All language subtitles for Learning to sit still with spiders Triti Maheshwari TEDx

hello everyone I'm trti maheswari the

theme for today is transformation

reimagined and according to me self

transformation is like change never seen

before we all may do the same thing but

we experience it differently we have a

different set of expectations yet the

same viness towards change

allow me to start off by describing my

strong hatred towards spiders and how

loud I would scream if I saw one right

now and it's not just literal spiders

it's metaphorical spiders too things I'm

scared to do things I'm scared to

experience things that make me want to

run away and hide in my room vashna

helped me how to handle these spiders

how to react to them and how to remain

calm now 2 years ago after after my 10th

grade boards I had regained much of my

teenage freedom I was free from the

constant revision studying and worry I

had dyed my hair purple been exhibit a

for peer pressure and most importantly I

was getting progressively bored sitting

at home and so I thought might as well

sign up for this 8-day course it'll be

mindly challenging I'll get a new

environment some peace and quiet what

could go wrong and so days passed by in

nervousness and excitement I packed the

largest suitcase I could find I packed

20 pairs of clothes toiletries blankets

umbrellas light alarm clock just about

everything imaginable I was either going

for a 6mon vacation or an 8-day course

you really couldn't tell after all the

anticipation the world I landed into was

filled with 50 teenagers surrounded by

nature and its creatures and when I say

creatures I don't mean that lightly I

was roommates with four other spiders

and had a lizard as my door guard

remember my hatred for spiders I was

absolutely petrified I couldn't sleep or

move peacefully constantly afraid of

them slowly as the days passed by I

became more accustomed to them even

naming one Benny which stuck with me

throughout the course if I saw one on my

bed I wouldn't scream or shout anymore

I'd simply wait for it to move or maybe

flick it away if I saw one crawling on

me I didn't shout like how I did before

knowing that the best way to handle this

spider would be to do so calmly now what

is vashna how does it bring about this

great change that I talk about vashna is

based of three cores Sheila which is

morality samadi which is concentration

and Pa which is wisdom these three being

the core of what vashna is now I'd like

you all to try something out with me I

want you to close your eyes leave

everything and simply breathe close your

eyes and simply breathe don't exaggerate

your breathing don't slow it down don't

fasten it just

breathe now as you breathe try to focus

on the region above your upper lip below

your nose as you keep breathing just try

to observe see what you feel maybe the

air passing through maybe a lightness

maybe itchiness maybe some buzzing

feeling maybe a funny sensation just

anything now as you breathe try to see

what you

feel keep breathing don't visualize a

feeling don't imagine a feeling just

observe what is

there all right you can open your eyes

now what you did right now is a practice

called anapana a precursor to vashna how

does it help how does it help you stay

so calm try doing it for an hour not

opening your eyes not moving around not

cracking your knuckles simply observing

now let me talk about Camp the days at

Camp started as early as 5:30 they would

wake us up with the ringing Bell and we

would start the day off in

meditation um and so we'd follow out the

meditation program for the rest of the

days one rule that we strictly had to

follow at Camp was to maintain absolute

and utter silence we couldn't make

contact with anyone not even eye contact

and it sounds so severe and so extreme

but let's compare it to when you're

writing your exam no phones no contact

with the outside world just absolute

silence why so it's so you can focus on

what you're doing and concentrate on the

task at hand breathing was all I had to

do focusing my highly distracted mind

all the while trying to fight off the

sleepiness from sitting so

still and the thing is at home I was

used to talking to someone used to being

on my phone or watching the television

it went from all sorts of loud to utter

Silence with one decision at least

before I got to be distracted acted I

had something to do here I guess I had

no choice but to listen to my mind

simply breathe and

observe so the first time I left with

not much to be proud of but a huge

respect for the process and that's why I

went seeking it one more time last year

after my 11th grade I joked about

returning enlightened the first time but

this time I had truly transformed I

packed much more sensibly leaving my

rather maximalist lifestyle behind I was

able to manage my sleep well avoiding

dozing off during sessions and yes

finally finally I was able to sit

through sessions without opening my eyes

or cracking my Knuckles or getting

restless and impatient now during the

course we would have something called a

discourse session essentially story time

with with the help of stories and

examples we are taught the values and

importance of what vashna is and why

it's

important one of these stories which

still keeps me grounded goes as one day

a well-renowned teacher is walking on

the road accidentally he kicks a peasant

Ling on the ground out of anger this man

starts insulting him starts abusing him

calling him all sorts of names this

hurts the teacher because it didn't fit

well with this image that he had of

himself in his mind he got angered by

these insults how dare someone demean me

like

that now another instance this

well-renowned teacher is walking

alongside his beloved students who look

up to

him now unfortunately once again he

kicks the man laying on the road as

expected out of anger this man starts

insulting him starts abusing him calling

him all sorts of names but the teacher

feels worse now than he did before

because this time time the image that he

tried to imprint in his students mind

was insulted he got so attached to this

Dy like Idol likee version of himself

that he was even more miserable than

before what does this teach us teach us

us that deep down we all are attached to

this unrealistic perfect versions of

ourselves that we have in our mind that

we try so hard to polish it to make it

shine that sometimes unint ially even we

expect others to uphold this image of

ourselves that any form of criticism or

insult is like an acts to that statue

and it makes us so miserable we get so

connected to this unrealistic version of

ourselves that we suddenly want a kind

of validation or we are averse to a kind

of negative comment and anytime we

encounter such Cravings or aversions we

become really miserable in

side what vashna helps you understand is

that whatever Sensations that you feel

are just a series of neuron reactions be

it lightness itchiness anger pain

happiness excitement just about

everything is just Sensations and all

you have to do is simply observe them

you don't react to them you just observe

thus breaking any connection that you

may have with them maybe it's a pleasant

sensation you simply observe it don't

form a connection of wanting more of it

or wanting it again or maybe it's an

unpleasant sensation don't create a

connection of aversion don't run away

from it don't be scared of

it now as I came out of Camp I started

noticing these metaphorical spiders

everywhere things I was scared to do

things I was uncomfortable to do things

that I just didn't want to do vashna

helped me how to remain calm how to

remain you know in my space as I did

these things to not do them worried or

scared the biggest change I found in

myself was when it came to moments of

frustrations I'm a tennis player when

not a victim of knee surgery and trust

me nothing is worse than making an

unforced error when already in a bad

point I would start cussing at myself

throw my racket on the cord bang my

racket throw all sorts of Tantrums

with vashna I was able to bring myself

back to my space of calm and Peace by

internally chanting I can see the racket

I can see the ball I can feel the racket

by simply observing the present I was

able to bring myself to it my game

Changed by heaps and Bounds I was no

longer craving the whatif of a good

point or a vered by a previous or

possible bad point I was happier playing

tennis no longer thinking thinking oh no

not tennis again I played so terribly

last time what if it happens

again another instance is when I played

the piano now I've been playing since I

was in the second grade and believe me

when I say no amount of years or

experience has helped me how vashna did

earlier whenever I made a mistake I

would start playing the piano

aggressively fast trying to take all my

frustration out with vashna my sense of

timing improved my sense of recognition

of Music got better it's almost as if I

was able to feel the music this made

music my new found Haven I developed a

new found appreciation for the art and I

don't think I have to get onto the whole

scientific impact it had on

me now the thing is this change that I

talk about it doesn't happen overnight

or over an year even because it's really

it's it's so difficult to tell yourself

to breathe to maybe tell a peer to

breathe tell somebody else to breathe

when they're just really annoyed and

angry what happens is when you sit still

for a long period of time in the same

position maybe your leg starts cramping

up your back starts cramping up you feel

itchiness someplace you have all sorts

of unpleasant Sensations and what you

train your mind to do is simply observe

them simply breathe thus program cling

your body into instinctively staying

calm at all

situations and you don't have to be

perfect at it I still have my moments

when I get really annoyed and frustrated

and the collateral damage is maybe an

argument with my dad or days when I just

can't get myself to study and that's

okay that's why I still sit down almost

every night just breathing simply

observing and I let myself have the

experience

of feeling these emotions not running

away from it having the full chance to

experience it all I have to do is simply

observe thank you

[Music]

[Applause]