All language subtitles for Orange Is the New Black S04E01 Work That Body For Me (1080p x265 10bit Joy)

[cell door slams]

[theme song playing]

[cell door slams]

[cell door slams]

[inmates cheering]

[indistinct yelling]

[man and woman grunting]

[Alex choking]

-[Lolly yelling]
-[Aydin grunts] What the--

-[Lolly grunting]
-[groaning]

[Alex panting]

[panting] Everybody's going to the lake,
'cause there's this big hole in the fence.

I was just thinking, you know,
maybe you wanna come?

[gasping]

Please! Please, Manfredo.

I need bodies. I got 100 new inmates.
[stuttering] I'm dying here.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
They're all going, sir! Sir!

Come on!
For you, it's another day in Max.

-Sir!
-You know how to handle your shit

with a few less COs.

I got inmate-palooza here.
I am drowning in a sea of orange.

Sir! They are all out!

What the fuck do you think
I'm on the phone for, Bayley?

I know they walked out. I am handling it.

-Walk out?
-[Caputo] Call who?

It's not a walk out, sir. They are--
They are running at full speed!

[mouths]

I'm the Director of Human Activity!

Uh-huh, that's right.

Well, why the hell not me?

As of a few hours ago, asshole.
Why the hell am I even askin'?

Send me some goddamn COs now!
That's an order.

-[breathing heavily]
-That's right. I want six guys.

And I want real guys.

Thank you, Manfredo.

I'll be expecting them within the hour.

'Cause I'm the fucking warden.

Sir? The majority of our inmate population

has run out of the prison

through a breach in the fence
on the south side of the field

and is now swimming in the lake
adjacent to campus, sir... Warden.

That's cool to say.
Uh, congrats on that, by the way.

Hey!

-[inmate whispering indistinctly]
-Hey!

Hey!

[inmate] Come on, come on, come on.

Look at them run.

You see that? Man, word travels fast.

Yeah. Um, hey, can I get through, please?

I can't believe this is happening.

Sometimes you got to do
what you got to do.

Will you get the fuck out of my way?

Do you really think it's wise
to be speaking to me in that manner?

Jesus, Chapman. [scoffing]
A little magic happens around here

and you make it all about you,
like you made it happen. [stutters]

[Piper] But I did, that's my point.

I'm gangsta. Like with an "A" at the end.

Excuse me.

I sent that bitch to Max.

There's a hole in the fence.
Everybody running to the lake.

Nobody knows you, gangsta with an "A".

Oh... Then why aren't you going?

They don't let nice things
next to prisons.

That lake probably
another Crestwood project.

Storage for fracked gas or crude oil,
full of salt brine run-off.

Who's going to complain?

I think Miss Rosa get cancer
from that lake.

That's horrible! And they're swimming
in that? You should tell people.

No, no, no. I'm going in.

Take a long, hot shower
in the good shower.

No lines. No one to bother.

Deep conditioner pack.
Replenish luster and shine.

See you later, Thug Life.

Wanna go to the movies or something?

-No, I'm too riled up.
-[alarm blaring]

-Skee ball?
-Yes.

[inmates yelling indistinctly]

[Bell] Look at that.

-They're not stoppin' and droppin'.
-No, they are not.

Something's going on. Maybe this is it.
Maybe they've finally decided to riot.

-You know women don't riot.
-Oh, really? Do I know that?

Maybe this tipped them over,
and you know what that would mean.

We get to wear the riot gear. Oh, my God.

I love the riot gear.

I know you do, panda. I know you do.

They're way understaffed.
It could get bad in there.

It would serve them right.
Come on. We're done here.

Fuck 'em.

[grunting]

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

What the fuck
is taking you people so long?

Just a lot of stuff to put on, sir.

Hey, can someone
tighten my straps, please?

Oh!

We had no choice.

I mean, you... you had no choice.

One hundred twelve acres,
just for parking.

What?

The NSA headquarters has 112 acres
around the building, just for parking.

That's like 85 football fields
full of NSA employees' cars.

The No Such Agency. Shit.

Secret.

You know, we don't even know
what their budget is.

But they get to know
who we're having phone sex with,

how we pickin' our nose on the webcam--

-Listen to me, listen to me.
-What?

I can't-- I cannot go through this again.

Lolly, I swear to you, Aydin was not NSA.
He was not NCS.

Oh, no. CIA, DIA, NSB, INB--

He was my old boss' hit man.

What?
Not a very good one, obviously.

He had his moments.

[alarm blares and stops]

-Did you hear that?
-[sighs]

Or did you hear not that?

Okay. [sighs]

Okay, let's get the fuck out of here!

I'm serious. It's crazy town out there.

I'm trying to tell you,
let's just blow this taco stand.

Look, let's just let somebody else
find this motherfucker.

They ain't gonna know it was us.

I was the last one seen in here.
They could trace this guy to me.

Okay, then I will bounce.

You were the one that killed him!

Oh! I was just supposed to let him
strangle you to death?

Did I need to say "to death"?

[exhales heavily] Was I just supposed
to let him strangle you? To death? Hmm.

-Either way... um, you are welcome.
-Okay.

And I'm gonna go.

-Wait!
-["Bad Day" playing on phone]

Shit! [gasping]

[Alex] It's got to be a phone.

Vause, I got three letters for you.

You mention the fucking NSA
and I swear to Christ... Ugh!

Check his boot.
They don't let guards have phones.

-[cell phone chimes]
-[Alex] Now he's texting.

Cover that. Cover that, cover that.
"Kubra."

[Alex sighs] Fuck!

[Lolly] Ooh, what's that?

[Alex] Emoji.

They got more of those?

Hmm, yeah. I mean, there's all kinds.

Oh, I like the kitty with the heart eyes.

[gasps] And the alien.

But that's not how aliens really look.

[cell phone chimes]

[gasping]

Okay, well, I can stay for a while.

This shit is heavy.

Is anyone else's helmet fogging up
when he breathes?

How do you not make it fog up?

I'm breathing out of my mouth in, like,
a downward direction, blowing down.

In through my nose
and out through my mouth.

Oh, shit, every time I talk it fogs up!

I'm taking this damn thing off.

[brakes squeal]

[dramatic music playing]

[male officer 1] Let's move!

[inaudible]

[Maureen chuckles]

[inmates yelling indistinctly]

-Feel that?
-Uh-huh.

Now, that's definitely my softest part.

That is really soft.

-It's like cocoa butter there.
-[both chuckling]

Oh, um, feel my earlobe.

-It's lumpy in the middle.
-I... I had my ears pierced.

But the skin is still really soft on top
and around the edge.

Like, super-soft.

Mmm.

[chuckles]

[male officer 2] Back, back,
back, back, back. Now, let's go.

Move 'em up, move 'em up, move 'em up.
Let's go!

-[air horn blaring]
-[male officer 3] Let's go back.

-Where are you going?
-Um...

Back to camp. We have to go. They said.

Wait. Why?

-Because we're prisoners?
-[male officer 4] Damn it. Hey!

[Maureen] But why?

Because someone said so?

-I took a plea deal.
-Everybody makes mistakes. I--

Why do we have to
sit in a box to pay for it?

I didn't hurt anyone.

Yeah, but dinner is at 4:45.

And I did hurt someone.

You wrote Time Hump.
We can make our own reality.

[air horn blares]

I don't understand what you're saying.

I'm saying... [chuckles softly]

we don't go back.

Are you taking it from below?

Yeah. It's gonna look great.
You look totally bloated.

[sighs] He wouldn't take it from below.

Would you stop moving your lips
and let me do my job?

You just got to lie there and play dead.

Act like you're having sex
with a ugly dude.

-[sighs]
-Have you ever had sex with a dude?

Just take the fucking shot!

[man on PA] All inmates
are to report to the cafeteria.

No one is to return to the dorms.

It doesn't matter
whether you are wet or dry.

-[both gasp]
-No one is to return to the dorms.

-Everyone is to report to the cafeteria...
-Shit. Hurry.

-All right, all right, all right.
-...immediately.

-There.
-Yeah?

-It's good.
-[clicks tongue]

-All right, I'm sending it.
-[grunting] We better show up.

[Alex] Okay.

Um, all right.

Oh, fuck.

Uh, maybe if we, uh,
roll him into the corner for now,

and cover him with a tarp or something,
we could come back later and bury him.

Oh, where the fuck we gonna do that?

We figure it out! Work with me!

We need to get out of here
and get punished for swimming in a lake

before we get caught and punished
for killing a fucking guard.

Okay! Yes, yes. Okay, let's do it.

One, two...

-[both grunting]
-[Alex] Oh, God!

Okay, hold on. Here.

-Cover his fuckin' feet.
-[cell phone chimes]

Hey, uh,
your pocket's glowing there, slick.

You might wanna put that somewhere else.

Oh. Jesus. [scoffing]
Fucking sick motherfuck.

What? I can't believe he didn't buy that.
You looked totally dead.

-Well, guess who's back on the ground?
-Uh-uh.

Come on! [snaps fingers] Shirt up,
bra down, floobies out, face slack.

Dead girl porn. Cosby dream shot.

-Do it! Let's go!
-[sighs]

[inmate 1] Girl, didn't you hear that?

Anybody seen Crazy?

[scoffs] Not since her
and her cuckoo compadre

stepped on my sandcastle.
I know they didn't mean to, but still.

-What did you say?
-[chuckling] I said, "Run,

because if I catch you, I'll kill you."

And they ran?

-Bet your ass, they ran.
-Shit.

Ran? They skipped. Laughing.
She didn't scare them.

[Anita] Oh, no?
[Yoga Jones] They were having fun.

[Taystee] But it still don't answer
where they gone.

Have you two seen 'em anywhere?

-Nope.
-No.

[clicks tongue]
Man, now I'm startin' to worry.

Hey, how come you two ain't wet?

You ain't wet.

-Hey, less talk, more walk, inmate.
-[grunts]

Did you just push her?

Officer, what's your name?
I haven't seen you before.

Inmate, I'm from Max, where there's order.

You wanna come live in my house?
Keep asking questions.

Now, walk! Eyes forward, mouths shut.

[all clamoring]

Motherfucker.

Are they, like, on a tour?

Tourists don't have pillows and blankets.

Overcrowding is dangerous.

[sighs] We're already fighting
over resources.

Well... think of it as a mandala...
of pussy.

[indistinct]

-I got 217.
-229.

I got 226 inmates, sir.

-Okay, I've, uh, two, three, four, five--
-Again.

-Hmm?
-Count them again.

And where are my printouts?
With the name and ID numbers on 'em.

Uh, the printer was out of ink,
so Luschek is gonna fix it.

[beeps]

[printer whirring]

-[Caputo] Luschek?
-Hmm.

How long does it take you
to change the ink

and print out some goddamn papers?

Hello? Are you there?

Yeah, they're printing.

I'll be there as soon
as they're done printing.

That's about the best I can do.

You're a moron.

Yeah, I love you, too.
Kisses. [kissing loudly]

[softly] Dick.

[farting]

And they say
the art of gift-giving is dead.

Listen, huh, if we don't get in there,
no one eats.

Then no one eats.
Maybe that's appropriate.

You break the rules,
you don't get your supper.

Oh, this is ridiculous!
I'm going to speak to Caputo.

Caputo!

[Piscatella] Hold it.

What's going on?

Nothing that you should
concern yourself with, sir.

My job is to make certain
the path is clear

so you can do your job without hindrance.
We got this under control.

-Yeah?
-[Piscatella] Yes, sir.

-What's your name again?
-Piscatella, sir.

-[hands clasping]
-Desi Piscatella.

All right.

Good work.

Thank you, sir.

Hey.

You any relation to Daniella Picatelli?

No, it's Piscatella, sir.

-Piscatella.
-With an "S".

Ah, gotcha.

[chuckles] 'Cause Daniella was...
you know, very, very tall.

Anyway. Okay.
Uh, Piscatella with an "S", good work.

-Caputo!
-[Piscatella] Hey!

-All right, troops.
-[sighs]

-Let's scramble it up again.
-Let's go, come on.

I think we're good here.

Isn't that right, inmate?

Just ducky,
Officer Piscatella with an "S".

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, so if they're not making dinner,

can we just go back to our rooms
and get our candy and stuff?

'Cause I got low blood pressure
and I'm gonna pass out.

I gotta get out
of these wet clothes first.

Ai! I got enough yeast...

[in Spanish]
in my vagina to make a bread starter.

[speaking English]
Ew, that was very vivid.

I'm very damp.

Yeah, well, who knows what's gonna be what

in the dorms by the time
we get back in there.

What are you talking about?

It's sardine time, bitches.

We a for-profit prison now.

We ain't people no more. We bulk items.

Can you check to see
if I'm bleeding through my pants?

-[sighs]
-S�, puchi.

Guard? Guard!

She needs to change her pad and her pants.

She's bleedin' real bad
from the baby she just had. Show him.

Oh, God. That... that is disgusting.
That is so disgusting.

No, you know what's disgusting?
What's happening here.

What you gonna do for her?

No one's allowed to leave the room.

So we're gonna ask you again.
What are you gonna do for her?

Come on! Think!

Really?

Are we not talking English?

So I'm a married lady.

-[Big Boo chuckles]
-And you actually did it?

I've still got his sperms inside of me
and everything.

Really didn't need that level of detail.

-But you missed the lake.
-[Big Boo] Mmm-hmm.

But I got married.

Yeah, but it was fun.

I was on Big Boo's shoulders
and we were winning with chicken.

-[laughing]
-[Leanne] No way!

Uh, excuse me, I got married.
I had intercourse.

With a man who is now my husband.

My day was better than yours.

My day was better than everyone's.

Today is my wedding day.

Anita built a sand castle.

Crazy Eyes found a turtle.

You're all a bunch of assholes.

I feel like we all married the lake.

-Don't you, ladies?
-Absolutely.

We're forever changed.

I still have lake water
running down my leg.

[laughing]

Fuckin' bitches is what you are.

-I need this. [clears throat]
-Are you hearing me?

What? What is going on?
Are you seeing this?

Hey, man, bring that back.
She got married today.

I need it. Sorry.
And, uh, it's unapproved.

Morello, don't worry,
he can't help himself.

For your information,
there's bleeding happening

and I'm helping to absorb it.
With this. So...

There are napkin dispensers
behind the food service counter.

Can she please have her veil back?

No, it's still an infraction.

So it sounds like
the lake was really fun, huh?

Well, actually...
I'm not sure how clean that water was...

'cause I'm starting to get
a gnarly itch on my thighs.

Me too.

I'll scratch yours if you scratch mine.

[Angie] But you bite your nails.

I wanna hear about the fuckin'.

-He got a big dick?
-[Big Boo chuckles]

Well, Italian don't rhyme with stallion
for nothing. [chuckles]

Although, I have always been very tight.

I mean, even when I was doing it

semi-regular with a guy
who used to put his shoe up there...

Excuse me?

Oh, it wasn't the shoe
that he wore on his foot.

It was a new shoe.
We called it our "special doin' it shoe."

[chuckles] It was a loafer.
We was in Catholic school.

Anyway, even then it would just
snap right back, you know. Just Kegel.

Again, heavy on the detail. Less is more.

Oh, Boo Boo, you're such a prude today.
[chuckles]

Let me tell you about the vows.

Who likes the band Foreigner?

-[indistinct]
-[Taystee] Yo.

She did not drown.
She ran off with that turtle girl.

[clicks tongue] Man, you see?
Hanging around white folks is a bad idea.

-[laughs]
-I'm not white.

Yeah, but you ain't brown.

And you ain't shit. Racist.

Black people can't be racist.
We have no power.

I'm gonna have to call bullshit on that.

I'm sorry, look, we may not be able
to act on our racism,

like, put people in a ghetto,
send them to shitty school...

-kill 'em in the back of police vans.
-Mmm.

But we sure as shit can be as racist
as everybody else, 'cause this is America.

-Land of the free, home of the racist.
-Right.

[clicks tongue] Yo, is anybody worried
that Suzanne is AWOL?

Yeah, we're all worried. But we're stuck.
And we're all moist and uncomfortable--

-And I'm mostly dry.
-[snickers]

-Damp. Is that better?
-[chuckles]

Is moist, like, some kind of
trigger word for you?

-What did you say?
-Trigger, man. She said trigger.

-[whispering] She said "nigger"...
-Come on, now. Don't even.

Hey! What? I'm bored!
Can't we have a race war? It'll be fun!

We have to get back out there.

What's your friend's name again?
Spout? Cylinder?

What? Piper?

Yeah. [stutters] Why do I have a block
on that stupid--

[Lolly] Piper!
[Alex] No! Why?

-Jesus. Stop!
-What?

I have a cell phone between my tits
and keys in my twat.

-Oh!
-And you just killed someone.

You think now is really
the best time to socialize?

Were you at the lake, too?

Nobody told me it was happening.

Do I look wet to you?

[Lolly] As a matter of fact,
we did go to the lake.

-It was delightful.
-Yep.

What is going on with you?

[Lolly] She just got too much sun,
she's fine.

Listen, look over there.

Look, please. Piper.

I know. I know. This can't be good.

Where is everybody gonna fit?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Remember, on the plane to Chicago?
That girl, she fell asleep on me?

She was scared to fly.

-We stole her apple.
-Vaguely.

-Okay, I think that's her.
-[Piper] I guess?

No, that's her. I remember her face,
'cause she fell asleep on me.

Cool. Alex?

I can't talk to you right now, Piper.
I can't.

All I wanna do is get out of here
and, you know, like, take a walk.

-And I can't do that.
-[exhales heavily]

So I'm feeling very frustrated.

I hear you. You got a taste.
You want more. See, I didn't.

I was inside while everybody else
was outside at the lake.

Having fun.

Yeah, I'm gonna need you
to piss off right now.

You shouldn't talk to me like that.

If you haven't heard yet, you will.
I am a force to be reckoned with.

Okay.

I'm gonna finish my book.

Nick Hornby.

I liked High Fidelity.

Psst.

Oh, a teardrop?

-It's on the wrong side.
-What are you talking about?

-Are they even tattoos?
-They're make-up.

[scoffs] So they're for, like, decoration?

-That's so cute.
-It's my thing.

Well, where I'm from, it means something.

What, like, you killed somebody?

-No.
-No?

No, I killed three somebodies.

Nobodies. [scoffs]

Then I get popped for fucking WIC fraud.
You believe that shit?

Anyhow, eyeliner girl...

-who's runnin' the game in here?
-The game?

Oh, come on. Don't hold out on me.

We're friends now.

-We both love to cry in black.
-[scoffs]

-So?
-[sighs]

Who's la jefa?

[Flaca] That one.

Over there. The white girl.

The reader.

You serious?

Cold like a Bomb Pop
from way back of the freezer.

She may look all la, la, la...
but she the one.

Huh.

Interesting.

[Maureen humming]

It's a gingerbread house. [chuckles]

-[laughs] No.
-It's like Berdie says!

-Um, always say yes. "Yes, and..."
-Oh, yes.

Yes, and... it tastes so delicious.

[chuckles]

[laughing]

[Suzanne retches]

Whatever paint is left on this,
is definitely lead-based.

Lead-based and rotten wood and...

-and fungus.
-[chuckles]

Did I just bite a termite?

-Maybe it's a big piece of ginger.
-No, stop.

Stop, time-out.

Do you think
there's any water around here?

Uh, there's no time-outs. [chuckles]

-Your brain can imagine anything.
-[scoffs]

-It made Time Hump. Right?
-[grunts]

It's magical. It is special. It's--

But my tongue can't eat anything,

and you have got to stop
with this Time Hump thing.

It's over. Okay?

Plus, it's gonna get dark soon.

But I love Time Hump.

You got to do more stories.

Uh, maybe... the gingerbread tastes weird
because there's a spell on it.

What happens next?

I'm not sure.

Take a minute.

Let the, uh, story hula-hoop
around your brain hips. [chuckles]

We've got time. We are never going back.

What?

We can live here forever.
We found a house. We can live in it.

You can read me stories.

And we can eat, uh, raccoon meat
and berries, and we could...

-we could make love!
-[stammering] I really made a big mistake.

-What are you doing?
-Um...

There is...

a witch inside that house.

And...
[whispering] she wants to eat us.

Then we kill the witch.

Maybe we take out her intestines

with a pitchfork
fashioned from wolves' teeth. [chuckles]

[yelling] I don't wanna do this anymore!

I'll wait.

-[inmates yelling indistinctly]
-How many are we missing?

Uh, I'm gonna say at least two,
but no more than 11.

[sniffs] It might be 12.

We're still getting
different numbers, sir.

[scoffs] And we still don't have
the goddamn rosters.

This is ridiculous.

All right. This is what we're gonna do.

All the original inmates,
they go back to their bunks.

We do a regular count, bed by bed.

And the newbies?

[exhales heavily] They wait.

Bayley, Thorpe,
you come walk the perimeter with me.

See if we find some stragglers.
Let's go, let's go.

-[Luschek] Uh...
-What is it, Luschek?

You might wanna come to the mail room.

Yeah? And you might wanna suck my dick.

Fucking incompetent.
I'll deal with you later.

I don't wanna suck his dick.

This is really
some kind of shit-show, huh?

To be fair, you've come
on a particularly crazy day.

But also... yes.

-[sighs]
-I'm taking you home.

Oh, and then what?

"Judy King skips out on prison."
They will crucify me.

So we sit here?

Yes, we sit. With Mr. Luschek.

[chuckles] Uh, actually, I should probably
take these papers over there.

You guys mind going back into the lobby?

-Are you serious? You cannot be serious--
-I-- No, Bill. Calm down.

-Hey, I really-- I gotta--
-[Judy] No. Really.

What is it?

I know you don't give a fig
about those papers, so, what?

Is this your smoke break?

Smoking is disgusting.

Uh, I was gonna go take a nap.

What is the matter with you?

-[chuckles] I think he's funny.
-Thank you.

None of this is funny, Judith.

-Uh-oh. We have entered the "Judith" zone.
-[sighs]

[Judy sighs]

Bill, I think it's time.

So, you wanna sit alone in the lobby?

Well, if you go, uh, she can stay in here.

-I'll hang out.
-Now you hear that? He'll hang out.

So I'm being dismissed?

I'm in prison now. It's hardened me.

Nothing new about that, Mrs. King.

Well, don't I know that, Mr. Montgomery.

Go home. Go visit my husband.

He's probably more upset about this
than the two of us put together.

-This isn't your husband?
-No, he's the boyfriend.

-Look at you.
-Well, just don't look too close, darlin'.

[Gerber] Look at this. Sealed tight.
That was fast.

[chain-link rattling]

[Suzanne grunting]
Fuck. I'm sorry I'm so late.

Please let me back in the prison!

Jesus Christ.

Thorpe, go get some wire cutters.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Caputo. Thank you.

No, she wanted the fairy tale.
I didn't. I just wanted dinner.

"She"? Who's "she"?

[gasps]

-[inmates talking indistinctly]
-Keep the volume down.

For now,
stay at the front of your cube for count.

Do not enter your cube.
Do not change your clothing.

Do not touch your personal effects.
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

That is an order. Is that clear?

[inmates continue talking]

-[blares]
-[inmates groaning]

-Jeez, stop!
-[Piscatella] I said, is that clear?

[Red] Ugh.

Stand in your doorways now.

Inmate Whitehill.

I see you're flying solo this evening.

I don't know.

Who is your roommate?

We're not really friends.
She might be working for the other side.

Not that she's a murderer--
Well, she could be.

Who can you really trust these days,
you know?

[Alex] Kukudio is missing.
And Whitehill's a little unique.

Can you spell that?

K-U-K-U-D-I-O. Could be K-U-C-K.

I don't think there's a "C" in there.
I think it's only the two "K"s.

Yeah, I don't recall asking you.

Inmate Murphy.

Do you corroborate the information
Inmate Vause is sharing with me?

[stuttering] I would say
that Whitehill is unique.

I'm not sure about the spelling thing.

"You are absolutely unique.

Just like everybody else." Margaret Mead.

Another party heard from.

Maybe it's time to start writing shots.

Okay, looks like
everybody's here but Kukudio.

-[inmates chuckling]
-What?

[Caputo] They're left over
from when it used to be a men's prison.

There's a bunch of them back here.

The guards could live on campus back then.

It was nice. By the lake.

Uh, when the lake was still nice.

[Gerber] I had no idea
these were even back here.

We used to stay in little cabins like this
in the summer, when I was a kid,

before my dad got into dog-dyeing.

You're gonna explain, aren't you?

I mean, only if you want me to.

[sighs] Go. Quick.

Uh, he dyes and grooms dogs,
so they look like wild animals.

You know, pandas, zebras, tigers.
It's a thing.

I'm sure it is.

-Camels.
-We're done now.

-[Gerber] Okay.
-[clattering]

Come out. We know you're in there.

[Maureen] No, you don't.

We found her. Come and grab.

-[male dispatcher] Copy that.
-Stay here.

-Huh?
-[loon calling]

-[telephone ringing]
-Hello?

[Jack] Why haven't you
been answering your phone?

I've been calling all day.
Do I have your cell?

-My assistant needs your cell.
-I, um--

What a nightmare.

I know, I know, but I'm dealing--

Have you seen her yet? [inhales]

It was a last-minute switch,
but she was processed like everyone else.

I mean, no special treatment... ish.

Who-- Who did the strip search?

Oh, Jesus. [sighs] Did you guys
make Judy King do a strip search?

-[stammers] Judy King?
-You gotta stay on top of this, Joe.

No fuck-ups.

-The press is gonna be sniffing around.
-[sighing]

There's gonna be
a magnifying glass on the place,

and I don't wanna see our ants fried.

She's fine, but not too fine,

'cause the public
wants to see justice served.

But we are humane to our prisoners, right?

And in the end,
we don't wanna piss her off

because she's got friends.
So thread the needle.

What exactly does that mean?

I don't know. How about don't fuck up?

And goddamn it,
you are Director of Human Activity now.

Get a fucking assistant
to answer your phones.

Is that in the budget?

No. Make an inmate do it.

[sighing]

Where the fuck is Judy King?

We all know sex and love are different,
especially for men.

See, why do people say that?

Why does everyone assume that
men can't form emotional attachments

-with sex like women do?
-Uh... [scoffs]

I do. I get attached.

So, I gotta be careful.

That's very sweet.

It's not. It's horrible.

Are you in love right now?

Aw.

[Caputo on radio] Doesn't anyone know
where Judy King is?

How does no one have eyes on this woman?

Party's over.

Pussy.

To be continued, my friend.

We'll see, inmate.

[into radio] I got her.

[Caputo] Luschek?

Yeah, I tried to tell you.
We're in the mail room.

Oh, and the, uh, rosters are ready.

Still want me to suck your dick?

[Sikowitz] Top left.

Vernay, top right.

Lafolo...

top right.

Washington?

-Hey!
-[Sikowitz] Top left.

[Rikerson] Chris, Fitzpatrick.

[Sikowitz] Jenkins. Move it.

[Rikerson] Left bunk two,
right bunk three.

[Sikowitz] Top right.

Smith, Green.

[inmate] I'm owed an apology.

Bottom left, top right.

Remember, upper hand, right away.

Establish dominance.

Got it.

Hapakuka, Dwight.

You're in here, bottom right, top left.

[guard] Uh, Kipness, top right.

[Sikowitz] Stewart, top left.

Top bunk, skinny.

He said bottom right.

Nope, that's my bed.
I've been here longer, and I'm not moving.

Do you have a problem with that?

-Well...
-Why don't you tell on me?

Everybody around here loves a snitch.

How do I even get up there?
I have bad knees.

Do I look like I give a shit?

Well, don't be a monster, Chapman.

She's a big girl.

Give her the bottom bunk, hmm?

Ah!

Aw, what happened? Did you hurt yourself?

What's that?

-An eight?
-It's infinity.

-It's infected.
-Really?

I have some rubbing alcohol.
Hold on a minute.

Do you think it looks tough?

I think it looks like an angry eight.

What can I tell you?

[Thorpe] King, you're in here.
[Judy] Oh.

I have you on top of Washington.

Are you Washington?

Hi, I'm Judy.

[inhales and exhales deeply]

Well, oh-- Okay, then.

-[chuckles]
-[Caputo] Hold up, uh, Miss King?

Miss King?

-Hey, there.
-Huh?

Me again. Uh, we met earlier.

-Mr. Caputo.
-Right.

Yes. Uh, there's been a mistake.

You shouldn't be in the ghet--

Get this, get that. Ge-- Um...

You shouldn't be in this dorm.

-[whispers] Taystee!
-[Caputo] Um...

So, we've assigned you somewhere else.

-Uh, please come with me.
-Oh, well, okay.

[chuckles] Bye.

[stammering] Wait, what...

Did nobody fuckin' see that?

Shalom.

Assalam-alaikum.

[whispers] Oh, fuck.

Where have you been?

-[smooching]
-Jesus! What the hell, girl?

[whispers] Sorry.
I've been in the forest. I--

I don't know if I'm in trouble or not.

I... ate... lead.

Girl, we've all eaten lead.

That's probably why
half of us are in here.

Whoa.

-The beds grew.
-Yeah.

[whispers] Maybe you were
better off in the forest.

Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't care. I am home.

And Kukudio? She is batshit crazy.

You don't say.

Exes.

What are you gonna do?

[snoring loudly]

[inmate crying]

Lolly.

Lolly, get up.
We gotta go take care of this.

What?

Our friend in the greenhouse? Get up.

The friend?

[gasps] Are we still in Green Bay?

[sighs]

Never mind. Just...

[whispers] go to sleep.

[woman crying]

[breathing heavily]

[Caputo] They left you in here alone?
Jesus Christ.

-What did you see?
-Nothing.

What did you see?

A Kardashian, maybe?

[sighs]

Stick with your first answer.

Maureen Kukudio.

Maureen Kukudio.

Let's learn a little bit about you.

Whoa.

Look at that.

[chuckles]

Who likes to be predictable, right?

[exhales sharply]

What am I gonna do with you,
Maureen Kukudio?

Send me to bed? But feed me first, then...

send me to bed?

-You ran away.
-Yeah, everyone ran away.

You extra ran away.

You guys were the ones
that took the fence down.

I... I got lost out there. I took shelter.

I almost froze to death.

-It's 78 degrees.
-I could've died

while under your watch.

What if the warden found out about this?

I am the warden.

Really?

A rose is a rose.

I like your... sunflower.

Get out. Go to bed.

No dinner.

Stay out of my sight.

[exhales]

Mmm.

[Coates] So, I thought
everything was cool, right?

-[Gerber] Mmm-hmm.
-But now every time I see her,

she's really mean to me.

Well, what'd you do?

Nothing.

I mean, our--
Our work schedules have changed,

and so we haven't been
seein' each other as much.

Maybe she's mad about that.

[Gerber] What does she do?

[Coates] She was a... trucker.

-[Gerber] Mmm-hmm.
-But, uh...

she had an accident,
so she's been taking some time off.

[Gerber] Well, look... if you're
having trouble talkin' to her in person,

just text her, man.

Maybe like...

-[breathes rapidly]
-[Aydin wheezing]

[Coates and Gerber continue indistinctly]

That's cute.

She'll like that. Chicks love baby faces.

Yeah.

She don't really text a whole lot.

[indistinct radio chatter]

Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.

-[radio chatter continues]
-[Aydin continues wheezing]

[Aydin whispering] Help.
[Gerber] Okay, uh, if I ever text you,

I'm just gonna use
letters and numbers.

-[Aydin wheezes]
-[Coates] That's cool.

But not the number 12, okay?

[wheezes]

[Coates] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Coates and Gerber
continue talking indistinctly]

[Aydin continues wheezing]

[cries softly]

[shudders]

[sobbing]

[Coates talking indistinctly]

[sobs]

[inhales sharply]

[whispering] Oh, my God.

[cries softly]

[loud snoring]

[gasps] What? What?

Rise and shine.

[whispers] What's going on?

-What time is it?
-3:30 a.m.

You wanted to feed the troops.
It's time for your shift.

But I don't start until 4:30.

Breakfast starts at 4:30 now,
more bodies to feed.

Get up.

Don't keep the people waiting.

[sighs]

Who's gonna eat at 4:30?

[slurping]

[indistinct talking]

[Healy] Capudog!

Where you goin'?

Home. Shower. Sleep.

Oh, sure.

Now that you're the big boss man,

you get to sleep all day
while the rest of us have to work, huh?

Pretty good life you got there, buddy.

Healy, Healy...

I had something
I needed to say to you. I--

Shit. My brain is not workin'.

Somethin' about the new inmates?

Guard walk-out?

Who told you about the guard walk-out?

I saw Maxwell at Jamba's.

Boy, she is one angry...

lady.

Talked my ear off.

Anyway, don't worry.

I'm brought up to speed.

Go change your suit.

Be the big dog. Woof!

[sighs]

Capudog!

Woof!

Hey! Morticia!

We gotta take care of some
non-plant matter in the greenhouse.

Do you get what I am saying?

You with me?

She's-- She's with me. We love gardening.

[Healy whistling]

[chuckles] Oh! Well...

Good morning, handsome.

I'm Judy King.

Sam Healy.

Ah. [chuckles]

[woman speaking indistinctly on PA]

-[Lolly gasps]
-[door closes]

What the fuck did you do?

Nice try.

It was self-defense.

He was killing me. We had no choice.

I'm bored. What's the plan?

Bury him under the floorboards.

Well, that's dumb.
Haven't you ever killed someone before?

No. Have you?

That's personal.

But if I had, I'd know better
than to waste my time

diggin' one 6-foot hole,
when I could dig six 1-foot holes.

That's just murder math.

What are you talking about?

Fuckin' amateurs.

It's got to go in the garden.

The earth's already soft
and dug and turned.

I am not cutting up a body.

[sighs]

[jingles keys]

I was supposed to
transplant the sunflowers today.

I'll keep these as a thank-you.

You gotta start
cutting along the joint line,

and whatever you do,
don't puncture the intestines.

That's it for the toast. Sorry, people.

-You've got to be kidding me.
-[inmate groans]

That's the only crunchy thing
we get today.

Without toast, this is just slop.

There's really no more toast?

These are new days.
The early bird gets the toast.

[Piper] Red...

you owe me for the Hawaiian.

[scoffs] You watchin' this shit?

Cleopatra was talkin' for reals.

Guess you can't judge a book, huh?

For you, Your Majesty.

Thank you.

[clears throat] After you, jefa.

Do I know you?

I just heard things.

You heard things.

Really?

Okay, then.

Have a nice day.

[rock music playing]

[inaudible]

[gags]

-[bone crunching]
-[Frieda grunting]

-[Lolly groans]
-[Frieda] Okay.

[inaudible]

[rock music ends]

The flowers look nice.

Well, I don't know about you,
but I'm starving.

[pop music playing]