All language subtitles for Haley Reed and Alyssa Cole - Backwoods Bartering - DaughterSwap

Down, down, down, down, down, down.

Damn.

Mosquitoes are crazy.

Yeah, now you gotta worry about West
Nile, Snuffleupagus, Zika, Malaria.

Next you're gonna be saying fucking
mosquito periods.

You have a snake?

Uh, no.

The T-bones?

Yeah. I didn't bring, I brought
Porterhouse.

No, the sticks for the... Oh, I'm
hungry.

They're in the supply box.

It ain't too windy anyways, man. We got
canopy cover. This thing ain't going

nowhere.

Looks good.

Tenth year in a row we're out here, man.

You've missed every one prior.

Yeah, well, it's a little hard to get
off work, you know.

The kids and everything.

Yeah, but I don't know how you let your
daughter come out here and you don't

come with her.

That's what I have you for.

Where are they at?

Does she know how to get here? Of
course, man.

Like I said, she's been here ten years
in a row. You've never been once.

She's got it, bro.

And she's with my daughter, too, so they
got it.

Boy. Man.

What?

Taking a break on me already?

Yeah, man, everything looks good
already. I'm waiting for them to bring

that stuff.

You sparking the grill or what?

I'm on it.

Let me take a little break, man. It's
getting hot out here.

Some mosquitoes are killing me.

You sleeping in that one?

No, that's yours.

No, it's not.

That's the rookie's tent, bro.

So how'd you do on the chemistry test?

It was good. I think I did well.

Tired as hell.

Thank you.

It's nice to be here camping.

Yeah, it is.

It's super pretty out here. I know, it's
so beautiful today.

I'm so excited.

I just love how green it is.

I've been camping so long.

It's been nice. Yeah.

We've been out here so many times, but
every single time we manage to get lost.

Hey, Dad?

Dad?

Oh,

hey. Oh, you guys got the pens set up.

Oh, hey.

Hey, the fire started. Hey, come on,
man.

You're calling me a rookie. I got a
lighter right there. You're trying to

make a lighter with two steaks? You're
going to make it look so easy.

We got the steaks and stuff.

Where do you want me to put this? I
know, I'm close. It's getting warm.

Why don't you spread that out right over
here?

Oh, it's dirty.

Yeah.

Oh, dude, I just sweat on it.

I got the lighter right there, man. I
was trying to do it the authentic way.

That's how we do it every year here.

Well, you got to show me how it's done.
We usually use a bow staff.

On my day, we used to use a magnifying
glass.

That'd be great if we didn't have so
much canopy cover.

It is so hot out.

I know.

A little Florida heat.

So you guys got to show me the ropes.
What do you guys do out here? This is

it?

For the most part, cook some food. We
can go fishing. We have a fishing pole.

It's just really relaxing.

Yeah, it's nice.

Lounge around.

Yep.

It's wonderful.

Very nice out here.

So what are you wearing for prom?

I don't know if I'm going.

I don't have a date.

You better not have a date.

And you better not have your cell phone
either.

I didn't bring it.

You know what we talked about. No
technology on this trip.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

You guys are such a dick. You won't let
me bring my phone out here. Hey, I heard

that.

I think this is a big deal.

Like, it's just a phone.

It's not like I'm going to be on it all
the time.

Well, like, you need to check everything
for, like, school or, like, just hanging

out with other people. Yeah, like
homework or something.

Like, what if my teacher emails me, you
know? And then, like, you have a report

due on Monday.

Dad, when do you get to bring your
phone?

I paid for this trip.

Paying for this trip now, paying for
your school and your car and your cell

phone. I just don't do a big deal.

I mean, you're on yours.

I'm taking care of business.

Okay. Hey, don't talk back.

All right? Mind your elders.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Hey.

You need to show some respect. We'll go
home right now.

I like his style.

I am showing respect, Dad.

So why don't you girls just, like, get
your bags, put the food and all that

stuff away in your tent.

The food in the tent?

Yeah. Put it away. It doesn't need to be
sitting out here.

Florida brown bear has a sense of smell
a hundred times greater than that of a

human. You want to put that next to your
daughter in a tent?

I didn't really think of it like that,
but yeah. Keep it off the campsite in a

sealed cooler. Come on, man.

I know it's your first time, but...

Common sense.

You watch too much TV.

I've done this too many times and I've
had too many close encounters.

I know we want to be close with nature
and all that, but not too close.

I get it. Well, put it away. It doesn't
need to be sitting out over there. Yeah,

I don't want it to get hot. The flies
are going to get on it.

How far do you want it to step away?

You've been with us many times.

It's 100 yards outside the campground.

Thank you.

You got to be on them. You got to be on
them. I mean, I don't know what's up

with these girls, man.

They boss us around so much. I know.

They just want to come out here and
chill, and they're always telling us

what to do. Yeah.

It's not even like a bear is around in
this area.

I have never seen a bear. I know.

I've heard of a bear being around here.

I don't even think they live here.

Next time we're going to build a
lean-to.

We're going to get rid of these tents.

That's how the natives did it.

That's how we should do it. Get in touch
with our roots.

It's a real simple philosophy.

Smaller than an A-frame, but it sheds
water better.

Will you show me?

Like so.

So let's say you got yourself a

nice sturdy oak right here. With a
low-lying cross branch.

So what you do is you line your branches
up against here.

So I made another stick like that.

And then you grab palm fronds and lay
them on top and you thatch it like this.

And you sleep under here.

It's a lean-to.

And we're going to build one? Next year.
I don't think we can fit in that. Next

year. We're going to do it. Not this
year. We brought tents this year. You're

like a real bush craftsman, huh?

It's, you know.

If he can't make fire with it, he might
as well do something.

I'll do stick diagrams, I guess.

You're supposed to show me how it's
done.

Next year.

All right. I mean, I've got to introduce
you slowly.

Or we could just use the lighter.

I'm not trying to build a fire anymore.
I'm showing you what we're going to

sleep in next year. Oh, well.

In that case, next year I'll bring my
tent.

Mr. Wallace, you've taught me so much.

That's good. Teach your dad now.

I don't know if he'll understand. He's a
noob out here. Yeah, I know.

There's a certain way you've got to lay
the leaves too so that they shed water

better. If you go upside down, then
you're just going to get drunk.

You don't want that, especially out
here.

Not for 14 days, you know.

It'll be a wet fortnight, that's for
sure.

Does your dad always like that?

Fucking Mr. Twigs over there?

Not always, but a lot of the time.

He likes camping. He's a real outdoorsy
man.

I can tell. He's become a real Ranger
Joe.

He's got to come out with you guys more
often. There's no, like, bathroom around

here? No, you just go, you know, pee
behind a tree or something.

What do you like, man?

I mean, you can bring toilet paper.

It's not that hard to bring with you. I
didn't think that far ahead. You can use

a leaf if you want. Just don't pick a
poison ivy.

Hey, guys, can you show them where the
restroom is? It needs to wash up a bit.

Come on, Jimbo.

You serious now?

Well, I mean, I was just kind of
actually curious about how you're going

to make your daughter wipe with one of
these leaves.

There's a banana tree not 20 yards south
of the camp.

Come on. So what's with the banana tree?
You could bite the banana leaves? Banana

leaves are useful for a lot of things,
actually. It's very gentle.

Exactly.

Almost like double pie.

Two pie?

Better than two pie.

Okay.

You're going to have to try that out.

Oh, yeah? You got the rumbles and the
jumbles?

A little bit. I don't know. I'm a little
nervous about this. I hear all these

little noises in this jungle.

We are not the only ones here.

No. I mean... You know, Jim, you're
vastly different from your daughter.

Your daughter gets it.

She's been coming out here for ten years
now.

She can rough it.

You need to take after her as opposed to
her taking after you.

Well, she's always been more of a nature
girl, you know? Yeah. She likes trees

and nature and, you know, that's her
thing.

I'd rather be on my couch right now with
a beer.

A beer would be nice right now.

You can't drink.

I know.

You better not be drinking at those
parties you go to. I'm not.

It goes for you, too.

I don't know. We keep an eye on you. I
don't drink.

I'm so glad you're out here. It's
usually just the three of us.

You should come all the way out there.

Maybe I will. Yeah.

I got this on the little tent, by the
way.

On the little tent? It's cozy in there.

Yeah, do you want to go in there? Yeah,
let's go check it out. There's a lot

going on.

This here tree is the Florida Point
Sienna.

This is a nice little sleepy bag.
Indigenous to these areas.

You can tell by the red flowers.

You can flower all year round, actually.

You're full of shit.

How the fuck do you even know that?

Well, a lot of people confuse the name
Point Sienna and Poinsettia, like the

Christmas flower. Yeah. So it's easy to
remember on that train of thought. The

Point Sienna, not the Poinsettia. And
red flowers, much like the Christmas.

I'm fucking with you, man. Come on, bro.
Lighten up. Oh, man. Are you fucking

kidding me? Speaking of that beer, man,
where's the cooler at? You bring the

cooler? Yeah, let me go grab that.

All right.

I'm with you, too. Let these girls talk.

It felt amazing.

Everything about it was perfect.

My dad doesn't know it all. It's fucking
annoying.

He pisses me off sometimes.

Well, he does know it all.

Yeah, but it's just the way he talks
about it.

Well, he's really, really smart.

I like your dad. He's so nice.

He can be pretty annoying, though. He
talks like... He just doesn't want to be

here.

Well, I mean, it's his first time
camping, so maybe he'll get used to it.

Well, I just wish he was, like, more
supportive of, like, me being out here

with, like, you guys.

But this is, like, his first time out, I
guess. He's just experiencing new

things. Yeah, my dad makes me go camping
all the time. I mean, like, sometimes

it's fun, but sometimes it's, like...
Yeah, like, you just want to stay home

sometimes. And, like, because you can't
work on anything out here.

Man, this is really nice out here.

Hey, you think I could talk to you for a
second?

Yeah. I just want you to know that I
really appreciate you, you know, taking

my daughter out here and, you know, the
past couple of years. I know I can't

really be here all the time, but I
appreciate it. I really do. No, hey, no

problem. Glad you finally made it out
here with us, man.

She looks good, doesn't she?

Huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah. She's a good girl.

No, I mean, she looks good, though.
She's a hottie, right?

I'll meet you at camp.

What? I mean, hey, for real, put that
down. I want to talk to you. Listen,

seriously.

I kind of didn't want to tell you this,
but I found her journal.

She's kind of grown quite fond of you,
you know, the past couple of times

you've taken her out.

She wants you, Sean. I can't make that
up.

I mean, it's like she's known you for
years.

Like, I've known your daughter.

I mean, it was in her journal. Like,
she's thought about you sexually.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, she's young, you know? You know
how young girls, they kind of get their

hormones and... What are you getting at,
man?

Well, I kind of think that, you know,
they're a little comfortable right now.

And, you know, they're... You might
actually have a chance if you just think

all we got to do is make her... With
your daughter?

I mean, she's thought about you
sexually.

I think all we got to do is make a move.

I mean, they're pretty comfortable right
now.

On each other's daughters?

Well, I mean, you don't really got to
look if you don't want to.

But I think they're into it.

And I mean, I know she's into you.

Let's do it. I mean, you're cool with it
too?

Like with me?

Are we going to do it or no?

Are we doing it or no?

I'm ready.

About time.

Let's do this.

Can I have a beer?

Oh, hey, in a few more years you can.

But, um, I want to show you how to start
a fire.

Really?

Do some fishing and then build a lean-to
like I was showing you.

Okay.

So what are you ladies talking about?

Nothing, just school and stuff.

Yeah? You know, just being a good girl.

That's good.

Oh, my gosh.

Are you having fun camping?

I like it. It's pretty cool. I just kind
of wish there was a bathroom.

You'll get used to it.

What? It's cool.

I know you're cool. And your dad doesn't
care. Trust me. You sure? You're not

like, he didn't tell you to do this? No,
no.

I'm not cutting you out. I'm not cutting
you out.

No, you look really beautiful.

Thank you.

You know you look pretty sexy smoking
that cigarette.

What?

He can't hear.

I really think you're beautiful.

Thank you, but I don't think you're
supposed to say that.

Well, it's good to give compliments
every once in a while.

Yeah, I guess.

I kind of seen you looking at me before
when you were sitting on the blanket.

No, I wasn't.

You know the little journal that she
keeps around?

Yeah? What about it? Well, I kind of
found out that she's kind of got a crush

on your dad.

You guys read her journal?

I didn't want to, but then, you know,
when I started seeing how, you know, her

sexual fantasies about the father, I
kind of got a little bit curious.

And I know that can be kind of normal
sometimes for teens, and I kind of know

that, you know, you...

You feel some kind of way towards me.

She wrote about that?

No, she didn't, but you just confessed.

I mean, it's cool, though. It's cool.
Listen, me and your dad, we worked

something out.

We made a little deal with each other,
and we're all going to have fun.

It's going to be a good trip. What kind
of deal?

Well, let's just say we're going to have
fun.

It might get a little wet during dry
season.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I mean, you get what I'm trying to
say, right?

I shouldn't be doing this. You're my
best friend's dad.

Listen, we made a deal. It's okay.

Yeah, there you go. Nice big one.

We don't want the fire to last them ten
minutes.

Now throw them.

Throw them?

Yeah.

There you go. Perfect. That's right
where they belong.

What? Yeah.

But my dad.

Your dad what?

He's right over there. That's all right.

So I read your diary.

No, seriously, I mean, after I read it,
I find it quite appealing.

Did you? Yeah.

What'd you like about it?

Everything.

Everything? Yeah.

Like what?

About the part how you've been looking
at me in that way for quite some time.

Um... How come you didn't say anything?

Because you're my best friend's dad.

Well, that's all right. She seems to be
doing just fine on her own. What do you

mean?

Me and your dad worked out a deal. Come
here.

What are you doing?

I told you me and your dad worked out a
deal. I read your diary. Come on.

Thank you.

Ever been with an older man?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

Oh.

Oh, fuck my dick.

Whoa, what the fuck's going on here?

No, I'm kidding. Come on. Come on. Come
on.

I thought we had a deal. Yeah, we did.
We did.

Oh, my God. I just saw my dad.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Yeah. That's all right. That's all
right.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Fucking pussy.

Oh.

that deck.

Man, look at me with those beautiful
eyes when you suck my dick.

Oh, yes.

Honey, get your foot out of my face.

Are you gonna come?

Yeah, you want me to come? Yeah.

Oh fuck, I'm gonna come.

Are you going to come? Oh, fuck, yeah,
I'm going to come right now.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck, yes.

Your daughter is wild.

That was the best camping trip ever.
Jesus Christ.