All language subtitles for MASH.S02E05.Dr.Pierce.and.Mr.Hyde.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

Hey, Charlie.

Let's get these walls
cleaned up, huh?

They look like they need it.

RADAR : Attention!

No wounded are expected
for 24 hours.

Surgical personnel are now
on conditional stand-down.

What are you doin'?

Somebody took my patient.

You finished him.

Well, where's the next one?
Let's go!

Deal me another case.
I got a winning streak here.

Come on, gimme a gown.

Hey, pal, that's it.
We're all done.

Come on.
Let's get outta here.

RADAR: Attention.
At 1300 hours,

Colonel Blake will lecture

on the dangers
of acne in combat.

I never wanted to get to bed
so bad in my whole life.

Wait a second.
I take that back.

There was a nurse
in med school.

When I put my ear to her navel,
I could hear the ocean.

Some night.

Before that,
it was some day.

And before that,
it was some night.

Well, you kept taking
all the chest cases

like you were their
only hope.

Oh, you're right.
I keep forgetting

what wonders
Mercurochrome can do.

Let's hit the sack.

Hello, bed.
This is Captain Pierce.

Can you hear me?

I'm coming in, bed.

Morpheus, don't just
stand there. I'm yours.

What's that-- What's
that I hear? Thunder?

Thunder. Must be thunder.

Avalanche. They get 'em
here in the mountains
all the time.

You go to sleep.

I'll put a hold on
your rocks till morning.

Hey,

you've been carvin'
for 20 straight hours.

Even Albert Schweitzer
takes a rest.

You've gone through
three shifts of nurses.

Really?
And I'm still hungry.

-Sir?
-Can't stop now, Radar.

We got ourselves
new wounded.

Well, sir,
should I send back

those 1941 frozen surplus
chicken wings we got?

I wouldn't.
They're a lot better

than those 1939 surplus
hamburger patties.

All right.

Come on, get smart.

Don't look.
Don't tempt yourself.

Oh, don't worry
about me, pal.

I just wanna see
what I'll be missing.

-Help me sleep better.
-Pierce, get some sack.

Yeah, I just wanna look.
I won't buy anything.

Watch it, watch it!

Look out.

That kid's got chest wounds.
I can spot it a mile off.

Terrific.
Your eyes are perfect.

Thanks! Yours
are cute too, Henry.

One on each
side of your nose,

but we can fix that.

Yeah. Go to bed.

Yeah, who's
gonna put that kid

with the surprised look
back together? You?

You don't know
your rectus abdominus

from your
gluteus maximus.

Look, if I find
something in his chest
I don't recognize,

I'll come
and get ya, okay?

Pierce, you're
asleep on your feet.

Wake me when I'm finished.

I don't want
to miss my nap.

HAWKEYE:
Put a clamp on that.

Hold it with your fingers
until I get in there.

TRAPPER:
Okay, cut that.

-Henry?
-Yeah?

What's he doing in here?

Gee, I don't know, Frank.

He's a doctor,
maybe somebody's sick.

I've been
asleep three times

while he's
gone on operating.

-You know what that means?
-Yeah, you're Sleepy,

and I always
thought you were Dopey.

You're certainly
not Doc. Sponge.

What that means, Colonel,
is that this man

is probably
operating below par.

Nonsense.
I've already had
six holes in one.

Get it?
"Six holes in one?"

A little gallows humor

to relieve
the tremendous pressure.

I must have your body.

And you're off both shifts.

I don't want to see you
with a knife in your hand

for 48 hours.

Taxi.

-Take him home.
-Move it, driver.

There's an extra
five in it for ya

if you get me
there fast.

What country
is this, sirrah?

Do they sleep here?

Hark! A herd of nurse.

Or is that gaggle?

No, that's geese.

Although goose and nurse
don't go together.

On the other hand...

I think I better
get you to bed.

A noble idea. Any takers?

Anybody want to come
to my tent for a drink?

We could talk a little doctor.

Or perhaps play some.

Last chance, ladies.

How do you whistle?

Has something to do with
the lips, doesn't it?

We had a preacher
back home who whistled
while he preached.

I hope he was run out of
town, the filthy hypocrite.

Okay, now let me
get you to bed here

and make sure
you're comfortable.

That's what they all say.

Uh-oh.

What?
What do you hear?

-Slowly I turn.
-Hawkeye.

Step by step, inch by inch.

Hawk, uh, listen, let
somebody else do these, huh?

You're tired.

Radar,
you're not a doctor.

You're a layman,

if I may use that term
so early in the morning.

The human body, aside
from its other wonders,

has glands known
as the adrenals.

Even as I talk to you,

a tiny little man inside me

with a golf cap
and a pink cashmere sweater

is saying to my adrenals
"Okay, fill her up.

My oil and water
are all right."

Really?

Of course,
in some people,

the overproduction
of adrenaline

can lead to compulsive,
even psychotic behavior.

Why are you
staring at me like that?

I'm not staring at you.

It must just be your eyes.

W-What is it?

Wake up.

I thought you were asleep.

Something funny is
happening around here,

and I'm finally
beginning to notice it.

For the past couple of days,

I've been making some very
careful observations.

There's a war going on here.

People walkin' around
with guns.

Uniforms.

Dozens of bodies
coming in by helicopter.

And without exception,
every single one of them
is mangled in some way.

Don't you see?
It all adds up.

There's guns, uniforms,
wounded bodies.

You figured that out, huh?

I'm beginning
to see a pattern.

Why don't you go to sleep?

You're turning into
a 170-pound fruitcake.

If I thought I could stop it
just by going to sleep,

don't you think I'd try?

Look. Close your bulbs,
and it all goes away.

Two or three hours later,
it'll be tomorrow.

And if that gets unbearable,
you check out again.

See how it works.

Somebody-- and it
wasn't you or me--

started this war.
Now who was it?

What, did two guys slap
each other with gloves

and challenge themselves?

It isn't Pearl Harbor.
We already had one of those.

I-I gotta find out
who started it.

And then what?

And then I'll get 'em
to call it off.

Hi, Hawk.

Get some sleep?

No, thanks.
Not while I'm standing.

Okay.

As long as
you're pretending to be
Thomas Edison as a boy,

I'd like to
send a telegram.

Oh, sure,
hold on a second.

Oh, hey, uh...

What does, uh...
"Halacast" mean?

Nothing. Not a thing.

However, we have
a similar word in English

which may interest
you: holocaust.

Yeah?
What's that mean?

An immense conflagration.

Yeah?

A fire. A big fire.
What are you reading?

"Captain Marvel and His
Form-fitting Underpants?"

Oh, no, I'm just
catchin' up on my history.

-Oh. War Comics.
-Yeah.

I knew I shoulda
waited for the book.

Oh, World War II.

A lot of nice songs
came out of that war.

♪ I'll be home
for Christmas ♪

♪ You can count on me

You know that song?

Uh...

No, I guess that was
a little before my time.

I remember
lying on the rug

listening to them
sing that on the radio.

I can still smell the rug.

♪ Please have snow

♪ And mistletoe

♪ And presents...
on the tree ♪

A lot of very
touching songs

came out of that war.

♪ When the Fuührer says ♪

♪ "Ve iz the master race"

♪ We Heil!
♪ Heil!

♪ Right in
the Fuührer's face ♪

Uh, right, uh...

I guess you wanna send
that telegram now, huh?

My very thought, Mercury.
Not a minute to lose.

Okay, shoot.

To, uh, Harry S. Truman,
uh, The White House.

And, uh, a copy
the Secretary General,
United Nations.

Uh...

Uh, Dear Harry,

Who's responsible?

Sign that
"Affectionately,

a dissatisfied customer."

-Come on, let's go! Send it.
-All right.

Let me know the minute
you get an answer.

-Hey, Doc.
-Hello.

Charlie Hunt.

Listen, I've been lookin'
all over for you.

I don't want you to go up
in your helicopter anymore.

-It's not your fault.
-Huh?

You just don't understand
the relationship, probably.

When you go up in the air,

all your stretchers
are empty, right?

-Sure.
-Yeah.

Yeah, but, see,
when you come back,

there's always a kid,
or a portion of him,

in one of the
stretchers, right?

Well, I can't let
you do that anymore.

Nobody goes up,
nobody gets hurt.

That's very
interesting, Doc.

Okay. Sure, Doc.

You won't be out of a job.

We can turn your
chopper into, uh...

a flying saloon

or a house of ill
repute in the sky.

Okay, that's done.

Now I can...
get some sleep.

I need a 50cc syringe
with a 15 needle.

Get him inside right away!

He's got a tension
pneumothorax.

If we get the air
out of his chest,

we can save the lungs.

Start the IV with
whole blood, stat.

Listen, Pierce!

You were ordered
to stand down.

I did, but I fell up again.

Oh, uh, lemme see, uh...

The Lone Ranger?
Very good.

You've gone against
orders, Pierce.

Somebody else
could've operated.

I asked the kid to sit
in the waiting room,

but he's read
all our magazines.

I'm gonna be frank
with you, Pierce.

You're gonna
be Frank with me?

-I mean blunt.
-Oh, that's good.

Otherwise, Frank would
try to be Henry with me.

I don't think
I could stand that.

Now, you pay
close attention.

Can you understand
what I'm saying?

Why? Is there something
wrong with your mouth?

No, I'm fine.

The problem is you've
been on 24-hour call

three nights this week.

Three times 24. Um...

Look, Doctor,
no matter what comes in,

I'm putting you to bed.

You're the second person
to make me that offer.

I must be obvious
or something.

I'm sorry, Henry,
I have to disappoint you.

I just gotta get some sleep.

A message from
General Clayton, sir.

He's madder than hell,

and is comin' down here
to find out who did it.

Well, you can
hardly blame him.

Yes, sir.

Coming down here
to find out who did what?

Someone sent a telegram
to President Truman, sir.

A telegram?
To President Harry S. Truman?

-That president?
-Yes, sir, that's the one.

Was it dirty?

Oh, no, sir. All--

It just said, uh,
"Who's responsible?"

Oh...

For what?

Well, I don't know, sir.

That's what the general
wants to find out.

Well, then he'd better
get down here right away!

Oh, yes, sir,
and he's on his way.

-Good thinking.
-Thank you, sir.

Oh, better get
that garter belt

and that other stuff
out of my tent.

Uh, yes, sir.

Oh, and, uh...

do we have enough sherry and
ginger ale for the general?

Oh, nobody does, sir.

Oh, fine then. If nobody
does, we don't have to,

but make sure we do,
just in case we don't.

Don't you believe
in knocking?

No, if I can't say
something nice
about somebody...

What do you want?

Sorry to bother you, Major,

but I have something
of major importance

I had to discuss
with the major.

Where's Frank?

You mean Major Burns?

You sure he's not in here

sniffing your dress shields
or something?

Major Burns
is in the mess tent.

You know he gives
an orientation lecture

every Friday afternoon.

Why, then... are we here?

A very good question.

Let me try to answer
that question with...

an answer.

The American presence
is present in Korea

at the request
of the United Nations.

We're here
to keep the peace,

to keep the enemy back
behind the 38th Parallel

where they came from,

or else they'll spread
south down Korea,

turn left, and
the next thing we know,

they'll be marching down
Main Street, USA.

There's a great deal
I could tell you
about this, men,

but, uh, the essence
of good teaching

is to answer
the questions

that are uppermost
in your mind.

Now, just ask
anything at all.

Whatever is most--
uppermost in your minds.

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

Anyone who has a question
on the topic at hand?

Any one of the enlisted men

who's required to be here,
that has a question.

Oh, come on, Frank,
I got a question.

Captain Pierce.

Why are we here?

I believe I just
explained that, Captain.

No, I mean, what--

what's the--
what's the war about?

-Why do--

What do-what do--
How did it start?

The communists, Pierce!

And don't try
to make fun of this.

This is serious business.

I'm not makin' fun, Frank.

I'm trying to figure this out.

What--

Why should North Korea
wanna take over America?

Is it something we said,
something we didn't say?

Let me tell you
something, Pierce.

These Godless communists
have run their own countries

right into the ground,

while we've been building

the highest standard
of living in the world!

Half of these people over here
never even saw a bathroom.

And believe you me,
they want one!

They do?

You bet your life they do.

And if they can't get
our bathrooms by subversion,

they'll get them by war!

They can have mine.

I'd be glad to
keep my legs crossed

until after the war.

That was just
a figure of speech.

I can't take your
picture now, Radar.

Come back later

and we'll get
a pony and do it right.

Uh, I've been looking
all over for ya.

You can even
ride the pony

when we're finished.

Stick around.
I do beautiful work.

I like that. It sells.

Pierce!

I want you to know
you ruined my lecture.

It was a disgraceful
thing to do.

You're taking
a picture of a latrine?

Very observant, Frank.

What am I doing now?

What are you doing?

Still taking
a picture of a latrine.

It was a trick question.

He's absolutely
blabbering.

Psst!

May one ask why

you are taking
a picture of a latrine?

Why is North Korea
shooting at us?

What do we have that they
could possibly want?

We have guns.
They have guns.

We have tanks.
They have tanks.

You gave me
the clue, Frank.

This war will
go down in history

as the Battle
of the Bathroom.

He's joking.

I'm sending these
pictures to the North

with an offer
and my personal word

that we'll stop
if they'll stop.

Somebody ought to
put him to bed.

You, too?

What is this strange
power I have

that makes people
wanna get me to bed?

Pierce, return to your tent
and get some sleep.

That's a direct order
I gave you, Pierce.

Frank!

Well, he was close.

He's out on my feet.

We gotta do something
about Hawkeye, Henry.

He's actin' more and more
like a-- like a noodle.

I have my own
rear end to worry about.

General Clayton's
due here any minute.

Some dodo's been
sending telegrams

to the President
from this camp.

Uh, sir, I can
identify the dodo.

It was Captain Pierce.

How do you know?

Uh, I sent it.

Well, why didn't ya tell me?

Well, I was only
tryin' to help.

I didn't want him
to get into trouble.

Oh, you don't care about
me getting in trouble.

Well, you don't
need any help.

While we're on the subject
of trouble, Henry--

-Yeah?
-I think you should know.

Hawkeye's planning
to send the officers'
latrine to North Korea.

Well, that's very friendly.

Friendly, sir?

Yeah, it's a nice gesture.

But if we send
them our latrine,

what are we
gonna do for one?

I mean, you can
carry friendship,

not to mention
latrines, a bit far.

What about
the general, sir?

Well, he must have
his own latrine.

I mean, a one-star general,
surely he's got--

Henry, Hawkeye's
gotta be sedated.

Well, then put him away.
Bomb him!

You guys are really
gonna help me?

Oh, sure.

Yeah, we want the war
over too, Hawk.

Let others sit idly by, huh?

As my grandfather,
Sparky Pierce, used to say,

there are some who do
and some who don't.

He was doing six months

in the New Hampshire
License Plate Academy

when he said it.

Ah, 3:00 was a very good hour.

Shall we drink
to your plan?

To peace.

To peace and the American
way of plumbing.

Gentlemen...

it's time to
bring tranquillity

to this troubled peninsula.

When's he gonna
fall down?

I don't know.

Rasputin swallowed
a whole drugstore

and didn't even belch.

Now, wait
right here, son.

I'll only be a minute.

Ooh! Ah! Ooh. Ah.

Sir? Sir, sir!

Uh, sir, uh, don't
go in there, General.

Out of my way,
soldier,

or I'll have you
court-martialed

for interfering with an
officer's bodily functions.

Ah...

ah...

Ah, Hawkeye!

Don't, don't. Uh...

Hawkeye, don't!

GENERAL: Sergeant!
Get me outta here!

Do you know who I am!

Let me outta here!

Wait a minute!

Where are we going?

Sergeant! Sergeant!

Well, he drove
about 500 yards,

then the stuff hit him,
and he lost altitude.

That's your cuckoo stunts.

-4 on the 5.
-Oh, yeah.

Taking a general for a ride
to North Korea in a latrine.

HAWKEYE:

HENRY: Mclntyre,

what makes him
do these things?

He's just unstable.

He took this weird oath
as a young man

never to just stand around
and watch people die.

I took the same oath, pal.
I didn't ask to be here.

Yeah. Me, neither.

I guess that makes
about 80,000 of us.

-You know what?
-Hmm.

If we had any guts,

you, me, and the Masked
Marvel there

would take the next latrine
out of here and go home.

Put the queen on the king.
The queen on the king.