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1
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♪ Nobody knows the trouble I've seen ♪
2
00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,624
-I know.
-♪ Somebody knows ♪
3
00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,539
♪ The trouble I've seen
4
00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:04,455
This thing has knocked outmore guys than Joe Louis.
5
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,805
The winnerand still champeen.
6
00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,851
Captain, may I be excused
from this detail?
7
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,592
My nylons are baggin'
all around the knees.
8
00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:12,376
-Get bigger knees.
-Corporal,
9
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,074
you're gonna have to do
a better job than this.
10
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,423
I want this floor clean
enough to eat off of.
11
00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:16,946
That's easy.
It's already cleaner
12
00:01:16,946 --> 00:01:18,382
than the tables
in the mess.
13
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:19,688
Keep scrubbing!
14
00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,124
Ah, what a festive moodpeople get in
15
00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,083
-at the G.I. party.
-Oh, shut up.
16
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,607
Now, Major Houlihan,I hope you and your nursesare doing a good job.
17
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,957
We can hold up our end.
Why don't you go
and hold up yours?
18
00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:30,394
Very well. When you finishchecking that machine,
check it again.
19
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:32,179
Frank, how long areyou gonna be here?
20
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,658
-Ten minutes.-Wake me when he's gone.
21
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:36,705
Those tanks aren't
even connected!
22
00:01:36,705 --> 00:01:38,228
I told you this wasa tankless job.
23
00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:39,751
Oh, you crazy guy!
24
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,797
Frank, go make
yourself useful.
25
00:01:41,797 --> 00:01:43,581
I'm a supervisor.I don't have to be useful.
26
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:44,930
Well, you're doing
a great job.
27
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,889
Oh, go stuff a goose.
28
00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,978
Put a little elbow greaseinto that, Corporal!
29
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,240
I'm all outta
elbow grease.
30
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,243
-Don't talk back to me!-Yes, sir!
31
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,550
You did that on purpose,you Lebanese lout!
32
00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:57,421
Hold it. What's goin' onhere, Burns?
33
00:01:57,421 --> 00:01:58,727
I saw the whole thing.
34
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,294
Frank tried to eat
Klinger's mop.
35
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:03,079
Burns, I put you incharge of this detail.
36
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,515
He's doin' a great job,Colonel.
37
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:05,951
He's already washedhis face and his shirt.
38
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,997
-At the same time.-Why is it taking so long?
39
00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:09,433
Well, nobody's
following orders,
40
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:10,739
and they're all grumpy.
41
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,480
Not true.I'm Grumpy.
42
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,046
-He's Sneezy.
-He's Bashful.
43
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:16,136
-She's Dopey.
-Go watch your mouth.
44
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,574
Okay, just get it done.Let's all try to get along.
45
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,924
♪ Get along little dogie
46
00:02:21,924 --> 00:02:23,621
I had a long
little doggie once.
47
00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,232
-It was a dachshund.
-Oh, a little hot dog.
48
00:02:25,232 --> 00:02:27,103
-What happened to him?
-He got mustard out.
49
00:02:27,103 --> 00:02:30,019
I relishthese conversations.
50
00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:32,021
Oh, will you knock
off the silliness?
51
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,892
Oh, knock yourself off,
goofball.
52
00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,155
I was invitedto the Goof Ball,
53
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,373
but I didn't havea thing to wear.
54
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:38,201
Oh, Colonel,they're making me sick.
55
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,681
POTTER:
Me too.
56
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,509
Please, I just
mopped the floor!
57
00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:43,163
And look at it!
It's filthy!
58
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,252
That's right.Criticize my work.
59
00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:47,036
I mop my heart out, and that'sall the thanks I get?
60
00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:48,864
Don't talk back to me!
I'm an officer!
61
00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:50,344
But you're no
gentleman.
62
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:52,607
-Oh, can it, nurses!
63
00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:54,086
Check
the surgical packs.
64
00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:56,088
Checking, checking.
Checking packs like crazy.
65
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,525
MARGARET:
Put a lid on it!
66
00:02:57,525 --> 00:02:58,787
It's been this way
all day, sir.
67
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,832
-No discipline.
-Okay, okay.
68
00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:02,399
Let's all try
to work together,
69
00:03:02,399 --> 00:03:03,618
make the best of it.
70
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,491
I'm getting out of here.
71
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:08,971
Now you heard the Colonel.
72
00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:10,190
Have fun!
73
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,582
Yeah.
74
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,106
-Oh.
-Ooh.
75
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,325
Hi, Father!
76
00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:16,587
Any luck, Father?
77
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:18,850
We have a winner here.I found the mail.
78
00:03:18,850 --> 00:03:20,722
POTTER: Bingo.
You're a genius.
79
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:21,940
Oh, not really.
80
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,203
Mail's just in time.
81
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,813
Everybody's chewingeach other up.
82
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,467
Oh, heavens.I have another surprise.
83
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:29,078
Don't tell me.
You got Mildred
in one of your bags.
84
00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:31,515
No, Colonel.It's that movie you requested.
85
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:32,734
Your favorite Western.
86
00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:35,389
Hot damn!
Things are lookin' up.
87
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:37,391
Never mind what Itold you before!
88
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,262
Forget the instrument packsand clean these shelves.
89
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:40,655
They're filthy.There's dirt all over them.
90
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:43,310
-All right.-Come on now. Step on it!
91
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,268
Frank, if you say
"Step on it" one more time,
92
00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,009
-I'll step on you.-Well, then, move it, then!
93
00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,706
-Move it!
-Shut up, Frank!
94
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,230
Nurses,
will you pipe down?
95
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,927
I can't hear myself
yell.
96
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:54,712
Mind your own business,Captain. I'll handle this.
97
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:55,931
You're messing up my floor!
98
00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:59,326
Will you quit walkingon my clean floor?
99
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:01,241
RADAR : Attention, all personnel.
100
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,939
Colonel Potterwould like to addressthe personnel personally.
101
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,941
There you go, sir.Just keep your fingeron that button.
102
00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:09,771
Thank you, Corporal.
Ahem. This is good news.
103
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,729
I know you've been
working your butts off--
104
00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,470
Excuse me.
105
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:16,081
And you're all as itchy
as a dog at a flea circus.
106
00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,389
First of all, there's mail.
107
00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:21,826
-Oh, mail! All right!
-What's mail?
108
00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,350
That oughta cheer you up.
109
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,265
And after supper
in the mess tent,
110
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,179
I've got a big treat
for everybody--
111
00:04:27,179 --> 00:04:29,791
something you're all
gonna love to see.
112
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:32,097
-Gypsy Rose Lee!
-Doing a fan dance.
113
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:34,099
It's my kind
of entertainment.
114
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:36,537
My all-time favorite movie.
115
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:39,279
Now, I'm saving the title
till show time.
116
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,150
After chow in
the Mess Tent.
117
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,631
So bye-bye
and buy bonds.
118
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,328
Oh, I shouldn't
have said that.
119
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:46,764
RADAR: Oh, uh, take your finger off the button.
120
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,853
-What? -They can hear what you're saying.
121
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,333
-Oh.-I'd better handle this.
122
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,292
Ahem. Uh, Colonel Potteris now finished
123
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,772
with his messageto the 4077.
124
00:04:54,772 --> 00:04:56,165
See, sir, if you don'ttake your finger off--
125
00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,949
-I know. I just forgot.
-Oh.
126
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:07,176
Hey, Beej, you got a pen?
127
00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:08,656
Why?Somebody mail you a pig?
128
00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,266
I need something
to write with.
129
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,268
Here, try this.But I think it's out of ink.
130
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,835
Very cute.
131
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,271
Hey, Frank,
lend me your pen.
132
00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:16,664
No, thank you, pal.
133
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,970
-What do you mean, no?
-N-O, no.
134
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,798
-Why not?-Because you'll ruin it.
135
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,713
The point's used to
the way I write.
136
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:23,975
It's used to stupid?
137
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,326
Oh, stuff it in your Val-pak.
138
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,892
Hey, Hawk, guesswhat Peg sent me.
139
00:05:27,892 --> 00:05:29,459
-A pony?
-No.
140
00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:31,331
A Dutch apple crumb pie.It's delicious.
141
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,941
Try some.
142
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,290
Mmm-mmm.
143
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:35,944
This is really crummy.
144
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,075
Yeah, I know.
145
00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:38,207
I mean, it's awful.
146
00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:39,861
What?You gotta be kidding.
147
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:42,646
Would a dying man kid?
Agh!
148
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,822
Geez, Frank, let me havesome of that shoe polish.
149
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,346
What for?
150
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,173
I want to get this rotten
taste out of my mouth.
151
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:49,436
You have no taste.
152
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,089
I did before
I had that pie.
153
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,395
All right,I'll eat it all myself.
154
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,005
I'll be one of
your pallbearers.
155
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:55,746
Just don'tbury me in that shirt
156
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:57,400
you brought me from Seoul.
157
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,359
You're knocking
my gift?
158
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,056
I picked that
shirt out myself.
159
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,274
No wonder it's irregular.
160
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,537
What do you mean?
161
00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,974
I mean one sleeve is
longer than the other.
162
00:06:05,974 --> 00:06:08,280
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not true.
163
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,195
Eh.
164
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,632
Wear it yourself.
165
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:14,374
I will. I'm gonna put on
this lovely shirt
166
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,550
and go visit
the nurses in it.
167
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,203
There.
168
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,208
Perfect.
169
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,516
Nothing wrong
with this shirt.
170
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:29,301
Creep.
171
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,609
-WOMAN: Who is it?
-Quasimodo.
172
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:35,133
-What do you want?-I'm here to ring your bells.
173
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,397
-Come in.
-Ladies.
174
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,137
-Hi.
-Hi, Hawkeye.
175
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,313
On behalf of the officersand gentlemen of the 4077th
176
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:43,533
and myself,
I cordially invite you
177
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,100
to dinner and a movie
178
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,754
in what is accurately
called the mess tent.
179
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,712
-Please R.S.V.P. In this ear.-No.
180
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,975
This ear does not accept
no for an answer.
181
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:53,238
Well, I'm sorry.That's the only answerthis mouth has.
182
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,762
Where are you going?
183
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:56,503
We've been invited
to dinner at I-Corps.
184
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:58,287
Wine, tablecloths, silverware.
185
00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,810
Pilots.
186
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,421
What does a pilot have
that I haven't got?
187
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,597
-A plane.-Why settle for a plain
188
00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:04,815
when you can have a fancy?
189
00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:06,121
We're
tired of this place,
190
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,775
and we're tired
of the same people.
191
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,429
We wanna see somebody
fresh for a change.
192
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,908
I've always been
fresh with you.
193
00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,170
Not tonight.
194
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,564
-What if I got on
my hands and knees?
-No.
195
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,827
-What if I got onyour hands and knees?-Not a chance.
196
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:19,482
Well, I'm not gonna ask again.A man has to have some dignity.
197
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,269
-Yes?
198
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,401
It's me-- Frank.
199
00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:26,968
Oh, what do you want?I'm busy.
200
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,491
I wanted
to talk to you.
201
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:29,884
Oh, all right.
202
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:31,407
Well,
I was wondering if--
203
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:32,887
Frank, you can come in.
204
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,497
-I can?
-Yes.
205
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,499
-Really?-Oh, will you get in here?
206
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,591
Place looks just the same.
207
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,419
You know, you look lovelyin this light.
208
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:46,030
The war's been very kindto you, Margaret.
209
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:48,859
-Is that it?
-No!
210
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,905
I want you to sit with meat the movie tonight.
211
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,167
Just as a friend.
212
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,516
Just as a friend, I accept.
213
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,562
You see? Even thoughyou're engaged,
214
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,085
we can still be civilto each other.
215
00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,739
-You're right.
-And after the movie,
216
00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,697
-I can walk you back here.-That'd be nice.
217
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,003
If it isn't too late,
218
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,135
maybe we can playwar games like we used to.
219
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:05,223
Frank.
220
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:07,051
It was such fun, Margaret!
221
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:09,576
You'd hide under the coversand pretend it was a tent,
222
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,316
and I'd be a bomband drop on you.
223
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,842
Frank! You bombed out!
You lost!
224
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:17,932
And Donald Penobscott won.
225
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,632
Penobscott.What a stupid name.
226
00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:24,591
And you're gonna beMargaret Penobscott.
227
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,027
I'd like you to meetthe Penobscotts.
228
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,811
Donald Penobscott,Margaret Penobscott,
229
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:29,204
and all the littlePenobscotts--
230
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,945
Huey, Dewey and LouiePenobscott. Ha ha ha ha!
231
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,686
-Frank?
-Huh?
232
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,644
I'm gonna count to 3,
and if you're still here,
233
00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:36,777
I'm gonna snap off
your epaulets.
234
00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:38,648
Put it away.You know how I hate that.
235
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:39,780
-1.
-You're bluffing.
236
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,738
-3!
-You skipped 2!
237
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,440
The tension is
so thick in here,
238
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,920
you could cut it
with a knife.
239
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,705
Not with this one.
240
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:53,881
It's so quiet.Nobody's talking.
241
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,622
Perhaps the entertainment
tonight
242
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:57,014
will improve
everyone's disposition.
243
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,494
What is the movietonight, Father?
244
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,496
That's privileged
information, B.J.
245
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:02,150
I don't want to spoil
Colonel Potter's surprise.
246
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,804
It better be good.
247
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,980
This crowd is ready tobeat up Shirley Temple.
248
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:07,764
Hold it, soldier.
Let me check that tray.
249
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,810
You didn't finish
your peas!
250
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,812
They're hard as a rock, sir.They hurt my tooth.
251
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,118
You're wasting food!
Just look at that tray!
252
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:15,772
I can't, sir.It makes me woozy.
253
00:09:15,772 --> 00:09:17,121
You didn't finish
your meat.
254
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,427
The meat's all fat. It--
255
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,168
Oh, no.That's the potatoes.
256
00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:22,474
Don't you realize there arepeople starving in Poland?
257
00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:23,737
Here, you cansend 'em this.
258
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,521
What's the problem
now, Burns?
259
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:27,001
Well, sir, I'm the
garbage officer.
260
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,524
We all know that.
261
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:30,439
And there's been atremendous waste of food,
262
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:31,919
especially rutabaga,lima beans and breaded liver.
263
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,311
Is that a surprise
to you?
264
00:09:33,311 --> 00:09:34,965
Well, what if the enemygot a hold of this?
265
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:37,011
We'd win the war.
Tell you what, Burns.
266
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:39,013
If there's any food leftthat you think is edible,
267
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:40,971
you eat it.
268
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,364
Here you go, sir.
269
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:48,283
May I have your
attention, please?
270
00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:50,328
I know you've been
working hard all week,
271
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,896
and you've got a
case of the cranks.
272
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:55,638
I'm confidenttonight's entertainment
273
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,379
will make new men out of ya.
274
00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:59,555
Uh, except for you women.
275
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:01,470
This movie's a classic.
276
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:04,473
It's got the three thingsthat make a movie great:
277
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:07,868
horses, cowboys, and horses.
278
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,784
You might've guessed.
It's a Western.
279
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:13,351
It's called--now hold onto your hats--
280
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:14,962
My Darling Clementine.
281
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,093
Oh!
282
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,574
Ha ha! See?
You feel better already.
283
00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:20,141
Gee whiz. That's terrific.
284
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:21,969
I haven't seen
a good movie in ages.
285
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,362
Oh, Frank, don't be childish.It's only a movie.
286
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:27,365
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh boy!A movie! Hee hee hee!
287
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:30,412
I'm so excited,
I could plotz! Ha ha!
288
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,766
CHORUS IN MOVIE:
♪ Oh my darlin'
289
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,421
♪ Oh my darlin'
290
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:40,640
--MARGARET: I've seenthis picture.
291
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,643
♪ Oh my darlin' Clementine
292
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,429
♪ You are lost
and gone forever ♪
293
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:49,126
KLINGER: Ooh, Alan Mowbray.
294
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:50,867
I never missan Alan Mowbray picture.
295
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:53,217
♪ In a cavern in a canyon
296
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,656
FRANK:Look at all that space!
297
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,962
-There's Ward Bond!
-Whoo-hoo!
298
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,268
HAWKEYE:That's Margaret's whip!
299
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:01,704
♪ Forty-niner
300
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:05,273
♪ And his daughter
Clementine ♪
301
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:06,796
B.J.: Who's that?
302
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,232
HAWKEYE:
Uh, Alan Mowbray.
303
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:09,364
KLINGER: No.
304
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:10,887
Hey, there's Alan Mowbray!
305
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,149
B.J.:Who's that ridin' him?
306
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,542
POTTER: That's old
Henry Fonda.
307
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:15,022
-There you go.
-HAWKEYE: Hey!
308
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,677
Henry Fonda!
309
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,162
Uh-oh.
310
00:11:25,162 --> 00:11:27,208
-Yep.
-Uh-oh.
311
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,253
There's Walter Brennan.Hee hee!
312
00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,040
POTTER: Oh, yeah.
313
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,955
My name's Clanton.
314
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:37,479
This is my boy Ike. My oldest boy.
315
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,569
Hey, is Sweetwater
up beyond?
316
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:43,180
Yeah, two, three miles straight up the trail.
317
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:49,926
I'm ruinin' my nails!
318
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:54,757
This film is full of splices.It's not my fault.
319
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:55,976
ALL:
320
00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:57,804
Hold on, now.Don't leave.
321
00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,414
You're gonna missa swell movie.
322
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,503
Tell you what.We'll fill in the time.
323
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,287
Let's all sing.A community sing.
324
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,856
We'll have the film
fixed in a jiffy.
325
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,640
-Come on. It's fun.
326
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,381
It's also an order.
327
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,035
-HAWKEYE: Oh, in that case.-All right.
328
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,734
How 'bout "The TennesseeWaltz?" Okay?
329
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,736
♪ I was waltzing
330
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,607
-Lower, lower, lower.
-Too high?
331
00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:21,828
♪ I was waltzing
with my darlin' ♪
332
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:25,832
♪ To the Tennessee Waltz
333
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:31,402
♪ When an old friend
I happened to see ♪
334
00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:35,015
♪ Introduced him
to my true love ♪
335
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:38,975
♪ And while they
were dancing ♪
336
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:42,674
♪ My friend stole my
sweetheart from me ♪
337
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:47,984
♪ I remember the night...
338
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:51,509
Father Mulcahy, you should'vetaken up the harmonica.
339
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:54,469
Yes, you're right.Colonel Potter's tryin'to keep the party going
340
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:55,862
till the film's fixed.
341
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,124
Have fun.
342
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:58,865
Sounds likethey're having it.
343
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,649
I got it. Here we go!
344
00:13:00,649 --> 00:13:01,737
-Lights!
345
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:12,966
Good evenin', Mr. Clanton.
346
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,185
Good evenin'.
347
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:19,407
Fellow with a trail herd, remember?
348
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:22,366
Oh, sure. I remember you.
349
00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:25,195
You was right.
350
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,415
I didn't get very
far with 'em.
351
00:13:27,415 --> 00:13:29,286
They was rustled
this evenin'.
352
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,289
That so?
353
00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:35,727
Well, that's too bad.
354
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:44,867
Guess you'll be headin'
for California, huh?
355
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:50,830
No, I figured on
sticking around a while.
356
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,310
Got myself a job.
357
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:55,660
Cowpunchin'?
358
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:57,880
Marshaling.
359
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:02,842
Marshaling?
In Tombstone?
360
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:08,456
Well, good luck
to you, Mr...
361
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:11,198
Earp.
Wyatt Earp.
362
00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:17,204
HAWKEYE:
Klinger, you moron!
363
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,729
I blew the bulb.
It's not my fault!
364
00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,296
Who do I look like,
Thomas Edison?
365
00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,037
No, you look like
Mrs. Edison.
366
00:14:24,037 --> 00:14:25,386
I'll fix it.
I'll fix it.
367
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:26,953
Got a good bulb
here someplace.
368
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:28,171
FRANK: Well, find it!
369
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,957
Got an idea.
Not a bad earring.
370
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:34,003
Hit it, Father.
371
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:41,228
♪ A chaplain in the army has a collar on his neck ♪
372
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,796
♪ If you don't listen to him you'll all wind up in heck ♪
373
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:49,410
♪ Oh I don't want no
more of army life ♪
374
00:14:49,410 --> 00:14:52,892
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home
375
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,937
♪ Oh the surgeons
in the army ♪
376
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,896
♪ They say
we're mighty bright ♪
377
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,985
♪ We work on soldiers
through the day ♪
378
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,769
♪ And nurses
through the night ♪
379
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,947
♪ I don't want no more of army life ♪
380
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:08,429
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home
381
00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:12,650
♪ Friendships in the army they say are mighty rare ♪
382
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:16,480
♪ So I spend all my free time carousing with my mare ♪
383
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,875
♪ I don't want no
more of army life ♪
384
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,224
Hey, hey!
385
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:24,314
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home
386
00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:25,925
♪ The surgeons in the army
387
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,927
♪ Their brains
they are profound ♪
388
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,841
♪ But we'll take
chopper pilots ♪
389
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:31,843
♪ They'll get you
off the ground ♪
390
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:36,326
♪ Oh I don't want no
more of army life ♪
391
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:39,721
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home
392
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:43,377
♪ The corporals in the army you say we're really green ♪
393
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:47,381
♪ But if it weren't for us guys you'd be in the latrine ♪
394
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:51,559
♪ I don't want no more of army life ♪
395
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:55,302
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home
396
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:59,306
♪ Oh some guys like the army I think that it's a mess ♪
397
00:15:59,306 --> 00:16:02,962
♪ If it's so damn terrific how come I wear a dress? ♪
398
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,094
-Fix the projector!
399
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,966
We don't want to hear
songs! We don't!
400
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:10,839
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home
401
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:14,886
♪ Oh some nurses in the army they haven't tied the knot ♪
402
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:18,455
♪ But this one's gonna try it with Donald Penobscott ♪
403
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:23,156
♪ I don't want no
more of army life ♪
404
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:27,203
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go, but they won't let me go ♪
405
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:31,120
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home
406
00:16:32,817 --> 00:16:34,689
I've got it!
407
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,562
HENRY FONDA AS WYATT EARP: ...sucker game, Doc.
408
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,086
There's probably 50--
409
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,913
HAWKEYE:
Hey, there's no sound.
410
00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:46,657
HAWKEYE:
Don't blame Klinger.
It's an army projector.
411
00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,311
B.J.: It's supposedto break downevery five minutes.
412
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,531
-Like the peace talks.-
413
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,098
It's no use.
I can't get the sound.
414
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,316
Lights.
415
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,146
How 'bout some moreentertainment?
416
00:16:57,146 --> 00:17:00,236
I know somebody who doesgreat movie star imitations.
417
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,370
No, no!
418
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,112
Oh, okay.
419
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,417
Um...
420
00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:08,984
okay, see if you can
guess who this is.
421
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:11,595
HAWKEYE:
Radar's back.
422
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,249
POTTER:Now, leave him alone.
423
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:14,294
Show 'em, kid.
424
00:17:15,947 --> 00:17:17,514
Well, it looks like
425
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:19,212
you've got some people
around here
426
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,257
pretty mad at you, son.
427
00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:23,216
But I'm not gonna hit ya.
428
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:27,002
I'm not gonna hit ya.
Like hell I'm not.
429
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:31,050
Barbara Bel Geddes!
430
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,573
The Mills Brothers!
431
00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,836
Wrong. It's John Wayne. Ha ha!
432
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,751
-John Wayne.
-Who's John Wayne?
433
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:39,797
Now cut that out!
434
00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:41,582
Okay, Mr. Benny!
435
00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:43,627
Rochester,
436
00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:48,067
now, how many timeshave I told ya, ya see,
437
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:52,549
never to interrupt mewhen I'm doin' the show?
438
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:55,726
Oh, Don. Oh, Mary.
439
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,119
Oh, Dennis.
440
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,599
Now that's the
Mills Brothers!
441
00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,253
Debra Paget.
442
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:01,515
Now, Mr. Benny?
443
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:04,257
Sing, Dennis!
444
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,217
♪ Ol' Hawkeye and ol' B.J.
445
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:09,697
♪ They think they're pretty smart ♪
446
00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,568
♪ I'd like to take a scalpel ♪
447
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,093
♪ And stab 'em in the heart Boy, this is fun.
448
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,270
♪ Oh, I don't want no more of army life ♪
449
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:19,489
♪ Gee, Mom, I wanna go home
450
00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:23,102
The number in New Jerseyis KLondike 5 4433.
451
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,017
And now, for the momentno one has been waiting for:
452
00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,933
the Father Mulcahy
sound-alike contest!
453
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:32,633
You'll need that, Hawkeye.
454
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:35,201
My word, Hawkeye.
455
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:38,682
This jocularity
is most unseemly.
456
00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,119
-You try.
457
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,381
Me?
458
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,384
Oh, how can you make jokes
459
00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:45,820
at a time like this?
460
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:47,648
-Ooh.
461
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,304
Uh, the post-op is collapsing,
462
00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:53,044
and the O.R.'s on fire.
463
00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:57,440
Uh...
464
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,183
and somebody has brokeninto the sacramental wine.
465
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,667
Oh, I'm sorry, Father.
466
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,323
It seems that Private Simpson
467
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,890
has come downwith a case of hepatitis.
468
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:15,806
It is the most remarkable
shade of yellow.
469
00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:19,984
You, sir.
470
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,813
Jocularity! Jocularity!
471
00:19:25,425 --> 00:19:28,732
Let me just say this aboutall these impersonations.
472
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:33,955
Now that is definitely
the Mills Brothers.
473
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:39,830
MAN : Hold it. Sashay back
474
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,485
and make room for our new marshal
475
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,444
and his lady fair.
476
00:19:49,579 --> 00:19:52,713
Uh, I have a car herefor four nurses, for I-Corps.
477
00:19:52,713 --> 00:19:56,107
I'll see your car and raise youHenry Fonda and Ward Bond.
478
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:58,197
NURSE: Thank you, driver.
We're staying.
479
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,155
Well, what'll I tellGeneral Armistead?
480
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:02,026
Tell him we're
watching a movie,
481
00:20:02,026 --> 00:20:04,551
with more stars than he has onhis shoulders.
482
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:06,117
What's the picture?
483
00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:08,250
My Darling Clementine.
484
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:11,819
Oh, that's a good one.I just got a flat tire.
485
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,910
Ah-ha! Swing your partner!
486
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,085
Yippee!
487
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:26,529
Well, by gosh.
488
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,708
-Again, with this?
489
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,580
Ladies and gentlemen, we havesomeone with us tonight
490
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:35,538
who may not want anyoneto know she's here.
491
00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,888
The toast of two continentsand the Pink Pagoda in Seoul.
492
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,629
I don't know if we can
prevail upon her--
493
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,588
-Oh, sit down.
-Uh-huh.
494
00:20:46,027 --> 00:20:47,724
-Hit it, Father.
-Hit what?
495
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,987
Anything.
496
00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:55,602
♪ When love comes in and takes you for a spin ♪
497
00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:58,300
♪ Ooh la la la
498
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,520
♪ C'est magnifique
499
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:07,004
♪ When every night your lover holds you tight ♪
500
00:21:07,004 --> 00:21:08,441
♪ Ooh la la la
501
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,620
♪ C'est magnifique
502
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:18,929
♪ But when one day your lover drifts away ♪
503
00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,802
-♪ Ooh la la la -
504
00:21:21,802 --> 00:21:24,674
♪ It is sotragique ♪
505
00:21:25,806 --> 00:21:28,243
♪ But when once more
506
00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:30,767
♪ He whispers"Je t'adore" ♪
507
00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,813
♪ C'est magnifique
508
00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:36,120
Watch out
for the stagecoach!
509
00:21:40,603 --> 00:21:42,344
Say, that's the show, folks.
510
00:21:44,738 --> 00:21:45,956
Here they come.
511
00:21:53,486 --> 00:21:55,575
Doc Holliday's with 'em.
512
00:21:55,575 --> 00:21:59,187
HAWKEYE :Uh-oh. This don't look good.
513
00:21:59,187 --> 00:22:00,580
There's gonnabe a shoot-out.
514
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:13,114
Wait'll they get closer, ya fools.
515
00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:24,865
Phin, cover your brother.
516
00:22:46,277 --> 00:22:49,759
Look out, Doc! Look out!
517
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,112
He's behind ya, Wyatt! Look out!
518
00:22:55,112 --> 00:22:56,679
-Ohh!
519
00:23:29,233 --> 00:23:31,801
Throw your gun down and come on out, old man.
520
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,327
Hey, we got wounded
out here!
521
00:23:36,327 --> 00:23:37,981
WALTER BRENNAN AS CLANTON: My boys...
522
00:23:37,981 --> 00:23:41,289
Ike, Sam, Phin, Billy!
523
00:23:41,289 --> 00:23:43,334
WYATT EARP: They're dead.
524
00:23:43,334 --> 00:23:45,249
We got wounded in here too.
525
00:23:45,249 --> 00:23:47,251
Wounded!
We got wounded!
526
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:03,093
♪ In a cavern in a canyon
527
00:24:03,093 --> 00:24:04,965
Scalpel.
528
00:24:04,965 --> 00:24:08,229
♪ Excavating for a mine
529
00:24:08,229 --> 00:24:11,798
ALL : ♪ Lived a miner forty-niner
530
00:24:11,798 --> 00:24:15,497
♪ And his daughter
Clementine ♪
531
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:19,501
♪ Oh, my darlin',
oh, my darlin' ♪
532
00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:23,113
♪ Oh, my darling Clementine
533
00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:26,987
♪ You are lost
and gone forever ♪
534
00:24:26,987 --> 00:24:30,904
♪ Dreadful sorry,
Clementine ♪
37904
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