All language subtitles for MASH.S03E08.Life.With.Father.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

Major, you have the hands
of a concert violinist.

He could've been a surgeon.

I'm running
the show, Captain.

You're just
the anesthetist today.

I know. It's your band,
and I'm just a boy singer.

Shh!

And now stepping mike-side,

the lovely Hawkeye Pierce

to sing the very haunting
"Star Spangled Banner."

Officer?
Labbi Forbris?

Keep walking, Margaret.
Keep walking.

Please! Labbi Forbris.

-Frank!
-No, no, just keep walking.

She probably wants
to sell the baby.
You know how they are.

-Just a second.
-Lookee, missee.

Me sabeand meme sabevery
busy workie hard all night.

Chow time?

-Major?
-Maybe we should talk
to her for a second.

That only puts another dollar
in the bank of permissiveness.

Oh, Frank, I just
want to tell you

what a great job
you did this morning.

Skillful technique,
O.R. efficiency unparalleled.

-A superior team effort.
-Thank you very much, Captain.

Now if you could
just get this back in.

-Hello, Trapper.
-Hello, Father.

-Hello, Hawkeye.
-Hello, Father.

-Hello, Don.
-Hello, Phil.

-Hello, Mary.
-Hello, Rochester.

Hello, Mr. Benny.

How can you give thanks
for food this bad?

Just being grateful
for my daily bread.

My daily bread's
four days old.

Mail call. Father.

Ah, it's from my sister,
the sister.

-Maria Angelica.
-I thought her name was Kathy.

Maria Angelica's the
name she took as a nun.

-Her married name.
-HAWKEYE: No mail for me?

A cancelled subscription?
A lawyer letter?

An apology
from my draft board?

It was all a terrible mistake?
Something?

This one's marked,
"Occupant, MASH 4077th."

Sold.

I'll enjoy this after
the afternoon prayer.

-Who's yours from, Trap?
-My five year old.

Or my wife has started
writing in crayon.

-What's that?
-A picture of a barnyard.

If you can find
the faces of ten

United States presidents
in this picture

you can be the proud
owner of a Shetland pony.

Hey, terrific. I see
one already right there.

Coolidge. Right near
the horse's tail.

That's one.

There's Teddy Roosevelt
in the tree.

Bully, bully!

You trying to muscle
in on our pony, Father?

Your films came, sir,
from the Tabasco Film
Company, Havana, Cuba.

Tee-riff!

Great. Great.

"Yvonne, Renee and Loretta
in What the Parrot Saw. "

-What's the other one say, sir?
-Oh, uh...

"Renee, Loretta and the
Parrot in What Yvonne Saw. "

Uh, sir, could I watch the
films with you this time

with Captain
McIntyre and Pierce?

Ah, Radar, you'd
be bored to death.

I mean, it's, uh,
it's all medical stuff.

Uh-huh. Here's a
letter from your wife.

-Oh, thank you, Radar.
-You're welcome.

Forbris, Forbris.

There was a Lieutenant Forbes.
Tall, thin guy.

Only dermatologist
I ever knew with pimples.

-Maybe she's looking
for Captain Forrest.
-Who?

The brain surgeon
who fell down a lot.

No, no. He's been
gone over two years.

He's got a toy store now.

Read, please.

TRAPPER:
What?

"Labbi Forbris"
is "rabbi for Bris."

Yes. Yes.

Sang Min.

She's married to Walter
R. Jacobson, Corporal.

0390-118010.

This is their son,
Sang Min Jacobson

who's too young
to have a number yet.

"The father,
busy at the front,

is requesting that
a circumcision be performed

with a traditional
Jewish ceremony,
which is known as a Bris."

I'll do the circumcision

but you're gonna have
to get a Jewish chaplain
to lay on the prayers.

Can Father Mulcahy
do Jewish?

Only if he can read Latin
from right to left.

Why don't you
talk to the father.

He's right inside.
He's got a black shirt,
white collar.

Cross around the neck.

Oh, a padre.

Si.

We certainly don't get
a lot of those cases.

I don't remember a single
soldier coming through here
in diapers before.

Hey, doc, run to the Motor Pool.
I'll throw you a long one.

-Arm like a rifle.
-Hall of Famer.

I bet they retire
your smock.

Guys, did I get a letter
from my wife!

Oh, man! Fantastic!

We're happy for you.
Did the movies come?

Yeah.
"What the Parrot Saw."

Oh, I love animal films.

What time is
the screening?

Midnight in
the generator shed.

But never mind!
I've got to tell you
about Lorraine's letter.

-Millard Fillmore.
-Hey, great!

Who?

We're gonna take
your picture on a pony,

Henry, so you can send
it home to your wife.

What pony?
Look, will you
read this letter?

What a woman!

I bet there isn't
a guy out here

in this godforsaken
toilet with trees

that's got his wife's
permission to horse around.

-"Dear Henry."
-We read it, Henry.

"I know, darling,
what you're going through,

the hardships,
loneliness,

living in tents
like animals."

-I didn't know animals
lived in tents.
-Neither did I.

"So if it should happen that
you meet another woman--"

"So if it should happen that
you meet another woman,

someone who is kind,
I would certainly understand,
my darling."

-Can you believe her?
-I'm still having trouble
believing you.

-Henry, that's great.
-Yeah.

Hey, you guys said something
about taking a picture.

Could we do it now?
I'd like to send it to her.

We don't have
the pony yet.

Oh, okay.

-Prince.
-Lightning.

-Norman.
-Buck.

Norman's a great
name for a pony.

The other horses'll
make fun of him.

Yeah. And he'll probably
have to wear glasses.

Well, there's
Captain Epstein.

He's a very fine
Jewish chaplain.

We went through
indoctrination together.

Lovely fellow, Eppy.

Water-skier,
paratrooper.

A bit meshuga, actually.

-He's with the 109th.

However, he's not Orthodox.
He's Conservative.

Oh, I don't think she'd
want anything flashy.

If you can't get Captain
Epstein, try the Navy,
Marines.

Let's get this little
fellow taken care of.

It's a lovely boy.

Did I remember to give you
that letter from your sister?

Yes, yes.
I was about to read it.

Please, don't be worried
about the circumcision.

Some of my best friends
have had one.

Thank you, Father.
Thank you.

Fragment at L-3,
one centimeter.

L-3.

Compression fracture, L-4,
lesions and trauma.

Finished.

Good.

Margaret, that O.D. T-shirt
makes me crazy.

I wanted to bite
you in the chow line.

I didn't see anything.
You seen anything, Trap?

I didn't see a thing.

We were simply
checking spines.

Did you find out
you each had one?

Would you make up
50 of these for me?

I don't know which one
of you is more obscene.

He is. We took a poll.

What are you doing?

Is that James Buchanan
under the haystack?

Now what would a president
be doing under a haystack?

What am I doing in South
Korea without a paddle?

What's this I hear
about you

performing a "cirky"
on an infant?

-That's elective surgery.
-Against regulations.

So is groping in the x-ray
room without leather aprons.

The mother and the child
happen to be dependents
of an American soldier.

Isn't that John Quincy Adams?

That dependent card and
letter could be forgeries.

Sounds like one of
their rackets to me.

Right. She gets rich
taking her baby

around to hospitals
getting him circumcised.

Come on, Major.

Going to do more research?

Pace yourself, kids.
It might be a long war.

Right there.
That big red apple.

Ulysses S. Grant's nose.

Hey, you guys think my wife
could have a guilty conscience?

What are you talking about?
Where'd you get an idea
like that?

-I saw that.
-Read between the lines.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

He's right, Henry.

-That's exactly what it says.
-Uh-huh, uh-huh.

-Uh-huh.
-HENRY: Why? Why?

The country club.

That's what it is.
That country club.

-Right.
-A thousand dollars to join,
150 a month green fees.

-For what?
-What?

Heartbreak, that's what.
Nothing but heartbreak.

Say good morning
to the pro,

and he sells you
an alpaca sweater.

Right.

That was the 109th, sir.

Captain Epstein's been rotated
to Temple Beth El in Buffalo.

-Who?
-The chaplain that does

water-skiing
and circumcisions.

Hey, those
are good hobbies.

I used to collect
butterflies.

I never caught any, though.

Well, I got
a sick moth once.

He was eating
my father's blue serge,

and I slammed the closet
door right on him.

-I think I'll try someone else.
-All right.

Uh, 121st, please.

Nah. Lorraine would
never do anything wrong.

Yeah, who am I speaking to?

Uh, Corporal Sweeny?

Listen, you guys got
a rabbi down there?

It's for a bris.

Uh, it's like a christening

performed on newborn
male personnel

who are Jewish Hebrews.

Right, you go look.
I'll wait.

It's all in
your imagination, Henry.

I don't know.

I mean, I've seen those
single guys

checking on the wives
at the club.

Them and their brown
and white wing-tip shoes.

They don't care.

You know, one hot night
a couple summers ago...

one of 'em cut in on me
and Lorraine at the dance.

He didn't even have
the decency

to hold her with a hanky
over his hand.

Next dance with me,
she had a soggy back.

You're doing
the jack story, Henry.

I know what started it.
She took up tennis.

She wears those short,
little skirts.

Lorraine has gorgeous legs

since her varicose vein
operation.

Have a drink, Henry.

What legs.

Sailor followed her once
four blocks,

and she was wearing
orthopedic shoes.

Maybe it would help if you took
a long walk in a mine field.

Have a talk
with Father Mulcahy.

Well...

Hey! Now that's
a good idea.

I just won't mention
that the country club
doesn't allow Catholics.

Kathy, Kathy, Kathy.

How could you think
of such a thing?

Father?

Father, I've got to talk
to you about my wife.

My sister wants
to leave the order.

There's guilt all
over this letter.

She's such a fantastic nun.

I'd stack her up against
any nun in the business.

I gave her whatever she needed,
even if she didn't want it.

God smiled on her
from the start.

Imagine! A basketball
scholarship at
the Holy Name Academy.

Appendices,
adenoids, tonsils.

I took something out of
every member of her family.

And all freebies.

She's been teaching.
She loves children.

Now she thinks she might
like one of her own.

Lorraine can be
a little flirty,

especially after a couple
of Scotch and 7 Ups.

Now she wants my approval.

I don't know
what to tell her.

I don't know what to say.

I think I got a Bris guy
zeroed in on the carrier Essex.

Oh, good, Radar.
Stay on it.

Yes, Father, sir.

Well, anything else, Colonel?

No. No, thank you, Father.

It certainly helps
to talk to someone

about these things
who's sympathetic.

Anytime, my son.

What's your diagnosis?

We got it isolated.

At exactly 1400 hours.

It isn't a president's face,
but it's political-looking.

It's a cow chip.

Keep searching.

One more president to go,
and we're pony owners.

She's such a fantastic nun.

One of your top nuns.

Radar, who do I see about
getting an emergency furlough?

First you see the chaplain.

But I am the chaplain.

Right. Then he,
who is in your case you,
contacts the Red Cross

which gets back to you,
since you're him.

-How's that?

4077th MASH.

No kidding? Great!

We got a Jewish chaplain,
Father.

Go ahead.
Lieutenant Commander Cornfield.

He's on the carrier
Essexoff Inchon.

I can reach him by code
for the next four hours.

Do I know what
you're saying?

Well, he could radio us
the Bris ceremony,
and you officiate.

Oh, yes, yes.
That'll work.

Tell the rabbi roger,
kosher and out.

-You're both gonna be sorry.
-Very sorry.

I found a way
to have tangible evidence

that you will have
performed elective surgery.

And there'll be none
of your weaseling out of it.

Have you finished, Major?

-I have.
-Your fly is untied.

Huh?

-Really!
-Colonel, do you realize...

No, Frank. Or, yes, Frank.
Whichever you prefer to hear.

I'm sure of it now, guys.

I even know who it is.
Lyle Pendergrast.

Always kissing her hand.

One time he got his mustache
caught in her ring.

-Wow, his eyes watered.
-Henry!

You know what
I've been doing? Crying.

I never cry.
I never cried as a kid.

Go ahead. Hit me
on the arm as hard as you can.
I won't cry.

-Go on.
-It's no sin to cry.

It is in Bloomington.

Tractor tipped over on
my father once

and he walked five miles
into the woods to scream.

Henry, why don't you
patch a call through

to the States
and call your wife?

Yeah, as soon as you
hear her voice,

you'll realize that
everything is okay.

You know, for a second,
I thought you were gonna
say "hunky-dory."

It crossed my mind.

Yeah, I'll hear her voice.

We'll talk about the kids,

and I'll hear the dog
barking in the yard.

Let it all out, Henry.
Come on.

I'm not gonna cry.
I'm not gonna cry.

Watch.

4077th MASH.

Oh, yeah, right.
One sec.

Uh, sir? Your call--
Your call to Bloomington.

-It's Mrs. Colonel,
your wife, sir.
-Oh.

-You look fine, sir.
-Oh. Can you tell
I've been crying?

-No.
-Good.

You can only have
two minutes on the line.

That's all I could get.

Hi, Lorraine.
It's me, Henry.

Oh, I'm, uh...

I'm fine, dear.
How are you?

Oh, swell, honey.
Kids good? Terrific.

No, no, no.
I'm still here at the war.

No, I haven't been shot
or anything.

Well, the latrine caught fire
the other day. I was in it.

But nothing important got
burned, just a little singed.

What? Well, yes.

Yes, there is
something I...

You know, you're gonna
think this is really silly.

I mean, it's gonna
make you laugh.

Uh-huh.
Yeah, well, uh...

Now, Lorraine, I just want you
to be as honest with me

as I've always
tried to be with you.

And, uh--
I mean, your letter today.

Uh, your last letter?

Well, now, it could be
interpreted as--

Who?

Al Franklin?

Do I know him?
Yeah, I know him.

Tall guy, 12 handicap,
drives a yellow Jag.

The, uh, the Pumpkin Dance
at the country club?

Uh-huh.

Ah, Lorraine!

Lorraine!

An orthodontist!

Well... well, I mean, honey,
don't, don't cry.

Please don't cry.

All right, Lorraine.

Go ahead, cry.

Yeah. Yes, I...

I know the movie,
"Brief Encounter."

What a...

Well, Lorraine, I mean
that's only a movie! I...

Lorraine?

Lorraine?

Uh, Sir, Lieutenant Commander
Cornfield is standing by
on the Essex.

We're ready to start
the ceremony.

Ceremony?

Uh, yeah. The Jacobson kid,
Sang Min?

-Go ahead, Radar. Whatever.
-Yes, sir.

It's clean, sir.

Oh, Lorraine.
Orthodontist!

Testing.
One, two, three, four.

Testing.
Mea culpa. Mea culpa.

Have you got
the chair, Father?

Oh, right.

They're ready on board
the Essex.

You ready to
perform, Hawkeye?

Mi-mi-mi-mi.
Ready.

-What's the chair for, Father?
-For the standby father.

Will you sit on it,
Trapper, and keep
your hands on the baby?

-Sit down, Trap.
It lets you use your best part.
-Bring in the child, please.

Uh, Father, the first
thing to say is, uh, uh,

"Repeat after me.
May he who comest be blessed."

MULCAHY:
Repeat after me.

May he who comest be blessed.

TRAPPER AND HAWKEYE:
May he who comest be blessed.

Go ahead, Radar.

"Happy is he whom thou choosest
and bringest, uh, nigh."

Happy is he whom thou
choosest and bringest nigh

that he may dwell
in thy courts.

I warned you.
This is elective surgery,
and I'm taking pictures.

-F-28, Major. It's dark in here.
-Right.

Frank, have you been sniffing
medical samples again?

Uh...

Uh, now, Father, you put a drop
of wine in the baby's mouth.

A drop of wine
in the baby's mouth.

God of our fathers,
preserve this child,

and let his name be
called in Israel

Sang Min,
son of Walter R.

Let us rejoice.

They're fading, Father.
Wait a minute.

I've lost the Essex.

We've lost them,
and I don't think
we're finished.

Everybody.

-Amen.
-Amen.

Shall I diaper, Doctor?

Yes, and then the baby.

Well, shall we head
for the sponge cake?

-You did good work, Doctor.
-When did I not?

-Hey.
-What?

I think I know where the face
of the tenth president is.

Aha! Got it! Got every
bit of it on film.

Oh, really?
Let's see.

Hey, he's right.

Ahh.
I had my eyes closed there.

-The baby's cute.
-Did you have to pull
it out in this room?

-Couldn't you wait
until we got to the tent?

When I saw the little mother
holding that child,

she was the happiest
person I'd seen in my life.

Well, I thought perhaps
my sister should have
a chance at that.

So if she must,
she'll have my blessing.

Come on. We gotta
practice for our pony.