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1
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,683
Yes, Christmas Eve is finally here...
2
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,252
...And so is the new Lakeside Mall.
3
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,422
Bring the little kiddies.
We've got six Santas. No waiting.
4
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,258
For you bigger kids,
come to the Red Nose Bar...
5
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:36,263
...And meet Santa's
very special reindeer, Donna.
6
00:01:36,831 --> 00:01:39,900
So come on down.
We're open till midnight. Singers?
7
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:53,214
Thanks for the help. If you don't know
what to get old Dad for Christmas...
8
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,450
...Don't worry about it.
You've already given it to him.
9
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,719
It's called a hernia.
10
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,256
Dad, can we go to that new Lakeside Mall?
11
00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:04,492
Kelly can shop, you can get bombed...
12
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,828
...And I can ride Santa's
very special reindeer.
13
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,533
Dad, why don't we get Bud a
scratching post to rub against?
14
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,236
You know, it'll save the furniture.
15
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,438
You want to save the furniture?
16
00:02:17,605 --> 00:02:20,708
Why don't you stop putting notches
on your bedposts?
17
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,677
Now, Bud, apologize to your sister.
18
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,814
- No.
- Okay.
19
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,584
So can we go to that new Lakeside Mall?
20
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,486
No, and I'll tell you why.
21
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,488
That mall is killing your father.
22
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,891
I thought Mom was doing that.
23
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:39,727
Let me tell you something
about Lakeside Mall.
24
00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:42,263
It's taken all the business from my mall.
25
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:47,234
If this continues, we'll be broke and
living in a cardboard box under the L.
26
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:50,271
Not us. We'll be in a nice warm
foster home.
27
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,773
- Come on. Let's go, Kel.
- Nobody move.
28
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,408
That mall's not so great.
29
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:57,311
Just stores selling
cheap, gaudy merchandise...
30
00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,981
...That only appeals to the tasteless,
low-class shopper.
31
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,690
God, I love that Lakeside Mall.
32
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,059
Al, give me some money.
I'm going back.
33
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,495
- Anyone want to come with me?
- I do. I do.
34
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,830
Peggy, I'm ashamed of you.
35
00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:18,966
I know, Al.
36
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:21,969
Don't you understand?
37
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:25,873
If people keep shopping there,
we'll be broke and living under the L.
38
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:29,476
Not me. I can always remarry.
39
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,446
- We'll be in a foster home.
- Let's go shopping.
40
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:38,018
Family, before you go, bring Dad
his shotgun and stand close together.
41
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:43,557
Come on. I only go to that mall because
it's closer and better than your mall.
42
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,927
I mean,
it's not like I was buying shoes there.
43
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,498
You should see it, honey.
44
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,935
For Christmas, they have elves
to help you with your packages...
45
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:58,372
...And a real reindeer for the kids to ride.
46
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,975
Although I think he may be dying.
47
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,611
- Well, then, let's hurry.
- Yeah, come on, Al.
48
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,580
Santa is parachuting
into the mall at 5:00.
49
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,616
- All right.
- Come on.
50
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,018
That's not what Christmas is about.
51
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:14,888
Christmas is about family and giving.
52
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:19,126
Okay, here's all the crap
my family gave us last year.
53
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:24,632
It's time for the traditional rewrapping
of this garbage for your family.
54
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:31,105
Well, all except Aunt Pooh's fruitcake.
Everyone in the family already got that.
55
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:33,574
Dad, you punted that around last year.
56
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,844
All right. We'll give it
to Steve and Marcy.
57
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:38,812
Has anyone picked out a tree?
58
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:42,082
The tree in the Ginty house
sure is pretty this year.
59
00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:45,719
- It's got lots of tinsel on it.
- That'll be our tree.
60
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:49,923
That's your job. He throws it out the
day after Christmas, so bring it home.
61
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,725
Right, Dad.
62
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,361
That about does it
for Christmas this year.
63
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,530
I'm tired.
64
00:04:57,498 --> 00:05:01,368
Aren't you forgetting something,
Greatest Daddy in the World?
65
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,370
Coolest Dad in the Universe.
66
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,006
You, who makes my life worth living.
67
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,542
You all want your presents, don't you?
68
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:11,679
No. We really love you.
69
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,450
Life stinks. Well, okay.
70
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:20,587
Let me go get my Christmas bonus,
and then I'll go buy your presents.
71
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:23,791
Dad, you didn't get our presents yet?
It's Christmas Eve.
72
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,492
The stores'll be packed.
73
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,529
Not in my mall, son.
74
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,467
Okay. He's gone.
75
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:34,935
Now for Daddy's present.
76
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:38,572
Bud, run upstairs and get a tie
out of Daddy's closet.
77
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,141
- I'll get a box.
- No, no, no. Wait.
78
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:44,678
It's Christmas.
We should make it special for him.
79
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,881
Bud, get one of his shirts too.
80
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:51,852
Gosh. I just love Christmas.
81
00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:58,025
I can't wait to see Daddy's face
when he opens it.
82
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:00,894
That's his favourite shirt.
83
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:04,765
Yeah, I saw a belt up there
that would be great for his birthday.
84
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:12,840
Hi. Do the Rhoades live here?
85
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,576
- Why?
- I have a delivery for them.
86
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:18,779
Why, yes. I'm Mrs. Rhoades.
87
00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:21,215
Thank you.
88
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,951
Gee. I don't have any change.
89
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:27,121
Bud, could you take care of that, please?
90
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,727
Thank you, dear.
91
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,996
Kids, look at what we got...
92
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:40,634
...From...The Schmidts from Philadelphia.
93
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,772
Hey, honey.
Look what we got from the Schmidts.
94
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,207
They're good people.
95
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:51,211
Dad, I don't see any presents.
96
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:54,748
He probably has them
in the car, stupid. Don't you, Dad?
97
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:59,553
You know how, when we didn't have
much, we could look at poor people...
98
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,723
...Who were less fortunate than us
and feel better.
99
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,092
Well, let's find a mirror.
100
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,830
Business was so bad, I didn't get
a Christmas bonus this year.
101
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,698
Al, no.
102
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:14,968
You mean we told you we loved you
for nothing?
103
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,105
So you're saying
there's no reason to live.
104
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,140
Yes, I am.
105
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:27,247
Dad...I'm not like the others.
I don't care if you have no money.
106
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:30,617
- You're still my father and I love you.
- Thanks, son.
107
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,287
You're really getting me
a present, right, Dad?
108
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,988
You're cutting out the women.
109
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:38,225
Good, because you should hear
how they talk about you.
110
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,628
Nobody gets a present, son.
111
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,097
Pretty low, Dad.
112
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,835
Al, Christmas without presents...
113
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,804
...Will be like our birthdays.
114
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,708
Happy birthday, hon.
115
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:58,579
I know what we can do.
Let's go down to the Lakeside Mall.
116
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:02,015
Santa's gonna drop gift certificates
as he jumps from the plane.
117
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,319
Let's trample the weak and get all we can.
118
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,722
Go to the mall that killed me.
119
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,169
Delivery from Santa for the Bundys.
120
00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:25,939
Gee. Well, thank you.
Good thing they're labelled.
121
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:30,043
I wouldn't want to get them mixed up
with the presents Al gave us.
122
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,379
What did Peggy get you, Al?
123
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,648
Irregularity.
124
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:37,751
And these two.
125
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:40,387
Al, have you been to the new mall?
It is packed.
126
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,190
Traffic is unbelievable.
Only eases near your mall.
127
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:46,293
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give me my present, Steve.
128
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,763
Al, we thought long and hard about this...
129
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:53,800
...And then we came up with
the perfect gift. Here.
130
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:58,071
We donated money to the
National Organization for Women.
131
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,173
Merry Christmas.
132
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:06,346
That's great. Do I get tickets
to their 10K man-stomp?
133
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:08,882
All right. It's our turn.
134
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,385
What do we get? What do we get?
135
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,422
A fruitcake.
136
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:18,091
With a footprint on it.
137
00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:21,228
Well, thank you.
138
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,064
Hey, do you mind if we turn on the news?
139
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,934
Maybe they'll show Santa
parachuting into the mall.
140
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:30,671
Come on. It's the news. There's
plenty of important stuff on there.
141
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:34,441
I'm sure they're gonna spend their time
to promote a mall.
142
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:38,645
Well, Connie, I'm here
at the jam-packed Lakeside Mall.
143
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,114
And if their low prices aren't enough...
144
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:45,986
...Santa, wearing high-top Reeboks,
available at Weejee's in the mall...
145
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,022
...Will be parachuting in any minute now.
146
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,459
And they wonder who'll fill
Cronkite's shoes.
147
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,696
There's the Piper Cub
coming out of the clouds now .
148
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:57,998
And Santa just made the jump.
149
00:09:58,165 --> 00:10:00,701
What a beautiful free fall.
150
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:05,305
Don't forget, he's coming with a sack of
gift certificates for the Lakeside Mall.
151
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:09,209
That's the Lakeside Mall,
where shopping isn't just fun...
152
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:12,245
- ...It's news.
- Come on.
153
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,648
Wow, look at him fly.
154
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,951
Why is he flapping his arms like that?
155
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:22,155
Santa's chute doesn't seem to be opening.
156
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,892
He's being blown off course.
157
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,761
Our cameras have lost him.
158
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:31,999
Ladies and gentlemen,
we don't know where he is.
159
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:53,020
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
160
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,122
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
161
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,724
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
162
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:05,899
Hey, Peg.
163
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,135
You know what we ought to do tonight?
164
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,370
We ought to make some Christmas cookies.
165
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:13,840
Yeah, and maybe some eggnog with nutmeg.
166
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,443
You ghouls.
167
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:20,981
Don't you understand? There's
a splattered Santa all over your yard.
168
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:25,452
What do you want me to do, Steve?
Quit eating?
169
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,189
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
170
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:33,860
Could you keep her quiet?
We're trying to have a Christmas here.
171
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,263
That about wraps it up out there.
172
00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:40,167
Except for a few questions for
the coroner's report, if you don't mind.
173
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,302
Did you know the deceased?
174
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:45,839
Well, you know,
I've read about him in books.
175
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:49,576
But in books, he's usually going up.
176
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,379
So that's a no.
177
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,314
Did anyone actually see him fall?
178
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,483
I wish.
179
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,589
You know, son, I don't want you
to get confused here, okay?
180
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:07,094
The real Santa would never jump out of
a plane holding two bottles of muscatel.
181
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:11,431
No, the real Santa, he's alive and well,
and he's living at the North Pole.
182
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,433
He'll visit your house real soon.
183
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,001
I'm sure he'll find it.
184
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,369
It shouldn't be too hard.
185
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:19,106
Just follow the buzzards.
186
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:28,014
Is that your shoe, Al?
187
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,050
Nope.
188
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:33,987
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
189
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,456
You know, Mr. Bundy, that's evidence.
190
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:40,060
What the hell. It's Christmas.
Let him keep it.
191
00:12:41,495 --> 00:12:43,063
Santa's gone.
192
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,966
I'll never be able
to enjoy Christmas again.
193
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,602
Well, you're in the right place.
194
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,138
Come on, Marcy. These things happen.
195
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:54,574
When has this happened?
196
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,943
Come on, Marcy. Cheer up.
197
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:01,314
It could've been worse.
He could've landed on the picket fence.
198
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:08,655
Calm down and have some Christmas pizza.
199
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,864
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
200
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:20,000
Merry Christmas, folks.
201
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,503
Yeah, yeah. God bless us, every one.
202
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:27,507
We want Santa!
203
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:34,981
What's wrong now? Did the Easter
Bunny hang himself in my front yard?
204
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,350
No. There's kids out there.
205
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:40,086
This may affect them badly,
this being Christmas...
206
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,856
...And Santa here
looking like tree sap and all.
207
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:47,060
We can't take him out there now.
Swing him back over that way.
208
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:53,633
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
209
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:57,370
It's okay, Marcy. Come on.
I'll take you home.
210
00:13:57,537 --> 00:14:02,909
Yes, home. Where Perry Como sings
and Santa's still alive.
211
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:07,214
Is Santa okay?
We heard he landed in your yard.
212
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,950
Yes. He's fine.
213
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:13,186
He's a fat, jolly man,
and he'll never leave us.
214
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,323
As long as there's a Christmas,
there will be...
215
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,293
Killers!
216
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:24,197
I'm gonna take Marcy upstairs
and lay her down.
217
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:28,134
- Put her on our bed.
- Steve, I'm afraid.
218
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:31,037
I'll lay down newspaper.
219
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:34,941
Hey, this bag o' Santa
is getting pretty heavy over here.
220
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:36,910
Just put him over by the presents.
221
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,679
There's plenty of room there.
222
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,482
No matter how many bodies I handle...
223
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:44,651
...Christmas corpses always depress me.
224
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:48,288
Well, that's it. Now, listen.
We're trying to have a holiday here.
225
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,725
So why don't you go, and take
the spirit of Christmas with you.
226
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:56,529
Hey, I'd love to, Mr. Grinch. But I'm not
taking him out with those kids there.
227
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,465
Al, get rid of those kids.
228
00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:01,968
If I knew how to do that,
we wouldn't have ours.
229
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,272
Okay, everybody.
230
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,440
Boys and girls...
231
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,676
...And you, Tony...
232
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,945
...Santa's okay.
233
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:15,448
Now, he just had a little bit
of Mrs. Bundy's cooking...
234
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:18,551
...And he's in the bathroom, bent over...
235
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,289
...But he's going to be fine.
So go home.
236
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,424
We want to see him.
237
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,393
No.
238
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,166
- I'm rolling him out right now.
- They're children.
239
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,535
This will grow them up.
240
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,771
Sorry. Can't let you do that.
241
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:42,108
For their mental health, that body's
not moving till those kids have left.
242
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:46,479
You know, pizza. It always
reminds me of my first day on the job.
243
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,587
Al, you know what you have to do.
244
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:59,426
We want Santa. Come on, Santa.
245
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,128
Ho, ho, ho.
246
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:06,399
- Hi, everybody.
- Yay, Santa.
247
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,834
Thank you. Thank you.
248
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,570
I'm fine. I landed on my belly.
249
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,238
Ho, ho, ho.
250
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:15,575
Merry Christmas, each and every one.
251
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,812
And remember,
I know when you've been sleeping.
252
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,314
I know when you're awake.
253
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:22,849
You, Joey...
254
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:27,020
I know it was you who lit that bag of
doody and put it on the Bundy porch.
255
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:30,190
So you're out of luck this Christmas.
256
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,426
But the rest of you will get plenty.
And remember...
257
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,695
...Santa's not at the Lakeside Mall.
258
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:38,531
Santa hates the Lakeside Mall.
259
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:41,234
Go on home now and torture your parents.
260
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:44,204
- Ho, ho, ho.
- But what did you bring us?
261
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:45,705
Noth--
262
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,141
Nothing yet.
263
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:53,179
That's why I got to get back to the
North Pole with Dancer and Prancer...
264
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,149
...And Donald and Goofy.
265
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,420
- But we haven't told you what we want.
- Santa knows.
266
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,689
Then what do I want?
267
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,592
I don't know. What do you want?
268
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:07,660
I want to sit on your lap.
269
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:09,729
All right, but make it fast.
270
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:12,332
Santa has haemorrhoids.
271
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,905
- What do you want?
- Why did you go to Bundy's house?
272
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:23,643
I came to bring him special presents
because he sells women's shoes...
273
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:27,614
...And is cursed with a foul wife
and has ungrateful kids...
274
00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:29,649
...But still, he goes on.
275
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,318
But he's a butthead.
276
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,357
No, he's not.
277
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,359
He's the nicest man on the block.
278
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:42,328
- Boy, you must be Santa.
- I told you I was.
279
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,231
- What do you want?
- I want a real live horse.
280
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:50,136
Your mom's the one who makes pies
for everyone in the neighbourhood...
281
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:53,206
...But those nice Bundys, isn't she?
282
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:57,477
All right. Santa will leave you
a horse tonight under your tree...
283
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,546
...But if it's gone in the morning...
284
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:03,583
...It's because your mommy
chased it away and killed it.
285
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,886
Next.
286
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,194
Don't jump on Santa's lap too hard.
287
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,930
Mrs. Claus won't like that.
288
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,801
No, no, Nestor.
Despite what your mom says...
289
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:25,939
...Mr. Bundy doesn't really
sprout a tail at midnight.
290
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:29,375
But here's a special
Christmas gift for Daddy.
291
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:33,613
Tell him to come home for lunch some
day around when Mr. Mailman's there...
292
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,316
...With a special delivery for Mommy.
293
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:39,819
That'll be a real yuletide treat
for old Dad.
294
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:42,555
But what do I get?
295
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,258
A new home and a fresh new mommy.
296
00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,193
Ho, ho, ho.
297
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,829
Well, old Santa's gotta hit the road.
298
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,833
But I'm gonna go in and say goodbye
to my favourite family, the Bundys.
299
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:58,805
Be nice to them, or you won't get
any Christmas gifts next year.
300
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:01,641
Santa smells like beer.
301
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:05,311
Catch me in five minutes,
I'll smell like hard liquor. Ho, ho, ho.
302
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,413
On, Dondi. On, Dumbo.
303
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,682
Hi-ho, Silver. Away.
304
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:13,019
Yay, Santa.
305
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,390
Well, they're gone.
306
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:20,226
All dead guys and non-relatives, out.
307
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:23,663
- So long, Kel.
- Like they really intended to have you.
308
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,966
Now, kids. We wanted both of you.
309
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,336
It was your father I didn't plan on.
310
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,539
I'm feeling a little better now.
311
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:35,408
Oh, no. He was better off dead.
312
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,777
Ho, ho, ho.
313
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,781
Great. It's probably an elf
with a knife in his back.
314
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:47,854
Hi. Is this the house
where the yuletide incident occurred?
315
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,557
- What's it to you?
- I'm from the Lakeside Mall.
316
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:54,627
I just wanted to apologize for any
inconvenience this has caused you.
317
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,796
No problem. No inconvenience.
318
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,566
You just took all my business,
cost me my bonus...
319
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:03,002
- ...Made my family hate me.
- That's right.
320
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:06,573
And on top of that, you slam-dunked
Santa into my back yard...
321
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:09,075
...And almost ruined Christmas for the kids.
322
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:12,612
- Almost?
- My husband dressed up as Santa...
323
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,981
...So the kids would know he was okay.
324
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,550
By the way, love your mall.
325
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,919
We've got it all.
326
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:22,822
So no one around here knows
what really happened?
327
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,024
Nope. Thanks to me.
328
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,061
Hey, that ought to be
worth something, huh?
329
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,629
Not anymore.
330
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:32,999
I mean, if the kids think Santa's okay,
Santa's okay.
331
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:36,502
So why should I bribe you
to say something you've already said?
332
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,072
It would be stupid.
Like paying that dead guy...
333
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,508
...For disappointing a whole
parking lot full of kids.
334
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,311
I'm saving money right and left here.
335
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:48,081
It's the best Christmas I've ever had.
336
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:52,385
Well, that about wraps it up here.
Roll him out, boys.
337
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:56,089
You know, you're a decent guy,
so here's a little tip from me to you.
338
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:58,858
Don't die with your jewellry on, huh?
339
00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:06,032
Well, Al, look at it this way.
340
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:07,700
You did a nice thing...
341
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:11,404
...Cost us a nice bribe,
and a shot at a happy Christmas.
342
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:12,772
Thank your father, kids.
343
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,674
Thanks, Dad.
344
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,543
Yeah, I know I let everybody down.
345
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,813
It's okay, Dad. It's not like this
never happened before.
346
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,983
Yeah. I mean, the Santa corpse
was a new twist...
347
00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:28,121
...But it's something to tell
a psychiatrist.
348
00:21:28,554 --> 00:21:30,823
Yes, it's a Bundy Christmas.
349
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:34,794
And unfortunately, we're Bundys.
350
00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:38,531
- What's that?
- If it's dead and has a red nose...
351
00:21:38,698 --> 00:21:41,701
...We'll throw it in Steve and Marcy's yard.
352
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,542
- What is it, Al?
- I don't know. It fell off the roof.
353
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,745
Hey, look. It's $10 certificates
from the Lakeside Mall.
354
00:21:52,912 --> 00:21:55,882
- Hundreds of them.
- It must be the bag Santa jumped with.
355
00:21:56,049 --> 00:21:57,617
We're rich, we're rich.
356
00:21:57,784 --> 00:21:59,185
I found it.
357
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:02,155
- Thank your father, kids.
- Thanks, Dad.
358
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,091
Let's go bust the mall. But first...
359
00:22:05,391 --> 00:22:06,893
...A moment of silence...
360
00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:10,963
...Because we owe a lot
to that jolly, flat man.
361
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,768
Okay, let's go.
28730
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