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1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:03,920
(male announcer)
Joey Blunts
in the m-m-m-morning.
2
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:06,214
Yo, Joey Blunts here,
101.2.
3
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299
[all talking at once]
4
00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:09,050
Yo, hey,
everybody, man.
5
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:11,386
We still tripping
on that last--
6
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,304
[all talking at once]
7
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,765
- That was crazy!
- Wardrobe malfunction.
8
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,559
[laughs]
9
00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:19,227
Y'all are crazy.
I can't tell you no more.
10
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,479
Like, all dirty,
but she's crazy.
11
00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:24,566
- Would you do that, Meatball?
- Look, man...
12
00:00:24,649 --> 00:00:25,775
I grew up
in the hood, all right?
13
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,110
So no.
14
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,528
[laughter]
15
00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:29,988
No, he would want to,
but he can't do it
16
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,489
'cause of that fat ass.
17
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,450
[laughs]
18
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,951
Why y'all always
clowning on Meatball?
19
00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,286
Meatball!
20
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,620
You brought it up.
21
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:38,246
For real, though.
22
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:41,291
You're a lesser person.
23
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:41,833
Y'all you two
got to stop playing.
24
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,460
Meatball!
25
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:44,961
Lady J with me here,
Meatball.
26
00:00:45,044 --> 00:00:46,337
Meatball.
27
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,881
This the top of the hour.
I'm Joey Blunts.
28
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:48,256
We'll be right back.
29
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,802
[indistinct talking over radio]
30
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:12,280
(man)
And back from commercial.
31
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,240
(announcer)
KBeat 101.3.
32
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:17,118
[all screaming]
33
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:20,705
Meatball, Meatball!
34
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,709
[haunting Western music]
35
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:32,675
♪
36
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:49,526
So, dude,
I swear to God, man.
37
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,196
Stewardesses
are looking hot to me.
38
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:55,490
I don't care
how old,
39
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:57,991
what shape.
40
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,370
I'm just like,
let's--
41
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,830
- Let's go.
- Let's go.
42
00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:03,706
- Let's go.
- I'll meet you at the toilet.
43
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,501
Bring me an Advil
and some ginger ale.
44
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:07,752
[laughs]
45
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,213
[woman's voice]
Can I get you anything else?
46
00:02:10,295 --> 00:02:11,381
[normal voice]
Yeah, you can.
47
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,216
One time, I had, like,
a sinus infection
48
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,551
when the plane
was coming down,
49
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,885
and, shit, my girl
was just like,
50
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,179
"I know. I know.
I'm so sorry."
51
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,180
She was like,
"I know.
52
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,558
Oh, I'm so sorry."
53
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,643
[moaning]
54
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,978
Okay, all right.
55
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:29,858
(Mark)
He's disgusting.
56
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,026
Bernard?
He's disgusting.
57
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,570
He's not even like her.
58
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:34,737
He's an airplane technician.
I mean, come on.
59
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,740
And he talks too much.
That's why I like you.
60
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,075
You don't talk.
You just listen.
61
00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:40,910
- It's good.
[bell dings]
62
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,664
Okay.
63
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:47,250
And the captain has turned on
the "fasten seat belt" sign.
64
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,835
Got a little turbulence
coming up.
65
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,253
Should be no problem.
66
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,380
Just remain in your seat
until the sign is turned off.
67
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,007
Thank you
for your cooperation.
68
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,384
Okay.
69
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,140
Excuse me.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
70
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,434
Hi, excuse me.
71
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:05,977
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
72
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,770
I'm gonna need you
to take your seat.
73
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,897
The "fasten seat belt"
sign is on.
74
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:09,522
Yeah, I'm just gonna go
to the bathroom for a second.
75
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,649
I'll be
right back, okay?
76
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:12,984
I understand
what you want to do.
77
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,444
Unfortunately,
I'm gonna need you
78
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:15,653
to observe
the "fasten seat belt" sign.
79
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,406
That'd be
much appreciated.
80
00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:19,782
Right, it's just
I read on the Internet
81
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,618
that it's not
against the law
82
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:22,160
for me to go
to the bathroom
83
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,247
"Seat belt" sign
is on.
84
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,666
But is it
against the law, though?
85
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:29,792
The light is on.
86
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,002
[inhales sharply]
87
00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:32,629
Is it against the law?
88
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,088
You see
that there's a picture
89
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,298
of a seat belt
on that sign.
90
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,800
I know, but is it
against the law, though?
91
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:38,593
The "fasten seat belt" sign
is on.
92
00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:41,054
But is it against
the law, though?
93
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,680
- "Seat belt" sign is on.
- But is it against the law?
94
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,307
- But is it against the law?
- "Seat belt" sign.
95
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,642
- But is it against the law?
- It's on.
96
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,435
- Law.
- "Seat belt" sign is on.
97
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:48,478
- Legal.
- "Seat belt" sign is on.
98
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,103
- Lawful.
- "Seat belt" sign is on.
99
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,981
- Sir, you're being difficult.
- Law.
100
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,524
- You're being very difficult.
- Law, law, law.
101
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,276
- Seat belt, seat belt.
- Not illegal, not illegal.
102
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,028
- Okay.
- Legal.
103
00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,279
- Fasten--
- Legal.
104
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,657
- Fasten your seat--
- Legal.
105
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,116
- Sir.
- I have to piss.
106
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,285
And I have to shit
in the toilet.
107
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,328
Can you lower
your voice?
108
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,664
[whispering]
I have to piss,
and I have to shit.
109
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:08,247
Okay, lower
your intensity.
110
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:09,666
You're louder
than me.
111
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,000
You're yelling
in my face.
112
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,503
Sir, you're the one who I think
needs to tone it down right now.
113
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:14,420
You are
screaming at me.
114
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:18,466
[whispering]
You're hurting my eardrums.
115
00:04:18,548 --> 00:04:21,427
[mouthing words]
116
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,932
[mouthing words]
117
00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:28,851
That wasn't
a word.
118
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:29,852
You're not saying
a word there.
119
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,688
This is a word.
120
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,106
- That's not--
- That's a word.
121
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:36,526
That's not a word.
That's a tongue trick.
122
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,528
Okay, sir.
Sir, sir.
123
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:38,736
If you would like--
124
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,824
I would not like
to sit down.
125
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:47,704
What I'd like to do is go
take a shit in the bathroom...
126
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:50,248
because it's not
127
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:54,544
against the law.
128
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:58,172
So I'm gonna go
to the bathroom, okay?
129
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,386
Mark with a K.
130
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,347
[tense music]
131
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:14,313
♪
132
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:34,334
♪
133
00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:47,930
[people scream]
134
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,776
[people screaming]
135
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,945
[dramatic choral music]
136
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:09,827
♪
137
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:15,583
[people screaming]
138
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:31,974
♪
139
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:55,289
♪
140
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,962
[people screaming]
141
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:10,304
♪
142
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:37,248
♪
143
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,836
[exhales deeply]
144
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,045
[bell dings]
145
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,053
And your captain has turned off
the "fasten seat belt" sign.
146
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,973
Feel free to move
around the cabin.
147
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:54,390
Thank you
for your cooperation.
148
00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:58,561
[dark music]
149
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:04,859
[whimsical music]
150
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:07,153
♪
151
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:08,696
[blows raspberry]
152
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,160
[coins jingle]
153
00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,122
ding!
154
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:24,921
♪
155
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,088
Wow.
156
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:44,565
♪
157
00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:58,496
[haunting Western music]
158
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:01,540
Good to see you,
old boy.
159
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,293
- Yes.
- How was Kenya?
160
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,796
I love Kenya.
Absolutely adore the place.
161
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:07,672
You know,
it's so important
162
00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:10,258
to protect them,
you know...
163
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:10,967
Indeed.
164
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:11,676
The few untouched
tribes left.
165
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:14,637
- Indeed.
- Yes.
166
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:15,846
And while we're
on the subject,
167
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,098
I've got something
of a confession to make.
168
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:19,308
Oh, dear.
169
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,977
While I was down there,
I caught the attention
170
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,311
of a young Masai woman.
171
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,020
You didn't.
172
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:23,771
She took me
for an exotic,
173
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:26,399
sophisticated superman
of sorts
174
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:27,608
and developed something
of a liking to me.
175
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,361
Well, isn't that
always the way?
176
00:09:30,444 --> 00:09:31,862
Yes, it is.
177
00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,531
And it's quite awful,
Gerald.
178
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:34,824
She came down to my hut
179
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,534
wearing nothing
but a fertility headdress
180
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,120
and carrying
a husband stick,
181
00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:41,872
and, oh, I had to participate
in the customs.
182
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:44,083
Well, it would be
morally irresponsible
183
00:09:44,165 --> 00:09:45,084
if you did not participate
in the custom.
184
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:48,045
You could destroy
their entire social structure.
185
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:48,713
Oh, I felt so terrible
about it.
186
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:52,008
Of course
you did, Gerald.
187
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:55,136
- I felt terrible seven times.
- Oh, dreadful.
188
00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:56,596
But, you know, Gerald,
I, too, have a confession.
189
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,222
Do tell.
190
00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,682
Remember several years ago
when I went to the Amazon?
191
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:00,766
- Yes.
- Yes.
192
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,185
Well, I accidentally packed
a lighter in my satchel.
193
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,228
Oh, my.
194
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:07,189
Yes, well, one day,
I absent-mindedly lit the flint,
195
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,733
and the entire village
took me for a god.
196
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:09,900
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
197
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:10,735
Every sundown,
as I was being fellated
198
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:13,321
by all the young women
of the village,
199
00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,322
which is the local custom,
200
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:18,367
I was completly embarassed by
the entire affair.
201
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,828
I can only imagine
in some vivid detail,
202
00:10:20,911 --> 00:10:24,915
but you can't deny
the local custom.
203
00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,584
You absolutely cannot deny
the local customs.
204
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:29,170
(both)
You can't deny
the local customs.
205
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:32,506
One thing you must do
is adhere to the local customs.
206
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,341
[muttering]
207
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:34,842
You must adhere
to the local customs.
208
00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:36,761
[both muttering]
209
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,095
[muttering]
You must adhere
to the local customs.
210
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,348
Local customs
must not be denied!
211
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:41,557
It's, oh, the least
one can do.
212
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,768
It all reminds me of the time
I was in Papua New Guinea
213
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:47,605
and I introduced the local tribe
to the French term
214
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,231
ménage à trois.
215
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,108
After that evening,
a couple of the local men
216
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:51,442
called me "Papua."
217
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:52,777
Oh, dear.
218
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:55,946
Whoops-a-daisy!
219
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:56,947
[imitates explosion]
220
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:58,699
Whoops-a-daisy,
indeed.
221
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,619
It's getting harder and harder
to protect the local tribes
222
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:04,080
from the influence
of the outside civilizations.
223
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:06,916
I know exactly what you mean,
old boy, exactly,
224
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,417
and I must confess
that the last time
225
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:09,752
I was deep in the bush
in Australia...
226
00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,087
Yes?
227
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,380
I ended up deep in bush
in Australia.
228
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:13,964
Boo-yah.
229
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,633
Well, where are you
off to now, old boy?
230
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:17,051
I'm off to Tanzania.
231
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,803
Tanzania--make sure
that you go during an eclipse,
232
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:20,805
because then everyone
will want to have sex with you.
233
00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:21,889
(both)
Mm.
234
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,558
Hmm.
235
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,434
[chuckles]
236
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,435
(both)
Regrettably.
237
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,146
[both muttering, humming]
238
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:34,860
[haunting Western music]
239
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:40,408
You think you--
do you think you are a sexist?
240
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:41,951
Um, uh...
241
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,452
much to my chagrin,
yes, I am.
242
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,453
- You are.
- I am.
243
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,788
I try not to be,
but I am.
244
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:47,081
And that's good
that you know that.
245
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:48,124
Oh, yeah.
246
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:51,293
'Cause I'm--if anything,
I'm sexist against men.
247
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:56,173
We sexualize women
as soon as possible.
248
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,925
It's the first thing
we do.
249
00:11:58,008 --> 00:12:00,010
I took a woman's studies class
in college,
250
00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,805
and we were in a discussion
with the professor--
251
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:03,931
Ah, you got in
a woman's studies class, dog.
252
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,850
No, no, no, Jordan.
253
00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,268
I know what
you're doing, dude.
254
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,477
Yeah.
255
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,937
Get a little
extracurriculars.
256
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:10,980
Oh, my God.
257
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,023
We gots to do--
anybody want to work
258
00:12:13,107 --> 00:12:15,776
on this project
at my house afterwards?
259
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,153
That's some nice shit, dude.
260
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,821
[haunting Western music]
261
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,824
[bright music]
262
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:25,494
[applause]
263
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:31,041
What if we told y'all
that once a month,
264
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,877
half the human race
is in pain?
265
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,464
And the other half
266
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:40,718
don't want to hear shit
about it?
267
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:41,719
- I'm Shaboots Michaels!
- I'm T-Ray Tombstone!
268
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,846
Welcome to...
269
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:46,849
(both)
Menstruation Orientation!
270
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:48,893
Oh, no,
you don't.
271
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:49,852
Now, we know you don't want
to hear about it.
272
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,020
But they don't
want to have it,
273
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:54,064
so sit your ass down and listen
for once in your life.
274
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,357
Today we're gonna talk
to all you men
275
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,027
about what happens to your women
when they're on their periods
276
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,361
and why
it's important to...
277
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,989
(both)
Be sensitive to that shit.
278
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,867
Don't say "chillax," "relax,"
"calm down," and "how come?"
279
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:08,370
Don't say "ass," "fat,"
"grumpy," or "cranky."
280
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,747
They ain't cranky.
281
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:12,082
They got blood coming
out of their vaginas, y'all!
282
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,210
That's some biblical
plague shit, y'all!
283
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,545
That would be like
once a month
284
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,380
if you had locusts flying
out of your dick for a week!
285
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:19,882
Your ass
wouldn't be cranky.
286
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:21,217
Your ass
would be like...
287
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:25,221
- Oh, ****!
[both screaming]
288
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,014
- My dick!
[screaming continues]
289
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:31,018
(both)
So be nice to your bitches
when they bleeding!
290
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,937
If you ain't
getting 'em shit...
291
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:33,896
Get the ****
out they way!
292
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:37,066
- They got cramps!
- They got headaches.
293
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:37,942
They got weight gain!
294
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:39,276
And every time
they pee,
295
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,403
it's like The Shining
in the toilet.
296
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,531
- Be supportive.
- Be empathetic.
297
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:44,281
But whatever you do...
298
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:47,409
(both)
Do not try to solve it!
299
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,202
Don't even bring
that shit up!
300
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,954
When women be
hanging out together,
301
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:52,331
their periods
will sync up.
302
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,290
Vaginas
be communicating.
303
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,252
They got their own
vagina language.
304
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:57,211
(both)
Talking about...
305
00:13:57,294 --> 00:13:59,421
[both speaking gibberish]
306
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,928
If you find yourself
around a group of women
307
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,055
and they all have
a backache...
308
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:10,266
(both)
Back away slowly.
309
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,350
What's that in your pocket
there, Shaboots?
310
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:14,603
Recognize this,
mother*******?
311
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,188
That ain't
space dynamite.
312
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,565
That's a tampon.
313
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,942
Learn what your bitch
has to go through.
314
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,528
First, you put
this piece in your vagina!
315
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:23,487
Oop.
316
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,738
Then you push this part
into the first piece!
317
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:25,990
Gweeps
318
00:14:26,073 --> 00:14:27,992
Then you throw
this part away!
319
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:31,620
Do that several times
a day for a week
320
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,622
every goddamn month!
321
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,584
It's the worst thing ever
all the time!
322
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,127
It's much worse for them
323
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,461
than it is for you
to hear about it.
324
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,005
And periods
is important.
325
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:41,797
That's how the body
gets rid of the old egg
326
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,091
so it can cook up
them new ones.
327
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:45,092
So listen to what's
going on with your female
328
00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,970
emotionally and...
329
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,013
(both)
Get your bitch
some chocolate!
330
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,348
Don't call her
a bitch, but...
331
00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,850
(both)
Get your bitch
some chocolate!
332
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,644
[both singing]
333
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,438
♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
334
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:58,439
♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
335
00:14:58,522 --> 00:14:59,440
♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
336
00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:01,984
♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
337
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,485
♪ Chocolate, chocolate,
chocolate, chocolate ♪
338
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:05,404
♪ Chocolate
339
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:07,865
[haunting Western music]
340
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:12,369
It's weird being
in a relationship this long,
341
00:15:12,453 --> 00:15:15,664
when you start to go
on, like, double dates
342
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,040
with other couples.
343
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,042
Mm-hmm.
344
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:20,461
I'll go an entire night
and not even realize
345
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,296
that my girlfriend
hated this bitch.
346
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:23,339
Right.
347
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:27,259
I'll be like, "Oh," 'cause
there was a whole subplot.
348
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,011
I feel like I've been
in that situation before.
349
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,512
I'll tell you,
I had one situation
350
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,722
where there was guy
that I ended up--
351
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,683
I'm gonna just be straight--
I'm gonna be straight about it.
352
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,019
I'm like, "This dude
seems pretty interested
353
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,187
"in what I do
for a living.
354
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:39,355
I don't give a ****..."
355
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,398
Oh, shit.
356
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,650
"About what he does
for a living."
357
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,026
Oh, shit.
358
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:44,735
"I don't want to hear
actuarial tables."
359
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:47,029
Calling him off.
360
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,156
[haunting Western music]
361
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:51,659
There's no way
that he can win.
362
00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,327
No, mm-mm, no.
363
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:55,037
So, anyway, what did you think
of the season finale
364
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,038
of Game of Thrones?
365
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,081
- [gasps]
- Right?
366
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,083
- That was--
- No, no, no.
367
00:15:59,165 --> 00:16:00,501
I'm reading
the books.
368
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,169
Oh, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry.
369
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,046
And he reads slow.
370
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,422
[laughter]
371
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,341
We can never
talk about it.
372
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:08,133
We're never
gonna talk about it.
373
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,219
Okay.
374
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,345
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
375
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:14,682
Hey, has anybody seen
that new Russell Crowe thriller?
376
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:15,432
'Cause let me tell--
377
00:16:15,516 --> 00:16:16,058
Ah, ah, ah!
378
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,102
Ah.
379
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:20,562
Sorry, it's just
380
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,231
we're going tomorrow,
and I don't want to know
381
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:23,732
a thing about it.
382
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,275
Doesn't want
to know a thing.
383
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:28,070
- Got you. Okay, all right.
- Sure, yeah.
384
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,155
Yeah, yeah.
That is--
385
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,366
How--who won the game?
386
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,077
- I think--
- N-n-n-n-n-n-n.
387
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,413
That--I'm--
I'm gonna watch it later.
388
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,289
- Oh, you're--
- Oh, you have a DVR.
389
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:39,748
- I got it--
- Sorry, okay.
390
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,749
Mum's the word.
391
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,086
- Yeah.
- So...
392
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:52,428
- So...
- Yeah.
393
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:53,137
What's the weather
gonna be like this--
394
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:56,390
[squawking]
395
00:16:56,473 --> 00:16:58,267
[dog barking in the distance]
396
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,102
Sorry.
It's, uh...
397
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,270
[sighs]
398
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,271
We're having
a barbecue this weekend,
399
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:04,732
and I don't want to stress
about the weather.
400
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,275
- No, of course you don't.
- We just--Yeah.
401
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,734
Yeah.
You know, yeah.
402
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,069
[clears throat]
403
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:20,122
This three-bean
casserole is--
404
00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:23,125
[scatting]
405
00:17:24,251 --> 00:17:26,462
I'm so sorry, babe.
I just--
406
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:28,464
- I hadn't tasted them yet.
- I'm sorry.
407
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,091
- I'm sorry.
- Really looking forward to it.
408
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:32,468
You know?
409
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,136
Don't talk about
the ingredients, I know.
410
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:34,678
It's a surprise
for your mouth.
411
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:37,389
- Yeah.
- Really.
412
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:44,605
Oh, uh...
413
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,523
[laughs]
414
00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,275
You know that
commercial with--
415
00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:50,819
Okay, never--
416
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,821
Oh.
417
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:53,280
[laughs]
418
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:55,115
[laughing]
Okay.
419
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,205
(woman)
Never mind.
420
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:03,040
That's probably best.
421
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:06,251
- Yeah.
- [clears throat]
422
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,422
Oh.
423
00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:15,761
No, it's fine.
424
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:23,227
- Cheesecake.
- [gasps]
425
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,228
- What?
- Huh?
426
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:27,064
We got cheesecake.
427
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,190
- I mean...
- Oh, yeah.
428
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,567
No, I'd love
some cheesecake.
429
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:31,109
- Yeah.
- Let's do that.
430
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,277
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
431
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,362
All right,
what the hell?
432
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:34,822
- Okay, cheesecake.
- Cheesecake.
433
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,366
I mean, I've been watching
my cholesterol intake,
434
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:38,242
but what the hell, right?
435
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,869
We're all gonna die
someday anyway.
436
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:41,870
- What?
- Honey.
437
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:42,371
- Wow.
- Come on.
438
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:43,455
Are you
kidding me?
439
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,376
I'll see you
at home.
440
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,585
- But wait a second.
- So rude!
441
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,796
Now, how would you not know
that that was taking place?
442
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,550
[haunting Western music]
443
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,553
Father, please hear our prayer
for the poor.
444
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:58,720
Thank you, Father.
Yes.
445
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:01,682
We beseech You
for the disenfranchised,
446
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:04,560
the less fortunate,
and those that suffer.
447
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,727
Yes.
448
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,355
Show us Your will
so we can continue
449
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:09,773
to do Your work.
450
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,358
(both)
Yes.
451
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:15,737
[overlapping voices] I've come
to answer your prayers.
452
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:20,200
Listen carefully
to my instructions.
453
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,286
Oh, God.
Thank you.
454
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:24,580
Thank you so much.
455
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:28,417
I want you to sell
everything you own...
456
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:33,297
immediately
in service to the poor.
457
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:36,383
[bright choral music]
458
00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:37,593
♪
459
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,761
Just want to clarify.
Um...
460
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,431
everything?
461
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:45,601
[overlapping voices]
Yes, rid yourself
462
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,769
of all earthly possessions.
463
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:54,318
♪
464
00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:56,278
Oh, shit!
This house is haunted!
465
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,279
[screams]
466
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,323
It's a ghost!
467
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:00,282
(man)
It's a haunted house!
468
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:01,241
Go, go, go,
go, go!
469
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:04,244
It's Insidious.
470
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:07,414
♪
471
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:08,665
[overlapping voices]
Oh.
472
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:10,292
I see
what they did there.
473
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,462
[haunting Western music]
474
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:18,425
Is there any religion
where you literally--
475
00:20:18,508 --> 00:20:21,428
I mean, the ceremony
is just, like, five seconds
476
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,596
once a month.
477
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:23,305
You hit it,
and you're just like...
478
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:27,184
[chanting oddly]
479
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,185
"I'm good
for two months."
480
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:31,438
That's the other thing.
You can stockpile them.
481
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:32,314
- You can do a bunch in a row.
- Do a bunch in a row.
482
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,106
Stockpile them.
483
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:35,651
Like, if I spent a day
just doing...
484
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,278
[chanting oddly]
485
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:38,737
Never have
to do it again.
486
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,781
Done, you're set.
487
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:42,324
Buddy, you might've worked
something out there.
488
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:44,451
This is how--
489
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:45,953
I think you could
get some followers there.
490
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:47,287
I think so too.
491
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:48,455
I'm gonna just keep going
to jerk churches
492
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:49,873
and dancing around
and screaming.
493
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:50,958
I'll do that.
494
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,502
[chanting oddly]
495
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,338
(man)
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
496
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:57,297
Oh, yeah.
497
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,511
Cheers, John O'Rourke.
498
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,346
Not bad for an Irishman,
a dirty Irishman.
499
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,848
Dirty Irishman.
Hey!
500
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,308
[laughs]
501
00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:10,644
He came at me
like a goddamn troll.
502
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:13,397
Or an Irishman.
503
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,314
Irishman, troll--
Synonymous!
34335
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