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1
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,549
Hey, didn't I just pay bills last month?
2
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,488
Just the ones stamped "final notice."
3
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:32,893
This month we're doing the ones
personally delivered by the sheriff.
4
00:01:34,028 --> 00:01:36,730
- Where's your mother?
- She said she couldn't watch this.
5
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,032
It depresses her.
6
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:41,001
So she took your wallet,
and she went shopping.
7
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:45,272
But if that damn woman isn't here,
who am I supposed to yell at?
8
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:50,945
She left this. Go ahead, Dad.
9
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:59,286
Who could run up a $260 phone bill?
10
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,289
I'm sorry, Al.
11
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,962
I made a mistake.
It'll never happen again.
12
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:12,299
All right.
13
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:17,738
A hundred and sixty dollars
for a haircut and a manicure?
14
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,341
I can explain that one.
15
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,876
You better!
16
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:26,313
It was just a one-time thing,
and it'll never happen again.
17
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,183
All right.
18
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,822
Who spent $50 on a tape recorder?
19
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,058
Oh, Al, I'll never do that--
20
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,728
Hello?
21
00:02:40,895 --> 00:02:42,396
Oh, hi, Mom.
22
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:47,134
No, I'm just putting a tape together
for that idiot husband of mine.
23
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,704
Erase that, Kelly.
24
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,274
I will, Mom.
25
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,411
Don't forget, now.
26
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,046
I said I will.
27
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,782
What do I look like, an idiot?
28
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,354
Hey, I'm gonna do it.
29
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,161
Well, that's done.
30
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:18,165
Now, let's see what's left
to go into the old savings account.
31
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,768
Hey, a big nickel.
32
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,038
See, kids, one day,
all that will be yours.
33
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,040
I said one day!
34
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:32,546
Dad, I hate to be the fly
in your Preparation H, but...
35
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,049
...You missed a bill.
36
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:37,017
Daddy, you should do what Mom says:
37
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:40,621
Marry somebody who's got a job.
Didn't your mom ever tell you that?
38
00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:43,057
No, honey. My mom told me
to marry an anchor...
39
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,492
...And cling to it
as it sinks to the bottom.
40
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,496
Chicko's Storage?
What the hell is Chicko's Storage?
41
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:50,698
Our storage bin.
42
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,734
What the hell you mean?
Nobody told me about a storage bin.
43
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,270
What could we possibly
put in a storage bin?
44
00:03:57,504 --> 00:04:01,542
Thanks, Adolfo.
Just put the rest in the storage bin.
45
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,448
Hi, honey.
46
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,118
Hi, pookie.
47
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,887
What you got there?
48
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:16,991
It's a boar's head.
49
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:20,127
I know, but what do you have
behind your back?
50
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,769
No, I saw it, Daddy.
It is a boar's head.
51
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,605
Rest, honey.
52
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,575
Peg, why did you buy a boar's head?
53
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,778
Well, if you must know, it aroused me.
54
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:42,916
Glassy eyes, stuffing for brains,
nothing below the neck.
55
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:46,186
Nail it to a toilet bowl, it could be you.
56
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,323
No, it couldn't, 'cause unlike me...
57
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:53,127
...Someone loved him enough
to put a bullet in his head.
58
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,436
I can't live like this. I already
got a dog and three leeches.
59
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,471
What am I gonna do with a boar's head?
60
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,574
All right. Kids,
take that thing to the garage.
61
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:11,078
- All right. Let's go.
- No, no, no, no!
62
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:13,080
The boar's head.
63
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:16,550
You gotta be a little bit
more specific, Mom, because--
64
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,687
Yeah, I mean, usually when you say
"that thing," you mean Dad.
65
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,456
- I know.
- Peg, this has got to stop.
66
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:25,392
I'll do with that thing what I should've
done to you after the wedding:
67
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:29,196
Strap it to the hood of my car,
take it back to the woods.
68
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,900
You can't take it back.
I got it at a yard sale.
69
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:36,637
Peg, don't you know the things
you buy at a yard sale are just junk?
70
00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:38,238
No, they're not.
71
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,808
That's where I got your reading glasses...
72
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:46,947
...And the brake linings for your car
and antibiotics for the kids.
73
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:52,986
Besides, you buy a lot of worthless
junk too, like your bowling ball.
74
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:56,657
Peg, I go bowling.
You don't go boaring.
75
00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:01,161
Well, once every couple of months I do.
76
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:05,299
It's me!
77
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:09,136
See, Peg, this is why
I tell you lock the door.
78
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:12,806
Peggy, the most wonderful thing happened.
79
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,908
I have a date.
80
00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:18,412
Al! Marcie has a date!
81
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:22,549
Gee, they must be selling parkas
in hell right now.
82
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:26,887
Well, we can only hope
your dad can afford one.
83
00:06:27,121 --> 00:06:29,389
So, what's he like?
Is he tall? Is he rich?
84
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,425
Is he sighted?
85
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:38,065
Al, pick a hole in your head
and stick your finger in it.
86
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,767
Grownups are talking.
87
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:43,437
Peggy, my mistake
was looking for a man to love...
88
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,206
...When all I really needed
was a man to hurt.
89
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:50,711
- I think I found him. He's perfect.
- Are you gonna have sex with him?
90
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,847
Well, you heard her say
she wants to hurt him.
91
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:03,290
Anyway, this is not something
I'd admit in front of a man...
92
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,993
...But I'm a little nervous
about this sex thing.
93
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,096
It's been a long time.
Three months.
94
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,836
I could do three months
standing on my head.
95
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:20,374
I'm just so used to Steve.
It was his one strength.
96
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:23,143
Well, that and show tune trivia.
97
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,146
But what if this guy's no good at all?
98
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:29,016
Well, you've come to the right place.
99
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,520
I'll tell you, the most important
thing the first few times...
100
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:36,190
...Is to make them feel
they're doing a good job...
101
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,225
...Even when they're not.
102
00:07:38,392 --> 00:07:41,728
You know, I say things like,
"Oh, honey, I wasn't laughing at you.
103
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,331
I was just thinking of a joke."
104
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:50,704
Or, "You know, when it's the real thing,
it only has to take but a minute."
105
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:53,307
And you should always keep
a little cup of water...
106
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,376
...By the side of the bed,
sort of sprinkle your brow.
107
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:58,712
He'll really think you're into it.
108
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:02,649
I've gotten a few "suffer, baby's"
from Al with that one.
109
00:08:04,218 --> 00:08:06,553
Oh, and then...
110
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:12,559
...If you have a free hand,
which I always do...
111
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:16,129
...You wanna just sort of reach over
to the clock and move it forward.
112
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:19,433
It's a good confidence builder.
113
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:26,139
And always practice moaning
to cover up your yawns.
114
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,576
You know, I guess what I'm saying is...
115
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,446
...You've just gotta leave the man
with something.
116
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,749
Peg, you forgot
about your best secret move:
117
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,186
You know, spitting Cracker Jacks
while you shout instructions.
118
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,521
Oh, and the passionate:
119
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:45,592
"Remember, tomorrow's garbage day"
at just that right moment.
120
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,797
See, I can't speak for all men,
but that really turns me into a tiger.
121
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,335
Dad, there's no more room
left in the garage.
122
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,838
I had to take this out
to get the boar's head in.
123
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,840
Hey, look what else Mom bought.
124
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,676
A collection of Danish Dames magazines.
125
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,878
Hey, that's not mine.
126
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,753
How--? How the heck
did those get in there?
127
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,589
Damn vandals must have left them.
128
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:19,559
I'll make sure they're put
in the trash where they belong.
129
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,194
Idiot.
130
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,097
Peg, what's this?
131
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:27,567
That's an ashtray
that teaches you geography.
132
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:32,572
That way you can smoke and learn.
133
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:37,377
- What a find. Where'd you get it?
- Hampee's garage sale.
134
00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:40,280
How could I have missed it?
I was there when they opened.
135
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,416
- You see the three-legged chair?
- Got it.
136
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,951
Damn.
137
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:47,120
The only thing better than going
to a good garage sale...
138
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,388
...Is having your own.
139
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:52,025
- When I was a little girl--
- Oh, help me!
140
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,928
We'd have a garage sale every summer.
141
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:59,333
My mother would sell anything:
old lamp shades, record albums...
142
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:03,170
- ...The training bra off my back.
- What were you, about 25?
143
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:08,175
I was 13 and making more money than you.
144
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:14,181
Anyway, our garage sales
were always a big success.
145
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:16,183
We made $500 once.
146
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:19,619
My personal stuff was the biggest seller.
147
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:22,122
I guess when you see a little girl cry...
148
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:25,592
...As strangers pry her cherished
belongings out of her hands...
149
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:28,161
...People think they're getting
a real bargain.
150
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:31,098
Why, the big 50 cents
they got for my dog, Chester...
151
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:33,633
...Helped pay for that weekend
in the mountains...
152
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,669
...My parents took without me.
153
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:39,139
But I guess I would have been
a real downer, you know, screaming:
154
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:43,076
"Chester, Chester, please come home.
I can't live without you."
155
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,480
I don't think about it much...
156
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,450
...Except for the times
when I wake up screaming.
157
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,859
Five hundred dollars, you say?
158
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,563
Marcie just gave me a great idea.
159
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,133
Peg, scrape the dog doody off the grass.
160
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,802
The Bundys are having a yard sale.
161
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:24,718
{\an8}BUNDY BURGERS $5
162
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,722
Al, I can't believe you're doing this.
163
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,725
- You're selling my life's work.
- Not your whole life's work.
164
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:34,294
I'm keeping my knotted bowels.
165
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:38,265
- Dad, what's the price on this?
- Ten cents.
166
00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:41,468
- Winky? You can't sell Winky.
- Pookie, Winky's dead.
167
00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:43,503
Why would you buy a dead bird?
168
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,339
Well, they said he could speak
over 100 words.
169
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,708
Okay, make it a quarter, son.
170
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:52,979
- How much, Dad?
- Oh, no.
171
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,149
You can't sell this painting.
It's unique.
172
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:59,252
It's Paris Seen Through
the Eyes of a Dead Man.
173
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,789
Kids, tie your mommy up.
174
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:06,493
Al, I have spent ten years
amassing these treasures...
175
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:09,429
...From the four corners of the block.
How can you--?
176
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,164
How can you sell these things...
177
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:14,000
...When there's all that
useless stuff in the house?
178
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:17,003
You know, there's a vacuum and a stove...
179
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:20,107
...And your side of the bed,
your second pair of underwear--
180
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:22,375
Begone, woman.
181
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,312
You stink.
182
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,050
Kids, did you put the ad in the paper?
183
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,751
Signs around the neighborhood?
184
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:35,288
Thumbtacks in the street so cars
will get a flat in front of the house?
185
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:36,857
Yup.
186
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,962
We're open for business.
187
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:45,198
{\an8}Three Hours Later
188
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:51,838
Yep. Open for business.
189
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:54,608
Look, honey. A parrot!
190
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,444
Hi, pretty bird.
191
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,948
Take me home.
192
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:05,051
I wanna be part of your family.
193
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:09,156
I love you.
194
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,726
Excuse me.
Isn't that you talking?
195
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,661
How dare you come into my own yard...
196
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,964
...And accuse me of passing
myself off for a dead bird?
197
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,734
Look, we're sorry.
198
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,536
How much?
199
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:29,543
And I'll take this,
and this, and this. Oh, my.
200
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:33,213
What can I do for you?
201
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:37,017
- How much for this wagon wheel?
- Twenty-five cents.
202
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:39,319
That's ridiculous.
I'll give you 50 cents.
203
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:42,222
No, my daddy says 25.
204
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:46,593
Bud, you notice anything
unusual over there?
205
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,261
Which do you mean, Dad?
206
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,363
Mom dressed like an idiot...
207
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:53,667
...Or Kelly for the first time
using the word "no."
208
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,274
And I'd like this, and this, and this.
209
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,944
Dad, I got a live one here.
She'll buy anything.
210
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,579
Watch.
211
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:08,682
- Twenty dollars.
- I'll take it.
212
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,750
What an idiot.
213
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:15,188
Kelly, go change the newspaper
under the dead parrot's cage.
214
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,257
I'll handle this.
215
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,761
- Soak her, daddy.
- Winky's waiting, honey.
216
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,333
- Hello, Peg.
- Hi, Al--
217
00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:29,369
I mean, hello, mister.
218
00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:35,342
Peg...
219
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,210
...The cow bell.
220
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,482
You stink.
221
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:50,090
- Burger?
- Yeah, I'll have a couple.
222
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,031
Son...
223
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,901
...Have I told you not to marry?
224
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,904
- Yeah, Dad.
- Good. That's good.
225
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,476
Have I told you not to be a shoe salesman?
226
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,544
Yeah, Dad.
227
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,881
I guess I've told you
everything I know then.
228
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,953
Son, what do you wanna be
when you grow up?
229
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,989
- Well, I was--
- Yeah, I wanted to be a football player.
230
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,392
Now I just wanna be like him.
231
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:29,996
Sure, you have to eat a bowl
full of the private parts of horses...
232
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:32,599
...But then you go to the bathroom
on the lawn...
233
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,402
...And somebody says you did good.
234
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,806
That's all I wanted:
235
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,842
To lie in the sun, to run in the grass...
236
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:46,579
...To see a good-looking bitch
through a chain-link fence.
237
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,152
What's the use?
It'll never happen, so...
238
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:56,456
A dog is an animal
With big floppy ears
239
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,326
Oh, God.
240
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:04,597
- What's with Dad?
- He's having the dog dream again.
241
00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,735
Good boy.
242
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:13,239
You know, I can't understand
why we can't sell any of this junk.
243
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,376
Honey, see, lawn sales
are based on the Bigger Idiot theory.
244
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:19,746
Nothing's so dumb that some
bigger idiot won't come along and buy .
245
00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:24,884
But the flaw in that theory is that
eventually you get to the head idiot.
246
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:30,857
And you call her "Mom."
247
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,626
So, what do we do, Dad?
248
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:36,429
Give up and become
Sanford and Son?
249
00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,533
No. I'll think of something.
250
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,302
Remember the Bundy credo:
251
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:46,406
"A Bundy never wins,
but a Bundy never quits."
252
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,375
No, Dad. It's, "a Bundy never eats."
253
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,578
No, no, no.
It's, "a Bundy never learns."
254
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:55,415
- Wait, isn't it "a Bundy never dies?"
- No, "a Bundy never cares."
255
00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,785
Shut up, the two of you.
Shut up, the two of you.
256
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,987
Give me one minute to think about this...
257
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:04,457
...And I'll think of a brilliant way
to get us out of this.
258
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:08,361
Welcome to
BundyLand
259
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:15,502
Welcome to Bundyland,
the happiest place on earth!
260
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,472
- Having fun?
- This reeks.
261
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:23,076
Just pet the damn dog.
262
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:31,251
Bud, how we doing on the Wheel o' Fun?
263
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:34,988
{\an8}WHEEL -O- FUN 25¢ A RIDE
264
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,090
{\an8}Great, Dad.
265
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,195
{\an8}Hold on tight.
266
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,534
{\an8}ASK WINKY
267
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,569
{\an8}THE PSYCHIC DEAD BIRD
A QUESTION 25¢
268
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,739
{\an8}Why do men treat me like I'm stupid?
269
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,709
Beats the hell out of me.
270
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,479
They treat me that way too.
271
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,182
Maybe it's because we're blond.
272
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,819
Hey, P.T. Barnum.
273
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,922
So you didn't think
I could get a guy, huh?
274
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:15,161
Well, I did, and he can't wait
to get his hands on me.
275
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,996
But I made him stop here first...
276
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,499
...So you could see
what a real man looks like.
277
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:20,967
Check him out.
278
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:31,811
The best thing about him
is that he's a one-woman man.
279
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:34,214
Then that must be her now.
280
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,650
Roland, get back here.
281
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:41,187
When I buy a guy dinner,
I expect something for it.
282
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,963
Al...
283
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,464
...I'm so depressed.
284
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:55,368
Welcome to Bundyland,
the depressingest place on earth.
285
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,638
I was just over at the Friedmans'
garage sale down the block.
286
00:18:58,805 --> 00:18:59,973
Know what they're saying?
287
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,108
"Why does your husband go on living?"
288
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,478
No, no one knows I'm married.
289
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:12,085
They're saying that all my stuff,
my treasures are junk.
290
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,987
Peg, I've been telling you that.
291
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:18,057
Yeah, but these are strangers.
I care what they think.
292
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,427
Oh, Al, I've failed me.
293
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:26,933
As usual, I can see
that you're making it big.
294
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,602
All right, everybody, family meeting.
295
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:35,608
Kids, it is with a heavy heart
that I have to report...
296
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,244
...That Bundyland
is a complete and total failure.
297
00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:41,748
A first for anything named Bundy.
298
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:45,952
Gee, I wish it could be like
one of them big wanker hoedowns.
299
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,455
You know, where everybody
gathers around the still...
300
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,824
...And they play spin-the-cousin.
301
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:54,627
Now, here's what we're gonna do.
302
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,796
We're gonna take everything that's left--
303
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,264
That includes everything.
304
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:01,000
--And dump it in a stranger's yard.
305
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,670
What if someone sees us?
306
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:10,243
Mutter something in German.
Blame it on the Schultzes.
307
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:11,778
Right, Dad.
308
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:14,781
Now, Peg...
309
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:17,050
...Have you learned anything this time?
310
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,851
No.
311
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,987
Then I'll explain it to you.
312
00:20:21,154 --> 00:20:23,656
Peg, you have attended
your last garage sale.
313
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,225
See, pookie, we're broke,
and you're stupid...
314
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,729
...And the combination
just doesn't work out for the family.
315
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:33,833
Peg, don't you realize that we don't
need all this stuff to be miserable?
316
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,035
We've got each other.
317
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,907
Oh, Al, I know you're right.
318
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:44,510
I know I have to stop, but I can't.
319
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,746
It's like that stuff just beckons to me...
320
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,349
...And I feel like I have to buy.
321
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:53,419
And yet you never feel the need
to cook a meal or wash a sock.
322
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:56,589
Hey, what am I, sick?
323
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,492
All right, Peg, let's start clean.
324
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:03,329
Clean garage, clean yard, separate beds.
325
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,365
I know! We'll even start eating.
326
00:21:05,565 --> 00:21:10,403
Honey, I'm going to give you $10.
327
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,438
Now, I want you to buy...
328
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,741
...No animal heads or paintings...
329
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:18,444
...Or Hoss Cartwright ceramic memorial hats.
330
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:20,813
Just food.
331
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,282
Do you think you can do that, pookie?
332
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:26,185
I can do it, Al.
333
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:28,121
I've bought other things.
334
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:31,024
I can buy food!
335
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:40,400
Al, you're looking at a whole new Peggy!
336
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,937
Maybe this one won't be able
to find her way home.
337
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:50,276
Must buy food.
Must buy food.
338
00:21:50,443 --> 00:21:51,844
I must buy food.
339
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:53,479
I'm gonna buy food.
340
00:21:53,646 --> 00:21:57,283
I'm gonna buy food.
I'm gonna buy food.
341
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,889
{\an8}$5,000
ONLY $10 DOWN
342
00:22:03,056 --> 00:22:04,557
{\an8}Buy me.
343
00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:08,061
No.
344
00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:09,762
Buy me.
345
00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:12,865
I have to buy food!
346
00:22:16,769 --> 00:22:18,638
Buy me.
347
00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:22,041
Well...
348
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:24,210
...Okay.
26912
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