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1
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,200
She went into cardiac arrest
during the night.
2
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:18,520
The doctor's there managed
to revive her, but she…
3
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:22,320
- What?
- She… She's very, very weak.
4
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,600
So they don't know
if she'll come around.
5
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,200
What about you, Rae?
6
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,800
You and Tix were really close,
7
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,400
Kester says you're thinking
about stopping your sessions
with him.
8
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,160
Have you got people there for you?
9
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,600
I've got loads of people
I can talk to.
10
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,680
Oh, Tix.
11
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,280
Dear, Diary,
12
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,920
I've been to a place
this dark once before,
13
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,960
nearly made the biggest mistake.
14
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,720
I couldn't risk
going back that low again.
15
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,360
I needed to talk to someone.
16
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:17,240
I didn't deserve to be happy,
not after what I did to Tix.
17
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:20,920
Never mind I am that I'm fat,
loud and annoying.
18
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,840
Maybe Finn and Chloe
weren't lost to me,
19
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,520
maybe they weren't even going out.
20
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,960
Maybe it was just a kiss.
21
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,600
Either way I had to face them
sooner or later.
22
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,520
Oh, my God! What an effing
night! My head is banging!
23
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,920
- You alright?
- Brilliant.
24
00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:44,560
Where the bloody hell
did you go to?
25
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,520
Don't know I woke up
in a bloody field!
26
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,560
And then thank God
I saw Chopper in his car.
27
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,000
- Have you spoke to Izzy?
- No.
28
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,200
- No one knows where she is.
- She'll be fine!
29
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,880
She was with Kendo.
What if she went back with him?
30
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,400
And what if she went
back with him?
31
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,520
She's single isn't she?
It's her decision.
32
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,680
Oh, my God. Whose idea
was it to meet for food?
33
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,560
It was my idea.
This is supposed to be
The Debrief.
34
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,880
The best part about
the night out is the debrief
in the morning.
35
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,600
Fuck the debrief.
36
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,720
I can't eat when it feels
like someone's taken
a piss on my soul.
37
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,520
- I'm going to lie down somewhere.
- Where you going?
38
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,960
- What!? What about the debrief.
- Archie's right, mate.
39
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:25,560
I don't need a debrief,
I need a shower
and shit load of peppermint tea.
40
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,520
- I'll see youse later.
- See ya.
41
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,280
I'm gonna nip to the toilet.
42
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,520
Oh, my God, Rae! I kissed him.
43
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,960
- Who?
- Finn!
44
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,320
You know, I didn't
really like him that much.
45
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:03,040
I just fancied him
because he was so fit.
46
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:07,440
But now I really do like him.
It's so nice when that happens.
47
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,000
Get off me!
48
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,600
- Rae?
- What?
49
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,480
Well, me and Finn
haven't spoken about it yet,
50
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:24,120
but we'll deffo be going out
by the end of next week.
51
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,800
And then, well, you know?
52
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,720
- Rae, I'm talking about sex…
- Sex. Yeah, I get it.
53
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,720
It's a really
exciting time for you.
54
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,680
Yeah, it is.
55
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,240
I'm just gonna go.
56
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,040
Mum?
57
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,920
I'm just trying
my wedding dress on!
58
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,920
Well, I look like a dog's dinner.
59
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:17,120
You don't, Mum, you look lovely.
60
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,160
- How's Tix?
- Not good.
61
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:26,840
Rae, I'm glad you've come home.
62
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,360
- I'm sorry…
- It's fine. We're fine.
63
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:40,160
Mum… I need to talk to you
about something.
64
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,040
Well, go on. Spit it out.
65
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,200
I saw something
weird this morning.
66
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,680
I saw Karim.
67
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:52,480
So what?
68
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:58,360
He was with someone… a woman.
69
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,080
What woman?
70
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:06,920
I don't know.
He kissed her.
71
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:18,440
Did you look out of the window?
72
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,640
Everyone's got family, Rae.
73
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,280
His sister?
74
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,680
Why do you hate him so much, Rae?
75
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,720
I don't hate him.
I don't know him.
76
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,400
Why have you bothered
to get to know him?
77
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,800
Rae?
78
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:50,160
Look, I know he's never
gonna be your proper dad.
79
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,000
But he's a good man.
80
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,360
And he's part of this family
and you need to start
accepting that.
81
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,600
I can't force you
to be a part of this family.
82
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,720
It's you who needs to decide
whether you want to or not.
83
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,200
Who is my proper dad?
84
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,560
What do you mean?
85
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,680
I know it was you who's been
writing the letters.
86
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:26,440
I just wanna know who he is.
Is his name even Victor?
87
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,160
Yeah. His name's Victor.
88
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:32,840
Well, were there ever
any real letters?
89
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,200
Has he ever tried to get in touch?
90
00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:42,120
Well, does he not know
where we live?
91
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,880
- Yeah.
- What he knows or he doesn't?
92
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,320
He knows.
93
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,760
I started sending those letters
when you were six, Rae.
94
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,800
It was a stupid thing to do,
95
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,080
but I guess I thought
he might be coming back.
96
00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:01,560
And once I'd started, well,
I didn't know how to stop.
97
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:06,400
Once I started,
I didn't know how to stop.
98
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:16,280
It's fine.
We'll talk about it later.
99
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,440
You've got enough to do.
100
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,520
So what if my mum
was starting a new life?
101
00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,400
So what if Chloe and Finn
were lost to me?
102
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:01,520
No matter what happened
103
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,920
I'd always have
the rest of the gang.
104
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,920
And I'd always have my diary.
105
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,880
Uh, excuse me.
I left a little blue bag in here
when I was here this morning.
106
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,480
- Denim bag?
- Yeah!
107
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,200
Well, can I have it back, please?
108
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,560
It's got, like, really important
documents in it.
109
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,640
I gave it one of your friends
as they were leaving.
110
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,040
- Which friend?
- Pretty girl.
111
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,760
I can't believe Chloe
would say that.
112
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,040
Sometimes I think she's being a
bitch on purpose, sometimes--
113
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,920
I love Finn.
I love Finn!
114
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,280
I think I'd even snog his armpits.
115
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,800
I'd love to snog his armpits…
116
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,640
But Chloe doesn't bloody
realize not everyone is rich,
117
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:06,920
not everyone is pretty.
118
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,640
Go away!
119
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,320
Oh, Chloe, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it!
120
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,680
I just write
whatever comes into my head!
121
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:25,640
- Chloe, please, I'm--
- Stay away from me, alright!
122
00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,320
And stay away from Finn.
123
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,520
I have been to a place
this dark once before.
124
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,800
Nearly made the biggest mistake.
125
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,880
But what was the mistake?
126
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:12,000
Ever cutting myself in the
first place or not cutting
deep enough?
127
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:19,080
Dear Mum,
128
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,400
I am so sorry.
129
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:30,200
I am so sorry
that I fucked everything up.
130
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:32,200
It's not your fault.
131
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,720
I am not hungry.
132
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:41,320
For the first time in months,
I don't care about food.
133
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:44,480
I don't care about
filling the gap by eating
134
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:48,320
or by hurting myself a little.
The gap's too wide now.
135
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,240
I tried so hard to be someone
everybody could like.
136
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:57,840
But no matter how hard I try,
I will always be the same
ridiculous, pointless blob.
137
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:03,040
I'll always hurt people
and I'll always let people down.
138
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,400
I am so sorry, mum.
139
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:14,200
I just hate myself
so much more than I could
ever love anything.
140
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,400
And I guess I did
achieve one thing.
141
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:22,960
I wrote the most boring,
suicide note in the history
of the world.
142
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,520
Hiya.
143
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,320
Tix?! What's going on?
Are you alright?
144
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,760
You're in a hospital.
You're in a coma.
145
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,400
Is this a dream?
146
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,760
Is it my imagination?
147
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,680
Are you an angel?
148
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:30,360
Look. You don't need to know
everything. You're in a coma.
149
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,880
And I'm here to tell you
that you need to wake up.
150
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:36,360
I don't want to wake up.
I want to be dead.
151
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:41,040
Why do you think I was on
that bridge in the first place?
152
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:45,320
Let me show you what the world
would be like without Rae.
153
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:58,680
This is what happens
if you don't wake up.
154
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:02,480
It's closed?
Because I don't wake up?
155
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,080
What are you trying to say?
156
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,000
Well, when you
stopped coming here,
157
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,600
other people stopped coming here,
158
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,640
because it reminded them of you.
159
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:14,120
A chip shop reminds people of me?!
160
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,400
Maybe this wasn't
the best place to start.
161
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,640
Where are we now?
162
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:23,320
Her Majesty's Prison Lincoln.
Eleven months in the future.
163
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,280
No!
164
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,240
No, no!
This can't have happened.
165
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,520
They can't be together,
they're the opposite
of each other?
166
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,240
I made you some fairy cakes.
167
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:40,320
Oh, brilliant. That's not
gonna get me beaten up is it?
168
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,600
What happens to Chop?
169
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,800
Richard said that he just
doesn't want to be
170
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,320
a part of the country club
any more.
171
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,480
What about you Arnold?
172
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:54,360
Are you a member of any societies?
173
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:55,840
No, not really.
174
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,680
Chop's name is Arnold?
175
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,560
Do you want some wine, Arnold?
176
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,560
No, thanks.
I don't drink no more.
177
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,640
Come on, honey.
178
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,200
Oh, not Finn, not Finn…
179
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,560
Hi.
180
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,960
- You OK?
- Yeah, yeah.
181
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:18,760
What?!
182
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,680
Do you know,
it has been so difficult,
183
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,000
but I am so glad we waited.
184
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,880
'cause tonight's gonna be
really special.
185
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,680
You know what…
if we wait until Mauritius.
186
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,400
Then it'd be really special.
187
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,440
No! Because now is
really special, isn't it?
188
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,960
Oh, oh, one of the candles
has gone out.
189
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:39,080
This is horrible. I don't want
to see anymore of this.
190
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,160
What the fuck?
191
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,120
- Whoops!
- What was that last one?
192
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,800
Forget about it.
193
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:56,560
We were talking today about what
everyone wants to go on to do
and…
194
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:02,720
I'd always thought we could have
been on the radio together.
195
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,640
Had like a joint DJ slot.
196
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:10,480
No crap. Only cool tunes.
No crap FM.
197
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:16,360
Look, Rae… I really miss you.
198
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,120
It's bullshit that you're gone.
I hate it.
199
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,440
Everyone hates it.
200
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,560
Anyway, look…
201
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:28,480
- He really misses me.
- I know.
202
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:32,680
- He really misses me.
- Yep.
203
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,320
Will he ever
have sex with me if I wake up?
204
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,040
I can't answer that.
205
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:41,040
- Will he ever kiss me?
- I can't answer that either.
206
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,960
Where is everything?
207
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,680
It's gone.
No one lives here anymore.
208
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,120
Why?
209
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:59,000
Your mum and Karim
didn't work out.
210
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:03,000
She blamed herself for your death.
She had a breakdown.
211
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,600
Where does she live?
212
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,880
With your Uncle Mark
in King's Lynn.
213
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,280
No! No! This isn't how
it's meant to be!
214
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,560
What did you think you could
just slip out of the world
215
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,960
without nothing
happening because of it?
216
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,480
Do you think anyone can do that?
217
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,960
There is one more reason
why you should wake up.
218
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,200
I don't want to know anymore.
219
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:32,640
No, this is nice!
220
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:35,440
When you wake up,
Finn's at the side of your bed
221
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,800
holding your hand.
222
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,160
Your mum and Karim
are in the corner.
223
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,800
There's balloons and music.
224
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,600
And it's perfect.
225
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:50,360
OK. I'm ready.
226
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,080
Close your eyes.
227
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:57,320
Good luck.
228
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:06,040
Oh, my God.
229
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,640
Are you alright?
230
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,240
Why did you step into
the road like that?
231
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,720
How long was I unconscious for?
232
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,280
I dunno, maybe a second.
233
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,040
What about the coma?
234
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,320
- What coma?
- Oh, no! No! No! No!
235
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:22,960
I don't know
what you're talking about?
236
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,560
Oh, everything's still shit!
237
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,200
Why were you on the bridge?
238
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:33,560
I was going for a walk.
239
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,040
How can you even drive, anyway?
240
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,800
I thought you were like 14.
241
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,360
I'm 17.
242
00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,760
Seventeen and you still shout
names at me in the street?
243
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,960
Well, you're always
looking at us like knobheads.
244
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:49,280
Maybe that's because you shout
the words "fat bitch"
in my face every other day,
245
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,440
Are you gonna tell anyone
I ran you over?
246
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:55,360
I don't care enough
to tell anyone.
247
00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:01,000
Look… I'm sorry about
calling you Jabba and that.
248
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:11,000
You know, I wouldn't mind,
but it's so uninventive
249
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,440
and so unfunny it makes me want
to punch myself in the tit.
250
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,920
I'm sorry.
I didn't know you was alright.
251
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:21,200
Exactly. It shouldn't matter.
252
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,640
You don't treat people like dirt.
253
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:28,920
I already know I'm shit,
I don't need reminding.
254
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,880
- Do you want me to ring anyone?
- No.
255
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,000
What about your mum or someone?
256
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,720
- No!
- Well, what about your mates?
257
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:34,960
I said "no" alright!
258
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,800
Look, I haven't got anyone
to ring anyway.
259
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,800
Why don't you just go home?
I said you didn't
have to wait with me.
260
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,600
What were you doing on the bridge?
261
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,840
Look, I'm not going anywhere
until you've rang someone.
262
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:47,040
Who do you call in an emergency?
263
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,280
There was one person missing!
264
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,320
- Come in.
- I was looking for Kester.
265
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,840
Dr. Gill has taken
a leave of absence.
266
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,200
You must be, Rae.
267
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,080
Dr. Gill said you might be back.
268
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:40,640
Hello? Anybody home?
269
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,600
Hello?
270
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,000
Hello? It's Rae!
271
00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:01,840
Rae? What you doing here?
272
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:05,240
I called your number and your
wife gave me this address.
273
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,160
Jesus, what have you been doing?
274
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,760
I'm really sorry you had
to see me like that, Rae.
275
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:27,040
Like what?
I didn't see anything.
276
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,440
What happened to your bookshelf?
277
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,360
Oh, it thought it could beat me,
but I had a hammer.
278
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:40,000
So there was only ever
going to be one winner.
279
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,880
Why are you on leave from work?
280
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:51,680
Well, I thought…
with what happened with Tix,
281
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,600
and then… with you leaving…
282
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:58,000
I thought it'd be a good idea
to take some time off,
283
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,480
and, you know, sort myself out.
284
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,040
I like your flat.
285
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:12,320
Yeah, it's nice isn't it?
286
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,520
I never thought I'd be living
in a one bedroom apartment
287
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:23,040
and assembling a flat pack
wine rack in my late 40s
but there you go…
288
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:29,080
You know what's really nice?
It's really nice
to have some… space.
289
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:35,800
It's nice to have a…
a fresh start.
290
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,680
What happened with Tix
wasn't your fault.
291
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:53,160
And me walking out
wasn't your fault.
292
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,440
I like that you're a mess.
293
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,400
That's what makes you real.
294
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:03,120
Like us.
295
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,120
I nearly did something stupid.
296
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,000
How stupid are we talking?
297
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,400
The stupidest.
298
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,280
What made you want to do
something like that?
299
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,840
I just can't see a way out.
300
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,240
I can't see any way out.
301
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:53,880
Of what?
302
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,720
Of being me.
303
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:01,000
Did anything in particular happen?
304
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:06,360
Loads of stuff happened.
I was upset about Tixie.
305
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,760
I stood her up.
I forgot all about her…
306
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:15,600
She over exercised
and her body couldn't take it.
That's not your fault.
307
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,040
Anything else?
308
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,520
Chloe found my diary…
309
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:24,120
…so now everyone is gonna know
how messed up I am.
310
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,240
But that's not everything.
311
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:33,720
It was my mum's wedding today,
it's the reception now.
312
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,120
She's gonna be so angry
that I missed it.
313
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:39,200
I had a kind of argument
with her this morning.
314
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:43,200
And she told me that my dad has
never tried to get in touch.
315
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,600
And that I need to make more
of an effort if I want to be
part of the family.
316
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:51,040
We never talked much
about your dad, have we?
317
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:55,240
He left when I was really little.
318
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:59,680
I guess I'm pretty lucky in a
way because I never
got to know him.
319
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,280
I'm not angry about it.
320
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,640
I don't even think about him.
321
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,640
I remember when I was seven
I went around to Chloe's house
322
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:19,400
for a sleep over
and we got up because she'd had
this brilliant idea.
323
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,240
She'd been watching people
sledging on TV,
324
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:26,280
and she wanted us
to get an empty pillowcase,
325
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,960
put our legs in
and sledge down the stairs.
326
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:37,120
It's funny now, but we were
there crying our eyes out
327
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,880
and Chloe's dad
came running out from the lounge
328
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,520
and he had to pick one
of us up first,
329
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,720
and he reached over me
and picked up Chloe.
330
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:49,640
And afterwards, we were sitting
in the lounge and her Dad,
331
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:54,480
well he just sat with her
on his lap, stroked her hair.
332
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,000
Did you wish it was you?
333
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,480
Maybe. I dunno.
334
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,080
I guess I just feel like
I'd missed out on something.
335
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:09,760
I felt sad about that.
I still feel sad about that.
336
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:13,320
I mean, it's not fair is it?
337
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:17,120
That a little seven-year-old
doesn't have a dad.
338
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,320
It's not her fault.
339
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,280
Her? You are that
seven-year-old, Rae.
340
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,040
- You're talking about yourself.
- Yeah, I know I am.
341
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:28,200
But what I'm saying
is that it's not right
to do that to a seven-year-old.
342
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,120
To do that to you.
To leave you.
343
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:36,240
Fine. It's not fucking right
to do that to me!
344
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:39,080
I wouldn't do that
if I was someone's parent.
345
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,480
I wouldn't do that.
346
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,480
So why did I have to wind up
with some prick for a Dad
347
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,720
who doesn't even want
to see his own kid?
348
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,720
His own fucking kid!
349
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,200
He doesn't even know
what I'm like.
350
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,920
He doesn't deserve
to know you, Rae.
351
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:10,120
What?
352
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:13,240
- How do you do that?
- Do what?
353
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,800
Five minutes ago, I said
I wasn't even angry about it.
354
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,680
I didn't do anything.
355
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,560
Rae…
Rae, Look at me.
356
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,000
What ever situation you find
yourself in,
357
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:35,160
there is always, always,
always a way out.
358
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,880
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
359
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:40,560
I am not going to leave you
and I am not going to
give up on you.
360
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,440
Your dad did what ever he did,
not because of anything you did,
361
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,640
not because of anything you are.
362
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,920
So you can't spend
the rest of your life
363
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,200
being afraid
of people rejecting you.
364
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,040
And you have to start
by not rejecting yourself.
365
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,640
You don't deserve it.
366
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:59,160
So from now on,
people either accept you
367
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,160
for who you are
or they can fuck off.
368
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,080
Because you're
an amazing person, Rae.
369
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,680
I think we can still
probably make the reception.
370
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:16,000
No, I can't go.
I can't face them all.
371
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,680
Yeah. Yeah, I think you can.
372
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:23,520
Come on.
373
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,600
…bloody dress!
374
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:41,600
- Don't turn around.
- I'm not turning around.
375
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,240
I'm ready.
376
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:55,160
Wow.
377
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,000
Do I look alright?
378
00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:59,800
You look fantastic.
379
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:03,080
Right, let's do this.
380
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:04,640
I'm not going in.
381
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:11,200
What?
I can't go in on my own.
382
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,880
Yes, you can.
383
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,760
Go on. Go on.
384
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:28,440
Just…
385
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,960
This is awful,
maybe I can just hide.
386
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,640
Oh, my goodness.
I'm so sorry I'm late!
387
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,560
Wow, Mrs. Hotty Pants,
look at you!
388
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,840
Right! Where did you
get to last night?
389
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,120
I had to get a taxi back
about 3ish to escape
that drug dealer man!
390
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,360
- Really?
- Yeah.
391
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:26,800
Izzy where the fuck have you been?
392
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:28,480
At home. Why?
393
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,560
I was worried about you.
Everyone was.
394
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,320
What happened
between you and Kendo?
395
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,320
Why do you care?
396
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,440
I don't… I just…
397
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,920
Just do what you want. Yeah?
398
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:44,560
Um… Rae,
Can I have a word please.
399
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:58,560
Rae, I'm only here
because of your mum.
400
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:04,280
I don't know what to say.
Have you told everyone?
401
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,440
No, I haven't told everyone,
Rae, and you know why?
402
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,880
- Because I'm a good person.
- I know you're a good person.
403
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:15,120
I won't tell anyone, Rae,
but you need to stay away from us.
404
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:16,440
I don't want to be
anywhere near you
405
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:17,760
and they were my friends first
406
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:19,160
so that's the way it's gonna be.
407
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:35,320
There's a feeling I get.
And its roots are deep and rotten.
408
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:43,480
It's when you realize
something is fading into
a memory before your very eyes.
409
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,200
Hi, hi, everyone! Hiya!
410
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,680
I know usually it's the groom
who says a few words, but…
411
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,200
…we thought it'd be better
if I took the honors.
412
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:08,160
Oh, Karim. My Beasty.
413
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,160
I love you so much.
414
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,280
I want him to feel
at home tonight, OK?
415
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,560
So let's show him
how we party in Lincolnshire!
416
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:24,240
We've… We've had quite
a difficult time recently,
417
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:30,600
so it's really nice that we
have something we can
all celebrate… together.
418
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,600
Does anyone else
want to say anything?
419
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:40,440
Fuck it.
420
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,960
Yeah, I do.
421
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:51,880
Hello…
422
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,600
Hello! Um…
423
00:33:55,600 --> 00:34:01,760
Well, firstly, I just
want to say congratulations
to my mum and Karim.
424
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,320
I'm really sorry
I missed the ceremony.
425
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:10,960
Karim makes my mum really happy,
and that's all I care about,
426
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,080
Well, that's all
anyone should care about.
427
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,520
And we deserve a bit of happiness,
428
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:22,320
we deserve to smile more
and we've definitely
done that since he arrived.
429
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:25,640
Rae!
430
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,240
And…
431
00:34:31,240 --> 00:34:38,560
…and the second thing is
I just wanted to tell
everyone the truth… about me.
432
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:46,800
Um… in the Spring
I was admitted to a mental home
433
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,840
because I kept
trying to hurt myself.
434
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,600
I am actually mad.
435
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,760
And I do really weird things
436
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:59,240
like turn light switches on
and off in divisions of eight.
437
00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:04,800
I've cut myself.
I burn myself with hot water.
438
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:06,120
Well, I used to.
439
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,120
And I've got this
funny relationship
440
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:11,680
with a larder in our house
where mum keeps like sweets
and biscuits and crisps
441
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,600
and all the things
that we shouldn't eat.
442
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:15,880
Sorry, Mum.
443
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:23,560
And I… I keep a diary
of all my thoughts.
444
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:27,840
And most of the time
I don't even think about
what I'm writing.
445
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:34,040
Like when I write
about my friends,
when they make me angry,
446
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,040
but it doesn't mean
that I don't love them.
447
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:41,680
And you know,
I write a lot about boys.
448
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,720
I've fantasized quite a lot
about about, um…
449
00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:48,720
…doctors, teachers,
actors, pop stars…
450
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:53,760
…any man that I've come in
contact with in any way really.
451
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:58,200
But, well, some more than others.
452
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,320
So, um…
Well, that's the truth.
453
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:08,600
So, thanks, thanks for listening.
454
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,480
Hello… Hello…
455
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,640
I need to say something!
I need to say something!
456
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:38,880
Izzy, I fucking love you.
457
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:42,400
That's the truth.
I love you. Come here!
458
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:54,320
I need…
I need to say something.
459
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,160
I'm uh…
460
00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:03,640
Uh, I'm just so pleased to
be included in your special day,
461
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,440
a wonderful celebration.
462
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:11,800
Come here, Rae.
463
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:24,960
That was very brave of you.
464
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:30,120
You look like
you're having nice time.
465
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,240
I'm having an awful time, Rae.
466
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:34,440
Why, what happened?
467
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,440
My best friend
never came to my wedding.
468
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:43,400
[breathes deeply
469
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,960
I had to think
about everything today.
470
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,960
And I know this morning
I said I was fine
471
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:55,040
about the letters
and about Dad but…
472
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,280
I'm not fine.
473
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:01,480
I don't think
I've been fine for years.
474
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:03,160
Well…
475
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:05,080
I wrote them because
476
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,160
I wanted to make you feel
477
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:07,400
like you had someone there.
478
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:12,520
Mum, I did have someone there.
479
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:21,000
Have I still got chance
to be part of this family?
480
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:27,520
Rae… you are this family.
481
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:32,080
I love you more than
anything on earth.
482
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,920
If I didn't,
I'd be in Tunisia
483
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:38,040
where it's
30 bloody degrees everyday.
484
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:41,720
Come here…
485
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:50,560
Mum. We'll never be
a hugging family will we?
486
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:53,240
Can I have
the bride and groom, please.
The bride and groom!
487
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:54,960
That's me, so come on!
488
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,160
Hi, everyone. Hi, again…
489
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,440
Thank you for coming
to celebrate our wedding,
490
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:05,760
we really appreciate it
491
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:09,360
and wondered if you would
join us in our first dance.
492
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:12,920
It's a really special song for us.
493
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,440
I can't believe you just did that.
494
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,240
Listen, Chloe,
the things you read,
495
00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:46,400
like the things about Archie…
496
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,760
I don't care what
you tell people about me,
497
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:52,680
but you can't say anything about
anyone else. It's not fair.
498
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:54,280
What things?
499
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,280
Look, Rae, what I said in there,
I didn't mean it.
500
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:03,040
You can have it back.
501
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,000
This is what you were angry about?
502
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,840
Wouldn't you be angry
if your best mate
503
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,440
said you didn't deserve someone!
504
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,080
What are you laughing at?
505
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,760
- Chloe…
- What?
506
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:25,280
I didn't mean it.
507
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,600
Well, me and Finn aren't
going out now anyway.
508
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:33,120
We spoke about it and we just
decided we're different people.
509
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:36,680
Now, we both know
that's total bollocks.
510
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,040
It's 'cause he's not interested.
511
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,760
So your welcome to him, I guess.
512
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,280
Am I a bitch, Rae?
513
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:45,560
Everyone can be a bitch.
514
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,040
Yeah, but some more
than others, isn't it?
515
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:53,920
Chloe… you're not a bitch.
516
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:56,360
Alright then, I'm not!
517
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:57,640
- Are you coming in?
- Yeah.
518
00:40:57,640 --> 00:40:59,080
I'd like to give you all
the precious gift
519
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,360
of one of the greatest song
of all time.
520
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,480
And if anyone asks you
who made you rock out to this,
521
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,560
you tell them
it was Arnold Peters.
522
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,160
Yeah?
523
00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:12,200
♪ How many special people change ♪
524
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:15,400
♪ How many lives
are living strange ♪
525
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:20,360
♪ Where were you while we
were getting high? ♪
526
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:22,640
- Archie…
- Yeah?
527
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,760
♪ Slowly walking down the hall ♪
528
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:28,280
- Where's Finn?
- He said something about going
to the Chippy.
529
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:33,200
♪ Where were you
while we were getting high? ♪
530
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:36,480
♪ Some day you will find me
531
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,280
Finn.
532
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:15,160
Why didn't you tell me?
533
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,360
I'm so sorry.
534
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,680
I want to tell you something.
535
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,680
What?
536
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:32,480
I'm no good with words.
I'm no good with speaking.
537
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:02,520
Finn… don't say that
if you don't mean it.
538
00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:07,320
I don't believe you.
539
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:10,320
I don't… I don't care
if you don't believe me.
540
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:19,680
So what now?
541
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,040
Your Auntie Bet's
got terrible spelling.
542
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,040
"Congratulations on your weeding"?
543
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:00,280
Aww, thanks for
the wedding card, Rae!
544
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:01,920
What wedding card?
545
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,800
The one you left on your desk.
546
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,320
Oh, fuck!
547
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,440
That's not for you.
548
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,960
Oh, it's for your
other mum, is it?
549
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,920
You talk more random than
duck's shite sometimes, you.
550
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:30,560
They are… um…
it is there home in…
551
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,360
They had born…
They're born…
552
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,880
So, why don't you
tell me how you're feeling?
553
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:14,080
Same old.
554
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,040
I just wish I could
make Tix better.
555
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:19,280
It's a really good sign
that she made it
through the night.
556
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,560
So I don't get where I am.
557
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,440
I tried to do something stupid.
558
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,920
So do you think
I need to come back
into the hospital?
559
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:32,640
No.
560
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,360
So do you think I'm better?
561
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,160
No.
562
00:45:37,720 --> 00:45:39,400
So what?
563
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:42,520
I think you're ready
to start therapy.
42631
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