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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,579 ♪ Nobody knows the trouble I've seen ♪ 2 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,624 -I know. -♪ Somebody knows ♪ 3 00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,539 ♪ The trouble I've seen 4 00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:04,455 This thing has knocked outmore guys than Joe Louis. 5 00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,805 The winnerand still champeen. 6 00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,851 Captain, may I be excused from this detail? 7 00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,592 My nylons are baggin' all around the knees. 8 00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:12,376 -Get bigger knees. -Corporal, 9 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,074 you're gonna have to do a better job than this. 10 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,423 I want this floor clean enough to eat off of. 11 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:16,946 That's easy. It's already cleaner 12 00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:18,382 than the tables in the mess. 13 00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:19,688 Keep scrubbing! 14 00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,124 Ah, what a festive moodpeople get in 15 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,083 -at the G.I. party. -Oh, shut up. 16 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,607 Now, Major Houlihan,I hope you and your nursesare doing a good job. 17 00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,957 We can hold up our end. Why don't you go and hold up yours? 18 00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,394 Very well. When you finishchecking that machine, check it again. 19 00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,179 Frank, how long areyou gonna be here? 20 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,658 -Ten minutes.-Wake me when he's gone. 21 00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:36,705 Those tanks aren't even connected! 22 00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,228 I told you this wasa tankless job. 23 00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:39,751 Oh, you crazy guy! 24 00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,797 Frank, go make yourself useful. 25 00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:43,581 I'm a supervisor.I don't have to be useful. 26 00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:44,930 Well, you're doing a great job. 27 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,889 Oh, go stuff a goose. 28 00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,978 Put a little elbow greaseinto that, Corporal! 29 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,240 I'm all outta elbow grease. 30 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,243 -Don't talk back to me!-Yes, sir! 31 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,550 You did that on purpose,you Lebanese lout! 32 00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:57,421 Hold it. What's goin' onhere, Burns? 33 00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:58,727 I saw the whole thing. 34 00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,294 Frank tried to eat Klinger's mop. 35 00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:03,079 Burns, I put you incharge of this detail. 36 00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,515 He's doin' a great job,Colonel. 37 00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:05,951 He's already washedhis face and his shirt. 38 00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,997 -At the same time.-Why is it taking so long? 39 00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:09,433 Well, nobody's following orders, 40 00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:10,739 and they're all grumpy. 41 00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,480 Not true.I'm Grumpy. 42 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,046 -He's Sneezy. -He's Bashful. 43 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:16,136 -She's Dopey. -Go watch your mouth. 44 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,574 Okay, just get it done.Let's all try to get along. 45 00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,924 ♪ Get along little dogie 46 00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:23,621 I had a long little doggie once. 47 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,232 -It was a dachshund. -Oh, a little hot dog. 48 00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:27,103 -What happened to him? -He got mustard out. 49 00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:30,019 I relishthese conversations. 50 00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:32,021 Oh, will you knock off the silliness? 51 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,892 Oh, knock yourself off, goofball. 52 00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,155 I was invitedto the Goof Ball, 53 00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,373 but I didn't havea thing to wear. 54 00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,201 Oh, Colonel,they're making me sick. 55 00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,681 POTTER: Me too. 56 00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,509 Please, I just mopped the floor! 57 00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:43,163 And look at it! It's filthy! 58 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,252 That's right.Criticize my work. 59 00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:47,036 I mop my heart out, and that'sall the thanks I get? 60 00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:48,864 Don't talk back to me! I'm an officer! 61 00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:50,344 But you're no gentleman. 62 00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:52,607 -Oh, can it, nurses! 63 00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:54,086 Check the surgical packs. 64 00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:56,088 Checking, checking. Checking packs like crazy. 65 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,525 MARGARET: Put a lid on it! 66 00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:58,787 It's been this way all day, sir. 67 00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,832 -No discipline. -Okay, okay. 68 00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:02,399 Let's all try to work together, 69 00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:03,618 make the best of it. 70 00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,491 I'm getting out of here. 71 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:08,971 Now you heard the Colonel. 72 00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:10,190 Have fun! 73 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,582 Yeah. 74 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,106 -Oh. -Ooh. 75 00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,325 Hi, Father! 76 00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:16,587 Any luck, Father? 77 00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:18,850 We have a winner here.I found the mail. 78 00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,722 POTTER: Bingo. You're a genius. 79 00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:21,940 Oh, not really. 80 00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,203 Mail's just in time. 81 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,813 Everybody's chewingeach other up. 82 00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,467 Oh, heavens.I have another surprise. 83 00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:29,078 Don't tell me. You got Mildred in one of your bags. 84 00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:31,515 No, Colonel.It's that movie you requested. 85 00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:32,734 Your favorite Western. 86 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:35,389 Hot damn! Things are lookin' up. 87 00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:37,391 Never mind what Itold you before! 88 00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,262 Forget the instrument packsand clean these shelves. 89 00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:40,655 They're filthy.There's dirt all over them. 90 00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:43,310 -All right.-Come on now. Step on it! 91 00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,268 Frank, if you say "Step on it" one more time, 92 00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,009 -I'll step on you.-Well, then, move it, then! 93 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,706 -Move it! -Shut up, Frank! 94 00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,230 Nurses, will you pipe down? 95 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,927 I can't hear myself yell. 96 00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:54,712 Mind your own business,Captain. I'll handle this. 97 00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:55,931 You're messing up my floor! 98 00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:59,326 Will you quit walkingon my clean floor? 99 00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:01,241 RADAR : Attention, all personnel. 100 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,939 Colonel Potterwould like to addressthe personnel personally. 101 00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,941 There you go, sir.Just keep your fingeron that button. 102 00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:09,771 Thank you, Corporal. Ahem. This is good news. 103 00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,729 I know you've been working your butts off-- 104 00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,470 Excuse me. 105 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:16,081 And you're all as itchy as a dog at a flea circus. 106 00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,389 First of all, there's mail. 107 00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:21,826 -Oh, mail! All right! -What's mail? 108 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,350 That oughta cheer you up. 109 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,265 And after supper in the mess tent, 110 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,179 I've got a big treat for everybody-- 111 00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,791 something you're all gonna love to see. 112 00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:32,097 -Gypsy Rose Lee! -Doing a fan dance. 113 00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,099 It's my kind of entertainment. 114 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:36,537 My all-time favorite movie. 115 00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:39,279 Now, I'm saving the title till show time. 116 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,150 After chow in the Mess Tent. 117 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,631 So bye-bye and buy bonds. 118 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,328 Oh, I shouldn't have said that. 119 00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:46,764 RADAR: Oh, uh, take your finger off the button. 120 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,853 -What? -They can hear what you're saying. 121 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,333 -Oh.-I'd better handle this. 122 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,292 Ahem. Uh, Colonel Potteris now finished 123 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,772 with his messageto the 4077. 124 00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,165 See, sir, if you don'ttake your finger off-- 125 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,949 -I know. I just forgot. -Oh. 126 00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:07,176 Hey, Beej, you got a pen? 127 00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:08,656 Why?Somebody mail you a pig? 128 00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,266 I need something to write with. 129 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,268 Here, try this.But I think it's out of ink. 130 00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,835 Very cute. 131 00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,271 Hey, Frank, lend me your pen. 132 00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:16,664 No, thank you, pal. 133 00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,970 -What do you mean, no? -N-O, no. 134 00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,798 -Why not?-Because you'll ruin it. 135 00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,713 The point's used to the way I write. 136 00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:23,975 It's used to stupid? 137 00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,326 Oh, stuff it in your Val-pak. 138 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,892 Hey, Hawk, guesswhat Peg sent me. 139 00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:29,459 -A pony? -No. 140 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,331 A Dutch apple crumb pie.It's delicious. 141 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,941 Try some. 142 00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,290 Mmm-mmm. 143 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:35,944 This is really crummy. 144 00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,075 Yeah, I know. 145 00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:38,207 I mean, it's awful. 146 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:39,861 What?You gotta be kidding. 147 00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:42,646 Would a dying man kid? Agh! 148 00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,822 Geez, Frank, let me havesome of that shoe polish. 149 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,346 What for? 150 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,173 I want to get this rotten taste out of my mouth. 151 00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:49,436 You have no taste. 152 00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,089 I did before I had that pie. 153 00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,395 All right,I'll eat it all myself. 154 00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,005 I'll be one of your pallbearers. 155 00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,746 Just don'tbury me in that shirt 156 00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:57,400 you brought me from Seoul. 157 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,359 You're knocking my gift? 158 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,056 I picked that shirt out myself. 159 00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,274 No wonder it's irregular. 160 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,537 What do you mean? 161 00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,974 I mean one sleeve is longer than the other. 162 00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:08,280 No, no, no, no, no. That's not true. 163 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,195 Eh. 164 00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,632 Wear it yourself. 165 00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:14,374 I will. I'm gonna put on this lovely shirt 166 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,550 and go visit the nurses in it. 167 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,203 There. 168 00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,208 Perfect. 169 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,516 Nothing wrong with this shirt. 170 00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:29,301 Creep. 171 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,609 -WOMAN: Who is it? -Quasimodo. 172 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:35,133 -What do you want?-I'm here to ring your bells. 173 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,397 -Come in. -Ladies. 174 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,137 -Hi. -Hi, Hawkeye. 175 00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,313 On behalf of the officersand gentlemen of the 4077th 176 00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,533 and myself, I cordially invite you 177 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,100 to dinner and a movie 178 00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,754 in what is accurately called the mess tent. 179 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,712 -Please R.S.V.P. In this ear.-No. 180 00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,975 This ear does not accept no for an answer. 181 00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,238 Well, I'm sorry.That's the only answerthis mouth has. 182 00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,762 Where are you going? 183 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:56,503 We've been invited to dinner at I-Corps. 184 00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:58,287 Wine, tablecloths, silverware. 185 00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,810 Pilots. 186 00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,421 What does a pilot have that I haven't got? 187 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,597 -A plane.-Why settle for a plain 188 00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:04,815 when you can have a fancy? 189 00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:06,121 We're tired of this place, 190 00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,775 and we're tired of the same people. 191 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,429 We wanna see somebody fresh for a change. 192 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,908 I've always been fresh with you. 193 00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,170 Not tonight. 194 00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,564 -What if I got on my hands and knees? -No. 195 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,827 -What if I got onyour hands and knees?-Not a chance. 196 00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:19,482 Well, I'm not gonna ask again.A man has to have some dignity. 197 00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,269 -Yes? 198 00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,401 It's me-- Frank. 199 00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:26,968 Oh, what do you want?I'm busy. 200 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,491 I wanted to talk to you. 201 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:29,884 Oh, all right. 202 00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,407 Well, I was wondering if-- 203 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:32,887 Frank, you can come in. 204 00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,497 -I can? -Yes. 205 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,499 -Really?-Oh, will you get in here? 206 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,591 Place looks just the same. 207 00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,419 You know, you look lovelyin this light. 208 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:46,030 The war's been very kindto you, Margaret. 209 00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:48,859 -Is that it? -No! 210 00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,905 I want you to sit with meat the movie tonight. 211 00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,167 Just as a friend. 212 00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,516 Just as a friend, I accept. 213 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,562 You see? Even thoughyou're engaged, 214 00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,085 we can still be civilto each other. 215 00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,739 -You're right. -And after the movie, 216 00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,697 -I can walk you back here.-That'd be nice. 217 00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,003 If it isn't too late, 218 00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,135 maybe we can playwar games like we used to. 219 00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:05,223 Frank. 220 00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:07,051 It was such fun, Margaret! 221 00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,576 You'd hide under the coversand pretend it was a tent, 222 00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,316 and I'd be a bomband drop on you. 223 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,842 Frank! You bombed out! You lost! 224 00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:17,932 And Donald Penobscott won. 225 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,632 Penobscott.What a stupid name. 226 00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:24,591 And you're gonna beMargaret Penobscott. 227 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,027 I'd like you to meetthe Penobscotts. 228 00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,811 Donald Penobscott,Margaret Penobscott, 229 00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,204 and all the littlePenobscotts-- 230 00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,945 Huey, Dewey and LouiePenobscott. Ha ha ha ha! 231 00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,686 -Frank? -Huh? 232 00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,644 I'm gonna count to 3, and if you're still here, 233 00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:36,777 I'm gonna snap off your epaulets. 234 00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:38,648 Put it away.You know how I hate that. 235 00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:39,780 -1. -You're bluffing. 236 00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,738 -3! -You skipped 2! 237 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,440 The tension is so thick in here, 238 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,920 you could cut it with a knife. 239 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,705 Not with this one. 240 00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:53,881 It's so quiet.Nobody's talking. 241 00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,622 Perhaps the entertainment tonight 242 00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,014 will improve everyone's disposition. 243 00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,494 What is the movietonight, Father? 244 00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,496 That's privileged information, B.J. 245 00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:02,150 I don't want to spoil Colonel Potter's surprise. 246 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,804 It better be good. 247 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,980 This crowd is ready tobeat up Shirley Temple. 248 00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,764 Hold it, soldier. Let me check that tray. 249 00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,810 You didn't finish your peas! 250 00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,812 They're hard as a rock, sir.They hurt my tooth. 251 00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,118 You're wasting food! Just look at that tray! 252 00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:15,772 I can't, sir.It makes me woozy. 253 00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,121 You didn't finish your meat. 254 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,427 The meat's all fat. It-- 255 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,168 Oh, no.That's the potatoes. 256 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:22,474 Don't you realize there arepeople starving in Poland? 257 00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:23,737 Here, you cansend 'em this. 258 00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,521 What's the problem now, Burns? 259 00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:27,001 Well, sir, I'm the garbage officer. 260 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,524 We all know that. 261 00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:30,439 And there's been atremendous waste of food, 262 00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:31,919 especially rutabaga,lima beans and breaded liver. 263 00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,311 Is that a surprise to you? 264 00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:34,965 Well, what if the enemygot a hold of this? 265 00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:37,011 We'd win the war. Tell you what, Burns. 266 00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:39,013 If there's any food leftthat you think is edible, 267 00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,971 you eat it. 268 00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,364 Here you go, sir. 269 00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:48,283 May I have your attention, please? 270 00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,328 I know you've been working hard all week, 271 00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,896 and you've got a case of the cranks. 272 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:55,638 I'm confidenttonight's entertainment 273 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,379 will make new men out of ya. 274 00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:59,555 Uh, except for you women. 275 00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:01,470 This movie's a classic. 276 00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:04,473 It's got the three thingsthat make a movie great: 277 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:07,868 horses, cowboys, and horses. 278 00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,784 You might've guessed. It's a Western. 279 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:13,351 It's called--now hold onto your hats-- 280 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:14,962 My Darling Clementine. 281 00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,093 Oh! 282 00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,574 Ha ha! See? You feel better already. 283 00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:20,141 Gee whiz. That's terrific. 284 00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:21,969 I haven't seen a good movie in ages. 285 00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,362 Oh, Frank, don't be childish.It's only a movie. 286 00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:27,365 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh boy!A movie! Hee hee hee! 287 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:30,412 I'm so excited, I could plotz! Ha ha! 288 00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,766 CHORUS IN MOVIE: ♪ Oh my darlin' 289 00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,421 ♪ Oh my darlin' 290 00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:40,640 --MARGARET: I've seenthis picture. 291 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,643 ♪ Oh my darlin' Clementine 292 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,429 ♪ You are lost and gone forever ♪ 293 00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:49,126 KLINGER: Ooh, Alan Mowbray. 294 00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,867 I never missan Alan Mowbray picture. 295 00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:53,217 ♪ In a cavern in a canyon 296 00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,656 FRANK:Look at all that space! 297 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,962 -There's Ward Bond! -Whoo-hoo! 298 00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,268 HAWKEYE:That's Margaret's whip! 299 00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:01,704 ♪ Forty-niner 300 00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:05,273 ♪ And his daughter Clementine ♪ 301 00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:06,796 B.J.: Who's that? 302 00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,232 HAWKEYE: Uh, Alan Mowbray. 303 00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:09,364 KLINGER: No. 304 00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:10,887 Hey, there's Alan Mowbray! 305 00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,149 B.J.:Who's that ridin' him? 306 00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,542 POTTER: That's old Henry Fonda. 307 00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:15,022 -There you go. -HAWKEYE: Hey! 308 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,677 Henry Fonda! 309 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,162 Uh-oh. 310 00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,208 -Yep. -Uh-oh. 311 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,253 There's Walter Brennan.Hee hee! 312 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,040 POTTER: Oh, yeah. 313 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,955 My name's Clanton. 314 00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:37,479 This is my boy Ike. My oldest boy. 315 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,569 Hey, is Sweetwater up beyond? 316 00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:43,180 Yeah, two, three miles straight up the trail. 317 00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:49,926 I'm ruinin' my nails! 318 00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:54,757 This film is full of splices.It's not my fault. 319 00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:55,976 ALL: 320 00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:57,804 Hold on, now.Don't leave. 321 00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,414 You're gonna missa swell movie. 322 00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,503 Tell you what.We'll fill in the time. 323 00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,287 Let's all sing.A community sing. 324 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,856 We'll have the film fixed in a jiffy. 325 00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,640 -Come on. It's fun. 326 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,381 It's also an order. 327 00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,035 -HAWKEYE: Oh, in that case.-All right. 328 00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,734 How 'bout "The TennesseeWaltz?" Okay? 329 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,736 ♪ I was waltzing 330 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,607 -Lower, lower, lower. -Too high? 331 00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:21,828 ♪ I was waltzing with my darlin' ♪ 332 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:25,832 ♪ To the Tennessee Waltz 333 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:31,402 ♪ When an old friend I happened to see ♪ 334 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:35,015 ♪ Introduced him to my true love ♪ 335 00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:38,975 ♪ And while they were dancing ♪ 336 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:42,674 ♪ My friend stole my sweetheart from me ♪ 337 00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:47,984 ♪ I remember the night... 338 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:51,509 Father Mulcahy, you should'vetaken up the harmonica. 339 00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:54,469 Yes, you're right.Colonel Potter's tryin'to keep the party going 340 00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:55,862 till the film's fixed. 341 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,124 Have fun. 342 00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:58,865 Sounds likethey're having it. 343 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,649 I got it. Here we go! 344 00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:01,737 -Lights! 345 00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:12,966 Good evenin', Mr. Clanton. 346 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,185 Good evenin'. 347 00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:19,407 Fellow with a trail herd, remember? 348 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:22,366 Oh, sure. I remember you. 349 00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:25,195 You was right. 350 00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,415 I didn't get very far with 'em. 351 00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:29,286 They was rustled this evenin'. 352 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,289 That so? 353 00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:35,727 Well, that's too bad. 354 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:44,867 Guess you'll be headin' for California, huh? 355 00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:50,830 No, I figured on sticking around a while. 356 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,310 Got myself a job. 357 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:55,660 Cowpunchin'? 358 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:57,880 Marshaling. 359 00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:02,842 Marshaling? In Tombstone? 360 00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:08,456 Well, good luck to you, Mr... 361 00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:11,198 Earp. Wyatt Earp. 362 00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:17,204 HAWKEYE: Klinger, you moron! 363 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,729 I blew the bulb. It's not my fault! 364 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,296 Who do I look like, Thomas Edison? 365 00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,037 No, you look like Mrs. Edison. 366 00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:25,386 I'll fix it. I'll fix it. 367 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:26,953 Got a good bulb here someplace. 368 00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:28,171 FRANK: Well, find it! 369 00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,957 Got an idea. Not a bad earring. 370 00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:34,003 Hit it, Father. 371 00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:41,228 ♪ A chaplain in the army has a collar on his neck ♪ 372 00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,796 ♪ If you don't listen to him you'll all wind up in heck ♪ 373 00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:49,410 ♪ Oh I don't want no more of army life ♪ 374 00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:52,892 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home 375 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,937 ♪ Oh the surgeons in the army ♪ 376 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,896 ♪ They say we're mighty bright ♪ 377 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,985 ♪ We work on soldiers through the day ♪ 378 00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,769 ♪ And nurses through the night ♪ 379 00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,947 ♪ I don't want no more of army life ♪ 380 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:08,429 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home 381 00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:12,650 ♪ Friendships in the army they say are mighty rare ♪ 382 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:16,480 ♪ So I spend all my free time carousing with my mare ♪ 383 00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,875 ♪ I don't want no more of army life ♪ 384 00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,224 Hey, hey! 385 00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:24,314 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home 386 00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:25,925 ♪ The surgeons in the army 387 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,927 ♪ Their brains they are profound ♪ 388 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,841 ♪ But we'll take chopper pilots ♪ 389 00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:31,843 ♪ They'll get you off the ground ♪ 390 00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:36,326 ♪ Oh I don't want no more of army life ♪ 391 00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:39,721 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home 392 00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:43,377 ♪ The corporals in the army you say we're really green ♪ 393 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:47,381 ♪ But if it weren't for us guys you'd be in the latrine ♪ 394 00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:51,559 ♪ I don't want no more of army life ♪ 395 00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:55,302 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home 396 00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:59,306 ♪ Oh some guys like the army I think that it's a mess ♪ 397 00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:02,962 ♪ If it's so damn terrific how come I wear a dress? ♪ 398 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,094 -Fix the projector! 399 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,966 We don't want to hear songs! We don't! 400 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,839 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home 401 00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:14,886 ♪ Oh some nurses in the army they haven't tied the knot ♪ 402 00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:18,455 ♪ But this one's gonna try it with Donald Penobscott ♪ 403 00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:23,156 ♪ I don't want no more of army life ♪ 404 00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:27,203 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go, but they won't let me go ♪ 405 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:31,120 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home 406 00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,689 I've got it! 407 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,562 HENRY FONDA AS WYATT EARP: ...sucker game, Doc. 408 00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,086 There's probably 50-- 409 00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,913 HAWKEYE: Hey, there's no sound. 410 00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:46,657 HAWKEYE: Don't blame Klinger. It's an army projector. 411 00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,311 B.J.: It's supposedto break downevery five minutes. 412 00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,531 -Like the peace talks.- 413 00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,098 It's no use. I can't get the sound. 414 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,316 Lights. 415 00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,146 How 'bout some moreentertainment? 416 00:16:57,146 --> 00:17:00,236 I know somebody who doesgreat movie star imitations. 417 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,370 No, no! 418 00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,112 Oh, okay. 419 00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,417 Um... 420 00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:08,984 okay, see if you can guess who this is. 421 00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:11,595 HAWKEYE: Radar's back. 422 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,249 POTTER:Now, leave him alone. 423 00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:14,294 Show 'em, kid. 424 00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:17,514 Well, it looks like 425 00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:19,212 you've got some people around here 426 00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,257 pretty mad at you, son. 427 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:23,216 But I'm not gonna hit ya. 428 00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:27,002 I'm not gonna hit ya. Like hell I'm not. 429 00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,050 Barbara Bel Geddes! 430 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,573 The Mills Brothers! 431 00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,836 Wrong. It's John Wayne. Ha ha! 432 00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,751 -John Wayne. -Who's John Wayne? 433 00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:39,797 Now cut that out! 434 00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:41,582 Okay, Mr. Benny! 435 00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:43,627 Rochester, 436 00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:48,067 now, how many timeshave I told ya, ya see, 437 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:52,549 never to interrupt mewhen I'm doin' the show? 438 00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:55,726 Oh, Don. Oh, Mary. 439 00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,119 Oh, Dennis. 440 00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,599 Now that's the Mills Brothers! 441 00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,253 Debra Paget. 442 00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:01,515 Now, Mr. Benny? 443 00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:04,257 Sing, Dennis! 444 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,217 ♪ Ol' Hawkeye and ol' B.J. 445 00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:09,697 ♪ They think they're pretty smart ♪ 446 00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,568 ♪ I'd like to take a scalpel ♪ 447 00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,093 ♪ And stab 'em in the heart Boy, this is fun. 448 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,270 ♪ Oh, I don't want no more of army life ♪ 449 00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:19,489 ♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home 450 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:23,102 The number in New Jerseyis KLondike 5 4433. 451 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,017 And now, for the momentno one has been waiting for: 452 00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,933 the Father Mulcahy sound-alike contest! 453 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,633 You'll need that, Hawkeye. 454 00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:35,201 My word, Hawkeye. 455 00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:38,682 This jocularity is most unseemly. 456 00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,119 -You try. 457 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,381 Me? 458 00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,384 Oh, how can you make jokes 459 00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:45,820 at a time like this? 460 00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:47,648 -Ooh. 461 00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,304 Uh, the post-op is collapsing, 462 00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:53,044 and the O.R.'s on fire. 463 00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:57,440 Uh... 464 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,183 and somebody has brokeninto the sacramental wine. 465 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,667 Oh, I'm sorry, Father. 466 00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,323 It seems that Private Simpson 467 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,890 has come downwith a case of hepatitis. 468 00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:15,806 It is the most remarkable shade of yellow. 469 00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,984 You, sir. 470 00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,813 Jocularity! Jocularity! 471 00:19:25,425 --> 00:19:28,732 Let me just say this aboutall these impersonations. 472 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:33,955 Now that is definitely the Mills Brothers. 473 00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:39,830 MAN : Hold it. Sashay back 474 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,485 and make room for our new marshal 475 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,444 and his lady fair. 476 00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:52,713 Uh, I have a car herefor four nurses, for I-Corps. 477 00:19:52,713 --> 00:19:56,107 I'll see your car and raise youHenry Fonda and Ward Bond. 478 00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:58,197 NURSE: Thank you, driver. We're staying. 479 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,155 Well, what'll I tellGeneral Armistead? 480 00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:02,026 Tell him we're watching a movie, 481 00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:04,551 with more stars than he has onhis shoulders. 482 00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:06,117 What's the picture? 483 00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:08,250 My Darling Clementine. 484 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:11,819 Oh, that's a good one.I just got a flat tire. 485 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,910 Ah-ha! Swing your partner! 486 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,085 Yippee! 487 00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:26,529 Well, by gosh. 488 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,708 -Again, with this? 489 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,580 Ladies and gentlemen, we havesomeone with us tonight 490 00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:35,538 who may not want anyoneto know she's here. 491 00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,888 The toast of two continentsand the Pink Pagoda in Seoul. 492 00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,629 I don't know if we can prevail upon her-- 493 00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,588 -Oh, sit down. -Uh-huh. 494 00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:47,724 -Hit it, Father. -Hit what? 495 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,987 Anything. 496 00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:55,602 ♪ When love comes in and takes you for a spin ♪ 497 00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:58,300 ♪ Ooh la la la 498 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,520 ♪ C'est magnifique 499 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:07,004 ♪ When every night your lover holds you tight ♪ 500 00:21:07,004 --> 00:21:08,441 ♪ Ooh la la la 501 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,620 ♪ C'est magnifique 502 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:18,929 ♪ But when one day your lover drifts away ♪ 503 00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,802 -♪ Ooh la la la - 504 00:21:21,802 --> 00:21:24,674 ♪ It is sotragique ♪ 505 00:21:25,806 --> 00:21:28,243 ♪ But when once more 506 00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:30,767 ♪ He whispers"Je t'adore" ♪ 507 00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,813 ♪ C'est magnifique 508 00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:36,120 Watch out for the stagecoach! 509 00:21:40,603 --> 00:21:42,344 Say, that's the show, folks. 510 00:21:44,738 --> 00:21:45,956 Here they come. 511 00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:55,575 Doc Holliday's with 'em. 512 00:21:55,575 --> 00:21:59,187 HAWKEYE :Uh-oh. This don't look good. 513 00:21:59,187 --> 00:22:00,580 There's gonnabe a shoot-out. 514 00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:13,114 Wait'll they get closer, ya fools. 515 00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:24,865 Phin, cover your brother. 516 00:22:46,277 --> 00:22:49,759 Look out, Doc! Look out! 517 00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,112 He's behind ya, Wyatt! Look out! 518 00:22:55,112 --> 00:22:56,679 -Ohh! 519 00:23:29,233 --> 00:23:31,801 Throw your gun down and come on out, old man. 520 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,327 Hey, we got wounded out here! 521 00:23:36,327 --> 00:23:37,981 WALTER BRENNAN AS CLANTON: My boys... 522 00:23:37,981 --> 00:23:41,289 Ike, Sam, Phin, Billy! 523 00:23:41,289 --> 00:23:43,334 WYATT EARP: They're dead. 524 00:23:43,334 --> 00:23:45,249 We got wounded in here too. 525 00:23:45,249 --> 00:23:47,251 Wounded! We got wounded! 526 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:03,093 ♪ In a cavern in a canyon 527 00:24:03,093 --> 00:24:04,965 Scalpel. 528 00:24:04,965 --> 00:24:08,229 ♪ Excavating for a mine 529 00:24:08,229 --> 00:24:11,798 ALL : ♪ Lived a miner forty-niner 530 00:24:11,798 --> 00:24:15,497 ♪ And his daughter Clementine ♪ 531 00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:19,501 ♪ Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' ♪ 532 00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:23,113 ♪ Oh, my darling Clementine 533 00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:26,987 ♪ You are lost and gone forever ♪ 534 00:24:26,987 --> 00:24:30,904 ♪ Dreadful sorry, Clementine ♪ 37904

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