All language subtitles for Married With Children S02E02 Poppys By The Tree Part I MULTi 1080p AMZN WEB-DL H264-Mixio_track4_[eng]

Harold! This place stinks.

I don't know why you took me here.

The air conditioner isn't working,
the room service is terrible...

...And will you listen to that radio.

This place is a disgrace!

It's a disgrace.

And what about the towels?

I asked for towels.

How come they don't have towels
in this place?

This place is a disgrace!

It's a disgrace.

Finally.

Come in.

A disgrace.

Where are the towels?

I don't see any towels.

What is that behind your back?

What?

Okay, it's vacation time.

Peg, kids,
we're going to Poppy's By The Tree...

...In picturesque Dumpwater, Florida.

Let's see some excitement.

- Well, I guess it's up to me. Dad?
- Yes, Bud?

I thought we all voted on Hawaii.

That was just a vote, Bud.
Didn't mean anything.

Al, honey, you promised this year
we could take a real vacation.

Some place where we don't look out
our windows...

...And see chain gangs working.

Come on, Peg. We still sing
those songs we learned down there.

This year I found something
really special.

Look at this brochure, Peg.

This place has everything Hawaii has.

It's got sunshine, a palm tree...

...Quicksand.

But the best part is,
it's in the United States.

So are the sewers of Manhattan, Dad.

Or am I spoiling next year's vacation?

Al, we all appreciate your efforts
at finding...

...The cheapest places in America.

- But Dumpwater, Florida?
- You'll judge a place by its name?

If we did that, we never would have
experienced Six Toe, Arkansas.

Remember that soup, kids?

And don't forget those underground fires.

Dumpwater's gonna make
Six Toe look sick.

And the best part is,
it's only eight dollars a night.

See, that'll give us plenty
of extra money to...

Well, let's see.

I don't know,
but it'll leave us plenty of money.

My decision is made.

Now, if people don't wanna go to Poppy's...

...We can use that money
to buy one of those soft toilet seats...

...And make every day a vacation.

- Poppy's.
- Poppy's.

Well, kids, it is near a nice tree.

You betcha, Peg.

And the best part is,
we're taking the family car.

You betcha. And that way,
we get to see all the sights.

You mean like the house
that defies gravity?

That's our first stop.

That was supposed to be a surprise
for the kids. You didn't hear that.

Yeah, we did, Dad.

Actually, Dad, can we listen
to the oldies station all the way down?

- Please?
- We can.

Do we get to stop
at Howard Johnson's for Pez?

We do.

All the way through speed-trap country,
do I get to pretend I'm in labor?

You do.

Now, kids, go upstairs, lay out
all the clothes you want to take...

...And keep this in mind:

The first Howard Johnson's,
the Pez is on Dad.

That must be Robin Leach.

Can I get some help here?

Well, here it is. But please
be very careful with our luggage.

We just got it.

- We'll treat it as if it were our own.
- Then I can't let you have it.

Hey, she brought the camera.

Now, Steve loves this camera.
Please be very careful with it.

Hi, guys.

I was cleaning out the garage
and I found our luggage.

It's not the greatest,
but it's all we've got.

Someday we'll get some good luggage,
but right now, it'll have to do.

And you're more than welcome to it.

Now, here's our camera.

It's not much, but it's all we've got.

You're more than welcome to--

Marcie, that's our good luggage.

You gave them our good luggage?

Smile!

God, I hate them.

So where are you headed?

Well, where's the one place you would
go if you could go anywhere?

- Greece?
- That's right.

- We're going to Dumpwater, Florida.
- U.S. of A.

Dad, our clothes
are all ready for Stinkwater.

That's Dumpwater, kids.

Come here. Peg, you too.

Now, I know this is not
your first choice for a vacation.

- Does it show, Dad?
- Shut up, Bud.

I'm trying to explain
something important to all of you.

We're poor,
so we're going to Dumpwater, Florida.

But let's look at the positive side.

It's a week where you don't have
to go to school.

It's a week where I don't
have to go to work. And, Peg...

Well, every day's a vacation to you,
so what am I talking to you for?

Now, let's see some smiles,
because tomorrow...

...The memories begin.

Who wants Pez?

Leave us alone.

Well, there it is.
The biggest sinkhole in the South.

We're really seeing America now, eh, kids?

What's wrong with you people?

Everybody!

- Leave us alone.
- Leave us alone.

Yes, officer,
I'm due to give birth any minute.

No, an escort to the hospital
won't be necessary, officer.

We want our child to be born in Florida.

Dumpwater, Florida.

Where are the kids?

Hot.

- Hot.
- Hot.

Who you think
is gonna get killed this time?

We're here!

Let the good times roll!

Looks better than the brochure,
doesn't it?

Hey, Jethro, you wanna get a picture
of me and the family?

Yeah, they'll be wanting one
for the paper.

Just say "gator bait."

Ah, smell that air.

I'll open the window, sir.

Excuse me, sir. In your brochure,
it said that you had a TV.

Yes, ma'am, but not in the rooms.

We meant the town has one.

Gee, Al, no TV.

I guess that means we'll just have
to entertain ourselves at night.

Well, who has it, and how far is it?

Where do we sleep, out behind the still?

She must've been mighty scared once...

...For her hair to turn white
at such a young age.

Right through this door.

Hey, I asked for the twin beds!

Dad, I don't think these are exact twins.
One has a lawnmower on it.

Well, enjoy your stay, folks.

And remember our motto:

"If we don't have it,
you should have brought it with you."

And remember our motto:
"We don't have it."

Well, kids, what do you think?

I think that if I can get a rope
over that beam, that I can hang myself.

I'll help you find one.

- What's the matter with everybody?
- We're all mad at you, Al.

- We wanted to go to Hawaii.
- What's so great about Hawaii?

I mean, the sun shines down here too.

But look what it lights up.

It's just different. It's...

It's eight dollars a night, Peg.
Couldn't you learn to like it?

Well, okay, I'll try.

But you got to admit, there is
something weird about this place.

I mean, the people,
the way they look at you...

...Like you're dinner.

That's ridiculous, Peg.
There's nobody looking at us.

I tell you, this place is fine.

Your problem is you're a city girl.

You don't know how to unwind.

Or keep house, or get a job,
or bring any money home.

Now...

Let's look at our complimentary
Dumpwater Floridian ...

...And see what the town has to offer.

Where's the entertainment section?

Page two.

Here we go. Okay.

Oh, look. There's a two-headed
pickled goat down by the courthouse.

Oh, Al, let's do something
we can't do at home.

Fine.
How about looking for a good meal?

Let's not argue.

As pathetic as it is, you are my husband...

...And this is our vacation.

That's the spirit, Peg.

Look here.

Tonight at the high school.
"Meet the man who met Andy Griffith."

Are you that jaded, Peg?

Hi. I brought you some towels
and some T.P.

Didn't you see the "Do Not Disturb" sign?

Oh, we just put that out as a nicety.

I mean, nobody here's gonna disturb you.

I'll just put the T.P. in the B.R.

No, no. Not over there.

Could you put it down over there?

You look like a nice couple.

Oh, you too.

I picked this towel special for you.

Don't tell anybody that I gave it to you.

Is there anything else
I can do for you?

Gee, I don't know.
Al, you want her to bend over again?

You know,
to pick up your tongue or anything?

Peg, just stand there and age.
I'm busy.

Let me get the door for you.

Your husband really is sweet.

That must be why the flies love him.

Don't you forget to use
that special towel, now.

She's out the door, Al.

Gee, this is nice here.
Let's move here.

Well, you just keep pulling in
those big bucks...

...And in a hundred years, maybe
we can afford a shack just like this.

You're jealous because you don't have
a special towel.

Why don't you take a shower
and wash off that special odor.

I don't know what's so special
about this towel.

We'll steal it anyway.

"3 a.m."

"3 a.m."
Damn, I had three a.m. last time.

Hell, we always find the bodies
before three a.m.

Here's my dollar.

All right! Midnight.

Hey, Becky.

You want in? Still a couple
of times left in the lottery.

No. I think it's terrible,
you betting on what time...

...That poor obnoxious family's gonna
get chopped into little, bitty pieces.

And for what, $20?

It's up to 25.

I'm in.

- Put it in there. Show us what you got.
- Show it to us.

It's the young'uns.

That poor little white-haired girl.

You'd think she'd throw some dye on it.

Can I help you?

Yeah. Is there any actual food here...

...Or do I just stand by a bug light
with my mouth open?

Hey, even bumpkins have feelings, Kell.

- What do you want?
- A bus ticket and a real family.

But for now,
I'll settle for a couple of burgers.

Two burgers, Beanie!

How about you?

- Is he the cook?
- Yep.

I'll have a Coke.

Unopened.

Well, Bud, here we are...

...Another great Bundy vacation.

You know, other kids, they get to go
to Europe or Hawaii.

No. We get to go to Hee Haw .

There's not another human being for mile--

Hello. See you in a week.

Where are you going?

To get buns for my burger.

Hey, Kell, Mom and Dad said not
to wander off without them.

Mom will understand.

Thanks, Kell. That's real nice.

Leave me with the tree people.

Your drink's ready.

I'm going to go axe the burgers now.

Why? There won't be any screaming,
will there?

To Dixie!

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.

I wasn't scared.

It was a reflex action from the war.

Sit down.

So you don't smell
like everybody else around here.

Well, thank you.
They say you're from Chicago.

Yep, Chicago. Chi-town.
The Windy City.

My kind of town.

Must be exciting.

Well, it is for me. I'm a cop.

Bundy. Bud Bundy. Chicago vice.

- Really?
- I'm also a millionaire.

- See, I made my money--
- There he is.

Oh, Bud, did you take
your milk of magnesia?

He didn't.

Bud, how do you expect
to get rid of that constipation...

...If you won't take your laxatives?

- Bud, you made a little friend, huh?
- Yeah, you can help.

You got any pictures of me
on the potty you'd like to show her?

Well, excuse us, Mr. Sensitive.

Have you seen your sister?

No, thank you. I don't drink.

Mom, Dad, I didn't know
you guys were here.

What's going on?

Well, we were gonna go for a walk,
but we heard on the radio it might rain.

Hey, goob.
That radio upstairs stinks.

I'm paying eight dollars American.
Get a guy out of the pigpen...

...Let's get that thing working.

Hey, who wants some down-home cooking?

Hey, Elmo, vittles for the family.

Al. Honey, maybe you should be
a little nicer to these people.

- I don't think they like us.
- Peg, I get yelled at all year long.

This is my money and my vacation.
It's my turn to be the customer.

- But, Al, it's obnoxious.
- So what?

What are they gonna do, kill us?

You know, I have to admit, Al,
you were right.

Treat people like scum,
and they just can't do enough for you.

I mean, everybody was so friendly to us.

It was as if tonight
were our last night on Earth.

- Starting to like it here, aren't you?
- Yeah.

Can we go down
to the high school tomorrow...

...And meet the man who met Andy Griffith?

Since when do you like Andy Griffith?

Since Gloria wants to go.

Bud's in love.

- I am not.
- He's blushing, Mom.

She's pregnant, Dad.

Am not!

Well, then I guess
it's just your beer belly.

Now, kids, we can do this at home.

Go to bed, and then we'll decide
what to do tomorrow.

Oh, Al, our kids
are really growing up fast.

Soon they won't need us for anything.

How soon, Peg?

Not soon enough.

You know, honey,
it really is kind of romantic here...

...With the rain beating against the window.

The wind whistling through the trees.

- Comfortable, Al?
- Does it matter, Peg?

- Not really.
- Aw, Peg...

...This was supposed to be my vacation.

Get to work, Al.

All right, get my Dramamine.