Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,494
Mmm...
2
00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:09,939
HAWKEYE:
"Dear Dad, a lull...
3
00:01:09,939 --> 00:01:12,072
"at last, after almost three straight days
4
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,465
"of meatball surgery,
5
00:01:14,465 --> 00:01:16,728
"70 hours of sewing
kids together.
6
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,734
"If this keeps up, I was thinking of asking
7
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:25,041
"the army for a raise.
8
00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:26,608
"Either that or putting on some lipstick and earrings
9
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,958
"and get a discharge.
10
00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,699
"If war was hell
in Sherman's day,
11
00:01:30,699 --> 00:01:33,267
you can imagine
what it is now."
12
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,964
All right, retract that bowelso I can see something.
13
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:37,836
-Retractor.
-Retractor.
14
00:01:37,836 --> 00:01:39,577
Go.
15
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:41,579
-Ease up, Frank!-Well, hurry up, will ya?
16
00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,538
-Clamp.
-Clamp.
17
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:46,976
HAWKEYE: "The tension in the OR is always a foot thick.
18
00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,891
But we do our best
to cut through."
19
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:50,936
Anybody hear how
the game turned out?
20
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:52,677
Yeah, the Bears beat
the Packers 21 to 10.
21
00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:55,767
-I'm trying to concentrate.-Try the library.
22
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,030
-Longfingers?
-Longfingers.
23
00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,772
Can't we have somemilitary discipline in here?
24
00:02:00,772 --> 00:02:01,817
Good idea, Frank.
25
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,384
Lieutenant, throwout your chest.
26
00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:06,517
Why? It looks perfectly
all right to me.
27
00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:09,651
HAWKEYE: "If jokes seem sacrilegious in an operating room,
28
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:11,870
"I promise you they're a necessary defense
29
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,481
"against what
we get down here
30
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,047
at this end
of the draft board."
31
00:02:15,047 --> 00:02:17,049
Colonel Blake needs your help.
32
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,877
Frank, pull that backfor me, will you?
33
00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:20,879
-Okay, got it.
-All right.
34
00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:28,148
You ever thought of leavingyour behind to science?
35
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:31,194
"Henry Blake's a good doctor and a pretty good Joe.
36
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,414
"As a commanding officer, well, it's a bit like
37
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,720
"being on a sinking liner, running to the bridge
38
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,636
"and finding out the captain is Daffy Duck.
39
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:41,161
"But more about
'ol Henry later.
40
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,380
"Christmas here in Korea,
41
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:46,862
"as with you in Vermont, is soon upon us.
42
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:03,400
RADAR : The glee club meets in the mess tent at 0800 hours.
43
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,229
The first number on tonight's schedule is, uh,
44
00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,100
Father Mulcahy's solo,
45
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:11,016
"I'm Confessin'
That I Love You".
46
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:18,459
HAWKEYE: "Still, there is some effort to celebrate the idea
47
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:20,548
"of peace on earth,
48
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,680
even though there's shootin' in them thar hills."
49
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:31,298
"How far had Radar
O'Reilly gotten
50
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,996
"in my last letter to you?
51
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,476
"I think,
if I'm not mistaken,
52
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:38,261
"he had mailed the back seats by then.
53
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:40,785
"This week he's smuggling out the front seats.
54
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:47,488
"It took Trapper and me a while to figure out
what he was up to,
55
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:49,751
"until we did a fluoroscope of one of his packages,
56
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,975
"and found out he was
mailing a jeep home,
57
00:03:56,975 --> 00:03:59,326
piece by piece."
58
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,683
What's in the box?
59
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,119
Uh, toys for
the orphans, sir.
60
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:11,860
Oh, let me give
you a hand.
61
00:04:11,860 --> 00:04:14,210
Uh, would you,please, sir?
62
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:16,647
HAWKEYE: "Radar's not the first guy to do this, of course.
63
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,910
"It's an old army bit.
64
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,130
"I wouldn't be surprised if one of George Washington's soldiers
65
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:24,046
hadn't mailed home a horse one piece at a time."
66
00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:25,917
"Radar can't wait until he gets his discharge
67
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:27,832
"and tells his mailman back in Iowa
68
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:29,704
"that he actually delivered a whole jeep for him.
69
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:32,533
The guy'll probably have a retroactive hernia."
70
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:37,102
"Come to the mess tent with me, Dad,
71
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:39,888
"and I'll buy you
a cup of coffee.
72
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,503
MAN :
Due to the number of people bored last Sunday,
73
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:48,940
next Sunday will
be canceled.
74
00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:52,335
-Hiya, Radar.
-Hi.
75
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:03,564
It's looking good, Red.
76
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:05,653
Wait'll it's finished.
77
00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,528
Eight o'clock tonight,
right?
78
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:12,877
Make it nine.
79
00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:14,357
No sweat.
80
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:15,489
I'll be ready.
81
00:05:15,489 --> 00:05:16,881
That'll make two of us.
82
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,190
HAWKEYE: "There are certain rules in this man's army
83
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:23,932
"that are carried over from the year one.
84
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:26,804
"Thanks to these regulations, all of us know precisely what to do know what to do
85
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,764
in case we're ever attacked by the French or the Indians."
86
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:33,594
One ridiculous custom is the monthly lecture."
87
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:40,601
All right, people,
let's settle down.
88
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:45,127
Uh, this month's topic is, uh,"marital sex and the family."
89
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:48,260
-HAWKEYE: Louder, Henry.-"And the family."
90
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:50,045
The first part.
91
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:53,527
Marital sex.
92
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:54,963
Let's hear it for
this month's topic!
93
00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:03,188
Just hold it down, okay?
94
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:06,975
It's not actually necessarythat any of you officers bepresent.
95
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:10,108
Only enlisted personnelare required to attend.
96
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,632
Why should they knowmore than we do?
97
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,111
Yeah, I got a date tonight.
98
00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,678
I wanna learn
as much as I can.
99
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:21,076
Let's can the jokes.
I'd like to get right
down to the sex.
100
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:23,948
I mean, uh,
101
00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,472
the talk about the, uh...
102
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:26,908
what I'm supposed
to talk about.
103
00:06:26,908 --> 00:06:29,476
Radar, uncover the charts.
104
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,956
- Your pointer, sir.
- Thank you.
105
00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:36,613
Good luck, sir.
106
00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:42,010
They, uh... You start here...
107
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:47,232
- We've got your, uh,
man and your woman.
- Which is which?
108
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,625
The one withthe big hips is the man.
109
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:50,627
Can we have an end
to these comments?
110
00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:54,370
Some of us happen to begenuinely interestedin this subject.
111
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,198
I've devoted my life
to this subject.
112
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,766
At least a good many
of the nights.
113
00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:01,203
Dirty mind.
114
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:04,293
You know what they say--dirty mind, warm heart.
115
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:06,513
Uh, now...
116
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,863
Uh, we...
117
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,125
Excuse me.
118
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:14,695
The, uh, union
of Figure A-- man--
119
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:18,481
and, uh... Figure B...
120
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:21,658
uh... the, uh... woman...
121
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:28,273
is the most sublime expressionof, uh, romantic love.
122
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:31,189
However, only inthe institution of marriage
123
00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:35,063
is it recommended thatthis expression take place.
124
00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:37,282
-Sir!
-Mm-hmm?
125
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:38,849
What happens in the event that
126
00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:41,548
Figure A is attracted
to Figure B
127
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,158
and wants to get married,
128
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:46,727
but Figure A is alreadymarried to, say, Figure C,
129
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:50,034
and Figure B is engagedto Figure D,
130
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:52,036
but Figure A can't keephis hands off Figure B
131
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:55,518
because she's got
a great figure?
132
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:59,827
According to the army,he's got to forget her.
133
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:02,264
That figures.
134
00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:03,874
Okay, moving along now,
135
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:07,878
we come to the matter of,uh, family reproduction.
136
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:11,012
How it really happens.
137
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:15,973
How it all really happensis, uh... really, uh,
138
00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:18,846
one of nature's really
cute things, really.
139
00:08:20,935 --> 00:08:22,980
Uh, now first of all,
140
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,592
it is necessary
that these charts--
141
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:29,160
uh, that these
two married charts--
142
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,512
It is necessary that they, uh...
143
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:36,037
uh... uh, that they, uh...
144
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:39,997
- They what, sir?
- That they, uh...
145
00:08:39,997 --> 00:08:41,042
Dismissed.
146
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:44,915
Bravo! Bravo!
147
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,091
Encore! Yay!
148
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,224
Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake,ladies and gentlemen!
149
00:08:58,015 --> 00:09:01,192
-10:00 tonight?
-Make it 11.
150
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:08,635
Yo! Hawk!
151
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:13,030
MAN :
The following men
have volunteered
152
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:16,077
for this afternoon's 10-mile physical fitness hike--
153
00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:27,697
HAWKEYE: "To bring you up to date on my co-pilot, Trapper,
154
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:30,004
"as I wrote you earlier, he's developed a thriving,
155
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,963
"very lucrative private practice on the side over here.
156
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:35,923
"On a good day he collects about 50 or 60 smiles,
157
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,839
"The kind you never forget."
158
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:40,405
They're gettin' too hip.
159
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:46,542
That didn't hurt, did it?
160
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:53,027
Hey.
161
00:09:58,032 --> 00:09:59,860
HAWKEYE:
"Whenever the locals want help, invariably,
162
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:02,602
it's Trapper John McIntyre
they turn to."
163
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,081
Whatever it is,
it's urgent.
164
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:07,302
--Okay, okay.
165
00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:09,173
-You take care of the kids.I'll be back.-Okay.
166
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:10,958
HAWKEYE: "Last week he performed a service that really
167
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,524
set him up
with the townies."
168
00:10:18,052 --> 00:10:19,662
"He helped with
a delivery that added
169
00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:22,099
"one more precious life to the village--
170
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:24,711
"a bouncing baby veal
for which service
171
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:27,322
"the doctor received one gallon of mother's milk.
172
00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:33,502
"Father Mulcahy is stringing popcorn all over the place
173
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:36,679
"in an attempt
to give this cesspool
a yuletide look.
174
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,942
"He's a terrific guy,
our priest.
175
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,509
"But I never tell him, 'cause I don't want
176
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:42,119
"to foul up his humility.
177
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:43,643
"I can tell you this.
178
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,601
"I don't envy him
this parish.
179
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:47,385
At least I didn't
last Wednesday."
180
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:50,562
-Pierce?
-Yes, ma'am.
181
00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:53,435
I'm here to relieve you.
182
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,611
You do resemble an enema.
183
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:57,091
You're beat, Captain.
184
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:58,570
I suggest you hit
the sack this afternoon,
185
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:00,529
instead of chasing nurses.
186
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,965
A good idea, Frank,but some of those girls
187
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,619
have been waitingfor months.
188
00:11:03,619 --> 00:11:05,186
Well, whatever you do,
I want to see you shaved
189
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,404
the next time I see you.
190
00:11:06,404 --> 00:11:07,667
I shaved this morning.
191
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,755
Well, shave again,
and this time,
192
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:10,800
take one step
closer to the razor.
193
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,107
Oh, very good!
194
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:15,892
Frank, you are tenof the most boring peopleI know.
195
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:28,426
-Klinger?
-Sir?
196
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:29,776
Where did you get that?
197
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,081
Nurse McCarthy
gave it to me, sir.
198
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:32,256
I'm talking aboutthat bandanna.
199
00:11:32,256 --> 00:11:33,649
Oh, that's my good luck.
200
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,911
My ma give me this
when I shipped out.
201
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,347
Well, take it off.
202
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,654
-Oh, sir, I--
-I want that bandanna!
203
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,264
I'll have my ma
send you one.
204
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:43,224
Soldier!You're out of uniform.
205
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,661
Sir, the nurse said
to get these to the lab.
206
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,881
A nurse said?
207
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:50,187
You're placing me
under a nurse?
208
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:51,667
You said it, I didn't.
209
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:52,799
Stop!
210
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,105
You see what you did?
211
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:56,454
-Fellas, fellas--
-Me?
212
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:57,978
What, are you crazy?
213
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,544
No, wait! No!
214
00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:15,125
Come on, guys!
Come on!
215
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:16,126
Break this up!
216
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,606
Klinger! Klinger!
217
00:12:17,606 --> 00:12:18,955
Just before prayer--
218
00:12:29,531 --> 00:12:30,837
What are you crazy?
219
00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:32,099
Go on, scram!
220
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,448
Scram! Get out of here!
221
00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:41,325
What's going on, Father?
222
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:42,979
Shh, shh, shh.
223
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,894
He's exhausted.
224
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,374
Okay.
225
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,854
Where's the guy
that exhausted him?
226
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:50,334
Let me take care of it.
227
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:51,727
Please?
228
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:56,036
I'm not even Catholic.
229
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:58,212
Would you like to be?
230
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,015
Can I see you,
Corporal Klinger?
231
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,974
Not now, father.I gotta see the major.
232
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:23,324
-Is that a grenade?-That's what it is, father.
233
00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:25,021
A live grenade?
234
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:26,457
I thought I'd stick it
in the major's ear
235
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:29,547
-and find out.
-Give it to me.
236
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,114
Don't touch me,
or you're gonna be
237
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:33,029
a lot of little priests.
238
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:36,554
-Klinger.
-He broke the bottles.
239
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:39,906
The nurse wanted 'em
in the lab.
240
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:42,996
I can't take this off!Something'll happen to me.
241
00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:46,477
-Klinger?
-Stop.
242
00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:50,133
Another step,and I'll take us both out.
243
00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:52,919
He's tired.
244
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,746
We're all tired.
245
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:57,097
You're tired, too?
246
00:13:57,097 --> 00:13:59,403
I can't get to sleep...
247
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:02,189
unless I count
sacrificial sheep.
248
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:06,758
Give me the grenade.
249
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,238
Please?
250
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:13,722
Can I keep my bandanna?
251
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:17,117
I guarantee it.
252
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:24,994
It's from my ma,
you know.
253
00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,648
She said never
take it off.
254
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,868
No reason why
you should.
255
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,826
None at all.
256
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:32,045
Something like this,
I just...
257
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:33,960
Corporal Klinger,
I understand.
258
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,448
MAN : Attention, all personnel.
259
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,842
When filling out
GI insurance forms,
260
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,975
be sure to state
your age and sex
261
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:51,325
at the time of
your last birthday.
262
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,636
HAWKEYE: "Our nurses are a great bunch of girls.
263
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,160
"Never a complaint,
264
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,510
"and they work their
lovely bottoms off.
265
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:06,166
"Being so far from home at Christmas is kinda
rough on them.
266
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,951
"I've certainly done my share to keep up their morale.
267
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,736
"But I've only got
two hands.
268
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,782
"One lady in our outfit who has no problem at all
269
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:16,089
with her spare time
is our chief nurse,
270
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:18,352
"Hot Lips Houlihan.
271
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:20,745
"The major is a paradox.
272
00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:22,530
"A woman of
considerable passion,
273
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:25,533
"she is also a stickler for military correctness.
274
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:27,491
"I wouldn't mind making a grab for her myself,
275
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:29,058
"but I don't know
how to do that
276
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:32,453
"and salute her
at the same time.
277
00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:34,237
"As I've written you, Frank Burns and Hot Lips
278
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:36,109
"have been an item
over here ever since
279
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:39,503
"they both laid their beady little eyes on each other.
280
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,375
"They think no one's wise, but the only one over here
281
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,942
"who doesn't know
about their romance
282
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,945
"is General MacArthur's pipe-stuffer.
283
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,643
"Frank plays it very cool at all times.
284
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:53,169
"He and Hot Lips had a date the other night.
285
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:56,172
But it was the last thing Frank would admit."
286
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:58,479
Uh, going outtonight, Frank?
287
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,091
Just to stretch my legs.
288
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:14,843
Ugh! What's that?
289
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,281
It's French.
290
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:21,502
Oh, no wonder yousmell like a snail.
291
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,547
Ha-ha.
292
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,375
HAWKEYE:
"What neither Frank
nor Hot Lips knows
293
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,334
"is that earlier
in the afternoon,
294
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:29,814
"while they were off picking berries or whatever,
295
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,861
"Trapper and I stopped by her tent.
296
00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:45,700
"We spent a few minutes getting the place ready
297
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:47,658
"for their date that night.
298
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:50,270
It turned into some
enchanted evening."
299
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,892
Three guesses.
300
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,241
General MacArthur?
301
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,462
Clark Gable?
302
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,119
-Dr. Schweitzer?
-Right!
303
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,468
All three times.
304
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,252
-Frank!
-Margaret!
305
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,911
-Frank, don't make any marks.-Uh-uh.
306
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,221
Frank, we've got hours.
307
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:30,223
That's right.
308
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,268
Let the others get theirs.
309
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:36,011
To go, Frank.
Hours to go.
310
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,839
Oh!
311
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,711
Of course.
312
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:48,893
Gee, it, uh,
all looks so nice.
313
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:51,635
You've got golden hands,
Margaret.
314
00:17:57,337 --> 00:18:00,514
Did you, uh...hear the rumor
315
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:03,038
that peace talksmight be starting?
316
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:08,217
Don't even think it.
317
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:13,657
Oh, Frank, the candle!
318
00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:14,919
We may be throwing shadows!
319
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,486
Right...
320
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,280
Frank?
321
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:37,768
Somebody's been
fooling with this.
322
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,205
It's a gag candle!
323
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:40,945
Oh, why can't peopleleave us alone?
324
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:44,514
Hey, you'd think they
were all my wife!
325
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:47,082
Oh, Frank!
326
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,826
Oh, I'm sorry,
Margaret, I--
327
00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:55,830
F-Forget that I said that.
I did not say that.
328
00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:58,267
I didn't hear you
say a thing.
329
00:19:05,448 --> 00:19:08,973
Someone sawed
through these legs!
330
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:12,107
There's pudding
in the pillow.
331
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:19,027
Oh, I'm gonna get them
for this!
332
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:21,116
I'll get 'em all!
333
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:24,728
Each and every dirty--
334
00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:29,690
Oh, Frank!
335
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,128
Oh, I'll get them!I'll get them!
336
00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,872
I'll get them for thisif it's the last--
337
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:44,226
Goodnight, Trapper.
338
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:46,489
Goodnight, Hawkeye.
339
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:52,669
MAN : A reminder that the 4077 Christmas party
340
00:19:52,669 --> 00:19:54,628
for the Korean children in the area
341
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:57,718
will be held today
at 1400 hours.
342
00:19:57,718 --> 00:20:00,024
So everyone turn out
to meet the kids.
343
00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:01,722
Santa will be there, too.
344
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:04,420
We can only hope
he's sober.
345
00:20:12,428 --> 00:20:14,778
Excuse me, sirs.
346
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,999
Would you hold this,
please?
347
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,483
Uh... Pierce?
348
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,790
Pierce?
349
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:28,705
Captain Pierce!
350
00:20:28,705 --> 00:20:31,012
Pierce, are you crazy?
351
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,970
It was a Christmas present.
352
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,755
If you'd like, I could
do it into a stocking.
353
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,670
Why, you--
354
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:40,064
You are a moral degenerate!
355
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:42,589
Me? A moral degenerate?
356
00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:44,112
Santa Claus?
357
00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,070
Ho-ho-ho-ho-
ho-ho-ho-ho.
358
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:49,770
Margaret, are-are youall right?
359
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,686
I'm fine, Frank.
Fine...
360
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,731
Oh, the man's a beast!An animal.
361
00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:58,648
Yeah...
Every bit of him.
362
00:21:03,784 --> 00:21:06,874
What's the idea givingHot Lips mouth-to-mouthresuscitation?
363
00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:09,442
I was getting a culture
for the lab.
364
00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:10,965
Any good?
365
00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:12,793
I think if we could
get her away from Frank,
366
00:21:12,793 --> 00:21:14,490
she could become
a major kisser.
367
00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:16,231
That's whatshe's doing now.
368
00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:18,277
Oh, yeah.
369
00:21:19,495 --> 00:21:21,280
How am I gonna get
this thing off?
370
00:21:26,154 --> 00:21:28,330
You realize if
my father sees this,
371
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:29,853
you'll have to marry me.
372
00:21:29,853 --> 00:21:31,377
I wouldn't marry youfor five dollars.
373
00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:34,597
How's our house?
374
00:21:39,733 --> 00:21:43,127
-Standing room only.
-Great!
375
00:21:43,127 --> 00:21:45,869
Okay, help me
with my bag, okay?
376
00:21:49,003 --> 00:21:50,570
I gotta see you.
377
00:21:50,570 --> 00:21:51,701
You'll have to get in
line, little fella.
378
00:21:51,701 --> 00:21:53,224
Santa can'tplay favorites.
379
00:21:53,224 --> 00:21:55,531
Hold it!
Radar, where's that--
380
00:21:55,531 --> 00:21:58,578
There's an infantry squadpinned down on Hill 28,20 miles up.
381
00:21:58,578 --> 00:22:00,884
They're caughtin heavy crossfire.
382
00:22:00,884 --> 00:22:03,322
Their corporal's been hit badand needs cutting prontoif he's gonna make it.
383
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,975
-HAWKEYE: How do I get there?-Chopper's waiting.
384
00:22:04,975 --> 00:22:07,500
-Here you go, Santa.-Wait a minute-- I'll go.
385
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,850
No, it's a chest wound.
It better be Pierce.
386
00:22:09,850 --> 00:22:11,112
If there's an extra nurseon the bottom,
387
00:22:11,112 --> 00:22:12,592
-save her for me.
-You betcha.
388
00:22:16,117 --> 00:22:18,119
Hey!
389
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,339
If I don't see you...
390
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,166
Merry Christmas.
391
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:24,473
Tell me when
you see me.
392
00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:34,744
HAWKEYE: "'Tis the day before Christmas, Dad,
393
00:22:34,744 --> 00:22:37,094
"and I'd much rather
be in the house.
394
00:22:37,094 --> 00:22:38,661
"Just too many creatures stirring around here
395
00:22:38,661 --> 00:22:41,055
"for my comfort.
396
00:22:41,055 --> 00:22:42,709
"Frankly, the last thing I figured when
397
00:22:42,709 --> 00:22:44,580
"I went to med school
was winding up
398
00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:47,844
"flying into battle dressed as Kriss Kringle.
399
00:22:47,844 --> 00:22:49,455
"But then all
those kids down there
400
00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:51,326
are in the last place they ever figured."
401
00:23:28,102 --> 00:23:30,539
Holy cow!
402
00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:39,330
And you said there wasno Santa Claus, huh?
403
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:20,110
"PS, Dad, I almost forgot to wish you Merry Christmas
404
00:24:20,110 --> 00:24:21,111
"from everyone at MASH.
405
00:24:21,111 --> 00:24:25,072
"Trapper McIntyre...
406
00:24:25,072 --> 00:24:27,378
"Henry Blake...
407
00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:32,383
"Even Frank Burns.
408
00:24:32,383 --> 00:24:33,950
"Hot Lips Houlihan...
409
00:24:35,517 --> 00:24:39,434
"Future used-car dealer, Radar O'Reilly...
410
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:43,133
"Ginger Bayliss...
411
00:24:43,133 --> 00:24:46,223
"Father Mulcahy...
412
00:24:46,223 --> 00:24:48,399
"Corporal Klinger...
413
00:24:48,399 --> 00:24:52,012
"All the ladies
of the ensemble...
414
00:24:52,012 --> 00:24:54,057
"And of course me.
415
00:24:54,057 --> 00:24:55,668
"Your loving son,
416
00:24:55,668 --> 00:24:59,019
"and unsuccessful
draft dodger...
417
00:24:59,019 --> 00:25:00,847
"Hawkeye."
29709
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof