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1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:05,714
These allegations that I
have sent inappropriate pictures
2
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:08,383
over the internet
are completely ridiculous.
3
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:10,927
They are levied
by my political rivals
4
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:14,264
who are trying to embarrass me
and advance their own agenda.
5
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:17,434
So let me be perfectly clear.
6
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,560
These allegations are false.
7
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:21,104
I will be vindicated.
8
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,355
- Okay, please, questions.
[all speaking at once]
9
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:23,690
- Senator, senator.
[overlapping shouting]
10
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:27,068
TMZ has obtained an actual
photo of your genitalia.
11
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,112
They're posting it
to their website as we speak.
12
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,572
They're saying you took it.
13
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,364
How do you respond?
14
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:35,618
[cameras clicking]
- Hmm? Okay.
15
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,538
I may have sent one photo
of my genitalia.
16
00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:39,789
- All right?
(reporters) Senator, senator!
17
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,082
Okay, but I assure you
that's an isolated incident.
18
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:44,252
- It was a one-time thing. Okay?
[overlapping shouting]
19
00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,045
- Yes. Mark?
- Senator,
20
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,005
what about the new report
21
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,298
that there are three
new pictures
22
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,299
having been sent
to three different women?
23
00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,801
That's not a one-time thing.
That's a lot of--
24
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,511
What second-rate news
organization is trying to--
25
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:55,597
New York Times.
26
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,974
(all)
Oh...oh...
27
00:00:58,057 --> 00:01:00,602
O--
It was--it was four total.
28
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:01,811
- No more. That was it.
[all speaking at once]
29
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,147
It was just--
It was four, and no more.
30
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,482
Questions? Yes, Amy.
31
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:08,902
Yes, you are sure that there
were only four photos sent?
32
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:10,320
That's it. Four. That's all.
33
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:11,529
There's no more than four.
34
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,323
Then how do you explain
the one you sent me?
35
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,742
- What?
[all gasping]
36
00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:18,328
Everybody please, please.
37
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,788
I'm begging you.
38
00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:24,626
I'm begging you to forgive me
for the foibles
39
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:25,877
and transgressions.
40
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,962
It was the reckless act
of a younger man.
41
00:01:28,045 --> 00:01:29,881
A younger man?
You sent it two seconds
42
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,174
before you stepped on stage.
43
00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,342
(man)
Senator, senator,
that's very recent.
44
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:33,509
Yeah, Amy,
45
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:37,138
last time I checked,
time is still real, okay?
46
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,431
So, technically speaking...
[text message dings]
47
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:39,933
I am much older now
than I was
48
00:01:40,015 --> 00:01:42,143
- all of those seconds ago.
[all cell phones beeping]
49
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,144
- Did I just--
- Are you guys--
50
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,479
- Oh, my God, yeah.
- What?
51
00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:46,689
- What's happening right now?
- I just got one.
52
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:50,151
[all speaking at once]
53
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,319
Senator,
how are you even doing this?
54
00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:53,112
You have no proof
that I am doing anything--
55
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,990
- [all gasping]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
56
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,741
I'm sorry. I'm sorry again.
57
00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:00,537
I'm sorry again.
58
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,120
I'm sorry one more time.
59
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,038
Oh, wait a second.
60
00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:04,499
You can do it,
but I can't do it?
61
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,960
[overlapping shouting]
62
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,669
Get in there, get in there.
63
00:02:08,752 --> 00:02:11,422
[all groaning]
Oh!
64
00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:15,552
[haunting Western music]
65
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:23,643
♪ ♪
66
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,036
- So we're good friends, right?
- Mm hmm.
67
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,915
So if you found out
68
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,627
that I had killed somebody...
69
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:50,753
Mm hmm.
70
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:53,631
Would you snitch?
71
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,676
No.
72
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:59,429
Clearly, you would snitch.
73
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,681
You would go
straight to the fuzz.
74
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:03,391
[tapping]
75
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:04,934
Is the word "murder"
with two Rs?
76
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:05,894
Okay.
77
00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:07,896
[haunting Western music]
78
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,866
[snaps]
First things first.
79
00:03:19,949 --> 00:03:21,743
I do not care that you're
80
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,287
a multi-platinum selling
rapper, Gun Rack.
81
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,915
What I care about
is that I, 100%,
82
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,082
know that you murdered
Darnell Simmons.
83
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,210
So,
you better start talking.
84
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:34,297
[dramatic music]
85
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:37,466
♪ ♪
86
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,219
[softly] Yeah,
but you ain't got nothing.
87
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,263
Oh. Uh, you know,
88
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:45,141
I'm actually, I'm very glad
that you said that.
89
00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:49,812
Because I--respectfully,
I beg to differ.
90
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,022
[hip hop music
on tape player]
91
00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:54,484
♪ I killed Darnell, yeah,
I shot him with my nine ♪
92
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,153
♪ I shot him nine times,
9:00 PM on the dime ♪
93
00:03:57,236 --> 00:04:00,907
♪ And by the way,
it was November 9th ♪
94
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:02,075
[music stops]
95
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:10,208
That don't mean nothing.
96
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,712
I got a vivid imagination.
97
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:18,298
I couldn't have shot
Darnell.
98
00:04:18,382 --> 00:04:21,844
I was at my cousin's
birthday party.
99
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,806
Red Lobster, November 9th.
100
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,891
- At Red Lobster?
- Mm hmm.
101
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:28,184
Geez, I got to tell you,
Gun Rack,
102
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:31,771
I find that really hard
to believe.
103
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,815
[music continues]
- ♪ I got an alibi ♪
104
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:35,066
♪ Birthday,
Red Lobster ♪
105
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:39,529
♪ When in reality I shot
Darnell like a mobster ♪
106
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,198
♪ It's a lie,
Anyone could tell this ♪
107
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,701
♪ Because I got an allergy
to all shellfish ♪
108
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:45,868
[music stops]
109
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,496
Just confess, Gun Rack.
110
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:51,040
I confess that "shellfish"
is the only thing
111
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:55,086
that rhymes with "tell this".
112
00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:58,756
It's just words, Detective.
113
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,259
Nouns, adjectives.
114
00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:05,221
That just happen to be
in a dope order.
115
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:09,183
But...you ain't got no proof.
116
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:12,145
[music continues]
- ♪ Shot up Darnell ♪
117
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:13,563
♪ With a long-ass gun ♪
118
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:16,649
♪ And I tossed it
into the aquarium ♪
119
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,068
♪ ♪
120
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,696
I have no idea
what that object is.
121
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:24,574
- I don't--
- If I had to identify it,
122
00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:29,412
I would call it a gun
of the long-ass variety.
123
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:33,249
Some seaweed in there, too.
Look, Detective.
124
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,209
I hate to break it to you.
125
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,920
I ain't kill nobody.
126
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,047
[music continues]
127
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,549
♪ I stroke my chin real slow
when I'm lying ♪
128
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:44,552
♪ And I was laughing super hard
as Darnell was dying ♪
129
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:50,433
The name of the album
is I Killed Darnell Simmons.
130
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:52,435
- It's a concept album.
- A concept--
131
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:53,978
That's a picture of you.
132
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:58,983
A picture of you, and behind you
is Darnell Simmons's body!
133
00:06:02,361 --> 00:06:03,571
Coincidence.
134
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,615
You're going away
for a long time, you understand?
135
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:08,159
You're gonna confess if it's
the last thing you ever do,
136
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:09,869
you hear me, Gun Rack?
I'll beat it out of you.
137
00:06:09,952 --> 00:06:10,787
- Joe.
- I'll beat it out of you.
138
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:11,871
Joe!
139
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,502
He's free to go.
140
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,629
What?
No. No, no, no, no, no.
141
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:20,463
We have everything
we need.
142
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,423
No, it was Simmons's
girlfriend.
143
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,092
She just confessed
to the whole thing.
144
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,928
Infidelity.
Crime of passion.
145
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:29,138
Let's go, Mr. Rack.
146
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,183
[dramatic music]
147
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:40,274
♪ ♪
148
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:46,280
[music from tape player]
- Bonus track, bonus track.
149
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,949
♪ Got a ride or die bitch ♪
150
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,659
♪ I think you get the gist ♪
151
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:53,162
♪ And when you let me out,
I'm gonna blow a little kiss ♪
152
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,165
♪ Consider this my confession
admissible in a court ♪
153
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,501
♪ I killed Darnell Simmons
for sport ♪
154
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,503
[laughs]
♪ That's right, I'm a murderer ♪
155
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,672
- ♪ Come and get me ♪
- Hector, stop!
156
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,341
♪ You can't,
come down the hall and get me ♪
157
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:06,425
♪ Okay, okay,
you got me ♪
158
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:07,677
You got me, you got me.
159
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,679
Yes. Whoa, whoa. Damn.
Ow, ow!
160
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:13,683
[haunting Western music]
161
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,025
Oh, please don't say
anything.
162
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,360
Please just keep
it to yourself, whatever--
163
00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:26,612
[sneezes]
164
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,865
Oh.
Thought you had an idea.
165
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:29,866
I do.
166
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,493
[bleep]
167
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:36,581
- We need to make an app.
- Like, for a Smartphone?
168
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:37,582
An app that all the people
169
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:41,294
could download and then
we make millions.
170
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:42,753
It's just, that [bleep]'s hard
to come up with, man.
171
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:44,046
It's like catching lightning
in a bottle.
172
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,591
I already got that.
173
00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:47,216
You got what?
174
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,177
Lightning in a bottle.
175
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:49,969
Really, what's the idea?
176
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,763
No, no idea.
177
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,891
I got actual lightning
in a bottle.
178
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,185
No, Levi.
179
00:07:57,268 --> 00:08:00,104
That's just a phrase.
180
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:01,147
I got that, dog.
181
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:02,356
[static electricity buzzing]
182
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,066
Lightning in a bottle.
Blip.
183
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,444
That's crazy, son.
Where'd you get that?
184
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:09,488
Some old Chinese man
sold it to me years ago.
185
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:12,742
I mean, that's some
supernatural [bleep], man.
186
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:13,242
Nah, man.
187
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,785
All it does is this.
188
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:15,328
Oh, [bleep]!
189
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,705
Oh, the lightning!
190
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,081
Oh!
191
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,459
I got it.
[sniffs]
192
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:25,588
But seriously, man.
193
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,965
Would it be like an app
that reminds you
194
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,134
when your favorite television
shows are on?
195
00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:36,182
No. It--we got to address this
crazy-ass bottle that you got.
196
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,975
What bottle?
197
00:08:38,058 --> 00:08:38,851
[bleep], what bottle?
198
00:08:38,934 --> 00:08:44,732
The bottle with
the lightning in it.
199
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,401
Are you still on that?
200
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,654
Yes. How does it work?
201
00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:50,821
Cedric, I don't know.
202
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,823
It's the classic lightning
in the bottle gag.
203
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,326
Classic li--
204
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:55,868
You just open it up--
205
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,037
[shouting]
206
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,413
[shrilly]
Oh! Oh!
207
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:00,456
Lightning in the house!
Lightning in the room!
208
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,544
Okay, you know what?
209
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,088
- You shouldn't have this.
- What?
210
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:08,589
This [bleep]--this [bleep]
belongs to
211
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:09,257
the military or something.
212
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:09,924
But that app, though.
213
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:12,760
No. We don't need the app.
214
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:14,262
You've got the goose
that laid the golden egg.
215
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:17,431
How do you know about Honkers?
216
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,642
[mysterious music]
217
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:20,810
What?
This mother--
218
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:21,811
[honk]
219
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,813
Honkers.
220
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,481
Get in on this app idea.
221
00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:26,983
[Honker honks]
- You like it?
222
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,819
[Honkers honks]
- He likes it.
223
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,487
Yep. He got a goddamn
golden egg.
224
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:36,075
Honkers here is the cat's
pajamas.
225
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,077
[ominous music]
226
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:38,786
No, please don't. Don't.
227
00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:39,662
I want to show you something.
228
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,831
Whatever it is,
I don't want to see it.
229
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,083
- It's relevant.
- I already know what it is.
230
00:09:44,165 --> 00:09:47,712
It ain't what you think.
231
00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:51,716
Well, what I think it is
is a pair of cat's pajamas.
232
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:53,926
Yes. These are for Honkers
to wear.
233
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:57,096
[bleep], what?
234
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:57,513
The little neck in there.
235
00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:59,974
The neck--
236
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:03,394
how you gonna fit his head
through this--with the--
237
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:05,646
the orange pump [bleep].
238
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:06,981
[honks]
239
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:11,902
I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave my house.
240
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,112
Why?
241
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:18,200
Because you disrespected
my roommate.
242
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,785
Okay. Okay.
243
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,704
It's clear that this is
a crazy house. So I got to go.
244
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:25,333
You over here talking
about geese and golden eggs
245
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:26,959
and feline sleepwear.
246
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,627
- [honk]
- Come on, man. Cedric.
247
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:32,548
You need to get off
your high horse, man.
248
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,926
Hey, I just thought of a name
for you.
249
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:40,264
♪ ♪
250
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:41,974
High horse.
251
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,810
[neighing]
252
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,604
[haunting Western music]
253
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,734
You get on that sext tip?
254
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:54,153
Yeah, I've sent
explicit texts to my bride.
255
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,488
There you go. That's it.
256
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,698
- That's it.
- Yeah, I'll just--send it off.
257
00:10:57,782 --> 00:10:59,408
'Cause
I know what it does to her.
258
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,576
Like, I know what kind of effect
it would have on her.
259
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,745
- And she'd just--oh!
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
260
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,789
That's a big part of it.
But then you got to follow
261
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,916
through with the whole
sext thing.
262
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,251
It's like, you just type
the word "insertion".
263
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,587
- Mm-hmm.
- Send.
264
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:15,049
That's the whole thing.
I'm done.
265
00:11:15,132 --> 00:11:16,884
Shouldn't you write, like,
"insertion",
266
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:19,595
and then, the next one
you should just write "in."
267
00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:22,139
And then the next one
is "out."
268
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:22,848
And then "in."
And then "out."
269
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,476
Just send a bunch of those.
270
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:27,937
Some guys
go longer than other.
271
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,605
What? So you're just done
at "insertion"?
272
00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:32,900
Sometimes I'm just "inserti--,"
and then--
273
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:36,612
- And then it's done?
- I'll just hit "send."
274
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:37,196
[haunting Western music]
275
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:42,785
[bluesy music]
276
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:47,164
Ha ha.
Whoo-whee!
277
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,915
Miss Clarissa,
I'm gonna tell you, girl.
278
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,252
In that dress,
you looking about as sweet
279
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:55,047
as a field full of honeysuckle
after a spring rain shower.
280
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:58,634
[chuckles]
How do you do it, girl?
281
00:11:58,717 --> 00:11:59,718
Mm!
That ass, though.
282
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,643
- What was that?
- What was what?
283
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,019
What you just said to her.
284
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,439
Oh. Well, I was
just following your lead.
285
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:12,690
No you wasn't.
286
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:13,315
You was being all heavy-handed
with it, man.
287
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:17,528
You got to be subtle.
288
00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,572
- Subtle.
- Exactly.
289
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:22,366
You got to be subtle if you
wanna talk to them ladies.
290
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,325
I can do that.
291
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,368
[bluesy harmonica]
292
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:25,244
Whoo hoo hoo!
Whee!
293
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,663
Miss Denise, girl,
294
00:12:27,746 --> 00:12:30,833
the way that dress
is flowing,
295
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:34,211
you look like a mountain creek
after a spring thaw.
296
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,422
Simply refreshing.
297
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:39,133
What...is...your...secret?
298
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:40,426
The way that dress
fitting on you
299
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:44,346
got them...titties
popping out.
300
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,808
- What--
- Amazing.
301
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:50,769
What. Is. Your.
Secret?
302
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:51,645
What are you--
what are you doing?
303
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,398
I was just doing
what you was doing.
304
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,649
No, you wasn't.
305
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,693
I even said
"What. Is. Your. Secret?"
306
00:12:57,776 --> 00:12:59,778
- That's verbatim!
- That part was.
307
00:12:59,862 --> 00:13:03,032
Did you hear me say anything
about anybody's titties?
308
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:05,576
No.
309
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:06,869
You know what?
310
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,538
How about we just say
no words altogether.
311
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,665
- No words altogether.
- Mm-hmm.
312
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,209
- Question.
- Yes?
313
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,503
- How will I talk?
- You're not gonna talk, okay?
314
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,545
All right.
315
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:17,713
Hoo hoo whee!
316
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:21,300
Ladies, I'm sorry,
y'all hurt my eye.
317
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,802
Y'all just, like, smoldering.
Like the sun.
318
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,387
And just as bright in them
beautiful dresses.
319
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,556
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!
320
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,852
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-
mm-mm--
321
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,522
Mm! Mm! Mm!
Vagina.
322
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,107
What the hell was that?
323
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:39,235
Oh. I did say a word
at the end there, didn't I?
324
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,195
Did you see the part
where all this was going on
325
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,404
and shaking your tail feathers
and whatnot?
326
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:46,116
I didn't see it--I got
the worst view in the house.
327
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,244
That's what
chased them away, man.
328
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:49,954
- All right.
- You know what?
329
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,206
- Stay away from me.
- All right.
330
00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:56,377
Whoo whee!
331
00:13:56,460 --> 00:14:00,631
Miss Laverne.
332
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:04,802
You like
a long-stemmed rose,
333
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:06,136
the way
you looking and smelling.
334
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:07,846
Mm-mm-mm-mm!
335
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,641
What is your recipe?
336
00:14:10,724 --> 00:14:12,268
Damn, boy.
337
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:13,269
I bet you got a big old dick
and balls.
338
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,939
I love you.
339
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,613
[haunting Western music]
340
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,631
Lee! Lee!
341
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:43,966
Oh, [bleep]!
342
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:46,135
Oh, Lee, I'm sorry,
buddy.
343
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,761
I can't believe it.
344
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,263
Thank you so much
for coming.
345
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,432
I haven't seen you
in years.
346
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,517
Oh...
347
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,311
Yeah.
348
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,313
Oh!
349
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:01,442
Yeah, hey.
350
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:04,445
Stuart!
351
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,696
- Yes!
- Man.
352
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:08,991
Oh, I haven't seen you since--
353
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,200
- Eighth grade.
- Eighth grade.
354
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:11,452
- Miss Lacy's class?
- Yeah...I know, I know.
355
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:15,122
Miss Lacy's Class!
Ha ha!
356
00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:15,581
Oh, you brought me
flowers?
357
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:18,167
Mm-hmm.
358
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,835
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
359
00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:20,919
I bought these at a store
for you.
360
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:24,965
You didn't have
to bring me flowers, man.
361
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,008
Here you go.
362
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,927
Crazy the way
I went out like that, huh?
363
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,346
- Yeah.
- What was that?
364
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,848
- What?
I was like, when I heard,
365
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:34,016
I was like, "What the [bleep]?"
366
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,977
Oh, well of course, I mean--
[bleep] Boulder?
367
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,854
Who'd have thought!
368
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:39,897
Boulder. Right.
I mean it's like,
369
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,358
who gets killed
by a boulder these days?
370
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:43,984
Well, I mean--I mean,
not me.
371
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,694
I mean I was
in Boulder, Colorado.
372
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,696
I was hiking, and then
I fell off that mountain.
373
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,822
Remember?
374
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:49,865
You remember, right?
Boulder, Colorado.
375
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:52,076
- Yeah!
- I was hiking, and then I--
376
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,869
- No, I-I know!
- I was dehydrated,
377
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:55,329
then they
couldn't find me.
378
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:56,622
No, I was saying,
like, if you think about it,
379
00:15:56,705 --> 00:16:00,334
Boulder killed you.
380
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:01,210
Well, not really Boulder.
381
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,336
I wouldn't say the city,
per se.
382
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,713
It was the--it was the cougar
that got me.
383
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,006
And then that's what everyone
was talking about.
384
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:08,217
I mean, God, I was out there
for like, three weeks.
385
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,051
- Yeah.
- Jeez.
386
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:11,220
But that's neither here
nor there.
387
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,388
So, hey, did you get
388
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,222
that LinkedIn invitation
I sent you before I died?
389
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,557
I--you know,
390
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,100
um, I mean, I don't--
391
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:19,019
when I see LinkedIn,
392
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,229
I just delete it
without even checking,
393
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,939
- because I've just got...
- No, no, I got you.
394
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,899
- so much...on my plate.
- Totally, yeah, yeah.
395
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,067
- I get it, I get it.
- So...
396
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:29,071
Hey, so w-what
did you want to say to me?
397
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,781
- Um, what do you mean?
- You know, that's why
398
00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:31,699
people come
to graveyards, right?
399
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,033
Is so you can say
the stuff
400
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,785
- that you wish you had said...
- Right, right--
401
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:37,955
when someone was alive,
right?
402
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:40,082
Oh, my God.
There's so much stuff.
403
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:41,375
Okay, where do I start?
404
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,168
- Um...
- Take your time, man.
405
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:46,505
You can lay a couple on me today
and then come back.
406
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:49,675
Yeah, I mean--yeah,
I can get it done here.
407
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:51,009
'Cause that's the whole reason
408
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,095
- I came down here, you know.
- Sure. Yeah, yeah.
409
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:56,098
Plus my grandfather's
like two rows down there.
410
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:59,101
- Oh.
- I was gonna come to you,
411
00:16:59,184 --> 00:16:59,935
say some things to you,
412
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:04,857
go to him,
and sort of finish up...
413
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:07,192
- Oh...
- there.
414
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,028
But you were coming
to see me too?
415
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,612
Totally, totally, totally.
416
00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:12,156
Well, fire away, man.
417
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,241
You're the only good friend
I have who's come to visit.
418
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,617
Yeah.
419
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:18,119
Really? Yeah.
420
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:19,079
Uh-huh.
421
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:22,790
I just wanted to, uh,
say that, oh,
422
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,627
if you see my grandfather,
423
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,588
maybe you could
just tell him that--
424
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:30,132
Okay, so you didn't
come here to visit me.
425
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,675
You came here
to see your grandfather.
426
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:32,843
I get it.
427
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,763
Well, what do you mean?
What are you talking about?
428
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,973
Oh--pffft!
[bleep], please.
429
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:38,682
I'm here to see you.
430
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,726
- Why--
- Right.
431
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,479
Okay. It's cool.
You know what,
432
00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:46,482
I'm just gonna, you know,
go back to the afterlife.
433
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:47,524
I'm sorry.
I'm behind hostile.
434
00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:49,485
It's just a little
embarrassed right now,
435
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,028
- a little taken off guard.
- I'm just gonna...
436
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,741
No, go ahead, take them.
Get them.
437
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,493
- Yeah.
- Go ahead, get them, Get them.
438
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:00,120
[mumbling]
439
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,419
Oh, uh,
just a heads up, though, Lee.
440
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:12,132
Um, I'm probably gonna haunt you
for the rest of your life,
441
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:13,467
and if you have a daughter,
442
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:15,260
I'm gonna
possess the creepiest doll
443
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,637
- in her bedroom.
- No.
444
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,763
- Just so you know.
- No, no, no, no, no,
445
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,515
wait, wait, wait.
Stevie, Stevie, Stevie.
446
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:20,098
Stuart!
447
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,143
[haunting Western music]
448
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,107
- Do you believe in ghosts?
- I'm not--no.
449
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:30,859
I'm not a big ghost guy.
450
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,528
I don't have any ghosts
in my house.
451
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,029
I know a lot of people
just talking about, "Oh, yeah,
452
00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:34,988
"there's a ghost.
There's a ghost.
453
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:37,199
- I feel her."
- "Oh, she's there."
454
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,867
"I feel her presence
every time
455
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,869
- I go to the dining room."
- My aunt had a ghost.
456
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:41,870
She used to say,
and she goes, "And then one day,
457
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,121
I just named him Phillip."
458
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:46,291
That's the crazy [bleep],
when a mother[bleep]
459
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,837
is like so believes that there's
a ghost in their house
460
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,089
that they've gone
past the point of being scared.
461
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,466
They just say, "Oh, no,
that's just Phillip."
462
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:55,676
- "Yeah, he floats up high..."
- "He's just knocking--
463
00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,928
He's just knocking the coriander
off of the spice shelf.
464
00:18:58,011 --> 00:19:00,222
- No big deal."
- "He's mad
465
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,390
- 'cause I'm making chili."
- "Because I'm making
466
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:02,516
- chili today."
- "He don't like chili."
467
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:03,725
"He lives in the spice rack
468
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,769
and doesn't want me messing
with all the stuff."
469
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:07,229
- "Owes me a little rent."
- "Okay, Phillip."
470
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,814
That's what my aunt
used to say.
471
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:09,523
I said, "You got a straight
poltergeist in your house
472
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:11,191
and you named him Phillip?"
473
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,862
It's like, how about--
how about option B--you crazy.
474
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:15,821
[laughs]
475
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:19,908
[haunting Western music]
476
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,994
[police radio chatter]
477
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,787
Look at this mess.
478
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,122
Makes me sick.
479
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:28,959
There's no way to stop
this kind of insane violence.
480
00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:30,168
Seems like no matter
what we do,
481
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,754
some innocent fool
is always gonna get slaughtered,
482
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,214
and we're always gonna
be playing catch up.
483
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:37,759
We're never gonna find the guy
that did this.
484
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,262
Tell that to his widow.
485
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,437
And we're always going
to be playing catch up.
486
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:49,688
We're never gonna find the guy
that did this.
487
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:53,108
[sobbing]
488
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,494
[haunting Western music]
489
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,125
Do you ever pretend
like you understand something
490
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:13,378
when you don't really
understand it?
491
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:16,131
Yeah, to end conversations.
492
00:20:16,214 --> 00:20:17,299
Ha ha ha!
493
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:21,595
If your significant other's
asking you a question,
494
00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,096
you ain't gonna be
like "I don't know."
495
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:25,098
I won't do it.
It's so hard for me
496
00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:27,517
to just go,
"I don't know."
497
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,977
You'd be like, "Well..."
498
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:29,895
"Well..."
499
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,480
It's probably the--
500
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,815
the back of the airplane
that's heavier."
501
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:35,484
- Right, right, right.
- "So that's why
502
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:36,443
"it wants to take off
503
00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:38,862
- with the lightest part first."
- Yes.
504
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,822
"Well, we're talking
about different parts of a cell.
505
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,407
There's the, you know,
the mitochondria, there's
506
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:43,825
- the endoplasmic reticulum"--
- Oh, just lipping now...
507
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,495
And then I just out of--I just
say "endoplasmic reticulum"
508
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:47,496
and then run out of the room.
509
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,331
You're just talking
about riboflavin.
510
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:50,540
Yeah, and then run.
Yeah, yeah.
511
00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,459
"Hemoglobin."
Run, run, go.
512
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,169
Hemoglobin, hemoglobin,
hemoglobin...
513
00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,129
both: Hemoglobin, hemoglobin,
hemoglobin, hemoglobin--
514
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,256
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
515
00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:58,382
Oh, yeah.
516
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:04,513
[overlapping shouting]
517
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:05,764
(man)
He's back.
518
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:08,433
He's back. He's back.
Yeah.
519
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,143
[crowd groans]
Oh!
520
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,021
You want it!
You know you want it!
521
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,439
[crowd groaning, shouting]
(man) Oh, my God!
522
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:15,440
(man)
Come on.
He spread them.
37353
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