All language subtitles for Spin City S01E05 The Great Pretender_track4_[eng]

Whoa.
Wrong apartment.

No.
I live here.

We're your
neighbors.
I'm Maria.

I'm Yale.
Apartment 2B.
Or not 2B.

That is the question.
Yeah, I get it.

That's...
That's funny.

"Whether 'tis
nobler in the mind

"to suffer
the slings
and arrows

"of outrageous
fortune, or..."
Ashley.

Hey, honey.
So, you... You met.

MIKE: We met, yeah.

Yeah, they live upstairs.
They're in 2B. Yeah, I know.

Or not 2B.
That is the question.

Yeah, I'll tell
her later.
She'll laugh.

Yeah, so anyway,
Yale and Maria,
they just stopped by,

because they have
these couple
extra tickets

to this documentary.

It's on the collapse
of the ecosystem
in Brazil.

And I told them
we probably
couldn't make it.

But they persisted
and persisted,

and persisted
until I finally agreed

that it would be
really fun
for the both of us,

so we're going.

(WHISPERING)
I'm sorry.

Plus, I speak
fluent Portuguese,

so it will be like
having your own
personal tour guide

right there along,
next to you.

Oh, Yale, buddy,
you don't even have
to sugarcoat it.

Because the ecosystem
is, like, right up there
for me.

But I work for
the Mayor's office,
unfortunately,

and we are right
in the middle
of a crisis.

What kind of crisis?

Crisis. Crisis,
just...

Where'd I put
that crisis?

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

STUART ON MACHINE:
Mike, Garfield is kicking
our butt all over TV again.

Thought you might be
interested. See ya.

Well, alas,
my hands are tied.

I must go,

so, uh... I'll just
take a rain check.

A rain check
on the rain forest.

I made a funny.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Welcome.

This is so exciting.

It's my first
Sunday emergency.

See you've paid
your final dues on
your geek membership.

Everybody here yet?
Not yet.

Well, that's cool.

All right,
what's going on?

I have one day
off a week,

I'd prefer not to
spend it at work.

Whoa. Whoa.
Heads up.

Nikki, is there
something you'd like
to share with us?

He's my sister's.

I don't have time
for a life of my own,

so I borrow one
on Sundays.

You were playing basketball?

No, I was bowling.

I looked like an idiot.

What I meant was...
What you meant was,

you're surprised
I play basketball

because I'm a gay man,
but, you see, Stuart,

I'm also a black man...

So, it's really just
a battle between your
archaic stereotypes.

Which one's winning?

Well, it looks like
everybody's here
except Paulie,

so no reason
we shouldn't start.

I am not just
the ex-mayor.

I am a New Yorker,
and I care deeply
about this city.

I just wish I was confident
that the current mayor
felt the same way.

Blah, blah, blah.
He's been going on like
that for over an hour.

(BABY-TALKING)
That's bad. Very bad.

Very, very, very,
very, very bad.

Okay, we got to do
something to quiet
Garfield down.

So anybody got
any ideas?

Everyone has
skeletons, Mike.

I could whip you up
a smear campaign.

Mmm-muah!

I love that
about you, Stuart.

We're going to
take the high road
on this one.

Oh, don't pout.

What do you think,
Nikki? What do we
know about this guy?

Mmm, huge ego.
Totally self-involved.

Likes to see his
name on things.

Okay. We'll
just give him
something, then.

So that's
your brand
of politics?

You're just
going to buy
his support?

Carter, in ancient
Rome, they would
call it an homage.

We'd give Garfield
a jug of wine,
a horse... A virgin.

Problem solved.

I can find him
two out of three
right here in this office.

Just got to slap
his name on something.

Nikki, that baby
got a name yet?

How about
a Garfield street?

Nah. Too expensive.

How about a lovable,
orange cartoon cat?

MIKE: You're not helping.

What about
a fountain?

James,
that's brilliant.

A fountain?
You sure?

'Cause I can have
pictures of him
with a hooker by 7:15.

A fountain it is.
Meeting adjourned.
Let's go get a beer.

Ah, get
a beer.

PAUL: Wait, wait,
wait, wait.

Where's everybody going?

Meeting's over,
Paulie.
You missed it.

No, I was on
the Throgs Neck Bridge
when I got your beep.

Over 20 miles.
I can't feel
my thighs.

Anyone want to
hold little Buckey?

(ALL NAY-ING)

I'm afraid
I might drop him.

What's going to
happen with you guys

when you have
your own kids?

I'm going to put
a little handle
on mine.

I'm kind of
looking forward
to being a father.

Really?
CARTER: Sure.

Find the right guy,
buy a house,
settle down.

Ah, that'd be nice.

I think we're looking
at five future
fathers of the year here.

NIKKI: Oh, yeah, right.

I bet you guys
couldn't take care
of a cocktail napkin.

What are you
talking about?

NIKKI: Let's try
an experiment.

I got 50 bucks
against 10 from
each of you,

that you each
can't take one
cocktail napkin,

bring it back to me
in 48 hours,

well-cared for,
nice and clean.

Give me that.
STUART: All right.

All right.

You got to name
them, so we know
whose is whose.

I'm calling
mine, Sheldon.

Apparently, Paul
wants his napkin
to get beat up a lot.

I'm naming
mine Stuart.

What if it's a girl?

It's a napkin,
and its name
is Stuart.

And last night,
it kicked
Sheldon's ass.

Okay. Me and Tucker

have the next round.

Five beers.

Wow. Thought
I'd find you here.

Hey, Ashley.

How was
the documentary?

I cannot believe
you bailed on me
like that.

I got to tell you,
it was an incredibly
difficult decision, honey,

but the ship was going
down, and I could
only save one of us.

Whatever happened
to women and
children first?

Well, there comes a time
in every man's life

when he's got to
slap on a dress and
jump in the lifeboat.

I just sat through
three hours

of black-and-white
footage of the
rain forest disappearing.

I mean,
I'm telling you
that by the end,

I was actually rooting
for the rain forest
to be gone faster.

They're not here now,
so the nightmare is over.

Uh, no, it's not.

See, the thing is,

they invited themselves over
for dinner, tomorrow night.

You're killing me.

All right, look.
We can get through this.
We can get through this.

It's just one night,

in, then we're out,
nobody gets hurt.

Okay.
Pick up.

Hey.

No! Stuart!

You're out!

He was so young.

I just wonder why
we're doing this
for him, Michael.

I mean, Garfield's
been slamming us
pretty hard lately.

I know. We're
just giving him
a fountain, sir.

I have such mixed
emotions about Garfield.

He's such a man
of the people,
larger than life, huh?

It's not jealousy.
I just wish
I had what he had.

You're the mayor
now, sir, and don't
forget that.

Yeah. I know that.

But still,
when he's around,

I can't help feeling
like I just disappear.

Good morning, Flaherty.
Where's that boss of yours?

Abe.
Randall.

You better
firm that baby
up a bit.

Yeah, look,
the reason that we
invited you down here...

Randall, open.
Yeah.

You keep that.

When you're out
with the people,

you need that
minty breath.

Yeah, anyway, we're aware
that you've been voicing
some concerns lately,

and, well, we thought
that we might...

Give me a fountain?
I know. I love it.

It's a good start.

Mr. Mayor.
Fong.

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)
Good to see you,
Mr. Mayor.

It's just Abe now.
You know that.

Not to me.
You'll always
be mayor to me.

Thank you,
my friend.

He's good.

You're better,
sir.

Amigo, que pasa?

Como esta
su novia carmela?

Oh, bien.
Gracias. Gracias.

De nada.
De nada.

Have a good one, Jesus.

(IN SPANISH ACCENT)
It's Jesus.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Jesus, sir.

Six months.
He could have
said something.

And so it ends
as it began,

with us cleaning
oil-soaked loons,

the littlest victims
of the Exxon Valdez.

Fascinating.
Fascinating stuff.

Can you believe
the time?
It's already 9:15.

Talk about burning
the candle, huh?

You know, we have
a whole bag of tapes.

I'm just going
to run to the
bathroom real quick,

you know,
just splash some
water on my face.

So we'll just
pop one in,
then, huh?

Oh, yeah.
You go ahead,
Yale.

Let's, uh...

Let's see if we can
actually make time stop.

Should we show the one
of our hunger strike

or the one where we
chained ourselves to
the redwood trees?

Ooh, I don't know.

Mike?

Oh, you know,
I'm not even
comfortable

making that decision.

Uh, why don't you
go ahead?

You just pick
whichever one

is, uh, shorter.

Honey, we've got to
get rid of them, okay?

You go out there.
You tell them I'm sick.

I'll stay in here,
and I'll make
vomiting noises.

I don't think
it's going to work.

I mean, they probably
have herbal remedies
with them.

I was actually with them
for the first couple of loons.

After that,
I got it, you know.

They're oily,
they're clean.

Have we not made it
clear to them that
we want them to leave?

Are you kidding me?
I have done everything but
rifle through their pockets,

looking for the three hours
of my life they stole.

All right. All right.
You know what?

We just got to
ride this thing out.

Ashley, I don't
want to alarm you...

So I'm not going
to overstate this.

These people are
out to destroy us.

I mean, look at them.
Look at them
watching our TV,

eating our food,
drinking our water.

If we don't snuff this out,
we might as well
give them the keys,

'cause it's not
our place, it's theirs.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(WHIMPERS)

YALE: I got it!

Oh, my God.
We're too late.

No, no, no.
We can do this,
together.

I love you, Ashley.

I'll never
leave your side.

All right.
Here we go.

That was
your editor.

He said it was
no big deal.

You could call back
whenever you want.

Oh, it sounds bad.
Got to go.

Oh, no.

So the actual fountain
will look just like this,
only much, much bigger.

Well,
on the plus side,

when the dedication's
over, he can just take
it home with him.

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

It is my pleasure
to introduce the
mayor of New York,

the honorable
Randall Winston,

and the formerly
honorable
Abe Garfield

who was...
Who was the mayor.

As mayor of this city,
it's my distinct pleasure

to officially pronounce this
the Abe Garfield fountain.

(APPLAUSE)

Mayor Winston,
what did you wish?

Uh, to be reelected.
What else?

Uh, Mayor Garfield,
what was your wish?

That New York
remain the greatest
city in the world,

that we set the standard
for culture and compassion,

for life and liberty,

not to mention,
the best pastrami
known to man.

(LAUGHTER)

Mike, can I have
another penny?

PAUL: Thank you
all very much.

Well, gentlemen,
that was quite
a moving ceremony,

to see two great leaders
of this city come together...

Did you really think
you could buy me off
with this birdbath?

That was
the plan. Yeah.

I've had martinis
bigger than this.

This is an insult.

You of all people
should know how
difficult this job is.

But no, no, no.
You play the critic.

You do the talk-show circuit.

Well, you know
what it does?

It just proves to me
that you're nothing

but a vain, petty,
self-centered...
(THUDS)

...egomaniacal...

Why are you
lying down?

MIKE: Somebody get
an ambulance!

It's so weird
to see the flag
at half-mast.

(CLICKS TONGUE)
I can't believe
he's gone.

Sir, we should
probably work up
some sort of statement.

I killed him, Mike.
I killed him dead.

Well, that's a good
starting point.

I think we should
probably soften it
a little.

The other day,

I watched Abe
walk these hallways,

patting strangers on the back,
speaking flawless Cantonese,

and you know
what I wished?

I wished that
he were gone,

I wished that
he weren't here.
(SIGHS)

It's not quite
the same as wishing
he were dead.

I wished that, too.

Oh, boy.

You know,
he gave me this

and a little
sage advice.

Garfield was
an older man.

He had a history
of heart problems.

No, no, Mike.
My words
cut him down.

And the guilt is so heavy.
It's so oppressing.

I need to atone.
I just need to
tell the world.

MIKE: All right, I know
you're hurting, sir.

What you want to do
is you want to take
all that hurt

and all that pain,
and all that confusion

and all those
overwhelming feelings,
and you want to just

bottle them right up.

Morning, sir.

Yes, I am, son.

The whole city is.

(SOFTLY) I'm sorry.

Okay.

How's he doing, Mike?

He blames himself.

Why, just because
he yelled at the old guy
till he dropped dead?

Let me make this
perfectly clear
for everybody.

What happened between
the mayor and Garfield
was not an argument.

It was merely
an animated discussion
that quite suddenly

became unanimated.

They had a candlelight vigil
at the fountain last night.

Hundreds showed up.

Of course, only
five people could fit
around it at one time.

They had the vigil
in shifts.

I think they're
still going.

This is a tough time.

A beloved man
has passed on
to his great reward,

and people are going
to be a little upset.

Garfield esta muerto!

Por que?

Por que?

Sheesh!

Let me just say
that Abe Garfield
was a good man,

and a good mayor,
and for this,
he will be missed.

He was a good friend.
We knew him well.

So today, our love
goes out to his wife,

our thoughts and prayers,
to his children.

Garfield didn't
have any children.

Then the thoughts
and prayers go
to the wife, too.

Will there be some
kind of memorial
service for Garfield?

Yes, yes.

The ex-mayor will be
honored and remembered for
his years of public service.

Now, will mayor Winston
be delivering a eulogy
at the memorial?

Yes and no.

Let me just
clarify that.

Yes, the mayor
will be speaking.

But then again,
maybe he won't.
Who knows?

Right now,
the only thing
that we can say

is that ex-mayor Garfield
is in fact still dead.

MIKE: (WHISPERING)
Think they heard us?

ASHLEY: (WHISPERING)
I don't know.
Take off your shoes.

Yeah. Good idea.

Oh, and while
we're at it,

why don't you
take off your clothes?

What?

I'd take off mine except
for the fact that we're
prisoners in our own home.

Can you please
try to focus on the
issue at hand here?

Hey, I'm not the one
who invited these two
circus freaks into our life.

Oh, so you're
saying it's my fault?

Yeah, I'm definitely
saying that.

You're just going to
wash your hands clean
of the whole situation?

You know, I'd love to,
but Yale's probably
in the damn bathroom!

(BOTH SHUSHING)

(SIGHS)

We have to
reclaim our lives.

Okay. Listen,

I have
some friends

with the
police department.

I can have him
arrested on trumped-up
drug charges.

It's too big.

Yeah. I think one
of us just needs
to talk to them.

They'd probably
only do five,
10 years.

You're right. You're
right. You're right.
I'll talk to them.

I mean, we're adults.

We shouldn't have to be
afraid of these people.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

MARIA: Mike?
Ashley? Hello.

(SOFTLY)
Don't move.

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

YALE: Come on.
We saw you
from the street.

What happened
to the speech
I had James write?

Oh, uh, yeah.

I had James make
one or two changes

just for
stylistic purposes.

Well, what happened
to the part about
the blood on my hands?

Sir, you can't
go up to that podium

and say that
you killed
Abe Garfield.

I mean,
I might be wrong,

but I think that could
hurt us in the polls.

This isn't about
politics, Mike.

This is about taking
responsibility.

(SIGHS)

It's about
being a man.

Oh!

Ow. That hurt.

Oh.

MAYOR: Abe Garfield
was a good man.

I must admit...

No, I must confess that...

I'm sorry.
I can't go on.

You okay, Paul?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just proud to
be working for a man

who's just not afraid
to show his feelings
to the world.

It will be okay, Paul.

You just need...

You just need to
give me 10 bucks.

What?

Your baby napkin.

Oh, sugar.

Well, Tucker went
through the wash.

Here's my 10 bucks.

We'll divert the rest
of his college fund

towards another
round of drinks.

Where's yours,
James?

Oh, my God,
where's my baby?

Where's my baby?
I had the baby
at the office.

I brought the baby
to the bar.

I put the baby
on the table.

Stuart asked me
if he could see
the baby.

(BLOWS NOSE)

Ten bucks.

I believe
(CLEARS THROAT)

you have something
that belongs to me.

Mmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Carter, I'm sure
you've heard it
1,000 times.

All the good ones
are either married
or...

I know. I know.

I made such a fool
out of myself.

No, sir. You thoroughly
honored Garfield's memory.

I was moved.

Everybody in
the whole park
was moved.

I mean,
you cried, sir.

(SIGHS)

That wasn't me,
Mike.

That was the
Binaca talking.

Garfield.

You know, strange,
isn't it?

How could I have
missed my mouth?

Happens to
a lot of people.

You know,
the little nozzle
gets bent.

But how incredible
was that timing, huh?

Pretty damn good.

There I was,
about to confess...

To something that
wasn't your fault.

And this
little canister
stopped me.

Do you believe
in signs, Mike?

Depends.

I think that
Garfield saved me
from myself.

Then, yes,
I definitely do
believe in signs.

We owe him one.

Mmm.

Open up, Abe.

Oh, my God.

MARIA: (ON TV)
This is the hunger strike.

You know something though...

I'm really starting
to enjoy this.

I can't understand
what you mean...
Shh!

This is my favorite part.

YALE: (ON TV) Oh...

Oh...

I'm so hungry.

Oh, Yale, that's great.

Popcorn?