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1
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,230
-HAWKEYE: Will you--
2
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,971
-For cryin' out loud,
cut it out!
-Stop it! Will you stop it!
3
00:00:59,015 --> 00:01:01,800
-Just leave us alone!
-Will you cut it out!
4
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:10,113
If only we could
get some news,
5
00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:11,549
any news.
6
00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:13,421
You boys
better get some sleep.
7
00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:15,423
We're gonna miss them
in O.R. tomorrow.
8
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:18,078
I can't sleep. I keep expecting
him to walk through the door.
9
00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:21,298
I've said an entire
novena in one night.
10
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,213
Guess
we'll just have to wait.
11
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,085
I'm sure
they're all right.
12
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:26,608
They must be going
through hell out there.
13
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,355
Colonel, this guy
you said couldn't wait
14
00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:35,791
has been waiting
45 minutes.
15
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:38,228
All right.
Hold your horses. B.J.?
16
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:41,188
I got him.
Put him down on the end
and get him ready.
17
00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:43,973
-Send Kellye over here
to close for me.
-Kellye, thread your needle.
18
00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:46,062
-Father, retract this for me.
-Right.
19
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,673
Great. Musical scalpels.
Give me a clean gown.
20
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,893
I hope you're shaking
a leg, Winchester.
21
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:52,721
Colonel, my graceful fingers
22
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,331
are dancing o'er the innards
of this hapless doughboy,
23
00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,942
and, when I am done,
I shall be done.
24
00:01:56,986 --> 00:02:00,729
-I'm sorry I asked.
-That's what I had in mind.
25
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:02,252
Anybody know where
Hawk and Margaret are
26
00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:03,993
and why nobody's out
looking for them?
27
00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,995
I spoke to the chaplain
at I-Corps a few minutes ago.
28
00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:07,823
-And?
-No help.
29
00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,694
They still won't send up
a spotter plane for a search.
30
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:11,174
His C.O. just won't budge.
31
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:12,915
Did you tell him
we're desperate?
32
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:15,352
Rather vividly.
I'm afraid my anger
33
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,180
may cost me a few days
in purgatory.
34
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,530
Well, your heart was in
the right place, Father.
35
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:22,185
I wish mine was.
Right now,
it's in my mouth,
36
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,056
waiting for somebody
to do something.
37
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:27,234
CHARLES: You know, his abrasive
personality to one side,
38
00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:29,279
Pierce was a skilled surgeon.
39
00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:30,933
Charles,
it's a bit premature
40
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,456
to be speaking well
of the dead.
41
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,502
Colonel, did you get through
to the 8063rd yet?
42
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,547
Still floating
on a sea of static.
43
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,201
A little more retraction there,
if you please, Father.
44
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,072
Oh, yes. Sorry.
45
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:42,118
I'm afraid I'm not
as sharp a nurse as Margaret.
46
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,208
If the truth be known,
Margaret was a superior nurse.
47
00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:47,906
Charles, will you
quit talking about them
in the past tense?
48
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,126
How would you like me
to talk about them,
in the future tense?
49
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,389
Yes, actually.
50
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:55,697
We could all say a little prayer
that they'll come home tonight.
51
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:58,395
That's not too far
in the future, is it, Major?
52
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,223
Touché, Father.
53
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:12,757
Oh, yeah.
54
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,372
-Hmm.
55
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,677
Mm.
56
00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:21,984
Well.
57
00:03:23,942 --> 00:03:25,422
-Hi.
-Hi.
58
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:30,427
Did you sleep well?
59
00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:32,777
Gee, I don't know.
I was unconscious
most of the time.
60
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:37,304
How about a nice,
big breakfast?
61
00:03:37,347 --> 00:03:39,262
Great. What'll we do,
62
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:41,960
call room service or go
down to the coffee shop?
63
00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:43,745
Do we still have
those canned peaches?
64
00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:45,790
-I don't know. I'll see.
-No. You just rest.
65
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:47,879
-I'll fix breakfast.
-Oh.
66
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,897
-Oh. I wish we had the caviar.
-Yeah.
67
00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:10,032
Oh, no peaches.
68
00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:12,817
-Crackers and jam.
-Well.
69
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:16,647
Well, that's not so bad.
That's all right.
70
00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:20,434
A continental breakfast.
71
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,827
-The continent of Atlantis.
-The what?
72
00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:26,048
-That's the one that sank.
-Oh. Yeah.
73
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:30,139
-That's like a joke.
-Similar.
74
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:34,143
You know, I really love
your sense of humor.
75
00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:35,971
There have been times
in the O.R.,
76
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:37,364
no one could see
under my mask,
77
00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:40,671
I was smiling
at everything you said.
78
00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:43,326
Sometimes I'd be standing
right next to Frank,
79
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,502
and you'd get off
a really good one on him,
80
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:48,026
and I'd just be grinning
from ear to ear.
81
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:51,116
-No kidding.
82
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:54,642
How did you feel about me...
under your mask?
83
00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:57,297
Well, you know,
a lot of the stuff that came
84
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,689
out of my mouth
and through my mask
85
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:01,170
was just fatigue
and craziness.
86
00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:04,695
I know.
I think I always knew.
87
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:08,003
I mean, I've always felt that
you were a very attractive...
88
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:11,833
very, uh...
89
00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:13,356
attractive person.
90
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,010
And there we were,
91
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:17,795
hiding behind our masks
all the time.
92
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:21,973
-Yeah.
-If only I'd have known
before I met Donald.
93
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:27,065
-You know?
-Yeah.
94
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:32,244
Oh! I must look awful.
95
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:34,377
You look fine.
Wonderful.
96
00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:37,641
Ah! Here I am...
no lipstick, no comb,
97
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:40,383
dust all over my face.
98
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:43,168
Well, I guess
if I could pass muster
on a morning like this,
99
00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,214
I can't be that bad.
100
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:47,477
-You look great, Margaret.
-Oh!
101
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,045
I wish I had my toothbrush.
102
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:53,614
If I don't keep my teeth
polished, they get
positively dim.
103
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,703
You have the whitest teeth
I've ever seen.
104
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:58,270
Oh, I always thought
they were my weak point.
105
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:01,970
-Margaret, you could
read by your teeth.
106
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,015
You know what I like
about you?
107
00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:07,323
You don't shower a woman
with empty praise.
108
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,369
You say very little.
109
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:13,416
But when you do give
a tiny, little compliment,
110
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,287
it means so much more.
111
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:22,599
-Doug, have you got a second?
-Hey, Beej, how's it goin'?
112
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:25,167
Lousy. Pierce and Houlihan
have been missing for
a day and a half.
113
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:27,299
We can't get I-Corps to send
a plane to look for them.
114
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,432
I know. I got orders
to stay on the ground too.
115
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,565
If we don't find them,
the North Koreans will.
116
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:32,914
-I'm not just gonna sit
here and let that happen.
117
00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:35,220
-You're not?
-No. We're not.
118
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:37,875
We? You, me and my chopper?
119
00:06:37,919 --> 00:06:40,269
The three and only.
120
00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:42,880
You and I could get into
an awful lot of trouble,
and so could my chopper.
121
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,491
I don't have any authorization.
122
00:06:44,534 --> 00:06:46,710
You fly through machine gun
fire to pick up wounded G.I.s.
123
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,233
What kind of authorization
do you have for that?
124
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,148
Anybody from I-Corps
sees us up there,
125
00:06:50,192 --> 00:06:52,412
there ain't gonna be a sling
big enough to hold our butts.
126
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,327
Aylesworth, nobody's
gonna see us up there
but the North Koreans.
127
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,939
-All they got is guns.
-All right.
128
00:06:57,982 --> 00:07:00,420
All right. You know
I can't turn down
a chance to get shot at.
129
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,210
Margaret, you certainly
are a delicious cook.
130
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:11,561
Wait until you see
what I do with leftovers.
131
00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:16,653
Well, here we are-- two sleepy
people by dawn's early light,
132
00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:19,787
hoping they won't get
shot before lunch.
133
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:22,093
Who'd have thought
we'd wind up together
like this?
134
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:24,618
Makes you stop and think,
doesn't it?
135
00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:28,883
There's somebody out there!
Get down!
136
00:07:28,926 --> 00:07:30,145
Get down? I can't get up.
137
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:32,147
No, no, no, no! Stay there.
138
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,672
It's all right.
Don't panic, darling.
139
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:37,718
-We'll be all right.
-It's a North Korean.
140
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:40,503
-"Darling"?
-We'll be fine. Just relax.
141
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,505
Margaret, there's a man
in uniform out there,
142
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,333
and he's not here
to read the meter.
143
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,686
-We gotta get outta here.
-He won't come in.
144
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,732
Look, he's scavenging.
He filled his pockets,
145
00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,821
and he's coming in here
to look for more goodies.
146
00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:56,214
-Come on!
- My leg doesn't work.
147
00:07:56,258 --> 00:08:00,392
-It stiffened up overnight.
-Try to move! Please!
148
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,351
He's almost here!
149
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:05,485
Oh, forget it. Hide! Hide!
150
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:07,748
Come here, come here!
Get under. Come on.
151
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:10,925
Get down, get down.
152
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:45,481
Don't touch him!
He may be booby-trapped.
153
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,615
He's got a belly wound.
154
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,051
God, this guy was out there
155
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:51,705
stealing pennies
from a dead man.
156
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:54,490
He's only got a couple
of hours left himself.
157
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,536
What crazy place is this?
158
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:59,364
-How hungry can they be?
-He could have killed us.
159
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:02,367
I doubt it, not if
you'd offered him breakfast.
160
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:05,588
Who knows how many more
there are out there?
161
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:08,156
-What's that?
162
00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:13,944
It's a chopper.
It's one of ours!
163
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:16,207
-We're saved!
-Margaret!
164
00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:18,558
Hey! Hey!
165
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:21,517
Here we are! Hey!
166
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,738
Hey! Here we are! Hey!
167
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:29,394
-Nothing. How about your side?
-Not a thing.
168
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:32,528
KLINGER :
MASH 4077 to Red Four. Over.
169
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,921
-Give me that.
170
00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:36,010
Come in, Red Four.
Do you read me?
171
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:39,317
-That's Potter.
-Well, do we answer?
172
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:41,798
Suppose the radio's broken
for another five minutes.
173
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,757
I know you can hear me,
damn it.
174
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,106
Now pick up the phone.
175
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:47,630
Is he gonna be mad
when we get back.
176
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,066
Not if we find them.
Let's keep looking.
177
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:54,898
-No! Oh! Oh!
-They gotta be here.
Where are they?
178
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:56,334
POTTER :
Listen, you nitwits!
179
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:58,162
You are in such big trouble,
180
00:09:58,206 --> 00:10:00,338
you're gonna need a lawyer
just to land again.
181
00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:03,646
First my chief surgeon
and my head nurse
disappear, and now you.
182
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:06,040
B.J.:
Wait a minute. What's that?
183
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,563
It's a MASH jeep.
184
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,130
Colonel Potter, it's B.J.
I think we found them.
185
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:10,784
What? Where are you?
186
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:17,704
Uh-oh.
187
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:23,100
Doesn't this thing
go any faster?
188
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:26,451
-They got the antenna.
189
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,931
-B.J.: Let's get outta here!
190
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:32,414
Oh! Oh! Hawk-- Hawkeye!
191
00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:35,460
Ah! Ah!
192
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,940
They were hit! They went back!
193
00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:38,463
Did you hear the shooting?
194
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:40,291
Come on! We've gotta
get outta here!
195
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:41,641
Where's the sulfa?
196
00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,294
Come on! They'll be
here any minute!
197
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:45,645
-Here it is.
-Darling, will you
move, please?
198
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:48,430
-There are people out there
who want to kill us!
-Give me a hand here.
199
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:49,779
You're not taking him
with us?
200
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:51,476
Don't be silly.
This is our date.
201
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,217
I'm gonna give him a quarter
and send him to the movies.
202
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:54,654
He's the enemy!
203
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,394
That's funny. He bleeds
just like our side.
204
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:59,876
-Ah!
-My leg is coming along
really well.
205
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:03,227
Listen to me.
You've got to try to walk.
206
00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:05,273
They'll be here any minute.
They'll find him.
207
00:11:05,316 --> 00:11:07,144
Suppose they don't come
in here. He'll die.
208
00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,843
Everybody comes in here!
We came in. He came in.
209
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:12,149
It's Grand Central Station
in here!
210
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,282
Move! Please!
211
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:18,982
Look. I love
how brave you are.
212
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:21,028
It's thrilling, really.
213
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:24,161
I love to see a strong man
who takes charge like that.
214
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:27,121
Now do what I tell you!
Walk to that door!
215
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:32,692
Ah, my brave soldier.
You're wonderful.
216
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:34,694
You're my inspiration.
217
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,957
Shake a leg!
218
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,436
You wanna trade places, fella?
219
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:56,890
Let me tell you, Hunnicutt.
220
00:11:56,933 --> 00:12:00,197
Stealing a U.S. Army helicopter
is slightly more serious
221
00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:02,069
than grabbing the family car
Saturday night.
222
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,635
Colonel,
I think we found them.
223
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,289
We spotted a jeep,
and I think I saw Margaret.
224
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,204
-You know the coordinates?
-Yeah. I got 'em.
225
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:09,772
Come on. The North Koreans
are backing off.
226
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:13,689
The 8063rd can send out
a search party.
227
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,169
Sorry about the chopper,
Colonel.
228
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:16,953
I'm taking it out
of your allowance.
229
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,311
-I like my men neat.
-And not on the rocks?
230
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,447
When we get back,
I'm gonna get you a new shirt.
231
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:35,058
This one's nice,
but I hate it.
232
00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:39,280
This shirt has stains on it
that hold fond memories for me.
233
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:41,586
You know,
you don't have to make
a joke about everything.
234
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:42,849
Just about most things.
235
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,894
I'll have you in tow soon.
236
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:51,945
-Don't you ever shave?
-Just my legs.
237
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:53,816
You know all the time
238
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:56,427
-when we were insulting
each other?
-Yeah?
239
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:58,734
Every once in a while...
240
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,606
I'd wonder what it
would be like to be...
241
00:13:03,434 --> 00:13:05,828
...you know, close to you.
242
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,961
-Did you?
-Oh.
243
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:10,659
We can be honest
with each other now.
244
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:15,403
Yes, I did. Sure.
245
00:13:15,446 --> 00:13:18,754
And there you were wasting time
with all those other women.
246
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,669
Well, waste not, want not.
247
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,240
I guess we have a problem,
don't we?
248
00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:29,460
We do?
249
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:31,854
What are we gonna
tell Donald?
250
00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:37,947
Tell Donald?
251
00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,906
What are we gonna tell Donald?
252
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,736
-About what?
-About us.
253
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:46,695
About what happened.
254
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,874
Uh, well...
255
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:54,137
what do you
usually tell him?
256
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,141
What do I usually tell him?
257
00:13:58,185 --> 00:13:59,708
-No, I mean--
-Yes?
258
00:13:59,751 --> 00:14:01,666
-Did you just hear something?
259
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,625
What do you mean,
what do I usually tell him?
260
00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:04,800
Margaret,
somebody's out there.
261
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,497
What do you mean
by that crack?
262
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:07,847
Quiet.
Get under that bush.
263
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,761
I'm waiting for an
explanation, Mister!
264
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:11,285
Come on, come on. Get up.
265
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,823
Oh, hi.
266
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,478
Would you be Captain Pierce
and Major Houlihan?
267
00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:33,785
-That's right, yeah.
-We're from the 8063rd.
268
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:36,527
-Oh!
-You must be pretty
glad to see us.
269
00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:38,878
Glad?
270
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:41,706
Glad?
271
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,795
-Glad?
-Stop laughing!
272
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,972
-Margaret, it's over.
-No, it isn't!
273
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:47,974
Not by a long shot, buster!
274
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,415
HAWKEYE:
So once the new section
of artery is in place,
275
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,547
you do an end-to-end
anastomosis.
276
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:58,332
MARGARET: We're using
a new vascular clamp
277
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,116
designed at the 4077th.
278
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,336
It allows us to stop
the bleeding
279
00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:04,207
without
crushing the artery.
280
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,122
-Scissors.
-Scissors!
281
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,080
Thank you.
282
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,084
It's a lot like
a coarctation of the aorta
283
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,389
where the narrowed area
is removed
284
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:13,956
and you sew
the two ends together.
285
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,566
It's new, but it's safe...
286
00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,133
for the patient.
287
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:20,136
Make sure the wound is
well irrigated, nurses,
288
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,616
or you're liable to have
a doctor
289
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:24,053
turn on you viciously.
290
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,186
Be sure to ask for the right
instruments, doctors,
291
00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:29,493
or you're liable to get handed
something you didn't expect.
292
00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:31,147
Time is important here.
293
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:33,584
Whatever he asks for,
give it to him immediately,
294
00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:36,283
whether you think
he can handle it or not.
295
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:43,203
And that does it. Doctor,
would you close for me?
296
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,335
-Major Houlihan,
can I see you outside?
-Certainly.
297
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:51,080
-What the hell
is the matter with you?
-Not a thing, Captain.
298
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,864
-What's eating you?
-I'll tell you
what's eating me.
299
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:55,432
You're driving me crazy.
We got along a lot better
300
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:56,999
until we started
to get along so well.
301
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,435
Now all of a sudden,
you're the queen
302
00:15:58,479 --> 00:15:59,871
and I'm the "Mirror,
mirror on the wall."
303
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:01,438
Is that so?
304
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,136
If I had to tell you
you were beautiful
one more time,
305
00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:04,702
I was gonna put it
on a record.
306
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:06,791
-Are you trying
to say I'm vain?
-Who, me?
307
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:09,316
-And demanding, I suppose?
-Look, I don't mind,
308
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:12,232
but all this genuflecting
is making my pants baggy.
309
00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,712
Let me tell you
something, buster.
310
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:18,847
Sir Walter Raleigh you ain't.
You think you're not demanding?
311
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,936
You think it isn't vain
to expect me to laugh
312
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,243
at every stupid thing
that comes into your head?
313
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,897
And the sloppiness,
the crudity!
314
00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:27,987
And stop
trying to improve me.
315
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:30,728
-Just leave me the way I am.
-Gladly.
316
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,774
Just a second.
I'm not finished.
317
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,384
Let's keep this out
of the operating room.
318
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:36,082
When we walk into surgery,
319
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,127
I expect us to cut into
the patients, not each other.
320
00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:40,434
I'm a professional, Captain.
321
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,697
When we get back
to the 4077th,
322
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,742
no one will see
the faintest sign from me
323
00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:47,223
we've had even
the mildest disagreement.
324
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,659
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
325
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:53,012
Shall we go back in
for questions now?
326
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:54,752
Certainly.
327
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,885
Here's to our dear friends
Hawkeye and Margaret,
328
00:16:56,928 --> 00:16:58,191
who, thank God,
are still with us,
329
00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:02,108
body and spirit intact.
330
00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:03,848
-Amen.
-I'll see your amen
331
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,198
and raise you
two hallelujahs.
332
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,722
A "Hallelujah Chorus"
of hallelujahs.
333
00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:10,116
They ought to be back
in a couple hours.
334
00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:11,421
I don't mind telling you
335
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,293
I was scared clear down
to my jodhpurs.
336
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:16,078
We all were, Colonel.
337
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,298
I don't imagine they
had too terrific a time
of it themselves.
338
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,042
Those two?
339
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:25,479
Probably at each other's
throats the whole time.
340
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,698
Oh, I don't know.
Sometimes in adversity,
341
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:31,006
the coldest of enemies
can close ranks together,
342
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,661
joining hands, as it were,
sustaining each other.
343
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:37,230
Maybe he's got a point there.
344
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:39,275
You know, I never looked
at it quite that way.
345
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:42,452
You think they, uh,
joined hands?
346
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,541
They may have even
sustained each other.
347
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:46,630
Not to mention
closing ranks.
348
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:51,070
Ahem. What do you
think, Father?
349
00:17:52,941 --> 00:17:54,464
I think I'm in over my head.
350
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:08,174
KLINGER:
The 8063rd!
351
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,480
-What's the trouble?
-A house fell on me.
352
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,482
-KLINGER: You're kidding.
-MARGARET: Hello, Colonel!
353
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:17,922
Here we are, Margaret.
Sit right there.
354
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:20,229
-Oh!
-Let's get it
all set up for you.
355
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:23,102
We welcome back our wandering
children with open arms.
356
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:24,625
And so they don't
get lost again,
357
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:27,018
we have a couple
of little gifts for them.
358
00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:28,455
Klinger.
359
00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:30,283
A MASH compass.
360
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:34,113
If from this camp
you ever stray,
361
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,158
this little compass
will point the way.
362
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,204
Aim this arrow
to where you ain't,
363
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,553
and you'll come home
with no complaint.
364
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,124
In case you go
traveling again...
365
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,778
here are your passports.
366
00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:50,738
"This is a chief surgeon
and a head nurse.
367
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:53,393
"Do not give them candy
or let them loose.
368
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:56,004
"Please return to MASH 4077,
369
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:58,180
"where they will be
given hot soup,
370
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:00,965
clean jammies,
and a kiss on the head."
371
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:03,272
-Ah!
372
00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:07,189
Welcome home.
Welcome home.
373
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:10,061
POTTER: And our undying thanks
to the bad little boys
374
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:12,803
who disobeyed orders
and went out and found 'em--
375
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,805
B.J. Hunnicutt
and Doug Aylesworth.
376
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:21,116
♪ Oh, we went lookin' for ya
because we both adore ya ♪
377
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,206
♪ But don't you ever do it,
don't you put us through it ♪
378
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:27,296
♪ Don't you ever
do it again ♪
379
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,864
-Yay!
380
00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:31,909
Thank you.
Thank you all.
381
00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:34,303
You're warm and
affectionate and lovely.
382
00:19:34,347 --> 00:19:36,131
And you're so nice
to come home to.
383
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,176
Isn't that right, Major?
384
00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:39,656
Yes. Indeed it is, Captain.
385
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,832
I can't tell you
how glad I am you found us.
386
00:19:41,876 --> 00:19:43,965
I can't tell you how glad
I am you found us.
387
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,228
-Oh, boy!
Am I glad you found us.
388
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,317
-Uh-huh.
-You really saved my life.
389
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,884
-Excuse me.
-Yes?
390
00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:56,543
Hell hath no fury
like a woman sustained.
391
00:19:57,935 --> 00:20:00,024
You got any idea
what that was all about?
392
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:01,939
I think so, yeah.
393
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,767
How'd you like
to save my life again?
394
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,334
Sure. You want me
to fight her for you?
395
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:07,380
I need some advice.
396
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:12,515
We were scared and lonely,
and we turned to each other.
397
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,865
Only I turned away first,
and I guess I've insulted her.
398
00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:16,954
And I don't know
what to do about it.
399
00:20:16,998 --> 00:20:19,783
-Talk to her.
-Yeah, well,
I've thought of that.
400
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,263
Only I'm afraid,
if we make up,
401
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,960
it's liable to start
all over again.
402
00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:24,397
Are you afraid
of her or of you?
403
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:25,746
Why should I be afraid of me?
404
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,051
Sounds like maybe you felt
something for her,
405
00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:28,183
and it scares you.
406
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,272
I felt something
for her?
407
00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:32,274
Are you nuts?
I felt something?
408
00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:34,624
-You know who you sound like?
-Romeo Montague?
409
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:37,671
Hot Lips Houlihan. You got
her denial routine down pat.
410
00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,629
Don't be crazy.
411
00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:46,810
Well, actually...
412
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:49,248
even while I was
screaming and yelling
at her a while ago...
413
00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:53,643
a part of me was remembering
the night before.
414
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:56,298
So talk to her. What's
the worst that can happen,
415
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:59,301
that you'll have to admit
she stirred something in you?
416
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,912
Give a little.
You got plenty to spare.
417
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:05,264
-Yes?
418
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,830
HAWKEYE:
Don't call the police.
I just wanna talk.
419
00:21:12,401 --> 00:21:14,795
-Hurry up.
Don't let anyone see you.
-Nobody saw.
420
00:21:14,838 --> 00:21:18,451
You can't hang around
my door like this.
You want people to talk?
421
00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:21,367
Margaret, I came
to level with you.
422
00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:23,630
I don't think anything
could ever come of it
because we're so different,
423
00:21:23,673 --> 00:21:27,198
but something happened to us
out there, both of us.
424
00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:31,333
Maybe we cared for each other
425
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:34,554
a little bit more than either
of us would like.
426
00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:36,338
I don't see why
we can't own up to that.
427
00:21:36,382 --> 00:21:38,079
We might even turn out
to be friends.
428
00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:40,211
I don't know
what you're talking about.
429
00:21:40,255 --> 00:21:43,127
Nothing happened out there,
not a thing.
430
00:21:43,171 --> 00:21:45,521
Wait a minute, nothing
happened? Is that what
you're trying to tell me?
431
00:21:45,565 --> 00:21:47,741
Not unless you took advantage
of me while I was drunk.
432
00:21:50,004 --> 00:21:51,962
You know, for a minute,
I was afraid I might
like you too much,
433
00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:53,224
but I don't think
I have to worry.
434
00:21:53,268 --> 00:21:54,487
No, wait. Just a second.
435
00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:56,880
Here. Sit down.
436
00:22:01,624 --> 00:22:04,540
Yeah?
437
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:06,673
I think we can be friends.
438
00:22:06,716 --> 00:22:10,067
-Okay.
-I would agree to that.
439
00:22:10,111 --> 00:22:12,418
Fine. Well, I'll have my lawyer
draw up a contract.
440
00:22:13,549 --> 00:22:15,203
I'm sorry.
441
00:22:15,246 --> 00:22:17,858
I'm not a very open person
sometimes.
442
00:22:17,901 --> 00:22:19,381
Look, nothing
will be different,
443
00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:21,427
not between you and me
or you and Donald.
444
00:22:21,470 --> 00:22:24,125
I don't expect things
to be the same with Donald.
445
00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:25,692
You're not leaving him,
are you ?
446
00:22:25,735 --> 00:22:27,128
All he did was accidentally
send you a letter
447
00:22:27,171 --> 00:22:28,869
he wrote to somebody
named Darleen.
448
00:22:28,912 --> 00:22:31,132
I'm sure the one he meant
for you was just as nice.
449
00:22:31,175 --> 00:22:33,656
I'm sending him
a letter back--
450
00:22:33,700 --> 00:22:36,703
a very carefully worded
letter.
451
00:22:36,746 --> 00:22:38,922
"Dear Hank."
452
00:22:38,966 --> 00:22:40,228
Do you like "Hank"?
453
00:22:40,271 --> 00:22:42,012
Or maybe I should make it
"Dirk."
454
00:22:42,056 --> 00:22:43,536
-Or "Lance."
-"Hank" is nice.
455
00:22:43,579 --> 00:22:47,104
-"Hank" will make him crazy.
-"Dear Hank...
456
00:22:47,148 --> 00:22:51,935
"I'll never forget that night
we spent in that abandoned hut.
457
00:22:51,979 --> 00:22:55,765
"You gave me your warmth and
your caring when I was afraid.
458
00:22:55,809 --> 00:22:59,029
"And now I think,
from time to time,
when I'm afraid again,
459
00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:02,163
"I may have the courage
to let another person know it.
460
00:23:02,206 --> 00:23:04,600
"You've helped me
to grow a little.
461
00:23:04,644 --> 00:23:06,559
Thank you, Hank."
462
00:23:10,476 --> 00:23:11,999
Thank you, Darleen.
463
00:23:18,745 --> 00:23:21,400
The Swedish MASH
at Chorwon just heard
about our arterial transplants.
464
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:23,010
I don't think
I wanna hear the rest.
465
00:23:23,053 --> 00:23:24,794
You guessed it.
They want a demonstration.
466
00:23:24,838 --> 00:23:26,274
I think Pierce and Houlihan
have done their duty.
467
00:23:26,317 --> 00:23:27,754
That leaves one of you two.
468
00:23:27,797 --> 00:23:30,147
Colonel,
I refuse to run the risk
469
00:23:30,191 --> 00:23:31,801
of going through what
the two of them went through.
470
00:23:31,845 --> 00:23:34,021
They were bombed, wounded,
hounded by the enemy.
471
00:23:34,064 --> 00:23:37,067
They came back here
bloody and limping.
472
00:23:37,111 --> 00:23:39,679
Outside of one moment of glory
in the operating tent,
473
00:23:39,722 --> 00:23:42,769
the whole trip was for them
one gargantuan disaster.
474
00:23:46,903 --> 00:23:48,383
CHARLES:
What are you smiling at?
475
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:50,429
I'm not smiling.
476
00:23:50,472 --> 00:23:51,865
What are you smiling at?
477
00:23:51,908 --> 00:23:53,606
Who's smiling?
I'm not smiling.
478
00:23:53,649 --> 00:23:54,911
What are you smiling at?
479
00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:57,871
This isn't smiling.
I'm serious.
480
00:23:57,914 --> 00:23:59,394
All right.
Let's cut out the smiling.
481
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:00,961
Who's smiling?
482
00:24:03,093 --> 00:24:06,183
All right, all right.
I'll go. I'll do it.
483
00:24:06,227 --> 00:24:08,229
But when I come back,
there better not be any smiling.
484
00:24:08,272 --> 00:24:10,361
ALL: Who's smiling?
37047
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