Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:10,998
Brick Novax is
detective filthy Larry Gallivan
2
00:00:11,033 --> 00:00:13,768
in Unforeseen Collision.
3
00:00:15,214 --> 00:00:16,781
We are in the space
of infinity.
4
00:00:17,979 --> 00:00:19,345
Space of infinity!
5
00:00:20,481 --> 00:00:22,148
Anything is possible!
6
00:00:22,182 --> 00:00:25,485
I must warn you, I have
salt and pepper pubes.
7
00:00:26,754 --> 00:00:28,255
What's our Lady Refs motto?
8
00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:30,224
Keep it clean, keep it tight.
9
00:00:30,259 --> 00:00:31,825
Like our pussies.
10
00:00:32,025 --> 00:00:42,225
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
11
00:00:44,439 --> 00:00:46,207
Hello. I'm Ed Halligan,
12
00:00:46,241 --> 00:00:50,344
your host for tonight's episode of
Funny or Die Presents.
13
00:00:50,378 --> 00:00:53,380
If you don't know, Funny or Die
is and Internet company.
14
00:00:53,414 --> 00:00:56,716
You walk the halls here and you
see kids of all shapes and sizes
15
00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:58,651
running around,
willy-nilly,
16
00:00:58,685 --> 00:01:00,252
creating at the speed of light.
17
00:01:00,287 --> 00:01:03,255
A frenzy of free-wheeling,
colorful activity.
18
00:01:03,289 --> 00:01:06,491
Dynamic, exciting and
forward-moving.
19
00:01:07,793 --> 00:01:09,828
But you know what?
20
00:01:09,863 --> 00:01:12,565
I want to let you
in on something.
21
00:01:12,599 --> 00:01:15,368
I think about technology a lot.
22
00:01:15,402 --> 00:01:18,638
Sometimes I like to close
the door to my office,
23
00:01:18,673 --> 00:01:22,576
turn down the lights,
really let my thoughts go.
24
00:01:22,610 --> 00:01:25,245
I try to get beyond
what we do here.
25
00:01:25,279 --> 00:01:27,413
The Internet and
social networks.
26
00:01:27,448 --> 00:01:29,849
Texting and twittering
and typing.
27
00:01:29,883 --> 00:01:34,119
My mind sails on past character
streams of encoded data.
28
00:01:34,153 --> 00:01:37,088
Bytes and bits of data,
binary codes,
29
00:01:37,123 --> 00:01:38,990
codes on hyper cubes,
30
00:01:39,024 --> 00:01:42,393
systems within systems, systematically
encircling one another,
31
00:01:42,427 --> 00:01:47,265
like strange lovers lost
in abstract relationships.
32
00:01:47,299 --> 00:01:49,401
Quickly now, I race on.
33
00:01:49,435 --> 00:01:52,837
I'm entering a new space
with new symbols and sounds.
34
00:01:52,872 --> 00:01:54,439
They haven't been invented yet.
35
00:01:54,474 --> 00:01:56,075
Maybe I'm not allowed here.
36
00:01:56,109 --> 00:01:58,277
What if someone catches me?
37
00:01:58,311 --> 00:02:01,614
I hear noises never
noised before.
38
00:02:01,648 --> 00:02:04,117
Shapeless shapes
lurking in the corners.
39
00:02:04,151 --> 00:02:06,018
Technology beyond technology,
40
00:02:06,052 --> 00:02:08,020
unfolding like folding chairs.
41
00:02:08,055 --> 00:02:10,823
Snapping at me with
their metallic jaws.
42
00:02:10,857 --> 00:02:12,257
I've got to get out of here.
43
00:02:12,292 --> 00:02:16,394
My mind races on.
"Go, man go!" until...
44
00:02:16,429 --> 00:02:18,163
There it is.
45
00:02:18,197 --> 00:02:20,131
A tiny door
46
00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:26,371
with a kind of knobless knob for
a handle, all green and white.
47
00:02:26,405 --> 00:02:27,572
And then
48
00:02:28,741 --> 00:02:30,975
I'm back.
49
00:02:31,010 --> 00:02:36,047
With my carpet and my stapler and my
tie and my pictures and my gift books
50
00:02:36,081 --> 00:02:39,016
and my knickknacks
and my bowl of nuts
51
00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:41,351
and this little thing right here.
I'm not sure what it is,
52
00:02:41,386 --> 00:02:44,054
but it's here
and I'm happy about it.
53
00:02:44,089 --> 00:02:45,589
I'm back.
54
00:03:13,418 --> 00:03:16,220
Tonight
on Funny or Die Presents...
55
00:03:16,254 --> 00:03:18,555
Brick Novax's diary,
56
00:03:19,724 --> 00:03:23,561
the final episode of Lady Refs,
57
00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:26,931
the movie of the week,
Crazy Town,
58
00:03:26,965 --> 00:03:29,867
and welcome to my study.
59
00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:19,151
My name, Brick Novax.
60
00:04:27,159 --> 00:04:29,727
I'm known for two things.
61
00:04:29,761 --> 00:04:32,797
My many heroic exploits
62
00:04:32,831 --> 00:04:36,467
and my legendaryprodigious substance intake.
63
00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:39,870
Now, with two weeksleft to live,
64
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,540
I've holed up here,in the Clyde Motel
65
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:46,477
to record my memoriesand preserve my legacy.
66
00:04:46,511 --> 00:04:48,446
This is my life.
67
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:52,149
This is Brick Novax's Diary.
68
00:05:12,071 --> 00:05:14,873
Testing one, two, one, two.
69
00:05:14,907 --> 00:05:17,775
Still another entry
in my diary.
70
00:05:17,810 --> 00:05:19,810
I'm gonna talk about
some time ago
71
00:05:19,845 --> 00:05:22,112
when I was Japan's
biggest movie star.
72
00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:24,349
I had made international
headlines.
73
00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:27,051
And Brick Novax is still at large
after stealing a motorcycle
74
00:05:27,086 --> 00:05:28,887
and riding it around the world.
75
00:05:28,922 --> 00:05:31,524
Authorities believe he's living in
Tokyo's Little Kansas neighborhood.
76
00:05:31,558 --> 00:05:34,227
It's unclear.I was seen by noted Japanese film director,
77
00:05:34,261 --> 00:05:35,728
Kira Orasawa,
78
00:05:35,763 --> 00:05:37,597
who dug my outlaw style
79
00:05:37,631 --> 00:05:42,836
and immediately hired me to star in his
series of udon noodle crime dramas.
80
00:05:42,871 --> 00:05:46,006
Brick Novax is detectivefilthy Larry Gallivan
81
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,308
in Unforeseen Collision.
82
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,878
Lights! Camera! Murder!
83
00:05:53,447 --> 00:05:55,147
Parallel larceny.
84
00:05:55,181 --> 00:05:58,717
But even though I was rich beyond my
wildest dreams, mis amigos,
85
00:05:58,751 --> 00:06:00,385
one thing still plagued me.
86
00:06:00,419 --> 00:06:02,320
Bulge pinch.
87
00:06:02,354 --> 00:06:04,522
No Japanese slacks
could prevent it.
88
00:06:04,556 --> 00:06:08,793
So I poured my cash into
developing a new kind of pant.
89
00:06:08,828 --> 00:06:11,330
Brick Novax's
fake-o-flex slacks.
90
00:06:11,364 --> 00:06:13,999
Now all we had to dowas market them.
91
00:06:16,203 --> 00:06:19,706
♪ Why can't they make slacks
92
00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:23,143
♪ that help me relax?
93
00:06:23,177 --> 00:06:27,013
♪ Give me an extra inchnow it's a cinch
94
00:06:28,615 --> 00:06:31,117
♪ a no-bulge pinch
95
00:06:31,152 --> 00:06:34,321
♪ maybe some slacks that fit
96
00:06:34,355 --> 00:06:37,524
♪ showcase my bulgewithout pinching it
97
00:06:38,459 --> 00:06:41,828
♪ even a tiny little bit
98
00:06:41,862 --> 00:06:46,432
♪ I'm more legitthan Sonny Stitt
99
00:06:48,035 --> 00:06:50,870
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah
100
00:06:50,904 --> 00:06:52,471
♪ slacks!
101
00:06:52,505 --> 00:06:54,606
♪ And if you don't have a clue
102
00:06:54,641 --> 00:06:56,408
♪ slacks
103
00:06:56,442 --> 00:06:58,977
♪ well, get into some slacks ♪
104
00:06:59,011 --> 00:07:00,945
We were a worldwide smash.
105
00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:04,950
And all the proceeds went to the Novax
amalgamation for dolphin awareness.
106
00:07:04,984 --> 00:07:08,754
But then, reports came in that
people wearing fake-o-flex slacks
107
00:07:08,788 --> 00:07:10,589
began to develop a rash.
108
00:07:10,624 --> 00:07:14,527
A rash more painful than two tigers
devouring a helpless gazelle.
109
00:07:18,165 --> 00:07:21,301
The lawsuits ruined us
and, again, I was destitute.
110
00:07:21,335 --> 00:07:22,802
But you know what, champions?
111
00:07:22,836 --> 00:07:25,337
I tried to make this
world a better place.
112
00:07:25,372 --> 00:07:29,808
To this day, a pair of my slacks still
hang in the Slacksonian Institute.
113
00:07:29,842 --> 00:07:32,210
So if I have one thing
to say, it's this.
114
00:07:32,245 --> 00:07:36,947
No one knows how many ticks of the Timex
they get on this crazy, big, blue marble.
115
00:07:36,981 --> 00:07:40,851
So you got to make the most out of this
thing called life, my brothers and sisters.
116
00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:46,023
Always be yourself.
117
00:07:46,057 --> 00:07:47,291
Dream big dreams.
118
00:07:48,493 --> 00:07:51,662
And never, never
ration good times.
119
00:07:53,566 --> 00:07:57,435
♪ Be yourself
120
00:07:57,470 --> 00:08:02,540
♪ and dream big dreams
121
00:08:02,575 --> 00:08:07,812
♪ and never ration good times ♪
122
00:08:36,143 --> 00:08:38,645
Previously on Lady Refs...
123
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,382
The ref with the mulletreturned from Afghanistan.
124
00:08:41,416 --> 00:08:42,716
And now she can't keepher shit together.
125
00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:44,885
Ow!
126
00:08:44,919 --> 00:08:48,888
The ref who looks like Shane from The L Word
had experimental knee surgery.
127
00:08:48,923 --> 00:08:53,092
And the ref with the '90s scrunchie
who always looks conflicted
128
00:08:54,828 --> 00:08:57,396
used bribe money to pay for it.
129
00:08:57,430 --> 00:09:00,499
'Cause, you know,she might go gay.
130
00:09:03,336 --> 00:09:07,173
Jablonsky, no time to suffer from
post-traumatic stress disorder
131
00:09:07,207 --> 00:09:09,609
when you've got
the finals to ref.
132
00:09:09,643 --> 00:09:12,478
Come on, Kennedy,
just ref one dishonest game
133
00:09:12,513 --> 00:09:15,081
and then no one will
ever know you took a bribe.
134
00:09:15,116 --> 00:09:16,516
Hmm?
135
00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:18,051
Goddamn ACL.
136
00:09:18,085 --> 00:09:21,555
I can't believe I don't get
to ref the fucking finals!
137
00:09:21,589 --> 00:09:23,556
Ladies, big news.
138
00:09:23,591 --> 00:09:27,593
There's gonna be a scout today from
the World Cup looking for referees.
139
00:09:27,628 --> 00:09:29,228
Oh, man.
Not today.
140
00:09:29,263 --> 00:09:30,896
And, Kennedy,
141
00:09:30,931 --> 00:09:32,832
your wedding is at halftime.
142
00:09:47,414 --> 00:09:49,382
♪ If you're offsides,out of bounds
143
00:09:49,416 --> 00:09:51,017
♪ to play real roughand show them down
144
00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:52,418
♪ even you would get a bump
145
00:09:52,453 --> 00:09:54,220
♪ 'cause when I kickI kick it hard
146
00:09:54,255 --> 00:09:57,123
♪ every time you hearthe whistle go
147
00:09:57,158 --> 00:09:58,891
♪ that's me in control
148
00:09:58,926 --> 00:10:00,393
♪ we're playing sudden death
149
00:10:00,427 --> 00:10:04,164
♪ lady refs ♪
150
00:10:17,845 --> 00:10:19,279
Capisce?
151
00:10:19,313 --> 00:10:21,715
A bribe. What do I do?
152
00:10:24,085 --> 00:10:25,252
No.
153
00:10:27,789 --> 00:10:28,856
No goal.
154
00:10:28,890 --> 00:10:30,091
It was offsides.
155
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:31,892
The goal doesn't count.
156
00:10:31,926 --> 00:10:34,394
What? That wasn't offsides.
157
00:10:36,731 --> 00:10:38,532
You're out of here.
158
00:10:38,566 --> 00:10:40,534
What?
Get out of here.
159
00:10:40,568 --> 00:10:43,337
Go back to your cave,
you terrorist.
160
00:10:43,371 --> 00:10:45,706
She can't ref a game when
her head's in Afghanistan.
161
00:10:45,741 --> 00:10:47,674
Get me in there!
162
00:10:47,709 --> 00:10:49,877
Damn it!
163
00:10:49,911 --> 00:10:51,645
Kennedy, call halftime.
164
00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:52,947
Lady ref meeting.
165
00:10:52,981 --> 00:10:54,382
That's halftime.
166
00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:56,017
She just say "halftime"?
She said "halftime"?
167
00:10:56,051 --> 00:10:58,186
All right, this is my big day,
guys. It's my big day.
168
00:10:58,220 --> 00:10:59,387
Roll out the flowers please.
169
00:10:59,422 --> 00:11:00,622
We need to bring the aisles in.
170
00:11:02,292 --> 00:11:03,759
What's our lady refs motto?
171
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,961
Keep it clean, keep it tight.
172
00:11:05,995 --> 00:11:07,396
Like our pussies.
173
00:11:07,430 --> 00:11:10,366
Like our pussies.
What the fuck is wrong with you two?
174
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,502
Kennedy, you're refing
a dirty game.
175
00:11:12,536 --> 00:11:15,571
And I can't for the life of me
figure out why.
176
00:11:15,606 --> 00:11:17,239
I did it for you, okay?
177
00:11:17,274 --> 00:11:20,277
I took a $20 bribe
to save your life.
178
00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:23,413
'Cause I...
'Cause nothing.
179
00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:24,614
You're getting married.
180
00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:28,352
Jablonsky, zip me up, man.
181
00:11:31,089 --> 00:11:32,890
How can I be so stupid?
182
00:11:32,924 --> 00:11:35,359
To think that shower meant
anything to you.
183
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,000
Anything.
184
00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:50,774
Hey, what are you doing?
185
00:11:50,808 --> 00:11:53,076
I'm going after
the woman I love.
186
00:11:54,578 --> 00:11:55,711
So am I.
187
00:12:10,794 --> 00:12:11,994
No!
188
00:12:13,596 --> 00:12:14,964
I love you!
189
00:12:20,471 --> 00:12:21,738
I love you, too.
190
00:12:24,909 --> 00:12:27,777
I've had these feelings,
but I've been so scared.
191
00:12:27,812 --> 00:12:30,246
You don't have
to ever be scared again,
192
00:12:30,281 --> 00:12:32,548
'cause I'll always
be by your side.
193
00:12:33,650 --> 00:12:35,784
Hey, you've got just
the kind of balls
194
00:12:35,818 --> 00:12:38,553
that we at the world cup are
looking for in a referee.
195
00:12:41,589 --> 00:12:44,625
How would you like
to go to South America?
196
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:47,662
You bet. See you, goofy.
197
00:12:48,731 --> 00:12:49,898
You're not injured, are you?
198
00:12:49,932 --> 00:12:52,100
No. Fit as
a motherfucking fiddle.
199
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:58,274
Goodbye, Elizabeth.
200
00:12:58,308 --> 00:12:59,776
Goodbye, lady refs!
201
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,478
Hello, lady soldiers!
202
00:13:05,782 --> 00:13:08,517
Unicorns win.
Capisce?
203
00:13:08,552 --> 00:13:09,752
Capisce.
204
00:13:10,854 --> 00:13:12,421
Game on.
205
00:13:44,755 --> 00:13:46,022
Meet Jeff Baker.
206
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:48,191
Junior college professor.
207
00:13:48,226 --> 00:13:51,095
He can identify 45 differentbrands of pipe tobacco.
208
00:13:51,129 --> 00:13:52,430
Country gentleman.
209
00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:55,366
His favorite yoga pose...
The warrior.
210
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:58,303
Never sneak upon Professor Baker.
211
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,506
Oh, and by the way,
212
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,874
I'm a Leo.
213
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:06,412
Tonight's episode, "Can I Turn
in My Paper on Saturday"?
214
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,047
Excellent point.
215
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:12,418
Well, we'll talk more about Steinbeck's
The Chrysanthemums next time.
216
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:17,723
Meanwhile, remember your reports on
Madame Bovary are due tomorrow.
217
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,263
Professor Baker, can I
talk to you for a second?
218
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,231
Of course.
What is it, miss Michaels?
219
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:28,833
Well, I was hoping I could get
an extension on the paper.
220
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,669
But the paper is due tomorrow.
You knew that three weeks ago.
221
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,906
I know, I know. But I have to work tonight
and I have a History midterm tomorrow.
222
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,875
I can have it on your desk
by Saturday.
223
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:39,044
Saturday?
224
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:42,714
Saturday. When I'm
all alone in my office.
225
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,515
I get your drift.
226
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,985
I'm very flattered,
but it would be wrong.
227
00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:49,287
No, no, that's not what I meant.
228
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:52,990
I was afraid my lectures were
getting a little too spicy.
229
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:58,429
Besides, most women are
intrigued by a man with a pipe.
230
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,165
Professor Baker,
I just need an extra day.
231
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,703
You see, I'm on an academic scholarship,
so I have to maintain a "B" average.
232
00:15:05,737 --> 00:15:10,174
Sex in exchange
for a good grade.
233
00:15:10,208 --> 00:15:12,376
I vowed I would never do it,
234
00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:13,977
but we'll find out on Saturday.
235
00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:15,779
Look just need
a couple of hours.
236
00:15:15,813 --> 00:15:17,714
Can I bring it to you
by the end of tomorrow?
237
00:15:17,748 --> 00:15:20,483
Friday evening.
Even more romantic.
238
00:15:20,517 --> 00:15:24,854
Ah! I must warn you,
I have salt and pepper pubes.
239
00:15:26,056 --> 00:15:27,724
I'll just bring it
to class tomorrow.
240
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:28,958
Perfect.
241
00:15:49,213 --> 00:15:53,049
And now presenting the
world premiere of a motion picture
242
00:15:53,084 --> 00:15:55,820
produced especially
for Funny or Die.
243
00:15:55,854 --> 00:16:00,792
The movie of the week.
Tonight's movie, Crazy Town.
244
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,905
Man, this is gonna be
a great road trip, Dave.
245
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:14,773
Just me, my best friend
and the great outdoors.
246
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,875
Yeah, will,
this is gonna be great.
247
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,143
Yeah, it's gonna be...
248
00:16:19,613 --> 00:16:20,779
It's gonna be...
249
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,515
Crazy.
250
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,052
Yeah, maybe we'll
see some cool scenery.
251
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:30,623
Or maybe something crazier.
252
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,658
Like what?
A bald eagle or something?
253
00:16:32,693 --> 00:16:35,194
How about trying heroin
for the first time?
254
00:16:35,229 --> 00:16:37,597
What? Are you crazy?
Where did you get that?
255
00:16:37,631 --> 00:16:39,799
I don't know.
Who cares?
256
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,567
What are you doing?
257
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,309
Will!
258
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:03,990
Will.
259
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:08,327
Come on in, Dave.
The water's warm.
260
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,797
Water? What water?
261
00:17:10,831 --> 00:17:12,331
That water.
Huh?
262
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,305
What is going on?
263
00:17:18,339 --> 00:17:19,506
Hello, David.
264
00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:21,275
Drink this whiskey.
Let's get crazy.
265
00:17:21,309 --> 00:17:22,777
Where are we?
Just drink it.
266
00:17:22,811 --> 00:17:24,712
Okay, but... Just kidding.
That's not whiskey.
267
00:17:24,746 --> 00:17:26,113
That's liquid acid.
268
00:17:26,147 --> 00:17:27,380
What?
269
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,115
Just kidding.
That's a dead baby.
270
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:31,050
A dead...
Just kidding.
271
00:17:31,085 --> 00:17:33,185
Quick. Follow me.
272
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,057
Will?
273
00:17:41,893 --> 00:17:43,527
Kiss me.
274
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,130
Oh, God, no.
275
00:17:46,164 --> 00:17:48,432
Oh, God, stop!
276
00:17:57,642 --> 00:18:01,212
Come on in, David, and have a
cocktail with these slutty robots.
277
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:06,349
But beware of the ticklers.
278
00:18:06,384 --> 00:18:07,951
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
279
00:18:07,985 --> 00:18:09,319
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
280
00:18:09,353 --> 00:18:10,853
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
281
00:18:10,888 --> 00:18:12,688
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
282
00:18:12,722 --> 00:18:15,691
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
283
00:18:22,365 --> 00:18:23,832
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
284
00:18:23,867 --> 00:18:25,167
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.
285
00:18:25,202 --> 00:18:27,904
That's enough fun for now.
286
00:18:32,910 --> 00:18:34,811
What is this place?
287
00:18:34,846 --> 00:18:37,481
I'm hungry.
I feel like I haven't eaten in...
288
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:39,050
Fifteen years.
289
00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:42,120
You were tickled for 15 years.
290
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:44,355
Come now, we shall feast.
291
00:18:47,692 --> 00:18:50,794
Oh, God! Please, no.
292
00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,830
Will, where are you?
293
00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:01,371
Why are you doing this to me?
294
00:19:01,405 --> 00:19:03,572
You're delicious, Dave.
You really have to try some of you.
295
00:19:03,607 --> 00:19:05,408
I thought you were
my best friend.
296
00:19:05,442 --> 00:19:08,044
You wanna do
something even crazier.
297
00:19:08,079 --> 00:19:11,415
No. No!
298
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,255
Great. Where are we now?
299
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:20,091
Well, David, we are in
the space of infinity.
300
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:22,226
Space of infinity.
301
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:26,164
Where anything is possible.
302
00:19:27,899 --> 00:19:29,099
Get me out of this place.
303
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:32,169
All you have to do is
snap your fingers.
304
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:38,008
My fingers!
305
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:41,278
No, no, no.
Not like that David.
306
00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:42,813
Like this.
307
00:19:44,515 --> 00:19:46,450
Isn't this great, David?
308
00:19:46,484 --> 00:19:48,318
This really fucking hurts!
309
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,853
We can go wherever we want.
310
00:19:49,887 --> 00:19:53,357
To other dimensions,
or even travel through time.
311
00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:55,358
Well, then let's go
back in time now.
312
00:19:55,393 --> 00:19:57,628
Well, sure, David.
313
00:19:57,662 --> 00:20:01,564
We can go wherever you want!
314
00:20:08,639 --> 00:20:10,507
Uh, actually, I don't
want to go this way.
315
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,276
Do you mind if
we just go back home?
316
00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:15,345
Wherever you want to. I just want to
hang out with my best friend today.
317
00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:20,350
Hey, sorry about that, man.
I just had a bad feeling. You okay?
318
00:20:20,384 --> 00:20:22,585
Yeah, everything is...
319
00:20:26,324 --> 00:20:29,092
Bonkers!
320
00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,802
David!
321
00:20:38,836 --> 00:20:40,036
Tickle, tickle, tickle.
322
00:20:41,005 --> 00:20:44,141
Will, this isn't funny anymore!
323
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:10,936
♪ I have seen things
324
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:17,142
♪ things I just choosenot to talk about
325
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:22,781
♪ things that onlyseem to frighten
326
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:26,651
♪ and offend most everybody
327
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:30,756
♪ welcome to my study ♪
328
00:21:36,431 --> 00:21:37,598
Oh, hello.
329
00:21:38,833 --> 00:21:40,934
And welcome to my study.
330
00:21:43,004 --> 00:21:44,804
My name is Mitchell.
331
00:21:44,839 --> 00:21:46,606
And I am Stuart.
332
00:21:49,711 --> 00:21:51,778
Stuart is my study friend.
333
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,314
And he's visiting
all the way from...
334
00:21:54,348 --> 00:21:57,783
You're always welcome to enjoy
the things that I found.
335
00:22:00,053 --> 00:22:01,220
That I found.
336
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:05,291
I'm lonely and
I collect things.
337
00:22:05,326 --> 00:22:07,794
And I also collect
things as well.
338
00:22:14,069 --> 00:22:18,139
So let's see what I found
inside my study drawers.
339
00:22:23,512 --> 00:22:24,879
It's a piece of felt.
340
00:22:27,249 --> 00:22:28,549
Put it on your face...
341
00:22:28,583 --> 00:22:31,852
Well, let's see what I found
inside my travel drawers.
342
00:22:37,391 --> 00:22:38,524
It's a geode.
343
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,695
The sparkling interior
of a geode contains
344
00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:45,265
some of the most beautiful
crystals on earth.
345
00:22:45,299 --> 00:22:49,870
But how exactly they're formed
remains a mystery, even to this day.
346
00:22:53,709 --> 00:22:58,146
Well, let's see what I found
inside my study drawers.
347
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:05,254
It's just a
bunch of pieces of glass.
348
00:23:08,625 --> 00:23:10,026
My bottle is...
349
00:23:10,060 --> 00:23:12,895
Well, let's see what I found
inside my travel drawers.
350
00:23:14,899 --> 00:23:19,369
It's an ancient Roman coin.
351
00:23:19,403 --> 00:23:23,240
Over 2,000 years ago, this
coin represented a day's wages
352
00:23:23,275 --> 00:23:25,009
for a common laborer.
353
00:23:25,044 --> 00:23:29,081
But today, it is considered
far, far more valuable.
354
00:23:32,886 --> 00:23:36,990
But what do
I have in my drawers?
355
00:23:44,165 --> 00:23:45,799
It's beans.
356
00:23:46,901 --> 00:23:48,534
Beans...
But what do I have
357
00:23:48,569 --> 00:23:50,803
inside my travel drawers?
358
00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:57,075
It's a picture of my family.
359
00:24:29,241 --> 00:24:32,744
♪ I have seen things
360
00:24:34,146 --> 00:24:39,384
♪ things I just choosenot to talk about
361
00:24:40,887 --> 00:24:44,656
♪ things that onlyseem to frighten
362
00:24:44,690 --> 00:24:48,526
♪ and offend most everybody
363
00:24:48,561 --> 00:24:53,198
♪ welcome to my study ♪
364
00:25:10,117 --> 00:25:13,286
Well, that's our show for the
evening and I hope you liked it.
365
00:25:13,321 --> 00:25:16,089
I know some of you
didn't and that's okay.
366
00:25:16,124 --> 00:25:19,726
Comedy is not easy, and we all
laugh at different things.
367
00:25:19,761 --> 00:25:21,595
Some of you probably hated it.
368
00:25:21,629 --> 00:25:23,130
And now you're thinking about
369
00:25:23,164 --> 00:25:26,501
writing something in your blogs
with a lot of swear words.
370
00:25:26,535 --> 00:25:29,003
Well, you need
to take a moment.
371
00:25:29,038 --> 00:25:31,105
What's really got your goat?
372
00:25:31,140 --> 00:25:34,976
Small penis, no girlfriend,
can't hold down a job?
373
00:25:35,010 --> 00:25:37,578
Maybe God gave you
an ugly face.
374
00:25:37,613 --> 00:25:40,414
Anyway, I'm rooting
for you, ugly guy.
375
00:25:40,449 --> 00:25:43,051
Even if you do hate us.
376
00:25:43,085 --> 00:25:46,720
I guess that makes me
a lot like Jesus.
377
00:25:46,755 --> 00:25:48,288
See ya next time.
378
00:25:48,488 --> 00:25:58,688
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
28427
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof