All language subtitles for MASH.S02E19.The.Chosen.People.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

MCINTYRE:
Lap sponge.

-Hey, Sam, can you
see all right?
-Perfect.

BURNS: Lieutenant,
put this man under.

Clamp! Clamp! Come on!

BLAKE: Move a little bit
to your right, will you?

Okay, where are the bolts
for it?

Hey, Sam, how about this?

Um, "Give him a bicarbonate,
and tell him to stay off
his feet."

Isn't that "Your presence
is welcome in our camp"?

No, it's "Your uncle has gas
from eating cabbage."

I think you're ready
for the U.N.

Captain Pak, you are here
as a medical observer,

not to give us
language lessons.

Oh, I know, Sam.

-I'm sorry to hear that.
-PIERCE: What?

Well, your uncle with
the gas is now pregnant.

-Hey, terrific!

Oh, jabber-jabber-
jabber-jabber.

What's Korean for "quack"?

"Quack?"
That's my father-in-law's name.

-Frank, you're a father-in-law.
Saline for irrigation.
-Saline.

Frank, by
a strange coincidence,

the inhabitants of Korea
communicate in Korean.

It wouldn't hurt us
to speak their language.

I speak American.

And I can go anyplace
in the world.

We can have you packed
in 20 minutes.

We're living in Korea, Frank.
Clamp.

-Clamp.
-Not me, fella. Hmm.

I'm part of the American
military establishment.

I eat in an American mess.
I shop in an American P.X.

All I wanna do is save
these people and go home.

And we thank you
from the bottom of
our bomb craters.

I don't need any of your lip.

"Lip" is Sam's cousin.

Oh, pish-posh.

"Pish-posh?"
That's my mother's family.

-Yo! Come in.

Morning, Radar.

Cheese and crackers!

Uh, now just
take it easy, Bossy.

Nobody's gonna
hurt you, sweetie.

Radar!

Sit.

Sit, lady. Stay.

Radar!

RADAR: Sir, there's
a Korean family out here.

Well, their dog's in here.

Holy cow!

Never mind his religion, Radar.
Just get him outta here.

Shine, Joe?
Shine, Joe?

Shine, Joe? Shine, Joe?

Shine, Joe? Shine?
Shine? Shine, Joe?

Shine, Joe?
Shine, Joe?

Hey, mister.
Hey, fella!

Look, friend.
You can't build your hooch here.

Hospital. Hospital.

Yo! Yo!

Uh... you're on
government property.

Go home.
Go-ey home-y.

Go-ey home-y.

Uh, Radar.
Here, tell him, will you?

Uh...

Go-ey home-y.

Oh, that's just dandy, Radar.

Look, folks.
You've picked a very busy spot.

The war comes through here.

Well, not war
in your war-fighting sense,

but rather in your
aftermath sense,

which is still war-war.

Uh, not now, sonny.
Uh, people, we can't have this.

What the deuce
is going on here, Colonel?

What are these
people doing?

Oh, Frank, will you
for Pete's sake,
for heaven's sake?

I'm up to my naval in locals.
Exactly why, I'm not sure.

The only thing I am sure of
is I don't need you.

Well, why are they
building a house?

I don't know, Frank.
Maybe they were thrown out
of their hotel.

How should I know?
Radar, go get...

-Captain Pak is
on his way, sir.
-Uh, look.

-You natives...

Now hear this!

You can't build a house
on a U.S. Military reservation.

-Now amscray! Scat!

Great going, Frank.
Now you've aggravated them,
you dumb dodo.

I had the situation under
control before you got here.

Could I have
my leg back, please?

Colonel, these people
are poachers.

I'd say fire a few shots
over their heads.
That'll chase 'em.

What do you wanna do, Frank,
start a military incident
in the middle of a war?

-Is that what you want?
-There are times when
a show of strength

-is the only way.
-HAWKEYE: Frank?

Just ran into
Teddy Roosevelt.

Says he won't charge
up the hill without you.

Hey, what's the problem?

Looks like
we got visitors.

Well, they just
moved in.

Started setting up
housekeeping.

You gotta
talk to 'em, Sam.

Get the first month's rent
in advance.

I mean, we got
a real hoo-ha goin' here.

Excuse me.
Any of you folks Catholic?

Father, do you mind?

Hold it.

-What's the poop, Sam?
-Well, the poop is...

he says that this is his farm
and you are on his land.

That settles it.
Let's go home.

Are we just gonna
stand around

and let these foreigners
take over the 4077th?

Frank's right. After all,
this is their land.

What right have
they got to it?

Hell's bells, Major!
The 4077th is a field hospital.

Well, we can't handle it!

It's up to you
Civilian Affairs boys.

That's what you're paid for.

Yeah, I know.
$640 a month isn't real money,

but it does keep
the old bulldog from barking.

Yeah. Radar, will you
do something with him

before he gives me
a pedicure?

Yo, I'm right here, Major.
Right, five of them.

Mom, Dad, three youngsters

and an ox that's bucking
for elephant.

Yeah. Yeah!

Okay, boy. Great shoe shine.
Here you go.

Candy?
Dollar for shine, Joe.

Colonel, he wants
a dollar.

Well, pay him.

Uh, take it out of
petty cash.

Sir, you took it all.

Uh, just hold it.

Radar, get him some grub.

Oh, yes, sir.

I don't know their names!

They're just your
garden-variety Korean refugee,

and they keep yelping
that we're on their farm!

Yeah. Well, listen.

Get up here and straighten
this out, will ya?

Okay. "Goom-bye."

Gee!

My name Choon Hi.

Oh. Hi.

You're not with
those others, are you?

I mean,
you speak our verbiage.

I learn from the nuns.

Oh.

Oh! Hi, little fella.
Little fella?

You gonna grow up and be
a big Korean soldier,
just like Daddy?

-His name Su Yong.
-Oh.

-Father is a soldier.
-Uh-huh.

-Not Korean soldier.
-Oh.

His father is G.I. Joe.

Well, I'm afraid
we don't have anybody

by that name here, Miss.

Su Yong father speak nice
to me, like wind song.

Well, some of our guys
can really shovel

the old wind song.

-His father not just guy.
-Yeah?

He doctor.
MASH 4077.

Well, that's
our phone number.

And you say he could really
talk up the old wind song, eh?

Pierce and/or Mclntyre.

-Sir?
-Yo.

I took the children
and got them some chow,

but we better order
some more rubber boots,

'cause we got ox problems.

-Where?
-You name it.

Oh, that's one more thing
on my hands.

All right.
Get Pierce and Mclntyre
over here on the double.

Yes, sir.

-Henry?
-Yeah?

-Good news.
-I'll take it.

I had a long, reasonable talk
with the farmer,

-and everything's cool.
-Great.

You got three days
to get the hell outta here.

Sam, what's Korean
for "suicide"?

That's the Japanese.
We don't do that shtick.

You wanna step in my office
for another goody?

Sam, this is Miss Choon Hi.

The baby is Su Yong.

-You?
-Stand by for the fingering
of the father.

-Aha.
-Him not doctor.

You betcha.
I don't make house calls.

Well, Sheriff,
looks like you got troubles
right here in Pregnant City.

-Thanks a lot.
-Gimme the key.

You called, Master?

This better
be good, Henry.

-It's pretty tough
getting across the compound.

Captain Pierce,
Captain Mclntyre,

I believe one of you
knows Miss Choon Hi

just a little bit better
than the other one of you
knows Miss Choon Hi.

Miss Hi claims that she

and one of our doctors
committed parenthood.

Any volunteers?

I got the forms
for the boots, sir.

Him doctor!

Radar?

Radar.

-What's that?
-Mazel tov.

She's applied for legal aid
to the Judge Advocate General,

naming Dr. O'Reilly here
as the father.

Radar. Radar. Radar.

-Our little boy has
grown up, Henry.
-I have not!

Well, what do you have to
say about Exhibit "A,"

which is at this moment
having a drink at the bar?

-It's not mine!
-The mother says it is.

Well, what does she know?

I mean, she's mixing me
up with somebody else.

That's possible.
You all look alike to us.

Come on, Radar.
Level.

Could you be the father?

Of course I could,
but I'm not.

I mean, I do,
but I didn't.

Do you admit
that you know her?

Sure I know her.

She's from the village.
I've run into her a few times.

Well, once, anyway.

No! Never!

You'd better be telling
the truth, Radar.

They're sending someone
from the Judge Advocate
to question you.

I'm not worried.

Radar, why would
she pick on you?

Of all people.

Now what is that crack?

I mean, just 'cause I don't
fool around like you guys

doesn't mean I don't
fool around like you guys.

I mean, well, you know,
I'm pretty well-known
in that village.

I'm down there
every Saturday night.

Playing doctor.

Radar. Radar. Radar.

Colonel?

Frank, this is
no time to reenlist.

You have no idea
how it disgusts me
to find myself here.

We share your disgust, Frank.

That farmer and his family

are making a shambles
out of the compound.

How can you make
a shambles out of
a shambles?

These people
are your people.

They oughta get down
on the ground

and kiss
their lucky stars above

that we are over here
spilling our blood

to keep them safe
from democracy.

And doing
a hell of a job.

Frank, will you just
keep your pants on?

I've got a call in
to Civilian Affairs.

And meanwhile,
you're just going to sit there

and watch
a girl nurse a baby?

Is that girl nursing a baby?

No, that's a child
doing maternal chin-ups.

What the blue blazes
is going on here?

She claims
Radar's the father.

You dirty little noncom!

Frank, you've got a baby.

-Three.
-Well, I'm married.

And I'm an officer.

Perhaps you can
help me, Officer.
I've just been robbed.

Sir, that baby
is not mine, sir.

Oh, hogwash.
That's what they all say.

Just check
the baby's blood

and the mother's
against his type,

and you'll know P.D.Q.

-Very good, Frank.
-Brilliant!

BURNS: It's outrageous!
Cooking, sewing, farming.

-BLAKE: It's called
staying alive, Frank.
-They can't do that.

Not on a U.S. American
military post.

Frank, why don't you call
the Civilian Affairs officer?

-Me, sir?
-Yeah, I talked with him.

The man makes no sense,
and you're very good at that.

Yes, sir!
Thank you, sir!

Go get 'em, Frank.
Kill!

Right!

It isn't gonna
hurt him, is it?

Of course not.

I'll have you know
I've drawn more blood

in my time than Dracula
on a blind date.

It's gonna be all right.

Okay, pal, here we go.

You ever think
of pediatrics?

Oh, you make a fortune.

There's gold
in them thar diapers.

PIERCE:
And...

-You said you weren't
gonna hurt him!

TRAPPER:
Ah, Radar, Radar.

You're acting like
a nervous father.

Oh, it's just that
he's so little.

PIERCE:
Well, like father, like son.

Will you cut that out!

We'll know in a minute.

See, we're going to match
the mother's blood type

and the baby's blood type

-against yours.
-He's "B."

-Stop peeking at my blood.
-And if the baby's blood type

doesn't match yours,
you're off the hook.

-And if it does?
-Then that means it's possible.

In which case you either
marry the young lady

and take financial
responsibility,

or if you want
the easy way out,

we can adopt you
and hide you in the attic.

We'll get
back to you.

You wanna
save us the trouble?

I'm not worried.

You understand
the implications?

I do.

Remember that phrase.

-You're not mad?

Oh, it's a little unexpected.

You like the baby?

Oh, yeah.
I like all babies.

Sure is a great way
to start a life.

Hi, Radar.

You son of a gun, you.

Takin' the family
out to lunch?

Oh, you jokers.

-How about that?

Here. This is for you.

It's sort of like food.

Oh, uh,
would you like me to...

Hey, uh, not so fast.

The ice cream won't melt
into the cole slaw
for a while yet.

Very spicy.

Better go easy
on that stuff, Father.
Melt your beads.

Whoo-wee!
It'll clear your sinus too.

-MAN: Colonel Blake?
-Yo!

First Lieutenant Harper, sir.

Oh, you're just
in the nick of time.

I'll tell you something,

I got a split-level packin'
crate goin' up,

every boot's been shined
within an inch of its life

and that ox over there
is two years behind in
its fertilizer orders.

Which one is pregnant, sir?

Oh, he's here for
the flip side, Henry.

Judge Advocate General.

Uh, Lieutenant Harper,
this is Captain Pak, R.O.K.

And this is
Lieutenant Mulcahy, G-O-D.

Well, let's get crackin'.

Major, I certainly do
appreciate the swift
and decisive manner

in which you attacked
this matter.

Just between us majors, Major,

Colonel Blake is not
your clutch-type colonel.

Whatever he puts his hand
to goes kerflooey.

This whole camp
is on the fritz.

Well, many thanks again.

Hey, you're
my kind of fella.

Hey, maybe we can
get together sometime.

You know, I have a feeling
that we're very much alike.

What?

I beg your pardon!

I'm a married man!
I've got kids...

and everything.

No, I won't call you again,
and don't you ever call me!

-Major.
-Hmm?

Well, I got results,

-even if you didn't, Colonel.
-Fine, Frank, fine.

BURNS: Don't you wanna hear
about my call?

One disaster
at a time, Frank, please.

Right now
we have to find out

whether to buy a card
for Radar this Father's Day.

If we were in the navy,
I'd have you flogged.

Colonel, if you don't mind,

I'd like to interview
the complainant first.

-Radar.

You're dismissed until
your presence is re-required.

Where should I go?

Try out.

Out?

Out, Radar, as in "not in."

Oh, that out.

Now, this is the statement
which bears your signature.

You first met Corporal
Radar O'Reilly on 15 September.

All right.
The party's over.

Repeat, the party
is over.

Comprende?
We're combing you out
of Uncle Sam's beard.

Sergeant.

FRANK: And don't let them
try to kid you.

They understand
every word I'm saying.

And if they don't,
the ox can translate.

He's the only one
listening to you.

Where are they
gonna go, Frank?

There's a truck on its way
from Civilian Affairs.

Until we move on,
they'll be allowed
to farm the next field.

-Frank, the next field
is a minefield.

They'll have to plow it
with a tweezer.

Frank, your head needs work.

Look, Pierce.
I appreciate the unfairness

of this entire
unfortunate unfairness.

I mean, no one hates this war
better than I do.

Why don't we leave it
to the army to do
the right thing?

I mean, they've been
in this war business
a long time.

Frank, they are not going
to board that truck!

Until we know
where they're going.

Captains do not order majors!

It's all my fault.
I failed him.

You're not his father, Henry.

No, I mean
as commanding officer.

Sam, have you ever
heard me give the camp

a sex orientation
lecture?

-No.
-Oh, man!

I really get
the joint rocking.

A kid like Radar
gets worked up awful easy.

Save me a couple of seats
for the next one.

-Colonel.
-Yo.

-I'm ready to talk
to the corporal now.
-You got it.

Stop the presses, Henry!

-Everything all right?
-Oh, just fine.

We just finished
typing the blood.

Corporal O'Reilly
has blood type "B."

For proof, I refer you
to his egg-encrusted dog tags.

The mother has blood type "O,"

and the aforeborn baby
has blood type "A."

Radar is no more
the father of that child
than Trapper here.

I have blood type "B."

HARPER: Colonel, who are
these gentlemen, please?

Oh, this is Captain Pierce.
This is Captain Mclntyre.

This is Lieutenant Harper,
Judge Advocate General.

Are you men doctors?

Only when the moon is full.

And will you sign and attest
to that blood report?

-Oh, absolutely.
-Positively.

We're not only
brilliant surgeons,

we were once arrested
for notarizing in public.

Same sad story, fellas.

The real G.I. father
left her.

She's now ostracized
by her family.

Radar was kind enough
to give her a lift one day,

and instead of
a thank-you note,
she gave him the baby.

-Sir!
-Radar.

Sir, I thought it over,

and I was lying before when
I said the baby wasn't mine.

It's hers, mine and ours.

Radar.

No! You guys wouldn't
know me when I was in town.

I mean, I remember that night
'cause I took a shower.

I was wearin' my paratrooper
scarf with nothing on
underneath.

I had maybe two beers,
and I was looking for trouble.

I wanted to get a tattoo,

but the guy had
printed "Mother" so much
that he'd run out of ink,

so I was taking
the jeep back home,

and I saw her hitching a ride
by the side of the road.

And I stopped.
And, uh...

I'd rather not say anything
more in front of the baby.

Radar.

Oh, Judas Priest, what now?

You're one. You're two.
You're three.

Gimme that! You're four.
You're five. You're six.

Frank, what's going on?

They're being relocated
in the south

with some other
lucky refugees.

Anything else I can do?

You can go with them.

Just for six months.

Yeah, till they get settled.

Oh, go jump in the lake!

Why, Radar?

Do you remember
when she first came around

and I said that I do,
but I didn't?

Mm.

Well, I didn't
because I don't, and I never.

But I sure liked the way
it felt when everybody
thought I did.

You will.

-You think?
-Oh.

Here you are,
my children.

Just a little something
to read on the trip.

If you have any questions,
they've got branch offices
all over.

Eh, she'll be okay, Radar.
She's got a family again.

All right, Dennis!
Roll out!

Bye-bye. Good-bye.
Bless you.

Hi, Radar!

You talking to me?

Who are you going to go
to the movies with tonight?

Wear the paratrooper scarf.

Worked before.