All language subtitles for MASH.S02E03.Radars.Report.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

RADAR :
To Headquarters,
Seoul, Commanding General.

From 4077th MASH,

Lieutenant Colonel
Henry Blake,

commanding officer.

Subject: Weekly activity
report and personnel record.

Period: 17 October,
22 October,

inclusive, 1951.

17 October.

Incoming wounded
unusually heavy.

All surgical personnel on
full alert working 24 hours.

Uh, Radar?

Uh, would you toss me the keys
to the linen room, please?

Thanks, pal.

RADAR :
Among incoming
surgical cases:

One enemy prisoner.

Subheading: Infantry.
Subheading: Chinese Communist.

Description of prisoner
wound attached.

See schedule under Wounds,
Chinese, Communist.

Details of incident
in O.R. follows.

Pickups. You're new here.

Yes, sir.
Lieutenant Erika Johnson.

You're built very nicely
for a lieutenant.

Another suture.
I'm Hawkeye.

A little suction here, okay?

Hmm, nice touch.

Beautiful eyes.
If you do windows, you're hired.

Henry, there's
too much chatter in here!
Too much chatter!

BLAKE:
Forget it, Frank.

-Just operate.
-Is that what he's doing?

I've seen better surgeons
at religious sacrifices.

I've been operating for years

and I've never had any
complaints from my patients.

How many talking horses
are there?

-Got any plans for later?
-No.

More suction.
How about a cup of coffee?

Go for a ride in an ambulance
with the top down?

Okay.

Great.

Just my luck, under that mask
you don't have any teeth.

In that case,
the date's off.

Not necessarily.
I've been here a long time.

Okay, okay, this kid's
all ready to go.
He's all retreaded.

Let's go. Get him out of here.
Come on. Let's go.

You're gonna be okay, pal.

Come on.
You got a new team here?

Oh, boy, look what
this guy's got.

Look at that.

What is this?
Are we operating
on Communists now?

He's a wounded prisoner, Frank.
They brought him in with
the last batch.

-He's had 50 of Demerol.
-Take it easy, Hawk.

The way they're brainwashed,
he thinks we're gonna carve
him up and eat him.

"Bungchow."
That means peace
and friendship.

All right, Gwen, let me see
this other picture here.

He's got a small
bullet wound in the rump.

Yeah. All right,
okay, put him under.

In cases like this,
an hour after you operate
you're hungry again.

-Hey, kiddo,
get back on the table!

Get away from here, you nut!

All right, watch it.
He's got a knife.

-What's he gonna do?
-NURSE: Careful.

All right, just stay calm
everybody.

Don't panic. Calm down.

Nobody move.

Help, guard! Mayday!

-Bungchow!
-Somebody grab him!

Bungchow! Bungchow!

There goes the I.V.!
He's contaminated
the whole field!

And that's the last bottle
of A-B negative blood we've got.

Nurse! Nurse!

Bungchow!
Oh, please, bungchow!

Easy. It's okay now.
No one's gonna hurt you.
No, no, just give...

No, no, no.
No one's gonna hurt you.

Give me the knife. Come on.

Give me the knife. Come on.

-Give me a sponge.

-She's hurt!
-Okay, kid, just relax,
all right?

Just take it easy now.
Just calm down.

Take it easy.
It's all right.

What's all the hoo-ha?

Are you crazy?
You wrecked a $39 dress.

Your people will pay for this.

Father Mulcahey tried to calm
the prisoner by yelling
"bungchow,"

thinking it was Chinese
for "peace and friendship."

Unfortunately,
it really means,

"Your daughter's
pregnancy brings much
joy to our village."

P.W. surgery completed
by Captain Pierce.

Prisoner recaptured
by Corporal Max Klinger...

who sustained loss
of personal property.

Please see requisition form
S427J-9,

requesting replacement
of one brassiere,

brand name,
Miss High Rise,

36 B-cup.

I had that kid five,
maybe ten minutes away
from closing.

How could you let
him grab a knife?

It was a new experience
for me, too.

My patients don't grab
a knife until after
they've seen the bill.

He's going sour on me,
you know.

Temperature 102.

Vital signs are lousy--
the works.

I have every confidence
in you, Dr. Hackenbush.

Here.
I made you a nice cup of tea.

I don't feel like any.

You make it very hard
for a guy to be a Gray Lady.

Chateau Hawkeye, '51.

A very good year.

The cheeky little wine.

They call it the
"rascal of the vineyards."

Red or white?

Hash for dinner.
I think red.

I'm bringing this
to Erika's.

Just like you to poison
an innocent girl.

-How's she doing?
-Oh, she's fine.

Prisoner just winged her.

Superficial, but it should
be good for a week in Tokyo.

-Accompanied by
her personal physician.
-Personal physician.

It figures.
Cutting up a nurse
is bad enough.

But why the hell did he
have to louse up my patient?

Come on, Trap. Ease off.
The guy was terrified out
of his skull.

I'll tell that
to the kid in bed six.

If I ever get him
conscious again.

You do your part
and I'll do mine.

MAN :
Attention, Major Houlihan.

Your chest X-rays are
ready and they really
came out beautiful.

Pierce, what's
the big idea saluting me?

We all have
our bad days, Frank.

-What are you doing?

I was, uh--

Can't a guy
have a wash and set

without somebody
biting him on the neck?

-Biting who?
-I was biting you.

No, you weren't,
you were biting me!

Klinger, what are you
doing in here?

Borrowing your
shampoo, Major.

It's wartime.
We all gotta help each other.

No, we don't!
You get out of here,
you pervert!

Pervert? Who bit who, Major?

Out!

Out!

I've had enough
of his shenanigans.
I'm going to talk to Henry.

I want that freak
out of this outfit
and out of the U.S. Army!

Oh, Frank,
you're so exciting

when you get all riled up
and decisive.

I am?

Frank, would you like
to bite the real thing?

Ah.
That's really nice.

Thanks.
Uh, is this wine?

Well, you could
call it that, I guess.

Just keep it away from
open flame or living tissue.

I'm glad
you're feeling better.

Just a bit throbby,
that's all.

You know, in a way,
I'm not sorry it happened.

Come again?

Well, we can always
tell our children,

"Your mother and I met
at a stabbing.

"We were introduced
by a berserk Chinese Communist.

It was love at first blood."

What's the prognosis?

I'm afraid I have bad news
for you.

-What?
-You have only
ten seconds to kiss me.

Let's listen to
the old heart, shall we?

Listen, Lieutenant,
I gotta shove off.

But you just got here.

Well, like, there's a lot...

-What?
-Uh... a lot of sick people.

At ease, everybody.
Sit if you like.

Now, Burns,
you wanted to see me?

Yes, and it's
very important.

What's the problem, Frank?

We have a situation
that's way out of hand,

and something
has to be done.

I've sent for Corporal
Klinger, sir.

Klinger?
What do I want Klinger for?

Because it directly concerns
him and it's serious.

-Better send for him
right away, Radar.
-Oh, yes, sir.

-Go ahead, Frank.
-Corporal Klinger has got to go.

He's a menace
to the discipline

and morale of this
military establishment.

Well, that's a very
serious charge.

Get Klinger over here
right away.

Yes, sir.

Colonel...

Frank, please try
to say something.

Even a gurgling sound
would help.

Look, you keep this up
and someone's gonna do
an autopsy on you.

I've had it with
that clown Klinger.

He's degraded all of us
for the last time.

Corporal Klinger
reporting, sir.

Please, sit down.

Thank you.

At ease.

Okay, he's here.
Let's have it.

What's wrong with Klinger?

"What's wrong
with Klinger"?

A soldier stands
in your office

in an evening gown
and you ask what's wrong?

I'll admit, he's no Lana Turner.

I don't usually wear
floor-length during the day.

-Oh.
-BURNS: Henry?

This moron is bucking
for a section eight discharge,

and I want you
to help him get it.

Bless you, sir.

Section eight is
a pretty drastic matter.

Believe me, sir,
I am drastic.

Colonel, we can
always take it

directly to the
adjutant general.

RADAR :
Acting on complaint
of Majors Burns and Houlihan,

Colonel Blake has
requested psychiatrist
from headquarters

to determine if
Corporal Klinger
can be discharged

under section eight.

Crazy people.

-Did I tell you?
-What?

I told you you'd pull
that kid through,

and you did with your own
two little heads.

I guess I'm some kind
of a genius.

You're just too dumb
to know it.

Fill her up please, pal.

Everything under
the hood is okay.

-I meant to ask you,
how's Erika?
-Oh, she's fine.

But I don't feel too good.

-She's married.
-Married?

Married, as in "I love you,
but you never take me anywhere."

Married.
It's a very common illness.

So, what's the problem?

Well, I guess I'll have to
junk a few of my fantasies,

like walking off
with the lieutenant
hand-in-hand in the sunset.

Oh.
It's like that.

I thought you
were gonna give her

one of your famous dancing
lessons without music.

Well, so did I,
and then all of a sudden,

everything changed
in mid-lechery.

Hey, look. How many
alternatives do you have?

You can stay in there
and keep pitching,

or you can back off
and start with somebody else.

You know something?

For a man with
a slow leak in his head,

sometimes you think
pretty good.

Trapper, the O.R.
just sent me over.

-Yeah, what is it?
-It's your patient.
He's in big trouble.

Did they say
what kind of trouble?

Uh, internal bleeding,
uh, deep shock, like that.
I don't know.

Great little war
we got here, huh?

I can do without it.

RADAR :
19 October.

Number of incoming
wounded decreased.

Captain McIntyre's
patient critical.

Chinese P.W.
making post-op recovery.

Lieutenant Erika Johnson
recuperating

under personal supervision
of Captain Pierce.

Under personal supervision
of Captain Pierce.

Request by Colonel Blake
for section eight evaluation

of Corporal Max Klinger
has been approved.

Major Milton Freedman,

divisional medical staff
psychiatrist,

arrives tomorrow.

-Yeah?
-This way, sir.

He's bucking for psycho,

and giving everybody
a swift pain in the butt.

The question is,
should he have it?

How do you feel
about it?

You're the doctor.
Radar.

He's here, sir.

Corporal Klinger,
this is Major Freedman,
divisional psychiatrist.

Major, sir.

You got me up here to ask me
about him? About that?

Yeah, well, you see,
it really wasn't my idea.

All the way from Seoul
to ask me what?

Whether he needs
a girdle under that?

Whether his seams
are straight?

Okay, okay.

It's all part of
the war, I guess.

I have a few
questions to ask you.
Sit down, soldier.

Yes, sir.

Now, what's
your name, honey?

Normal.

If you were any more normal,
you'd be sick.

What is it?

Why do I wanna kiss
your thermometer?

Oh, come on.

I never wanted
to kiss anybody else's.

Believe me,
I could've kissed thousands.

I did my residency
in a big general hospital.

-Every day I could--
-Hawkeye, what's wrong?

Us, you, me, him.
You name it.

What am I doing?
What am I doing?
What am I doing?

Whatever it is, I approve.

You're married, madam.

You're a married madam.
Why don't I go away?

Hawkeye, I am not married.

What, you mean your finger's
just turning gold?

That's my grandmother's.

It cuts down on
wrestling matches.

-You're not married?
-Never have been.

Move over, Lieutenant.

Was it really
that important?

Even before I knew
if you had teeth.

MAN :
Don't panic, folks.
It's just the generator again.

Can't stay too long.
I wanna go order
the invitations.

Hmm, you're moving
a little fast.

No, not really. We'll take
our time, think it over.

Then we'll get married
when we're ready,
like tomorrow.

It'll be a quiet ceremony.
Just the immediate family
and the Eighth Army.

-I have a confession to make.
-What's that?

I never wanted to kiss
your thermometer.

MAN :
Captain Pierce,
report to O.R. immediately.

Captain Pierce to O.R.,
on the double.

I'll be right back.

Don't go anywhere.
Don't do anything.

-Don't get married.
-Don't worry.

So, what's the picture?

I gotta go back in on
the kid in bed 6.

He's got an abscess.

High fever,
secondary infection,
elevated white count.

-Bingo.
-Yeah.

I tapped a gallon of pus
out of him this afternoon.

Didn't do any good.

All on account of
that idiot with the knife.

Hey, you wanna
hear some good news?

You ready?
Erika's not married.

-Who?
-Erika!

You're working with
a terminal bachelor.

-Great.
-How'd you like
to be second best man?

You'll have to shave,
of course.

All right, come on.
Let's go. Let's go.

McIntyre, wait.

What do you mean?

-When?
-A minute ago.

So you're doing okay, huh?

Getting all that juice
you need?

Trapper?

Trap?

That's not what
we're about.

Read this.
Sign it.

-You'll have your wish.
-What does it say?

It says I've examined you
and found you to be

a transvestite
and a homosexual.

For all I know,
you may also have
postnasal drip.

-I ain't any of those.
-You ain't Errol Flynn either.

Where do you come off
calling me that?

I think I got the idea
from your cleavage.

Now, this will be
on your record permanently.

From here on,
you go through life
on high heels.

-Sign it.
-The hell I will.

I'm just crazy.
All I want is
a section eight.

You know what
you can do with this.

Hey, soldier.

You forgot your purse.

Hawkeye?

Hey, Erika. Come on in.

Hey.

Ooh, so this
is the Swamp.

Famous in song and story.

Haven't changed a thing
since Valentino died.

Uh, you shaved this morning,
didn't you?

That's right, and I'm gonna
shave again later on.

-Little drinky
for the memsahib?
-Why not?

From now on,
I shave constantly.
Beards are for bachelors.

Uh, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

It's all over camp that
we're getting married.

Don't you think
we oughta talk about it

before you start knitting
little things?

Be gentle with me.
I've never, uh...

I've never caught
the bouquet before.

Quite honestly, Hawkeye,

I have certain very definite
doubts about marriage.

Now you tell me,
after I shave?

Quiet honestly,
it's just not in my plans.

I thought we had
something going here.

We do, something very strong.

So why superimpose
marriage on it?

Well, it's been known to work.
Mom was married.

-Dad was married.
-My parents were married, too.

Everybody I know
is married.

It's the world's
second largest industry,
after bubble gum.

It's just not my favorite
institution.

Just what I needed...
their song.

Be honest, Hawk.

Don't you think you're
wanting to get married
is kind of a war thing?

No. I'd love you
in war and peace.

Or "Moby Dick."
Any of the classics.

Well, the boot is finally
on the other foot.

You know how many times
I've told women
of the female persuasion

there may not be
any tomorrow?

There may not be.

I've got orders for Tokyo.

I'll be leaving
in the morning.

No kidding.

No kidding.

Well...

If we can't have
the marriage,

how about a very short,
intense engagement?

Would you sign this,
please, sir?

Just exactly
what am I signing?

This week's activity
and personnel report.

-Didn't I sign it?
-That was last week.

Oh. Is it now already?

Yes, sir.
Here, sir.

Can I read it?

Uh, yes, sir.

You never let me read
anything I'm signing.

Sometimes I get the feeling

you're trying to hide
the war from me, Radar.

-No, sir, no.
-I'll just be the judge
of what's here.

"Chinese Communist prisoner
berserk in O.R.

"Wounds Lieutenant
Erika Johnson

and contaminated
one surgical case."

-Right, sir.
-"Psycho examination...

Corporal Klinger."

Hey, by the way,
did you see

that little number Klinger
was wearing in the mess tent
this morning?

The tight little
green satin job?

I must have missed it.

Whew.
It was a head snapper.

Okay.
"Lieutenant Johnson
reassigned, Tokyo.

Dr. McIntyre lost patient
due to complications
in O.R. incident."

Yes, sir.

"Wounded Chinese prisoner
recovering."

-Well, every week
can't be exciting.
-No, sir.

Okay.

There may be a golf ball
in your office.

-I'll try and find it.
-Thank you.