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1
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,243
Peg! Kids!
2
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,180
Time to torture me. I'm home.
3
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,883
Let's hear the pitter-patter
of little feet...
4
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:25,986
...The thrusting of greedy little hands.
5
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:28,722
What's this?
6
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:31,826
"Dear Al, the kids
are spending the night someplace...
7
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,828
...And I'm going out for a few hours.
8
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:37,364
Peggy. P.S. Dinner's on the table."
9
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:47,174
Yeah, nothing says loving
like something from the oven.
10
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:54,615
I'm a Bud man
And a Cub fan
11
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,588
Got the whole house to myself.
12
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,223
Like I died and went to--
13
00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:05,526
- Hi, Al.
- Hell.
14
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,662
How was your day, honey?
15
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,731
Up till now, great.
16
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:14,535
Today will go down in history
as the day that nothing went wrong.
17
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:17,271
First, I caught all the green lights
to and from work.
18
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:20,274
Then, I heard three good songs
in a row on the oldies station.
19
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:24,011
But best of all, some fat woman
came in the store and yelled at me...
20
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,981
...Then she went out
and fell right on her ass.
21
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:32,453
And tonight, the Cubs.
And you, you're going out.
22
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:36,624
No. There was gonna be a Tupperware
party at Mrs. Zimmerman's house...
23
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:40,594
...But the store was out of
X-rated tapes, so I came home.
24
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:45,432
You know, Al,
since the kids are both gone...
25
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,936
...I was thinking maybe
we could fool around.
26
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:53,440
Peg, if we do that now,
your birthday just won't be special.
27
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,044
Come on, honey.
28
00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,848
I gotta say no, but here's an idea:
29
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,150
Get me some chips.
30
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,887
Gotta say no, but how about this:
31
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,023
Sex for potato chips?
32
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,658
I gotta say no.
33
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,660
I'll give you five bucks.
34
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:14,728
Well, what the hell.
35
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:18,165
This'll last longer than sex, anyhow.
36
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:23,571
- Where's the chips?
- Probably at the store.
37
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,006
What the heck.
38
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:29,043
Still a good day.
I got my game, got my beer.
39
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,978
Got my gal.
40
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:33,047
Well, at least the kids are gone.
41
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:35,516
Hi, Dad. Hi, Mom.
42
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,451
I thought you were staying out.
43
00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:40,020
I was, but Robby's mom
came home in a bad mood.
44
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,057
She said something about
"No movies, no Tupperware."
45
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,593
Scooch over.
46
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,529
- How was work?
- Who cares.
47
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,130
- How's school?
- Who cares.
48
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,932
Good boy.
49
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,135
Now, shut up, Bud,
the game's gonna come on.
50
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,137
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
51
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,506
I thought you were spending the night out.
52
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,208
I did.
53
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,011
Scooch over.
54
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:05,846
Oh, guess what.
55
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,381
You know Billy's dad...
56
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,783
...The one who goes through his own garbage?
57
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:13,120
He just won a Porsche for being
the 15th caller on the radio.
58
00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:14,655
Isn't that great?
59
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,557
That is the third Porsche on the block.
60
00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:19,360
I can't believe our neighborhood.
Porsche, Porsche...
61
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,762
...Dodge, Porsche.
62
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,566
Yeah, we also have wage earners,
wage earners...
63
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:28,268
...Leeches, and wage earners.
64
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:32,940
Kids, it's time to thank your father
for bringing home minimum wage.
65
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,242
- Thanks, Dad.
- Thanks, Dad.
66
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,278
Yep, I had a life once.
Any more good news?
67
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:41,949
Yeah, we learned in school today
that by the time you retire...
68
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:44,351
...Social security won't be there anymore.
69
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:47,388
You're not gonna come live with us,
are you, Dad?
70
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,724
Did I tell you kids that I love you today?
71
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:54,595
- No, Dad.
- Think about that on your way upstairs.
72
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,432
I wonder who that could be.
73
00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:02,269
That's Steve and Marcie.
No, don't answer it, Peg.
74
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,973
Oh, look, it's Steve and Marcie.
75
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,076
Hi. Hey, Al, ask me what happened today.
76
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,150
- Peg, ask me how I'm doing.
- How are you doing?
77
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,520
You're looking at the new manager
of the leading bank of Chicago.
78
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,556
- Steve got promoted.
- Well, congratulations.
79
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,992
Did you hear that, Al?
Steve got promoted.
80
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:28,228
Gee, that's great.
What grade's he in?
81
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,932
Oh, Al.
82
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,768
You know, when Marcie got
that spot at Kyoto National...
83
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,203
...Her job opened up.
84
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,206
Steve's going to be making
a lot more money now.
85
00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:43,010
- Guess what I got under my arm.
- Nair burn?
86
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,749
A lot more money, Al.
87
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:51,752
Anyhow, I brought some brochures.
We're gonna get a new car.
88
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,254
You know, one that makes a statement.
89
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:55,789
That says:
90
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,759
"Why is he living in this neighborhood?"
91
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,028
I'm so proud of my man.
92
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:03,931
Come and tell me what it's like, Marce.
93
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,501
Anyhow, Al, you know about cars.
94
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:11,805
I've narrowed it down to the Volvo,
the baby Benz...
95
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,308
...And the BMW three Series.
96
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:18,212
Which would you get
if you had any money at all?
97
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,081
Well, the BMW is a driver's car...
98
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,650
...But if you should happen
to drive into a wall...
99
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:26,220
...The Benz has air bags...
100
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,623
...So I'd go with the BMW.
101
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,126
What's the matter, Al, bad day?
102
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:35,295
Nope, because I'm gonna watch the Cubs.
103
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:39,500
Yep, I'm watching them pull the tarp
over the field.
104
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,469
And the game is called due to rain.
105
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:45,239
Stay tuned for something boring.
106
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,177
Well, it's kind of hard to describe.
107
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:54,047
You know, it's the feeling
of being happy to be married to him...
108
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,549
...Admiring him...
109
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,885
...Looking forward to him coming home.
110
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:00,754
Marce, look at Al.
111
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:04,124
Would you look forward to him coming home?
112
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,298
I'm sorry, Peggy.
113
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,767
Anyhow, Al,
I can't decide about the colors.
114
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,737
I'm leaning towards black.
That'll attract the women.
115
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,072
Make them see what they can't have.
116
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,544
Let's go, Marce.
117
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,080
Al, by the way...
118
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,250
...Marcie has to go away this weekend.
Her mother may remarry...
119
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:33,120
...And she's driving up
to run a quick credit check.
120
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,323
Can you give me a lift home
from work tomorrow?
121
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,926
Why don't you ask a friend?
122
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,196
I don't want to put any of them out.
123
00:07:42,362 --> 00:07:43,664
Let's go, Marce.
124
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,899
Let's go buy something.
125
00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:50,904
I just love it when
you talk spending to me.
126
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,875
I can't believe it.
127
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,110
Everybody in the world is making money.
128
00:07:57,311 --> 00:08:00,180
Honey, that's not true.
129
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,249
You're not.
130
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,219
You're my rock, Peg.
131
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:08,589
And you are my albatross, Al.
132
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:11,491
Look, honey, you're still a young man.
133
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:14,795
And there's plenty of chances
to make it big.
134
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,399
That's sweet of you, Peg.
135
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:22,135
A fella couldn't ask for a better wife.
136
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:39,987
It's okay, Wyatt.
137
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,155
I'll get it.
138
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,693
Hi, Al. Be right with you.
139
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,564
I've never been in a bank
that was closed before.
140
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,766
Yep. This is where it all happens.
141
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,603
You know, this is my favorite time
and my favorite place.
142
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,940
Yeah, some people like Hawaii at sunset.
143
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:04,011
Me? Give me a bank after hours.
144
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:08,115
It's the cathedral of capitalism.
145
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,518
Can you hear it, Al?
146
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,955
It's the sound of interest accruing.
147
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:20,761
I'll be with you in a second, just a few
last-minute managerial duties.
148
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:24,798
Tomorrow's a busy day so I'll put
out the "next window, please" signs...
149
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:28,168
...Because we're only gonna have
two tellers working.
150
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:31,438
And I got one more car loan to approve.
151
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:33,006
Come on, hurry up, Steve!
152
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,208
It won't take long. It's mine.
153
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,743
Yes!
154
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,448
Okay, Al.
155
00:09:41,882 --> 00:09:43,884
I'm ready.
156
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:47,621
- Al?
- I'm in the vault!
157
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,589
The vault!
158
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:53,994
Al, are you crazy?
This is a federal offence.
159
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,696
I was just looking.
160
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,998
Okay, I'm ready to go.
161
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,902
Al, you can't touch this.
162
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,603
This is money.
163
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:07,874
Only the bank president and
his squeeze can play with the money.
164
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,310
Steve...
165
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:12,813
...Smell this.
166
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:20,320
Tell me we don't have the same rights
as a bank president and his squeeze.
167
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:27,094
I'll see your 50,000 and I'll raise you...
168
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,629
...This gold bar.
169
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,368
I...call.
170
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,036
Read them and weep.
171
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,205
Jack high.
172
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,474
Deuces, Al.
173
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,509
Two of them.
174
00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:45,946
Hey, Steve-- Indian poker
for this guy's mortgage.
175
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,281
I don't feel like it, Al.
176
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,918
Is it unnatural for me to be horny?
177
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:55,689
Not at all, Steve. Money is love.
178
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,725
This is a car.
179
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,395
This is a house.
180
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:04,031
And all this is a blond.
181
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:09,069
Look at these bonds, Al.
182
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:14,508
This little piece of paper
is worth $100,000.
183
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:18,412
Steve, I'm gonna just
throw something at you.
184
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:21,114
What say I pull the car around back...
185
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,550
...We load it up...
186
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,218
...And head for Canada?
187
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,587
Where the dollar means something.
188
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,856
Call the girls in about ten years.
189
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,527
- I can't.
- Why?
190
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:36,329
- I don't exactly know.
- Come on, Steve!
191
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,632
They sell Mercedes in Canada, big ones!
192
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:41,868
And they come with hookers
dressed like college girls.
193
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,438
Come on, Steve, get some bags.
194
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:47,874
I'll toss out Peg's dry cleaning
and we'll make room in the trunk.
195
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,143
It's not like we'll never
see the girls again.
196
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:53,080
- Right!
- Okay, I'll get the car!
197
00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:56,083
If Wyatt wakes up, kill him.
198
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,419
Wait a second.
199
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,755
Al, this is insane.
200
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,323
It's wrong.
201
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:04,791
It's illegal.
202
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,927
That's it. It's illegal.
203
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,896
Aw, come on, buddy.
204
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,467
We've had our fun. Let's go home.
205
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,335
All right. You're right.
206
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:19,773
It's all coming back to me now.
Ungrateful redhead, rotten kids. Yeah.
207
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,176
Yeah, I'm back now,
but what a beautiful memory.
208
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:27,214
I wish I had a picture of it so I could
show my grandkids I had this money...
209
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,649
...But their grandmother spent it all.
210
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,952
I know.
211
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,453
But...
212
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,522
...We got our memories.
213
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,991
Let's go, buddy.
214
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,638
Well, I think we should be
very proud of your daddy.
215
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:55,542
He just cost us the only chance
we'll ever have for happiness.
216
00:12:56,209 --> 00:13:00,280
I'll tell you this much. The man I marry
would have taken that money.
217
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,050
Hey, leave Dad alone.
218
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:08,989
Don't you think he knows he made
the biggest mistake of all our lives?
219
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:13,793
As I said to Steve, it's illegal, wrong,
and I'll have no part of it.
220
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,431
Al, tell me something, honey.
221
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:21,034
When you were in there
with all that money...
222
00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:22,702
...What did you think about?
223
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,305
Well, Peg, I thought if I did take it...
224
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,807
...You, me and the kids would go to Canada...
225
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,709
...And live the life we deserve.
226
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,511
Honey.
227
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:33,113
I know. I know.
228
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,184
Al, there's a million dollars missing.
Where is it?
229
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:41,521
- Oh, Al!
- All right, Dad!
230
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,163
I can have everything I want.
231
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,432
I love my daddy!
232
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,435
We all do, dear.
233
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,004
Al, you are scum.
234
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,508
But he can buy and sell you, buddy.
235
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:05,078
Steve, listen, you know I didn't take it.
236
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,480
How could I carry out a million dollars?
237
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,317
Those security bonds.
Ten stinking pieces of paper.
238
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,819
You could've taken them while I was out.
239
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,655
Security bonds. Brilliant, Dad.
240
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,625
Those are good in Canada, aren't they, Al?
241
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:22,329
A cashmere sweater, a CD player...
242
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:25,565
...David Lee Roth chained to my bed.
243
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,402
Listen, Monday
when they check the duty roster...
244
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:32,105
...One word is gonna come down
from above: Rhoades.
245
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,641
And I will have one word for them: Bundy.
246
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:37,110
Listen, Steve, I didn't take it!
247
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:41,314
Al! We're talking 20 to 50
with chain-saw killers.
248
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,184
And don't think
I'm serving time alone, bunkie.
249
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:48,888
If I'm in the showers with maniacs,
you're gonna be passing the soap.
250
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,392
I did not take it!
251
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,561
Hello, Debbie?
252
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:58,898
Remember saying you wouldn't go out
with me for all the money in the world?
253
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,968
Let's test that theory, shall we?
254
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,738
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
255
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:09,009
I'm going to go home,
drink moderately, and pass out.
256
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,178
And when I come to,
you're gonna give the money back...
257
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:16,349
...Because I believe, deep down,
that you are an honest man.
258
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:19,219
So here I go...
259
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,788
...Walking through the door...
260
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,857
...To leave you alone with your conscience.
261
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:27,193
Peggy, I'm depending on you
to make him do the right thing.
262
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:31,931
Steve, if Al said he didn't take it,
he didn't take it.
263
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,137
God, I love you!
264
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,808
Sure, my husband shows me no affection...
265
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:48,315
...And has a go-nowhere job, but Daddy
is really taking care of his family now!
266
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,550
- Yeah!
- All right, Dad!
267
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,687
Peg, listen to me for once in your life.
268
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,388
I don't have the money.
269
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,758
Now, don't think
you're holding out on me, Al.
270
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:00,460
I've made your breakfasts.
271
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,028
I've had your children.
272
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,998
I've even gone to the bathroom after you.
273
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,300
I've paid my dues, Al.
274
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,303
I've earned that money
just as if I'd taken it myself.
275
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,472
Half of it's mine.
276
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:16,576
Unless you go to prison,
and then it's all mine.
277
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:20,447
So where is it, snookie?
278
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:22,982
Don't know.
279
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:25,285
Okay, Al.
280
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:28,188
I believe you.
281
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:38,865
I know what you're thinking.
282
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,635
"How can I serve my daddy?"
283
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,339
- You can fix me breakfast.
- What's in it for us?
284
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:50,944
Right. Why should I make breakfast
for a man who won't even cut us in?
285
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,047
Well, okay, Peg, but I'll tell you this:
286
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,850
If a guy did have $1 million,
he sure wouldn't share it...
287
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,486
...With someone
who wouldn't fix his breakfast.
288
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,126
It's not golden-brown enough.
289
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,828
I knew it! I knew it! I'm sorry.
290
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:10,497
The harm's done, Bud.
291
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:12,098
Daddy's upset.
292
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,033
Don't badger your father, kids.
293
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,635
Juice, Al?
294
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:18,371
- Why not?
- I squeezed it myself.
295
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,907
Tell us again about Rio, honey.
296
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,675
Okay.
297
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:26,913
We'll all be there, laying in the sun.
298
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,648
Pulp.
299
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:33,920
The palm trees will be swaying
in the breeze, and the cabana boys--
300
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,525
They live to serve you.
301
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:41,728
Kelly, move it with Daddy's juice.
302
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:47,901
And the surfer boys,
in their tiny little bathing suits...
303
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,303
...Will be riding the waves.
304
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:53,540
Tell me again about their bodies, Al.
305
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,876
They're tight, Peg.
306
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,879
Young, tight and tan.
307
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:03,316
Still glistening from the surf.
308
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:12,959
Would you like another rubdown
with your breakfast, Al?
309
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:17,397
Peg, I'm raw, I'm full, and I can't go on.
310
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:20,500
Leave me alone.
I don't have the money.
311
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,336
Yeah, right, and I don't have
a date with Debbie.
312
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,705
Eighteen-year-old Debbie?
313
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,208
Money talks, Kel.
314
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,044
I'll get that, dear.
315
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:35,615
Rio de Janeiro
316
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:40,386
Where the boys swing
Their derrière-o.
317
00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:46,059
Well, it's Monday.
318
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:50,230
Right about now, they should discover
there's a million dollars missing.
319
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:54,801
They think. "Let's see... Who was the
last person in the bank on Saturday?
320
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,736
Who had the opportunity?
321
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,738
Why, it was Rhoades.
322
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,773
No wonder he called in sick today.
323
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:05,512
Well, let's turn down his car loan
and give him 20 years to life."
324
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,147
Of course, I'll turn you in.
325
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,985
And soon as we're both behind bars,
I'm going to kill you.
326
00:19:12,385 --> 00:19:17,056
If I can't do it myself, I'll make sure
my boyfriend's bigger than yours.
327
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,196
Don't let him scare you, Al.
328
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,032
You could do 20 years
standing on your head.
329
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:29,802
Yeah, Dad, and we'll be waiting
right here for you when you get out.
330
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:38,111
I see why you wouldn't mind prison,
but I like my home life.
331
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:39,779
Nice present for Marcie.
332
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:43,883
What will she say when I don't show
for dinner for the next 20 years to life?
333
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:47,053
There's the long arm of the law.
334
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:51,090
Nope, it's the frog legs of your wife.
335
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:55,428
Hi, Steve. I missed you so much.
336
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,865
She's wearing red.
That's how they got Dillinger.
337
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,500
Are you feeling okay, Steve?
338
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:03,836
I went by the bank when I got back.
They said you were sick.
339
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:08,041
They happen to mention
anything else about me?
340
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:12,345
Well, no, Steve.
But you're gonna love this:
341
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:15,648
Your bank lost a million dollars!
342
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:21,287
I get another job
and things just fall apart.
343
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,424
I mean, how do you lose a million dollars?
344
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,992
They were in a panic.
345
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:30,296
The computer made a transfer of funds
to Munich, but the telex confirmation--
346
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:34,667
Had the 12-hour international delay.
Of course!
347
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:38,304
I'm sure you would have caught it
if you hadn't been out sick.
348
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,839
I'm better now.
349
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,474
Isn't that something?
350
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:45,712
I'll bet a couple of idiots down at
the bank thought somebody took it.
351
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:49,449
We are banking professionals, Al.
352
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,050
Come on, Steve, let's go home.
353
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,885
Just a minute, Marcie.
354
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:55,421
- Al?
- Yes, Steve?
355
00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:00,093
Keep your kids away from my Mercedes.
356
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,897
The funniest thing is,
with that telex delay...
357
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:07,033
...Someone could've stolen that million...
358
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,336
...And been well into Canada
by the time they caught it.
359
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:20,313
We don't have a million dollars, Al?
360
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,282
Peg, I've been trying to tell you that
for two days.
361
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,752
You know I never listen to you.
362
00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:29,389
Well, we're broke again, kids.
Thank your father.
363
00:21:29,555 --> 00:21:31,724
- Thanks, Dad.
- Thanks, Dad.
364
00:21:32,025 --> 00:21:34,060
What the hell, we're rich in other ways.
365
00:21:34,227 --> 00:21:35,995
We've still got each other.
366
00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:39,165
Well, I'm going to work.
And I'll tell you what I'll do.
367
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:42,568
I'll stop off after work
and get us some Sugar Pops.
368
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:45,672
See? We're not too broke to eat.
369
00:21:51,244 --> 00:21:55,481
Well, life isn't so bad, is it, kids?
370
00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:04,524
And on a local note, tragedy was
narrowly averted moments ago...
371
00:22:04,691 --> 00:22:07,393
...When a sobbing woman
and her two hysterical children...
372
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,698
...Were talked down from a ledge
on the Sears Tower.
373
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:16,636
It's believed to be the first family
suicide attempt in Chicago history.
374
00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:21,908
The woman was quoted as sobbing,
"Shoes. He sells shoes."
375
00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:26,012
I'm home!
28563
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