All language subtitles for Married With Children S03E13 Cant Dance Dont Ask Me MULTi 1080p AMZN WEB-DL H264-Mixio_track4_[eng]

"Cher to wed 21-year-old alien."

Well, good for her.

Hey, Peg. Oh, good,
I caught you on a break.

Listen, last night I saw a bright star
shining in the east. Peg...

...Did you do our laundry?

I had to. One of your shirts
reached out of the hamper...

...Grabbed me around the windpipe and
demanded to be taken to the airport.

Stupid shirt. If it was that easy,
I'd have been gone years ago.

Now, look, Peg. Two months ago,
I bought 20 pair of socks.

Now I got 20 swinging singles
with only one complete pair.

- Then wear them.
- I can't.

They're the socks I got married in.

The evil socks.

What are you doing with my socks, Peg?

I didn't wanna tell you
because I knew you'd get upset...

...But I traded your socks
and the family cow...

...For these magic beans.

Something's going on here, Peg.
Something dark, deep and sinister.

So I know a woman's behind it.

My friends say their socks
are disappearing too...

...And their wives claim
they don't know, either.

So level with me, Peg.

What is Oprah telling you to do
with our socks?

Or was it Geraldo?

Sell a shoe, Al.

Fine, but I'll be watching you.

Mom, Dad, big news at school today.

All the guys losing socks while the
girls in home ec giggle fiendishly?

Mom, big news at school today.

The tap-dancing club did
a recital in the ghetto.

Now, apparently all the gangs banded
together and attacked their bus.

They couldn't figure out why...

...But it seems someone spray-painted
a slogan on the bus that said:

"We may be nerds, but at least
we're not poor. Ha-ha."

That's terrible. Who would
do a mean thing like that?

I'll give you a hint.
She lives here...

...Has white hair, and misspelled "Ha-ha."

Oh, no, not what's-her-name.

- It's Kelly, Al.
- Yeah, that's the one.

Our spelling-bee winner
should be here any second.

Dad, please, go easy on her.

I'll get your belt.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Kelly. Anything interesting
happen at school today?

Oh, not to me.
Well, good night.

Kelly.

Oh, yeah.

There was this one thing, though.

There's this girl who looks just like me
who got into a peck of trouble today...

...So if the principal calls and...

Gee, Mom, you look fantastic.

Dad?

Doesn't Mom look fantastic?

Hey, what say we unplug the phones
and play Yahtzee?

Dad, I couldn't find your belt,
but I figure we tie her down with this--

- Hi, Kelly.
- You told, didn't you?

Just about the spray-painting...

...Not that you came in
at two a.m. last night.

You know you'll be punished, don't you?

Well, you'll have to take a number.

They're already punishing me at school.

Principal Wicker's been out to get me
ever since I stole her stupid husband.

I mean, some chalk.

- Well, what's she gonna do to you?
- I have to join the tap club.

With the nerds and the geeks?

Nerds, dips, feebs and geeks.

I either tap or I'm out of school.

- What would you do, Mom?
- I'd quit school.

Way to go, supermom.

I can't quit school.

I need school. It's like my office.

I check in, I get my messages,
I go to lunch...

...I close a couple of deals and I go home.

If I'm out on the streets,
I'm just another--

Flophouse toy?

No, girl-repellent.

I need school. I belong there.

It's where I'm cool and important.

It's where I can get a hot meal.

But if I tap, I'll be branded as an ortho.

Oh, God, my brain hurts.
Somebody help me.

Okay, look. Kelly, what you did was wrong.

It was funny, though.

But wrong. I guess.

Look, there's two things
that Bundys don't do.

We don't eat vegetables, and we don't tap.

So take one more tap class...

...And tomorrow I'll get up...

...Paint one of my ankles, go to work,
and then see your principal.

- Thanks, Daddy.
- Then I'll go to the airport...

...Then I'll go to Borneo...

...Where I'll be known as that
great white bwana with no socks.

Roll.

Fold. And flip.

See? It's easy.

Steve's mother used to
twist, twist and tuck.

Of course, Steve's mother is an idiot.

She sewed his name in his underwear
when we got married, you know.

Al's mother just threw up in the dip.

They can't let go, can they?

How come Al has so many socks?

Well, last night, after Al learned
that a man with 20 dollars...

...Is not a king in Borneo...

...He went out to buy socks at
Bob's Preowned Socks 'n' Stuff.

He is on this weird sock quest.

And he just won't believe
that I don't lose them on purpose.

Does Steve blame you
when his socks disappear?

Oh, Steve never loses a sock.

He pins them together before I wash them.

Another tip from Mommy.

Yeah, Al's mother had a tip for him too:

"Don't eat the dip tonight."

Well, I'm a dweeb.

Honey, what happened to your shoes?

Same thing that happens
to all nerds' possessions.

The cool kids stole them
and threw them down the sewer.

Then they said, "Gee, I wish Kelly
was here to see this girl crying."

Well, how was class?

Oh, it was keen, Mom.

They made me dance with Marty Newberger...

...The four-eyed saliva machine.

He wants to be friends.

Kelly's principal is making her
take tap-dancing.

Oh, how wonderful!

I took tap and cotillion when
I was growing up. Isn't it fun?

Fun? The whole class is geeks and dweebs.

Really? When I took tap, there were
no geeks or dweebs in my class.

Well, I'm gonna shuffle off,
shuffle off in front of a truck.

Daddy, did you talk to the principal?
Did you save my life and get me off?

Did Daddy ever let you down before?

Lots of times.

Then you won't be surprised
at what Daddy has to say.

I went into Mrs. Wicker's office
and had it out with her, man-to-man.

I forgot how much she hated me.
Peg, she remembered you too.

She called you The Big Easy.

Well, we get into it. I called her
Big Nose. She called me One Sock.

The upshot is I'm not allowed within
a hundred yards of the school...

- ...Until the night of your dance recital.
- I don't have to do one.

You do now.

Boy, I'm hungry.
What's in the fridge?

A milk carton with a tree
growing out of it.

Well, chop it down, cook it up.

Doesn't anybody care...

...That we seem to be
glossing over the end of my life?

Excuse me here, but there is
nothing wrong with tap.

I tap. Steve taps.

Sammy Davis Jr. taps.

And he is one hep black cat.

Tap is an art form.

Open yourself to tap,
you'll never look back.

Mom, while Mrs. Rhoades
finishes her geek attack...

...Let me explain this to you
so that you can understand.

There's this guy. He is a god.

The janitor at our school.

So obviously, all the girls want him.

Okay, I'm with you. I'm with you.

So I've been playing it cool.

A little smile, a little wink...

...A little "Hey, Bruno, look at this."

He's on the hook,
and I'm just about to land him.

But if he sees me wearing these
horseshoes...

...He's gonna go for some
other slut. Oh, Mom!

Honey, you may not believe this now...

...But there will be other janitors.

Not like this one.

I know, I know.

But, honey, we're not rich enough
to send you to private school...

...You're not smart enough
to get an equivalency diploma...

...And unless your father
comes up with a brilliant idea...

...I'm afraid you're gonna have to tap.

Ms. Music, cue it up, please.

Hey, "Anything Goes."
That's your song, isn't it, Kel?

Focus. Kelly, focus.
All right. Now, watch me.

And a five, six, seven, eight.

Hop, shuffle, step, flap, ball change.

Now you.

Nerd, geek, dweeb, dweeb, nerd, dork.

Good, good, you're starting to feel it.

Now with me. Ms. Music, hit it.

A five, six, seven, eight.

Al, look at our little girl.

We don't really have to
go to a recital, do we?

Peg, remember the Bundy credo:

When one Bundy is embarrassed, the
rest of us feel better about ourselves.

Well, we're gonna be feeling
mighty good come showtime.

Touch, hop, shuffle, step, shuffle, step,
shuffle, step, shuffle, ball change.

Bring it home, baby!
Bring it home!

And the big finish!

Oh, Steve!

Yeah, I know, I know.

Kelly?

Kelly!

Don't do that! You can have fun
in those shoes.

See, your problem is you're not
tuned into the true spirit of tap...

...And what tap can do for you.

Now, tap can be your friend,
you know, on those lonely nights...

...When the cool kids don't
invite you to their parties.

When everybody's out having fun,
but you're home studying...

...Trying to make something of yourself
so that someday you can own...

...The best car in the neighborhood.

On those mornings you look
in the mirror and see a guy...

...Who's pretty darn good-looking, but
shunned because of his intelligence.

But they'll be sorry someday...

...Because everybody needs a car
or a home loan...

...And that's when they come crawling
on their bellies to me.

So I guess "Steve, Steve,
the school's pet peeve"...

...Is worth something after all.

So crawl, crawl, you paupers,
and kiss my--

- What?
- Steve.

Anyhow, the point is, tap builds
character for people who need it.

I didn't. I was popular.

I played the accordion.

Al, we've gotta do something.
We cannot let her turn out like this.

If she doesn't tap, she's out of school.
Then she'll be home all day with you.

And hop, shuffle, step, flap, ball change.

Oh, very good. Very good.

Al, she dances like a horse.

That was fun, wasn't it?

My goodness, that Newberger boy
doesn't swallow at all, does he?

He gets some good distance too.

Al, maybe it's not too late
to get Kelly out of this.

Try saying something nice
to Principal Wicker.

You're looking less ugly tonight.

If your daughter isn't great, she's
out of here like spit through a trumpet.

There's no reaching her, Peg.

Oh, and by the way, a week ago
I had ten pairs of socks.

Now I have a red and a green one.

I know you're up to something.
All women are in it.

It's a signal, isn't it?

It means, "A year before we strike."

Al, you're just being paranoid.

I know Kelly's gonna
mix up my instructions.

She's gonna shuffle when she
should be balling. I just know it.

Hop, shuffle, death.
Hop, shuffle, fail.

Hop, shuffle, bus station.

Hi, Kel.

Gee, are your front teeth
starting to protrude?

Isn't that an early
warning sign of geekdom?

How come no date tonight, Bud?
Couldn't get the wig on Buck?

That's funny, Kel.

Hey, can you do me a favor?
Can you say:

Oh, God.
It's him. It's Bruno.

If he sees me I'm gonna die.

Hey, Bruno, look. It's Kelly.

Hi, Kelly. I didn't recognize you.
How come you look like a geek?

Well, it's Be Kind to Geek week,
so, you know.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, did you see Newberger out there?
Fizzing his way across the stage?

I wonder if he does lawns on the weekends.

Listen, you don't wanna watch these geeks.

Why don't you hit the parking lot...

...And pick out a car
we can take for a ride.

I'd love to, but, you know,
it's a parole violation.

I'll just hang with you,
and laugh at the nerds.

I'm laughing already.

Newberger's talking to somebody.

I'd better go use this mop
before they drown.

Coming!

Gee, Kel, what you gonna do now?

And now the Ganaywick sisters
will delight you...

...With their tap interpretation
of "Duelling Banjos."

I'm doomed.

Listen, Kel, if it makes you
feel any better...

...I find this very, very funny.

What am I doing?

I'm not a tap dancer.

Let's face it, they're gonna
throw me out of school no matter what.

One thing I've learned from being a
Bundy is if you're gonna lose, lose big.

That's what Dad does.

That's what I'm going to do.

What the hell.
I hate you, but you're my sister...

...So if you need help, you got it.

Hey, girlie.

How'd you like to keep your hair?

She's next, Bundy.

Come on, Wicker.

You're not really gonna make my
daughter go through with this, are you?

Think back to when you were a little girl.

Roaming the range
with the rest of the buffalo.

Scratching yourself up against a tree.

Trembling to the sound of the iron horse.

She dances or she's expelled.

No charming her, Peg.

Before our next act,
please, please remember...

...We need you to contribute to our fund
for a new tap-club bus.

And now I hope you'll welcome
our final act, Miss Kelly Bundy.

Where's the top hat?
Where's the cane?

She's not doing--
She's not doing what I told--

- Marcie?
- Take me, tap master.

Hey! Cut that out!

My little girl's up there.
She's liable to see you.

Peg, has everybody
lost their minds but us?

Well, we're done.

Where did everybody go?

Wasn't that nice?

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

She's our best student, you know.

She bit me on the neck, Peg.
Now I'll live forever.

Oh, no!

Kelly, help me! Please, please!

A Ganaywick sister has me!

Help!