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1
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:54,924
31, 35, 40,
2
00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:59,494
45, 50, 55,
3
00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:03,324
60, 65, 70,
4
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,413
7-- 71.
5
00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:07,589
-71. Beat that.
-Aw, 71.
6
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:10,331
-Come on. Beat it.
-That's nothin'.
You watch this.
7
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:14,248
-Ready? One.
8
00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:19,122
What'd you do,
change balls on me?
9
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:21,864
-What's the announcement, Radar?
-It's a lecture.
10
00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:24,693
Colonel Blake's gonna tell us
everything he knows about sex.
11
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:27,304
That should be an
enjoyable 60 seconds.
12
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,263
Look at this. No eyes.
13
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,487
Good afternoon, men.
14
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:39,664
Now, first of all, let me
thank all of you in advance
15
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:42,972
for what I know
will be your full
and undivided attention.
16
00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:50,893
The topic for today has
to do with the subject of sex.
17
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,377
All right, all right.
Now let's not go gaga.
18
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:59,902
Sex happens to be one of the
most important things in life
19
00:01:59,945 --> 00:02:02,687
inasmuch as each one of us is
one or the other gender of it
20
00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:05,647
once we're born, which is the
direct result of the act of it.
21
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:06,952
Sir?
22
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:10,739
Uh, we'll have questions
after the lecture.
23
00:02:10,782 --> 00:02:12,958
What about answers?
24
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:17,180
I was just wondering,
should I roll down the flaps
so the nurses don't hear?
25
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:20,270
Radar, all the nurses
have heard about sex.
26
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,490
-I know I've been
spreading the word.
-Shut your face!
27
00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:25,623
-Kiss me.
-HENRY: Okay, now.
28
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:28,844
Uh, the aspect of today's
subject that I'm going
to delve on
29
00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:31,716
is the U.S. Army's
contribution to birth control.
30
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,631
I knew they were gonna
ask for contributions.
31
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,242
I gave at the office.
32
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:40,551
Uh, now each of us here
knows why, uh...
33
00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:41,813
he is in Korea.
34
00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,468
HENRY:
Major Burns.
35
00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,166
We are here to stem
the red tide,
36
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:48,472
to finish up the Commies
once and for all.
37
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:51,432
Anyone with half a mind knows,
as I do, that, after Germany,
38
00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:54,261
we should've knocked out
the Russkies,
then clobbered the Chinese
39
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:57,351
before they forced
Chiang Kai-shek
and his very beautiful wife
40
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,440
off the mainland.
41
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:02,617
To which I, for one, say
they should be unleashed
42
00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:05,141
so that they can liberate
the real Chinese people
43
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,230
and restore the government
that America's paid
44
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:09,798
so many millions of
dollars to help get.
45
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:14,368
Sir. I thought the
lecture was on sex.
46
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:17,022
I didn't iron my
dress to talk politics.
47
00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:18,502
-Sit down, Klinger.
-Now listen, Corporal!
48
00:03:18,546 --> 00:03:21,157
You, too, Frank.
49
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,246
Now, we're in Korea
by order of the U.N.,
50
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,248
along with 17 other nations,
51
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:28,686
to try to stabilize this country
politically and militarily.
52
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:31,515
We are not here
to add to the population.
53
00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:34,344
The one thing they don't need
in Asia is more Asians.
54
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:40,524
Many of you have heard me
speak on reproduction and V.D.
55
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,831
I've got both
your albums.
56
00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,268
But today's subject
is much more important.
57
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,488
Now, this country
is on its can.
58
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,925
There's not enough food,
housing, schools.
59
00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:52,144
You name it,
they haven't got it.
60
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:54,669
So don't add to its problems.
61
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:57,846
Now, uh, when you're
shipped home,
62
00:03:57,889 --> 00:04:00,501
just make sure that you don't
leave any little time bombs
63
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:02,633
that are gonna go
off nine months later.
64
00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:06,507
Now, I know you're only human.
65
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:09,771
Present company
excepted.
66
00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:12,774
We don't expect you
to behave like monks.
67
00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,558
The army just wants
you to be careful
68
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:17,344
so that you don't leave
behind any little "monklets."
69
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,784
MAN :
Attention, all personnel.
70
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:26,353
See the bulletin board
for details on the payroll
savings plan.
71
00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:29,225
Buy a bond
for 25, 50 or 100.
72
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:33,011
Bet America
to win, place or show.
73
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,405
Come on. Don't be slackers.
Join in. Sign up.
74
00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:37,842
-I forgot my name.
-Amnesia.
75
00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:40,236
Happens every time somebody
wants me to invest in a war.
76
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,325
Well, bullets cost bucks,
mister.
77
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,022
I'd like that tattooed
on my thigh.
78
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:46,373
You're both a blemish on
the record of this unit.
79
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:48,810
I'm gonna do something to get
rid of the blemishes tonight.
80
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,942
Uh, ach, du lieber.
81
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,772
You get the feeling
Frank's one war behind?
82
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,992
Did you see
this announcement?
83
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,736
-Frank? You alone?
84
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:07,132
Where are they?
85
00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,744
Oh, they said something
about nurse molesting.
86
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:13,269
-I want to see you.
-I have a headache, Margaret.
87
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,358
No, no.
88
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,578
I have a favor
to ask of you.
89
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:21,495
Oh, anything, darling.
You know that.
90
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:24,106
My sister's
getting married.
91
00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:27,109
My younger sister
is getting married.
92
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,982
And she's
only a captain.
93
00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:33,637
Oh, marriage isn't all
that it's cracked up to be.
94
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,726
Let me tell you, honestly.
95
00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:38,686
No. Marriage is probably
the chief cause of divorce.
96
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:44,300
I want to borrow $240
for a wedding present.
97
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,911
It's key money
for an apartment.
98
00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:49,349
-Two hundred and--
-And $40.
99
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,657
Surely I'm worth $240.
100
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:58,619
-Frank?
-Every penny.
101
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:03,058
But I wish I could.
I really do, but--
102
00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:05,277
But all your money's
tied up in wealth, right?
103
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:07,584
Oh, those are just bonds.
104
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,412
You've bought enough to
start your own country.
105
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,500
Shh!
106
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:13,416
I just wanna borrow $240.
107
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,026
But don't you
have the money, Margaret?
108
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,420
Dear? Didn't your dad
leave you a bit?
109
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,772
Mother drank it.
110
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:24,471
Half my salary goes
toward drying her out
111
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,516
and the other half
for bail.
112
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,650
Bail?
113
00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:33,741
When she's sober...
she's a klepto.
114
00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:35,482
She was caught in
a store last week
115
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,397
stuffing a radio
up her jumper.
116
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,966
-Frank?
-Uh-huh.
117
00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:45,709
Uh-huh.
118
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,495
Mm-hmm.
119
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:51,541
I just can't do it, Margaret.
It rubs against the grain.
120
00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:54,936
"Neither a lender
nor a borrower be." Polonius.
121
00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:01,899
"To give and not
count the cost."
St. Ignatius Loyola.
122
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:04,641
"The holy passion of
friendship is of so sweet
123
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:07,470
"and steady and loyal
and enduring a nature
124
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,516
"that it will last
throughout a whole lifetime
125
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:12,388
if not asked to lend money."
Mark Twain.
126
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,653
"Blow it out your ear!"
Margaret Houlihan.
127
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:25,053
The morale officer
would like to remind
all personnel
128
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,185
not to be "negilgent"--
129
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:30,362
...negligent about writing
to the folks back home.
130
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:32,016
Remember, you gotta
write 'em to get 'em.
131
00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:34,758
Dear Becky...
132
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,673
I hope you had
a nice birthday party.
133
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:39,241
I'd have given
anything to be there.
134
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:43,027
In your last letter,
you said I never really
tell you what I'm doing.
135
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,812
Well, now that
you're all of seven
136
00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:47,423
I'll try to describe
what it's like over here.
137
00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,601
First of all,
I live in a tent
138
00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,603
which is kind of
old and smelly,
139
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:54,952
which I share
with two doctors
140
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,519
who are young and smelly.
141
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,565
One is Hawkeye Pierce.
He's a good egg,
142
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,176
but just a little grumpy
when it comes to waking up.
143
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:04,179
Come on. Everybody up.
Rise and shine!
144
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:06,921
-Hawk?
-I'm up!
145
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,793
Get up on your feet up.
146
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,012
Korea?
The war still?
147
00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,840
Right.
148
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:15,625
What's to get up?
I left a call for
half past peace.
149
00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:18,323
Night shift.
Come on. Let's go. Up.
150
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,508
Wait! Wait!
Wait a minute!
151
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:32,599
Why are we wasting
this on each other for?
152
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,168
TRAPPER :
Major Burns is Daddy's
other tent mate,
153
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:39,214
sort of like a substitute
teacher that stays all year.
154
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:43,044
Like us, he's here to patch
up the soldiers as best we can.
155
00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:45,263
They don't ever seem
to stop coming.
156
00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:48,571
It's very routine work,
except once in a while
like last December.
157
00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,530
HENRY:
Put him to sleep.
158
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,316
-Colonel.
-Yo.
159
00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:56,405
His feet, sir.
160
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,189
Oh, God.
More frost?
161
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:00,148
Three toes, at least.
162
00:09:00,191 --> 00:09:01,410
When the hell
is the army
163
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:03,543
gonna develop
a boot that works?
164
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,023
I'm almost
finished, Frank.
165
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,677
You want to
turn down that gas
166
00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:09,549
before this private floats
to the top of the room?
167
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,463
-Okay, sir.
168
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:12,987
Thanks for the break.
I'll take over.
169
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:15,163
Okay, pressure
and pulse are stable.
170
00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:17,252
Why don't you check
the other tables, Frank?
171
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,689
-Maybe somebody left a tip.
-Aw, baloney!
172
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,778
-RADAR: Major Burns!
-Yeah. What is it?
173
00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,738
Chopper plucked
him off a minefield.
He was there all night.
174
00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:31,571
Get this body
outta here, P.D.Q.
175
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,529
He's dead, sir?
176
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,791
Of course.
Froze to death.
177
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,140
-Let's go.
-Okay.
178
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:42,538
-Hold it. What do you got?
-Deceased, Mclntyre.
I checked it.
179
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:47,021
Are you "deef"?
I said "deceased."
180
00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:49,371
Kaput. No pulse,
no heartbeat.
181
00:09:49,414 --> 00:09:51,286
Okay.
Come on, take him back.
182
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,288
-Let's go.
-Ooh!
183
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:55,551
-Come on!
-We might be able
to save this guy.
184
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,901
Uh, get me a cut-down tray
185
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,990
and four units
of O-negative blood.
186
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:02,602
-You get a pulse?
-Not in the arm.
187
00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:03,907
Like I said.
188
00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:05,822
Come on,
cut the shirt. Let's go.
189
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,176
Frank,
his extremities are frozen.
190
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,135
You didn't check
the carotid.
191
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:16,311
You ever hear
of hypothermia?
192
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:17,617
He only knows what's condensed
in Reader's Digest.
193
00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:19,836
You get anything?
194
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:24,232
A faint beat.
Where's the, uh-- Oh, great.
195
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:27,191
Frank, hypothermia is a state
of reduced body temperature
196
00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:29,324
-slowing down all functions.
-I knew that.
197
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,588
Get me some blankets
and a prep tray.
198
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,851
-Frank, you prep.
-Right.
199
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:37,854
This guy thaws out,
he's liable to start bleeding.
200
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,769
What happened, Radar?
201
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:42,511
He was in a minefield
all night long.
202
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,774
He's a lucky fella.
203
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,516
If this had been summer,
he would've bled to death.
204
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,084
That's it for now, baby.
205
00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:53,783
I'd like to be able to tell
you when I'm coming home.
206
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:56,656
-But, for a while now,
all I can do is stay here
207
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,832
and make the best of it.
208
00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,495
MAN :
Attention, all personnel.
209
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,454
Tonight's movie is a holdover
from last week
210
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,499
and will be shown
right after supper
211
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,111
which is also a holdover
from last week.
212
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:19,200
-♪ Nya nya nya
nya nya nya nya ♪
213
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:21,115
♪ Nya nya nya
nya nya nya nya ♪
214
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,726
♪ Nya nya nya
nya nya nya nya ♪
215
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,902
-KLINGER: Down in front.
216
00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:29,297
-Out of the way.
-Sit down, Rob.
217
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,125
I'm glad we finally got
a new film.
218
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:34,041
Sure beats Twelve Ways
to Infiltrate a Nazi Bunker.
219
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,999
You wanna remove
your hat, lady?
220
00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:38,001
How would you like me
to remove your teeth?
221
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:40,830
-Sit down, or I'll
make you eat your bra.
222
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,572
-I only dress like this
to get outta the army.
223
00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:46,053
You're too pretty.
They'll never let you go.
224
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:48,142
I'd like some popcorn,
please.
225
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:56,324
-Excuse me, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
-Just get by.
226
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:59,327
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
227
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,808
-ROBINSON: Hey.
228
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:03,287
TEMPLE: Hey!
229
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:06,116
-ROBINSON: Hey! Hey!
-TEMPLE: Hey!
230
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,381
Have I missed much?
231
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:11,948
The Civil War started.
232
00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,342
Don't tell him
how it ends.
233
00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:16,648
♪ Nya nya nya
nya nya nya nya ♪
234
00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,781
♪ Nya nya nya
nya nya nya nya ♪
235
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,001
♪ Nya nya nya
nya nya nya nya ♪
236
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,046
♪ Nya nya nya
nya nya nya nya ♪
237
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,483
I've got a bleeder
in post-op,
238
00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:27,442
an 18-year-old kid.
239
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,402
Hi.
240
00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:38,453
Watch your hands.
241
00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,281
-What?
-Both of them.
242
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,589
-What the hell!
-Keep your hands to yourself.
243
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:45,808
Huh?
244
00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:50,160
I swear, Henry, these
fingers never left my hands.
245
00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:55,078
Well, don't look at me.
I only fool around with girls.
246
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:58,908
Will you sirs kindly mind?
It's Shirley Temple.
247
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,997
She's not really
a kid, Radar.
248
00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,520
Her mother stunted
her growth,
249
00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:04,827
made her sleep
in a short bed and smoke.
250
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:07,787
-She's 42 years old.
-Aw! Please.
251
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,183
-Heh!
-Heh!
252
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:24,151
Doctor? That patient
is hemorrhaging again.
253
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:25,717
Oh, Lord.
254
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:27,545
All right, let's go.
255
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:29,634
KLINGER:
Excuse me. Pardon me, sir.
256
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:32,159
-KLINGER: I'm sorry. Pardon me.
-MAN: Not you again?
257
00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:35,292
-Klinger, sit down!
258
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:38,643
-Move it.
-This seat is taken.
259
00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:41,211
Oh, no, it isn't.
It's empty.
260
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,561
Can you believe that guy?
261
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:52,919
Hey! Break it up
back there!
262
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:01,536
You can't
fight in here.
263
00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,625
MARGARET:
Can't somebody stop that?
264
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,412
MAN:
Hey, stop it! Break it up!
265
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:10,240
MAN 2:
Knock it off!
266
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,503
Come on! Knock it off!
267
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:20,381
-Now cut it out! Stop it!
268
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:22,383
Would you mind
holding it down?
269
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:23,950
I came all the way to Korea
to see this picture.
270
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:28,432
They're shelling us!
Stop the film!
271
00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:30,739
-Well, we gotta take cover!
272
00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:33,307
Just where are we
gonna hide, Frank?
273
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,222
We're stuck here with
our brass hanging out.
274
00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:38,051
-Brasses.
-Oh, right. Thank you.
Come on. Sit down.
275
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,981
See this, Henry?
276
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:58,941
"First Annual Polly
Adler Birthday Cookout,
Picnic and Barbecue.
277
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:03,380
All proceeds to go
to Sister Teresa's
Korean Orphans'Fund."
278
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:05,774
Forget it.
279
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,863
Henry.
You did everything you could.
280
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,083
Yeah. Come on, Henry.
Loosen up. You'll have a ball.
281
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:13,216
Yeah, that's just it.
Everybody unwinds,
has a good time.
282
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:16,698
Then the war comes back,
and it's a real belly drop.
283
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:18,787
Look, we need this.
284
00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:22,399
If we don't go crazy once
in a while, we'll all go crazy.
285
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:22,503
I missed you so much.
Oh, I love you, Judy.
286
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,029
I came back because
I missed you, Judy.
287
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:30,902
WOMAN: Oh, I'm so glad
you came back, Punch.
288
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:38,040
-PUNCH: I love you.
I miss you.
289
00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:40,477
I love you, Judy.
290
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,827
I love you. I miss you.
291
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:46,179
-Oh, I love you.
292
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:49,051
-I love you.
-Oh, that was just--
293
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,313
-Ah.
294
00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:56,102
Oh. This is lovely.
That's very nice. Lovely.
295
00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:01,281
I'm not doin' too great
for the orphans, Father.
296
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,283
No? How much so far?
297
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:07,200
Three nurses.
Three bucks.
298
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:10,507
I could make more,
but you wouldn't believe
what they expect for a dollar.
299
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:14,250
Oh. Well, do your best,
my, uh, my son.
300
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,470
Thank you.
301
00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:20,213
Uh...
302
00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:22,084
Okay, you fill
the spoon with water.
303
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:24,086
You take the water down
and put it in the glass.
304
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,436
And then you run back
with the spoon and give
the spoon to your partner.
305
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,439
Don't spill any water.
We don't want to make
Korea messy.
306
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,398
-Ready?
307
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,027
HAWKEYE:
Come on, Sister!
308
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,990
With a field like that,
Father, you can't lose.
309
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,237
WOMAN:
Go, go, go, go, go!
310
00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:44,166
Go, Sister!
311
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,720
HAWKEYE:
Oh, Yeah! The winner!
312
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,635
-Congratulations.
313
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:30,256
I'm the bonus prize
for the winner.
314
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:31,866
I get the loser.
315
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:34,390
My father told me to
stay away from fast women.
316
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,811
You've been
avoiding me, Margaret.
317
00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,379
Actually, I've been
ignoring you, Frank.
318
00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:08,729
I'll get around
to avoiding you later.
319
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:10,948
What is it, sugar?
Everyone else is
having such fun.
320
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,863
I thought we could be
in the sack race together.
321
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:15,823
You can forget about us
being in the sack race
for a while, Frank.
322
00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:17,433
And anytime you want,
you can pick up
323
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:20,219
your bathing cap
and your chenille robe.
324
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,916
Margaret, what is it?
325
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:25,136
I'll give you 240 guesses.
326
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:27,704
Oh, I get it.
327
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,271
It's the money,
isn't it?
328
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,752
You bet your clusters,
sweetie.
329
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:34,145
Well, you wouldn't
really let money
come between us?
330
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,322
I-- There--
331
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:39,412
There is no us, Frank.
There's just me.
332
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:40,891
The only us that
you're a part of
333
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:44,286
is Mrs. Multi-Chin
Sensible Shoes.
334
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,462
Now blow!
335
00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:49,596
-Go! Go! Go!
336
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:55,297
I'll get it, Margaret.
337
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:58,518
The money the 240.
338
00:20:58,561 --> 00:21:00,911
Really, Frank?
Honest, darling?
339
00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,565
-Do you mean it?
-That's what I said.
340
00:21:02,609 --> 00:21:04,045
Oh, Frank!
341
00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:05,699
Oh, you
don't have to do that.
342
00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:08,267
-One thing I would like, though.
-Anything.
343
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:10,791
When I give you the money,
if you could sign an I.O.U.
344
00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:15,535
Well, it's really
a good idea when you lend--
345
00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:17,624
An I.O.U. and some
mention of the interest?
346
00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:20,670
The interest?
347
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:22,455
Yeah.
I thought five percent.
348
00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:25,240
Now, that's better than
you'd get at any bank.
349
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,111
Oh!
Frank Burns!
350
00:21:30,854 --> 00:21:33,248
-Frank!
351
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,206
Oh! Oh!
352
00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:54,008
First prize has been
graciously donated
353
00:21:54,051 --> 00:21:57,228
by Corporal Max Klinger.
354
00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:06,194
He always wanted
a double-barreled slingshot.
355
00:22:06,237 --> 00:22:09,371
Come on, Henry.
Loosen up a little
and have some fun.
356
00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:11,460
-Come on, grab the rope.
-All right, I'll grab the rope.
357
00:22:11,504 --> 00:22:13,114
Get in here,
Hawk.
358
00:22:13,157 --> 00:22:14,768
-Oh!
-Hey, hey!
359
00:22:19,207 --> 00:22:21,252
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Who figured out this linuep?
360
00:22:21,296 --> 00:22:23,342
It's by rank, Henry.
361
00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:26,823
Uh-huh, except for
the old Illini anchorman.
362
00:22:28,999 --> 00:22:32,307
It's good for your complexion.
Come on.
363
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,787
All right.
Let 'er rip!
364
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:47,366
Who turned out the lights?
365
00:22:57,158 --> 00:22:59,073
Hey!
366
00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:22,662
-Get Henry!
-Come on in, Henry!
367
00:23:39,809 --> 00:23:41,855
Choppers.
368
00:23:50,341 --> 00:23:52,256
RADAR:
Choppers!
369
00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:55,912
Choppers!
370
00:24:13,060 --> 00:24:14,757
MAN :
Attention.
371
00:24:14,801 --> 00:24:16,411
For all personnel
too busy in the O.R.,
372
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,805
here is the latest
from the bulletin board.
373
00:24:18,848 --> 00:24:22,330
Armed Forces Radio announces
that Clark Gable is divorcing
374
00:24:22,373 --> 00:24:25,246
Lady Sylvia Ashley.
375
00:24:25,289 --> 00:24:29,076
And Sergeant Morrie Mandel
announces he is divorcing
his Sylvia.
376
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:33,167
In Washington,
Republican candidate
Dwight Eisenhower said
377
00:24:33,210 --> 00:24:35,648
if he's elected,
he'll go to Korea.
378
00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:38,172
HAWKEYE: That's what
I call a sore winner.
379
00:24:38,215 --> 00:24:40,348
H.Q. in Seoul announces that
380
00:24:40,391 --> 00:24:42,568
the ammunition shortage
continues to be very severe.
381
00:24:42,611 --> 00:24:44,657
TRAPPER:
We got no shortages here.
382
00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:46,920
Heavy fighting will
go on in our sector,
383
00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:50,314
and we can expect casualties
for the next 72 hours.
384
00:24:50,358 --> 00:24:52,534
-HENRY: Pierce?
-Yes, Henry?
385
00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:55,102
Good idea,
that picnic.
386
00:24:55,145 --> 00:24:56,669
Yes, Henry.
28893
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