All language subtitles for [English (auto-generated)] Amityville Bigfoot (2023) Horror Comedy Movie

[music]

It's just not making any sense. These

are the same increments we used on the

last specimen with this. Yeah. [music]

with still no reaction.

>> I have titrated these samples three

times. The results just don't add up.

What I think happened was that a

chemical combustion occurred between the

HCl and the CO2, causing the solution to

evaporate.

>> It's true, Simon. I ran the labs myself

and got the exact same results. I I

don't know what's happening here.

>> Well, I want the doses tripled and we

got to move on this, okay? Cuz we also

got to move our operations ASAP. We need

to get results on this.

>> Hey, do you think it's really a good

idea to [music] increase the dosage that

much so soon? I mean, that thing could

go into shock.

>> Well, at this point, it's worth the risk

cuz we put too much in it already just

to get no usable data at the very least.

And so, [music] we need to get that

thing back on the table and get to work

on it ASAP.

>> Louie, Louie, Lou, are you back there?

Can you make sure that thing is sedated

on the table, please?

You mean you want me to take that thing

out again? I had to sedate the hell out

of it the last time. Nearly took my arm

off. If you ask me, I say we put that

thing down.

>> It's not happening.

>> Luis, can we please have some human

dignity? This is a living being we are

talking about, not some rat on the

ground.

>> That wasn't like me, ma'am. It's just I

don't know what right the back that

thing is.

>> Louie, can you please get that right

now? What thou thing is and please get

the goddamn thing and make sure it's

sedated and still back there and on the

table. Please, Louie, please

go. Louie, go.

Louis a [ __ ] [ __ ] You got to get

rid of Louis. He is the dumbest [ __ ]

we've got. We're falling apart because

of people like Lou. That's why this

operation is a disaster. Sir,

>> right now there's nothing else we can

do. So like right now we just need to

get on this. Need to get on this.

>> Yeah. Just

>> sir, I don't think you know what you're

doing here, sir. I'm starting to be a

little worried about you.

>> Neither do you. Godamn.

>> I DON'T THINK ANY OF US KNOW what

[ __ ] doing here, sir. Obviously

nothing's working. Well, THEN MAKE

SOMETHING WORK.

>> HOPEFULLY, IT WORKS. THIS PLACE IS FULL

OF TWINS.

>> Shut up before I slap you.

>> You're not going to slap me.

>> Yes, I am.

>> You slap me, I'll tell the big boss.

>> Go ahead.

>> Yeah, go ahead. I'll slap you.

>> I'll slap the [ __ ] out of you. I'll go

grab IT. THERE YOU GO. COME ON NOW.

>> YOU SAY [ __ ]

>> HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. I'LL GRAB

YOUR BOOBS. I'LL GRAB YOUR SIMON.

>> SIMON, grab it. Simon,

>> Louie, how's it going?

I got to go sedate that thing back

there.

>> Really? Well, I mean, who told you that,

>> man? Yeah, I know. Well, you know, she's

probably right. That thing or whatever

it is, it's making a lot of noise out

there, so [music] you know, you best be

safe.

>> You'll be all right.

>> Smoking sturgeon.

>> Well, let me know if you need me.

>> [groaning]

>> All righty.

>> Luis, I need those readings. Louise,

Luis, get up. Why are you so lazy? What

is wrong with you? Get up, Louise. Luis,

listen to me when I'm talking to you. I

need those readings.

>> [laughter]

>> My god. Can you guys take a little pride

in your workspace? This place is a

[ __ ] pigsty. That's why this place is

[ __ ] falling apart. Louie, are you

asleep? Did you inject yourself in the

ass again with that [ __ ] syringe?

Louie, wake the [ __ ] up. Louie.

Annie, what are you doing? Annie, you

all right?

>> It's penetrated me. Ew. Louie, did you

have sex with Annie? Annie, are you all

right?

What is going on? Annie, [snorts]

did something really bad happen?

Louie, did you do something very

inappropriate?

Did you molest her? Louie

Lou, what did you do?

>> [music]

>> I'm not killing it.

Go away. Go away.

>> Cut.

Perfect. [sighs]

>> Get that monkey breath away from me.

>> Oh, that's better. I'm a Bigfoot, not a

dragon. Francesca, that was beautiful.

Tony, you look a little hairy, but oh my

god, guys, THIS FOOTAGE IS STUNNING.

>> THAT'S HORRIBLE.

>> WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? IS IT EVEN A

MONKEY SUIT?

>> IT WAS IT WAS THE BEST $50 I EVER SPENT.

>> OH MY GOD.

>> MY GOD, [screaming] IT'S TERRIBLE.

>> IT LOOKED A LOT BETTER THAN THE PARTY

STORE. BUT

>> READY FOR THE BLOOD YET?

>> NO, NO, NO, NO, not yet. NOT YET.

>> TAKE MY BIG FOOT AND SHOVE IT SO FAR UP

YOUR ASS.

>> TAKE YOUR MEDICATION. IT'S GOING TO BE

OKAY. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. ALL RIGHT,

EVERYBODY.

>> Reset to one. All right, everybody

ready? Are we ready FOR ANOTHER ONE?

>> NO, WE'RE NOT READY FOR ANOTHER ONE.

WHAT THE [ __ ] IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? GO

OVER THERE AND FIX THAT [ __ ] LOOKS LIKE

CRAP.

>> ALL RIGHT. UH, hold on, EVERYBODY.

>> GOD DAMN IT.

All right. How's it going over here,

guys? Look, my dad, he loves this stuff.

Okay. Absolutely love. I love your

acting, your your you know, your energy

there. Oh my god, dude. It's just it's

gold. Absolutely gold. You and I [ __ ]

I had to sell my Hummer to get this

suit. Isn't it beautiful? It's [ __ ]

beautiful. Well worth all the thousands

of dollars I spent it. Smell.

>> That's my musk.

>> Relax.

>> Kind of smells like success.

>> Yep.

>> It's killing me. I can't do this

anymore.

>> All right, you I'm going to step back.

You enjoy. Um, one more take.

>> I'm not getting paid enough for this

[ __ ]

>> None of us are.

>> Oh my god. What the [ __ ] are we doing

here? We got Bigfoot over here. Dragon

dragging this peanut butter. Bounce it.

Want you show your tits a little bit,

sweetheart. Thank you. What the? And

goddamn mosquitoes.

>> Yeah. You know, you were so talented. I

think you should be a big movie.

>> I should.

>> M I M R A D. Why I'm holding this big?

>> I have no idea.

>> Okay. Who do I [ __ ] around here to use

the fake blood I spent all week making?

>> Blood.

>> [ __ ] blood. This is what blood drop

of blood in the whole movie.

>> Don't worry. I fixed it, DAD. [ __ ]

FISH.

>> I SAID I JUST FIXED IT. DAD, calm down.

All right. It's going to be good. Just

good. Guys, what's going on here? Why

the [ __ ] butter fingers? All right,

everybody. Just reset to one. Okay,

we're going to do one more take for

safety.

>> You know what? He threw the blood on me.

>> He did.

>> It's true.

>> You didn't do [ __ ]

>> Be professional, please. All right,

reset to one. One more take.

>> Wait, I need my makeup fix. I cannot

work like this. I'm sweating. This guy's

monkey suit is all over me. I can't.

>> No. No. Hey. Hey. You You look great.

Okay. You look [ __ ] sexy. Okay. You

look Okay, you look beautiful. And you

don't need help.

>> That's not the question. I know I look

beautiful. I know I'm perfect, but I

need to get fixed up. I cannot work in

this environment. This is [ __ ]

>> Okay, you're right. You're right. You

know what? You're absolutely right.

Makeup.

>> What the [ __ ] do you want?

>> Come on. Get

>> um Hello. Your [ __ ] job.

>> Whatever.

>> Look, she she comes with a lot of good

recommendations.

>> Sure she does.

>> So, she wants a touchup

>> again.

>> Yeah.

>> Do your [ __ ] job. I mean, what else

are you hired for?

Speaking of who taught you how to do

makeup in the first place? Are you even

licensed? Are you trained? Look, I'm

getting paid to make you look like the

character in the next who you are,

sweetie.

>> Says who? Says the big boss man.

>> That [ __ ] idiot.

>> Really?

>> I'm standing right here, guys.

>> And

>> just sit still so I can do this. Please.

>> I can do it myself.

>> You know what? I quit. I'm done. She's

up in a [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm done.

>> That's right. Get out of here. Oh my

god.

>> Nobody needs you.

>> Please do your job.

>> ANOTHER ONE.

>> WHAT THE [ __ ] HELL ARE YOU DOING?

YOU'RE RUINING MY MOVIE. MORE TALENT

QUITTING. GOD DAMN IT. YOU'RE RUINING

EVERYTHING. IF YOU DON'T FIX THIS

[ __ ] [ __ ] RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE OUT OF

THE BASEMENT. YOU'RE MOVING OUT

[screaming] OF THE HOUSE AND I'M NOT

FUNDING ANY MORE OF THESE GODDAMN

MOVIES. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

>> YEAH, I I GET IT. I GET IT, DAD. I'LL

[screaming]

>> I'LL FIX IT.

>> You know what? If we have more helper,

we should not have so many problem when

you have more PA. Where stupid Jasper?

>> That's a good question.

>> He got paid and he should be here right

now.

>> I agree. But I I think things are going

pretty smoothly, aren't you think?

>> No, I don't think so. See, why should I

still holding this stupid circle? Hi. Is

anybody want to hold it? No.

is daddy mad again. Don't worry, I'll go

find out because I don't give a [ __ ]

>> Thanks, Eli. Thanks a lot,

Tony. Tony, my man, how you doing? Huh?

>> I'm feeling great.

>> My dad, the producer, he's [ __ ]

loving your [ __ ] man. You look You're

selling this costume, man. Nobody else

could sell it like you. All right.

I might get you some deodorant, though.

But, uh, you going to be reset for

lunch?

>> I understand that. Um, do you have

anything any special requests for lunch?

We're not doing any dollar menu [ __ ]

Okay, this time this is a real Hollywood

prediction picture.

>> No, Bigfoot likes to eat.

>> I love it. Tony, you're the man. All

right, everybody reset.

>> BRING ON THE HERO.

>> I WANT

smoke banana peels instead. Smoke banana

peel.

>> Smoke away.

>> Jasper,

WHAT THE [ __ ] AUT, YOU AUTISTIC [ __ ]

WHAT THE [ __ ] are you doing? You're

supposed to be on set. Where's my

[ __ ] coffee?

>> What the [ __ ] are you PEOPLE LIKE? DO

YOU KNOW WHO THE [ __ ] I GO? GOD DAMN IT.

LET'S GO.

>> I got to sit down. I got to sit down.

>> Wake up.

>> I got to sit down.

>> You got to stay awake. Put me down. Put

me down. Put me down. Put me down. Put

me down. PUT ME DOWN. PUT HIM DOWN. PUT

HIM DOWN. DAMN IT.

>> OH, my head. My [screaming] head.

>> Watch it.

on my back.

>> Ow.

>> Oh, my head. It's killing me, son. Your

stupid beef would tried to kill me.

>> Well, look, it didn't kill you. So So

quit your whining and get up.

>> This this thing, right, that did it look

more like a a animal or creature or a

person or other?

>> I don't know what it looked like. I just

know I came in the room. It hit me. It

was hit me on the [ __ ] head. It just

hit me on the [ __ ] head. Let's stop

that. Let's stop that.

>> Make it worse.

>> He hit me over the head and I fell down.

>> Yeah. Is the big boss coming?

>> You know, the one I never met.

>> Annie, why are you so worried about the

boss all of a sudden? I'm the only boss

here that you need to be worried about.

And as a matter of fact, I'm starting to

not like your tone. Okay. So, what's

really going on here?

>> Can you guys please worry ABOUT THE GUY

ON THE GROUND WITH A HEAD INJURY?

PLEASE. SHUT UP THERE AND WORRY ABOUT

ME.

>> YOU BE QUIET.

>> WORRY about him.

>> No, I'm worried about this possible spy

I have right here in front of me.

>> I've saw you taking pictures and you've

been nosing around and stuff.

>> Just fine. Just [clears throat] Oh, now

you can get up.

>> All right. All right. I'll get up.

[sighs]

>> Give me a minute. All right. Help me up.

Help me up. Pull me up. Here we go.

>> I can't do this myself. PULL MY ASS UP.

WHOA. I FLEW UP ON THAT ONE. Holy [ __ ]

Food.

Ooh, real food. But I got to sanitize my

hands.

Oh, there's a pen of chocolate.

My favorite.

>> Oh my god. Are they done with the

[ __ ] screen queen yet? I mean, I'm

not getting paid to sit on my ass

getting eat by mosquitoes all day.

>> Oh, okay. Oh, boo freaking who? We sat

there in your big freaking fancy luxury

hotel room for one day. Okay. Now I feel

you on on the mosquitoes. All right.

>> Hi.

>> Thank you.

>> What exactly are you doing over here

sitting around here again?

>> Excuse me.

>> You know we are unforgivingly behind on

schedule.

>> Can you take your job more seriously?

>> We have more hats to wear than before to

get things done.

You know the lights is changing again

soon.

>> Well, you know I I might have some more

hands. Okay, for the special occasion.

Okay, they're they're badass hat ass.

They're they're freaking beautiful. But

you know what? Hold that thought. I got

Oh, what is going on over there? I'll be

right back.

>> Oh, what are they doing?

>> Beautiful.

>> Hey, Jasper. Give me a coffee, man.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Ah, yes. The gang will love me.

You know, Annie, what do you want me to

do? What are we going to do?

>> Keep it down. Okay.

>> Yeah. Okay. What What are we going to

do?

>> I'm an activist. I work with a group of

amazing people who have been tracking

this company for months now. All right.

We are looking at what Amityville

Chemical Company has been doing to

living creatures and [snorts] recording

it. So, you are shady. This whole time

you've been shady.

>> Yes. I mean, no. No. We are here to

protect the animals. That Bigfoot has a

soul. That bigfoot has a heart. That

Bigfoot is a beautiful creature.

>> That Bigfoot is killing people. And

you're telling me that there's actress

out there? What are the activists going

to do? You know what's going to happen

to the activists if the actress come

across the Bigfoot? The Bigfoot is going

to kill them.

>> No. No, he's not. He's going to see that

we are trying to help him. We need to

help the Bigfoot. All right. What you're

doing is bad. What you're doing is evil.

Simon is the devil. Okay. I need you to

help me.

>> You know, Annie, I'm starting to think

that you need my help. Is that right?

>> I do need your help.

>> All right. Listen, Annie. I'll call some

kind of a distractions. You You know, we

can give him a paper. We can say that

this is a report and everything and

then, you know, I'll figure it out.

Okay. I'll help you out. Is that what

you want?

>> More than anything.

>> All right. I'll do it. Okay. I'll do it

for you. You touched my shoulder.

>> Yes. Yes, I am.

>> I am. Thank you. Okay, let's go. Okay,

let's go. You're holding my hand now,

too.

>> I can't believe that today's society,

you know, back in the day it was cool to

smoke dope, but nowadays it's on every

damn street corner.

>> When I want to be cool now, you know

what I got to do?

>> What?

>> Meth.

>> Oh, man.

>> That [ __ ] will [ __ ] up your teeth.

>> Yeah. And a lot more. I tried that for a

while, but it got me in a lot of trouble

with the fuzz, man.

>> The cops. It just I almost ended up in

prison. You ever tried psilocybin or

measculine or anything?

>> Wow, that's a trip. And he never stopped

talking. He just talk talk talk. It's

like speed but it's more gentle. It's uh

not as hard on you. But

>> you know the grass nowadays I think they

call it something else. But it's uh it's

so much more powerful.

Where the hell did that bum go? I know

he's got to have something. Bums always

got goods. Oh, they always do.

>> Rub a dump dump. Here comes the grub.

>> What the hell are you doing? Not [ __ ]

God damn it, Blue. Where's my blueberry

muffin? All those people crowded around

the table up there. They ate them all.

>> And where's my high-fiber brownie? You

I'm I've been having a tough time going.

You know, I I need to stay regular.

I'll reach out.

Ed, pull it out. God, that's disgusting.

Never mind. I'm not hungry anymore. I

did it at the Liberace concert. I

screamed, "Libby, LET ME PUSH YOUR STOOL

IN FOR YOU."

>> HEY, HEY, HEY. How y'all doing today?

So, check it out. My name is Jasper. I'm

uh uh I'm shooting a movie up down the

road, right? And uh kind of ran into a

little bit of a pickle, you see. Uh kind

of ran out of uh you know, the goods,

you I'm talking about like the and uh

the uh and uh and uh even

and oh, don't forget this one. And uh

y'all seem like you might be able to

help me out with that if y'all can might

be able to work out a little bit of a

deal. You see,

>> you got anything to trade for it? Like

uh man, you got any booze?

>> Hell no, man. That's bad for your liver,

man. Come on now. Trying to live a

healthier life, man.

>> You know what? You're an [ __ ] dude.

Get out of here.

>> Hey, come on, man. I mean I mean don't

be holding on I do 12 hour days man I

can't be doing this man I mean for the

love of God man you have to help a

brother out man

>> I got nothing

>> I'll tell you right now I'll even get

you guys even on the film right how

about that yeah

>> that's what we could do if y'all help me

out I could help you out

>> I see stars over my eyes

>> yes

>> yes that's what I'm saying

>> that God Sambido agrees with you and he

has a sacrament come closer Sir, this

sacrament will blow your mind.

>> What in the hell is that?

>> Come closer. You could smell it from

over there.

>> I'm down. Let's do it.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> My new best friend.

>> All [laughter] right.

>> Here. Um, yeah. Roll a number.

>> Oh, hell yeah. Watch out for the fleas.

Are you really on a firstname basis with

Liberace?

>> Yeah. Why do you think my name is Blue?

That's so cool. That's cool.

>> Blue, you didn't know Liberace. That's

[ __ ]

>> I did.

>> What's your production called?

>> Uh it it's called u um the Bigfoot.

Okay. Cool.

Yeah, it's uh I think it's going to go

places, man. I think I really feel it's

going to go the distance, you know? It's

going to be all up on uh all the up on

those streaming services and, you know,

and all that all that jazz, man.

>> Great.

>> Yeah, buddy.

>> Oh, I burnt down many forests before. I

hope we don't have another fire.

>> Oh, were you the one responsible for

that last one?

>> No, it was Richard Prior.

>> Oh, son of a [ __ ]

>> I knew it was somebody, man. I was like,

damn.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's some good [ __ ]

>> Yeah.

[ __ ] that stupid [ __ ] kind of me. do

my [ __ ] job. [ __ ] her. [ __ ] all this

[ __ ] man. Oh, I quit anyway.

[ __ ] people. [ __ ] What

these [ __ ] want, man?

Whoa. Nice. I like it. Nice and furry.

Nice. Yeah. Right on. Yeah.

Hey, no. It ain't like that, homie.

Don't play like that. Uh-uh. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. NO. NOT HAPPENING. NO.

[ __ ] THIS.

RUN, YOU [ __ ] IDIOTS. THERE'S [ __ ]

BUGS THAT COMING. RUN.

OH,

it's that lovely goth girl.

Oh, I met her last week

from a biblical perspective.

[laughter]

>> Dude, I am so [ __ ] up.

>> What in the heck?

>> I don't even believe in them.

>> They drop acid or something. Good ass

week.

>> I don't see a thing.

>> What in the hell is that?

And it's no balls, too.

>> Maybe it's a

[music]

What happened to these people? What's

going on? I got to take a [ __ ]

WHERE'S THE CATERING? [screaming]

I PAID FOR CATERING. I'M STARVING

[screaming] HERE. THE FLIES ARE EATING

BETTER THAN WE ARE. I

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I I

>> TOLD YOU TO GO CHEAP, BUT THIS IS

[ __ ]

>> YEAH, I KNOW. I

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS TO ME.

>> I HAD COOKIES. I HAD CHIPS. YOU

>> KNOW, I PAID FOR ALL [screaming] THIS

CRAP.

>> WHERE?

>> I I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED to it. I'm

sorry. I

>> WELL, YOU BETTER FIND IT OR YOU'RE

MOVING OUT.

>> YOU KNOW, GUYS, does anybody know where

Jesper is? I saw him early this morning.

Where is he? He should be here right

now.

[laughter]

>> Dude, I saw that guy walk over there

with the hippies. Now he's smoking that

ganja.

>> What a snitch. God

>> snitch. What are you talking about? Like

you care about privacy? I saw your last

selfie. Saw your goddamn Burkin hitting.

Godamn.

>> That's harassment. That's absolutely

[ __ ] vile.

>> [ __ ] you.

>> Wait.

>> Okay. Key is Safia.

>> Hold on, guys. Just Just wait. All

right. I'll figure this out. Stay calm,

everybody.

>> He's still there.

>> How do we get out of here?

>> Let's get out of here.

[clears throat]

Okay.

>> Hello, sir.

>> Simon.

>> Okay. And you say this is everything you

saw, right?

>> Everything I can remember.

>> But you did see the creature leave,

right?

>> I He He definitely got out of the room.

I didn't see him hurt or harm any living

being, though. And I honestly, sir, I

I'm pretty sure I don't even know if I

saw anything. I I think I just slept on

a big thing of Bigfoot [ __ ] and bumped

my head. And that that's how it

happened.

>> That's not what you said earlier.

>> No, sir. I'll take you back there. I'll

show you the whole thing. There's a big

skid mark in there of Bigfoot [ __ ] all

over the place.

>> You know what? I don't believe these

two.

>> He smells. Smell him. Smell him. He

stinks.

>> Sir. Sir, look. Smell my foot.

>> Go back there. Smell that. Smell him. I

can't even stand next to

>> I don't want to yet. But you but yet

you're standing next to him. So yeah,

that's

>> we

>> You know what? Honestly, I think both of

your stories stink.

>> You might want to change your story cuz

I got one for you. Did you know that he

was after your promotion?

>> Yeah, he was bitching and complaining

about it all day and he wanted your job

all along.

>> That's fine. You could have it.

>> Let me have you on it.

>> And also, I know what you're up to as

well. So, you're coming with me cuz

you're not getting no one else. Touch

me. You see, he's touching me. SEXUAL

HARASSMENT.

>> SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

>> Shut up.

>> Go do what you need to do. This thing is

going on for way too long.

>> Listen, let's go, Annie. Come on. Come

on. Come on.

>> I had no idea there'd be this much drama

on movie sets. But I mean, it's not

because of me, right?

>> Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, plus

with my awesome [ __ ] FX and makeup

and this suit with the great nipples. I

mean, you're golden.

>> How's it going over here, guys? Oh my

god, you guys are looking all right. We

may need to get some uh some air

freshener for this thing. Um, you doing

okay, though?

>> Yeah, feeling good.

>> Good, good, good. So, so don't worry

about this. Nobody's fired. It's all

going to be okay. I'm going to go gather

everybody. All right, we just uh get the

head on and and and get ready for the

next take.

>> We'll wait here.

>> Excellent.

>> [music]

>> What is this? I thought I'm playing

Bigfoot.

>> That's not my suit.

>> That's a nice suit.

>> My suit came from a bag. Did somebody

order a custom suit?

>> I thought you made the suit.

>> What? No.

My

>> You're not taking my role, buddy.

Those are the most detailed nipples I've

ever seen.

I can't help it.

[screaming]

[groaning]

>> [screaming]

[music]

[music]

>> God, you don't always have to be so

good.

WHAT THE [ __ ]

>> OH MY GOD.

This is unbelievable. This is

unbelievable. It's a goddamn nightmare.

Your goddamn DAD.

>> [ __ ] NIGHTMARE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO

ME? YOU'RE TRYING TO RUIN ME.

>> NO. NO. BUT YOU'RE NOT really going to

kick me out, are you?

>> GOOD LORD, MAN. YOU DON'T EXPECT TO LIVE

UNDER MY HOUSE ANYMORE AFTER ALL THIS

NONSENSE, DO YOU? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

>> NO, BUT WE'RE GOING TO FIX IT, DAD.

Don't trust me. We're going to fix it.

>> I'VE BEEN HEARING THAT FOR DAYS NOW.

>> JUST TAKE YOUR MEDICATION and we're

going to be fine.

>> YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME.

>> JUST TAKE [clears throat] YOUR MEDS.

IT'LL BE FINE. OKAY, I I'll I'll fix

this, Dad. I I I will fix it.

DAD,

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS [ __ ]

>> DAD, CAN'T BELIEVE THIS [ __ ]

>> DAD, WHAT'S WRONG?

>> HELP. HELP ME.

>> [ __ ]

>> DAD, COME ON. DAD, COME ON. HELP.

DAD, NO. [screaming]

HELP. HELP. OH MY GOD. DAD, you got me

in the good costume.

>> [laughter]

>> This movie saved, Dad. Oh my god. I'm

going to dedicate this movie to you.

[panting]

Hey, don't touch my AK camera.

Stop it.

Please. Please just leave it alone.

There's a lot of good footage on there.

Maybe I paid a lot of money for that

[ __ ] Please leave it alone.

>> [music]

>> NO, [screaming]

[music]

I think

No. Why can't I use them?

>> Those are official club member only

binoculars.

>> Okay. Well, then I want to be a member.

[music]

I can share.

>> I told you before it's a closed

membership right now. When it opens up,

we'll see. But right now, those are

official. Give them to me. No, I want to

see the birds.

>> You don't need to see the birds. This is

official bird watching business.

>> You're just here to hike.

>> No, I want to see the birds.

>> You're making me break rules already.

You're going to get me kicked out of the

club. Give me the binoculars.

>> No.

>> Give them to me. I should have left you

at home. I told you not to come.

>> You should have left me at home.

>> I should have. Here, give me those

binoculars. [sighs]

>> No

>> binoculars.

Thank you. Here, hold on to these. Don't

let her have those.

>> Thank you.

>> You're welcome.

>> Blue-eyed boobies are just waiting for

us.

>> Give me that book.

>> Jeff is right. Blue-eyed booby.

>> I don't even know what it

>> You know, we're trying to do official

>> blueeyed booby looks like.

>> You don't need to. You're not a bird

watcher. You're here to enjoy nature.

Enjoying things. Enjoy the peace out

here. You know, maybe give us some the

nice air. Don't you like the air?

>> No, the air. What am I going to do with

the air? like to see what you do without

the air. [laughter]

>> You buddy.

>> Come on, guys. Come on. Let's go. Those

blue-eyed boobies are just waiting for

us.

>> A pair of them.

>> Jeff is correct. Blueeyed boobies

waiting.

>> Let's go up here.

>> You good?

>> Yeah.

>> Can you [ __ ] believe this? What the

[ __ ] was that thing back there?

>> I don't know. A bear.

>> You thought that that was a [ __ ]

bear. [ __ ] bear.

>> I don't know. I mean, where are we? Why

are we so freaking lost?

>> We don't have a [ __ ] PA. That idiot

Jaster wasn't any help anyways.

>> I don't know, man. I'm just I'm just I'm

just so scared. I mean, you know how to

fight, right? Do you think the fight

choreography would work?

>> No, absolutely not. That wasn't even me.

>> How did you even get that part?

>> If we're about to die, I'll tell you

only you.

>> I thought you hated me.

>> What? I mean, you're always so mean to

me on set.

>> Well, I don't hate you. I I just didn't

want to like you.

>> Why?

>> [ __ ] Look at you freaking hot. You have

way more lines than I do.

[clears throat]

>> You know, if this is a movie, kiss right

now, right?

>> God, I always hate that part of the

movie. Let's keep going.

>> We're here for birds. What did you want

to do? I want to see a peacock.

>> I bet she wants to see a peacock one. I

don't know if I want it.

>> I know you want, but that doesn't mean I

can't have the binoculars or the book.

>> No.

>> Oh, wow.

>> Well, at least it sounds like somebody's

having fun out here.

>> They're not married.

>> You know what? I think those signs on

the way in explain everything. Those

kids are shooting a horror movie. It's

probably like a classic slasher. Oh god,

I hate horror movies.

>> I know you do.

>> You know, I do hear that horror movies

sometimes attract boobies. All right,

>> gentlemen and ladies.

>> Well, they certainly have boobies in

them.

>> That's how I get to see them.

>> Go home.

>> You know, Annie, why couldn't we have

just [music] kept Bigfoot in here? If we

would have kept Bigfoot in here, none of

this would have happened. and women have

to go and trapes all around the woods

looking for Bigfoot, having all this

huge conundrum and trying to find his

ass. I I don't feel like doing this. And

the thing is, what are we going to do if

we find it? How are we going to stop it?

The thing was to rip off our [ __ ]

faces. What are we going to do, Annie?

>> Look, you can't put Bigfoot in a cage.

How would you like it if I stuffed you

in there and I started whipping you and

taking your blood and not feeding you

and treated you like some kind of

monster? Well, I don't know about all

the, you know, the the treat me like a

monster, but you, you know, tie me up

and whipping me. I like kinky stuff like

that. So, if that's what you're getting

at, I'm down. Is that what you're

getting at?

>> That you're being disgusting. I am your

boss. I am your superior. And you need

to treat me like that.

>> Here's the thing, though. You don't seem

to understand. If we find the Bigfoot,

you're not answering my question. What

are we going to do? The Bigfoot is going

to rip off our [ __ ] faces and kill

us.

>> Well, I have the stun gun in my bag. All

right. All we need to do is just send

Casey the coordinates and then we are

gonna find him.

>> Like Miss Gadget, you got everything in

there, don't you? Here's the other

thing, though. You're talking all about

the coordinates. How are we going to get

the coordinates? You know, the phones do

not work. It's a It's a brick. It's a

total absolute brick. I have absolutely

no signal out here. So, how are we going

to call her and tell her the

coordinates?

>> I'm a woman. I come prepared. All right.

And my phone. Hold on. I got to text

Casey.

>> You know that that is what I like about

you. that you are persistent and I'm

going to be persistently asking you out

on a date because Annie, I have to tell

you something. Getting through this

encounter with you and what we've been

going through, I have to realize this.

I've fallen in love with you.

>> Well, that's what I love about the

Bigfoot because he really sees me. Like

I could tell that like he feels me.

>> Oh, what do you like about the Bigfoot?

The Big Wait a minute. The Bigfoot fell

in love with you

>> when I was in that room. He came inside

of me.

What?

>> Yeah. I felt him.

>> You're telling me that the that Bigfoot

came inside of you and feeling you up?

>> Yeah. Yeah. I just I feel this like

connection with him. When we were in

that room together and he didn't eat me,

I was just like, "Oh my god,

>> what are we getting on? What are you

talking about, Annie?"

>> He He sees people's souls. Okay.

>> I'm really getting worried about you

with this Bigfoot. You're up to no good.

>> He saw that those other people were not

worth it. Okay. And then he took me and

he sacrificed them. Yes. He took me.

>> Yeah. Yeah. My energy. He felt my energy

with his tentacles.

>> His tentacles?

>> Yes. His chakras. They were our energies

matter.

>> First of all, I don't know if you know I

don't know if you know anything about

the anatomy of a of a person or an

animal. They're called testicles.

They're not tentacles. Testicles.

>> And then the Bigfoot chakras, they just

like came at me. All right. And we need

to save him. It's so important. He's

been inside of me. I can see his soul.

All right? Maybe we were connected in

another life together. And I just want

the opportunity.

>> You are losing your mind, Annie. You're

cracking up.

>> Look, you need to look at me like I'm a

man. All right. You need to look at me

like all the other guys in the office,

not some girl that you might be

attracted to because I'm your boss and I

get paid more than you.

>> I know about that. And I have to tell

you, I am sorry about the whole

promotion thing and I'm sorry I got

crazy, but this whole looking at you

like a man thing, I'm sorry, but that's

not my scene. I'm I'm not, you know,

maybe you're into that. you know, if

you're sleeping with a Bigfoot, maybe

you like pegging or something, but

that's not my scene. And I'm sorry. I

I'm not behind that.

>> I just I'm saying that I can see his

energy and he's really a good person and

we need to go save him before somebody

else harms him. Okay.

>> You really have got a thing for this

Bigfoot. You just want to [ __ ] the

Bigfoot. That's all it is. It's [ __ ]

the Bigfoot business.

>> Look, I don't like hairy guys. Okay.

What's Peggy?

Ah, the beauty of nature. So great to be

back at the great outdoors. Am I right,

ladies and gentlemen?

>> Don't assume my gender.

>> H, he was talking about me. And you are

quite the punk NATURE ANIMAL BOY.

>> GUYS, she messaged me again. I don't

know how much time we have, but we have

to come up with the strategy of how to

find him.

Does uh anybody here you you

know what they do in these types of

scenarios? Huh?

>> She said she's never had one of the

animals react like this and definitely

never had one this close to being

liberated.

>> Well, we have tranquilizers ready.

>> Uh what method do you think we should

start with first?

All right. Don't don't undo this one cuz

I'm trying to keep it the same.

>> I think we need to set a few savory

traps.

But to do that, we need to know how far

we need to go. We need to understand how

much supplies we have. And we need to

ration our supplies. Eh,

>> ration.

>> Ration.

>> Ration.

>> Do you know if it was injured?

>> She said it got away with no physical

trauma.

>> But he was in multiple altercations and

the other folks weren't as lucky.

>> Ah, come on. Those guys got what they

deserved.

>> Don't say that. They should have just

made more humane choices about their

occupation.

Really, dude? Not cool.

>> Yeah, we'll keep checking. We'll keep

checking with her to see what they're up

to. Welcome to this monkey house,

>> you know. Um, we need to stay a step

ahead cuz anything is possible. Keep on

stepping. We need to keep a step ahead

cuz anything is possible. And we need to

stay ahead cuz we know we know every

time they react to these situations with

a violence, b super violence, AND C

ULTRA VIOLENCE.

>> NOT ULTRA VIOLENCE.

>> Violence is never the answer.

>> Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I see it. I see one.

I see one. What?

>> You guys see it?

>> I see it. Yep.

>> Oh, I got it.

>> I am not seeing it.

>> Uh, is it dead? It It's not moving.

>> It's not that great. Really

>> dead.

>> It's not worth looking at. Don't worry.

>> Give me those binoculars.

>> No. No. No.

>> Give me those binoculars.

>> Take them OFF YOUR HEAD.

>> STOP.

>> RIGHT NOW. Take them OFF OF YOUR HEAD.

>> GIVE me those binoculars. Give it to me.

>> No.

>> Give me them. Damn it. For [ __ ] sake,

this is no way to attract a blue-eyed

booby. Okay, it's a perfect way to repel

one. So,

>> I am NOT DOING A BLUE-EYED BOOBY. OKAY,

I can't even see one.

>> Trying to see it here.

>> Get bring them. GET THEM OFF YOUR HEAD.

OFF YOUR HEAD.

>> Come on. Quit the bitching.

>> That's not what we're here for.

>> Yeah.

>> Go.

>> Go. Go. Go. I'll go with you.

>> Damn it, Gregory. Untie me. We can talk

about this.

The talk time's over, Simon. Man, look,

I'm sorry, but the girl was right. I

mean, what we've been doing is [ __ ]

up. Can't you see that? I mean, and for

what? for some man to get rich and play

God and we just sit by and help him make

all this money, make all these [ __ ] up

decisions over and over again. Nah, the

girl girl was right. See, she stepped up

and I applaud her. I only wish I was

able to do the same sooner. What? Man,

you you mean to tell me you actually

sing for her, man? Look, untie me right

now. And look, the the big boss will be

here soon, okay? And you know what? To

be honest, we're all [ __ ] here. Okay,

you, me, Ian, Annie, they're all [ __ ]

They're not going to get really far.

>> It is what it is at this point, Simon.

>> Here's what is my ass. Get me the [ __ ]

out of this damn [snorts]

You know, Gregory, let me ask you

something. What are you going to do when

the high-ups get here? You going to give

them that little come to Jesus speech

you gave me? You going to tie them up,

too?

>> Oh, no. I'll be long gone. But, uh, I'm

going to leave you here to do the

talking. As a matter of fact, let me

tape that mouth up so you can save your

breath for him.

>> Go to sleep, [ __ ] Go to sleep.

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Take your ass

to sleep. No, don't try to fight it.

[snorts]

See if you just go to sleep. That's

right. Go to sleep.

[snorts]

[ __ ] ass.

hit me over the head and then betrayed

me for them two [ __ ] After all

I did for you.

Yeah, it's Monroe here. We got a

situation.

The two scientists, they're out.

No, we don't know who else knows.

But I got one here. He's not going

anywhere. I'll see to that. But we're

going to red alert this thing

immediately.

Yeah. Put your ass in a Bigfoot cage

where you belong, [ __ ]

>> Man, all that screaming from that movie

is distracting. H. Well, there's nothing

you can do about it.

>> Man, I can't believe we haven't found a

nest yet. I mean, there is a nest,

right?

>> Yes. Okay. I researched it thoroughly,

and there is definitely a nudest nest, a

nest around here somewhere. I read about

it in the uh bird watchers uh

>> gazette.

>> What? What did you say?

>> [sighs]

>> Is it getting hot out here?

>> I don't know. But there is a nest. I saw

something about it in the book.

>> You did?

>> Yeah.

>> Really?

>> Yeah.

>> Oh, good for you.

>> Good for you. You go ahead and find your

little nesty poo. All you. Okay. I'm

going to go see what that movie is

about.

>> What? Yeah. So, I'm going to go see.

>> Oh, no. No. Please don't go. Please

don't go.

dude. Dude, the [ __ ] is gone.

>> Oh my god. Yeah, man.

>> I heard that.

>> Blue eye boogie.

>> Hey, Poopsie. It's a great day today. Do

you feel the wind? I'm naked. You naked.

We are naked. I can feel it on my pubes.

You know what? When I'm clothed,

>> I don't feel it. It's not the same. It

feels so good.

Poopsy, can you hear me, Poopsie?

Okay. Okay. That's my boy. That's my

boy. That's my boy. That's my boy. We're

almost there. Okay. Just hang tight.

We're almost there.

Hey, Bigfoot. You [ __ ] Please. No. No.

That's my baby. NO. NO. NO. POOPSY. NO.

NO. BIGFOOT. PLEASE. Don't let him fall.

Please.

Bad dog. Stop falling. Boopsy. You bad

dog. Stop. Don't fall.

Nothing.

Hey, listen. Listen, hold up, guy. You

know what? Listen, Oliver, I'm having

second thoughts about leaving Audrey

back there like that.

>> Why not? She's just wandering off to go

see some film crew. Besides, we're here

on a mission, dude.

>> Yeah, I know. I know. But look at the

size of these woods. She could really

get lost.

>> That would be great. We don't have to

listen to her on the way home.

>> Look, I know it's all fun and games, but

I mean, look, she could like literally

die.

>> What do you care about that for anyway?

It's his wife.

>> Yeah. Have you ever been married? You

sort of want to kill him yourself. This

way I inherit everything. Don't have to

go to court.

>> I'm serious. All right. She's a

wonderful woman who can get on your

nerves sometimes, but she has some juicy

boobies and a moist vagina, which I have

never seen either of them or been inside

of them or anything like that.

>> Huh?

>> What?

>> Look, you know what? I'm I'm going to go

I'm going to go find her and then I'll

catch up with you guys. All right? cuz

I'm a concerned citizen and I care about

people. Okay? So, just [ __ ] you.

>> Goodbye. Booies are this way. He hasn't

seen him. I haven't seen him.

>> Boobies are this way. Come on.

>> I think we've been here before. This

looks familiar.

>> What? The tree? That tree right there?

>> Jesus.

>> No, really. I'm pretty sure this is

where we came in.

>> I don't really give a [ __ ] until I see

my

Easy,

Bigfoot.

>> I got you, Bigfoot. I'm going to blow

you away on my first try. Right in the

crosshair,

right? It's what you call a gut wound.

Success.

Yeah.

[music]

Stop. Stop. You can't go this way.

There's a bushfoot.

>> There's a freaking Bigfoot over there.

That thing just killed like our entire

crew. Like I think it killed people, but

>> Oh my god. You guys are doing this

movie. That's what the screening is.

>> No, no, no, no. We were filming a movie,

but then Bigfoot actually came. We're

not kidding. He's here. He just We just

saw him. I swear to God. Oh my god, you

guys are so good. Oh my god,

>> lady. Like, we're not we're not joking.

This is this is real life, lady. We're

not joking. Okay, which way did you come

from?

>> Are you filming me now?

>> No, no, no, no. Okay, this is real life,

lady. Pay attention. Where do we go to

get the [ __ ] out of here? We'll pay you.

She will pay you. She makes more money

than me.

>> We just need a guide.

>> I don't know where to go. I don't know

where to go.

>> I'll guide you folks out for $5. And if

that's too much, I'll do it for four.

I came from down that way

>> right from the set. You're another

actor.

>> We've never seen this guy.

>> I totally appreciate it. I I I totally

with us.

>> I I have no idea who these two [ __ ]

are. Lady,

>> you don't know him.

>> This Okay, you know, uh I'm just going

to go and find my husband. And what what

what is this?

>> Ma'am, this is my artillery weapon. No,

this is a little tiny toy for kids.

That's what that is.

>> He's got Are you with him?

>> Talk smack about my weapon one more

time.

>> Smack.

>> I will be putting in your script. That's

all I can tell you. You know what I

script?

>> Yeah, your script. You're good. All of

you are really well. I love you all, but

I'm going to go find my husband because

this little charade here is is getting

really um sick.

>> Don't go that way. There's Bigfoot.

>> Oh, Bigfoot my ass. Whatever. Let's just

let's just try to find our way out. Do

you know where to go?

>> I know exactly where to go. I know these

woods like the back of a grizzly's ass.

Follow me.

>> We were so screwed.

>> Let's just get out of here.

>> A fresh air in wilderness. Isn't this

great? Just fishing.

>> I want to go [ __ ] fishing.

>> That's what we're doing.

>> Where's the water?

Got you covered.

>> That's our last bottle of water. I'm so

thirsty.

>> Look, I was a Cub Scout, okay? So, I

learned how to get water from like, you

know, the the the wind hitting like

leaves and putting a cup under it. So,

>> this is [ __ ]

>> Where did you learn how to talk like

that?

>> I learned it from you, Dad. Learned it

from you.

It's

>> [ __ ] [ __ ] God damn it.

[ __ ] I mean, I mean, shoot. WAIT, I

THINK YOU CAUGHT SOMETHING. BRING HER

UP. BRING HER UP.

>> It's a zip tie.

>> Yeah. I mean, that could be useful. You

know, we're in the wilderness. You never

know what might happen. It could save us

one day.

>> I thought we were trying to get food

like fish.

>> Well, yeah. You know, you know, we got

to start small. We just have more water.

We might

>> I'm so thirsty. What are you doing?

>> Well, you got to start small. Guppies

and stuff like that. Life will start,

you know.

Been out here for hours. Found nothing.

No notice, no nothing. We are going to

find something. I am determined.

>> Absolutely.

>> Oh, there's something.

>> You found something?

>> Yeah.

>> I think it's a person.

>> Let me see. Let me see.

>> Wow. That's awesome. You found

something?

>> Yep. Yep.

>> Oh, they're getting closer.

>> How close? Let me see. Let me see. Let

me see. Awesome.

Awesome. It's closer now. Take a look.

>> Oh,

she's getting closer.

>> Wow. This is great.

>> This is it.

>> Awesome.

>> We finally did it.

>> This is it. We found it.

>> KNOCKS HER IN OUR FUTURE.

>> YEAH.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> NOW, AWESOME, KATE.

>> YEAH.

>> Let me see.

>> Closer.

>> Can I see?

>> Yeah, you're right. That is close.

Let me see. Let me see.

>> Oh, yeah.

It's like it's right there.

>> Let's do it.

>> Let's do it. All right.

>> Who are you?

>> Are you one of those nudists?

>> Yeah, you got too many clothes on.

>> This is no time for games. There's a

dangerous beast on the loose. Did you

guys know you were in danger?

>> What is she talking about?

>> I have no idea. Can we follow you?

>> Oh, okay.

She's probably one of those actresses.

>> Oh, yeah. I think you're right.

>> Yeah, let's go. Absolutely. This is it.

The boobies. All right, we're going to

get some boobies.

>> So many bugs in here.

>> And it also stinks.

>> Gosh, you guys complain about

everything. You know, your mother was

never like this.

>> Yeah, no wonder she left you. You're not

very wellendowed.

>> Yeah, mom told me you have a little

cocktail. Frank,

>> she told you that?

>> Yeah, she did. And I don't blame her for

leaving you.

>> I just You just [laughter]

You think you know somebody?

>> Well, I'm hungry and thirsty. What are

we going to do about that?

>> Yeah, we're we're so dehydrated. And

also, we're probably going to faint.

>> Well, I caught the zip tie.

>> How are we going to eat that?

>> Yeah.

>> Well, we could go rumaging for some dead

animals, some squirrels, maybe some

raccoons. Some good eating. I'll eat

that. It's okay.

>> Well, I'm thirsty. So,

>> you hear that?

>> Thank the Lord.

>> Oh my god, it's raining.

>> Oh my gosh. Yes, we're safe.

>> The Lord,

>> it's raining.

>> Why is this salty?

>> It's te

>> I've had this taste in my mouth before.

>> Yeah, this this

It's It's glorious life though.

Glorious rain.

[music]

OH, THANK GOD. MOTHER NATURE, I LOVE

YOU. I love you.

>> We can go fishing now.

Tastes great. Less filly.

[music]

[sighs]

>> This stuff's raining so fast.

>> I know. It sucks.

>> Oh,

daddy. It's a bear.

>> Oh,

>> why is it getting so close?

It's It's a big

>> That's not a bear. [screaming]

[laughter]

>> It's in my eye.

>> Wow.

>> What is that smell? I don't know. It

smells kind of like a dead platypus.

I've seen one of them before.

>> Whoa. What in the [ __ ] is that?

>> Hi.

>> Oh, who who goes there? I got to take a

dump really bad.

>> Yeah, well, you might explode full of

[ __ ] real soon. Stay.

>> Okay.

>> You really hurt bad.

>> I feel no pain. But if I don't [ __ ] now,

my pants will turn brown.

>> I got to go. Let's just keep going.

>> Nah, you don't want me to do what needs

to be done to this guy.

>> Do you know where we're going?

>> I'm one with the trees.

>> Yeah,

>> there's a lot of blood.

>> Yeah, no [ __ ]

>> The [ __ ]

>> Which way did he come from?

>> I think somewhere down that way. But do

you know where we're going?

>> Keep on moving this way.

>> My pants are going to turn brown.

>> Okay.

Oh my god. Is that blood?

>> Yeah, I'm afraid so.

>> Do you think we should be going this

way?

>> It's the only way. I

>> have no idea.

>> Oh, holy [ __ ]

>> Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

>> How is that [ __ ] still alive?

>> Oh my god.

>> Sorry.

Why the [ __ ] is he smiling? Are any of

them alive?

>> No.

>> Hell, you never seen a dead person

before. You can't tell. Don't

do that.

>> These folks are beyond saving. Let's

move on.

Come on.

The creature's got to be eating. If none

of these traps have been triggered,

except for this one. It looks like he

chewed through it.

I don't know.

It looks like we might be encountering

something soon.

And where's Brad?

>> And I haven't heard from Andy in hours.

>> It's going to be dark soon.

My risk tolerance is low.

Safety first.

If we don't find him, we're going to

have to come back tomorrow.

Huh?

These actors are amazing. Oh, yeah. This

vacation's great. Great.

God,

where is my husband?

Where are they, Oliver? [screaming]

God.

[gasps]

Nothing. God.

I'm just going to have to wait here.

It's getting dark.

What?

You're But you're Bigfoot, right? You're

one of the actors. Oh, this. You're

really good. I mean, why why you didn't

Why are you Why are you being fresh?

Stop being fresh with me. Get away from

me.

[panting and sighs]

I we have to go and and find the team.

Okay. Oh my god.

>> What What do you think happened to her?

>> Help me.

>> What happened?

Help

me. Well,

>> why don't we help her out? You're all

about human life. You say you want to

help human life. Well, help her out.

>> We don't have time. We have to go find

the Bigfoot.

>> Yeah, but do you think the Bigfoot did

that?

>> No, I don't think the the Bigfoot would

do that to her.

>> Why? Why would not the Bigfoot? Who else

would have [ __ ] killed someone like

that?

>> I mean, maybe she tripped and fell.

>> Look, let's help her out. You said you

like human life. Why don't you want to

help a human?

>> Because we don't have time.

>> We've got to help her. Help her out.

>> Come on.

Why was our film set?

This giant beast tore us apart.

>> Why is she whispering?

>> I can't understand her.

>> Why are we whispering? Excuse me, ma'am.

Why are you talking so quiet? Did the

Bigfoot do this to you?

>> It looks like a monster in our movie.

It was real.

I cannot hear a thing you were saying.

Ma'am, you're talking too quiet. You're

using what they call an inside voice.

You need TO USE AN OUTSIDE VOICE.

OUTSIDE like this. No. Quiet like a

mouse.

He went after our costume monster

and kept

kept

holy

and crawling. He went

>> I can't hear her. Let's go. Forget it.

Let's go. Come on. Forget it.

>> We're getting you some help. I'm going

to make a call right now. I promise.

>> Help me.

Help me.

Audrey. Hey, babe. Listen. I'm real

sorry about what happened earlier, but

we got to keep this on the DL so that

Oliver doesn't find out, right?

Hey. Hey. Come on. Don't give me the

cold shoulder like that. Come here. What

the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ]

[crying and laughter]

[screaming]

[ __ ]

[screaming]

>> [music]

>> Pleasure to meet you, sir. How was your

ride here?

>> Skip the introduction. Get to the point.

Show me where my asset went and why.

>> Of course, sir. He's right back there.

Um, I didn't speak to you yet.

>> Do you mind addressing me as well?

>> Oh, of course. Sure. Um, I'm Simon

Monroe, head of operations here.

>> The one with the ass at the baseball

game.

I used to like baseball. Not anymore.

Thank you very much. And just because

I'm an assistant, it doesn't mean that I

make the coffee around here. And with

the whole mess that you were allowed to

make, you will be lucky if you're even

allowed to take out the garbage in the

lobby back at the corporate

headquarters.

You stand right here and you do not

move. Do you understand?

>> I understand.

>> Good.

You need to explain to me what went on.

I should have to read all this [ __ ]

myself.

>> Oh, um, sorry, sir. This is what the

girl scientist wrote. This is all her

doing.

>> The what scientist? It sounds like you

have more issues than we expected.

>> The lab was holding the key not only to

my immense success, but something very

personal. Money and money is something

everybody can relate to. You understand?

You understand money. You understand

your job, right?

Your job equals money. But for me, your

job also equal companionship. That

creature was being built as a partner

for me to alleviate just how busy I AM.

AND YOU LOST IT.

You finally had a right. All those

chemicals, all that waste, AND FOR WHAT?

TO [ __ ] LOSE IT.

>> I'm so angry.

>> Okay, show me this Gregory.

>> That's Gregory.

>> Um, Gregory, sir.

You let them go.

Why?

Well, I I thought they were admirable.

>> I see. Okay.

I hope you still feel it was worth it

when you hear what they died for their

cause.

You might want to rethink your actions

when you see where you're going,

but we'll get to that soon enough.

Wait, what are you going to do with me?

>> What am I going to do with you?

We haven't tried testing human beings

yet.

All right, Tasha, let's get out of here.

I've had enough

gun security.

>> [music]

>> He has no pants on. I think he's wearing

a diaper.

>> All right. He's not a threat. Let's go.

Let's go. I'll go first.

>> Excuse me, sir. Um, why are you wearing

a diaper?

>> I've got bladder problems.

>> Um, me and my friend uh Annie, we need

to uh pass [music] through this way. So,

we're just going to go right uh No, this

is a secured area.

>> Oh. Uh oh. Just a second. We'll be back

in one moment.

So, he's going to have to hit on him.

You don't show him your feminine charm.

You don't show him.

>> That's a little sexist, don't you think?

>> Take one for the team.

>> Okay. Women unleash the

>> women everywhere are going to hate me

for this.

>> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Hi.

Do you want to see something? Look,

>> that's pretty cool.

>> Doesn't it make you want to let us just

go by?

>> No. But I'm asking nicely, [music]

[crying] please.

>> And I'm saying no nicely.

>> It's not working. I tried everything.

Tried crying. I showed my boobs. Like, I

think I have to take

>> masculine masculine sexuality stuff. Go.

>> Butch.

>> Excuse me, sir. May we please go

through?

>> Is that okay? Um,

get uh check out these breasts.

Grab a hold. Oh,

come on, Annie. Come on. Put your back.

Put your back.

>> How did you get that?

>> My nice, luscious breasts.

>> Wow, your luscious breasts are nice.

JUMPING JIBUS ON A POGO STICK.

>> That's great. Smell him. He's close.

>> What do we do?

I can't believe he's dead.

>> I can smell him. He's close.

>> This is amazing. I've never seen a group

like this before.

>> I don't know if this is fake.

>> [screaming]

>> I think the screams came from this way.

Thank goodness I found you guys. Annie.

Oh, so you like the company of women.

That's why you're not giving me the any

attention.

>> Yes, we found the Bigfoot. Brad's dead.

>> Who the hell is Brad? [panting]

>> Did the Bigfoot do it?

>> Yes. He attacked the group. I don't know

how many of them are still alive. Let's

go. Hurry.

>> Let's go to get We should go in.

>> No. Come on.

>> No. Come on.

>> You don't know what I'll do to you.

>> Okay. All right. Um,

>> come on. Where is he? This way. Okay.

>> Slow down.

Somebody's coming. Who are you guys? Who

are you? We're actors. We were in a

movie, but we were filming and Bigfoot

came and he attacked us. Where is he?

Show us. HE'S THAT WAY. WAIT, WAIT,

WAIT. I have a tranquilizer gun. I can

help you get out of here. Bigfoot, we

know each other. Bigfoot, remember me?

Remember me? I I gave you the enema and

you really enjoyed it. It cleaned

everything out. No, no, no. I put I gave

you Reiki. I I cleaned out your chakras.

Bigfoot. Bigfoot. We had all those times

you penetrated me.

I extracted your special juices, baby.

No. No. Baby, you remember me, right?

You remember it. No. You

>> keep doing it, Annie. Come on. Come on.

COME ON. YOUR FAVORITE SPOT IS [ __ ]

NUTS. GET DOWN, BIGFOOT.

>> NO. NOT TOO MUCH.

>> DIE, [ __ ]

>> NO.

>> NO.

>> GET DOWN. Get down. YOUR FAVORITE PART

IS BYEBYE. BYEBYE, BIGFOOT. YOU STUPID

[ __ ] [ __ ] I'LL SHOOT YOU IF YOU

MOVE AGAIN, BIGFOOT. I'LL SHOOT YOU IN

YOUR [ __ ] FACE AND BLOW YOUR BRAINS

OUT, YOU [ __ ]

>> Don't you try me, Bigfoot. You know

what, Annie? Your favorite [ __ ] spot

IS [ __ ] NUTS. BANG.

>> NO.

>> BANG, BIGFOOT. BANG. YOU FEEL THAT,

BIGFOOT? THERE GOES YOUR [ __ ] BALLS.

>> I THINK YOU JUST KILLED HIM.

>> YEAH, [ __ ] [screaming] Annie. This

[ __ ] thing's been killing everybody

all day.

>> No, I don't hear a heartbeat.

>> There's no balls. There's

>> a [ __ ] beast. It's dead.

>> Annie,

>> guys, what are you talking about?

>> Can we please? Can we please get the

[ __ ] out of here? Can we please get the

[ __ ] out of here?

>> Annie, you're going to have kids with

me, a human being. You're not going to

have kids with a Neanderthal. That is

not a human being. That's a primate.

Annie, let's go. Annie, come on.

>> Guys, can you please get us out OF HERE?

>> HIS BALLS. His poor balls.

>> I'm sorry, Annie. The balls are gone.

[screaming] The balls. They're gone.

>> IT WAS THE BIGGEST I EVER HAD.

>> Come on, Annie.

>> HE PENETRATED ME. STOP IT.

>> COME ON.

>> STOP IT. HE WAS GINORMOUS.

>> ANNIE, I'm pretty big, too. You have not

seen what I have in my jean shorts.

Let's go. He had the special juices.

>> Let's go after. Come on. I'll get you

guys out. Come on.

>> I thought I was going to live forever.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah, that's right.

This is my handiwork. See, when I shot

him, he was over there. And now he's

over [music] here. That's called

firepower, baby. Woo.

Whan. Casey.

>> Holy [ __ ] I'm hearing somebody else

walking around out here.

>> Is it possibly another one of these

[ __ ]

>> Casey.

>> When did you get out of the looney bin?

>> When did you start dressing like one of

them tree hugging wackadoodles I've been

seeing wandering around back here in

these woods?

>> You You want to get dinner and [music]

catch up? It's been a while. Sure.

>> Oh, you know, I could offer you a dead

[music] Bigfoot. In fact, Oh, [ __ ] You

know, you probably went vegan, didn't

you?

>> I've always been vegan.

>> Since when? I don't remember that.

>> You don't remember a lot of things. Come

on, get me out of here.

Go.

[music]

>> Thank you so much for the direction. I

never thought we'd make it out of there

alive.

>> Yeah. I mean, we owe you guys a lot of

gratitude. I mean, I know it was a hard

decision for you to make back there.

>> Yeah. But at least he's free now, right?

and and freedom is is relative because

before this he was being tortured by

human beings and now his soul is finally

at peace.

>> Annie, that was beautiful. I I love

that, Annie. And you know, [music] you

saying that just more in my mind that I

really want us to go on that date that

we were talking about. You brought it

up. We want to go on the date, right?

>> Yeah. No, [music] I'm sorry.

>> But you were saying the whole day you

were going to go on a date with him.

Were you leading me on? Were you f you

[ __ ] with me?

>> [music]

>> I mean, now we have to stay low because

Amityville Chemical is going to be

tracking us. So, we have to get off the

grid totally. And I'm sorry, Ian, but we

could never ever be together.

>> You never intended to be with me. This

whole thing was a charade, wasn't it? It

was all a thing to get me to do what you

wanted, wasn't it? Oh, Amityville

chemical. Oh, company chemical chemical

company's going to kill me. Uh-huh. You

just don't want to see me. You don't

want anything to [ __ ] do with me.

It's cuz you're still in love with Big

the [ __ ] foot.

>> Well, you know what? You're not hairy

like he is. I I I have a hairy chest. I

have hair right here. I have hair down

there. I have hair. I don't have any

[ __ ] hair up here. But I have [ __ ]

hair, Annie.

>> Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. All

right. I just I needed you to help me.

And you weren't going to help me before.

So, I told you look at me like I have a

penis, and you couldn't do that.

>> No, I I didn't want to look like you had

a [ __ ] penis. I told you that was not

my scene.

>> All right. And I'm not going to peg you.

It's just not going to happen.

>> I did not want to be pegged. I said I

did not want that.

>> You told me something about that. I'm

I'm sorry if it's TMI guys, but he he

said

>> we're going to take off.

>> Wait, wait. No, no. What are we going to

see on the big screen?

>> I mean, I doubt anytime soon. I mean,

you see the productions that they put me

on. But Francesca, though, I mean, she

has a pretty hot social media. You

definitely want to check her out.

>> Well, I'll check. You're not going to

mind if Well, you're not going to do

anything with me, so who who [ __ ]

cares? [ __ ] you. I don't care what you

say.

>> I'll do it anyway. I You know what? I'll

be looking at that page all day and all

night.

>> Wait a minute. You were supposed to tell

me who got in the production in the

first place.

>> Uh, you know, maybe next time we're

about to die, I'll let you know. But

that last one did not count.

>> Whatever.

>> Let's get out of here.

>> Bye, guys.

>> All right, guys. Thank you.

>> Be careful because they will track you.

>> All day and all night.

>> Don't post naked photos.

>> And who are all these people that are

coming after us? Who do you work for?

Who are these dangerous people?

>> It's Amityville Chemical. The people

that you have been working for longer

than I have. Okay. Okay. Yeah, but you

have all these other people that are out

there that you're talking about. I don't

understand what's even going on. You're

just saying all this crazy stuff cuz

[music] you want nothing to do with me.

That's all it is.

>> Look, I'm giving you a ride. You don't

have to know all of my personal history.

All right.

>> But do you really think these Enderville

chemical company's going to really try

and kill us? Like assassinate us?

Seriously?

>> Look, they have been tracking us for

years. They're tracking us now. They're

tracking your phones. They know where

you live. All right? And they're they're

not going to stop. They're never going

to stop. So, if you want to be free, you

better get out of here and you better

keep your mouth shut.

>> Keep my mouth shut. But the whole thing

is you're all just saying this cuz you

don't want anything to do with me. You

were sering me along all [ __ ] day and

I'm very angry. I really thought I had a

[ __ ] chance. I thought I had a

[ __ ] chance because you were acting

like I was going to have a chance and I

got none. I got nothing. I got zilch.

>> Well, look, if this is how you treat

women and if this is how you talk to

people, that's why you don't have a

chance.

>> You normally can't talk to people like

this because you're being a [ __ ] see

NEXT TUESDAY. THAT'S WHY I'M ACTING THAT

WAY. NO, THIS IS WHY YOU'RE SINGLE.

>> That's not why I'm single.

>> Yes.

>> Yeah. Do you have a man? Do you have

anybody?

>> I don't need a man.

>> Your man's dead. Bigfoot's [ __ ] dead.

He's [ __ ] dead.

>> All right, let's go give him a proper

burial. Okay.

>> She wanted us to give up a proper

burial.

>> You're going to bury that [ __ ] stinky

ass [ __ ] Now go bury that [ __ ]

thing.

>> No, you have to go bury him.

>> I'm not going to bury anything. Okay,

Annie, I don't [ __ ] care. I'm going

to go the

>> You don't care. You told me you cared

about human life.

>> I don't care anymore. I care cuz I

thought I was going to get in your jean

SHORTS AND NOW I'M NOT GOING TO. SO,

[ __ ] YOU. LET'S GO. DON'T WEAR JEAN

SHORTS.

>> WELL, whatever the [ __ ] you're wearing,

whatever this stupid [ __ ] biodome

[ __ ] you're wearing, LET'S [ __ ] GO.

>> NO. If you want to ever have a chance

with me on another dimension, okay, you

better come with me right now. Right

[snorts] now.

>> Okay, let's go.

>> Back to bury the Bigfoot.

>> Thank you. [music]

>> See, he wasn't dead.

We really better get the [ __ ] out of

here.

>> Bigfoot.

>> No, Annie, we got to get the [ __ ] out of

here. Okay,

>> Bigfoot, I'm here.

>> Hey, Annie, we got to go.

>> No, I'm waiting for you, Bigfoot.

>> No, no, no. You can't do this.

>> I'm sorry, Annie. You got to go.

>> No, we have to go, Annie. We have to go.

>> Get dizzy. Pass it back out. We're all

going to get too dizzy doing this [ __ ]

[music]

Bridge drivers here. Thank you you my

YouTube followers, subscribers, my

raptor fans.

Mom, Mr. Weekly,

we're I'm here trying to separate the

Bigfoot.

Mr. Weekly, thank you for uh challenging

me for this [music] challenge. My fans,

my mom, my phone fan,

Mr. Weekly, hold on, guys. Hold on.

We're searching [music] out here. We're

not going to give up. We're going to

find it. I can smell it. Mom. Mom. Mom.

Mom made it. Mr. Weekly. Thank you for

challenge me. My raptor fans.

Just stay tuned watching. Please like,

subscribe,

and I'll see you tomorrow.

[ __ ] [ __ ] My phone's not even

recording. [ __ ]

I'm a total of failure. You had six

attempts.

Sorry, Mom.

I'm going to find Bigfoot.

I'm a failure.

[ __ ]

I'm going to sleep right here until I

bang him.

Big [music] foot.

Big foot. I found him. I I finally found

him.

Bigfoot. Can we get Can you get a belly

with me? Big foot. I can we get an

autograph? Can I get your autograph? Can

I get you big foot? Can I please get up?

I found Bigfoot. I found

A

body. [groaning]

[laughter]

[laughter and crying]

[laughter]

>> [laughter]

>> I fooled them all. They didn't know I

was the Bigfoot.

I love this. Ah, the experiments are all

a great success.

Yes.

Feal dissolving [music] sauce.

[music]

acid breast juice.

[laughter]

I even got to penetrate a man's

sphincter hole.

What fun.

>> [laughter]

>> I even got that fool from the mental

asylum to hunt me down. What a sucker.

[music]

[laughter]

[crying]

[crying]

I love my life.

I'm not reading this. Bigfoot attacks.

You guys got me once, but you're not

going to prank the newscaster again.

[ __ ] [ __ ]

So, I've been tracking Bigfoot around

these here parts for going on six years

now. I'm Bigfoot's biggest fan in the

world. Now, I know there's more than one

Bigfoot out there, but they're solitary

creatures. It's got to make them kind of

lonely. I wonder what they do when they

get horny.

I've always dreamed of meeting Bigfoot.

I had this dream of shaving him and

seeing if he looks like a regular man

under that hair.

I love Bigfoot movies.

And I think this story will make a great

film.

Director like Sean C. Phillips would

make that movie.

That guy would do anything.

He has zero shame.

[music]

Yeah, I saw Bigfoot once. I was down in

the woods with my buddies Dawn and Murf

when we saw this big hairy creature

crapping in the woods. Man, it was

crazy, dude.

What's funny is they call him Bigfoot

cuz only one of his feet is big. No one

knows that. The other foot,

it's rather small like the privates.

Bigfoot is amazing. I mean, he's cool as

hell and everyone is always trying to

track him down. He's a real ladies man.

I wish I was like Bigfoot.

What is up? It's your man Freak Show

here with another [music] quick Bigfoot

fact. Now, do you know that Bigfoot like

the woods for a reason? It's because

trees make them invisible.

That's the only way to account for it.

That's why they love him. And plus,

nothing ever good happens in the woods

anyways. I mean, we know nothing good

happens in the woods. I actually met

these two vloggers, this nice little

couple, and they wouldn't miss it. I bet

Bigfoot got him. I bet Bigfoot got him.

Damn.

Oh my god, guys. I so want to be

Bigfoot. I mean,

listen, there's a lot of drama going in

my life. Crap I don't want to deal with,

but I just know that if I [music] were

be able to meet Bigfoot, we would be

like best friends forever.

This is John Jeffrey Jameson reporting

and I have something to say to you

Bigfoot. In all my years as a reporter,

I have never been so let down. First the

Loch Ness monster, then those mermaids

and unicorns, and now you. You suck,

Bigfoot. You ruined everything.

I was so looking forward to seeing this

indie film. I love lowbudget films. This

is Triple J reporting.

I'm Professor Kolingoitz sharing my

personal encounter with a descendant of

the giganticus

Bigfoot aka Sasquatch.

Prior cinematic features of John

Travolta's voice and movies such as

Saturday Night Fever are known to

tranquilize primal beasts. As one

aggressively approached me, I said,

"Whoa,

so like this is like totally weird.

You're like a hairy monster assault the

[ __ ]

People like don't even like think you

exist and stuff here.

It's so weird. It's like extra super

totally weird and preposterous up here."

He was emotionless and by golly he

scurryed off back in the woods.