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1
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:58,406
Hold on. Just a second,
just a second.
2
00:00:58,449 --> 00:00:59,972
All right,
give me the money.
3
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:01,931
Okay, you got it.
4
00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:03,193
All right, fine.
Do you have a--
5
00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:04,325
Do you have a bet?
6
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,022
All right.
7
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,458
Okay--
8
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,547
-Okay, all right.
9
00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:11,332
MAN :
Attention, all personnel.
10
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:15,031
Attention.
Three minutes to Charlie.
11
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,816
Repeat, three minutes
to Charlie.
12
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,125
Try to feel compassionate.
13
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:24,432
Remember, even one
of our saints received
14
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,173
a Dear John letter.
15
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:29,611
Attention, all personnel.
Attention.
16
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:31,874
Three minutes to Charlie.
17
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:36,139
Has anyone picked
40 yards, Radar?
18
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,489
Uh, oh, no, Father.
It's still open.
19
00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:41,144
Good, good. If I'm lucky,
20
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,277
the proceeds
go to the Bible fund.
21
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,539
Oh, me, too.
22
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,373
I say,
Reggie, you come here often?
23
00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:54,157
Only when my horse
is running.
24
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,419
Rather!
25
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:57,813
Ah, our turf accountant.
Jolly good.
26
00:01:57,856 --> 00:01:59,771
You guys got the same
place as yesterday?
27
00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:01,730
Of course, my good man,
and be quick about it.
28
00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:05,255
Okay. Trapper, you're 47.
Hawkeye, 62.
29
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,909
Good show. Carry on.
30
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:07,997
Pip, pip.
31
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,391
-Right-o.
-Cheerio.
32
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,219
You guys got a cold?
33
00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:16,048
Won't be long now, folks.
Stand by for Charlie.
34
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,185
-Take cover!
-MARGARET: Air raid!
35
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,274
What air raid?
It's 5:00 Charlie.
36
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:26,581
He's the enemy,
trying to destroy
us from the skies!
37
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,017
Oh, come on, Frank.
38
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,453
He's been trying
for six weeks.
39
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:30,846
He hasn't hit
anything yet.
40
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:32,891
I think he washed out
of kamikaze school.
41
00:02:32,935 --> 00:02:34,937
He's a loner, Frank,
a misfit.
42
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,982
He's an airborne menace,
and he's going to bomb us.
43
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:39,202
Well, he has a lovely day
for it, hasn't he, Reggie?
44
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:40,986
-Oh, hear, hear.
-Where, where?
45
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:43,032
Frank, give them
a direct order.
46
00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:45,817
Oh, do, Frank. We've never
ignored one of those.
47
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,211
I'm a major.
You're only captains.
48
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,778
That's just an accident
of birth.
49
00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:51,301
Yes, we were
born majors.
50
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,042
Someone switched us
in our cribs.
51
00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:55,175
-Very funny.
-It's true.
52
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:57,177
We're twins,
identical majors.
53
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:01,137
-Shall we?
-Rather.
54
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,704
How can you clown this way?
55
00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:04,445
Don't you realize
the danger you're in?
56
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:05,881
Frank, you realize
for us.
57
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,926
-And you protect us,
Uncle Frank.
-Well--
58
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:10,842
By Jove, I believe
I hear Charlie.
59
00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:17,458
Who put water in my gun?
60
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,242
How do you know
it's water?
61
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,505
This isn't even--
Where is my gun?
62
00:03:21,549 --> 00:03:23,594
-We sold it.
-We beat it into plowshares.
63
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:25,248
Oh, come on, Frank.
64
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,989
It's not funny,
hiding a person's weapon.
65
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:30,688
I say, shall we
toddle off?
66
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:33,169
Oh, yes, no one seated
after the first act.
67
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,344
Yo.
68
00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:42,004
-HENRY: Metzenbaum Scissors.
-NURSE: Metz.
69
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:44,572
I can't see anything.
Richardson retractor.
70
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,617
-NURSE: Big or little?
-HENRY: The big one.
71
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,274
Boy, this kid's got
more junk in him
72
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:52,362
than a used car lot.
73
00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:54,756
Attention. Attention.
74
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:57,149
One minute to Charlie.
75
00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:59,021
The betting book
is now closed.
76
00:03:59,064 --> 00:04:01,284
Here he comes,
that old bugger.
77
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,155
Right on time.
78
00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:04,679
What's your number,
Ginger?
79
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,594
32 1/2 yards.
80
00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:10,337
Forget it, honey.
You haven't got a chance.
81
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,513
3-0 chromic, GI.
82
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,602
What number have you
got, Doctor?
83
00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,256
You got me two instruments
here, honey.
84
00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:17,822
Just one at a time.
That's a girl.
85
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:20,477
Well, I'm not saying.
I'm not saying.
86
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:22,958
Two of mine stolen
last week.
87
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,960
Gimme some
more retraction.
88
00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:26,614
My little arms are
breaking already.
89
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,445
32 1/2 yards.
90
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,925
You're out of your pretty
little mind, honey.
91
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:36,537
All right, Doctor, let's clean
this place up, right here
92
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:38,321
That's a boy.
93
00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:58,210
How can you sit there
and just let yourself
get bombed?
94
00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:00,038
One good bombing
deserves another.
95
00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:01,779
-Down in front, Frank.
96
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,259
Honestly, you can't
take him anywhere.
97
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,131
And now,
98
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:08,177
direct from North Korea,
99
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:11,659
here he is for
the sixth hit week,
100
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:14,575
5:00 Charlie, his airplane,
101
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,664
and his astigmatism!
102
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,720
-Ah, there he is. Charles.
-Oh, yes.
103
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,033
Hello, Charles!
104
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,991
I say, he's got a cough
today, doesn't he?
105
00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:41,993
It's a wonder
he can fly at all.
106
00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:44,474
Oh, yes. He looks
rather peaked to me.
107
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:45,649
Fragile.
108
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:59,881
Well done, shot.
109
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,017
But he missed.
110
00:06:06,061 --> 00:06:08,368
Oh, yes.
Bad luck, Charles.
111
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,544
See you tomorrow.
112
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:13,416
And that concludes
5:00 Charlie
113
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,679
for today, folks.
Hope you enjoyed him
114
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:18,378
as much as North Korea
enjoyed bringing him to ya.
115
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,205
Results of the pool
will be announced
116
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:21,859
in just a few minutes.
117
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,426
Join us tomorrow,
same time.
118
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,297
Until then,
have a nice war.
119
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:27,125
I say, shall
we repair for the digs
120
00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:28,475
and wait for
the results?
121
00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:30,694
Good idea.
We're nearly out of plasma.
122
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:38,789
Nurse, you're
out of uniform.
123
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,443
Where?
124
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:43,272
How about my place
in five minutes?
125
00:06:43,315 --> 00:06:45,361
-Colonel!
-Look, Frank,
126
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,102
Charlie is like
one of our own.
127
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:49,191
I mean, how else
would we know it's 5:00
128
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,367
if he didn't come over and try
to blast that ammo dump?
129
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,718
Why can't anyone
take this seriously?
130
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,373
It's cute, huh?
131
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,463
I got this little outfit
in the Tokyo P.X. last week.
132
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,160
Colonel, I must insist--
133
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,120
I didn't know they
were naked underneath.
134
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:07,470
You're not supposed
to look under there.
135
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:10,212
Colonel, I insist you do
something about these raids!
136
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:13,128
Aw, gimme a break, Frank.
Get off my back.
137
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:17,306
Well, history certainly
repeats itself.
138
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,656
Nobody listened to
Billy Mitchell, either.
139
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,179
Who's Billy Mitchell?
140
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:22,746
A general who advocated
a strong Air Force.
141
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,226
Gary Cooper played him.
142
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,054
Here I thought he played
Sergeant York.
143
00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:28,491
He did, but he also played
Billy Mitchell and Lou Gehrig.
144
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,493
And he was for a strong
Air Force.
145
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:34,018
Hey, that's pretty surprising
for a first baseman.
146
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:36,238
I am certain
that General Clayton
147
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:37,979
would send us
an antiaircraft gun.
148
00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:40,416
And I am sure
that General Clayton
149
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,592
is not in the rent-a-gun
service.
150
00:07:44,028 --> 00:07:45,987
And anyway,
who'd shoot the thing?
151
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:49,599
Well, I've had some
gunnery experience.
152
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:51,775
I was in the R.O.T.C.
153
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:54,256
You'd think a man
with R.O.T.C. training
154
00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:57,215
wouldn't go peeking
up a doll's skirt.
155
00:07:57,259 --> 00:08:00,001
-Well, I am a doctor.
-Mm-hmm.
156
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,611
Anyway, what about
calling the general?
157
00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:03,657
I can't call
the general, Frank.
158
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,528
General Clayton's
not in his office, sir.
159
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,051
They'll call back.
160
00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:08,575
Good, I didn't want
to talk to him anyway.
161
00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:10,141
Well, he's not there.
This is yours, sir.
162
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:11,447
Mine?
163
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,405
You came closest
with 75 1/2 yards.
164
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:14,711
There's almost
a hundred bucks there!
165
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:18,759
Zowie! Holy moly!
166
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:21,501
Corporal Johnson
came next with 22 3/4.
167
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,372
-Oh, yeah?
-This is insane.
168
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,374
Nobody bet on
the Battle of Britain.
169
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:28,029
He who controls the skies
controls the war.
170
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:29,421
Hermann Goering said that.
171
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:31,075
Yeah, well,
he also wore tutus
172
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:32,773
and ate whole bakeries,
Frank.
173
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:34,078
I'll file these forms
for you, sir.
174
00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:35,340
Yeah, file those forms.
Whoops.
175
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:37,560
Hi, Henry. Just heard
the great news.
176
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,170
Hey, congratulations,
Henry.
177
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:41,172
You got a contract
out on Henry, Frank?
178
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,000
Hey, listen, we're
havin' a poker game
179
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,654
in The Swamp tonight.
Saved you a seat.
180
00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:46,308
If you can't make it,
just send the money.
181
00:08:46,351 --> 00:08:47,918
-This calls for a celebration.
182
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,137
General Clayton, sir.
183
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,052
Oh, thanks, Radar.
Henry Blake here.
184
00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:52,836
Get me General Clayton
right away, please.
185
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,143
Oh, this is
General Clayton.
186
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,448
Henry Blake here.
187
00:08:56,492 --> 00:08:58,015
How-How-How are you,
General?
188
00:08:58,059 --> 00:08:59,408
Oh, just fine.
189
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:00,888
Uh, no, no, sir.
190
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,542
No, I'm afraid you were
a little short.
191
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,413
Well, no, I think
you had, uh, um--
192
00:09:04,456 --> 00:09:05,588
Radar?
193
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,285
52 yards, Colonel.
194
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:09,679
52 yards, Colonel.
195
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,681
Right, uh--
Oh, sir? Excuse me.
196
00:09:11,725 --> 00:09:13,422
While I've got you
on the pipe,
197
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:15,859
the suggestion's been
made that we could use
198
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:19,776
an 04ww nug.
199
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:21,865
Yeah, that's right, sir.
200
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:24,346
A nug so that
we can, um, uh--
201
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:28,829
What's a nug, sir?
Well, a nug is a-a--
202
00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:29,830
Um, a gun, sir.
203
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,441
A 40mm gun.
204
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:34,269
Henry, you gotta
be kidding.
205
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:35,923
We definitely do not
need a nug.
206
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:37,664
You keep your snoops
out of this.
207
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,230
We don't need a gun
or a nug.
208
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:40,884
What are you trying to do,
get us into the war?
209
00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,494
General, listen,
you send a gun up here,
210
00:09:42,538 --> 00:09:44,018
and that's gonna
draw a lot of fire!
211
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,628
That won't do our wounded
very much good.
212
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:47,238
Give me that!
213
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:49,023
Get rid of the ammo dump,
and we won't need a gun.
214
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,372
Do you mind?
215
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:52,635
The previous suggestion
is contraindicated.
216
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,116
We need an anti-aircraft
gun desperately, General!
217
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:57,684
Frank, how would you like
a spontaneous nose job?
218
00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,816
Henry Blake again,
General.
219
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:02,210
What's that, sir?
Oh, yeah, sure.
220
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:03,646
I'll check on that.
221
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,561
Uh, put him down for
64 yards for tomorrow.
222
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,085
Hawkeye and Trapper
have 64 yards.
223
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,131
-Well, give it to him.
-With him, what difference
does it make?
224
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:12,307
Stupid-- Yes, sir,
you've got a bet, sir.
225
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,962
64 yards.
What's that, sir?
226
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:18,443
Oh, yes, yes, sir.
That's a good idea, as always.
227
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:22,709
Well, uh, yes, sir.
Thank you. Nice-- Bye.
228
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:25,320
Well, he's coming up
tomorrow to look over
the situation.
229
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:27,801
You better tell Hot Lips
to warm up a merry widow.
230
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:29,933
Oh, now, that's filthy.
231
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:32,022
Henry, it's insane
to arm this place.
232
00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:34,111
Will you just
keep your pants on
233
00:10:34,155 --> 00:10:35,765
till Clayton gets here?
He'll decide.
234
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:38,376
Honestly, you all
make me sick!
235
00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:40,683
I think he means
we're contraindicated.
236
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,685
Someday all
of this'll come out--
237
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,165
Your behavior,
your filthy language,
238
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,167
your betting
on the enemy.
239
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:49,518
And believe me,
it'll be a shameful
page for Uncle Sam.
240
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,215
Oh, Frank, look,
the general's coming up here.
241
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:52,521
Isn't that
good enough for ya?
242
00:10:52,564 --> 00:10:53,957
Yeah, what more
do you want?
243
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:57,178
I want everybody
to understand
that this is war
244
00:10:57,221 --> 00:11:00,050
and that war is
a call to arms.
245
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,882
Here's our money, Mister.
Don't staple us.
246
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:10,060
Someday, all this
will come out.
247
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,297
I'm terribly sorry, Padre.
248
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,820
Oh, that's all right,
General.
249
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,735
I'll just turn
the other cheek.
250
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:36,260
Get yourself something
to eat, Sergeant.
251
00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:40,177
Psst.
252
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:52,624
Margaret. Quickly, before
word gets out I'm here.
253
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:56,716
Uh, you know Major Burns?
Major Frank Burns?
254
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,761
Yes, of course. Burns.
255
00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:02,069
Uh, we wanted
to talk to you
256
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,679
before anybody else
about the gun.
257
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:04,941
There's a war on,
General.
258
00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:06,421
I read the papers.
259
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,423
The major and I,
we two majors,
260
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:11,078
feel that the colonel
and a certain two captains--
261
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,993
That's two majors
against a colonel
and two captains.
262
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:15,517
Uh, what the major is
trying to say, General,
263
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,911
-is that we feel they--
-The colonel and two captains.
264
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:21,436
...will try to influence
you against the gun.
265
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,047
Nothing can make a general's
mind up for him.
266
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,483
I'll decide this matter
for myself.
267
00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:27,094
Attention.
268
00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:30,010
Five minutes to Charlie.
Five minutes.
269
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,576
Now's your chance,
General.
270
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:34,231
I'd better tell Blake
I'm in camp.
271
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:36,494
Major Houlihan,
272
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,192
I'll want to discuss
this later.
273
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,194
Yes, sir.
274
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,109
Yes, sir.
275
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,153
Privately.
276
00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:44,154
Yes, sir.
277
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,160
Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry, sir.
278
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,335
Sorry.
279
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,337
Oh, it's classic, Henry.
280
00:12:53,381 --> 00:12:56,079
The ammo dump,
the road.
281
00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:58,386
Store matériel
near hospitals
282
00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,692
so the enemy will
leave it alone, huh?
283
00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:02,346
Learned it from
the Germans.
284
00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:05,480
Great, now we're taking
lessons from the losers.
285
00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:08,657
General, listen,
instead of trying to
knock out Charlie,
286
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,137
why don't we just get
rid of this garbage?
287
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:11,616
Yeah, that'll
keep him away.
288
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:12,922
Or does that make
too much sense?
289
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,663
Well,
290
00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:17,361
I really don't think
a gun is necessary.
291
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:18,536
Do you, Henry?
292
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,277
Certainly not.
293
00:13:20,321 --> 00:13:21,801
Unless you think
I should think otherwise.
294
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:22,976
No, I-I don't think that.
295
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,499
And we have a new winner
296
00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:25,935
in the "definite maybe"
sweepstakes!
297
00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:27,284
One minute to Charlie.
298
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:28,633
One minute.
299
00:13:28,677 --> 00:13:30,287
Uh, sir, I think
we might be safer
300
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,549
behind that rock back there.
301
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:32,550
Good thinking, Henry.
302
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:40,515
And here he is,
303
00:13:40,558 --> 00:13:43,213
for your wartime pleasure,
304
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:48,349
the one and only
5:00 Charlie!
305
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,925
Way to go, Charlie!
306
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:29,781
I knew I should have bet
on the Jeep today.
307
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,348
Henry.
308
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,046
Yes, sir?
309
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,874
You've got your gun.
310
00:14:45,406 --> 00:14:46,755
To the right flank, harch!
311
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:48,931
To the rear, harch!
312
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:51,891
Detail...
halt, two, three.
313
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,156
Men, I don't have
to tell you
314
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:57,505
of the importance
of our mission.
315
00:14:57,548 --> 00:14:59,115
We are the first
surgical unit
316
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:00,551
to have an anti-aircraft
capability.
317
00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:04,077
Our success is vital.
I repeat, vital.
318
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,907
The eyes of the military
are upon us.
319
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:10,431
Now, first off, uh, any
of you speak, uh, English?
320
00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:12,607
Yes, sir.
321
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:15,001
Also French, Italian,
and a little German.
322
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:18,091
Sehr gut!Then you
will be platoon leader.
323
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:19,962
I thought that you were
the platoon leader.
324
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,529
Oh, well, I am,
but for purposes
325
00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,357
of our table of organization,
I am the commander.
326
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,967
So you will be
platoon leader.
327
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:27,535
You will be squad leader.
328
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:30,364
And you...
will be the squad.
329
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:34,020
Now, the enemy
very foolishly attacks
330
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,586
at the same time every day.
331
00:15:35,630 --> 00:15:37,849
There's no element
of surprise.
332
00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:40,330
The man does not possess
an ounce of cleverness,
333
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:44,595
which shows you the limitation
of Oriental thinking.
334
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:45,988
No offense.
335
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,859
Hep, hup, hip, four.
336
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:49,122
Hep, hup, hip, four.
337
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,167
Hep, hup, hip, four.
338
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:54,997
Hep, hup, hip, four.
To the rear, march.
339
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:58,479
Hep, hup, hip, four.
To the rear, march.
340
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:01,569
Hep, hup, hip, four.
To the left flank, march!
341
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:06,182
To the rear, march!
To the right flank, harch!
342
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:07,401
To the rear, march! Halt!
343
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:12,972
Right and left face!
344
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,932
Cut that out, face!
345
00:16:21,241 --> 00:16:22,807
Count off!
346
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,943
-Are you one?
-Yes, are you?
347
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,163
That's not funny.
348
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,599
Count off!
349
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:32,948
-One.
-Two.
350
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:33,993
That's about it.
351
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:35,995
Okay, at ease.
352
00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:42,044
That strikes me
funny... not.
353
00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:43,828
I think it ill
behooves us.
354
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:47,049
Behooves? What, are we
in the cavalry now?
355
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:48,442
I think it ill
behooves us to show
356
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,792
such a frivolous
and flippant attitude
357
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:52,446
in front of
our Korean allies.
358
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,752
Oh, come on, Frank,
don't you understand?
359
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,406
Fire draws fire.
360
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:57,755
You shoot that thing
and the next day
361
00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,583
we'll have real planes,
MiGs down here,
362
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,759
throwing bombs
at our wounded.
363
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,457
Maybe you haven't noticed
in the operating room,
364
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,024
but we do have wounded.
365
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:07,069
The combination of
malpractice and flop sweat
366
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:09,115
makes it hard
for him to see.
367
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:12,292
I know what my duty is,
and I intend to do it!
368
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:18,037
-Fall in!
-Aah!
369
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,606
About face!
370
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:24,826
Forward march!
371
00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:28,482
Hep, hup, hip, four.
Hep, hup, hip, four.
372
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:31,615
Hep, hup, hip, four.
Hep, hup, hip, four.
373
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:38,318
Attaboy, Frank.
Flush 'em out of the skies!
374
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:50,156
How are we gonna
stop Frank?
375
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:52,245
All right, on one
of his nocturnal visits
376
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:54,769
to Hot Lips, we sew
him to the tent.
377
00:17:54,812 --> 00:17:56,640
No, they'd wiggle
out of that.
378
00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:58,512
Yeah, he'd probably
love it, too.
379
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:00,079
I know I would.
380
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:04,474
What about this?
381
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,650
A skin graft
over his mouth
382
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:08,913
so he can't give
the command to fire.
383
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,265
He's trigger-happy.
384
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:13,657
He can taste
that plane.
385
00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:15,529
I wish it would fly
down his throat.
386
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,748
-It's not an uncommon
phenomenon, you know.
-Hmm?
387
00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:19,968
You know, for medical men
and professional guys
388
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:21,796
to get gung ho.
389
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:26,148
The 325th has
a paratrooper rabbi.
390
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,889
-A real rabbi?
-Oh, yeah.
391
00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:30,152
-A paratrooper?
-In every way.
392
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,328
Except he won't
jump on Saturdays.
393
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:35,244
Fascinating,
but it doesn't help.
394
00:18:35,288 --> 00:18:37,290
Maybe we're too sober.
395
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:39,857
Cardozo, booze?
396
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,166
When I left the States,
I promised my wife
397
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,168
that I wouldn't have
a drink or another woman
398
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:47,778
till I got back to her.
399
00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:49,476
That's nice.
400
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,260
Gimme a blast.
401
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:55,308
Make it a short one.
I got a date tonight.
402
00:18:57,962 --> 00:18:59,616
You know,
I've been listening.
403
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,879
You guys want
another opinion?
404
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,838
You're only a dentist.
405
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:05,622
Yeah, to you,
life is something wet
406
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:08,364
that hardens overnight,
and then you put gold on it.
407
00:19:08,408 --> 00:19:10,627
What you want to do
is forget about Frank.
408
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,629
I mean, his kind
is indestructible.
409
00:19:12,673 --> 00:19:14,414
They always have been.
410
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,807
-That's your opinion?
-Yeah.
411
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:18,635
Play, Phil, same dance.
412
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:22,422
Look, what you want to do
is get rid of the dump.
413
00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:25,164
You take away the dump,
you take away the gun.
414
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:26,948
You take away the gun,
you take away
415
00:19:26,991 --> 00:19:29,124
Frank's motivation,
and the menace is gone.
416
00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:31,866
Just for that idea,
417
00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:33,737
we're gonna put you
in the Christmas play.
418
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,435
Yeah, you can be
the talking cavity.
419
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:46,402
But I-I-I can't give you
four dozen sheets.
420
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,622
Oh, come on, Klein,
you never turned
us down before.
421
00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:50,928
Yeah, but
four dozen sheets?
422
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:52,974
We just met four dozen
great girls.
423
00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:54,628
Four dozen.
424
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:01,635
A requisition for
18 gallons of Mercurochrome?
425
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:04,028
Yeah, we got a patient
with an enormous cut.
426
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,654
I never had a martini
that way. May I?
427
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,264
Oh, please.
428
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,527
Goes great
with a soap chaser.
429
00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:26,225
Mmm!
430
00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,227
I gotta hand it to us,
Trap.
431
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:29,967
We have made that ammo dump
432
00:20:30,011 --> 00:20:32,143
absolutely unmissable,
even for Charlie.
433
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:34,624
Two hours to show time.
It'll all be over.
434
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:37,323
And poor Frank won't
be able to play with
his "ack-ack" anymore.
435
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:40,151
Hmm. Hey, let's do
something nice for him.
436
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:43,285
All right. How about a couple
of C.C.'s of the plague?
437
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,461
We could name
an infection after him.
438
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,115
Or make him the infection.
439
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:48,682
Either way,
it's a nice gesture.
440
00:20:51,598 --> 00:20:53,643
-I just had a terrible idea.
-Hmm?
441
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:55,558
What if that creep
gets lucky
442
00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:56,951
and hits Charlie before
Charlie hits the dump?
443
00:20:56,994 --> 00:20:58,518
Hup!
444
00:20:58,561 --> 00:21:00,607
TRAPPER: We'd better take
care of that contingency.
445
00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:05,699
Hey! This is
the nurses' shower!
446
00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:07,483
I waited as long as I could.
447
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,227
She's late today.
448
00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:18,451
Okay, watch it.
Here he comes.
449
00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:19,669
Hurry up.
450
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:23,717
Oh, hi, Frank.
Down this way.
451
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:25,284
We think it's
an early abscess.
452
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:26,546
Well, why call on me?
453
00:21:26,589 --> 00:21:27,764
Because when it
comes to pus,
454
00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:29,549
we always think
of you, Frank.
455
00:21:29,592 --> 00:21:31,159
Yeah, Frank,
this is your arena.
456
00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:32,943
Post-op infections,
that's you.
457
00:21:39,776 --> 00:21:42,301
Problem is, he should have
had antibiotics immediately.
458
00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:44,433
You waited too long.
Now you've got a fever
on your hands.
459
00:21:45,782 --> 00:21:47,393
Fantastic. He goes
right to the heart
460
00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:49,046
of the clinical picture.
461
00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:50,744
He's got eyes in the back
of his stethoscope.
462
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:52,049
-Yeah.
-Doctor,
463
00:21:52,093 --> 00:21:53,573
I'm getting ready to do
464
00:21:53,616 --> 00:21:54,922
the 4:30 feeding
on Thompson.
465
00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:56,402
-Oh, good.
-Bed number 6.
466
00:21:56,445 --> 00:21:58,012
Yeah, good.
You do that, Ginger.
467
00:21:58,055 --> 00:21:59,405
Give him the 4:30
feeding.
468
00:22:01,537 --> 00:22:04,366
Kind of fun, working
like this, huh, guys?
469
00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:06,412
-We gotta pull
together more, Frank.
-Yeah.
470
00:22:06,455 --> 00:22:08,849
Amen to that, old buddies.
471
00:22:18,772 --> 00:22:20,904
That's Charlie.
472
00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:22,384
What?
It can't be, Frank.
473
00:22:22,428 --> 00:22:23,733
It's only 4:30.
474
00:22:23,777 --> 00:22:25,431
I know Charlie
when I hear him.
475
00:22:25,474 --> 00:22:27,346
Impossible.
476
00:22:33,656 --> 00:22:37,007
You... you sneaks!
477
00:22:38,748 --> 00:22:40,620
I've got to get
to that gun.
478
00:22:40,663 --> 00:22:43,057
It's Pearl Harbor
all over again!
479
00:22:44,798 --> 00:22:48,236
Attention.
Two minutes to Charlie.
480
00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:49,368
Two minutes to Charlie.
481
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:51,631
Take your positions, men!
482
00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:53,807
Uh...uh...
483
00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:56,244
Uh...uh...
484
00:22:56,287 --> 00:22:58,551
180 degrees,
point south.
485
00:22:58,594 --> 00:22:59,987
180 degrees.
486
00:23:00,030 --> 00:23:01,902
By 270, point west.
487
00:23:01,945 --> 00:23:02,990
270.
488
00:23:04,557 --> 00:23:06,472
And a 60-degree
azimuth due north.
489
00:23:06,515 --> 00:23:07,951
-What's going on here?
-60!
490
00:23:07,995 --> 00:23:10,214
I have 60-degree azimuth.
Do I hear 65?
491
00:23:10,258 --> 00:23:12,086
-TRAPPER: I bid 65!
-MAN: 65!
492
00:23:12,129 --> 00:23:13,696
HENRY: Wait a minute,
he said 60.
493
00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:15,872
-MAN: 60!
-I'm sorry, sir,
we already have a 65.
494
00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:17,918
-65.
-I said 65.
495
00:23:17,961 --> 00:23:19,354
-TRAPPER: Let's start all--
-No, let's start all over.
496
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,182
-Colonel!
-HAWKEYE: I have a colonel.
497
00:23:21,225 --> 00:23:24,011
-Do I hear a general?
-I'll bid a general, one star.
498
00:23:24,054 --> 00:23:25,926
-One!
-One! I have
a one-star general.
499
00:23:25,969 --> 00:23:27,231
-Do I hear two?
-Two.
500
00:23:27,275 --> 00:23:28,624
Two? Now come on, folks.
501
00:23:28,668 --> 00:23:29,973
We're not gonna
let this fine war go
502
00:23:30,017 --> 00:23:31,148
for just a two-star general.
503
00:23:43,639 --> 00:23:46,468
Henry, what they're
doing is mutiny.
504
00:23:46,512 --> 00:23:48,252
That's a little strong,
isn't it, Frank?
505
00:23:48,296 --> 00:23:50,429
I'm placing you both
under arrest.
506
00:24:00,264 --> 00:24:01,178
I'm losing him.
507
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,922
Fire, damn it! Fire!
508
00:24:05,966 --> 00:24:07,402
-But, sir...
-You heard him, soldier!
509
00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:08,447
Fire!
510
00:24:17,194 --> 00:24:19,109
Hell of a shot, Frank.
511
00:24:21,242 --> 00:24:23,070
MAN :
And so,
512
00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:25,681
as he flies the blue
lady of the skies
513
00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:27,857
into the sunset,
514
00:24:27,901 --> 00:24:30,643
we say "Aloha, 5:00 Charlie"
515
00:24:30,686 --> 00:24:32,427
and return to our duties.
516
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,690
Let me remind you
the hospital is open
517
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,476
24 hours for your dining
and dancing pleasure.
518
00:24:42,872 --> 00:24:44,787
Did you see this new stuff
on vein grafts?
519
00:24:44,831 --> 00:24:46,397
Yeah, that's fantastic,
isn't it?
520
00:24:46,441 --> 00:24:48,878
I bet that cuts down
on amputations by 50%.
521
00:24:48,922 --> 00:24:50,314
Or better.
522
00:24:52,752 --> 00:24:54,449
You know, I could eat.
523
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:55,755
Yeah.
524
00:24:55,798 --> 00:24:57,496
Hey, it's 10 after 5:00.
525
00:25:01,021 --> 00:25:02,631
I miss him.
526
00:25:02,675 --> 00:25:04,546
Me too.
527
00:25:04,590 --> 00:25:07,288
Hey, tell the truth, Frank.
Don't you miss Charlie?
528
00:25:07,331 --> 00:25:08,855
Oh, I forgot. You did.
529
00:25:08,898 --> 00:25:10,770
Oh, Hawk,
that's in bad taste.
530
00:25:10,813 --> 00:25:12,380
If I did, it was
all your fault!
531
00:25:12,423 --> 00:25:14,687
Aw, come on, Frank,
why don't you join us?
532
00:25:14,730 --> 00:25:16,776
You don't mind
eating with a couple
of peacemongers, do you?
533
00:25:16,819 --> 00:25:18,604
-Eh.
-Come on, Frank.
534
00:25:18,647 --> 00:25:20,475
-Come on, we'll get
something you like.
-Ohh.
535
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,259
-Come on, you'll enjoy it.
-Come on. Excuse me.
536
00:25:22,303 --> 00:25:24,523
Come on, Frank.
537
00:25:24,566 --> 00:25:27,047
Why can't I stay mad
at you two lugs?
538
00:25:27,090 --> 00:25:28,614
We'll work something out.
38354
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