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All language subtitles for Tales from the Crypt - 05x01 - Death of Some Salesmen.DVD-Rip .English.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,880 HOME CHOPPING NETWORK 2 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:26,767 WELL, KIDDIES, 3 00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:30,567 I'M AFRAID OUR DESIGNER HANGER OFFER HAS EXPIRED. 4 00:01:30,567 --> 00:01:32,734 WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE GET MR. DE LA RENTA 5 00:01:32,734 --> 00:01:33,734 OUT OF HERE? 6 00:01:34,734 --> 00:01:36,901 NEXT UP ON THE HOME CHOPPING NETWORK. 7 00:01:36,901 --> 00:01:40,300 IT'S TIME FOR THE CRYPT KEEPER'S FASHION BOO-TIQUE. 8 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,067 TODAY, WE FEATURING MY FULL LINE 9 00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:45,167 OF APRÉS VIE DEATH CARE PRODUCTS. 10 00:01:45,167 --> 00:01:47,834 WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING FROM FACE-SCREAM 11 00:01:47,834 --> 00:01:49,801 TO MAS-SCARE-A. 12 00:01:49,801 --> 00:01:51,400 TRY SOME. 13 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,267 IT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR... 14 00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:57,634 DEM-ISE. HEE HEE HEE HEE! 15 00:01:57,634 --> 00:01:59,968 OR MAYBE I COULD INTEREST YOU 16 00:01:59,968 --> 00:02:01,901 IN TONIGHT'S SPECIAL. 17 00:02:01,901 --> 00:02:03,300 IT'S A TASTELESS TIDBIT 18 00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:06,267 ABOUT A TRAVELING CEMETERY PLOT SALESMAN 19 00:02:06,267 --> 00:02:09,934 WHO'S ABOUT TO MAKE A GRAVE MISTAKE. 20 00:02:09,934 --> 00:02:14,133 I CALL IT DEATH OF SOME SALESMEN. 21 00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:22,572 DEATH OF SOME SALESMEN 22 00:03:11,701 --> 00:03:16,467 HA. EB JONES, COME ON DOWN. 23 00:03:24,734 --> 00:03:25,934 YOU'RE UP ALREADY. 24 00:03:25,934 --> 00:03:29,100 WHAT TIME IS IT? 25 00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:31,767 ALMOST 6:00 A.M. 26 00:03:31,767 --> 00:03:33,234 HASH-SLINGIN' TIME. 27 00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:34,868 HASH-SLINGIN'... 28 00:03:34,868 --> 00:03:36,300 I TOLD YOU LAST NIGHT I'M THROUGH 29 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,200 WITH THAT GODDAMN COFFEE SHOP. 30 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,901 I'M GOING WITH YOU. ISN'T THAT WHAT WE SAID? 31 00:03:40,901 --> 00:03:44,200 WELL, THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE CHANGE OF PLANS. 32 00:03:46,467 --> 00:03:47,934 BUT WE SAID LAST NIGHT. 33 00:03:47,934 --> 00:03:50,634 LAST NIGHT WAS LAST NIGHT. 34 00:03:50,634 --> 00:03:52,501 SO YOU LIED TO ME. 35 00:03:52,501 --> 00:03:54,400 NO, YOU SAID YOU WANTED 36 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,100 TO GET OUT OF THIS STINKING LITTLE BURG 37 00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:57,868 AND I SOLD YOU A WAY TO DO IT. 38 00:03:57,868 --> 00:03:59,100 FOR THE NIGHT. 39 00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:02,601 NOW IT'S MORNING. AND THE WARRANTY'S EXPIRED. 40 00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:06,434 DAMN YOU! 41 00:04:06,434 --> 00:04:10,267 OH, SPARE ME THE TEARS, OK, SWEETHEART? 42 00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:12,200 BUT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME. 43 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,300 YES. YES. I SAID I LOVED YOU, 44 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,200 AND YOU DROPPED YOUR LITTLE PANTIES. 45 00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,133 IT'S CALLED SALESMANSHIP. 46 00:05:03,501 --> 00:05:05,267 YOU MUST BE MRS. JONES. 47 00:05:05,267 --> 00:05:06,834 YES, I AM. 48 00:05:06,834 --> 00:05:09,367 I'M JUDD CAMPBELL FROM THE RESTFUL HILLS MEMORIAL PARK. 49 00:05:09,367 --> 00:05:11,734 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE EXACTLY THE WAY YOUR HUSBAND SAID YOU ARE. 50 00:05:11,734 --> 00:05:13,200 IS HE HERE? 51 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,367 WELL, NO. HE PASSED ON A FEW DAYS AGO. 52 00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:19,234 THE FUNERAL WAS YESTERDAY. 53 00:05:19,234 --> 00:05:20,934 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 54 00:05:20,934 --> 00:05:23,868 I--JUST LAST MONDAY, I SAW HIM... 55 00:05:23,868 --> 00:05:25,467 IT'S LIKE HE SAW IT COMING. 56 00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:27,601 HE DID. HE HAD CANCER. 57 00:05:27,601 --> 00:05:29,067 WELL, I KNOW THAT, BUT... 58 00:05:29,067 --> 00:05:33,133 MONDAY, HE PUTS A DOWN PAYMENT ON A NEW CEMETERY PLOT. 59 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,701 AND THEN SUDDENLY... 60 00:05:35,701 --> 00:05:40,801 DID YOU SAY HE PUT A DOWN PAYMENT ON A CEMETERY PLOT? 61 00:05:40,801 --> 00:05:42,467 $250. 62 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:43,968 FOR BOTH YOU AND HIM. 63 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,934 WELL, HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT TO ME. 64 00:05:46,934 --> 00:05:49,968 WELL, HE WANTED IT TO BE A SURPRISE. 65 00:05:49,968 --> 00:05:52,300 HE PICKED THIS SPOT RIGHT HERE. 66 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:54,734 HE WANTED YOU TO BE AMONG THE FIRST 67 00:05:54,734 --> 00:05:57,734 TO ENJOY ETERNAL REST AMIDST ALL THAT BEAUTY. 68 00:05:57,734 --> 00:05:59,567 SHAME. HE WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT 69 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:00,901 THE BENEFITS PACKAGE, TOO. 70 00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:04,100 FUNERAL EXPENSES, PLUS 10,000 CASH. 71 00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,234 HE LOVED YOU SO MUCH. 72 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,567 $10,000? 73 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,067 YEAH. 74 00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:10,534 I'LL ARRANGE FOR YOU TO GET FULL A REFUND, 75 00:06:10,534 --> 00:06:11,834 WHEN I GET BACK TO THE OFFICE, 76 00:06:11,834 --> 00:06:14,400 OF THE $250 DEPOSIT. 77 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,000 OH, BUT, UM, ISN'T THERE SOME WAY 78 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,501 THAT I COULD GET THE BENEFITS? 79 00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:21,234 I DON'T SEE HOW. 80 00:06:21,234 --> 00:06:23,567 YOUR HUSBAND HAS ALREADY PASSED ON. 81 00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:27,734 WELL, WHAT IF I PAID YOU THE MONEY? 82 00:06:27,734 --> 00:06:30,133 MA'AM, THAT WOULD BE ILLEGAL. 83 00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:32,334 I DON'T SEE WHY. 84 00:06:32,334 --> 00:06:36,167 MY HUSBAND INTENDED TO PAY YOU THE MONEY. 85 00:06:36,167 --> 00:06:37,934 WHAT IF HE'D ALREADY SENT IT? 86 00:06:37,934 --> 00:06:40,734 NOW, LOOK. I COULD PAY YOU THE MONEY NOW, 87 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,934 IN CASH. 88 00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:45,601 AND WHO'S TO KNOW WHEN YOU GOT IT? 89 00:06:45,601 --> 00:06:48,100 OH, PLEASE. 90 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:49,934 THE FUNERAL WAS SO EXPENSIVE. 91 00:06:49,934 --> 00:06:54,434 AND EB DIDN'T LEAVE ME HARDLY A PIG'S WHISTLE. 92 00:06:54,434 --> 00:06:56,434 ISN'T THERE SOME WAY? 93 00:06:56,434 --> 00:06:58,200 HOW MUCH DID HE OWE YOU? 94 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,767 ANOTHER $250. 95 00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:02,267 PFFT. I DON'T KNOW. 96 00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:04,334 I SUPPOSE IF IT WERE CASH. 97 00:07:04,334 --> 00:07:07,734 OH, I'LL GET IT FOR YOU. 98 00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,667 BOING. 99 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:26,701 I'M AFRAID I-- I ONLY HAVE $187. 100 00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:27,734 OOH. 101 00:07:27,734 --> 00:07:29,334 THAT'S ALL I GOT IN THE WHOLE WORLD. 102 00:07:29,334 --> 00:07:31,734 ISN'T THERE SOME WAY? 103 00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:35,834 MRS. JONES, YOU'RE SUCH A NICE LADY. 104 00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,434 I'LL FIND A WAY. 105 00:07:38,567 --> 00:07:40,334 OH, BLESS YOU. 106 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:41,767 BLESS YOU. 107 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,501 CAN I HELP YOU? 108 00:08:15,501 --> 00:08:18,534 YOU MUST BE MRS. COMFRY. 109 00:08:18,534 --> 00:08:21,033 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE EXACTLY THE WAY YOUR HUSBAND SAID YOU WERE. 110 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,367 HE'S A VERY LUCKY MAN. 111 00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:23,367 MRS. WHO? 112 00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:25,033 MRS. COMFRY. 113 00:08:25,033 --> 00:08:27,100 THERE'S NOBODY HERE BY THAT NAME. 114 00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,300 WH-WH--ISN'T THIS 2465 MAPLE STREET? 115 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,067 NO. 116 00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:34,200 THIS HERE IS MAPLE DRIVE. 117 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,701 MAPLE STREET IS WAY ACROSS TOWN. 118 00:08:36,701 --> 00:08:38,267 OH. MY MISTAKE. 119 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,968 END OF THE DAY. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS. 120 00:08:39,968 --> 00:08:41,534 BYE. 121 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,601 YOUNG MAN. 122 00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:49,501 ARE YOU SELLING SOMETHING? 123 00:08:51,901 --> 00:08:54,267 AS A MATTER OF FACT... 124 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,267 BECAUSE AT RESTFUL HILLS, 125 00:08:56,267 --> 00:08:58,734 WE BELIEVE THAT BOTH YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES 126 00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:03,234 SHOULD BE ABLE TO REST IN PEACE BEFORE AS WELL AS AFTER. 127 00:09:03,234 --> 00:09:05,067 OH, IT SOUNDS SO NICE. 128 00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:07,000 I DO HAVE A LOVELY BROCHURE THAT I'D-- 129 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,934 I'M SORRY. I DON'T WANT PA TO MISS THIS. 130 00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:12,467 PA! 131 00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:16,267 OH, WHERE IS THAT OLD GOAT? 132 00:09:16,267 --> 00:09:17,601 PA! 133 00:09:17,601 --> 00:09:18,934 WHERE IN TARNATION ARE YOU? 134 00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:21,067 HONESTLY. 135 00:09:21,067 --> 00:09:22,067 HOLD YOUR HORSES, MA! 136 00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:24,834 I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF DIGGING! 137 00:09:24,834 --> 00:09:27,501 OH, WE GOT COMPANY. 138 00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:30,834 MR. CAMPBELL'S A SALESMAN, PA. 139 00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,968 A SALESMAN! 140 00:09:32,968 --> 00:09:35,033 AIN'T THAT NICE?! 141 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,534 IN THE OLD DAYS, 142 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,501 TRAVELING SALESMEN USED TO COME BY ALL THE TIME. 143 00:09:39,501 --> 00:09:41,934 OF COURSE, NOWADAYS, EVERYBODY STAYS HOME, 144 00:09:41,934 --> 00:09:43,801 DOES THEIR SHOPPING ON THE TV. 145 00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:46,133 I DON'T KNOW, BUT TO ME IT JUST AIN'T THE SAME. 146 00:09:46,133 --> 00:09:47,133 NO. 147 00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:51,033 WELL, SIT YOURSELF. 148 00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:52,601 SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT. 149 00:09:52,601 --> 00:09:54,067 I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 150 00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:55,267 BUYING THINGS LONG DISTANCE, 151 00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:57,267 YOU KNOW, YOU LOSE THAT HUMAN CONNECTION. 152 00:09:57,267 --> 00:09:59,000 AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH? 153 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,000 AND WHEN THE PRODUCT COMES... 154 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,400 SHUT UP, MA. 155 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,934 THE YOUNG MAN DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK. 156 00:10:03,934 --> 00:10:05,868 LET HIM GET DOWN TO BUSINESS. 157 00:10:05,868 --> 00:10:07,901 I'LL DO JUST THAT, SIR. 158 00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:09,701 AT RESTFUL HILLS MEMORIAL PARK-- 159 00:10:09,701 --> 00:10:11,634 THAT SOME KIND OF CEMETERY? 160 00:10:11,634 --> 00:10:14,634 WE CALL OURSELVES A MEMORIAL PARK. 161 00:10:14,634 --> 00:10:16,300 WHAT WE DO IS A WHOLE NEW CONCEPT 162 00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,067 THAT TRIES TO BRING PEACE TO YOUR LOVED ONES 163 00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:20,267 BOTH BEFORE AND AFTER YOUR DEMISE. 164 00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:22,501 FOR STARTERS, WE FOUND A PIECE OF PROPERTY, 165 00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:23,934 NORTH SIDE OF TOWN, 166 00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:26,667 THAT WILL JUST KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF. 167 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,267 LOOK AT THIS. ISN'T THAT GORGEOUS? 168 00:10:28,267 --> 00:10:29,767 OH, IT SURE IS! 169 00:10:29,767 --> 00:10:33,934 IT LOOKS LIKE THE PERFECT PLACE TO SPEND ETERNITY. 170 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,167 IT DOES LOOK RESTFUL, DOESN'T IT? 171 00:10:36,167 --> 00:10:38,434 IT'S THE KIND OF PLACE THE WHOLE FAMILY 172 00:10:38,434 --> 00:10:40,868 WILL ENJOY COMING TO TO PAY THEIR LAST RESPECTS, 173 00:10:40,868 --> 00:10:42,334 AND THAT IN TURN, MAKES THE PROCESS OF MOURNING 174 00:10:42,334 --> 00:10:44,000 JUST PLAIN EASIER ON EVERYONE. 175 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,367 NOW, ISN'T THAT A NICE IDEA, PA? 176 00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:51,601 WHEN DOES THE BEFOREHAND STUFF COME IN? 177 00:10:51,601 --> 00:10:55,234 THAT'S-- THAT'S VERY SMART, SIR. 178 00:10:55,234 --> 00:10:57,033 THE BEFOREHAND PART 179 00:10:57,033 --> 00:11:00,067 COMES WITH THE DEATH BENEFITS PACKAGE. 180 00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:02,400 NOW, FOR A SMALL, NOMINAL FEE, 181 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,767 WE PAY AT THE TIME OF DEMISE, 182 00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,300 FULL FUNERAL EXPENSES, 183 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:10,200 PLUS A DEATH BENEFIT OF $10,000 CASH. 184 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,367 THAT WAY, YOU KNOW YOUR LOVED ONES 185 00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:13,868 ARE GOING TO BE TAKEN CARE OF BEFOREHAND. 186 00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:15,334 HOW NOMINAL? 187 00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:18,133 $500 BUYS EVERYTHING FOR THE BOTH OF YOU. 188 00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:21,200 $500? THAT'S ALL? 189 00:11:27,801 --> 00:11:32,033 OF COURSE, WE DO HAVE THE EXTENDED DEATH BENEFIT 190 00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:34,000 OF $20,000. 191 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,701 AND THAT'LL ONLY COST YOU 750. 192 00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:42,534 $750 BUYS YOU $20,000? 193 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:44,767 NO. YOU'RE BOTH COVERED. 194 00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:47,300 SO WE'RE TALKING $40,000. 195 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,200 OHH. 196 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,267 OH, WELL. 197 00:11:53,267 --> 00:11:56,567 WE CAN'T SAY NO TO THAT, CAN WE? 198 00:11:56,567 --> 00:11:57,667 WE'LL DO IT. 199 00:11:57,667 --> 00:12:01,267 GREAT. I'LL DRAW UP THE PAPERWORK. 200 00:12:01,267 --> 00:12:03,367 OF COURSE, WE'LL HAVE TO SEE IT FIRST. 201 00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:04,968 SEE? 202 00:12:04,968 --> 00:12:07,467 SEE WHAT THE CEMETERY PLOT LOOKS LIKE. 203 00:12:07,467 --> 00:12:10,100 WE LIKE TO SEE A THING WORK BEFORE WE BUY IT. 204 00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:14,133 WELL, IT, UM, IT LOOKS PRETTY MUCH LIKE THIS. 205 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:18,000 CAN'T BUY NOTHING TILL WE SEE IT FIRST. 206 00:12:21,801 --> 00:12:24,133 OK, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'M GOING TO DO. 207 00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:26,133 I'M GOING TO SUBMIT YOUR PAPERWORK WITH THE PAYMENT, 208 00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:27,434 AND I'M GOING TO COME BACK TOMORROW, 209 00:12:27,434 --> 00:12:28,567 I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU THERE MYSELF. 210 00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:30,033 HOW DOES THAT SOUND? 211 00:12:30,033 --> 00:12:31,567 SURE THING. 212 00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:33,601 I EXPECT YOU'D LIKE ME AND MA TO GO DOWNSTAIRS 213 00:12:33,601 --> 00:12:34,601 AND GET YOU SOME MONEY. 214 00:12:34,601 --> 00:12:35,934 YOU TAKE CASH? 215 00:12:35,934 --> 00:12:39,334 I PREFER CASH. IT SPEEDS UP THE PROCESS. 216 00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:42,234 WELL, WE WON'T BE BUT A MINUTE. 217 00:12:44,467 --> 00:12:46,067 AHH. 218 00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:48,033 YOU WANT SOME COFFEE OR SOMETHING? 219 00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:49,033 YEAH. 220 00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:51,701 IF YOU'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD ALL DAY, 221 00:12:51,701 --> 00:12:54,901 I EXPECT YOU COULD USE A LITTLE PICK-ME-UP. 222 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,667 COME ON NOW, MA! 223 00:12:57,667 --> 00:13:02,000 WE DON'T WANT TO KEEP THE YOUNG MAN! 224 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,734 COMING, PA. 225 00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:39,767 I'M AFRAID YOU AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE! 226 00:13:51,868 --> 00:13:54,200 I SAY WE KILL HIM NOW. 227 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,267 I WON'T LET YOU DO IT, PA. 228 00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:57,300 DAMN IT, WOMAN. 229 00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:58,501 I'M TIRED OF YOU ARGUING WITH ME. 230 00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:01,000 IF I WANT HIM DEAD, HE'S DEAD! 231 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,934 AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT! 232 00:14:02,934 --> 00:14:03,968 DON'T YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME, OLD MAN, 233 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,100 OR I'LL HAVE HIDE. 234 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:08,133 BESIDES, IT WOULDN'T BE POLITE TO KILL HIM 235 00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:10,534 UNTIL HE WAKES UP. 236 00:14:10,534 --> 00:14:13,634 ANYWAY, I THINK WYNONA SHOULD HAVE A LOOK AT HIM FIRST. 237 00:14:13,634 --> 00:14:15,567 OH, GET OFF OF IT. 238 00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:18,734 HE AIN'T GONNA WANT HER. 239 00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:21,000 AIN'T NOBODY IN WYNONA'S WHOLE UGLY 240 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,200 GODDAMN LIFE EVER WANTED HER. 241 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,167 I'D LIKE HER TO BE THE JUDGE OF THAT. 242 00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:28,367 HELL. IF SHE DO WANT HIM, I DON'T. 243 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,367 I DON'T WANT NO GODDAMN SALESMAN IN THE FAMILY. 244 00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:34,234 NOBODY CARES WHO YOU WANT IN THIS FAMILY. 245 00:14:34,234 --> 00:14:37,234 BESIDES, ONLY SALESMEN EVER COME TO THIS PLACE. 246 00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:40,634 AND THIS ONE SEEMED ESPECIALLY NICE. 247 00:14:40,634 --> 00:14:42,934 OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. 248 00:14:42,934 --> 00:14:44,234 AND IF THIS IS WYNONA'S ONLY CHANCE 249 00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:45,501 AT A LITTLE HAPPINESS, 250 00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:47,501 THEN I'M WANT TO GIVE IT TO HER. 251 00:14:47,501 --> 00:14:50,234 WELL, IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN 252 00:14:50,234 --> 00:14:53,267 'CAUSE HE AIN'T GONNA WANT HER. 253 00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:56,334 HEY, YOU! WAKE UP! 254 00:14:56,334 --> 00:14:59,534 WAKE UP, DAMN IT! 255 00:14:59,534 --> 00:15:01,400 AARGH! 256 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,367 HE'S UP! 257 00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:05,033 PLEASE LET ME GO. 258 00:15:05,033 --> 00:15:06,067 WHY? 259 00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:08,567 SO'S YOU CAN RUN OFF TO THE POLICE... 260 00:15:08,567 --> 00:15:10,033 TELL THEM ALL ABOUT US? 261 00:15:10,033 --> 00:15:11,934 NO. I WON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. 262 00:15:11,934 --> 00:15:13,767 I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHO THOSE OTHER GUYS ARE. 263 00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:17,267 WELL, THEY'RE SALESMEN, LIKE YOU. 264 00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:20,767 LIKE THAT GUY WHAT SOLD US THE CRUMMY MICROWAVE... 265 00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:21,968 DIDN'T WORK. 266 00:15:21,968 --> 00:15:24,767 AND THE VACUUM! AND THE COLOR TV! 267 00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:27,634 WASN'T NO COLOR TV TILL I FIXED IT! 268 00:15:32,934 --> 00:15:35,167 NOW IT'S A COLOR TV! 269 00:15:36,267 --> 00:15:37,968 GAH! 270 00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:39,000 REALLY... 271 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,467 I WON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. 272 00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,901 YOU CAN LET ME GO. 273 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:46,100 AND WHY WOULD I TRUST YOU? 274 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:48,200 YOU'RE A SALESMAN, 275 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,968 AND A SALESMAN AIN'T NOTHING BUT A THIEF 276 00:15:49,968 --> 00:15:52,834 TRYING SUCKERING PEOPLE OUT OF THEIR HARD-EARNED MONEY 277 00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:56,467 MAKING THEM BUY THINGS THEY NEITHER WANT NOR NEED! 278 00:15:56,467 --> 00:15:59,334 WELL, WE'VE BEEN TOOK ONE TIME TOO MANY, 279 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:02,200 AND IF WE HAVE TO KILL EVERY LAST GODDAMN SALESMAN 280 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,000 ON THE GODDAMN PLANET, SO BET IT! 281 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,334 NOW, DON'T YOU GET TOO EXCITED, PA. 282 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,767 WE AIN'T DOING NOTHING 283 00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:11,834 TILL WYNONA SEES HIM FIRST. 284 00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:17,434 DAMN GIRL'S NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. 285 00:16:19,601 --> 00:16:20,868 COME ALONG, MA. 286 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:29,901 GODDAMN GIRL. 287 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,701 ARE YOU... 288 00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,300 WYNONA? 289 00:16:49,501 --> 00:16:52,367 WYNONA'S SUCH A NICE NAME. 290 00:16:52,367 --> 00:16:55,200 MY--MY MOTHER'S NAME WAS WYNONA, 291 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,000 AND SHE WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL. 292 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,601 YOU PLAY THAT VERY WELL. 293 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:02,334 ANYONE EVER TELL YOU THAT? 294 00:17:02,334 --> 00:17:05,367 HOW, UH, HOW OLD ARE YOU? 295 00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:08,901 OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT WHEN I HEAR IT. 296 00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,567 WHY DON'T COME ON OVER HERE 297 00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:13,934 WHERE I CAN SEE YOU? 298 00:17:13,934 --> 00:17:16,267 MAYBE I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE ME. 299 00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:19,534 HEH HEH HEH. I DON'T THINK THAT'S THE CASE AT ALL. 300 00:17:19,534 --> 00:17:24,100 I THINK YOU WANT ME TO SEE YOU VERY MUCH. 301 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:28,133 YOU KNOW, I HARDLY KNOW YOU, WYNONA. 302 00:17:28,133 --> 00:17:30,634 BUT I CAN HEAR YOUR LONELINESS. 303 00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:32,300 I KNOW THAT LONELINESS. 304 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,501 IT SITS ON MY SHOULDER AND IT PECKS AT MY HEART. 305 00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:37,534 IS THAT HOW YOU FEEL, WYNONA? 306 00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,267 YOU SURE DO TALK PRETTY. 307 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,634 LET'S YOU AND ME HAVE A TALK THEN, FACE TO FACE. 308 00:17:42,634 --> 00:17:44,934 O.K... 309 00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:47,133 FACE TO FACE. 310 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:48,133 OH! 311 00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:51,000 YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. 312 00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:58,400 THE LAST THING I AM IS BEAUTIFUL. 313 00:18:01,834 --> 00:18:03,968 WHAT IS BEAUTY, ANYWAY? 314 00:18:03,968 --> 00:18:06,734 THE MONA LISA HAS NOTHING ON YOU. 315 00:18:06,734 --> 00:18:09,767 WHAT IS THAT, UM, THAT PERFUME YOU'RE WEARING? 316 00:18:09,767 --> 00:18:12,267 NOT WEARING ANY. 317 00:18:14,434 --> 00:18:16,834 I AIN'T WASHED IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS. 318 00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:22,501 THAT IS SO... 319 00:18:22,501 --> 00:18:24,133 EARTHY. 320 00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:25,834 I LOVE IT. 321 00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,968 THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE. 322 00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:30,300 I'VE FALLEN HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH YOU. 323 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,501 YOU DON'T LOVE ME. 324 00:18:33,501 --> 00:18:35,000 NO, I DO. I DO. 325 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,968 JUST TAKE THESE OFF AND LET ME PROVE IT. 326 00:18:36,968 --> 00:18:39,133 I DON'T HAVE THE KEYS. 327 00:18:39,133 --> 00:18:40,701 AND EVEN IF'N I DID-- 328 00:18:40,701 --> 00:18:42,701 YOU GOT TO LET ME PROVE IT. 329 00:18:42,701 --> 00:18:43,834 IF YOU DON'T LET ME PROVE IT TO YOU, 330 00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:46,000 I SWEAR I'M GOING TO GO CRAZY. 331 00:18:50,901 --> 00:18:53,868 YOU REALLY THINK I'M LIKE THE MONA LISA? 332 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,167 WHO CARES WHY THE MONA LISA'S SMILING THAT WAY? 333 00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:07,267 I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOU SMILE. 334 00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:10,667 I WANT TO DEDICATE MYSELF-- 335 00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:14,767 OH, THIS IS SO... LOVELY. 336 00:19:14,767 --> 00:19:18,501 I HATE THIS ROOM. I HATE THIS WHOLE HOUSE. 337 00:19:18,501 --> 00:19:19,601 UH. 338 00:19:19,601 --> 00:19:21,667 YOU KNOW, IT'S STRANGE HOW I FEEL NOW. 339 00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:23,567 GIDDY, LIKE A KID. 340 00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:24,868 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 341 00:19:24,868 --> 00:19:27,467 I WANT TO SEE THESE "LOVE FEELINGS." 342 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,367 THE KIND OF LOVE I'M TALKING ABOUT IS DIFFERENT. 343 00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:31,200 IT'S DEEPER. 344 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,300 ACTION'S ALL I BELIEVE IN. 345 00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,334 THIS LOVE TALK IS VERY NICE, 346 00:19:35,334 --> 00:19:38,701 BUT THE BODY NEVER LIES. 347 00:19:43,701 --> 00:19:45,667 NOW! 348 00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:47,734 LET'S SEE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME! 349 00:19:47,734 --> 00:19:48,901 I SWEAR I LOVE YOU. 350 00:19:48,901 --> 00:19:49,868 ISN'T THAT GOOD ENOUGH? 351 00:20:07,734 --> 00:20:09,400 YOU STILL LOVE ME? 352 00:20:27,701 --> 00:20:31,167 SO, SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME. 353 00:20:38,434 --> 00:20:40,634 COURSE IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME, 354 00:20:40,634 --> 00:20:42,267 I'LL JUST HAVE TO GIVE YOU BACK TO PA 355 00:20:42,267 --> 00:20:43,434 AND LET HIM DEAL WITH YOU. 356 00:20:43,434 --> 00:20:45,701 I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. 357 00:20:45,701 --> 00:20:48,767 YEAH. 358 00:20:48,767 --> 00:20:49,968 I DIDN'T THINK-- 359 00:20:49,968 --> 00:20:51,868 WAIT. 360 00:21:04,467 --> 00:21:07,601 WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED. 361 00:21:07,601 --> 00:21:09,534 I THINK YOU DO LOVE ME. 362 00:21:55,501 --> 00:21:56,501 THAT WAS... 363 00:21:56,501 --> 00:21:58,367 AMAZING. 364 00:21:58,367 --> 00:22:00,133 THAT WAS THE MOST INCREDIBLE SEX 365 00:22:00,133 --> 00:22:01,400 I'VE EVER HAD. 366 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,801 WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DO THAT? 367 00:22:03,801 --> 00:22:06,033 ALL THOSE SALESMEN. 368 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,501 EXCEPT NONE OF THEM DID WHAT YOU DID. 369 00:22:08,501 --> 00:22:12,033 OR LIKE YOU DID. 370 00:22:12,033 --> 00:22:14,534 YOU DO LOVE ME, DON'T YOU? 371 00:22:14,534 --> 00:22:18,000 LIKE YOU SAID, THE BODY NEVER LIES. 372 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,200 THE QUESTION IS, 373 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,000 DO YOU LOVE ME? 374 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,868 OF COURSE, I LOVE YOU. 375 00:22:23,868 --> 00:22:25,968 I AIN'T GONNA LET MY DADDY HURT YOU, 376 00:22:25,968 --> 00:22:27,567 IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT. 377 00:22:27,567 --> 00:22:30,834 I WANT TO MARRY YOU. 378 00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:32,667 IF WE GOT MARRIED, 379 00:22:32,667 --> 00:22:34,367 YOU'D GET MY DOWRY, 380 00:22:34,367 --> 00:22:35,534 AND THEY'D LET YOU GO, 381 00:22:35,534 --> 00:22:37,868 AND WE COULD RUN AWAY AND BE HAPPY TOGETHER. 382 00:22:37,868 --> 00:22:39,734 I HATE IT HERE. 383 00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:42,901 MA AND PA TREAT ME SO MEAN. 384 00:22:42,901 --> 00:22:45,267 DID YOU SAY DOWRY? 385 00:22:46,434 --> 00:22:48,367 YEAH. 386 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:51,200 PA'S GOT IT BURIED IN THE BASEMENT. 387 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,567 IT'S THE MONEY FROM ALL THOSE SALESMEN. 388 00:22:54,567 --> 00:22:58,000 IT MUST BE $40-, $50,000. 389 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,534 YES. 390 00:22:59,534 --> 00:23:01,367 YES, LET'S... 391 00:23:01,367 --> 00:23:02,868 LET'S GET MARRIED. 392 00:23:11,801 --> 00:23:13,801 MA! PA! 393 00:23:13,801 --> 00:23:15,534 I'M GETTIN' HITCHED! 394 00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:23,267 YOU REALLY WANT TO DO THIS THING? 395 00:23:23,267 --> 00:23:24,434 ABSOLUTELY. 396 00:23:24,434 --> 00:23:27,267 I LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER. 397 00:23:27,267 --> 00:23:29,767 AND I LOVE HIM, PA. 398 00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:34,834 LET'S GET THIS STARTED. 399 00:23:34,834 --> 00:23:38,000 AREN'T WE GONNA HAVE A PREACHER? 400 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,601 PA IS A PREACHER. 401 00:23:41,334 --> 00:23:43,767 DO YOU, JUDD CAMPBELL, 402 00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:46,167 TAKE MY DAUGHTER, WYNONA BRACKETT, 403 00:23:46,167 --> 00:23:48,367 TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED WIFE? 404 00:23:50,367 --> 00:23:52,834 I DO. 405 00:23:52,834 --> 00:23:54,734 AND DO YOU, WYNONA, 406 00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:59,033 TAKE THIS MAN TO BE YOUR LAWFUL WEDDED HUSBAND? 407 00:23:59,033 --> 00:24:01,834 YOU BET I DO, PA. 408 00:24:01,834 --> 00:24:03,767 LET'S HAVE THE RING, MA. 409 00:24:07,234 --> 00:24:09,133 THANK YOU. 410 00:24:09,133 --> 00:24:11,667 IF YOU'LL PLACE THIS RING ON WYNONA'S-- 411 00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,167 WAIT A MINUTE, PA. 412 00:24:13,167 --> 00:24:15,634 AIN'T YOU GONNA TAKE THESE HANDCUFFS OFF? 413 00:24:15,634 --> 00:24:17,834 HE'S MARRYING ME. 414 00:24:17,834 --> 00:24:19,167 YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE 415 00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:20,868 WALKING AROUND WITH THESE THINGS ON? 416 00:24:20,868 --> 00:24:22,133 SHE'S RIGHT, PA. 417 00:24:22,133 --> 00:24:24,100 IF'N HE'S WILLING TO MARRY HER, 418 00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:25,601 IT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO. 419 00:24:25,601 --> 00:24:29,100 WELL, I GUESS. 420 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,467 NO. I AIN'T GONNA. 421 00:24:36,467 --> 00:24:38,000 I'LL MARRY HIM TO YOU, 422 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,133 BUT THAT'S AS FAR AS IT GOES. 423 00:24:39,133 --> 00:24:40,834 BUT... 424 00:24:40,834 --> 00:24:42,367 PA. 425 00:24:42,367 --> 00:24:44,501 IT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS, WYNONA. 426 00:24:44,501 --> 00:24:46,267 I'M STILL GOING TO HAVE TO SHOOT HIM. 427 00:24:46,267 --> 00:24:48,868 HE'S A SALESMAN. HE CAN'T BE TRUSTED. 428 00:24:48,868 --> 00:24:51,033 DAMN YOU, PA! 429 00:24:51,033 --> 00:24:53,133 IT'S MY FIRST CHANCE OF HAPPINESS I GOT. 430 00:24:53,133 --> 00:24:55,300 AND YOU AIN'T GONNA KILL THAT. 431 00:24:55,300 --> 00:24:56,234 NO! 432 00:24:57,934 --> 00:24:59,434 PRIN-PRINCESS. 433 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,567 WYNONA! 434 00:25:03,567 --> 00:25:05,200 WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WYNONA? 435 00:25:11,501 --> 00:25:12,868 WYNONA, YOU KILLED HIM! 436 00:25:15,601 --> 00:25:17,100 UNH. UHH. 437 00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:18,267 WHOA! 438 00:25:33,067 --> 00:25:36,167 LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU, DARLIN'. 439 00:25:40,234 --> 00:25:45,834 NOW, LET'S GO GET THAT DOWRY! 440 00:26:12,434 --> 00:26:14,100 HERE'S WHERE IT IS. 441 00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:15,567 GREAT. 442 00:26:15,567 --> 00:26:17,934 OH! BY THE WAY, I HAVE A LITTLE 443 00:26:17,934 --> 00:26:19,601 WEDDING PRESENT FOR YOU, MY LOVE. 444 00:26:28,634 --> 00:26:29,834 UGLY BITCH. 445 00:26:58,133 --> 00:27:00,100 WHAT THE HELL? 446 00:27:06,133 --> 00:27:10,467 YOU FIND SOMETHING DOWN THERE, YOUNG MAN? 447 00:27:10,467 --> 00:27:12,067 YOU KNOW, MA. 448 00:27:12,067 --> 00:27:13,968 THE YOUNG MAN'S RIGHT. 449 00:27:13,968 --> 00:27:18,901 THIS SURE IS A MIGHTY NICE CEMETERY PLOT. 450 00:27:21,167 --> 00:27:23,067 BUT I--BUT... 451 00:27:23,067 --> 00:27:25,601 THE VIEW AIN'T MUCH, 452 00:27:25,601 --> 00:27:27,467 BUT I THINK HE'LL REST IN PEACE 453 00:27:27,467 --> 00:27:29,167 JUST THE SAME. 454 00:27:29,167 --> 00:27:30,634 WYNONA? 455 00:27:31,834 --> 00:27:34,234 YOU GOING TO PAY YOUR RESPECTS OR WHAT? 456 00:27:41,767 --> 00:27:45,767 I SURE HOPE I CAN GET THIS FAKE BLOOD 457 00:27:45,767 --> 00:27:47,334 OUT OF MY DRESS. 458 00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:49,567 OH, JUST THROW IT IN THE NEW WASHING MACHINE 459 00:27:49,567 --> 00:27:51,934 THAT OTHER NICE SALESMAN BROUGHT US. 460 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,434 HA HA HA. 461 00:27:58,434 --> 00:28:00,033 YOU... 462 00:28:00,033 --> 00:28:01,801 YOU LIED TO ME, ALL OF YOU. 463 00:28:01,801 --> 00:28:03,033 LIED? 464 00:28:04,334 --> 00:28:08,000 NOW, THAT AIN'T A NICE THING TO SAY. 465 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:11,567 BESIDES, 'TWEREN'T NO LIE AT ALL. 466 00:28:11,567 --> 00:28:14,033 NO, SIR. 467 00:28:14,033 --> 00:28:16,734 IT'S CALLED... 468 00:28:20,234 --> 00:28:22,567 SALESMANSHIP! 469 00:28:26,404 --> 00:28:27,666 NO SALE 470 00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:32,234 GOOD OLD JUDD. JUST ANOTHER SATISFIED GHOST-IMER. 471 00:28:32,234 --> 00:28:34,534 I GUESS IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY. 472 00:28:34,534 --> 00:28:38,567 THE FAMILY THAT SLAYS TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER. 473 00:28:40,968 --> 00:28:44,234 WE COME NOW TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE ITEMS-- 474 00:28:44,234 --> 00:28:46,868 THE AMAZING CRYPT KEEPER SLASH-O-MATIC. 475 00:28:46,868 --> 00:28:48,767 IT'S MORE THAN JUST A KNIFE, 476 00:28:48,767 --> 00:28:51,234 IT PEELS, IT CUTS, MAKES FABULOUS FRENCH FRIES. 477 00:28:51,234 --> 00:28:53,000 IT SLICES, IT DICES, IT-- 32014