All language subtitles for MASH.S02E11.Carry.On.Hawkeye.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

MAN :
Attention, all personnel.

Because of the epidemic,
tonight's broken film,

which has not arrived yet,

is canceled.

A reminder from
Colonel Blake--

due to the flu, kindly
refrain from kissing anyone

unless absolutely necessary.

Come on, Trap.

See if you can bite
the spoon.

If you eat it all,
you can see the picture

at the bottom
of the bowl.

The three little pigs
in escrow.

Why do doctors always
make such lousy patients?

If you were a patient,
would you trust you?

Come on, now.
One for General MacArthur?

NURSE:
He hasn't had a thing.

Pierce comma Hawkeye.

Lieutenant Anderson, Sheila.

-You look new.
-Only one owner.

Ah, a sense of humor.

Hey, my nose
has no teeth.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Lieutenant Anderson,
this is Captain McIntyre,

a doctor with
the 24-hour flu,

which is now
in its third day.

Hi.

I wish we'd met
when I was alive.

Come on now,
one for Ward Bond?

Attention, all OR personnel.
Attention.

-They're playing
our announcement.
-Incoming casualties.

See if you can get him
to eat something.

-Otherwise, start him on IV.
-Right.

If he makes a grab at you,

let him.
He needs the exercise.

You'll be playing the violin
again in no time.

HAWKEYE: You know something?
There's a good chance

I may not catch
that old devil flu.

Oh? You have your own
private immunity, Doctor?

You're invulnerable
to viral infections?

I breathe
through my ears.

Pipe down, will you,
Pierce?

It's like living
in a wind tunnel,

but it fools the germs
hanging around my nose.

You okay, Jacobs?

I'll be all right,
Doctor.

Oh, that's good.

Because I'm deathly ill.

HAWKEYE:
What's the matter, Henry?

Stop doing Jolson
and get to bed.

I'm fine, fine.
I'll be just fine.

Jacobs, put him to bed,

and take the next one
for yourself.

-I'm fine. I'm just fine.
-Yes, Doctor.

Put a screen
in between your beds.

He's most dangerous
when he's on his back.

Don't thank me
until you get my bill.

The big, dumb, strong ones
always go first.

-Suction.
-Suction.

Okay, we're ready
to close.

4-0 silk.
And mop my forehead.

Doctor, I just did.

Don't argue with me.
Just do what I--

The lights are--

Doctor!

Stay where you are.
Don't leave the table.

Father, give him a stool.

Margaret, you think
you can land the plane
by yourself?

-I think so.
-All right, help Sheila.

-Gloves.
-Nothing clever.

Just close and call me
when you're finished

so I can check
your embroidery.

Right.

Father, belly up to
the instrument tray.

Give him some gloves here.
Left one first.

4-0 silk on
Keith's needle.

SHEILA:
4-0 silk.

Deaver retractor.

Uh, what?

Deaver retractor.

The curly thing
with the curl.

Oh, oh...
the Deaver retractor.

They do give them
complicated names.

That's the cross
we bear, Father.

How's Frank?

He's unconscious.

Saving lives at last.

Suction, Father.

Oh. Coming right up.

Father, as long as
we're working together,

is it all right
if I call you Dad?

HAWKEYE:
Look, General, I realize

that flu is epidemic
in the whole theatre,

but I'm all alone here.

I'm a humble captain.

Yeah, I-- Yes, I know.

I know I'm a capable
young surgeon.

Let me add,
I have good prospects

and I'm a--
I'm a great catch.

But I'm not looking
for a husband.

I need help here.

I-- Just send me
some hands.

Anybody--
Jack the Ripper.

Anybody who's good
with a knife.

But--

General, I-I understand
the problem.

When am I gonna
get somebody here?

Days?

Thank you, General.
You've been a big help.

Everything I said to him
went in one star

and out the other.

Uh, anything I can do
to help...

That's a nice offer, Radar,

but unless you can
graduate medical school

in the next two hours,
forget it.

I suppose you realize
you're ranking surgeon now.

It's hard to believe

I'm sitting in
Henry Blake's chair.

This is the chair from which
a thousand indecisions

have been launched.

Yes, sir.

Tell you what we're
gonna do, Radar.

Uh, check the
personnel directory,

call Seoul, Tokyo,
Okinawa, and Pusan.

See if we can get
another surgeon to come
in here and help you.

You put the words
right into my mouth.

Yes, sir.

Don't get fresh.

HAWKEYE: Come in.

Margaret.

I've done this often,
but I never dare dream it.

Mind your tongue.

Frank's flat on his back.

I think we should
follow his example.

Frank wants his Bible.
Where is it?

It's over there
under his catalog from
the Japanese sex shop.

He doesn't have one of those.

He's even making
a shopping list.

You'll find the page creased
under the inflatables section.

Patch kits included.

Oh, will you be serious
for just one minute, please?

I am, Margaret.

You know, there's a frontier
feeling around here.

Joel McCrea is in bed.

So is Ralph Bellamy
and Colonel Andy Devine.

Now there's just you and me--

Frances Dee
and Slim Summerville.

Why do you talk like that?

I can't help it.
I'm part of the movie
generation.

I spent every Saturday morning
and afternoon in the dark.

I'm really not interested.

I could easily
have been a mushroom
instead of a doctor.

I'll tell you what you're not.
You're not commanding officer.

Oh, yeah?

As a major,
I'm next in command.

Okay, you take charge.

You've just been
waiting for a chance to
take over, haven't you?

Look, I want a command

about as much as I
want a scholarship
to Devil's Island.

Let's have a clear
understanding.

You won't take yes
for an answer, will you?

I'll get to the real thrust
of what I'm saying.

You're the sorest winner
I ever met.

You've emasculated me
for the last time.

I'm in charge now.

Okay, Madame President.

You take care
of the surgical matters,

and I'll handle
administration.

We'll be so busy,

we'll never see
each other, darling.

After you, sir.

I suppose you're wondering why
I asked you all here tonight.

Years ago, each of you did
something terrible to me.

What are you
talking about?

Nothing. You're in charge.
You take over.

Oh, now don't be foolish.

I wouldn't presume to tell you
anything about surgery.

All right,
let's get organized.

Father, you'll be
working with Sheila.

This is a promising young
surgeon who prays a lot.

Got a great touch,
especially on Sunday.

All right.

Okay, uh, scalpel.

Scalpel.

Kelly clamp.

Kelly.

Okay, promising young surgeon,
give me your hand.

All right, hold that down,
right there. You got it?

Yes, I'm holding it.

All right.
Don't let go of it.

All right.
There are no fragments.

Irrigate the wound

-and pack it over.
-Yes, Doctor.

Margaret? Over here.
Kelly, gloves.

All right, you're really
in charge here, Commander.

You'll work with Wilson.

You're so scared,

I'd like to put my
sterile arms around you.

I'm okay.

Okay. Scalpel.

Scalpel.

All right, I'll
open up the paradidymal

and see what we've got,
or rather what he's got.

I'm ready.

That's what I
tried to tell you
when we were alone.

Okay, uh, Charlie,
I'm in the M's now.

Uh, what about this guy?
Martin, Robert H.

He's listed as a chest cutter.

He's a pediatrician?

Uh, Charlie, we get very
few pregnant soldiers.

Pierce?

Coming, Mother.

Nice job.
That was good help.

-Thank you.
-All right.

-Sponge.
-Clamp.

What's happening?

I-I'm not sure.

That's perfect.

I've never
done this before.

Bet you can't remember
the first time you said that.

Just put a clamp on
that other bleeder there.

Hawkeye,
could I trouble you?

Coming, Father.

MARGARET:
Okay, sponge.

Uh, hi, Harry?
Uh, right.

Radar O'Reilly,
over at 4077th?

Yeah, listen, uh, ha--
is your outfit got

a Dr. Anthony McDonald,
general surgeon?

Huh?

He changed to psychiatry?

That's crazy.

HAWKEYE:
Yeah, all right. Got it.

Clean this up here.

Is that really his
gall bladder I'm holding?

It ain't his money belt,
partner.

-Hold it.
-All right.

Ready to close now, Doctor.

I'll be right there.

In the meantime,
look for your wristwatch.

Surgeon's joke.

I don't feel well.
Would you be good enough

to take this gall bladder
off my hands?

Okay, Richardson retractor.

-Richardson.
-MARGARET: Pierce!

Just a second. Hold that
back, would you, Sheila?

-Metzenbaum scissors.
-Metz.

Hawkeye.

Yeah? Wh-what?
Any luck?

No, I struck out.

I called Okinawa,
Seoul, Tokyo.

Everybody's got the flu,
or they won't come,

or whatever.

They may have to close
the war. Clamp.

-SHEILA: I'm out of clamps.
-Well, get some quick.

Not you, Sheila.
Get back here. Hold that.

Father, will you
get us some clamps?

We've gotta
close him now.

Somebody get us a clamp.
I'll be right there!

-Wait a minute.

Will you wait a minute?
I'm trying to--

-Hawkeye, I can't--
-What do you want us to do?

My kingdom for
an intelligent octopus!

Hi, dear. Having a tough
day at the office?

Just filling out
the daily report.

Add these--
pints of blood used,

pints of blood needed,
progress of cases reports,

and on page 6 you'll
find my resignation.

If you skip
every other word,

you'll see it's also
a suicide note.

Don't be facetious.

All right, then I'll go home
as a deserter, in chains.

-Anything.
-That will do, Captain.

I don't care.
I'm gettin' outta here

one way or the other,

and I'm takin' you
with me, Margaret.

We'll send for Frank later.

-You want a little--
-No.

Have you examined
the flu patients?

-Frank's temp is up.
-Henry's is down.

Trapper seems to be hovering
between Sheila and Shirley.

He'll be able to play
Saturday in the big game

with Abnormal State.

I'm gonna sack out.

You want anything
from me before I go?

I'm yours.

Well, I have something
a bit more constructive.

A new serum came in
on the last chopper.

They think it might
prevent the flu.

It's experimental.

Classic army thinking,

locking the barn after
the horse has the flu.

It may help.

We ought to
immunize each other.

Margaret, another
dream come true.

I think we ought to give
each other injections.

I'm no good with a needle.
I never have been.

I can take it.

Where do you want it?

In my arm.

Party pooper.

Aah!

I told you I was lousy.

Maybe we are in a movie.

You're Bette Davis,
and I'm George Brent.

You do me.

-Roll up your sleeve.
-Uh-uh.

What do you mean,
uh-uh?

I want mine
in my tushie.

Your what?

Derrière,
the back of my front.

The fleshy part.

I can't take pain.
I can only give it.

All right.

Lower your trousers.

I thought you'd never ask.

Only as far
as you have to.

Oh, you're just
loving this, aren't you?

Aren't you?

Let me get at your hip.

Any time, darling.

Sir...

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Aah!

Margaret,
that was fantastic.

Fine.

I hope you realize this
means we're engaged.

Well.

-Henry.
-Oh, Colonel.

Well, Mr and Mrs 4077th
at home in my office.

-Should you be up?
-I'm just fine. I'm perfect.

You look like
an ad for death.

Hey, you know
what kind of a bird

moves into
another bird's nest

while the colonel
bird is sick?

Somebody had
to take command.

So you did it together.

Well, that's double indemnity,

that's what that is.

I seen it in a movie.

You're burning up.
Get back to bed.

Oh, no, no, no.
So you two can just
sit around my desk

and smoke my cigars?

She couldn't
help it, Henry.
She was drunk.

-Oh, stop.
-Well, forget it.

Just-Just-Just get out
of there, Mrs. Judas.

I'm taking over.

Yes, sir, I am
back on the bridge.

I'm in command
around here again.

He went down
with his desk.

Package for you, lady.
Where do you want it?

Right there, Doctor.

-Pierce, I'm fine. Just fine.
-Okay.

-No, I'm fine!
-All right, Henry,
you just go to sleep,

and we'll leave
a call for February.

Same treatment
he was getting

before he went
over the wall.

-Right.
-Look at me, sick in Korea.

Boy, if I was back home
in Bloomington, Illinois,

my wife would be
taking care of me,

be leaning over my bed
with her hair in curlers,

cold cream on her face,

and those chipped
fingernails.

The kids playing ball up
against the side of the house.

My dog at the foot of my bed,
having an accident.

Boy, am I glad I'm here.

What are you doing?

Unless I got amnesia,

this is how you dress, right?

You strong enough
to get back in the game?

I think I'm
gettin' better.

There's two of you there.
There used to be three.

Very good.
You can do double hernias.

Fever gone?

Mother used to kiss
my forehead to find out.

We tried
to reach your mother.

She doesn't make
house calls.

You gotten any
replacements?

We've been offered
a veterinarian
and a gynecologist.

Great.

They'll be very helpful
if we get a horse

that's going
through menopause.

Been rough, huh?

I've had more fun
at autopsies.

Well, help is here.

Uh, Dr. Pierce,
could you look at bed 5?

If you'll look with me.

No, no, now, Frank,
I don't think you should.

Well, McIntyre's
getting up.

You're sicker than he is.
Everybody knows that.

My nose feels like it
weighs five pounds.

Ohh...

Frank, I'm in command now.

I can get a lot
of things changed,

the way we want them.

That's terrific, Louise.

Louise?

That's your wife.

Where? Where?

Frank.

We're in Korea.

Oh, oh, good.

She'll never find us.

Yes, Frank, yes.
Lie still.

I'm all right.

But we're gonna have
to get outta here.

Why?

There's too many people
in this motel.

What's up?

It isn't Trapper.

I'm with you, Hawk.
I can make it.

Fine, all we have to do
is move the floor

into the operating room.

Let me alone.
I can stand.

Sure, if we screw you
to the flagpole.

Look, Trap, you want to
help me, don't help me.

The only way to get better
is you let--

let yourself be sick.

I think I can manage that.

Hawkeye,

chopper's on the way,
loaded with casualties.

15 minutes at the most.

All right, Father,
get your tap shoes.

Sheila, Margaret.
Let's go. Come on.

I have to go now, Frank,
but I'll be back.

Goodbye, Nancy.

Nancy?

You're the best
receptionist I ever had.

Frank!

Honestly, Louise,
we had to work late.

Double requisition
everything.

-Right, all right.
-We need whole blood.

Tap the kitchen staff
and the Korean personnel.

I want a pint
from everybody.

I gave this morning.
Can I give again?

It's too soon.

Anyway, your blood
is near-sighted.

Is that possible?

Keep checking
for doctors.

Nobody'll listen.

Tell them you're acting
under the direct orders

of General Clayton.

Just one moment,
Captain.

-Radar, go.
-Stay.

-I said go.
-And I said stay!

She outranks you.

She's got more things
on her uniform.

She's got more things
in her uniform, but go.

Sorry, sir.

I thought we understood
that I am administration.

Let me tell you
something, administration.

You know that little shot
you gave me for the flu?

-Yes?
-Well, it worked. I've got it.

Are you sure?

I've got enough nausea

to light up the city
of Toledo, okay?

First I'm hot,
then I'm cold,

and my knees are in business
with themselves.

My tongue has gone cashmere,
and I'd like to find

an all-night latrine
that takes servicemen.

Now, have I got the flu,
or am I just in love?

Do you think
you can operate?

I've got to. What am I
gonna tell the casualties,

to stop bleeding
until I-I feel better?

I want to see if
you've got fever.

Believe me,
I've got fever to burn.

I'm worried about you,
Doctor.

You really are,
aren't you?

You know all those rotten
things I've said to you

and all those nasty little
tricks I've played on you?

Yes.

I'd like to get well
and do them all over again.

All right, pickups.

Pickups.

How do you feel?

I have this terrific thirst
for embalming fluid.

Are you gonna make it?

That's up to you,
Margaret.

You're incredible.

As sick as you are,
digging into someone's gut,

you still can
proposition a nurse.

I've endowed a dirty old man
to make a pass at you

two years after I'm dead.
It's in my will.

-Okay. You close the skin.
-Right.

Sorry.

How's it goin', folks?

Bleeding's under control.

You look awful, Doctor.

I feel awful. It's a set.

Saline solution
for, uh, irrigation.

Get a--
Get a retractor first.

Father, pull that back,
will you?

All right, get the saline.

Pull it back more.
I can't see in there.

Can you get back more?

-Get some suction.
-Suction.

-All right, that's enough.
-Hawkeye?

Get it back
a little bit more.

-Hawk?
-All right, all right.

It's okay, Hawk,
I got 28 pints of blood.

You're a good man,
Tiny Tim.

-Scalpel.
-Scalpel.

-You okay?
-Scrub up.

-Huh?
-We need help around here.

Kelly, get him ready.
Clamp.

Wait a minute.
I can't operate.

You're not gonna operate.
You're gonna help.

How's my fainting
going to help?

Scrub up!

All right, we're just
about finished, Father.

-Is he all right?
-Better than I am.

Can you close, or do you
want me to get you started?

-I can do it.
-Hawkeye, was I all right?

All right?
I'm putting you in

for the Distinguished
Cross cross.

You're makin'
a terrible mistake.

HAWKEYE:
If we did nothing else,

we got you
to wash your hands.

Yes, sir.

Right this way, Doctor.

-How you doin'?
-Okay.

I finished debriding
the wound.

Hey, you know,
you're better than Frank.

But then, so is the patient.

Radar, you'll be assisting
Margaret Houlihan--

nurse, friend,
and all-around good egg.

He's very sick.

Okay, gang.

Ours is not
to question why.

-Mayo scissors.
-NURSE: Mayo.

Let me have a clamp.

-A what?
-A clamp.

-Which one is a clamp?
-There.

-Metzenbaum scissors.
-Metz.

Okay, let me have
a scalpel now.

-Which one?
-Attention, all personnel.

The sharp one.
Be very careful.

Here is the latest news
from Armed Forces Radio.

Stockholm--

-Dr. Ralph Bunche--
-Kelly.

...has just won
the Nobel Peace Prize.

Moscow--

Joseph Stalin announced

he has been unanimously
re-elected ruler of Russia.

Paris-- The French army
today predicted

it would bring a swift end
to the Vietnamese war.

Detroit--
The automobile industry

reached its production target

of six and a half
million cars.

Korea--

ammunition
and matériel shortages

continue to hinder
the Allied war effort.

Uh, Pierce, in recognition
of your outstanding service

and dedication, and as
a token of our admiration,

um, this scroll
has been signed

by every member
of the 4077th.

That really hits me
where I live. Thanks.

Nice going, buddy.

I'll never be able
to look at this

without thinking
of you, Frank.

You were superb.

Thanks, Chief.

RADAR:
All right, people,
let's break it up.

I ordered bed rest
for this patient.