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1
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,878
MAN ON P.A.: Attention, all personnel!
2
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,011
All shifts report
to Operating Room.
3
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:57,274
All shifts,
on the double.
4
00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:59,276
Attention,
all personnel.
5
00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:01,365
All shifts report
to Operating Room.
6
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:04,064
All shifts,
on the double.
7
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:11,158
Come on, take a card.
8
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,597
All right, come on,make a play will ya?
9
00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,468
Now, hold your colon, Doc.
Oh, let's see.
10
00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,905
You were, uh, saving queens
and throwing spades, right?
11
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:24,519
Gin!
12
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,737
That's 470,000 you owe me.
13
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:27,304
Will you take a check?
14
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:29,306
Oh, I'm sorry.
15
00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:31,613
Excuse me, doctors.
I wasn't looking.
16
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,528
I'm doing enough
looking for us both.
17
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:34,616
Hey, you wanna
try that again?
18
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:35,878
Two out of three falls?
19
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,532
I, uh, don't believewe've met.
20
00:01:37,532 --> 00:01:39,403
What are you doing
after the war?
21
00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,101
Hey, wait a minute!
22
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:52,851
Okay, there it is.
23
00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:53,939
Yeah.
24
00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:01,033
Is he out?
25
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,992
The switch is off.Any time you're ready.
26
00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:05,299
-Right, nurse?
-Yes, Doctor?
27
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,735
That's "Yes, Doctor, darling."
28
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:08,128
Yes, Doctor, darling.
29
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,346
Stand by with a clamp.
30
00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:11,522
Ugly John, give mea reading on his pulse?
31
00:02:11,522 --> 00:02:12,741
68 and steady.
32
00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:15,961
Okay. Scalpel.Hey, I like that.
33
00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,572
Very good slap in there.Good.
34
00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:21,576
All right,let me have the, uh--
35
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:24,361
-Scissors.
-Terrific.
36
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:28,539
-Sponge.
-Sponge.
37
00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:33,022
-Pick-ups.
-Pick-ups.
38
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:35,416
-Kiss.
-What?
39
00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:38,114
Surprise me.
40
00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,116
Make a note of that.
I want him put on report.
41
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,683
Disrespectful behavior.
42
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,859
She's a new one.I'll take care of her.
43
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,513
Ah, we workvery well together.
44
00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:47,079
Why don't we get a fewcasualties of our own
45
00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:48,690
and we can go into businessfor ourselves?
46
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:54,696
So did you have to
immobilize the duodenum?
47
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:55,827
Yeah, I thoughtthere might be
48
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,351
a retroperitonealperforation.
49
00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,222
There was a large
hematoma in the area.
50
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,050
-Yeah.-Do you two wanna be alone?
51
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,052
Yeah, but not necessarily
with each other.
52
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:06,316
-No, really, I can move.-I'll say you can.
53
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,406
Pay no mindto my friend here.
54
00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:11,408
He majored in crudenessat med school.
55
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:12,931
Med school?Listen, before I was drafted,
56
00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,498
I was a transmission
mechanic.
57
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:15,847
If you're free later
this afternoon,
58
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,501
I'll be glad to put
you up on my lift.
59
00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:21,026
Nurse Cutler,
report to my office!
60
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,376
-CUTLER: Now?
-Now.
61
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,378
Yes, sir.I mean, yes, ma'am.
62
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:25,857
Dismissed.
63
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:27,119
Well, at least she
didn't have any trouble
64
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:28,643
figuring out your sex.
65
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:30,645
My sex is noneof your business.
66
00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,690
Just say the word.
67
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:35,084
You stay awayfrom my nurses!
68
00:03:35,084 --> 00:03:36,781
They're off limits to you.That's an order!
69
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:38,609
I think she's trying
to tell us something.
70
00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,350
You can forgetabout Nurse Cutler.
71
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:43,571
-I'll see to that.-That's your basic Hot Lips.
72
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,399
I knew a girl like her
back in my hometown.
73
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:46,661
Her name was Rover.
74
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:49,968
Well, look, pal,I don't know about you,
75
00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,840
but twelve straight hoursof surgery has me whipped.
76
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,668
I'm gonna sack outfor a few weeks.
77
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:55,409
My very thought.
78
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:57,846
I'm so tired, my eyes
keep slamming shut.
79
00:03:57,846 --> 00:03:59,282
I'm going to checkon some X-rays first,
80
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:00,457
then I'll see youback at the swamp?
81
00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:02,677
Gotcha.
82
00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:52,248
For me?
83
00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:54,206
Only if you'll put those on.
84
00:04:55,686 --> 00:04:57,384
That was a pretty
short nap, wasn't it?
85
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,299
I thought you were
going to bed for a week.
86
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,736
I was, but I didn'tsay where, did I?
87
00:05:01,736 --> 00:05:03,433
What about you?
88
00:05:03,433 --> 00:05:05,522
This is strictly business.
I'm making a house call.
89
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,525
It must be obvious
90
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,440
even to a moral
defective like yourself
91
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,616
that we're both zeroed in
on the same girl.
92
00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:13,835
-Right?
-Right.
93
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,010
Only I have
a solution.
94
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:17,404
Ahem. We'll share her.
95
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:19,449
One girl, two straws.
96
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:22,104
You take the day watch,and I'll take the night.
97
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:26,761
Unpacking?
Let us help.
98
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:28,153
We're awfully gladyou picked our unit.
99
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:29,720
We're not as largeas some of the others,
100
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,548
-but we are friendly.
-Very friendly.
101
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,681
Actually, we never meta nurse we didn't like.
102
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,683
-Doctors, I---Look, why don't we givethis to the bell boy,
103
00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:37,032
and let us just
go down to the river
104
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:38,425
and watch
the submarine races?
105
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:39,817
I have a better idea.
106
00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,123
Why don't yougo down to the river
107
00:05:41,123 --> 00:05:42,646
and watch us wavegood-bye to you.
108
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:45,040
I am not unpacking.
109
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,085
-I'm packing.
-All mixed up.
110
00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,826
Doesn't know whether
she's coming or going.
111
00:05:48,826 --> 00:05:50,175
Darling, packingis for leaving.
112
00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:51,786
To stay, you have to "un".
113
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:54,310
I've been transferred
to another unit.
114
00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:56,486
-Transferred?
-Major Houlihan says
115
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:58,140
I'm a bit of a distraction.
116
00:05:58,140 --> 00:05:59,837
What a rotten thing to say!
117
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:01,839
Yeah, you're anincredible distraction.
118
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,406
We're not giving you up.
119
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,407
You're the best thingto hit this place
120
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:06,148
since dry socks.
121
00:06:06,148 --> 00:06:08,019
Well, what can I
do about it?
122
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:11,066
You put yourself
in our hands.
123
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:13,242
Actually, these goon your legs...
124
00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:14,809
would 'twerethat I were they.
125
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:31,478
-Thank you, Radar.
-Sign these, sir.
126
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:35,307
-What are these?
-Papers.
127
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,484
-Blank papers?
-Yes, sir.
128
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,529
-Is that a good idea?
-It's to cut down
on your workload.
129
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:42,793
You sign them now, later,
you don't have to bother.
130
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:45,361
But should I have reallysigned blank papers?
131
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:46,754
I can't answer that, sir.
132
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:47,929
You're the one
that signed them.
I didn't.
133
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:49,626
-Hold on, Radar.
134
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,019
I'm not going to sign
blank pieces of paper.
135
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:52,890
4077 MASH.
136
00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:54,588
I don't even know
what I'm signing
when they're not blank.
137
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:56,154
Oh, hi. Uh-huh.
138
00:06:56,154 --> 00:06:58,461
Papers, double-talk.
Sign this, sign that.
139
00:06:58,461 --> 00:07:01,595
Pretty good.Well, it's a little roughbut we're not complaining.
140
00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:03,335
Could be signing it
for the next four years.
141
00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:04,336
Yeah, he's here.It's for you.
142
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:05,990
Blank paper!
Well, who is it?
143
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:09,820
-It's General Barker.-Who? General-- Yes, sir!
144
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,431
Oh, fine, General.
145
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,868
A little rough, but, uh,we're not complaining.
146
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:16,827
Yes, sir. A what?
147
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:19,221
A boxing tournament?
148
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,875
Well, sir, the main sportin this outfit
149
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:23,834
is avoiding calisthenics.
150
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:27,403
No, sir. Yes, sir,I'll do my best.
151
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:28,970
Uh, will that be all, General?
152
00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:30,188
-Say good-bye for me.
-Hmm?
153
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:31,276
Say good-bye for me?
154
00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:34,062
Oh, uh, Radar saysto say, uh--
155
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:35,890
Uh, good-bye, General.
156
00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,633
I have enough to do.
157
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:43,375
Well, well, Dr. Jekylland Dr. Jekyll.
158
00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:45,073
Henry, we gotta
ask you something.
159
00:07:45,073 --> 00:07:47,815
-Answer's no.-Don't you wanna knowwhat it is?
160
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:51,514
Whatever it is, even ifthe answer's yes, it's no.
161
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:54,212
Hot Lips has transferred
Lt. Margie Cutler,
162
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,476
one of our most dedicated
and best-built nurses.
163
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,216
Now, hold it right there.
164
00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,653
Major Houlihanis in complete chargeof the nursing staff,
165
00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,742
and I can't interfere.
166
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:05,136
The young lady happens
to be a sensational
surgical assistant.
167
00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:07,008
-She's got two of the best...-I'm sure.
168
00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:11,273
hands I've ever seen.
Don't let her go, Henry.
169
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,449
Real talent in
the operating room
is hard to find.
170
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:16,234
I know.
171
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:19,934
If you say no,we'll tell everybody thatyour brother's in jail.
172
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,718
My brother is a warden!
173
00:08:21,718 --> 00:08:24,460
We won't say
that part.
174
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:26,506
Now lay off!
175
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:29,770
Haven't I got enough staticwith General Barker on my back?
176
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,815
-What's he want?-Yeah, maybe we can help.
177
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:34,862
No, you can't help.
178
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,733
I mean, there's nothing
that you could contribute
179
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:38,300
to this particular problem.
180
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,563
-Ah! I detect a gleam.
-I heard a loud click.
181
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,783
Yeah, one could almost
see the light bulb
over his head.
182
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:44,349
Come on, speak, Henry.
Speak. What is it?
183
00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:45,481
Yeah?
184
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:46,569
Okay.
185
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,179
General Barker
is all hot
186
00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:50,312
about this inter-unit
boxing tournament.
187
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:53,184
-Yeah?
-And he wants us
to put up a boxer.
188
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,230
Now, that's funny.
189
00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:57,145
Maybe we could make oneout of spare parts.
190
00:08:57,145 --> 00:09:00,409
He's serious,
and he's giving me
a bad time about it.
191
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:02,716
Yeah, so why don't you getwhoever fought last year?
192
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,761
I can't. She's gone.
193
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:09,287
Anyway, Barker'sgot this boy,
194
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:10,158
thinks he can winthe championship.
195
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:11,812
-Yeah.
-So?
196
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:13,640
So, he's bringing him herefor his first fight.
197
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,945
Mm-hmm.
198
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:18,558
Now, if, uh,one of you two guys
199
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:22,170
would say, uh,go three rounds with him,
200
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,475
I'll see what I can do
201
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:24,564
about gettingNurse Cutler back for ya.
202
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:31,788
-See ya around, Henry.
-Yeah.
203
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,268
You sure?
204
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:34,791
Yeah, oh, I think
we'll just find something
205
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,488
nice and easy to do,
like shagging shells.
206
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,537
Ah, just a thought.
207
00:09:43,757 --> 00:09:44,801
Some war.
208
00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,250
Bye, doctors.
209
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:08,216
Thanks a lot,
Hot Lips.
210
00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:12,176
-Hey, do that again.
-What?
211
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,614
-Smack your fist.
-You mean that?
212
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,311
It hurts my ears.What a punch!
213
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:18,487
-Save it.
-Save what?
214
00:10:18,487 --> 00:10:20,445
Don't hustle me,
'cause I'm not
fightin' anybody.
215
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:22,491
Oh, that's a shame.I bet you're a natural.
216
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,885
I fought in school.
As a matter of fact,
I was very good.
217
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,800
-There, I knew it!
-But I'm not in shape!
218
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,584
Who says you're notin shape?
219
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,630
You got a cute body.
220
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:33,371
I've seen guys sneaking peeksat you at calisthenics.
221
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:37,462
Which guys are
sneakin' peeks at me?
222
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:40,640
I'd rather not say.Some of them are married.
223
00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,819
Look, stop snowing me.
224
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,603
-You fight him.
-I'd love to.
225
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,518
I was on the boxing teamin college, too.
226
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:51,259
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah, but I, uh,
227
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:53,217
I threw my-- I threwmy shoulder out.
228
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:55,567
It never came back.
229
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,569
Actually, I'm in pain
most of the time.
230
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,354
I don't like to
burden my friends.
231
00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:03,488
Look, do we wanna get
Nurse Cutler back or not?
232
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:05,316
-Yes.
-All right, okay.
233
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:14,282
You really got
a bad shoulder?
234
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:17,502
The result of being spineless.
235
00:11:20,984 --> 00:11:22,856
So wait a minute,I don't know about this, doc.
236
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:24,422
What do you mean?
237
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:25,859
Well I mean, he's got
a manager and everything.
238
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:27,730
-I don't have...
-Ah, come on, Radar!
239
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:30,864
It's just a little sparring.Nobody's gonna get hurt.
240
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:33,214
No, I'm not gonna do it.
Not for a lousy five bucks.
241
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,912
-How about ten?
-Pay up now?
242
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:39,611
All right,
come on, now look,
243
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,352
this is just
a practice fight.
244
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:42,527
I want you to get loose.
245
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,530
Just keep
dancing around.
246
00:11:47,315 --> 00:11:48,708
Keep your left up!
247
00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:52,537
Jab, jab, jab, Trap! Jab!
248
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,064
He's just
loosening up now.
249
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,195
You know,
he's gotta get in shape.
250
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:03,679
Takes a while,
you know, to...
251
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,550
get back in shape,
get your old stuff back.
252
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:07,248
He's gotta get his
wind back and everything.
253
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:09,946
I'll write his wife.
254
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,471
Don't listen to him.
Just keep moving.
255
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:14,559
Keep hanging in there.
256
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:18,563
Keep your left up. Up!
Up with the left.
257
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:23,220
Move, Trapper.
Oh, hi, Father.
258
00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:27,529
I trained a number of boys
to box back home.
259
00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:28,965
Any advice for Trapper?
260
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:33,970
Prayer.
261
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:37,887
I don't think he's got one.
262
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:40,760
Thanks a lot, Father.
263
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,854
Once again?
Double or nothing?
264
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:50,508
A glass stomach?
265
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:10,964
Let's go!Kick those legs up!
266
00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:14,706
Breathe deeply!Come on, move it!
267
00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:16,883
I'm tired, Hawkeye.
How far have I run?
268
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:20,756
-30 feet.
-That'll do it.
269
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:23,541
I'm going to punch him,not run him to death.
270
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:31,245
HAWKEYE:Now put more shoulder into it.Use your whole body.
271
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,464
Try it again, try it again.
272
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:34,683
Oh, morning, Major.
273
00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:38,078
Good morning, Captain.
274
00:13:38,078 --> 00:13:39,644
I'm afraid I can't
ask you to stay.
275
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,124
My boy's in training,
276
00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,212
and he's not even supposedto look at a woman
277
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:43,735
till after the fight.
278
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:46,869
Oh. Oh, I understand.
279
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:52,788
Just a minute.
Isn't that Frank's bag?
280
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:54,659
I thought you
were Frank's bag.
281
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,011
Ugh!
282
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,459
How's it going?
283
00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:13,243
We decided to havea victory drink now,
284
00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:15,724
just in case there'sno need to later.
285
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:17,247
Care to join us?
286
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:20,294
Oh, yeah.
287
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:23,340
Anything wrong?
288
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:26,126
Uh, General Barker justpulled in with his fighter.
289
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:28,955
-Looks real big.
-How big?
290
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:32,828
If he wanted to,
he could be a platoon.
291
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:34,221
Looks kinda mean, too.
292
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,700
Mean?
293
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:43,752
What does "mean" mean?
Mean means nothing.
294
00:14:43,752 --> 00:14:45,406
It's skill that counts.
295
00:14:45,406 --> 00:14:46,973
Big and mean have nothingto do with fighting ability.
296
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:50,106
A guy told me that
he was crossing the road,
297
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:53,196
and this jeep came
too close to him.
298
00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:55,895
He punched it.
299
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,157
He punched a jeep?
300
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:59,463
He knocked it out.
301
00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:02,292
Hawkeye, this guy
knocks out jeeps!
302
00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:04,904
Showboat. Come on.
303
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:24,706
I'll tell you one thing,
you're not getting into
the ring with that guy
304
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:26,316
until I hear him speak.
305
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:29,929
This fighthas just been calledon account of chicken.
306
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,322
We are not going to
throw in the towel.
307
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,716
I'm ready to throw ina whole laundry truck.
308
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:44,726
This ape will never
lay a glove on you.
309
00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:46,641
Trust me.
310
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:48,730
You won't even
have to touch him.
311
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,601
I'll go down duringthe instructions.
312
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,778
A little obvious.
313
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:57,391
I got a better idea.
Come on.
314
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,572
I don't think
I wanna risk my life
315
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:06,443
on a dumb trick like this.
316
00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:08,445
I know what I'm doing.
317
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:10,926
I pulled this same
stunt in university.
318
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:12,275
Use more. Use a lot.
319
00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,669
I still say we should
use a horseshoe.
320
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:17,715
A horseshoe is gauche.Ether is subtle.
321
00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:20,718
Then let's dip
the horseshoe in ether.
322
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:22,242
Right.
323
00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:24,592
Now, the thing you gotta do,Trapper, is you gotta jab.
324
00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:26,159
Right? Keep jabbing.
325
00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,595
Jab, jab, jabbing. Right?
326
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,292
Six, seven whiffs,
he'll be out cold.
327
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:30,815
-Great.
-Right?
328
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:32,382
And the thing to remember
329
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:33,993
is not to get it near
your own hooter, right?
330
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,472
Don't get it nearyour own nose or you're dead.
331
00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:36,996
Get him in a clinch, right?
332
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,693
That's it. That's it.Get him in a clinch.
333
00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:40,390
-And just hold it there.-Hold it right in his nose.
334
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:41,957
Get him in a clinchso he can't move.
335
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,785
-How is the guy gonna---He's gonna inhale it.
336
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:45,047
He'll never knowwhat hit him.
337
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,483
Just keep it right thereat his nose.
338
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,355
Keep him in the clinch,so he can't move.
339
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:49,704
And all he can do then is...
340
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:54,013
Way to go, champ!
341
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,798
HENRY: Third round,
Sugar Ray breaks
the man's face.
342
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:58,060
HAWKEYE:You're kidding.
343
00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,714
He broke his nose,
broke his jaw, antrums,
344
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,411
ethmoid, sinuses,
the guy's a mess.
345
00:17:01,411 --> 00:17:03,152
Gentlemen, may I join you?
346
00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:04,632
Please, Frank,not while we're eating.
347
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:07,156
-What kidders.
-Well, what happened?
348
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:09,202
-The guy never went down.-He never went down?
349
00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:10,159
Ten-hut!
350
00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:12,118
BARKER:
As you were.
351
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:15,338
McIntyre, I don't
believe you've met
Sergeant Flacker.
352
00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:23,999
Easy.
353
00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:26,001
Me, doctor.
354
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,437
Need hands...
355
00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:28,525
operate.
356
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,356
Hey, Henry, can we
rustle up some steaks
357
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,837
-for the sergeant, huh?-Oh, yes, sir.
358
00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:37,708
Good. Come on.
Come on, boy.
359
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,277
You better hurry up, Henry.
360
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,757
He looked at your armlike it was an hors d'oeuvre.
361
00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:46,587
Yeah, Dittsbury,
you wanna go out
and get Flacker a cow?
362
00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:49,068
Listen, are you sure thatNurse Cutler's worth it?
363
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,244
I mean, I really don't
want you to get hurt.
364
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:52,984
Hurt?
365
00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:54,377
What would you say,
Henry, if I told you
366
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:56,292
that Trapper isgonna win that fight?
367
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:04,648
All right, okay.Down, Henry, down.
368
00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,781
I'm sorry!
369
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:09,827
But you mean Trapper
beat that gorilla?
370
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:15,268
That's ether.
371
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,139
A little louder, Frank.
The cook didn't hear you.
372
00:18:18,401 --> 00:18:20,403
Well, it's not very ethical.
373
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,405
It's not even moral,
but we're in a war zone.
374
00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:24,929
Yeah, well, I--I don't wanna know about it.
375
00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:28,368
I mean, I love it,
but I don't wanna
know about it.
376
00:18:42,904 --> 00:18:44,906
Where is it?
You sure you've got it?
377
00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:46,342
It's in the bucket.
378
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:47,474
I'll put it on rightafter the introductions.
379
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:48,997
Just make sure
you use enough.
380
00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:50,651
I don't want
this guy wakin' up
381
00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:53,088
until after I've been
a civilian a few years.
382
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:57,048
Did you get it?
383
00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:59,138
Nothing but pure
distilled water.
384
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,924
Say, you wouldn't be averseto laying a small bet
385
00:19:02,924 --> 00:19:04,404
on the outcome,would ya, Henry?
386
00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:06,014
-No, sir.
-What do ya say to
a hundred?
387
00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:07,711
-Dollars?
-Yes.
388
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:09,104
-You got it.
-Good!
389
00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:15,284
Good evening,
and welcome
390
00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:17,678
to the inter-camp
boxing tournament.
391
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:20,376
Introducing the contestants.
392
00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:22,030
In this corner,
393
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:26,121
representing the 3099th
Mobile Army Hospital,
394
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:29,472
weighing 260 pounds,
395
00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:33,868
with a record of 97 wins,
no losses,
396
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:37,698
and three arrests,
Sergeant "Killer" Flacker!
397
00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:44,183
BARKER:Hooray!
398
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:47,882
And in this corner,
399
00:19:47,882 --> 00:19:51,364
representing
the fighting 4077th,
400
00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:54,802
weighing 175 pounds,
401
00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:56,586
all of it heart,
402
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,109
Kid Doctor!
403
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,904
All right, fellas,
I want a good, clean fight.
404
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:12,515
TRAPPER:
Who doesn't?
405
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:14,343
MULCAHY:No low blows, no holding,
406
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,779
no rabbit punches,
no kidney punches.
407
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,651
Sounds like
a dull evening.
408
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:18,913
Go back to your corners,
409
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,002
and when you hear the bell,come out fighting.
410
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:22,612
And may the best man win.
411
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:34,537
You be carefulyou don't breathe inany of this stuff yourself.
412
00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:38,149
Keep the glove away.
413
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,859
HAWKEYE:
Get up in his face!
414
00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:53,687
Get up in his face!
415
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:57,865
Put the glove
in his face!
416
00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,867
Put it in his face,
for God's sake!
417
00:20:59,867 --> 00:21:01,738
Put the glove
in his face!
418
00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,436
Put it in his face!
419
00:21:03,436 --> 00:21:06,352
That's a pretty unorthodox styleyour boy has there.
420
00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,702
Well, he's still on
his feet, isn't he?
421
00:21:08,702 --> 00:21:10,356
Maybe you'd liketo double that bet?
422
00:21:10,356 --> 00:21:13,315
-If you insist, General.-Good.
423
00:21:18,189 --> 00:21:19,539
HAWKEYE:
Put the glove in his face!
424
00:21:19,539 --> 00:21:21,932
Put him in--
Put him in a clinch!
425
00:21:21,932 --> 00:21:22,977
Put him in a clinch and--
426
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,198
Put it up in there!
427
00:21:27,198 --> 00:21:31,464
What's he doing?
What's he doing?
Get it in his face!
428
00:21:31,464 --> 00:21:36,512
Get it up in his face!
Get it up in his face!
429
00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:40,777
Stick it in his face!
What's a matter with you?
430
00:21:48,219 --> 00:21:50,483
-Give it some--
-Come on!
431
00:21:54,443 --> 00:21:56,053
WOMAN:Get up! Get up!
432
00:21:56,053 --> 00:21:57,446
HAWKEYE:
Get up, Trap!
433
00:21:57,446 --> 00:22:02,625
-Trap, get up! Come on!-One, two, three!
434
00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:05,236
Hello, Hawkeye.
What are you doing
at the prom?
435
00:22:05,236 --> 00:22:08,849
We've been had!Somebody switchedbottles on us.
436
00:22:08,849 --> 00:22:11,112
You stall him.I'll be right back.
437
00:22:11,112 --> 00:22:13,419
-MULCAHY: Eight!
-No, you stall him.
438
00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:16,770
-I'll be right back.
-Go!
439
00:22:28,172 --> 00:22:29,870
Oh, no!
440
00:22:29,870 --> 00:22:31,480
-MULCAHY: One! Two!
-Get up! Get up!
441
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,439
Get up, Trap!
Trap, get up! Come on!
442
00:22:33,439 --> 00:22:36,267
-Three! Four!-Get up! Get up! Get up!Pull yourself up!
443
00:22:36,267 --> 00:22:38,618
-Five!
-Get up!
444
00:22:42,970 --> 00:22:45,451
You're okay, you're okay.You're okay.
445
00:22:47,975 --> 00:22:51,282
-Where am I?
-You're right here
in the ring.
446
00:22:51,282 --> 00:22:54,851
Now for the big question.
Who am I?
447
00:22:54,851 --> 00:22:56,897
Everything isgonna be all right.
448
00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:00,770
Don't waste any time.
449
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:03,294
Get him in a clinchand stick thisright in his face.
450
00:23:03,294 --> 00:23:05,645
-Whose face?
451
00:23:05,645 --> 00:23:07,473
-WOMAN: Come on, come one!-MAN: Let's fight!
452
00:23:10,258 --> 00:23:12,086
HAWKEYE:
Get him in a clinch!
453
00:23:12,086 --> 00:23:13,740
That's it! Hug him!
454
00:23:15,089 --> 00:23:17,483
Get him in a cl--
that's it!
455
00:23:17,483 --> 00:23:19,485
Stick it in his face!
Get it--
456
00:23:20,660 --> 00:23:21,922
That's it! That's it!
457
00:23:21,922 --> 00:23:23,489
-That's good!
458
00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:25,621
Ha ha! That's--
459
00:23:29,103 --> 00:23:32,454
-Aah!
460
00:23:34,848 --> 00:23:39,330
One, two, three,
461
00:23:39,330 --> 00:23:42,246
-four, five,
-Aah!
462
00:23:42,246 --> 00:23:45,598
six, seven,
463
00:23:45,598 --> 00:23:50,167
eight, nine, ten.
464
00:23:53,388 --> 00:23:54,955
We did it!
465
00:24:02,136 --> 00:24:04,965
-How does it feel?
-Hard to see through.
466
00:24:04,965 --> 00:24:07,141
Yeah, well I couldn'tget a prescription steak.
467
00:24:07,141 --> 00:24:10,274
-You wanna martini?
-My very thought.
468
00:24:10,274 --> 00:24:13,060
Oh, here's somethingfor both eyes.
469
00:24:13,060 --> 00:24:15,018
Gentlemen, well,
470
00:24:15,018 --> 00:24:16,411
you lived up to
your part of the deal,
471
00:24:16,411 --> 00:24:18,282
and I have lived up to mine.
472
00:24:19,762 --> 00:24:21,285
Keep moving
or you're dead.
473
00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:29,119
It's true.
You fought for me.
474
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:30,251
That's right.
475
00:24:30,251 --> 00:24:32,209
I must say,
I'm impressed.
476
00:24:32,209 --> 00:24:34,473
-Well, I should hope so.-Hey, I managed him, you know.
477
00:24:34,473 --> 00:24:36,213
Does it hurt?
478
00:24:36,213 --> 00:24:38,651
Not a lot. No.
I laid out his training
and everything.
479
00:24:38,651 --> 00:24:40,479
You think it's easyplanning strategy
480
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:42,089
and everything,and standing in the corner
481
00:24:42,089 --> 00:24:43,656
wondering ifhe'll ever come home?
482
00:24:43,656 --> 00:24:45,309
I would-- I wouldhave fought myself,
483
00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:47,703
but I, uh, I had thisshoulder injury in college,
484
00:24:47,703 --> 00:24:50,489
and it never got better
485
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,403
I, uh...
486
00:24:52,403 --> 00:24:54,101
I try not to burden
my friends with it,
487
00:24:54,101 --> 00:24:55,581
uh, actually.
488
00:24:55,581 --> 00:24:57,452
TRAPPER:
Here, put this
on your shoulder.
489
00:24:57,452 --> 00:24:59,149
It'll help.
34944
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