All language subtitles for MASH.S02E22.George.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

MAN :
Attention all personnel.

Wounded arriving at helipad.

All hospital staff
now on alert.

MCINTYRE:
♪ I've got you under my skin♪

-♪ I've got you deep
in the heart of me♪

♪ So deep in my heart
you're really a part of me ♪

♪ I've got you
under my skin ♪

-Clamp.
-Clamp.
-Suture.

-Where's that sponge, nurse?

Let's get this lamp
straightened out.
Vite, vite!

♪ This affair never
will go so well ♪

Okay, Pierce.
Anytime now.

He gets a nickel deposit
back on that.

♪ I've got you under my skin

You getting paid
by the hour, Pierce?

If I close him up before you
remove those other fragments,

we're gonna invalidate
his warranty permanently.

How's it going?

On the whole,
I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

♪ That comes in the night

Another subcu suture.
Come on, honey.
I'm on a hot streak.

-♪ And repeats and repeats
in my ear ♪
-Will you shut up?

♪ Don't you know, little fool,
you never can win ♪

-Everything okay, Trapper?
-Just fine, Father.
Keep your fingers crossed.

♪ Use your mentality
Wake up to reality ♪

Having trouble tying
the vessel off?

I thought you finished
that chapter last night.

-Uh-oh.
-Want some more butter
for your fingers, Frank?

Relax.
I'll retract the nerve.

You suture the muscle.

-Thanks.
-Can you see all right?

Fine. Very kind
of you to help, Pierce.

Maybe we can go into
partnership after the war.

I'll handle the surgery,

and you do
whatever it is you do.

♪ Under my skin

-I hate sunrise.

And those damn birds'll
start singing in a minute.

Who are they to remind us
of happiness?

RADAR:
You go back on again
in an hour.

-PIERCE: Amazing.
-WOMAN: The sunrise?

The O.R.,
the amount of punishment

the human body
can take and still survive.

The doctors
or the patients?

Which are we?

Hey, Radar, if you get me
another cup of coffee,

I'll kiss every bit
of fat in your head.

-Sir?
-Yeah, I'll take another cup.

-Lieutenant?
-Yes, please.

I'll write you
a prescription.

PIERCE:
That kid Frank and I operated
on really took a beating.

MCINTYRE:
Probably had something
to do with the Korean War.

There's a lot of it
around here.

Not with those bruises.

You don't get bruises
like that in combat.

Looked like somebody used him
for batting practice.

We're all out.

MCINTYRE:
I've gotta get back to pre-op.

I got a patient double-parked.

-Can I see you to your tent?
-No, thanks.

-Can I see you to my tent?
A neutral tent?
-Uh-uh.

I keep a little tent
on the edge of town.

I can call ahead
and have my man delouse it.

Good thing
I thrive on rejection.

Cute. This wins you
a ride home, you know.

You oughta see the smile
under here, Doc.

His hemoglobin is 12.6.

That's up from last night.

All right.
Continue penicillin

and make sure he doesn't
sneakoff and reenlist.

-Frank.
-Hmm?

-Frank, you scheduled Ross
for active duty?
-Yes, sir.

Tomorrow, he'll have
his cast off, and we'll
have him out of traction.

I'm giving him a little
rubber ball to squeeze.

Frank, who's it gonna hurt
if he spends one week in Tokyo?

I mean, you know,
he could take his little
rubber ball with him.

May I remind you, sir,
we're fighting a war?

Well, that certainly explains
all the noise at night.

-This hospital is a vital cog
in our fighting machine.
-Frank--

The price of freedom
is eternal vigilance.

That's why we can't
allow any letdown

in command
or in the ranks.

Frank, you are
the only man I know

who makes George Washington
seem like a slacker.

What's wrong, Frank?
This man miss morning
calisthenics?

You keep your two cents
out of this.

Everything's under control,
Pierce.

We're just having
a little consultation about
the Private's medical needs.

Well, it's obvious.
Put him in a backpack

and send him
on a ten-mile crawl.

Burns, I'm ordering
the private to be transferred

to Tokyo
for two weeks of R & R.

Well, I guess that
puts me in my place.

Hey, Henry,
if you start acting humane,

you'll take the fun
out of the war.

Boy, he really
fries my butt.

Ross, have a ball.

Wounded three times?
You're quite a soldier, soldier.

-It's no trick
getting hurt in a war.
-You're too modest.

It's a privilege.
I wish I were there to help

all you wonderful guys
fight the pink stain.

-Sir?
-The major means Communism.

-It really makes me see red.
-Yes, sir.

So we mustn't waste
our strength

fighting amongst
ourselves, must we?

-I don't get you, sir.
-Your bruises.
You've been brawling.

I'd have you reprimanded
if you weren't such
a good soldier.

It's a free country, Frank.

He's entitled to all
the bruises he wants.

Pierce, why is it
we always turn up
in the same place?

It only happens
when I go tourist.

You're very good at this.

I majored in tickling
at medical school.

Oh, that's heaven.

-I'm glad you're not married.
-Who says I'm not?

Well, I don't see a ring
on any of your toes.

Oh, I should return
the favor.

I like mine
through the boot.

Mind if I watch?

If it'll help.

You're doing
a real good job.

I'll do your toes
if you like, Radar.

Oh, no. Thanks.

'Course,
I charge extra for 12.

All done, my dear.

If they're free,
I'd like to take
your toes out to dinner.

I've got a date
with Trapper.

Oh, really?

Oh, well, I guess
he must be all better then.

-Better?
-Oh, never mind.

-Doc, you got a minute?
-Anything wrong?

Well, no, I feel fine.
As a matter of fact,

I was wondering when
I could get out,
get back to my outfit.

You want out of here?

After the army went
to the trouble of arranging
all this mud and lice?

You haven't even
had dysentery yet.

It's all included
in the same price, you know.

No kidding, Doc.
How soon?

What's your rush?
The war'll still be there.

Its option's been picked
up for another year.

But there's no question
that I will be back?

We're running some tests.
We'll know in a day or two.

Well, even if the tests
come back against me,

could you still okay me
for combat?

You wanna go back?

Keep talkin' like that,
I'll give you a saliva test.

Listen, Doc. I've watched you
around the hospital.

You care about people.

Some of my best friends
are people.

You noticed my bruises, huh?

Oh, yeah.
Very nice.

Who's your
exterior decorator?

Well, Doc, two guys
got beat up in my outfit.

One colored and,
uh, one homosexual.

So you're a Negro?
Who'd have guessed?

Well, we went out last week
and got drunk on leave,

and I talked more
than I should have about...

something that happened
a couple years ago.

And you wanna go back
to that outfit?

You're gonna get
your Purple Heart
all black and blue.

It's important to me
that I finish my tour of duty,

now more than ever.

MULCAHY:
Heads!

Excuse me, Hawkeye.

-How's it goin', Father?
-Protestants, seven,
Catholics, three.

-But we'll get 'em.
-Go out for a long one.

You won't say anything
about our talk?

Only if you don't
say anything about that throw.

-MCINTYRE: Your move, killer.
-Nice flanking attack.

Can you get tennis elbow
from checkers?

Your follow-through's
all wrong.

How's this?

Remember that patient
in surgery this morning?

Have to do better than that.

I stitched up enough
soldiers this morning

-to make a rug.

Am I winning or losing?

You're winning, but, uh,
then it's two against one.

Which patient?
Crown me.

Weston. The one with contusions.

-His buddies did it to him.
-Well, what are buddies for?

They hung a homosexual
label on him,

and each one gave him
a knuckle sandwich.

Nice.

Kid's got a lot of guts.

Wants to go back to the line.
He, uh--

One was bigger than
the other. What's more,

Hitler wouldn't ride
in elevators,

constantly washed his hands.

Whenever he went
to the bathroom or
conquered a country.

Know what they also say?

I know that old trick.

When you talk about Hitler,
you're really talking about me.

Au contraire.
When we talk you, about you,

we're really talking
about Hitler.

-Whose move is it?
-Doesn't matter.
The board keeps moving.

Trust you two to pervert
something as fine
and wholesome as checkers.

-We already whitewashed
the fence, Aunt Polly.
-Ha-ha.

Well, while you two
smart alecks have been
lollygagging around,

I came across something
about a certain person
that's very,

very interesting.

Your serve.
"Very interesting," Frank?

-Very, very.
-Let us guess.

Is this person a well-stacked
U.S. Army major nurse

who's bigger than
the bread box that
you're seeing on the side?

-No. No!
-Well, then I give up.

There's one of those in camp.

"One of those," Frank?

Which one of those "thoses"
do you mean, Frank?

One of those types
that don't like girls.
Get it?

-Ohh, one of those those.
-Private Weston.

Patient came in this morning,
knows some of the guys
in his outfit.

I think it's disgusting.

What business is it
of yours, Frank?

-Yeah, you're a surgeon.
-I'm also an American.

All right.
You're an American surgeon.

Go operate on the flag.
It's your move.

How 'bout to another tent?

Don't you understand?
The man is not normal.

-What's normal, Frank?
-Normal is everybody
doing the same thing.

What about individuality?

Individuality's fine,

as long as we all
do it together.

Relax, Frank. He'll be gone
in a couple of days.

What do you mean, "relax"?
Don't you object to anything?

We have you, Frank.
We don't need anything else.

Care for a glass of checkers?

That soldier,
that powder puff

is just the kind of weakness
the enemy can exploit.

He's been wounded
in combat four times, Frank.

Well, even a powder puff
can get lucky sometime.

Think he might make waves?

Mrs. Burns,
I'm Dr. Pierce.

I'm afraid your son
is suffering from
terminal righteousness.

MAN :
Attention. All personnel

are invited
to the weenie roast

following today's training
film on trench foot.

-Good afternoon, Major.
-Good afternoon.

I see you chose
the chops for lunch.

I'd rather have
your fuzzy little neck.

Oh, yes, he prepares them
beautifully.

Frank, about what
we were talking about.

The subject is closed,
Captain.

-As I was saying, Major--
-Frank.

-I was talking
to the major, Captain.
-You talk to the captain.

-I'll talk to the major, Major.
-Sir?

-You keep out of this!
-Huh?

How can you kick this
little puppy of a person?

Major Burns,
I changed your patient roster
like you told me to, sir.

-Um, thank you, Corporal.
Bring it by my tent later.
-Frank!

I have it here right now.

I haven't seen her
move so fast

since we put that pancreas
under her pillow.

Why wasn't I informed?
I am head nurse.

Give me that.

You've taken Private Weston
off your day sheet.

He said it gave him
the willies to be around him.

You are an enlisted man,
Corporal.

This is an officers' mess.
Do you read me?

-If it'll help,
I'll make him an officer.
-Gee, would ya?

-Dismissed!
-Yes, sir.

Frank, I don't
understand.

Private Weston
is sick, diseased.

Well, if he should
be quarantined,
I must know immediately.

What should be quarantined
is Frank's mind,

if we can find something
small enough to put it in.

Margaret, trust me.

Perversion is one of the things
we're fighting against.

You mean Private Weston,
that nice boy?

That's what I understand
from some very reliable gossip.

Frank had the duty roster
changed because his pulse

did the cha-cha every time
he went near him.

What's that supposed
to mean?

That means lay off before
you do some real damage.

-I don't have to take
this kind of abuse!
-Oh, yes, you do, Frank.

You invite abuse.
It would be impolite
not to accept it.

Frank, straighten out
before we string you up
by your stethoscope.

You get this straight:

Weston is through.
When Division gets
the letter I'm writing,

he'll get the dishonorable
discharge he deserves.

Major?

-RADAR: Cough.

-Cough.

How do I sound?

Uh, get some rest,

cut down on booze
and stay away from women
for a while, sir.

-These monthly checkups
are a pain.
-Yes, sir.

Colonel, may I have
a word with you?

-Don't you always?
-It's been brought
to my attention

-that we have an undesirable
in the post-op.
-T, O, Z...

-I suggest immediate isolation
-L, P, E, D...

-and recommend
a dishonorable discharge.
-T, O, Z, L, P, E, D?

Very good, sir, especially
with your eyesight.

What are you talking about,
Frank?

I'm talking about
one of the patients.

Okay. Now open wide.

He's not one of us.
He's one of them.

Who are them, Frank,
that's not one of us?

-He's not a man.
-A woman, Frank?

There's no woman in post-op.
You know that.

Sir, a non-heterosexual.

Frank, why are you--

Frank, why are you
telling me this?

Has the man made a pass
at you, at me, at anyone?

-Give me your hand, sir.
-Yeah.

Well, I thought
it was my duty.
As a surgeon and an officer,

I'm obliged to report any man
who may jeopardize his unit.

Well, you just
never know, do you?

Look here, sir.

I'll need the necessary forms
with your signature.

-Forget it, Frank.
-Colonel, don't make me
go over your head. Again.

-Wow.
-What is it?

I'm not sure.

How's it look?

I can't describe it.

It's like
a little nativity scene.

What?

I'm a beat person.

One disadvantage of
being sober is knowing
exactly how you feel.

-Trapper, Hawkeye.
-Father.

Hope you haven't used
all the holy water, Father.

No, no, no, no.

-My folks suggested
I become a priest.
-Yeah, yeah?

-I like my Sundays free.
-Ah, top of the mornin' to ya,

you big two-fisted,
heart-of-gold,

toora-loora-looral
Father McIntyre.

Could you become a priest,
remain celibate?

Only if they'd had me
quick-frozen.

Pass the soap.

Certainly, my son.

-Sirs?

Close the door, Radar.

Some of us are
out of uniform.

Uh, can I see you both?

If you stand
on a box, you can.

No, no.
This is serious, like.

-Well, tell us.
-Like.

Well, um, Major Burns
is giving Colonel Blake
a lot of static.

Major Burns
is loaded with static.

He was born in a taxi
with the radio on

while it was stalled
under a bridge.

-What's his beef, Radar?
-He's trying to force
Colonel Blake

to sign some forms
so Private Weston will
get a dishonorable discharge.

How's he tried to force him?

By insisting.

Since when
is insisting forcing?

I honestly believe Henry Blake
could be held up through
the mail.

My towel, Tinker Bell.

-Here we go.
-Okeydokey.

-Clear polish or high buff?

-Huh?
-Buff, please.

-You have beautiful hands.
-Thank you.
They're my mother's.

If she ever finds out
I've got them, she'll kill me.

Ohh. Oh, my ear's
been acting up all day.

Radar gave me
a thorough checkup.

I was all right except
that I got this, uh uh

Did I, uh...

-Look, let's skip the manicure.
-Voila. El finko himself.

-That was a dirty
trick, Pierce.
-Thanks a lot, Henry.

-For what?
-For signing
those forms for Frank.

-For helping to ruin
another man's life.
-Can I say one thing?

For once again winning
the "Rubber Backbone Award."

Pierce, I didn't sign.

How dare you
do the right thing?

Frank said he'd go
over my head.

I said, "Go."
He's done it so many times,

I got footprints
on my scalp.

-Frank.
-Natch.

Frank writes to Washington
more than he does his wife,
the big snitch.

Honey, check this ear,
will ya?

What's it look like
in there?

-Who is it?

BURNS:
Me.

Frank, you want a bite?

I don't feel like that,
Margaret.

Can I type in here?
I've got to get away
from those animals.

-Don't feel like what, Frank?
-Hmm?

Ohh.

-Any sign?
-Frank's still in there.

I'll never understand
what they see in each other.

Fortunately,
they don't see it
in anybody else.

Hold it.
Her flaps are rustling.

They're coming in
for a landing.

Her door's opening.

Frank is leaving.
His beady little eyes shift.

They look right, now left,

now out the back of his head.

Now he gives Hot Lips
a noncommittal good-bye leer.

And there will now be
a short pause

while he skulks casually
back to the swamp.

And now, to work.

That's it!

You'd move out on account
of a simple disagreement?

Simple?
You have a degree in simple!

When you told me
you were 6'3", I didn't
know that was your IQ.

Oh, a character
assassination

-just because we don't agree!
-What's wrong?

-Keep out of this, Frank.
-Can I help?

-Here's a hand mirror.
Do a lobotomy.
-MCINTYRE: Hey, lay off Frank.

You're just sore
because he's right.

Here's a copy
of "War and Peace."

That oughta keep
your lips moving for a year.

Wait a minute! Did you say
I was right about something?

-Never mind.
-No, no.

I have a right to know
if I was right.

I'm not right
that often around here.

If I know what it is,
maybe I can do it again.

Why don't you find yourself
a drugstore, Frank,
and get weighed?

What's eating him?

He's P.O.'d because I happen
to agree with you about Weston.

-You didn't this morning.
-Intelligence allows
for a change.

I definitely think you
should send in that report.

You guys are a pain.

You go together
like salt and peter.

-Let him rave.
-You know, Trap,

I've always felt like
you and I had the basis
for a friendship, Trap.

As my last official favor,

I'm gonna wait until I get
outside before I throw up.

It's too late to apologize.

You guys, condemning
somebody for something
that's his own business.

Look me in the eye,
Trapper John McHypocrite,

and tell me there isn't
something in your past

you wouldn't
like to keep buried.

And you,
Dr. Clean Starched Underwear

Next time you're browsing
in the Bible,

try to find a few words
about compassion,

if you can get past
the part that says,

"Thou shalt not
admit adultery."

Little selective
amnesia, Trap?

Remember that 80-proof
confession

about your
first-year medical exams?

Medical exams?

I had bought the answers.

-Paid a hundred
dollars for 'em.
-Wow.

Suppose that ever got out.

-Where would our hero be then?
-A hundred dollars?

I was a kid.

I paid 400 for mine.

And you have the dumb nerve
to judge someone else?

-If you repeat that,
I'll deny it.
-He won't tell anyone.

-What if I did?

You think you could handle
a dishonorable discharge

from the medical profession?

Could you give up your family
and your vine-covered house,

or is that your house
and your vine-covered family?

Huh?
Could you give up your office,

with your leather couch
and the receptionist
that goes with it?

That happened years ago.
I was a kid, like him.

I lied.
I was never a kid.

Most people wouldn't care
about the "when," Frank,
only the "what."

-Frank?
-Hmm?

People who live
in glass tents?

Oh, tear it up.

Don't take it so hard, Frank.
It's the right thing.

It's galling.

You tear some.
It'll make you feel better.

You want me to help?

Phew. Hey, you laid it on me
pretty good, rotten-wise.

"Low I.Q."

-Your lips move plenty.
-Only when there's
a girl attached.

What you got in your past
you'd like buried?

I've led a peerless life
of exemplary behavior.

There's a lot of sainthood
talk going around in my town.

You gonna start lying to me?

Lying? I don't have to take
that kind of talk from a man

who started his academic career
by failing the afternoon nap.

Would you like
a drink before you go?

I thought you'd never ask.