All language subtitles for The Affair - 05x07 - Episode 7.NTb-TBS.Hi

Previously on The Affair...

I don't want to have to pay the
rent by myself every month.

Let's just go get married
at city hall tonight.

I want a wedding, at my
grandparents' house.

Whitney, this marriage thing,

you don't have to do it, you know.

But, actually, Dad, I
do, because if I don't,

then Colin has to leave the country.

I'm desperate for a date
to my opening tomorrow.

- Dashiell Boucicault.
- Hi.

[Furkat] He likes to watch.

He could give you a gallery.

- [Ben] I'm married.
- Thank you for finally telling me.

- That's it?
- What do you want me to say?

Doesn't matter. You love me, too.

Oh, it does matter. And
I don't forgive you.

And how can I tell you I love
you? I don't even know you.

[both grunting]

[wind whooshing]

[EJ] You're working so calmly

in the place where your mother died.

[Joanie] You were right.

She died at the jetty.

[EJ] Why was your dad
obsessing about a Marine

named Benjamin Cruz?

I think he killed her.

♪ I was screaming into the canyon ♪

♪ At the moment of my death ♪

♪ The echo I created ♪

♪ Outlasted my last breath ♪

♪ My voice it made an avalanche ♪

♪ And buried a man I never knew ♪

♪ And when he died, his widowed bride ♪

♪ Met your daddy and they made you ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean,
sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back into the o... ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back into the o... ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com

_

♪♪♪

♪ Well, it sure took forever ♪

♪ But the summer finally came ♪

♪ Felt like walking with a stranger ♪

♪ Who didn't even know her name ♪

♪ Pretty soon I grew accustomed ♪

♪ To her warm and sunny way ♪

♪ Pretty soon I would forget ♪

♪ About those frigid winter days ♪

♪ If you just stay true... ♪

Thank God you're here.

Your grandfather's been
driving me bonkers.

[laughs softly]

- Noah.
- Margaret.

- Where's Helen?
- Oh, I told you, Grandma.

She couldn't come. She had to work.

Well, that's just disgusting.

[Whitney] I don't think so.

[Margaret] Well, of course it is.

- [laughs softly]
- This is your wedding.

What could be more important
than your wedding, Whitney?

[Margaret] I swear I brought
your mother up better than that.

I really did.

Oh, well. She's a lost cause.

You're my only hope for happiness now.

[Margaret] Ugh. Come upstairs.

I've laid out all the bridal magazines.

Noah, take Whitney's
things to the blue room.

You're in the basement.

Oh, and see if you can find Bruce.

He'd be thrilled to see you.

[clattering]

Hey. Hey, Bruce.

- Hi.
- H-Hello.

[grunts]

Who are you?

Uh, Noah.

Noah. N-Noah Solloway?

- I'm your ex...
- Oh, oh. Yes, of course.

I'm so sorry. Uh, Bruce Butler.

Margaret told me you were coming.

The writer. Uh...

She says you've published
multiple books.

That's right, yeah.

Wow, that's impressive.

Uh, you know, there's
a great expression.

Uh...

"No one has one book in him, but..."

Um. It's, uh...

I think it's, "Everyone
has one book in them.

Almost nobody has two."

Oh. Uh... That's not very nice.

Uh, you know, I always
wanted to be a writer.

But there never seemed to
be enough hours in the day.

Yeah...

Are you hungry? I was craving some, uh,

some of these, uh...

- some of these...
- Here.

Bruce, let-let me make those for you.

No. No, no, you're our guest.

You know... No, no. You...
have-have some coffee.

Uh, uh, I have no idea
how to use that machine.

Sure, I'll make some.

Um, are you, uh, you married?

Uh, no. Divorced.

Twice, actually.

Well, that's probably why you
have so much time to write.

I'm more of a family man, myself.

Bruce, no.

- [Bruce] Oh...
- Oh, Jesus.

[grunts]

- It's okay.
- [Bruce stammers]

- No...
- I just, I just wanted to...

[Margaret] It's-it's all right,
it's all right. Shh, shh.

We're trying to set
boundaries for Bruce.

Some new expectations.

While you're here, I'd appreciate it

if you could help with that.

I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't know.

Well, now you do.

[Noah sighs]

[Whitney] Hi.

[chuckles] Ah. What are you doing here?

- I'm getting married.
- What? To this fellow?

Why, Helly-Belly, that's fantastic.

Does this mean that
you've finally broken up

with that kid from Pennsylvania?

The-the one that was practically a mute?

Bruce, t-this is Whitney.

Helen is your daughter.
This is your granddaughter.

G-Granddaughter?

I can't do this anymore.

It's okay. Margaret, it's okay.

Let's-let's focus on the wedding. Uh...

Whitney has this huge agenda for us,

and, uh, she needs your help.

Uh, that's right, Grandma.

Um, I need to decide on a florist.

I've narrowed it down to three,

but I'm sure you'll have an opinion.

Um, I need to figure out a caterer.

I wanted to find somebody
who could do vegan options.

I don't know if you know anybody.

And, um... Oh, well,
we already got a tent.

[Margaret] Oh, that reminds me.
The bill for the tent came.

Margaret, I'm...

I thought I was doing the catering,

and you and Bruce were
gonna pay for the tent.

Noah, we can't pay for
this. It's $20,000.

[Bruce] We don't have any money.

[Margaret] And whose fault
is that, Marie Antoinette?

[Margaret] [gasps] Whitney,
I just had a splendid idea.

Why don't I call Dean
at our tennis club?

They do a marvelous brunch.

And if we do the wedding
reception outside of peak hours,

I'm sure we can get a
discount on the cabana.

They have a waffle station and
a make-your-own-omelette bar.

Excuse me, please.

Okay, M-Margaret, the-the
wedding is happening here.

Okay? So, if you want to help,

help us figure out a way
to make that happen.

Hey.

[sighs]

We can't afford a wedding, can we?

No one can afford a wedding. Not really.

We can figure it out.

No, I-I need to get back to reality.

I... Work has been crazy.

I had to miss three days to be here.

Andrea already wants to fucking kill me.

It's fine. We'll just... we'll
get married at city hall.

Come on, Whitney. You've been
talking about having a wedding

in this house since before
you were in braces.

I already found a red-eye
that we can get on tonight.

It has seats available.

Give me six hours.

Okay? Let's at least try.

Then if you still want
to go to city hall,

then we'll go to city hall.

Come on. Have you got a pen?

Right. What's the first thing?

- Um...
- Tent.

Okay, I just received the
last part of my advance,

and I can't think of a
better thing to spend it on.

- Dad, no.
- So that's that done.

- Next?
- Dad, you don't get it.

A-A tent is no good if you don't
have things to put in it.

Backyard weddings are so
expensive because you have

to pay for every single
little thing. See?

- [sighs]
- Okay.

Let's start with plates.

Well, this house has got
to have plenty of those.

[Margaret] I always hoped

your mother would inherit this,

but she insists on feeding you all

from earthenware as if she
grew up on a riverbank.

But no matter,

because now it'll go to
someone who appreciates it.

- Thank you, Grandma.
- This is helpful.

Thanks. What's next?

Oh, I have an appointment at an
East Hampton bridal boutique

at two, but it's crazy expensive.

- I think we should cancel it.
- You don't have a dress yet?

Perfect. Come on, let's go.

Oh, Margaret, can we borrow your car?

Only if Whitney drives.

- Why?
- Because the last time you drove

a car in Montauk, you
killed Scott Lockhart.

[quiet, ambient music]

♪♪♪

[Noah] So, what do you
want to do about music?

You want dancing, right?

Honestly, I kind of wanted a flash mob.

- What?
- You know, a flash mob?

It's, like, a surprise dance,
but everyone knows the steps.

How could everybody know the
steps to a surprise dance?

Because somebody teaches
them ahead of time,

and it's like a... Never mind.

[Whitney gasps]

Oh, look.

We have to stop

and see what they've done
to the Lobster Roll.

No, Whit-Whitney, we don't have time.

Yes, we do. Come on. It'll be hilarious.

[turn signal clicking]

[pop music playing on radio]

Hi, we okay here?

Not as friendly as they used to be.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Hey, remember when Stacey almost
choked and Mom saved her?

What?

Yeah, you remember. We
were sitting right there,

and Trevor and Stacey were
playing that game, and then

Stacey put a marble in her mouth.

No, it wasn't, uh, it wasn't
your mom who saved her.

It was, it was Alison.

What?

No, that's-that's not how
I remember it at all.

No, I'm pretty sure it was her.

Stacey was choking and
Alison was right there.

So, was that the day you met Alison?

Yeah, I think it was.

So you bonded over the fact that
Stacey almost choked to death?

Whitney, if you ever want
to talk about what happened

- between Alison and me...
- Yeah.

Sure. I do, actually. Go ahead.

Well, there's not... I didn't
exactly have a prepared speech.

- But if you...
- Yeah. That's what I thought.

No, I mean, if you want
to ask questions or...

- Stop.
- [Luisa] Noah?

Luisa, hi.

- Hey.
- Hey, you remember Whitney,

- my daughter?
- Yeah, of course. Uh...

I babysat you one
summer at the Butlers'.

I remember. Nice to see you.

Yeah, we're in town
planning Whitney's wedding,

if you can believe it.

Cool. Congratulations.

Thank you.

So this is different.

Yeah. It's officially in the
hands of the new owners now.

I just came by to empty a few
things out of the office.

Ah. End of an era.

Yep.

I have to get going.

What's, uh, what's next for you?

I'm going back to New York.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Wow.

I can't believe you got
Cole to go to the city.

[chuckles]

We're separated, Noah.

He and Joanie are moving to Vermont.

This afternoon, actually,
so I have to get going.

Congratulations on your
wedding. Good luck.

I'll be right back.

No, Dad, she doesn't want to talk to us.

Hey, Luisa.

I'm sorry if I offended you there.

- I had no idea.
- It's fine.

That's terrible about you and Cole.

Well, the writing was
on the wall, wasn't it?

Look, I was wondering, have you
any idea when they're leaving?

- Why?
- 'Cause I want to see Joanie.

You can't just waltz
in and out of her life

- when it's convenient.
- I know that. I know that.

I raised her as my own for
two years. I care about her.

Noah, I don't feel like getting

- in the middle of this.
- No, I understand.

If you could just tell
me when they're leaving,

then I can swing by, and if Cole
doesn't want me to see her,

that's fine, I just, I
don't want her to think

I just disappeared.

They're leaving at five.

Thanks.

[engine starts]

I'm sorry about how it
turned out here, and...

I hope there are good things ahead.

Noah, I babysat your kids.

My mother worked at your house.

Don't pretend we're friends.

[pop music playing on radio]

[phone chimes]

_

["Walking with a Stranger"
by Chris Staples]

♪♪♪

- Hey, can I get a menu, please?
- You order on that.

♪ And death grabbed him so quiet ♪

♪ It didn't even make a sound ♪

♪ As far as I could see
were dead leaves... ♪

Hey, just-just pull over
right here, will you?

- [driver] What, here?
- Yeah. Just for a second.

♪ Pretty soon I grow a cold ♪

♪ And hollow feeling in my heart ♪

[birds chirping]

♪ Pretty soon me and my sunny day ♪

♪ Will have to part ♪

♪ If you just... ♪

Hey... you think these would
look good in a bouquet?

Uh, you know th... that's
poison ivy, right?

This is not poison ivy.

Not the stuff you got in your hand, man.

The three-leafed plants that
are all around where you were

- secret gardening.
- W... N...

Poison ivy doesn't grow in the winter.

Oh, yeah. It definitely does.

Oh, fuck.

[classical music playing]

♪♪♪

[Hannah] Yay.

- Are you Mr. Solloway?
- Yeah. Hi.

Yeah, they told me at the front
that Whitney might be back here.

- She sure is. Welcome.
- Thank you.

- [Whitney] Hi, Dad.
- Hey, Whit. How's it going?

Good.

[chuckles] Oh, thanks.

It is so cute that you're here.

We almost never see dads in the shop.

- What do you do?
- [Whitney] He's a writer.

Ooh. Anything I'd know?

I doubt it.

[Whitney] He's being very modest.
He has a movie coming out

- starring Sasha Mann.
- Sasha Mann?

[chuckling] I fucking
love Sasha Mann, wow.

[Whitney] Hey, Hannah,
could you come back here

and give me a hand with these clamps?

Coming.

[quietly] Okay...

[ominous music]

♪♪♪

[Whitney exhales]

[Whitney] Well?

What do you think?

Oh, Whit.

You're beautiful.

Thanks, Dad.

You guys are gonna make the
cutest father-daughter ever.

Wow. Whitney, it's 19,

but I'll knock it down
to 17 because it's...

it's just so... it's perfect.

Uh, wh... That's, uh...

17, as in thousand?

Mm, sometimes dads just
need a little convincing.

Do you mind pulling a few
less expensive options?

Uh, Lizzie! Can you come here a second?

Oh... sweetheart. [chuckles]

You are front-cover
Martha-Stewart gorgeous.

- Isn't it perfect?
- [sighs] Mm-hm.

Whitney thinks so, too.

Actually, I was wondering if you
could pull some cheaper options?

Ah, she is such a doll.

[chuckles] Is she your
first to get married?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So, like, what price
range were you thinking?

Uh... Wh... I-I don't know, I-I...

[Hannah] He's a big screenwriter.

He works with Sasha Mann.

[Lizzie] Really?

Let me ask you something, Mr. Hollywood.

When will there ever be
a more important time

to splurge than for your
eldest daughter's wedding?

[whispering] She loves this dress.

Uh... Look, maybe... maybe I can, um...

- Maybe...
- Don't, Dad.

It's okay. It's okay. I'm gonna change.

I'm sorry, what, what's happening here?

I didn't know the dresses
were this expensive. I...

I haven't earned that kind of money yet.

Well, then why did you waste our
time with this appointment?

It was my idea, Hannah,
and it was a big mistake.

What kind of psycho spends
$17,000 on a dress?

Do you know how many clean water wells

you could build in
Africa with that money?

- No. Do you?
- I bet it's a lot, you cunt.

Nice work, Dad.

[quiet, atmospheric music]

[sighs]

Dad... what's up with the itching?

It's fucking...

- poison ivy.
- What?

Yeah, I tried to pick
you some wildflowers.

Thought you might like them.

What?

I know what you're trying to do.

And I appreciate it.

What am I trying to do?

You're trying to make amends.

Oh, look, a daytime moon.

Your mom always used to
say they were good luck.

[Whitney] ♪ I wandered out
in the woods for years ♪

♪ While you just stayed in your room ♪

♪ I saw the crescent ♪

♪ You saw the whole of the moon ♪

- ♪ Doo-doo-nee-nee ♪
- [chuckles]

- ♪ The whole of... ♪
- Who's that?

- Who sings that?
- I don't know.

Colin's always playing
it, it stuck in my head.

It was the Waterboys.
That's my generation.

Yeah, I think they're Irish. I
don't know, Colin's obsessed.

- Mmm, boy's got good taste.
- [chuckles]

[both chuckle]

Hey, I got an idea, but,
uh, you may hate it.

Your mom had a really
beautiful wedding dress.

And I don't know where it is
now, but your grandmother,

she'd probably have it.

We know she's a hoarder.

Okay. It was a terrible idea.

No.

I love it.

- How'd it go?
- Hey, Margaret, do you know

where Helen's wedding dress is?

She looked like a vagabond
whore in that dress. Why?

[Whitney] Okay, let's
just check the attic.

[contemplative guitar music]

♪♪♪

[line ringing]

[sighs]

Sorry, I need a minute.

What's wrong?

[slow, somber music]

♪♪♪

You hate it?

- You hate it, right?
- [quietly] No.

Don't worry, don't worry.
We'll get another one.

It's not the dress. I love the dress.

What is it?

This wedding is gonna be

- a fucking disaster.
- What?

No, it's not. Come on,
we're pulling it together.

We got a tent, we got the
plates, now we got a dress.

That's not what I mean.

Then what is it?

[sniffles]

I cheated on Colin.

[sighs] Okay.

Okay? That's what you have to say to me?

- No, no.
- God, why am I not surprised?

When did this happen? Recently?

Yeah. [sniffles]

After you got engaged?

Yeah.

And I have to tell him, right?

Uh... uh, not necessarily.

I mean... did you want to
be with this other guy?

No. God, no.

Well, is there any other way
that Colin might find out?

I mean, is it someone who's
around a lot, do you have

- friends in common?
- No. Why?

Because, in that case,
telling Colin might just

hurt him unnecessarily.

And end your relationship.

I mean, unless...

- What?
- Well, unless

that's what you were trying to do.

- [scoffs]
- I...

I don't know. Uh... maybe.

- [sighs]
- Whitney?

Do you want to marry Colin?

If you're asking if he's the
only person I'll ever love,

I... I have no fucking idea.

How am I supposed to know that?

Look, I don't think anybody knows that.

Yes, they do. Some people do.

- Colin does.
- Now, you don't know that.

You're not in his head.

For all you know, he's... he's
having major doubts, too.

- Wow.
- No... not about you, about marriage.

When I got married, I
thought that if you,

if you, if you chose the right person,

then you'd be happy forever,
and if you were unhappy,

then they were the wrong person.

But that's just not how it works.

- It's not?
- No. No.

Marriage is... it's not magic, it's,

it's just a decision
that you have to make.

And keep on making,
over and over, to stay.

Whitney, deciding you're not ready

doesn't mean you're a bad person.

It means you know yourself

much better than I knew
when I was your age.

No, I'm not hurting Colin.
I'm not doing it.

- He's my best friend.
- He'll be okay.

He, he... he'll survive.

You hurt Mom so badly.

[exhales]

Yeah, but that was...

that was different. We had four kids.

I don't want to ever hurt
anyone the way you hurt her.

Right.

Why did you do it?

If marriage is a choice,
if you can decide to stay,

why did you go?

I don't know how to answer that.

Was it Alison?

Did you just love her
more than you loved us?

No.

What was it, then?

I don't know.

See, the thing that I don't get is,

you were a good dad.

And Mom was a great mom,
and-and we were happy.

Or at least I thought we were.

And then...

I guess I just worry that,

if that wasn't real

and if that wasn't good,

then... then maybe nothing is.

Whitney, look, I fucked up.

I...

I was thinking about
myself, and I fucked up.

Which is why I want you
to give yourself the time

to make the right decision.

I love you, Whit. I just
want you to be happy.

I love you, too.

Come on. [sniffles]

I got to change out of this dress.

[sniffles]

[door opens]

- [door closes]
- Oh, fuck.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[Petra] Noah, hi. This is
Petra Ranes from Vanity Fair.

Oh, hi, Petra. It's been a while.

- How are you?
- I'm good.

And the piece is really coming together.

- Great.
- I'm just doing a last

little bit of fact-checking,
if you have a second.

- Sure.
- Great.

So, do you happen to know a
woman named Eden Bishop?

Uh... no, I don't think so.

That's her married name.

Maybe you know her as
Ellery? Eden Ellery?

Oh, yeah, yeah, she was,
uh, she was my publicist

on the book tour for Descent.

That's what she said, too.

Okay?

Did you two have a relationship?

Beyond the professional?

Me and Eden?

She claims you pressured
her into sleeping with you

on the book tour.

Does that match your recollection?

Sorry, wh-what did you say?

The reception here is terrible.

Eden claims you coerced
her into having sex

while on the book tour together.

I'm asking if you remember
something like that happening

between you and her during that time.

No. Absolutely not.

Are you sure?

This is fucking shit! What? No!

So that's not your memory?

- No!
- Okay. That's it, then.

I just needed a comment.
Thanks for your time.

[line beeps off]

[sighs]

What...?

Oh, fuck.

[intense, suspenseful music]

♪♪♪

[knocking]

[doorbell ringing]

_

[engine stops]

[pulsing, suspenseful music]

♪♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

Yes?

Hi, I'm looking for Benjamin Cruz.

I'm Ben Cruz.

Can I help you?

I just wanted to ask about your clinic.

I... I need help.

I think I have PTSD.

Ah.

What's your name?

Gabrielle.

Very nice to meet you.

Come on inside.

[Ben] Danny, Isla, meet Gabrielle.

She's here to learn about our community.

- Hey there.
- Hey.

Hi.

I thought I was the only one

who read real books anymore.

[Ben] How about I give you a tour?

I believe in the healing power

of fresh air and tilling the land.

Everything here has been
designed to be self-sustaining.

My patients get free lodging

in return for their time in the garden.

So, a-are you a veteran, Gabrielle?

Um, no, I'm not.

How did you find us, then?

Recommendation.

I only ask because we
mostly service ex-military.

When I was a young vet, I started

my post-service career at the VA,

during what I thought was
a really exciting time

for PTSD therapy.

Newer, integrative
psychotherapeutic approaches

like exposure therapy, EMDR.

They all seemed to be taking root

in the mainstream community,

but then, of course,
they were obliterated

as soon as the government deregulated

psychopharmaceutical drugs.

If vets want alternative therapies,

they have to seek them under the table,

pay out of pocket, get
treatments in secret.

If the VA finds out, people
lose their health care.

Anyway,

that's why I have to be extra careful

when people knock on my door.

Well, you weren't that careful.
You kind of just let me in.

True.

But you have an honest face.

[chuckles]

We grow all our own food.

There's something so

satisfying about putting
your hands in the dirt,

turning the soil, caring for the space,

and then watch it as it bears fruit.

Here,

the land that we've taken care of

then turns around and cares for us.

I firmly believe,

if we can remember how
to care for a garden,

we can remember how to
care for each other.

[grunts]

[groans]

Thank you.

Let's head back inside.

Get to know each other a bit better.

So...

Gabrielle.

That's a beautiful name, by the way.

Thank you.

Is it a family name?

Yes.

[chuckles]

So tell me,

how can I help you?

I think I suffer from PTSD.

Okay. How does that manifest?

[inhales]

I can't connect with people. I
think I'm incapable of love.

Well, sometimes such
feelings are connected

to a significant loss or trauma

at an early age.

Does that resonate with you?

No.

Hmm.

Are you familiar with EMDR?

No.

It's an old form of therapy.

Nobody really understands
why it works or how,

but it does.

There's something almost
magical about it.

[scoffs]

Mm. You don't believe in magic?

No.

Maybe that's why you have such...

trouble with love.

Would you like to try EMDR?

J-Just to see if we can
get a little closer

to understanding why you came.

Sure. Why not?

Excellent.

I record all my sessions. Do you mind?

[device beeps]

And this is just

our standard release form.

It's on paper.

[chuckles] I know. What can I say?

I am nostalgic for the analog world.

I suspect you are, too.

Well, take a moment, read it through.

- [pen clicks]
- What's the date?

Oh, don't worry about that.

I just need your signature.

Okay. Thank you.

So...

the way EMDR works.

We pick one specific traumatic event

and then we basically rewrite the script

so it doesn't trigger the
same debilitating response.

Does that make sense? Good.

We can start on any memory, really.

Is there a moment, a...

a night where you remember this,

as you say, "inability to love"

really manifesting itself,

impeding your life in some way?

I...

I had a fight with my
boyfriend recently.

Excellent.

That is the perfect thing to
unpack with this therapy.

Let's start there.

Can you please, um, move your chair

to face me.

[tense music]

Good.

No, see, you need to be a little closer.

[grunts] There you go.

Okay, to begin,

just follow my fingers with your eyes.

- Th-That makes me dizzy.
- Okay.

Let's switch to something else.

Your palms up.

There you go.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath.

[inhales]

[exhales]

Now think back to the
night of the fight.

What do you notice?

Where are you?

[inhales, exhales]

I'm in my apartment.

- Where is that?
- Montauk.

How about your boyfriend, is he there?

He's on his way.

How do you feel?

Scared.

Good. Go with that.

[inhales, exhales]

Same as before.

Tell me... what do you notice?

My apartment is warm, cozy.

There's a fire in the fireplace.

My daughter's drawings

are on the refrigerator.

It's raining outside.

Pouring, actually. There's
a storm, a... a bad one.

The windows are rattling.

Good. Go with that.

Now what do you see happening?

My boyfriend arrives.

He's soaking wet. He dries
himself by the fire.

How's he dressed?

Jeans and a military jacket.

He's a veteran.

Good.

Close your eyes.

Notice what he says

and go with that.

- He's angry.
- Why is he angry?

Because he's married,

and I want him to leave his wife.

We have a fight.

I tell him that if he doesn't
leave her, I will kill myself.

Keep going.

He tells me that I'm ugly and stupid

and that nobody will ever love me,

and that the best I could hope
for is to be someone's slut.

Okay. That's enough.

EMDR doesn't work if you're lying.

I never said those things.

I respected your mother greatly.

I would never have
spoken that way to her.

[sighs]

Hello, Joanie.

Hello, Ben.

I'm so glad you are finally here.

Why don't we start again
with the same question?

How can I help you?

Did you kill my mother?

Yes.

I did.

[exhales]

[sighs]

I can only imagine what you
think of me right now.

It's all so new for you.

[sighs]

The truth is, I've been
thinking about you for years.

I've tried to imagine where
you've been living your life

and-and how.

I've awaited our reunion
with great anticipation.

Is there anything else
you want to ask me?

Anything at all?

Go back behind your desk. I
need a barrier between us.

Of course.

[sighs]

I-I want to be held accountable, Joanie.

I've always known I would eventually

have to answer for what I did.

I welcome the opportunity.

I know this might be
hard for you to believe,

but I think of your mother every day.

Every minute, in fact.

She is constantly with me,

and... [sighs]

I hate myself for what I did.

Okay. So why did you do it?

I had a psychotic break.

What?

When I met your mother...

[sighs]

The doctors at the VA had
me on a lot of drugs.

Antidepressants, MDMA,

antipsychotics.

I was losing my mind.

I couldn't sleep. Uh,
I-I-I was paranoid.

I started hearing voices.

I didn't tell anyone,
of course, because...

I, I was afraid they'd
lock me up for good.

That night... I became a monster,

uh, completely out of control.

What did you do to her?

Well, we had an argument

in her apartment, as you guessed.

About what?

The fact that I was married.

So I was right.

Yes.

But she told me to leave.

It was me who was begging to stay.

Why?

Have you ever met someone

who-who looked at you,

all of you,

even the savage parts,

and they didn't flinch?

No.

I thought she was gonna be
the one to bring me back,

restore me to the man I
was before I went to war.

That night

we tried to make love...

...and...

I found that I couldn't.

For years after Afghanistan,

I had thought the problem was my wife.

But then, all of a sudden, it was clear.

The problem had been me all along.

[sighs]

My fate was sealed.

I would never be the man
I was before the war.

And I was never going
to be enough for Alison

or any woman.

So you killed her?

[sighs]

I never felt such rage.

And because Alison was in front of me,

I-I directed it at her.

She said she was leaving.

She ran to the door.

And I didn't want her to go,
so I grabbed her by the arm

to try to bring her back,

and I lost my grip, and she fell, hard,

against the bookshelf.

Before I could reach her,
this statue, a heavy statue,

it fell on her head.

[voice breaking] And she was gone.

So... it was an accident?

Yes, of course.

I never wanted to hurt your mother.

[sobbing]

I have... I have tried...

to find a way to make
what I did bearable.

I have dedicated the
last 30 years of my life

creating this place: a
safe haven for veterans.

So nobody again will ever lose control

the way I did.

Hurt someone the way I hurt your mother.

You didn't just hurt her.

You killed her.

Yes, and I'm sorry, Joanie.

If you're so sorry, then why
didn't you turn yourself in?

I-I don't know what good
it would have done.

I-I-I could help more people...

make more amends by being
of service to these men,

rather than waste the rest of my life

rotting away in some cell.

Don't you think you should have
let a jury make that call?

Y-You know who I think
should make that call?

You.

Me?

I promised myself a
long time ago, Joanie,

that when you found me...

And I knew it was a
"when," not an "if"...

That I would submit

to whatever accountability you demanded,

and I-I-I would not resist.

So...

if you want to call
the police right now,

I'll give you my phone.

If you want to... you want to kill me...

...I'll give you my gun.

I am completely in your hands.

If I were going to kill you,

I wouldn't use a gun.

It's too quick.

Okay.

How would you do it?

I'd like to cut off your dick

and let you bleed out
like a pig until you die.

Well... that's an option, too.

I have to go. I need to think.

Okay, but, Joanie,

you know where to find me now.

And I'm not gonna run.

I'll be right here whenever you decide.

I have to go.

[EJ] So, what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

- [pours drink]
- How about calling the police?

I guess I should?

This man murdered your mother

and then sat there and gave you

a detailed description of how he did it.

That's a special kind of psychopath.

He's a lot of things,
but I-I don't think

he's a psychopath.

What?

He seemed sorry.

Truly sorry.

He spent his entire life
trying to make amends.

Uh, Joanie, most murderers
are sorry for what they did.

They still have to go to prison.

He said I could kill him if I liked.

I think that would be a mistake.

I wasn't being serious.

- Yes, you were.
- No, I wasn't.

I think you were.

- EJ.
- Joanie, listen to me.

This problem is above your pay grade.

There are people who specialize

in crime and punishment for a living.

That's why they're
called the authorities.

How about we let them decide what to do

before we take vengeance
into our own hands.

Ben may be sorry, but he was
clearheaded enough at the time

to use your mother's history
of mental illness against her

and make everyone believe
she drowned herself.

That's right.

She drowned.

They found water in her lungs.

[atmospheric music]

♪♪♪

[Clark] Benjamin Cruz?

Can I help you?

I'm Detective Clark,
this is Detective Woods.

We'd like to ask you a few questions

pertaining to the death
of Alison Bailey.

May we come in?

I've made my decision.

Where did you find her?

She's one of the patients
from my facility.

She went AWOL last night...
and we've been worried sick.

What?

This is her signature,
committing herself

- to psychiatric care.
- What?

[Ben] And this is my case
study for Joanie Lockhart.

She was admitted three weeks ago.

That's not true. None of this is true.

Joanie suffers from severe
depression and PTSD.

Her mother tragically committed suicide

when she was seven years old.

And lately she's been
experiencing homicidal

fantasies and delusions.

- This is all horseshit.
- We have been exploring

some of them in a safe,
therapeutic space,

but, um, yesterday she
had a turn for the worse

and she threatened my life.

[device chimes]

[Joanie over device] I'd
like to cut off your dick

and let you bleed out
like a pig until you die.

That is not what I said.

That isn't your voice on the recording?

Of course it is, but it was
meant as a hypothetical,

like... if I were to kill him.

He knew my mother. He isn't just
a random doctor I came to see.

He was dating her when she died.

He told me that he set
up this whole clinic

because he felt like such a shit
for what he did 30 years ago.

Officers, I have nothing to hide.

I was cleared of any wrongdoing

in Alison Bailey's death years ago.

The police ruled it as a suicide.

Joanie just can't accept it.

She needs someone to blame.

She herself has made a
series of suicide attempts,

as you can see referenced
on pages five and six.

[Clark] Ms. Lockhart,
what are you doing?

Where is it, Ben?

- Where's your fucking gun?
- There's no gun.

He said I could kill him
with it if I wanted to.

I don't have a gun, Joanie.

I run a therapeutic
center for PTSD recovery.

A gun would be a very dangerous thing

to have on these premises, wouldn't it?

[Woods] Ms. Lockhart, is
it true what he's saying?

Are you a patient at this facility?

- No, of course not.
- [Clark] All right, but...

this is your signature on this form?

I wasn't paying attention
to what I was signing.

So you didn't read what the form said?

You aren't listening to me.

I'm telling the truth.

I'm not the crazy one.

- He is.
- Okay, well, why would you sign

something you didn't read, ma'am?

Because I was too busy thinking about

how I was gonna kill him.

Mr. Cruz, do you want us

to remove Ms. Lockhart
from the property?

That won't be necessary.

Are you sure, sir?

More than anything, right
now, she needs my support.

Sorry to have wasted
your time, Officers.

[Clark] Okay.

[door opens]

[sighs]

I'm gonna fucking kill you.

You can't touch me now, Joanie.

Police are watching you now.

You'll go to prison for
the rest of your life.

Your kids will grow up without a mother.

That's not what you want, is it?

What do you know about my kids?

I meant what I said.

I thought about you over the
years, wondered how you were.

Were you watching me?

I looked you up online.

When did you know it was me?

When you took off your sunglasses.

Why didn't you say something then?

What was the point of
this whole exercise?

[slow, suspenseful music]

My mother was still breathing

when her body went into the water.

She didn't die in our apartment
like you said she did.

She had water in her lungs.

She fucking drowned.

Calm down.

Can I get you something? A drink?

You wanted me to call the police.

So you could show them my signature

and play them the tape and
make me seem like a nutjob.

The one person left alive
who knows what you did.

You killed her, and then you
dumped her body in the water.

You made it look like a
suicide. You used her history

and you set her up just like
you set me up, didn't you?

Yes.

Why?

I didn't want to go to prison.

Oh, you're a killer.
You belong in prison.

Oh, thou shall not kill.

Well... except sometimes.

I killed people in
Afghanistan, plenty of them.

Some of them innocent civilians.

It wasn't a crime there.

Why should it be a crime here?

You took my mother from me.

I was a child.

You took her.

You know,

you are just so much like her.

When you showed up at my door,

you seemed so... strong, so tough.

I should have known it was a mask.

Just like hers.

You're just as sad

and as frightened as she was.

[shouts]

[gasping]

[strained] Harder.

Harder.

Oh.

I understand why you came here now.

It wasn't for Alison at all.

You just want someone to
put you out of your pain.

I'm not gonna do you that favor.

[gasps]

[coughing]

I'm sorry for your pain, Joanie.

I really am.

But if I go away,

what happens to these patients?

They need me here.

You are so full of
shit, and you know it.

I've paid for my sins.

I can live with myself.

[slow, somber music]

♪♪♪

You're the one, apparently,

who cannot.

Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com