All language subtitles for MASH.S02E15.Officers.Only.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

Okay, watch the birdie.

Take a deep breath.

Hold it. Ginger.

All right, relax.

See anything, Doc?

Oh, we send these
out to the drugstore

to be developed.

You stay with us.
We do beautiful work.

-Feel okay?
-Okay, Doc.

Uh, Private Mitchell's
pictures, sir.

Oh, wow.

That guy looks like
he swallowed a junkyard.

Yeah.

Ginger, prep that man
for surgery.

It's a chest case.

And I'm too beat
to do it alone.

Wake up Hawkeye.

While he's asleep?

That's the best time.

Hawkeye?

Hawk?

Hawkeye.

Sir?

Radar, who asked you
to wake my feet?

Sir, your head's
at the wrong end.

No, it's not.
It's always been here.

I'm gonna count to 3,
and by the time I get to 1,

I want you outta here.

McIntyre needs you
in surgery.

I just came off
14 hours of surgery!

If I cut open one more body,

it'll be yours
for waking me.

Out!

Cover my feet. The light's
shining on my toenails.

It's a chest case,
and they're prepping
the patient.

If I'd have been
a plastic surgeon,

I could be doing noses now
at $1,000 a nostril.

Yes, sir.

As an eye man, all you do
is turns out the lights.

You say "Read
the top three lines,"

and you go to sleep
while they're reading.

Yes, sir.

Even as a proctologist,

I'd have been seeing
new faces all the time.

-Clamp.
-Clamp.

Got a little
bleeding here.

-Suction.
-Suction.

This kid had a lot
of artillery for lunch.

Hmm. Ready for
the retractor?

Wait a minute.

Okay.

Rough one, huh?

Very unpretty.

How's it going, guys?

Fine. Pull up a chair,
we'll deal you in.

You know
what you got there?

Yeah, a young
shrapnel collector.

That's General Mitchell's son.

Fifth Airborne.

TRAPPER:
A general's son?

Hey, Hawk, we're finally
playing the Palace.

Now I wish we'd
washed our hands.

How's he doing?

He's got tracheal
lacerations,

but the esophagus
is okay.

-Right.
-MARGARET: Colonel.

Major Burns is
ready to assist.

What do you think
I'm doing, stalling
till my room is ready?

I think it only
fitting that a captain

be assisted by a major

when working on the son
of a general, Colonel.

I think you just
conjugated the Pentagon.

-Lap sponge.
-NURSE: Lap sponge.

Colonel,
I outrank McIntyre.

It is well within
my purview

to order him away
from that table.

Frank, why don't we
just take our gloves off

and step outside?

I'm not operating too loud
for you people, am I?

All right, let's
can the chatter.

Pierce, any way
we can help?

How about deserting,
alphabetically?

Suction.

Klinger, you've asked
for my advice.

Now, I realize how badly
you want out of the army.

Yes, sir.

But it's my considered opinion

that no one's going to believe
that you're pregnant.

Well, I don't expect
them to, sir.

I just want them to see
I'm so crazy that I think

they would think
I'm gonna have a baby.

Well, it's none
of my business, Klinger,

but, uh, should someone
in your condition

be smoking a cigar?

Right.

General Mitchell's
helicopter's

just landing, sir.

General Mitchell?

Yes, sir, I sent
a jeep for him.

Holy cow!

Uh, Radar,
uh, kill the laundry.

Uh, Klinger,
would you fix the bed?

Congratulations.

Can I do anything
else, sir?

Uh, no.
Yes, uh, get rid
of those pillows.

I'm-I'm terminating
your pregnancy.

Oh, not in front
of the general.

I'll just wear
my basic black.

Maybe pearls.

Get out!

Ten-hut!

Colonel Blake.

General.

Uh, dismissed,
Corporal.

Yes, sir!

Corporal?

Oh, well, uh,

he's in the big show
Saturday night.

I see.

I understand my boy
couldn't have been

in better hands,
Colonel.

Well, we did
our best, General.

-He's doing well, is he?
-Oh, very well.

Well, right now,
he's sleeping like a baby.

-Hmm.
-Like a general's baby.

Captain.

You, uh, do much
fishing, do you?

Oh, I do a little
fooling around.

I'd like to have seen
the one that got away.

You know how it is.

Yeah. I used to.

Uh, Corporal O'Reilly.

Yes, sir!

Uh, would you, um...

Uh, yes, sir. I'll, um...

Uh, yes, sir.
I'll, uh...

I'll get these
to a poor family.

Oh, that'll be
very nice.

Well, uh, I'd like to go
over to the hospital

and, uh, visit the boy,
if you don't mind.

Oh, yes, indeed.

Ah, here's a little token
of my appreciation.

That's 12-year-old Scotch.

Well, that's very
generous, General.

Goes down real smooth.

Well, at that age,
it should know the way.

Vital signs?

Blood pressure 130 over 80.

Pulse 92.

Continue the IVs.

Yes, Doctor.

Frank, here comes
the general.

How do I look?

Ah, straighten up.

Yes, Doctor,
we're continuing
the IVs as ordered.

Uh, General Mitchell,

Major Houlihan,
Major Burns.

Doctor, I want to thank you
for operating on my son.

Um, well, sir, I, um...

Well, the, uh, major
didn't actually operate

in the sense
that he operated.

Uh, his participation,
more or less,

took the form of offering
to assist the surgeon

who was assisting the surgeon
who did the operation

without the further
need of assistance.

Major Burns wanted
to be free to supervise.

Supervision is your key
in an important operation.

-Uh-huh.
-Somebody has to be
there to say, uh...

"How's everything
going, men?"

It obviously went well.

Your son deserves
a great deal of
the credit, General.

Oh, that's the truth.

He came through it
like a trooper.

Or, rather, a paratrooper,
in this case.

Yes, we're all proud of him,
the way he laid there.

I'm indebted to all of you.

I would like to meet
the doctor who performed
the operation.

Oh, that would be
our Captain Pierce.

Best doctor in the whole
darn shootin' match.

Well, men, name it.

Uh, name what, sir?

The general wants
to reward our effort.

The captain's very fast
at catching my drift.

I played left drift
in high school.

I'd like to say thank you
in some substantial way.

How about surrendering,
so we can all go home?

At least call
the war a draw.

Oh, General, I think your
offer is more than enough.

No, no.

I agree. His offer
is less than enough.

Yeah, don't be so modest
with our greed, Henry.

How about...
three days in Tokyo?

Do three nights
go along with it?

In a suite at
the Imperial Hotel.

And a "Please Disturb"
sign on the door.

You got it!

You will wear
trousers in Tokyo?

At least
until we check in.

What?

Oh, wait, hold on.
He just walked in.

-Telephone, sir.
-Hi, there.

How are you today?

Who am I talking to?

Uh, Mr. Yagura.
He runs the Imperial Hotel.

Yes, sir,
what can I do for you?

When? Last night?

In the main dining room?

They sent a case
of pipe cleaners to
MacArthur's table.

Well, sir,
I can guarantee you

the men will be severely
reprimanded the minute--

What?

When?

4:00 in the morning?

Yes, sir, I'll grant you,
that's a little out of line.

What, sir?

Rickshaw races
in the lobby.

What is your name, sir?

Yagorhum...?
Ya--

Everett, is it? Everett?

Everett, let me
get back to you.

If you'll just
tell me, ma'am,

how many of the girls
are missing,

maybe I can help you.

Half the graduating class
of your pearl diving school?

Sir?

Uh, sir, are you asleep?

What have they done, Radar?

The Fujikowa bath house
in Tokyo.

Mm-hmm.

They report Captains
Pierce and Mclntyre

were bobbing for customers.

Thank you, Radar.

Yes, sir.

Ah, home at last.

It's good to get away,
but it's lousy to get back.

Dennis, uh, put
the bags in our suite,

have the jeep washed,

and take the rest
of the war off.

What is that?

An officers' club.

While you two were wallowing
in the fleshpots of Tokyo,

I arranged for that
with General Mitchell.

Terrific!

And you wanted to write
him out of your will.

Ha ha!
Hey, this is great.

Slot machines,
jukebox.

It's done in
early kickback.

There's a general
who really knows

how to pay his
doctor's bill.

Orders, sirs.

What do you
think of that?

You leave the place
three days,

it turns into an army camp.

What is that
thick brown stuff?

It's either liquid steak

or chocolate pudding
with gristle.

Ten-hut!

Radar, what
the hell is this?

As senior NCO present,

request Captain's permission
for men to resume eating, sir!

I believe this is the
first case of teenage
male menopause.

Come on, you guys,
break it up.

Yeah, as you were.

You're not serious?

Well, the new-officers-only
club is for officers only,

and et cetera,
just like this.

Radar, it's us,
your aunt and uncle.

Yeah, how can you frost us?

Think of all we've
been through together.

We got you drunk
your first time.

Taught you how
to drive a jeep.

Both on the same night.

I remember that well, sir.
Thank you, sir.

Radar, if you don't
cut that out,

I'll pull your cap down
over your shoulders.

We're gonna
talk to Henry

as soon as he comes
out of surgery.

We'll get the sign
taken down.

There'll be no
discriminating around here.

Absolutely. Trust us.

Gonna eat your fat?

We really reached him.

That was good work,
Lieutenant. Thank you.

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

How about if I pick you up
about 8:00, your tent?

And then?

About 8:15, my tent.
What do you say?

Doctor, you're naughty.

With any luck at all.

You know, I was thinking--

Hey, Henry,
bone-picking time.

Ah-ha-ha.
Back from Tokyo, are we?

-Apparently.
-Did you have a good time?

-Oh, great.
-Well, I would think so.

You did everything but swim
in the emperor's moat.

Hey, Henry, what about
the officers' club?

Yeah, it's a beauty,
isn't it? It's pre-fab.

And you know somethin'?

Just two and a half hours

after that big chopper
set down that first wall,

I was wearing a lampshade

and being sick over
anybody that would listen.

But, Henry, the place
is restricted.

That's not true.

Any officer, regardless
of race, color, or creed,

can go in there and get
bombed out of his skull.

Oh, come on, Henry.
It's not fair.

Hey, hey, all the enlisted
guys are very disgruntled.

Look, I can't be responsible
for anybody's gruntlement.

General Mitchell,
out of the kindness
of his gratitude,

gave us this
marvelous club,

which, by the by, can double
as a church on Sunday.

Oh, great!

St. Patrick's
Church and Grill.

Pierce, I'm serious.

We just throw a poncho
over the jukebox,

and we can use it
for a pulpit.

Terrific!
We get three sermons
for a quarter.

Henry, listen,
that place is so un-us.

Well, I want to
tell you somethin'.

The club is up,
and the sign is up,

and so is the time you're
spending on my back,

-so get off!
-Hey, Henry, touch a nerve?

Henry, look, if we can
get enough officers

to agree with us,

will you throw the club
open for everybody?

Yeah, sure, if you can
swing it, fine, okay?

Henry, you're one of
the three great people

-in this conversation.
-Thank you.

Hey, on the level, guys.

Did you really send
pipe cleaners to
General MacArthur?

No, it was
a lady correspondent.

Her corncob fooled us.

Hey, I was--

Here you are, Major.
One Shirley Temple.

I've been looking forward
to this all day.

That's very good, um...

Kwang Duk, sir.

That's a cute name.

We're a cute people.

Hi, soldier. All alone?

What'll you have, my dear?

A Scotch old-fashioned,
without the fruit, please.

One Scotch old-fashioned,
hold the garbage.

We'll be at our table.

-Major.
-Thank you, Major.

Pretzels? Peanuts?

Frank, you're a different
person when we go out.

Uh, thank you, Kwang.
Put that on my tab.

And add five percent
for yourself.

Thank you, sir.

To the best night nurse
I've ever known.

You devil.

Hi, gang.
Spanky got a flat,

or we would have
been here sooner.

Ahem.

Oh, do join us.

-Innkeeper?
-Yes, sir?

Two very dry martinis,
and, uh, Margaret,

what is that?
An old-fashioned?

Without fruit, yes.

HAWKEYE: Frank?

He knows what I'm drinking.

Another Shirley Temple.

With a Jane Withers chaser.

Easy, Frank.
You're operating later.

Listen, you two bozos,

the major and I were having
a quiet drink together,

and I'd appreciate it
if you'd both am-scray.

Margaret, let me dance
my way into your heart.

Now, just a minute!

Be patient, Frank.
I'll get to you next.

Where does he get off--

Frank, I want you
to sign this petition

to let enlisted men
into the club.

Are you goofy?

Must we dance so close?

I do.
It's a muscular problem.

If I don't rub thighs with
someone every four hours,

I get the bends.

Keep your distance.

Margaret?

Yes?

We've got a petition

to let the enlisted men
in the club.

Forget it.

Sign it, Margaret.

I'm warning you,
my legs are loaded.

What's he doing?

Nothing to worry
about, Frank.

You can still see
some light between them.

Come on,
sign the petition.

Fat chance, bub!

Margaret, if you don't sign,
I'll give you a dip

that your coccyx
will never forget.

Excuse me.

Big shot.

I'll finish this dance.

Well, I guess the best
man won, you big lug.

Any luck?

Frank wouldn't sign his
own stay of execution.

How'd you do with her?

Fantastic,
but she wouldn't sign.

I don't suppose you'd like
to finish this dance?

Not really.

Let's get back
to the ship.

TRAPPER:
How you doing, tiger?

Oh, a whole lot better, Doc.

As someone who's
seen your inside,

I can tell you,
your outside looks great.

-Klinger?
-Yes, sir!

Discontinue the IVs
and start him on
a full liquid diet.

Yes, sir!
Will do, sir!

MAN :
Attention, all officers.

General Maynard Mitchell
will officially open

the officers' club
at 2100 hours today.

For the enlisted personnel,

there will be a special
screening in the mess tent

of an animated VD cartoon
"Hansel and Regretel."

2100 hours, huh?

Maybe we can work
something out.

Could be.

Okay, you got
your orders.

Yes, sir! Right away,
sir! Yes, sir.

Cut that out or I'll
snap your garter belt.

Yo!

May I serve you, sir?

You betcha.

I've been dying
for a banana daiquiri.

Is that a drink, sir?

Oh, yeah.

You just take some,
uh, bananas and some rum

and some cream
and some crushed ice,

and you just put it
in a blender.

We've got no bananas, no rum,

and no blender, sir,
and only powdered cream.

-Okay, gimme a beer.
-Yes, sir.

Major, Major,
Colonel, Captain.

Captain, Colonel,
Major, Major.

Well, I, for one,
am impressed.

Dress uniforms.
And you even shaved.

Well, if you could,
it was the least we could do.

Uh, Kwang?

Uh, two martinis, please.
Painfully dry.

Yes, sir.

Ten-hut!

As you were, people.

-General Mitchell.
-Colonel.

It's both an honor
and a privilege

and a pleasure
to welcome you

to that which only through
your magnanimous generosity

are we able to be standing
in the middle of it.

Well, it's the least
I could do, Colonel.

General, I believe
you remember me.

Oh, yes, of course.

I'm the, uh, backup
surgeon who supervised

the possible assistance,
if not the actual operation,

-on your son.
-Ah, good to see you.

Major Houlihan,
in charge of nursing.

Yes, I can believe that.

And I'm Captain Pierce,
the African explorer.

I understand my boy's
doing very well, Captain.

Well, I've been giving
him around-the-clock
attention, sir.

But he's getting
better anyway.

I'd like to get over to
the hospital and see him.

-HENRY: General?
-Yeah.

Uh, would you like to have
a little drink first

to sort of, uh,
baptize the bar?

Yes, we were
counting on you

to throw out
the first drunk.

Well, uh...
yes, of course.

Uh, let me have a rye.

A rye and what, sir?

Rye, and don't
stop bringing it.

-Yes, sir.

-Uh, sir, sir?
-Yes.

Uh...

-Gary!
-Hi, Dad.

I'd salute, but I
might fall on my face.

Hey, you walked up
here on your own, huh?

Yeah, well,
with a little help.

Pretty good, huh?

Come on in.
I'll buy you a drink.

Uh, General,
I'm sorry, sir.

Uh, perhaps you
don't realize it,

but your wife gave birth
to an enlisted man,

and it is officers only.

Pierce, I'd like to
talk to you for a minute

about your
possible execution.

I wonder if I could
say something useful.

I've often wondered
that myself, Frank.

General Mitchell
gave us this club,

and I think,
fair man that he is,

he's entitled to
hold it over our heads.

Hear, hear.

No, no!
Pierce has a point.

The custom
is officers only.

Well, perhaps we should
stretch that point, General,

make an exception
for relatives.

What do you say, Blake?
It's your outfit.

Oh, well, uh, my mind
is wide open, sir,

to whatever you think.

Come on.

Ah-ah, now, remember,
no booze.

You're still
convalescing.

Uh, now that we've
established the policy,

uh, there are a few
relatives of my own

I'd like to bring in.

Corporal O'Reilly,
who's been like a son to me.

Corporal Klinger,
who's been like a daughter.

And here's the rest
of my little family.

Cousin Fred.
My brother-in-law Leroy.

My cousin Phil.

My second cousin
on my mother's side Ed.

Bill, my mother's
cousin's brother.

Sam, my cousin's
brother's mother.

I don't care
if he is a general.

That's too close.

Right.

Why don't you have some more
of your Shirley Temple, Frank?

Right.

I'm gonna punch him
in the nose.

Oh, go get him,
Frank.

Right.

First I think I'll
have a little faint.