All language subtitles for MASH.S02E04.For.the.Good.of.the.Outfit.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

Will you start
the drip on that IV?

Yeah, nurse, when you
get a chance, come here.

FRANK:
Give me a BP on it.

Get me a bottle
of O-positive blood.

Yes, Doctor.

-Okay, suture scissors.
-Scissors.

-Okay.
-4-0 silk.

4-0 silk. Keith.

Beautiful stitching, Frank.

Well, thanks.

You used to do
baseball gloves, right?

Just ignore him,
Frank.

TRAPPER:
All right at this table?

HAWKEYE: Yeah.
Go get me some...

MARGARET: Nurse,
do you wanna come here

and hold this back
for me, please?

Got enough shrapnel here
to make a 9 iron.

That's 12 fragments
so far.

This guy's a walking
junkyard, too.

Hey, are all these
people Koreans?

NURSE:
When you get a chance,
come here.

Now that you mention it...

If you'd read
the surgery schedule,

you'd know they were.

The village of Tai-Dong
was shelled this morning.

Well, they were
probably asking for it.

FRANK: 4-0 silk.

Washing their babies,
having breakfast,

committing other
acts of aggression.

Hey, I was in Tai-Dong last
week. Forceps.

There's no enemy artillery
anywhere near that place.

I insist on
quiet in here.

Will someone please turn
the war down for Frank?

NURSE: Do you have
enough light, Doctor?

TRAPPER: Can we trust
the drip on that I.V.?

Hey, Trap.
Look at this.

Here we are,

and here's
the village of Tai-Dong,

about eight kilometers
south of--

Henry!

Eight kilometers
south of us.

I'm listening.

You mind
looking at Korea?

Every single morning.

You know, I've been
here all these months,

and sometimes I still
wake up and wonder,

"What has my wife
done to the bedroom?"

Henry, this morning,
the village of Tai-Dong
was shelled,

and the only artillery
unit anywhere near it

was the 348th.

Which of them
are they?

It is not "they"
and it is not "them".

It is "us," the good guys.

We clobbered 'em.

-Oops.
-At least.

Now you wanna dig out
the "oops" forms

and tell the whole
class about it?

-Radar--
-Sir?

Instant corporal.

-You wanna get me the forms--
-Pierce, hold it.

Look, this is
a very serious charge.

I mean, you've got to have
some proof, for Pete's sake.

Let's not go off
half-cocked.

Well, then let's
go off all-cocked,
but let's go off.

Get me the forms,
will ya?

What forms am I getting?

The ones he wants.

Oh, that Tai-Dong thing.

Hey, just
what we thought.

I checked with
a guy in Artillery.

These fragments
are as American

as apple pie
and Napalm.

Uh, what was that
about proof, Henry?

I just want to remind you
how thrilled the army is

about people
who rock the boat.

Women and colonels
first, Henry.

Anyway, we're not
in the army.

That is, we're in the army,
but we're not Army.

Little A,
as opposed to big A.

Uh-huh.

Well, you file that report,

and the army's
gonna put your big A

and your little A
in a sling.

-Radar?
-Sir?

If you want me,
I won't be anywhere.

Yes, sir.

Hawkeye, here you go.

Is that everything?
You got all the, uh,

all the necessary forms?

There's enough
red tape in there

to keep anybody happy.

We want the army to
take responsibility
for the shelling.

And full compensation
for the village.

Are you guys making
this report together?

Why not?

And then afterwards,
hand in hand,

we're jumping off
Lover's Leap.

Boy, you sure got guts, sirs.

Well, if we don't,
we know where to get 'em.

-We're doctors.
-Well, I mean, uh,

you're the first
officers I ever saw

who would, uh, stick
by their principles,
no matter what.

Except for that colonel

who reported
the P.X. kickbacks.

What colonel?

You know.
Private Johnson?

MAN :
Attention, all personnel.

Due to circumstances
beyond our control,

lunch will be served today.

Before we get
to work on these,

how about a wee drop
of the creature?

I'm driving,
so I'll just have a double.

-This a new batch?
-The newest.

Dry enough for you?

Is what dry enough?

I'm trying a new
filter system:

charcoal
and sweat socks.

Okay, let's see here.
"Type of engagement:

Air strike, armored attack,
artillery, atomic."

Nice, huh?
Multiple choice disasters.

Listen to this.

"In completing
attached Form 2759,

"stroke 6-J-12,

delete printed reference
to World War II

and substitute
'Korean Police Action'."

This is surplus.

The least they could do

is give our war
its own stationery.

Well, what have we
gotta do here?

Well, I see
the bar is open...

again, hmm?

Pigpen. Brothel.

-Here, sir.
-Yo!

Eh.

Where's my razor?

Shaving your legs
again, Frank?

I don't think it's so
all-fired sophisticated

to walk around
with a beard.

Well, you ought to try
it sometime, Frank.

-Women love it.
-Oh, I'll bet.

Really, come here.

Kiss me.

-Caught ya!
-At what?

Making one of your obscene
gestures behind my back.

Which one?

You know, the one that--

Frank.

Truce, okay? Truce?

Ha! Last time
we had a truce,

I found peanut butter
in my stethoscope.

Frank, we're gonna
submit a report to Seoul

about the shelling
of Tai-Dong.

We were the three surgeons
on duty, Frank.

We all should sign it.

Are you guys loony?

I'm not getting involved.
I'm not signing anything.

And I never knock
any team I'm on.

Frank, I'm sorry,
all right?

-For what?
-Everything. All of it.

The-- The peanut butter
in your stethoscope.

The ether in your aftershave.

And autographing
my mother's picture?

"Dear Frank,
Dad was not your father."

"Love, Mom"?

We'll give you
a blanket sorry.

Just sign this
for old times' sake.

For new times' sake.

I'm not making
any waves. Mm-mm.

Frank, come on, listen.

You can't turn your back
on those people.

You operated on some of them.

I don't remember
operating on anyone.

Oh, really? What about
all this iron confetti

you're saving
for a souvenir?

Oh, give me those fragments!

You guys are not
gonna get me in Dutch!

Frank, one decent act.

If you don't like it,
you don't have to
do it again.

Oh, go fish!

Attention.
P.F.C. Lester Pasco

will pay five dollars
for a hot letter from home.

Colonel Blake?

I don't start till 9:00.

Leave your name
with my service.

Sir, this is your service.

There's someone important
here to see you.

-How do you know?
-He has a briefcase.

Come in.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

Uh, sir, I'll take
this stuff back to
the, uh, laundry

that made this
terrible mistake.

Thank you.

Uh, Colonel, this is,
uh, Major Stoner,

Adjutant Inspector General.

Oh, my.

This is somewhat of
a frightening honor.

I'm here because
our office received

a Form 2759 stroke 6J12.

Oh, I can well imagine.

Uh, well, look, why don't
you just, uh, sit down here,

-uh, Major?
-Thank you.

Make yourself...

on that-- Ahem.

Um, just exactly,
uh, what is a 2759,
uh stroke whatever?

I know it's too big
for a shoe size.

This 2759 is a what?

It's a request
for an investigation,

filed by two
of your surgeons--

uh, Captain Benjamin
Franklin Pierce--

Hawkeye.

and Captain John McIntyre?

Trapper.

-Colonel?
-Hmm?

Uh, this matter is
highly classified.

Classified?

Not for everyone's ears.

Oh, sure.

Well, the corporal's
been thoroughly cleared.

I did it myself.

I beg your pardon?

Uh, Radar,
didn't you fill out

those top-secret
forms on yourself?

Yes, sir.

And didn't I sign
where you told me?

-Uh, yes, sir.
-Well, there you go.

Clear as mother's milk.

Uh, are you clear, Colonel?

Uh, well, didn't we
clear each other?

Corporal?

Yes, sir.

Try "ma'am" once!

Yes, ma'am. Sorry.

Where's Colonel Blake?

He went off
with Major Stoner.

-Major Stoner?
-Yes, sir.

You stand up when you
address an officer!

Yes, sir.

Now, do I know anything
about this Major Stoner?

I don't know that you know
anything at all, sir.

Where is Major Stoner?

He's gone off
with Colonel Blake.

I wonder
where he's from.

- Bloomington, Illinois.
- What?

The colonel's from
Bloomington. It's a town.

I'm from Iowa myself,

which is quite a coincidence
when you think about it.

Where the major is from.

Oh, he's from the
Inspector General's office.

Tai-Dong. Let's go.

You will continue to stand
till I leave your sight!

-It'll be a pleasure, ma'am.
-Sir!

Uh, yes, sir, ma'am.

Change the dressing, Ginger,

and then she can go back
to whatever's left of her home.

Orders on the other two?

Yeah, discontinue I.V.,
start 'em on clear liquids.

Uh, Pierce?

Uh, Pierce, this
is Major Stoner,

Inspector General's office.

-Oh.
-Captain Pierce.

Captain, I'm here
about your request,

an investigation of
the alleged shelling
at Tai-Dong.

-Alleged?
-Pierce.

These patients
look alleged to you?

This woman was almost
alleged to death.

Oh, now, Captain,
hold it.

Oh, oh, one of those
"hold it" fellas, huh?

I'm going ahead
with this, Major.

I don't care how much
you threaten me.

You never threatened
him, Major.

Pierce, come on.
Don't start that
threatening talk.

-I'm warning you.
-Captain,

I'm here to get
this investigation rolling,

and I'm counting
on your cooperation.

I should tell you
I admire the courage

it took to report
this incident.

Antipersonnel fragments.

-Ours.

Full set of X-rays.

Complete medical profiles
on all the victims.

Complete.

Gentlemen,
this is a hospital.

Well, these, uh,
shrapnel fragments

-should be the clincher.
- Move back.

There could even be
a commendation in it
for you, Pierce.

Oh, no, just a simple
honorable discharge

and, say, 50,000
a year, tax-free,

but that's negotiable.

Colonel Blake?

Oh, uh, Major Houlihan,
Major Stoner.

-Major.
-Major.

Major, Major Burns,
Major Stoner.

-Major.
-Major.

-Major Pierce.
-Major.

Well, I think we've made
a major breakthrough here.

Uh, I was on duty that day
with Pierce and McIntyre.

In fact, I was
ranking surgeon.

Well, then, you should
have filed the report.

-Uh...
-He was involved with a case.

It takes a long time
to filet a patient.

Where do I sign?

The report's already
been processed.

Uh, needless to say, this
is very sensitive material.

Top secret. Total silence
must be observed.

Understood, Colonel?

Oh, uh,
cross my heart.

And, uh, Pierce,
you'll be hearing from us.

Good enough.

-Shall we?
-Yes.

Why didn't you
let him sign?

Let him?
We begged him to.

We begged him to do
the decent thing.

Frank?

Well, how do I know
what the decent thing is?

Clever, the way
the cook sculpts grease

into the shape
of lamb chops.

What are we eating?

Don't ask me. I only had
a year of postmortem.

Uh, can I get
a few details from you?

-About what?
-Uh, the Tai-Dong business.

I'm filing my own report

on the number of
wounded and mutilated.

I feel the more,
the merrier, don't you?

Has a nice
Genghis Khan feeling.

What does that mean?

Nothing.
Welcome aboard.

Thanks.

Now, I send this right
to Stoner, right?

If you can reach him.

A week and a half,
he hasn't come to the phone.

That's a long time to
spend in the bathroom.

Well, he is an officer.

Hey, we made the papers.

"Tai-Dong shelled.

"The army revealed
that the South Korean
village of Tai-Dong

"sustained damage
and casualties

as a result of enemy
artillery attack."

Enemy artillery?

Any questions?

Well, I'm certainly glad

the army
straightened that out.

Now we know
how Dreyfus felt

when he read his story
in Stars and Stripes.

Uh, Major Stoner?

Uh, yes, this is
the 4077th MASH calling.

Hold on for
Colonel Henry Blake.

You're on.

STONER:
Colonel, how are you?

Not too good, actually.

I just read your story
in Stars and Stripes,

and my belly button fell out.

Who is this?
Captain Pierce?

No, Sucker Pierce
and his sidekick
Huckleberry Dumbbell.

Oh, well, uh,
look, Captain, uh,

I just got back
from Okinawa,

and the first thing
that hit me

was that copy
of Stars and Stripes.

Frankly, I was shocked.

I would think
you would be.

Well, look, Pierce,

I promise ya,
heads will roll.

I'm going to
the top on this one.

You'll get your satisfaction.

The people of Tai-Dong
will be taken care of.

You have my word.

Okay, Major.

-Goodbye.
-Bye.

Nu?

The major happens to be
the Korean distributor

for crapola.

Gentlemen, I believe
the ball is in our court.

Dear Dad,

you always said Senator Baxter
was good for a favor

because of all your
work in the primaries.

Well, I got a favor
that needs doing.

There's a little village
over here called Tai-Dong.

Or at least there was.

Wanna play sardines
tonight?

-Sardines?
-My tent. I'll bring the oil.

-Hawkeye, can I see
you for a second?
-One second.

What's up, Radar?

Uh, well, I have
this, uh, problem.

Radar, Radar, we give
you these lectures,

we show you these
training films.

No, no, come on,
listen, I'm seri--

Uh, if a certain
MD doctor around here

sent off
a certain letter

to a certain,
uh, male parent,
not his mother,

to get in touch with
a certain senator

about a certain favor,

he shouldn't
be too certain

that that letter
didn't end up

in a certain
whole other place.

I didn't do it!

Your mail's being
stopped at Division HQ.

That letter was between
me and my father, damn it!

Hey!

I just got her.

Now I've gotta
glue the arm.

I'll glue you, Henry.

Whatever happened
to personal liberty
around here?

Why am I bothering
to ask?

Maybe I better just
go down to Seoul

and tell this
to the papers.

Or to Edward R. Murrow,
if he's in town.

-Pierce.
-What is it? What?

I wouldn't try to leave camp.

Wh-Wh-- I'm under arrest?

I didn't say that.
You're restricted.

That means I'm under arrest.

Not at all.

You're only restricted
up to the point

where you're, uh, uh,
where you're, um...

you're under arrest.

Henry, what's
happened to you?

You sneak off behind
our backs and enlist?

You regular army now?

Sit down, Pierce.
That's an order.

You're forcing me
to stand.

Please sit down.

That's an order
I can take.

Now, just hold
your bladder, Pierce.

This poop sheet's
just come in

from General Clayton's
office down in Seoul.

The army has started
rebuilding Tai-Dong.

It's gonna be better
than it ever was.

All new housing,
a temple,

a town hall
with inside toilets,

a shopping center, and...

they're getting the first
soft-ice-cream stand

in all of East Asia.

-Well?
-That's terrific.

I'm glad.

Now, what about
rebuilding the truth?

The what?

This is compensation.

Where's their admission
of responsibility?

Well, soft ice cream is
a pretty good admission.

Who are you calling?

I'm going right over your
fly to General Clayton.

-Radar!
-Wait a minute.

What do you want
to call the general for?

You got one out of two.
You're batting .500.

-Radar!
-The general's on his
way here, Hawkeye.

I begged you not
to call the general.

-Now he's on his way.
-You broke the other arm.

And I broke
the other arm.

Uh, here's the glue, sir.

You can't get arms.

Ah, Pierce, McIntyre.

Nice to see you
taking it easy.

No, uh, wounded, huh?

Except for us.

That sense of humor.

Disgusting.

Look at them, sucking
up to the general.

-Henry.
-General.

Say, how would you, um,

you know, just
to get it started,

like a little refreshment?

Wanna slip into your
barbecue apron, Henry?

No, no, I mean a drink.

How would you like a drink?

You know, as kind
of an ice-breaker?

Oh, I don't think
that'll be necessary.

Well, I don't, either.
It was just a thought.

-What'll you have?
-My usual.

Comin' up. One sherry
and ginger ale.

All right, men.
Let's talk Tai-Dong.

General, we get the
distinct impression

that your people have been
pouring tons of manure

on this whole thing,
in the hope

that something
beautiful will grow.

Oh, Pierce, I don't
think you should say

"manure" to the general.

If the shoe fit.

Well, there is that.

We've been getting
double talk in triplicate.

Unanswered calls.

I've seen the plans for
the rebuilding, General.

Censored mail.

Inside toilets,
soft ice cream.

Makes you feel the
whole war is worthwhile.

-Hope that's okay.
-Mmm.

A little more ginger ale?

Look, that's fine.
Just bring the check.

We're doing everything
we can for these people.

We've awarded a contractor
a $6 million rebuilding deal.

Oh, that's a fair price
for a $2 million job.

Comes out to about
$100,000 per head
we knocked off.

Now hold it, fella.
The other guy did that.

It was a North Korean
attack.

It was in
all the papers.

Look, General, we operated
on a lot of those casualties.

We got X-rays,
medical records.

We've even got
shrapnel fragments.

You've got 'em all.

We gave them
to Major Stoner.

Stoner?

Stoner?

Oh, yes, yes, uh,
he's doing a bang-up job

for ComServPac
in Honolulu.

Uh-oh.

Put all your fragments
in your ComServPac

and smile, smile, smile.

Look, boys, a little
fatherly advice, huh?

You're not regular Army.

You think you're
gonna leave here

and pick up your civilian
practice and that's that.

Listen, everything
they put on your record,

like "agitator,"
"boat-rocker,"

is gonna follow you.

The Army's
got mighty long arms.

-Oh, come on.
-Let me finish, Captain.

I was just gonna
suggest that.

You find your work here
difficult and distasteful.

But you are back here,
behind the lines.

It's relatively calm.

Oh, definitely.
I was thinking

of building a house
here after the war.

You could easily
find yourself assigned

to a first aid station
right where it's happening.

You serious?

I'm getting pressure
from above.

Now look-look,
let's play ball, huh?

For the good of the outfit.

You don't wanna give
the red, white, and blue

a black eye, do you?

Boy, that gets ya right
where ya live, sir.

I gotta hand it
to you, General.

You buried the evidence,

you got rid of the guy
who knew the evidence,

and now, if we press this,

you'll, uh, take away
our breathing privileges.

Well done, General.

Take another star
out of petty cash.

General Clayton,
we'd like to see you, sir.

Uh, not now, ladies.

I got a stake in
this, too, General,

and I'm not going
to be left out.

Fair is fair.

Major Burns was
on duty that day.

Indeed I was. I pulled
American shrapnel

out of those poor
villagers myself.

Luckily, he saved
some of the fragments.

Under my pillow.

The fragment fairy
will reward you.
Go on, Frank.

Uh, no need to.
This matter is closed.

They're getting
a brand-new temple.

It's never even
been prayed in.

I also have these X-rays

and completely documented
medical records.

Go, Frank, go.

Now, the thought
of commendation

never entered my mind
when I decided to report

this terrible but
very human mistake

made by a few of our own

brutal but well-meaning
fighting men.

The signed affidavits
are by Major Burns

and by myself,
who was also there.

This requires a little
rethink and re-evaluation.

We re-agree
with you, General.

-Henry, get me a driver.
-Certainly.

The general's driver's
waiting, sir.

Well, even the Army
has to take its lumps.

I guess this is
one of those times.

-Sir, um--
-We'll send this to you

after we read our story
in Stars and Stripes.

Page 1 this time.

Yeah, not back on page 14
under pro station addresses.

All right,
I'll tell you what.

You write it up,
I'll get it printed.

Your gun, sir.

Oh, you forgot your driver!

Aren't they something?

TRAPPER:
I love 'em.

Take her. He's mine.

McIntyre, get away
from me! Stop it!

You leave her alone!

-Frank, Frank!
-You leave me alone!

Frank, you know
you love it.

Pierce, you are
a degenerate person.

Uh, Hawkeye.

Uh, Hawkeye, you busy?

Just changing a tire.
What is it?

Uh, this letter came
special delivery.

I thought it might
be important.

With your luck,
you've been drafted.

Hold this, nurse.

Hold your own nurse.
I'm busy.

All right, read the letter.

I wanna close the peritoneum.

Give me 3-0 chromic GI.

-Are you ready?
-Yeah.

Uh, "May 24, 1951.

Dear son..."
It's from your father.

Good guess.

Uh, "I'm afraid
Senator Baxter

"can't be of much
help to you.

"It seems he was just indicted

"for influence peddling,

"and faces 20 years
in the pokey."

Uh, there's more.

Uh, "Sure makes me
sorry I stuffed

"the ballot box for him.

-Love, Dad."