on who can
feed the most
homeless people.

Why don't we
just line them up
and race them?

Come on, Flaherty.

We'll still
be doing good.

It's just an added perk
that I get to kick
your butt again.

I promise you,
it won't be as bad

as the time
I struck you out in
slow-pitch softball.

I hate when
you bring that up.

My mistake.

I should have realized
that when one is so
continuously beaten,

you lose the will
to even compete.

I tell you what.
I'll be in my office.

You give me a call
if you get the stones
to get in the game.

Ooh! What the hell
was that?

Did she just question
my stones?

I don't believe
that woman.

I think I'm in love.

You know, Mike,
I'm just glad

you didn't stoop
to her level.

This is about
feeding people in need,

not about who loses
and who wins.

Oh, we're going
to win, James.

We're going to win big.

Hey.
Hey.

I can't believe
I didn't get one of
these babies sooner.

It's the perfect
exercise companion for
the mayor on the go.

It's a pretty
small demographic,
don't you think, sir?

I can make
phone calls, watch TV,
read the newspaper.

Hey, watch me read,
Mike.

I'm walking and reading.
I'm walking and reading.

Whoa!
Bet you can't do this
in Central Park, huh?

What have you got
lined up for me on
the Thanksgiving front?

Uh, well, sir,
you have the photo op

in front of
Gracie Mansion
with the turkey.

I don't like to meet
my food before
I eat it, Mike.

Oh, no. This guy's
just for show, sir.

You won't be eating him.

You'll be eating
his brother.

You know,
I was thinking.

Since this is our first
Thanksgiving in office,

I'd like to do something
meaningful for the less
fortunate.

Well, we, uh...

We, uh...
We have that
little competition

with the City Council,
sir, the annual
charity dinner.

Oh, great.
Count me in.

What's the wager?

The same as always.
One of those paperweights...

New York skyline
in a bubble.

You shake it up
and it snows.

Well, when was
the last time the...

Why am I yelling?

When was the last time
the Mayor's office
got it?

Well, I did
a little research,
Your Honor.

It was, uh...
About 13 years ago.

We're in office
now, and I say
crush them, huh?

That's the spirit, sir.

Hey, look at you, sir.
You're walking
and dialing.

Walking and dialing.

Speaker Rosen, please.
Tell him it's the Mayor.

I bet Rosen doesn't do
45 minutes of cardio
every day.

He's shaped like
a giant pear,
big old blubbery...

Saul! It's Randall.

I'm calling about
the kids' little bakeoff.

What do you say you and I
make things a little
more interesting?

Now, we've got
two locations
lined up...

The St. Mary's church
on the Lower East Side

and St. Stephen's church
on the Upper West Side.

It's 1996, which is
an even-numbered year,

so the Mayor's office
has first pick.

Uh, great.
We'll, uh...

We'll take St. Mary's.

Then we've got
St. Stephen's.

Yes!

Yes. So we've got
Alphabet City,

we get
the East Village,

we get the Bowery,

and you have
the Lincoln Center crowd.

Maybe they'll drop by
after the opera.

Right. You've got
St. Mary's. Good.

So, now,
I've typed up a memo...

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait. Wait.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What's wrong
with St. Mary's?

Nothing.

All right.
I changed my mind.

I want St. Stephen's.

Fine. So, now,
as I was saying...

Actually, if it's all
the same to you,

I will keep
the Lower East Side
and St. Stephen's.

That's St. Mary's.

You bet it is.

Be my guest.

What aren't you
telling me?

Gave you my memo,
you're okay with
the Lower East Side,

everything is all set.

No, no. Wait. Wait.
Wait a minute.

I changed my mind.
I want St. Stephen's.

Whatever.

Did you just
trick me?

I don't know.
You tell me.

All right. Okay.
This isn't fair,
all right,

because... Because...
Because this isn't about
winning or losing.

This is about doing good.

This is about
helping people.

LISA: You just keep
telling yourself that,
Flaherty.

My boss assigned me
to City Hall
for two days.

And you know what?
There is nothing
going on.

Everybody is
walking around talking about
some charity dinner.

You know,
if I'm a viewer,

I want to see a story
on that charity dinner,

especially the handsome
young man who helped
organize it.

Mike, how many times
do I have to tell
you this?

Nobody
cares about you.

Thank you, honey.
That's comforting.

Except me.

Look, I don't think
you get this.

If I can get
one hot, edgy story,

I am in this slot
permanently.

You know, Janet,
she moved to Boston.

Wow, that's big.

Who's Janet?

You know Janet.
She's a reporter

who covers City Hall
for my station.

Tall, blond, great body.

Janet moved?

I... I... I mean,
you really think
she's got a good body?

I never noticed.

And in the
spirit of the season,

the Mayor's office
and the Speaker's office

will each be
sponsoring a free
Thanksgiving dinner

for members
of the community.

Donations
of canned goods
can be dropped off

at City Hall outside
the Mayor's office.

Or at Speaker
Rosen's office.

The Mayor's office,
of course,

is conveniently located
on the first floor.

We're also
on the first floor,
closer to the door.

Yeah. We're...
We're going to have

a man standing
on the steps outside

with a large
cardboard box. Yes?

What sort of a menu
will you be serving?

The Mayor's office
will be serving

the traditional
turkey dinner with
all the fixin's.

The Speaker's office
will be offering people

their choice of turkey,
ham, or sausage

with even more fixin's.

Yes, Ashley.

Do you have any
real news
for us today?

We're going to have
pumpkin pie.

Cobbler.
We're having cobbler.

All right, everybody.

Zero hour approaches.

Tomorrow we go out there,
and we feed a hungry city.

Whose pumpkin pie
is this?

Uh, that's mine.

That's a store-bought pie,
isn't it?

Anybody else here
buy their desserts?

Huh! I assumed
you made yours.

Yeah. The gay guy's
the only one who bakes.

I also knit those
little napkins,
you putz.

You guys want to win
this thing or not?

STUART: Yeah,
well, whatever.

I already told the Mayor
we were going to deliver
for him.

I even got him
to up the bet.

When the City Council loses,

they got to stand up
at the next council meeting

and sing
the song of our choice
from West Side Story.

(ALL CHUCKLE)

I hope it's
I Feel Pretty.

I love that song.

So they have to do this
at an official meeting

in front of the cameras
and everything?

Wait a second.
If we lose,

do we have to sing
a song, Mike?

No. No, no,
no, no, no.

Not from
West Side Story.

Nikki: oh, Mike!

I swear to god,
I'll kill myself
where I stand

if it's from Cats.

The Sound of Music.

STUART: Oh, God!

Why did you do this?

It wasn't bad enough
that we had to
buy them beer

after they beat us
in softball?

It wasn't that bad.

Forever!

We have to buy them
beer forever!

Just look at
you people.

It's like
you lost already.

Well, I, for one, am not
going to stand here

and listen to any
of this negative talk.

Not me.
Not this guy.

I'm going down
to that church,

I'm going to do
a little recon,

then I'm going
to get us ready

and lead us
down the path to victory!

Now, who's with me?

Who wants to skip out
a few hours of work?

Aren't you going
to go play spy
with the older boys?

Nope. I've got
to finish this
letter to Becky.

I think this
is it, though.

I'm just trying to
let her down gently.

James, you've
been seeing her
for seven years.

Gently is no longer
an option.

Yeah, but it's
not that serious.

James, what
do you mean?

She's probably
in Wisconsin
pining away,

thinking that you're
going to be the one.

I meant it's not
that serious for me.

I know you're trying
to be Mr. Nice guy,

but you're actually going
to make it much harder
for her in the long run.

You really don't
think the letter...

No. Any time over
three years requires
vocal contact.

Hello, is Becky
there, please?

Hello, James.

Wow, what a connection.

She's behind me,
isn't she?

Hi, Becky.

She tricked me!

I like it.

It screams
"witch's cottage
in the forest."

Oh, you should
have seen the kitchen
at St. Mary's.

Completely remodeled!
Spotless! You could eat
off the floor.

Paul! Paul!
Chrome fixtures...

Don't make me
come over there.

This is doable.

It depends on
what you want to do.

If you want to get tetanus,
it's definitely doable.

(CARTER COUGHING)

Mike, hi!

I see you've found
the "kitchen."

Oh, yeah, it was easy.

We just followed
the bread crumbs
through the forest.

I wasn't even
going to attempt
a church switch,

but all of the sudden
we were in your office,
and it was right there.

"I want St. Mary's!"
"I want St. Stephen's!"
"I want St. Mary's!"

What's a poor girl to do?

We knew it was
like this.

That's why we picked it.
We love this!

Yeah, right.

Just like you meant
to miss that last pitch
by about three feet.

I hate when
she brings that up!

I'm telling you, we had
great Thanksgivings
at my family.

It wasn't always
that way.

Believe it or not,
I actually came out
on Thanksgiving.

Oh, how'd you
pull that off?

Very subtle.

"Dad, great job
carving the turkey.

"I'm a homosexual."

Well, every year,
I go to my sister's
house,

hug her three
beautiful children,

then my family
gathers round,
ties me to a chair,

and pummels me with
questions about why
I'm not married yet.

Hey. Me, my mom, my dad,
three Hungry-Man dinners,
and a big box of wine.

First "I hate you"
comes out around 9:30.

Okay, guys.
Way I look at it,
you got two options.

So you can either go in here
and start working,

or you can stand out
here and start learning
the words to Edelweiss.

We would have gone in,
Mike, but we didn't want
to disturb the rats.

Apparently
they're decorating
for their Christmas party.

O ye of little faith.

Jeez! Mike,
what did you do?
Rob an appliance store?

Made a few calls.

Look, we have plates
and utensils over there,

and here we got every
cooking implement
known to man.

We got a spatula.

We got your, uh...
Your, uh...

Your squirty thing.

These are technical
terms, but I know
you'll catch on.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello.

Big Daddy to home base.
Big Daddy to home base.

Come in, Paul.

Big Daddy
does not copy.

Paul, I can hear
you perfectly.

Still not copying.

Paul...

(SOFTLY)
Come in, Big Daddy.

Roger, home base.

What's the situation
over there?

They're all set up here.
They've already
started cooking, okay?

I'll check in
again later.

Until then,
this is Big Daddy...
(MIKE DISCONNECTS)

All right, Lisa's
already started.
We got to get moving.

I got a refrigerated
truck out back.
I got 30 birds.

They're all gutless,
headless, and
happy to be here.

Now, I'll coordinate
everything.

I just need someone
to be in charge
of the cooking.

I'll do it.

Great. That's the
kind of enthusiasm
I'm looking for.

You like to cook?

No. But I do so love
being in charge.

Now, fetch me some
spices and some pans,

and, what the hell,
give me that squirty
thing.

You can't cook
at all, can you?

Not a lick.

I thought the subway
was nice,

and I really like
the soup kitchen,

but since I'm only
in town for two days,

maybe we could see
something else later.

I've got to be honest
with you, Becky.

There's really not
that much to see
in New York.

Listen, Becky...

Okay, this isn't easy
for me to say, but, uh...

You know, I'm so glad
I came to see you.

I've been really
depressed lately.

You remember my cat
Mr. Tuggles? He died.

He was my best friend
in the whole world.

I mean, besides you.

(GIGGLES)

That makes things
difficult.

My family totally
rallied around me,
though.

It was funny because
my mom gave me
a cat,

and my sister
gave me a cat.

It really
cheered me up.

Aw, that's great.

So what I was saying
to you is that...

Of course, they
didn't get along.

No, of course,
they didn't.

In fact, the cat
my sister gave me

actually killed the cat
my mom gave me.

You don't say.

Hey, wait, wait...
Is that right?

Are you actually
questioning my ability
to do simple arithmetic?

Why, it's just, uh...

I don't know.
That number seems
a little low.

Perhaps you're not
following my system.

You see,
whenever a person
walks through the door,

I put a mark on the board.

I respect your position
as our team's
impartial counter.

I took a pledge, Mike.

Yeah,
I appreciate that.

I was just thinking
maybe you could come
up with a more...

Effective system.

You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?

You realize the depths
you've sunken to?

I was here first.
No, I was!

Don't push me!
Will you shut up?

That's two.

I can't break up
with her. I mean,
what would I say?

Well, first off,
you should tell that girl

to think about getting
a dog next time.

James, you can't keep
stringing her along.

You've got to say something.

Say nothing.

Keep little
Miss In-love-with-you
on your back burner.

My back burner.

Yeah.

You see, the hot
stuff, the stuff
I pay attention to

I keep on my
front burners,

but I always have
a few lonely pots

simmering
in the back,

yearning for me,
yearning for me
to stir them.

That's beautiful,
Stuart.

Yeah, well, sometimes
a girl's just happy
to be on the stove.

Stuart, where's
my damn poultry?

It's still cooking,
not quite done yet.

We're running
out of time.

Turn the oven up.
We need more power.

(SCOTTISH ACCENT)
I'm giving it all
she's got, Captain!

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Come in,
talk to me,
Big Daddy.

Mike, they're
wrapping it up here.

I don't think they're
serving anymore.

Paul, are you eating?

No.

Why?

Just give me the final
number, all right?

They've had 247 very
satisfied customers.

Okay, they're at 247.

We have 245.

No! No, I will not lose
to this woman again,
do you hear me?

Thank you.

Look who I found, Mike,
some more hungry settlers.

Thanks,, sir.
That puts us over the top.

Great! Let's have at
that turkey.

Turkey! Uh, Carter,
how much time do we have?

Hold on,
uh, okay, okay...

Two minutes!

You've got
exactly two minutes.

Mike!

Mike, what are
you doing? It's
not ready yet.

That's all right.
I'll just, uh...

I'll check its vital signs.

Nope. Nothing.
This bird is dead.

Let's carve it up.

No, Mike,
the thingamajig hasn't
popped up yet.

Yep. Happy Thanksgiving.

Okay, what
would you like?

White meat or, uh...

Whiter meat?

For three unlucky men,
the Mayor's annual
Thanksgiving feast

turned into a nightmare.

Not only were they
treated to a free meal,

but also to a mild case
of food poisoning.

The culprit?
Undercooked turkey.

While no lasting harm
was done,

the memory of a hand
outstretched in kindness,
only to inflict pain,

will stay
with these gentlemen
for a long, long time.

This is Ashley Schaeffer,
Channel 10 News.

I'm back.

You're back. You're
back with your typical
liberal media bias.

245 satisfied diners
and you got to focus
on the three guys...

Who spent the night
in the hospital.

In private rooms!

Thank you, Paul.
In private rooms
on the city's tab.

Whatever helps you
sleep at night.

Okay, I'll see you
at home, and, um,
tell you what.

I'll cook tonight.

It's nice of you

to take the bus
back to Wisconsin
with me, James.

Oh, well, I really
wanted to see my folks.

Plus you shouldn't
travel alone.

I'm not.

Can you believe they
were giving away cats
at the bus station?

Oh, good luck,
little buddy.

So are we going to
have some time to
spend with one another

when we get home?

Okay. To tell you
the truth,

I really don't think
that would be a good idea.

You see, Becky, I, um...

I, um, oh, boy,
this is hard for me.

The truth is, Becky,
as much as I want to...

I... I don't think
we should see
each other anymore.

I just think it's best
that way for both of us.

(SOBBING)

DRIVER OVER PA:
Ladies and gentlemen,

we'll be pulling
into Wisconsin
in about 14 hours.

Okay, that probably
wasn't the best timing.

♪♪ So long, farewell,
auf wiedersehen, adieu

♪♪ Adieu

♪♪ Adieu, to yieu
and yieu and yieu ♪♪

(MUSIC PLAYS)

Are you enjoying
the performance,
Speaker Rosen?

I'm having a ball!

(MUSIC PLAYS)