All language subtitles for Loveswag.2016.1080p.WEBRip.x264-LAMA

* Papparrazi taking
pictures you know who we are

* Shifting gears when we
be riding in the finest cars

* Blazin' through the
atmosphere like a shooting star

* We be causing panic
like natural phenomena

* Feeling like I'm
walking on the moon

* The love you give
is so phenomenal

* Take me to the stars

* Venus, Earth, and Mars

* You make me feel
so supernatural

* You're blowing my mind
like a tornado

* You light up my
fires like an asteroid

* When you're loving me
it's so supernatural

* Making people happy
with the music is my job

* Every time we hit this
stage my fans go, "oh my God"

* All the ladies going
crazy we be getting mobbed

* So much love is coming
at us like a big tsunami

* Got me feeling like
I'm walking on the moon

* The love you give
is so phenomenal

* Take me to the stars

* Venus, Earth and Mars

* You make me feel
so supernatural

* You'reblowing my mind
like a tornado

* You light up my
fires like an asteroid

* When you're loving me
it's so supernatural

* You make me feel
so supernatural

* You'reblowing my mind
like a tornado

* You light up my
fires like an asteroid

* Whenyou're loving me
it's so supernatural

My main man Corey.

What's up, what's up.

What's going on, man?

Nothing much how
was your weekend?

Well, you know me, man,
I had a few hoes over.

Nice.

What about yourself.

Well, you know me, church.

Okay, okay.

Hey man, brother,
who's in my office.

Some intern.

Intern?

Yeah.

Okay listen, next
time you're in church,

send one up for you
man, alright boy.

Will do.

Hey did I disturb, you guys?

Oh, not at all.

Come on in, sharp.

Terry, I'd like to
introduce you to--

The CEO of Sauce Records.

That's Bronson.

Very nice to meet you.

You have very soft hands.

Thank you.

Char, who is this?

This is that intern I was
telling you about, remember?

So what are you one
of those crump dancers?

I mean your swagger,
we gotta lighten it up.

I mean that's if you're
gonna be working here

at Sauce Records.

Don't worry I got this.

We're just a little
busy, so we'll get going,

but you'll have your
chance to talk to her.

And so, we'll be going.

Come on, Terry.

By the way,

that's a cute little
mustache you got there.

Don't listen to him.

Shave it off.

Come on, girl.

Would you like
your door closed?

* Pancho, Pancho, Pancho,
burritos and nachos

Boy, why are you always late?

I got lunch.

Lunch.

I know you're hungry, yeah.

There you go, calm down.

Who is Miss Frumpy?

Be nice.

This is our new intern Terry.

New intern good.

From now on, she
can get the lunch.

What's up with the mustache?

Yo, B.

Holla at your boy.

His name is
Trouble, go figure.

What you call a green
fly in your burrito?

I don't know what?

Extra meat.

Trouble why you always
late coming to work?

This is the earliest
I've ever been late.

Come on.

You're right, you know what?

You actually never come
to work until after lunch.

Man, you have
never been on time.

I mean don't think just
cause you're my boy

I won't fire your ass.

Alright, I'll take your
Tommy Davison looking ass

back McDonalds
where I found you.

Okay, to be honest,
why I was late,

alright, I didn't
want to tell you,

but if you must know,
there was an earthquake

in a third world
country and be it so

that the earthquake
trembled and it caused

the Earth to spin off it
axis which caused the time

to shift and because
of the time shift

my alarm clock didn't
go off in time.

Look, from now on,
I want you to put

a valuable effort to
get here on time, okay?

Yes, sir.

I'm not playin', Trouble.

You think I won't
fire you right now?

Yes, sir.

Leave.

You for real?

For real.

Man, you funny, dog, I'm
gonna get back to work.

Come on, baby, taking
too long.

That's why I don't eat
at Poncho's, come on.

That's it, I gotta
get something.

Okay.

It's okay.

I'm a pimp.

I'm a player.

I'm alright.

My ass hurt!

Damn, she kinda cute.

Mr. Williams hi,
I'm Dr. Nuttay.

Hi.

Why don't you have a seat?

I can't sit.

It hurts when I sit.

Well okay, then bend over
so I can get a better look.

Okay.

So, doc, I mean, what
are you gonna do,

I mean is it gonna hurt?

I mean doc, what's
wrong with me?

Oh, will you shut
up so I can do my job.

Keep your head straight.

Loosen those butt
cheeks.

Is it gonna hurt?

Yes.

Bitch, you up--

Did you just call me a bitch?

No, I didn't.

Yes you did.

I said I had an itch, doc.

I found something.

Tell me does this
hurt when I push?

You have hemorrhoids.

I can treat the two
that I have found.

You're going to need
surgery for the other ones.

Yo doc, what can
we do about now?

You see my thumb?

This is about the size
of your hemorrhoid.

And, the way that we treat these
types is with rubber bands.

Rubber bands?

Yes, and what I
will do, I just warp

the rubber band
around the hemorrhoid.

Oh God.

He hemorrhoid blood
circulation gets cutoff,

and the hemorrhoid falls off.

Now, turn back around
and let me finish.

This won't hurt a bit.

Oh bitch, you lied!

Okay,
you can get up now.

Are those real tears
in the big man's eyes?

Doctors are supposed
to have compassion.

I am a bitch, remember?

Besides, now you know
how us women feel,

we get probes shoved up
our orifices all the time.

I do not feel sorry for you.

Whatever, doc.

I can refer you to Dr. Filmore

if you feel more
comfortable with a man.

Oh, hell no, you man enough.

Fine, I will
see you next week.

Have a good afternoon.

Is there something
wrong with your shitter?

Man, I can't even squeeze
my ass cheeks closed, man.

Do I have to not remind
you that we have a meeting

with veteran multi-platinum
recording artist, Ms. Snatch?

She has millions of followers
all over the internet

especially that
new site My Tube.

No, no we're not
having the meeting.

I'm gonna have to cancel.

What are you two
whispering about?

Nothing.

Just prepping for the meeting.

Well, 'cause you know
she's waiting for you, right?

You know with this Ms.
Snatch we can change the game.

Alright, alright I got it.

Hey, do it look
like my ass hurt?

No,
no, you straight.

I'm good?

You're good.

Okay, wish me luck.

I gotta see this.

James did I say you can
move your crazy ass mother

into my condo?

Well, when I get home you all
better be gone, you hear me?

Bronson baby, why don't
you come on over here

and sit down next to Ms. Snatch.

He can't, he's in
a new workout plan.

Oh really, what kind
of workout are you doin'?

It's a standing workout plan.

You stand all day you
burn a gang of calories.

You know, let
me call you back.

Sweetie, you don't
need to lose one ounce,

not a pound, not a kilogram.

You're looking sexy
just the way you are.

I could just take a
bite of you right now.

Well, thank you Snatch,
I appreciate that.

But, let's get back
to business, alright?

What's it gonna take for
me to get you signed?

Oh Trouble, you
didn't tell him?

I told him, I told him.

Baby, we're going to dinner.

And, we'll just have to see
where the night takes us.

I can't.

I'm sorry did you
just say, "No," to me?

Sweetie, listen to me, if you
even think about signing me,

you better get
used to treating me

like I am the sexiest
bitch on this planet.

Look my ass is hurt.

His ass is hurting to see the
sexiest bitch on the planet.

Oh see, that's what I'm
talking about, gimmie some?

Well, I guess I'll
see you later, huh?

Ah, he'll see you
at his place later on.

Oh, I like that,
a little personal.

Alright sweetie, well I'll
get to see you later then.

Bye.

Right, save me some.

Oh, I'll get that door for you.

Bye-bye.

You know being sexy
is a full time job.

I look good in
everything I wear, huh?

You know what I'm gonna
name my next album?

Carmel, Sex, and Diamonds.

You know, I know you have
a lot of loyal listeners,

Snatch, I can introduce
you to a whole new level

of marketing and
brand recognition.

I mean it's no secret, baby,

you don't need record
labels anymore.

The internet changed the game.

What I can do for
you at Sauce Records,

nobody else can do.

I can get you
branded everywhere.

So, Bronson you still
doing that little workouts?

Why don't you come over here
and let Ms. Snatch relax you?

Look, let's just stop
wasting time, okay?

Oh, yes daddy,
let's do this thing.

So, I got your
contract right here.

Just sign right here,
we can get it going.

See didn't I tell you
need to make me feel

like I'm the sexiest
bitch on this planet?

Come on.

Hello?

What the
hell you do with Snatch?

We just kicked it, why?

I'm at the studio,

and this chick is
straight buggin'.

What's she doin'?

She making songs
with some crazy ass title

like Baby Dick and Cotton Balls.

What you do to her?

You better get down here.

Oh, damn.

Yo man, I need you
to come over, man.

She
won't say a word to me.

What the hell
happened last night?

Did she sign the papers?

Yo, I'll explain everything.

I just need you to
come over, okay?

Alright.

Damn!

You busted
a nut in two strokes?

That's it we're finished.

Listen, every man has
pulled the trigger quick

at least once in his life.

I haven't.

You don't get it, it's
not about cuming quick.

It's about the
battle of the sexes

and ultimately the existence
of this record company.

Man, you're crazy.

Think about it, when
a woman lays on her back

and she spread her legs,
she is telling the man

to establish dominance.

And, when you
don't knock it out,

you set us men back 100
years 'cause now they feel

they have the right to
talk shit and write songs

like Minute Man
and Cotton Balls.

Even though Minute
Man is pretty good.

Trouble, you know I've
smashed more than enough chicks

in my life to feel secure
about myself, alright?

She has over a
million followers

on every media social
site, you gonna be known

as Mr. Erectile
Dysfunction, Mr. E.D.

What label gonna respect us?

What artist is gonna respect us?

Hell, I don't even respect us.

Listen Trouble, I can't even
worry about that right now.

Alright, I got bigger concerns.

Man, what's bigger than this?

This.

What is it?

It's the rubber
bands, they came out.

You mean to tell me
these are the rubber bands

you had in your ass.

Yeah.

Man you nasty!

How you just gonna give me that?

I'm gonna tell your mama on you.

Oh man, I need to help
me put 'em back in, please.

Oh, hell no!

That ain't my job
description, homie.

I don't touch no man's ass.

I don't touch my own ass.

You better go to a
doctor with that shit.

You know what?

I'm not gonna worry about this.

I'm holding you accountable
to get these rubber bands

back in my ass today,
or that's your ass.

I'm going upstairs.

Char, what's up
baby, what's up, girl?

Check this out.

Hell no!

Hey B,
wait in the bathroom.

Let me talk to Char in
private for a second.

I am not playin'.

I am not doing that shit.

That's not in my
job description.

Did you know if you
hyphenate the word assistant,

it reads ass is taint.

His ass is taint, so
it's right up your alley.

Hey yo, can you guys hurry
up out there, come on man.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Char called me.

Oh, and what
happened to your lip?

You know what, you
told me to shave,

and I've never used a
razor before on my face.

And, I, you know
what enough about me.

I heard you need some help.

I was just thinking
about repainting

these bathroom walls that's all.

You know, I fired my interior
decorator and so have you

any decorating experience?

I'm kinda lame in the
decorating department actually,

but this place looks amazing.

Why would you fire her?

Well, she left me.

Oh, she was your girl?

Yeah, she was.

You know, I have a motto, I
don't chase 'em, I replace 'em.

Interesting motto.

Well, enough about me.

What about you?

What about me?

I was a student at state,
part-time medical assistant.

I recently got accepted
into med school.

What?

Wow, that's impressive.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

So, they told you about
the rubber bands, huh?

Yeah but listen.

You know, I'm
gonna kill Trouble.

After working at the hospital,

I've seen all kinds
of crazy things,

so this honestly
doesn't shock me.

So, you think you
can put 'em back in?

I don't know, but if
you give me some gloves,

I can try.

Wait right here.

Now, I don't normally
got what you're used

to working with,
that's all I got.

You want me to use those?

Hey, you're the one
that went to med school.

That's all I got.

Okay.

Here I go.

Yeah, alright.

You been working
out, you stink?

That was Char.

That was Trouble.

You think you can
get 'em back in?

You know, I don't think I can.

Shit.

I'm sorry.

It's alright.

But listen, I'm
gonna tell you a secret

I used to tell my patients.

When something hurts
just hold your breath,

and the pain will go away.

Hold my breath?

I'll try that.

So, what happened?

I gotta go see that
crazy ass doctor, man.

I thought you said
she worked at the hospital?

She did, but she
wasn't going around

putting rubber bands
in people's asses.

How you know?

Look, Terry gave
me some good advice.

I think I'll be alright
at the doctor's.

See there.

Come on Terry, let's go.

Bye.

Yo B, why won't you just
get a different doctor?

Okay, Mr. Williams.

First, I'd like to
say that it's an honor

to have a celebrity
here in the midst.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, can we
just hurry this up, man,

I'm in a lot of pain?

When I was in college,
I bought all of your CDs.

I remember all the girls
had a crush on you too.

Thank you, man, I do, but...

is that lip gloss
you're wearing?

No, it's chapstick.

It's a little shinny.

I like to keep my lips supple.

It kinda smell
like strawberries.

Oh no, no, no, sweetie,
check your sinuses.

It's mango.

I like fruity stuff.

Okay, put your
pants down, sweetie,

let's see what
you're working with.

No disrespect, but
I just appreciate it

if you don't call
me that, alright?

No disrespect.

Just trying get this over with.

I have to admit I had a
bit of a crush on you too.

Okay, you know
what Dr. Filmore,

you ain't gonna
feel no more for me.

Now, I'm gonna go see
Dr. Grab Your Nuts, man.

Oh, let me grab your nuts!

Man, if you don't
get your thick, greasy,

broke back, doctor
hands off me, man,

I'm gonna send
you back to Jesus.

I'm a buddhist.

Let me grab your nuts!

Dr.
Sidelman, line one please.

Dr. Warner
wanted in Radiology please.

Dr. Warner.

Doc?

Mr. Williams,
you're back so soon?

Now, either you like
me or you like the way

I put my fingers up your ass.

Listen, the rubber
bands came off.

They came out?

Okay, bend over and
let me take a look.

Come on.

Yo wait, since we're
getting all personal,

you think a brother can
have a hug or a kiss

or something after?

You need a hug, you better hug

onto that table and spread 'em.

You know doc, I was wonderin',

you know having
these hemorrhoids,

can it affect my sex drive?

If it is on the right nerve,

it can cause you
some difficulty.

Okay, you're all banded
up again.

Have a nice day Mr. Williams.

Doc, trust me, alright,

you got one more time,
smack my ass like that.

Get out of my office.

I don't want to see
you in here again.

Yo B,
let me be your A&R.

What do you mean?

You are my A&R.

I mean your personal A&R.

I want to help you
rebuild your swag.

My swag?

Your swag.

Fool, I got swag.

Well no, I came up
with this plan, right?

And, you're gonna be
knocking down chicks

like your old dirty
self in no time.

It's full proof.

Okay, let's hear
this crackhead idea.

Think about it, alright?

Now, think of yourself
as a prizefighter, right?

You been away from the game
let's say for a short time.

And now, you want to come
back and reclaim the title.

Alright, you have to have
a couple of tuneup fights

before you can regain your belt.

So, you really
think I lost it?

You playin' right?

Hell yeah, I think
you lost it, man.

Damn, my mama used to
tell me this all the time,

"Baby a set back is only
a set up for a comeback."

Yo man, I ain't
lost nothing, alright?

I still got my confidence.

Ms. Snatch is on her way in.

Hey yo, stop her!

It's too late she's at the door.

Where is he?

Huh?

Where is he?

I'm gonna call
you back, Spielberg.

Hello, don't play with me.

Where is he?

Where's who?

You know who I'm talking
about, where is he?

He ain't here.

What you mean, he ain't
returning my phone calls,

my texts, I know
my phone workin'.

I can't believe I left my
presidential suite for this.

I'm a diva.

I don't have time for this.

I ain't no B.B.

Can I
ask you a question?

What?

What's a B.B.?

A basic bitch.

His erectile dysfunctional,
anti-horny ass, small,

What?

Calm down.

Don't tell me to calm down.

You know what if I was a dude,

I would knock you the hell out.

If I was a--

If you was a what?

If you don't--

Hi Ms. Snatch.

I'm sorry who it this?

You know what it
don't even matter.

Where is he?

Who?

Baby dick, baby
dick, where is he?

You know what, I just
passed him down the hallway

if you hurry up,
you can catch him.

Alright, you all better
not be playing with me.

You're gonna have to run.

Alright, Jackie Joyner
Kersey, alright.

You can stop hiding
under your desk.

Alright, maybe I lost
my swagger a little,

so what's this plan?

What up?

Welcome back to the world.

Yeah, man.

Good, I got a job
for you already.

Let's get it, man.

Oh, I'm so happy to be out.

And, just like
in my pool game,

let's get you cleaned
up for your date.

So, all I gotta do is
give your boy some.

That's it.

I set him up, and
you knock him down.

I hope your boy ready, man.

It's been five years
since I had me some cut.

Yeah, man.

And, I heard he
likes it rough.

He gonna taste this tonight.

She has on some
expensive ass makeup.

Cool, my man.

She said you're about
to taste the flavors.

Now hold on, wait, wait, wait.

Hey, you know Bronson
doesn't do the cunnilingus.

That ain't what I heard.

Listen, picture this as your
first fight, okay, round one,

alright?

Two more rounds and
we go for the Snatch.

Alright, cool.

Alright?

My man.

Alright, go get
your swag back.

Yes, sir.

Come sit next to me, player.

Alright, sure.

Wow, you flexible.

I ain't gonna lie.

You're kinda sexy.

Always, daddy.

You trying to get into it?

What the hell was that?

That's
just my shank.

Shank, what the hell
you need a shank for?

Bitch gotta have
protection, right?

Fools be trippin',
you never know.

Where were we?

Man, your girl rode my
face like it was a bike.

Don't tell me you ate that.

I had no choice.

You can't eat
everybody cookin'.

You know what, they
don't call you Trouble

for nothin' to they?

What?

What's that smell?

It smells like dangerous pussy.

Now, listen this
next chick is a girl

named Hurricane Gussy.

She puts on like a Las
Vegas like style show.

Man, she a stripper?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you could say that.

Hey, before you go, I
got something for you.

Close your eyes.

Put your hands out.

Open 'em.

What is it?

It's a penis pump.

It's mine, I'm giving it to you.

It's yours?

Thanks, but no thanks.

I got a doctor you
can see about that.

Hey, you know I'm
strong, I stay working out.

May I help you?

I know that you're
submerged in work,

but I was hoping you'd
come up for some air.

The rose it looks a lot
better than the band aid does.

Thanks, my mother
sends me flowers

every week from our shop.

You said, "Our shop?"

Yeah, my family
owns a flower shop.

This is a petunia.

Family owned, huh?

So, they don't
send it down to you

from generation to generation,

you gonna be a flower keeper?

Maybe, this is for you.

I know that's not
what I think it is.

Is that a parfait?

That's my favorite.

How did you know?

I did my homework.

Char.

Okay, you got me.

I have to admit I did have
some insider information.

But, speaking of
Char, I actually have

to go run an errand for her.

I'll see you later.

Oh, are we
leaving early today?

I'm heading home.

Oh yeah, well Trouble
actually left this for you.

What is that?

What is it?

It's a--

It had this note, "Remember
Hurricane Gussy tonight."

That's right.

All the victims for
Hurricane Gussy,

they having a banquet
tonight in honor

of all those who didn't make it.

Really?

Well, what's that for then?

It's a pump.

I know it's a pump, but--

It's symbolic, you know,
for pumping out flood waters.

B, I've really never
heard of Hurricane Gussy,

but I'd love to come.

You think I can come?

Sorry, survivors only.

Really?

You know, funny because
it says, "Hurricane Gussy

strikes tonight
showtime eight o'clock."

Girl, they filmed a movie too.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

They gonna show
that tonight too.

You sure I can't
come, brother?

I'm sure, but look,
if you excuse me,

I gotta get going,
a banquet, bye.

Can you think
about it at least?

I'd love to come.

What?

You didn't use
the pump did you?

Hell no, I didn't
use that pump.

I knew it.

I told you, you're gonna
need it for Hurricane Gussy.

Using a pump is like
lifting weights.

Yo, why you
acting like this is

about to be a wrestling match?

Oh, you are a
sexy little thing.

Come here and give Gussy a hug.

Oh baby.

I'm gonna give you a show.

Stay right there,
stay right there.

Stay right there.

Let me get you comfortable.

Oh, that's right
papi, that's right.

How do I put this,
you're big and stuff.

Gussy gonna treat you right.

Let me take care of this now.

You got it?

Okay.

I brought my own music.

Oh yeah.

Ready for me, baby?

Let's go.

Gussy, what are you doing?

What you leaving?

I'm gonna kill Trouble.

I'm gonna kill him.

Damn, R. Shelly, pissing on me.

Open up just the torrential
rains of Hurricane Gussy.

Hell no that's
sewer water, bitch.

My man, how you like the show?

What does it smell like?

Oh man, what is that?

That smells like piss.

No, it's torrential rain as
in Hurricane Gussy's big ass.

Bull shit, that's pee.

No, no, no it's torrential
rain as of Hurricane Gussy.

Smell it again.

Oh man, you mean to
tell me she peed on you?

Well, I had to get
my ass outta there

before she started
them damn mudslides.

Mudslide.

Man, Hurricane Gussy's a trip.

Gussy, Gussy, Gussy!

Gussy, Gussy,

man, come on let's
play some pool brotha,

it'll make you feel better.

Gussy, Gussy, Gussy.

A mudslide, oh!

Trouble, I'm not
laughing, alright?

Yo, but I give you some credit

maybe this whole
getting these tuneups

before getting my
swagger back might help

but just for now let
me pick my women, man.

I got a phonebook full of women
I can call and knock down.

Man, most of them
girls after you

finish doggin' 'em
out have turned gay.

Listen, any woman I have
once, I can have again,

remember that, I schooled you.

As a matter of fact, rack
'em, so I can school you.

Let's see who I'm
gonna do tonight.

Oh, let's see, Leticia.

Tecia, what's up,
it's me Bronson.

How you doin'?

Well you know I just
called to see how you doing

and see what's doing with you.

Wanted to see if you
wanted to go out.

Uh, huh, kill myself,
okay, alright.

Hello, Kitty.

Hey, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.

You're a lesbian?

Well, bring your girl too.

Masako,

Hello?

Persha, Persha, how
you doing, baby?

It's me Bronson.

Let's go out.

You're cool with it.

Say tomorrow, meet me at
my place, say nine o'clock.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Listen, wear that
little thing I like.

You know I like thongs.

What the hell was that?

Why you leave me?

What you didn't like my show?

Gussy?

That's
right it's Gussy.

We need
to teach this fool

how to respect women.

Tee-Tee,
yo what are you all--

mi- ng[T)ee

ee] This is for all
the women that you did wrong.

Gussy?

Tee-Tee?

Thank you for dinner.

Thank you my Arabian princess.

Arabian.

You know I'm from Calabasas.

Well, you are as beautiful
as the Arabian lotus.

You know, if you
didn't dump me,

you wouldn't be
missing out on this.

So what, you're saying
I can't have it anymore?

Why do you deserve this?

Persha baby, it's been
agonizing not having you around.

Talk is so cheap.

You know, so
agonizing a brother

went and bought you this.

Oh yeah, check that out.

Brawny, oh it's...

It's a quarter karat
bigger than the one you

bought me last year.

Yeah, it set a
brother back a few,

but you deserve it.

Well,

I have to tinkle.

Go use the bedroom bathroom.

You remember where
that is don't you?

* About to get me
some ass tonight

* I'm getting some ass

Eww.

Yeah man, so I'll just
have to check that with you

probably tomorrow.

Alright.

Hi, I
got you a parfait.

Oh, parfait, thank you.

And, this flower's for
you, it's a marigold.

Thank
you, very sweet.

So, what
you do last night?

Nothing, I just
watched the game.

Cathy
Willis is walking in.

Who?

She's that
gossip new reporter.

She just barged in.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Here we have Bronson,
President of Sauce Records.

How you doing, Bronson?

Yo, what's goin' on?

Did you know he
has a sex tape out?

What?

I don't know what
you're talkin' about.

On the internet there's
a sex tape of you.

You can download it.

It's about a minute long.

It doesn't take
too long to watch.

In fact, I have it right here.

Check this out.

Is this woman your side dish?

This clearly was you.

Yo, that's not me.

That was you.

It looks like you.

Look, it's not, so let it go.

You and that camera
up out of my office.

This is Cathy Willis with--

Thank you.

You're getting a raise.

Come to my establishment,
disturbing my peace,

talking about sex tapes.

Mama, it's me if you see
something on the news,

it's just somebody's trying
to get me for my papers.

I love you.

Breaking
news, ladies and gentlemen.

The CEO of Sauce
Records, exposed.

We take you there.

You just lasted
like two minutes.

Two minutes, hell yeah, yes!

That's not me.

That was you.

That looks like you.

Yo, it's not, so let it go.

You and that camera
up out of my office.

This is Cathy Willis with
a Shea Shea news exclusive.

I told you about them freaky
escapes you been having.

That little stunt
Persha pulled on us,

it caught up with you.

Now, look at us,
no distribution.

We are Sauce Records.

We can get distribution
from anybody we want.

Not without a roster of acts.

Everybody wanna leave,
man, it didn't take longer

for them to hear about the news.

They want out.

They're in negotiations
with other labels.

Everybody?

Everybody want out.

And, Ms. Snatch?

She in negotiations with
that other record label,

Dav and Board.

I knew this was gonna happen.

I'm out.

After everything that happened
today, I need me a drink.

Char, I'm gonna have
to call you back.

I'll explain it to you later.

Come on, Bronson,
I'll take you home.

Come on.

Oh, my head is spinning.

Yeah, come on.

Thanks.

That's good.

Why do you care
about me so much?

I don't know,
stupidity I guess.

Mixed in with a
little bit of pity?

Just a tiny bit.

So, why didn't you
go to med school?

I wanted to know
what it was like

to work for a high
profile music label.

Now, that's stupidity.

Girl, I know your parents
are, like, pissed off.

They'll get over it.

I also wanted to meet you,
work for a music mogul,

meet cool people.

When Char offered me the
job, I just jumped at it.

Listen, music is
cutthroat, okay?

It's too cutthroat for a
young lady like yourself.

Listen, with your smarts,
you should be working

at a hospitial.

The truth is I've loved
you since I was a kid.

I have all your CDs.

Yo listen, stop with all
these complements, okay?

You're starting to
make me feel a little,

I mean I'm not
that dude anymore.

That person that you
fell in love with

was just an image
to sell records.

I mean...

Stop, yo wait.

What's wrong?

You're my intern.

And, you don't know me.

Let me get to know you.

* Awoken by the waves
as they're rolling in

* Blue sky is all I can see

* I wanna feel the
sun shine on my skin

* Riding high on the breeze

* Saw you passing me by

* Were you catching my eye

* Reckon that you
like the way I move

* Call me onto the floor

* Heartbeat asking for more

* Living for tonight
nothing to lose

* We're out on a wave together

* Lost forever
far away from home

* You show me a brand new rhythm

* Sunshine heaven
made for us to roam

* To my surprise

* To my surprise

* Found paradise

* Found paradise

* You play me the sound
of summer time

I didn't want to mess this up.

That was the best
59 seconds of my life.

Don't worry you'll get your
stamina back in no time.

No time?

I don't know how.

And, if I do, it's
gonna have to wait.

I got that damn
surgery next week.

I know how to help
you rehab faster.

What you Dr. Oz?

You got a hyperbaric chamber
in your basement or something?

No silly, but I can give you
one daily dose of vitamins,

and we can fuck everyday.

Okay, are you serious?

I'm serious.

So, that mean I gotta go
stock up on the condoms.

That'd be a good idea.

Hold that thought.

So, if you serious,

I'm serious.

Let's start as soon as you
finish doing what you got to do.

I can't believe you're moving
in with penis pump chump.

Please don't start.

Come on, Terry, I
mean Bronson is Bronson.

What is that supposed to mean?

Look, I've known
Bronson for a long time,

a long time, and that
guy has never loved

anyone else other than himself.

And, when he's done using you,

he's gonna dump you like
he does everyone else

and move on to his backup
plan whoever she is.

People change.

She's moving in?

Tomorrow.

Yo B. man, you about to
lose your record company,

now is not the time
to be honeymooning.

Listen, Terry's
just gonna help me

rehabilitate after
the surgery, okay?

Get a professional
nurse to do that.

Yo, this girl
went to med school,

I think she can handle it.

And, what the hell
am I supposed to do

while you're down for surgery?

Well, you my senior VP, right?

I want you to hold down the
label for me for a few weeks.

By the time you get
back, it could all be over.

You could lose it all.

My sex drive's gone.

My pipe's not working.

I can't have sex
more than a minute.

What can anybody
else take from me?

Yo, I'm gonna get my life back,

and this woman's
gonna help me do it.

I just hope you have
a label to come back to.

Now, you of all people know,

I ain't afraid of being broke.

If I got to, I'll go
back to selling CDs

out of the trunk of my car
to build me another company,

and besides that's not
gonna happen anyway.

We'll be working from home.

You got me?

I gotcha, man.

Go and heal up,
I'll hold ya down.

My man.

Let's get this paper.

You know, I've been
meaning to ask you,

exactly what are your
intentions with my girlfriend?

What do you mean, Char?

I mean do you even love her?

Char--

Hi Char.

Hey, sorry
I left today, girl.

Oh, no problem,
Trouble helped me.

Thank you.

Hey look guys, give
us a minute, alright?

Me and Char have to finish up
some contract stuff, alright?

Sure.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Look, to answer you question,

I have deep feelings for her.

So, let me get this straight.

My girl is about to give
up med school for you,

and all you can say is I
have deep feelings for her.

Are you serious?

Well, I have news
for you, Chris Brown

had deep feelings
for Rihanna, so?

Yo, my man bananas about you.

Don't think I'm
not the same way.

Look, before you came
along Bronson's image

around here was
that of a player.

But, that was mostly
just to sell our brand.

Now, with you all hooking
up, I don't want you

chasing away the groupies.

Why am I even
discussing this with you?

I just want to know one thing.

What?

Are you gonna treat him right?

Yes.

Damn, you trying to get
a promotion or something?

Girl, you need to
think about school.

Wait, what?

Okay look, let's all
just look at this

from a different
perspective, okay?

I mean I haven't exactly
given up going to school.

Me and Bronson are gonna
be more like a team.

After his surgery,
I'm gonna help him

rehab all the soreness away.

That's brilliant, why
didn't I think of that?

You gonna get his pogo
stick hopping again, huh?

Listen, instead of hooking you
up with two or three freaks

for the tuneup, you just
move a bitch in with you.

I mean,

What is
he talking about?

Look, nothing.

Trouble, shut up.

Me and Char are gonna
leave you all two love birds,

I mean, teammates alone.

Come on, Char.

Look girl, I want
what's best for you guys,

but you need to think
about school, okay?

Girl, don't you...

Bronson, what is
Trouble talkin' about?

Yo look, that's just Trouble
being Trouble, alright?

I mean listen to his name.

But, you know what
he was talking about.

Look, I do, but--

So, I wanna know.

Okay, I'll tell you,
alright, if you leave me alone.

Well, you know,
Ms. Snatch, we...

we smashed.

I knew it.

But look baby,
it was horrible.

I didn't like it and...

I came quick.

You know I knew there was
something wrong with me.

That's why Trouble was
trying to fix me up

with all these crazy ass dates,
so I can get my stamina back

and have a goagain
at Ms. Snatch.

Is that still your plan?

No baby, that's not my plan.

Well, your friend
doesn't seem to think so.

Look, let me worry
about Trouble, alright?

I'll make sure he
get the memo, okay?

But, until then let's just
go in the kitchen, you know,

fix a few sandwiches,
I'm hungry.

And, I'm a little nervous
about this surgery.

Don't be, it's gonna
be a piece of cake, okay?

I have some very
bad news for you.

Give it to me straight, doc.

I had to cut off
your pixie stick.

You had to do what?

I'm very sorry.

I use that.

It's not like you were
using it correctly anyways.

You a crazy ass doctor.

Can I grab your nuts now?

Oh, hell no.

Look at them muscles.

Okay, hey, don't ever
do that to me again.

That's a tall ass gay dude.

Yo, I just wanna lay
on my side, alright?

Hey yo, wait, can you
get a bucket of ice

to pour on my ass please.

Yo, what's up?

yeah
yo, how's your ass?

It hurt man, what you think?

How's surgery?

Not good.

But yo, let's
change the subject,

how's the label comin' along?

Not good, we need
more acts, man.

Well, Mr. A&R, get out
there and sign some more acts.

Man, it's not any easy
as it sound, everybody know

we're in Trouble.

What's wrong?

Yo, I just need
to rest, alright?

Alright you do that,
you heal up, man.

I'll holla back, I got
a lot of work to do.

Yeah, yeah.

Will rest in a second, okay?

Yo, I wanna know
one thing, alright?

Is all this walking part
of my rehabilitation?

Yes it strengthens
your muscles.

I just wanna know when we
gonna get to that hot sex, girl?

You can barely
walk, and you're

already thinking about sex?

Yeah, I just think
that'd help me better

than all this damn walking.

Uh, huh, we'll see.

Oh my God baby, this
is a breakthrough.

You lasted for seven minutes.

Yo girl, I'm not
even gonna lie, girl,

your therapy is working.

You know what you need?

Add another woman
and have a threesome?

No silly, pumpkin seeds.

Pumpkin seeds?

For what?

It'll replenish
your sperm count.

Pumpkin seeds?

Oh, so you were serious
about them pumpkin seeds?

Yeah, I was serious.

Drink up.

You sure?

Girl, that was nasty.

But, I can feel my balls filling
up with sperm already, see?

Quit playin', it
doesn't work that fast.

I do, come here, girl.

Yo, B!

It's your Boy.

B?

He must be in his studio.

Cotton ball, motherfucker.

* When you comin' home with me

I really like that track.

I think I could really do
something with that melody.

Really?

Yeah, good work!

Well, thank you.

You know, it's just
another Bronson beat.

So, I can give you this one
along with a few others, and--

And, I'll have something
for you by next week,

is that okay?

I'm gonna hold you to it.

Alright, sound good.

Alright, feel better.

Thank you, baby.

Little salsa
caliente, you, afuera!

* Do you wanna take
me over the limit

* Cause I'm givin'
everything I need

* if you wanna come
and be my fantasies

What up boy?

Can't call it.

Did you happen to pass the...

I saw that, I saw that.

Emael Chavez, straight
from Mexico, bad!

Voice is crazy.

She may be what
Sauce Records needs.

So, what's up?

Check it, I got
an act we can sign.

Come on!

Beautiful.

Yes.

Intelligent.

Yes.

Attractive female.

Come on, man.

World renowned.

Who is she?

Ms. Snatch.

Hell no!

I'm not, no.

She been asking about you,

sayin' that she still
might be interested.

And, she said she'd bring
in three more acts with her.

How they sound, guys,
girls, group, trio, threesome,

foursome, what?

Come on now, I know talent.

Alright, so let's sign 'em!

Yeah, but you gotta close
the deal with Ms. Snatch,

knock it out.

You want me to make
love to this woman?

No!

Come here you ain't listening.

Come here, come here.

I want you to fuck her!

No man.

Yo, me and Terry, man, we
got something real special.

I can't, I'm sorry.

You playin' right?

You sick, what's wrong?

You have no fever.

I'm serious as
a matter of fact

I wanna be with my
woman right now.

So, If you'll
excuse me, alright?

You playin', right?

So, fill me in on what's
up with you and Bronson?

Actually, it's the best
relationship I've ever been in.

Really?

He treats me like a queen.

Well, I don't mean
to sound like a hater,

but you need to watch this guy.

That Ms. Snatch has been
snoopin' around the office.

They call her Ms. Snatch 'cause
she will snatch your man,

okay?

I wouldn't trust that
girl around my man

if her coochie lips
were stitched together.

The heifer's got a
mouth, don't she?

She will suck that boy dry
the minute you walk away.

You're crazy.

So, what you all
two laughing about?

I mean I wanna laugh,
Trouble you wanna laugh?

I feel like laughing.

Whatever, it's girl
talk, thank you very much.

And Char was just leaving.

Yes, I was leaving.

I'll see you at work.

Bye.

What you all
have to talk about?

Nothing, girl talk.

Alright well,
hurry up out here

'cause I got something waiting
for you in the bedroom.

Really?

Keyword, duct tape.

Duct tape?

The only way we
are going to survive

is if you hook up
with Ms. Snatch.

Yo look, I told
you I'll go back

to selling out of
the trunk of my ride.

Yeah, that's okay,
and that's fine for you.

But, what about all the
employees here at Sauce Records

depending on a check from
you to feed their families?

What about me?

What about Char?

That's the nature
of the business, man.

Man, that's all I got!

Man, you selfish, man.

Yo, yo, what are you doing?

I haven't cum, yet.

I did.

Plus, it's been 30 minutes.

Your stamina has
really increased.

I'm thirsty,
you want anything?

More sex, yes.

I'm tired, can
we finish later?

I guess.

Okay.

I created a monster.

Yo Trouble, what up, boy?

Yeah, yeah man, I
thought of that.

Look, tell Ms.
Snatch we can do it.

I just gotta get rid
of Terry this weekend.

Yeah man, Brawny back.

I'm back to running
marathons, cool.

Baby, what's the matter?

Don't touch me!

It's not what
you think, Terry!

Bronson, thank you
for meeting with me.

You know, Trouble told me
about your medical condition,

the hemorrhoids.

I really should apologize
for shitting on you.

I guess I was a little
bitchy, they would say.

But, Baby Dick and Cotton
Balls, they were this year's

most downloaded songs,
so I guess something good

came out of it.

But, I was hoping that maybe
I can make it up to you.

Bronson,

are you listening to me?

Yeah, what were you sayin'?

I said I was hoping I
can make it up to you.

I mean, I really make
it worth you while.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So?

I'll call you tomorrow.

Make sure you call
this time, alright?

Yeah, yeah.

Talk to you tomorrow.

What are you doing here?

Terry ain't here.

So, where is she?

I haven't seen her.

I warned you about hurting her.

Look, I know I
was wrong, alright?

But, I did what I
thought was best.

I made a good decision
for the company

so to speak what I thought
was a good decision, alright?

It wasn't just for me.

It was for you.

It was for Trouble.

It was for everybody at Sauce.

Yeah, everybody
except Terry, right?

Look, there's no
right way to do wrong,

and no wrong way to do right.

I mean what you're doing here,
looking for her is right,

but it's too late.

Well, if you see her, tell
her I said, "I'm sorry."

Actually, she enrolled
back in med school up North.

Okay, yo thanks.

Can I help...

What are you doing here?

I just came to
deliver a message.

Well, you should've
just emailed me.

You know Terry, I've had a
lot of success over the years.

And, then I lost something
very important to me.

Remember, how you
used to tell me

whenever you feel pain
to hold your breath

and the pain will go away.

I've been holding my
breath for months.

Terry, my heart still hurts
ever since you left me.

What are you doing here?

I thought you didn't chase
them, you replace them.

Look, love is just a word
until somebody comes along

and gives it meaning.

For me, you gave it that.

I mean, I hadn't realized
how empty I had become.

My whole world was
built off a lie.

My swag, my confidence,
it all was a lie.

And, when I lost my sex drive,

it all fell apart,
but you, you helped me

get my life back together.

It's not that easy.

We have to do a lot of
talking before we get--

Now, I recognize you.

You're Bronson
from Sauce Records.

Man, congratulations
on signing Ms. Snatch.

You signed her!

Yeah, Cotton
Balls and Baby Dick,

those are my favorite songs.

You signed her!

Yeah, but it wasn't like--

I hate you!

Thanks.

Keep on pimpin' player.

Listen, I didn't
have to sleep with her.

You're lying!

No, she's dating Trouble now.

Terry, If you would just listen.

No!

It's not gonna
work with us, okay?

I'm not some sort
of back up plan

you use whenever you wanna
get your life back together.

Look, I'm just trying
to do right by you.

That's all.

I want you to be my wife.

No.

Now leave, okay?

Just get out of here.

Hey girl, I'm
guessing Bronson just came by.

Can you believe he told
me something about Snatch

and Trouble dating?

Yeah
well, you don't want

a guy like that anyway.

Are Trouble and Snatch dating?

It doesn't
matter just do you, girl,

and keep working
and going to school

Are Trouble and Snatch dating?

I guess
they've been talking, I mean,

but really do think
it's gonna last?

Hello?

No look Trouble, I'm done
talking your stupid advice.

Okay, okay.

So, what you gonna do?

I don't even know, man, I
feel so scrubbed out right now.

Man,
you ain't no scrub.

Listen, I gotta go.

I got Snatch in the
room waitin', gotta go.

You know, I lost love
to help you find love.

Love, wait up.

Me and Snatch are smashin'.

I ain't waiting
for no honeymoon.

Matter of fact, you
give me the honey,

you can keep the moon.

Whatever man, just tell
her I said, "What's up."

Alright,
just give it some time.

I love you ,

Bronson Bartholomew
Jenkins Williams the third.

Anyone present
here today that feels

that this marriage
should not take place,

speak now or forever
hold your peace.

I do.

State your
name and your reason.

Hurricane Gussy and
Bronson owes me $350

for a show I gave him.

You survived
Hurricane Gussy too?

Bitch, I am Hurricane Gussy.

Oh hell no!

Get your hands off of me!

Get those paws off of me!

You big old brute!

Look at you, your mamas
probably throw you back in!

Charity event.

Rings please.

Do you Bronson Bartholomew
Jenkins Williams the third

take this woman to be your wife?

Yes, I do.

And do you, Terry--

I do too.

* In your eyes

* I can see you're what you need

* By your side

* Is where I want to be

* Where I wanna be, baby

* No surprise that
I love you like I do

* I'm falling

* I'm falling for you

Doc, I have finally
gotten over my fear

of your examinations,
and I'm ready to start.

So, let's get this over with.

Come on, let's make
it do what it do.

Well, Mr. Williams
according to your report,

I'm not going to have
to exam your behind.

You don't?

Instead, I have to
insert this long tube

through the opening of your
penis and drain your bladder.

It is going to hurt very much.

Oh hell no!

Bitch, you still crazy.

I told you about
calling me that.

Yeah well, any woman
that wants to be,

you're honest to God a
crazy fascination for dicks.

I have seen your
little wiggle ranch,

and I am not fascinated by that.

You get out of my office again.

Ms. Snatch and
Bronson house is caramel.

The way that I
taste freaks you out

just as the pace, I've
got the,

ah, sorry.

What the hell
is wrong with you?

I ain't got time
for this bullshit.

What the fuck you doing?

What the fuck.

Sit your ass down!

Get your ass down!

I ain't no bitch.

Get your ass, what?

Bullshit.

Don't call me.

I'll call you about
those contracts.

Yo, ass boxes?

Yeah, I'll hold.

She said you're about
to taste the flavors.

Yo, hold on, man,
you know, Bronson

doesn't do the cunndalingus.

Ain't what I
heard, but anyway.

Not
for me, cunnilingus.

Cunnilingus!

Cunnilinger.

Cunndalingus?

Cunnilingus that's what I said.

It just sounded
like, you said cunndalingus.

The black people
will understand.

Is that a corn?

You are so selfish,
but you know what,

I knew that, and
I told her that.

But, she didn't
want to hear me out.

And, please do not
improv by myself

because it does not feel
good, do you understand me?

So, if you see, if you
must know, Bronson, B.

if I can call you that.

It wasn't my fault.

It wasn't my fault.

Oh yeah, well I've
seen your wiggle ranch,

and believe me it's
not fascinating.

But, at the moment, it's
all I got so come here.

* Girl, he got a baby dick

* A baby dick

* A baby dick

* Girl, he got a baby dick

* Uh uh, girl stop

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Baby got a peewee

* Him pee-pee a little wee-wee

* My slacks in the back
are the black on black

* Chauffeur therms
gonna wreck some Iraq

* Got a house in the hills,
got a house in the hood

* Look for a bottle let
me bounce on his wood

* I'm a ride that
bitch like a surfboard

* Better hear that from the
back while I twerk on him

* Then I sit in his lap
and go to work on him

* When swerve on,
throw the curves on him

* But

* Girl, that ain't this

* This whole ass
nigga wants to, shit

* Mr. Can't Get It Up
puts some ass and says

* I'm like hey little
bro' let me ask ya this

* Have you ever seen
an ass like this before

* Have you ever fucked
another bad bitch before

* Did the girls laugh when
your drawers hit the floor

* You better let me
know before I let you go

* Girl, he got a baby dick

* A baby dick

* A baby dick

* Girl, he got a baby dick

* Uh, uh, girl stop

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Baby got a peewee

* Him pee-pee a little wee-wee

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Baby got a peewee

* Him pee-pee a little wee-wee

* Girl, remember that fool
I was telling you about

* Which one the buffoon
with the sleepy eyes

* Girl, don't be fooled
by all those muscles

* He ain't got nothin'
where it counts

* What

* Yeah girl, he got a
baby dick and cotton balls

* A baby dick

* A baby dick

* Uh uh, girl stop

* Let me tell ya about it

* At his crib, big
house in the hills

* Itch for the dick
no doubt it was real

* Looking like D'Angelo
and the guy's to fill

* Do be fucking Ms. Snatch
from the back, can you dig

* Little bit deeper, put
something in a reaper

* Can land these niggas
in the bed can ya keep her

* One, two, three, the
you bring it up against

* Thought I was getting smashed
but I suddenly got mashed

* Mash dick never
that mash dick, boy

* Boy masher complains

* Mash dick, boy,
masher complains

* Mash dick, boy,
masher complains

* Mash dick, boy,
masher complains

* Mash dick, boy

* Masher complains

* Mash dick, boy
masher complains

* Mash dick, boy,
masher complains

* Masher complains

* Masher complains

* Girl, he got a baby dick

* A baby dick

* A baby dick

* Girl he got a baby dick

* Uh, uh girl, stop

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Baby got a peewee

* Him pee-pee a little wee-wee

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Baby got a peewee

* Him pee-pee a little wee-wee

* Girl, he got a baby dick

* A baby dick

* Girl, he got a baby dick

* A baby dick

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Goo-goo, ga-ga, pee-pee

* Baby got a peewee

* Him pee-pee a little wee-wee