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1
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,143
What is it, Rinty?
2
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,146
You say the bad men are coming
from the southeast by boat?
3
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,915
And they're armed with knives?
4
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,652
They're armed with guns
and they're foreigners?
5
00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:25,920
Good boy.
6
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:29,423
Thanks to you,
the village will be saved.
7
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:32,426
We love you too, boy.
8
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,872
You know, I just realized that we've
got someone in this house that eats...
9
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:47,775
...Lies around all day
and does absolutely nothing.
10
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:51,178
Buck is cute.
11
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,314
I was talking about you, Peg.
12
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,852
But the dog's pretty useless too.
13
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,855
You know, something else
just dawned on me.
14
00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:04,124
That people can shower
during the week?
15
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:06,327
No, love of my life.
16
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:09,463
No, that there's no one in this
damn house does anything for me.
17
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,066
Now, I'm the breadwinner.
I deserve better treatment.
18
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,667
Hey, I know...
19
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,669
...The next time I come home
from work...
20
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,038
...I want someone
to bring me my slippers.
21
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,507
The question is who.
22
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:24,912
Actually, when it comes to your
slippers, the question is how.
23
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:31,685
As in, how can a man make his slippers
smell even worse than his feet?
24
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:35,856
Hey, I sweat the sweat
of the dead, Peg.
25
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:38,893
Anyhow, getting back to who's gonna
bring me my slippers...
26
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:41,295
You, well, I think you're untrainable.
27
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,733
Kids don't care if I live or die...
28
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:47,401
...So I guess that leaves Buck.
29
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:49,637
Maybe everybody can learn from him.
30
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,040
That is how we toilet-trained the kids.
31
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,477
Of course, Bud was five...
32
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:59,647
...Before he stopped getting excited
every time he saw a tree.
33
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:06,287
But that's what teachers
in kindergarten are for.
34
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,991
Now, Buck, you just saw Rin Tin Tin
save an entire nation.
35
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,294
Pretty inspiring, wasn't it?
36
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:17,231
The least you can do is lift your head
and look at me, you shiftless, lazy...
37
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,800
I can't believe it.
You must be the laziest dog...
38
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,869
Where does he learn this from?
39
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,140
Peg, get up!
40
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,809
Is dinner ready?
41
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,545
Buck, you're gonna learn
to get my slippers.
42
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,082
Now, I'm gonna pretend
that I just got home from work.
43
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,120
Oh, boy, I'm beat.
44
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:43,724
Just an average day.
Kelly failed another test.
45
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:47,461
Bud's dealing three-card monte
at the old folks' home.
46
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:50,397
Mommy's in Oprah coma.
47
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:54,401
Daddy just earned a cool 75 cents
slaving in the shoe mines.
48
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:58,272
Oh, boy, am I tired.
My tootsies are killing me.
49
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:02,643
Boy, would I like to have
some slippers to go on my feet.
50
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:11,485
Al, forget about the dog.
So you said you made 75 cents.
51
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,220
Oh, God.
52
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:15,823
Peg, I'm not giving up.
53
00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:18,626
See, the problem is
Buck doesn't know my slippers.
54
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,161
I'm gonna show them to him
and give him the scent.
55
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:25,733
Honey, the whole neighborhood
knows the smell of your feet.
56
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:30,804
Remember that incident with the
burning Air Wick on the front lawn?
57
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,406
Go ahead, yuk it up, Peg.
58
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:36,243
But as soon as Buck learns how to
make Tang, you're on the first bus.
59
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:43,017
Dad, why is Buck rubbing his nose
back and forth on the ground?
60
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:46,220
It's a sign of pride in male dogs.
61
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:49,857
How was school today, Bud?
Not that I care.
62
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:53,861
I'm glad that you asked that, Dad,
because I'm not all I can be.
63
00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:57,965
- You know what we need in this house?
- Poison gas coming through the vents?
64
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,835
He only thinks of himself.
What do we need, dear?
65
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,471
- A computer.
- Okay.
66
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,674
Al, write him a check.
67
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,609
Oh, yeah, sure. Hey, even better...
68
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,078
...Go to the vault where we keep
the gold bars...
69
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:13,247
...And chip off what you need.
70
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,983
Anybody wants me,
I'll be at the country club.
71
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,752
They're having the big
Al Bundy Golf Classic.
72
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,922
I'm hole nine.
73
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:23,791
Come on, Al.
74
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,727
Don't you want Bud to have
all the things you never had--
75
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:30,764
You know, an education, a good job,
a happy wife?
76
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,766
Come on, you can't tell me...
77
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:36,203
...That seeing me up to my armpits
in misery doesn't make you happy.
78
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,773
We're not getting a computer.
Computers are ruining the country.
79
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,842
Computers and women.
80
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,511
Yes, and they're quite similar, Al...
81
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,082
...Because you don't know how to
turn on either one.
82
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,721
I'm not interested in either one.
83
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,859
- Mom, can I have a computer?
- Of course you can, dear.
84
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,928
What color would you like?
85
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:04,031
I must be dead.
I speak, no one hears me.
86
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,600
Al, we have to get Bud a computer.
87
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:10,838
He has a chance to be the first Bundy
ever to go to college.
88
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,873
My Uncle Edwin went to college.
89
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:16,944
He was a cadaver
for the premed students.
90
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,481
And what about Kelly?
She could use one.
91
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,883
She might want to go to college,
you know.
92
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,152
Oh, God.
93
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:27,721
Remedial reading test tomorrow.
94
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:33,293
I mean, what do I care
if Jack and Jill fell down a hall?
95
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,699
I mean, why were they even
in the building?
96
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:44,938
Kelly, we're getting a computer.
97
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:48,509
- Oh, cool. What color?
- Well, I was thinking blue.
98
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,544
You know, we really need one too.
99
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,013
What do they do?
100
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:59,820
Al, do you know your dog
is burying himself in your back yard?
101
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:02,489
Well, I hope it's not the spot
by the hose...
102
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,758
...Because that little plot's for me.
103
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:07,594
Mr. and Mrs. Rhoades,
we're getting a computer.
104
00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:12,099
Oh, Steve, a computer.
105
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,068
I remember our first computer.
106
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:19,139
To buy it, we each decided
to give up something, to sacrifice...
107
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,742
...So that we could have
our little computer.
108
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:25,112
Steve gave up getting a new car
for another year, and I...
109
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:28,248
I gave up my class on napkin folding.
110
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,220
Steve just let me.
111
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:37,324
Now he's got a new Mercedes, and I'll
never know how to make a napkin hat.
112
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,193
Thanks, Steve.
113
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,996
But I'm working that out in therapy.
114
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:46,700
Meantime, you're getting a computer?
115
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:53,340
We don't need a computer, and I'll tell
you what would happen if we got one:
116
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:57,044
Just like when we had kids, everyone
"oohs" and "ahs" the first couple days.
117
00:07:57,211 --> 00:07:58,846
Then after the novelty wears off...
118
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:02,082
...It just sits there, collects dust,
and cries for food.
119
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,319
No, I'm telling you,
nobody needs kids.
120
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,255
No. I mean a computer.
121
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,160
I used to be like you, Al.
122
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,629
Well, not just like you.
123
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,866
I mean, I cared about
personal hygiene...
124
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,937
Had change for a dollar.
125
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,939
But I too doubted the computer.
126
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:29,243
No longer, Al. The computer
can be your friend.
127
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:31,979
Especially nights when your wife
isn't talking to you...
128
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,214
...Because she can't fold
a stinking napkin.
129
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:39,019
I need something on those nights
when my wife is talking to me.
130
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,389
Much like a family,
what will a computer do for me?
131
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:45,826
It could do all sorts of things,
like keeping up with sports scores.
132
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,394
Newspaper.
133
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,930
- Social events.
- TV Guide .
134
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:57,671
- Organizing recipes.
- Don't eat.
135
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:03,243
- Doctors' appointments.
- Don't care.
136
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:05,512
We're talking to the wrong person.
137
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,215
Peggy, a computer can be
a wonderful thing.
138
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,117
- I'm sold.
- No, really, it can--
139
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:12,886
I don't care, I'm sold.
Let's get one.
140
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,589
Hey, I make the decisions
around here.
141
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:16,857
I want a laser printer.
142
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:20,160
And I'm telling you that there
will not be any computers in this--
143
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,963
And I want my dinner.
144
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:25,299
And my slippers.
145
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:28,435
Because I'm the boss here.
Damn it!
146
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,473
At least there's one place that
I'm still the king.
147
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:48,355
Boy, what a hard day at work
I had today.
148
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,458
My feet are killing me.
149
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:55,462
Wish I had some nice slippers
to put them in.
150
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:04,805
Well, that's not quite it, Buck...
151
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,976
...But try to remember this for
when we go to the beach.
152
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,713
I don't think I'm explaining it
to you right.
153
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,781
Come on up here on the couch.
154
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:17,317
Good boy. Stay.
155
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,020
I'm gonna go show you
how it's done.
156
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:22,022
You stay there and be me.
157
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:24,725
I'll show you what a real dog's like.
158
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,561
Oh, look, my master's home.
159
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:31,031
Curse the luck that brought him
to that foul woman.
160
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,802
I'll bet he'd be much more comfortable
with his slippers.
161
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,405
I'll go get them for him.
162
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:48,015
See? See?
163
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:58,558
Mom, is this truly the end?
164
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:02,329
Because if it is,
I'm not walking him.
165
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,164
Don't worry, honey.
166
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,867
If Daddy the dog is anything like
Daddy the man...
167
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:11,905
...He'll put a newspaper under his paw
and lock himself in a tree for an hour.
168
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,210
Dad, wait till you see what we got.
169
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,980
Al, you're gonna be proud
of what I did.
170
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:21,815
I saved you $200.
171
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,784
- Thanks, Steve.
- Yep.
172
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,220
They wouldn't give anything off
on the $1200 model, so I said:
173
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:30,023
"No way, Jose. I am not leaving here
without a discount."
174
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,593
So I got them to give you
a $200 rebate...
175
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,363
...On this $2100 model.
176
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:43,070
Peg, you spent $1900?
177
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,772
No, I spent $2100.
178
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,908
Because with the $200
we saved you...
179
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,677
...I bought this dress.
180
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:54,047
So, actually, this dress was free.
181
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,083
And you got a $200 rebate.
182
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:06,326
Yeah, I guess that's what my horoscope
meant when it said, "Ka-boom!"
183
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,964
Al, what you're overlooking is
all the things this model can do.
184
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,600
This is a muscle machine.
185
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,001
It's fully loaded.
186
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,304
It has a 3600-baud modem...
187
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:19,873
...A VGA high-resolution
color monitor...
188
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:25,045
...A 40-megabyte hard disk,
and seven megabytes of RAM.
189
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:32,185
Steve, it's the you of computers.
190
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,822
You ain't just whistling IBM, baby.
191
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:40,193
Welcome to Tomorrowland, Al.
Where would you like it?
192
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:43,997
Put it over here in
It's a Broke World After All.
193
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,800
Oh, Al, just because we're flat broke...
194
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,002
...Doesn't mean we have to live
like animals.
195
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,939
Now, this machine is gonna wind up
saving us money in the long run.
196
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:56,977
How? Does it emit powerful,
life-draining radiation?
197
00:12:57,511 --> 00:13:00,881
Well, I don't know.
I don't even know how to use it.
198
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:05,051
I don't even know why we need it.
I just know I want it.
199
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,355
You know, like when we had the kids.
200
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:10,657
Let's set it up.
201
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,661
We can put it on the desk where Daddy
thinks he's hiding money from us.
202
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,930
Oh, no, let's put it on the coffee table.
203
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,798
We better dust it off, though.
204
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,567
We need something to wipe it with.
205
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,603
Bud, go get Daddy's good sweater.
206
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:27,274
You know, the one that his mother
knitted for him.
207
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:31,745
You're going to dust for the computer?
208
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,614
When was the last time you dusted
for me? Or cooked for me?
209
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:37,017
Or listened to one word I said?
210
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:42,422
Al, don't just sit there silently.
Say something about the computer.
211
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,158
Is my family lost to me?
212
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,794
Am I the forgotten Marx brother?
213
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,330
Am I Zeppo Bundy?
214
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:55,902
Finally, someone who knows who
the real master of this house is.
215
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,807
Hello, Al.
216
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:06,646
I cost you a lot of money, didn't I?
217
00:14:07,581 --> 00:14:10,383
And nobody's touched me, have they?
218
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,119
Well, looks like you were right again.
219
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:16,890
Just like you were about
your marriage, your kids, and your job.
220
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,694
Come on, smile for me, Al.
221
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:25,665
I'm not so bad.
Every family needs a computer.
222
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:30,937
Dad, I've got this book report
due in...
223
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:34,574
Oh, God, what do you call it?
The subject with the words?
224
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,810
- English?
- Yeah.
225
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:39,446
I've got this book report
for tomorrow on Moby Dick .
226
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:42,349
I've been reading for an hour
and got stumped on something.
227
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:44,384
- Could you help me?
- What?
228
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,120
Call who Ishmael?
229
00:14:49,823 --> 00:14:51,391
Ah, me.
230
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,660
We got a million-dollar computer
sitting here.
231
00:14:53,827 --> 00:14:55,662
Why don't you do your report on it?
232
00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:59,532
I tried. I turned it on
and I typed in "Ishmael."
233
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,334
Do you know what it said to me, Dad?
234
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,169
"Ishmael."
235
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,306
And even spelled it wrong.
236
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,608
And then it just sat there.
What am I gonna do?
237
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:12,379
Kelly, Daddy's a ticking time bomb
right now.
238
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,814
Ask your brother.
239
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:16,449
Hey there, lonely boy.
240
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,955
I've got this book report.
Do you know who Ishmael is?
241
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,891
- Moby Dick?
- Yeah, you know it?
242
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,460
The classic whaling tale
by Herman Melville.
243
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,430
I know just about everything.
What do you need to know?
244
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,532
What happens?
245
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,467
Let's see...
246
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,570
Ishmael and the whale
were actually good friends...
247
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:40,106
...And the whale would talk.
248
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:44,277
Oh, cool.
249
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:56,656
Yep. The whale would call him Wilbur.
250
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:02,529
- He called Ishmael "Wilbur"?
- Exactly.
251
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:04,764
Computer didn't know that.
252
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,840
And they sang
this classic whaling song:
253
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:17,277
A whale is a whale
Of course, of course
254
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:19,546
And no one has talked to a whale
Of course
255
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:23,917
Unless, of course, the whale, of course
Is the fabulous Mr. Dick
256
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:31,057
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You're going too fast, going too fast.
257
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,827
Oh, this is so good.
258
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,263
And I bet the whale wouldn't talk to
anyone but Wilbur, huh?
259
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,665
You hear that, Dad?
260
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:43,203
Make those college reservations now,
because this girl is going places.
261
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,777
Bud, I hope you realize,
when she grows up...
262
00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:53,580
...It's your responsibility
to take care of her.
263
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:58,351
Because when she's 21, high school
student or not, she's out of here.
264
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,388
Don't worry, Dad.
265
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:04,224
Bud, don't you wanna play
with the computer or something?
266
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,927
Why would I want to when I got
a blank screen like Kelly upstairs?
267
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,002
Al.
268
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,306
- Al.
- What?
269
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,575
You don't look comfortable, Al.
270
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,279
Why don't you get the dog
to bring you your slippers?
271
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:30,884
Buck.
272
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,353
Buck.
273
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,589
Boy, my tootsies are tired.
274
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,458
Buck.
275
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:41,795
Buck. The damn dog is untrainable.
276
00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:45,331
Good boy, Buck.
277
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:50,136
Take it upstairs. Good boy.
278
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,340
Close the door behind you.
279
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,812
He's a wonder dog.
280
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:02,115
- We've had this computer for--
- I know what you're gonna say:
281
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,950
That it's just a waste of money.
282
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:07,120
But I'm gonna use it right now.
283
00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:17,530
Oh, Al. It sets off the whole computer.
284
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,899
Okay, before I embark...
285
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:24,771
...On our 78-month, 25-percent-interest,
easy-payment plan...
286
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,907
...Do you think you could just
turn the damn thing on?
287
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:30,777
- Well, I don't know how.
- Well, where's the instructions?
288
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,580
Well, I told the kids
to pick them up off the floor.
289
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:36,983
They didn't, so to punish them,
I threw them away.
290
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,485
Peg...
291
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:42,555
...I'm going to say this simply
so we both can understand.
292
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,158
Now, this computer cost me a fortune.
293
00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,994
Now, I don't plan to watch our money
go down the drain...
294
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:52,599
...Like with the stove, the refrigerator,
and our marriage certificate.
295
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:55,201
Now, as I slowly sink
into bankruptcy...
296
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,870
...I want to have a memory.
297
00:18:57,036 --> 00:19:01,541
So I want you to do something,
anything with that computer.
298
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,847
There. You happy, Al?
299
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,916
Yeah. Couldn't be happier.
300
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:14,754
He doesn't mean it. A wife knows.
301
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:18,525
I may as well face it:
I didn't marry a happy man.
302
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:22,195
Yes, you did, Peg.
You just turned him into me.
303
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:27,901
He sells shoes, he's flat broke,
and it's me he's mad at.
304
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:32,572
Well, that's it. I'm not spending
any more money on Al's computer.
305
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:34,674
Let's go buy something for me.
306
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,844
I'll be right back, I'm just gonna get
the kids' piggy banks.
307
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,417
Marcie...
308
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:47,287
...We've been living next door
to each other how long now?
309
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:50,089
937 days.
310
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:52,525
Yeah, well, anyhow...
311
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,628
It's been a long time since I did
something nice for you...
312
00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:57,997
...So how about this:
313
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,134
Buy this computer off me,
get it the hell out of my house.
314
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:06,372
It's real nice. It's got RAMs and bytes
and it's got a hat rack...
315
00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:09,309
$2500 worth of stuff sitting there.
316
00:20:09,475 --> 00:20:11,210
Make me an offer.
317
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,179
Thirty dollars.
318
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,681
Thirty dollars?
319
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,984
I didn't say for my life,
I said for the computer.
320
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:20,520
It's only a week old
and it's never been touched.
321
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,255
Well, Al, to be honest...
322
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:25,625
...It's slow, it's underpowered,
it's obsolete.
323
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:29,262
Let's face it, it's the you of computers.
324
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:33,099
Personally, I wouldn't
fertilize a farm with it.
325
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,301
Okay, I'm ready to go.
326
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:38,838
I don't know how much I can buy,
but we can sure park till we drop.
327
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:42,609
You know what this computer needs?
Another hat.
328
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,283
Al.
329
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,353
- Al.
- Leave me alone!
330
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:57,190
Okay. I'll just sit here and run
your electricity bill through the roof.
331
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:59,092
That's about a quarter.
332
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,927
Thirty-seven cents.
333
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:05,598
Whoa! That's a power surge.
That's a buck.
334
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,600
Felt good, though.
335
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:10,536
Come on, Al. It's not just you.
336
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:13,740
Me and my kind are really of no use
to a regular family.
337
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:16,609
I'm the Pet Rock of the 80s, buddy.
338
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:18,978
Come back, Al.
339
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:21,581
I really can do great things.
Listen:
340
00:21:21,748 --> 00:21:23,883
Why did the shoe salesman
buy a computer?
341
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:27,620
Give up?
Because he's married to an idiot.
342
00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:34,861
Al, what are you doing?
343
00:21:35,028 --> 00:21:37,397
Peggy? Kids?
344
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:38,765
What am I worried about?
345
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,534
No one's stupid enough
to break a $2500--
346
00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:55,381
Now...
347
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:58,217
...Let's talk about those slippers.
348
00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:27,280
Now...
349
00:22:27,447 --> 00:22:29,849
...I am truly king.
27806
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