All language subtitles for THECOM~1-eng

The computer
wore tennis shoes

And a twinkle in his eye

Never met a groovier dude,
an electric kind of guy

A socket shock

And suddenly socked him
into a real cerebral high

Growing his mind
into the kind

That leaves old Einstein
wigging out behind

The computer
wore tennis shoes

And a smile upon his face

Turnin' on every chick in town
at a cosmothropic pace

A guy that crazed and amazed
and otherwise dazed

The whole darn human race

Makin' the news,
payin' his dues

That turned-on, uptight,
flat out-of-sight

Totally together
computer in tennis shoes

A guy that crazed and amazed
and otherwise dazed

The whole darn human race

Makin' the news,
payin' his dues

That turned-on, uptight,
flat out-of-sight

Totally together
computer in tennis shoes

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Baa, baa, baa, baa

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Baa, ba-ba-ba-ba, baa, baa

Professor Quigley,
I'm sure that

we all appreciate
your interest in progress,

but a computer.

Well, that is a luxury
that we just cannot afford.

Dean Higgins, today,

a computer can hardly
be considered a luxury.

Oh, very well.

Then it is a necessity
that we just cannot afford.

Now, unfortunately,

Medfield has quite
a long list of necessities,

and a computer
just does not have

a very high priority
on that list.

Now, it's not
that I'm old-fashioned.

You all know that I have
an open ear for progress,

and we do all that we can.

Why, when Mrs. Ferguson

wanted live frogs
for her biology lab,

we went to the expense
of live frogs.

Just last month, we
purchased brand-new Bunsen burners

for our chemistry class.

We're not dragging
our feet, Quigley.

Why, I just put an order
in today

for two garbage disposals
and an electric dishwasher...

- Anything yet, Bradley?
- For our cafeteria.

- Not on us.
- Talk about modernization.

Quig's still fighting
the battle of the computer.

And it's expensive, too.

How's he doing?

Yeah, that figures.

Aw, Higgins is
weaseling out again.

What's he pulling
this time?

- Ah, he's got a new one.
- Hi, Dex.

He says he's spending
too much money

for frogs and Bunsen burners
and garbage disposals.

Thanks.

Quigley, you talk
about $10,000

as though it were 10 cents.

You just don't understand
the problem.

Do you know what the
telephone bill alone

is here every month?

Take State.

I don't want to hear
about State.

Yeah, but do you realize

that they give
an entire course in

computer technology?

Now, I don't like to draw
comparisons, gentlemen,

but if we want to keep
abreast of the times

and raise
our academic average...

We have got to modernize.

Modernization isn't everything.

Yes, uh, Regent Dietes.
Thank you very much.

That's, that's well-put.

Gentlemen, I, uh,
I wouldn't like this

to get any further
than this room,

but frankly,

we are down to the nitty-gritty
on our budget.

The building program
is bogged down.

The bankers in this town
won't even answer

my phone calls.

Why, we raffled off
everything on the campus

but the women's gym.

I tell you, gentlemen,

it is tough to be the dean
of a college today.

It's tough, tough, tough.

Unrest.

Everywhere you look, unrest.

Now, I wonder
who's behind that.

Hmm.

Oh, uh, that part
about the unrest,

that's, uh, that's off
the record, Mrs. Winifrid.

So, Quigley, I'm sorry,

but I'm certain that you
understand our problem.

That's it.
They killed him.

Now, for the next item
on the agenda...

- Us?
- Deadwood.

Us.

Well-put, Dean.

An apt title for
the ne'er-do-wells

who ought to be expunged
from this...

Leonard...

The not-so-gifted students'
needs are just as great

as those
of the gifted ones.

Quigley, this is a competitive
educational institution.

All right, gentlemen,
all right.

Now, um, Quigley, we do have
certain ne'er-do-wells

that must be seen to.

Therefore, I'm suggesting

that the following students
be placed on probation...

Probation
is no substitute

for catching the interest
of the student,

for firing
his imagination.

- Yeah.
- Come on, Quig.

Thataboy.

Timothy Balsen,

John Colligan, Roger Demney,

Henry Fathington,

Myles Harris,

Adam Jervins,

Keith Richards,
Dexter Reilly...

Ugh! They got me!

Dexter, it's not funny.

Robert Ross,

Sliver Roth.

Sliver?

A man with a name like that
has no business in a college.

Arnold Sandy,
Stanley Tyler...

He missed me.
He went through all the S's.

- Hey, that's right.
- Nice going.

What about Schuyler?

Hmm?

Oh, yes, of course.
Richard Schuyler.

Put him on there.
Richard Schuyler.

Thanks a lot.

He's sick.

No, it's just plain hate.
That man's all hate.

You know, Quig really cares,
but the guy can't even reason with him.

Well, how can you
reason with a guy

who lives in the Dark Ages?

Hey, wouldn't it be terrific
if we swing it for old Quig?

Well, swing what?

- The computer.
- Hey, yeah.

It'd drive Higgins
right over the edge.

You guys
must be dreaming.

The guy who's selling it
wants 10 grand.

Who is that, Bradley?

AJ Arno.

That big shot, uh, who runs the AJ Arno
Investment Company, huh?

Well, he's not such a big shot.

I mean, I think
if we went down there

and talked to him,

we could get him to
donate it to the college.

Aw, man, listen, I'll lay
you any kind of bet

we couldn't even get
in there to see AJ Arno.

Well, I don't know about that.
I used to work for him.

Dexter, you just cleaned up at night.

Arno wouldn't even remember you.

What do you mean
he wouldn't remember me?

Well, I always used to bump into him

in the elevator and halls and stuff.

And he always said hello, kind of.

You know, that's not too bad an idea.

You know, big firms,

they're always donating
things to universities.

No. No trouble at all, Wexler.

I'm glad you boys dropped by.

Now, don't get me wrong.

I, uh, I'd love to donate
the computer to Medfield.

I mean, I love that school.

I love the football team,
the track team, the golf team.

It's a wonderful place, but, uh,

well, uh, I already give them
$20,000 a year.

Gee, Mr. Arno, we didn't realize

that you'd already donated.

Well, believe me, if I didn't
give them all that money,

I'd be glad to donate the computer.

But honestly, uh,

nobody could expect me
to do both, now, could they?

No.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I can work something out.

Look, just give me a little time, huh?

Sure.

You know, I like you kids.

I like your spunk.
I like your get-up-and-go.

I like the idea of a student
delegation coming to see me.

Makes me feel good, up here.

- Bye.
- Thanks.

Goodbye. Goodbye, boys.
Good to see you.

Thanks a lot for giving us
your time, Mr. Arno.

Well, AJ Arno never forgets
an old employee.

You just come back
any time, Lester.

Um, it's, it's Dexter.

Ah, yes, Dexter.

O'Brien.

Ready with yesterday's stuff?

Yeah, just about, sir.

- Well, run it.
- All right.

Hey, they did pretty good
with the horses.

750 isn't bad.

That crap table figure okay?

525. That's real good
for The Palace.

Looks like a real good day
for Applejack.

Yeah, real good.

Incidentally, don't send
that 20 grand to Medfield.

Don't? But you made that pledge.

Don't you think...

Don't worry about it.
It's all taken care of.

Now, 102 goes right over there.

And, uh, 149 also over there.

146, right.

Okay. Right this way now, Baxter.

Easy through the door, you guys. Easy.

That's it. Right in there.

Now, what do we have here?
Number 125.

Okay, boys, right over there.

- Right.
- Let's go.

Easy now. Take it easy.

What a slave driver.

Yeah, if he'd been in charge
of that Russian five year plan,

they'd have made it.

You know, it's a great idea doing

something for the school,

but next time
let's do something easy,

like hijacking a Cuban airliner.

Yeah.

Okay, boys,
now we need number 126.

Professor, can we just
take a few seconds off?

My back's killing me.

Oh, sure.
Take as much time as you want.

Uh, Dexter, there's a box of
tools in the back of my car.

Would you get that for me, please?

Sure. Right away, Professor.

Good.

- Dean Higgins.
- Good morning, Dean.

Hi, Deano.

Oh, hello, there, Dean Higgins.

Nice of you to visit us.

Of course, we're not
really set up here yet,

but very soon.

"Dear Dean Higgins, first of all,

"I would like
to congratulate you

"on your splendid
student delegation."

Well, that's wonderful.

I see.

Uh...

"And you will understand

"that since we have made
such a valuable donation,

"we must withhold our yearly
cash contribution.

"Yours in the interest
of higher education,

"AJ Arno."

Well, this, this is
a dreadful mistake, sir.

You can say that again.

And I'm gonna tell you
this much, Quigley,

in the future, I'm gonna be
watching them.

But you can't blame the boys, sir.

Why, it's Mr. Arno
who's acted in bad faith.

Oh, good faith, bad faith, who cares?

They've cost this school $20,000.

Well, not altogether, Dean.

We still have the computer.

Oh, shut up! Higher education.

Hey, pretty great
about the computer, huh?

You know, I don't like to brag,

but if it hadn't been for the fact that I
used to work there...

Him I'm gonna watch most of all.

Well, what's he gonna be
watching me for?

The elements of a computer
are input, memory, control,

arithmetic and logic, and output.

And I think we can see,
demonstrated from these charts,

that man has done
a rather admirable job

of imitating the human brain.

And, uh, even though
it's an imitation,

in many ways,
the machine we've developed

can operate more efficiently
than we can ourselves.

Now, in the past couple of weeks,

I've been, uh, working
on a small experiment,

uh, which is intended to show

how we can be replaced by a computer.

Hey, this may be a way
of getting rid of Dean Higgins.

We live in hope, Dexter.

Now, let's suppose

that your parents are going away
for the weekend,

and they leave you
the following instructions,

"If it's raining tomorrow
morning when you wake up,

"you are to close the windows,

"open the door
and let the cat in,

"phone the grocer

"and have him send
over the following list."

All right?

Well, you wake up in the
morning, and it is raining.

And being the conscientious
and reliable young people

I know you to be,
you promptly forget to do it.

Now, well, actually,
I'm sure you would do it,

but let's see if a computer
could also do it.

Now, this is a rain gauge,

and it's, uh, sitting on a roof
of a building.

Now, when the water falls
into this gauge,

it sends a signal to the logic
unit of the computer,

which immediately notifies
the memory bank of the computer

to seek out its instructions
for a rainy day.

The memory bank, in turn,

activates the electronic circuits,

the window closes, the door opens,

hopefully the cat comes in,

and the automatic telephone
goes into action, right?

Well, let's see.

The rain falls.

This is a recording.

Please deliver the following groceries
to 445 Annex Street.

One pound of bacon,
two dozen eggs,

four quarts of milk.

Hmm. Well, I, that's enough of that.

Uh, thank you. Thank you.

Well, so much for the speed
of the computer.

Now, another very important feature

is its infallible memory.

Before this computer was owned
by the AJ Arno Company,

it used to be employed
by the Space Research Center

at the Pacific Institute of Technology.

And they were kind enough
to send us this magnetic tape,

which will call forth from the computer

solutions to a series
of problems that would occur

on a simulated flight
to the planet Saturn.

Now, mind you, it was 20 years ago

that this program was operational.

Twenty years.

Well,

if you'll watch
the center panel, please.

Hey, Quig.

Hey.

Well, it seems like
our flight to Saturn

will be a little delayed.

Your attention, please.

This is Dean Higgins.

Now, the State General
Collegiate Classification tests

will be held tomorrow at 11:00.

Now, as many of you know,
we came in 36th last year.

And, now, I think
we could get out there

and improve upon that position.

Thank you.

Thirty-sixth?

Gee.

You know, Dexter,

there are only 37 colleges
in the state.

Gee, I wonder who we beat.

I don't know.

What happened, Professor?

Oh, it's a part in the logic
activator unit.

It, uh, should be replaced,

but I can't get over to
Capital Electronics today.

Well, listen, I'll get it for you.

Oh, I wouldn't expect you to go all the
way over there, Dexter.

That's 70 miles away.

Oh, that's okay.
I've got nothing to do.

You have nothing to do?

Didn't you just hear?

That classification test
is coming up tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, but I know all that stuff.

Cars and buses going
from place to place.

Car "A" goes 70 miles an hour.
Car "B" goes 60.

One guy stops for lunch for 20 minutes.

And who gets to Chicago first?

I got it all, prof.

Yes, I'm sure you do have it all, Dexter,

but if I were you,
I would look it over again

this afternoon.

Aw, honest, Professor.
It wouldn't do any good.

I'm up to here with it.
Let me go to Marshfield.

Believe me, the drive
and fresh air will do me good.

It'll give my brain
a chance to ventilate.

It couldn't be "A."

The answer to the last
two questions was "A."

Would never have three A's in a row.

It's gotta be "B" or "C."

I haven't seen a "C" for a long time.

It's gotta be "C" then.

Got to be "C."

"A?" That's three As in a row.
That's impossible.

How do they ever expect anybody
to figure this out?

Three at 8-02-30.

Applejack Rainbow Lodge 4378,

animals 750, tables 480,

amusements 624.

Applejack Pompey Palace...

- Dexter? Dexter!
- 4379...

- Huh?
- Dexter, are you okay?

Yeah.

Did you wake me up
to ask me if I was okay?

Nah, you were beeping.

- Burping?
- No, beeping.

Oh, that's good.

- Hey, Dexter...
- Uh...

What'd you do
to the computer anyway?

Nothing. I just tried
to put in that part,

and I got this terrific shock.

Well, there must be
a short in it somewhere.

Yeah, there sure is.

I had to call in these computer people.

They can't get a spark out of it.

Well, I'm sorry, professor.

Well...

Sorry I'm late, Prof.

Yeah. Well, move along,
boys. Move along.

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
this is a speed test.

And that means if you have
trouble with any question,

skip it and move on to the next one

because you'll be graded
on the total number of questions

you answer correctly.

Is that clear?

All right.

You may begin.

Dexter, come on. Start the test.

Shh.

Shh.

Funny guy.

Shh.

Dexter, cut it out.

Shh!

I tell you, Quigley, he cheated.

It's just as simple as that.

Spending $20 for a doctor.
That's ridiculous.

He didn't cheat, Dean Higgins.

Something has happened to Dexter.

Now, we usually allow an hour
and a half for that test.

And since I've been at this school,

nobody's ever finished it.

Dexter finished it in
four and a half minutes,

and he didn't make a mistake.

Professor Quigley?

Yes.

I can't go on TV!
I don't even want to go on TV!

Listen, at this rate, you're gonna faint

in front of all those people.

Dexter, it isn't that easy.
Things aren't the same.

You have a responsibility now.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Listen, Dexter, it's almost
like playing a game.

Now, I know the first few
minutes are gonna be tough.

But, listen, after you
answer a few questions,

you're gonna get your confidence.
Don't worry about it, man.

And the thing to remember is that you're
smarter than all those people.

- That's right.
- That's right.

I am?

That doesn't make any sense.

There are going to be
37 million viewers, Quigley.

I tell you, he'd better come through.

No question.

Oh, Mayor Collins.
Nice to see you, Mayor.

Take a seat right down front, Mayor.

Ha! It's the mayor.

I tell you, Quigley,

Medfield has really brought out
the fat cats tonight. Ha!

Mayor Collins and there's
Councilman Cooper over there

and Supervisor Straight and there's, uh,

oh, he's not anything.

Oh, there's Dean Collingsgood
in the booth.

Hello, Dean! Ha, ha!

Dean Coll... What's he doing here?

Well, it's perfectly natural for the dean of
the state university to be here.

Well, I don't like it.

Every time I see him, I have to hear
about his building program.

Building, building, building.

It's enough to make you sick.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

- Hello, Eugene. Hello.
- Nice of you to come.

Say, what about that
boy wonder of yours?

I've been hearing great things.

Well, you know, at Medfield,
the scholastic...

Nice to see you.

I would have gotten over here sooner,

but I've been tied up planning
our new science building.

Building, building, build...

You know, Quigley, sometimes I think I
should have taken up contracting

instead of education.

Say, Eugene, I was talking
to some of our faculty today,

and we thought it might be a good idea

if we had a sort of a
Dexter Reilly rally at State.

So many of our teachers
want to meet him...

No. I... I mean, he's all booked up.

Uh-huh. Well,
we can work something out.

Thirty seconds,
ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, I'd better take my seat.

I've been invited to sit in
the control room.

In the control room.

I tell you, he's trying to steal
that boy away from us.

Oh, you're exaggerating a little,
Dean Higgins, I'm sure of it.

You don't understand him, Quigley.
The man is greedy.

He's up to his throat in state money
and still he's greedy.

On behalf of the major networks,

I would like to extend thanks
to our learned panel

who has come here tonight
from all parts of our land

in the interests of science
and education.

And, of course, special thanks

to the one who is the reason
we are gathered here,

the wizard of Medfield College,
Dexter Reilly.

- Yay!
- Yay!

Each of our learned guests
will be allowed three questions.

Our first questions will be
from Dr. Rufus Schmidt,

head of the Department of Higher
Mathematics at Purdue University.

Dr. Schmidt.

Thank you.

Mr. Reilly, you're acquainted with the
mathematic subject of calculus?

Well, I...

I, uh, I guess I am.

I kind of looked at the text this morning.

I see.

Mr. Reilly, using the fundamental
theorem of advanced calculus,

and applying the formula

that the square of a distance
from the origin to "P"

is equal to "X" squared plus "Y" squared
plus "Z" squared.

Now, could you tell us the
point of the plane

where X+4, Y-1,

Z=26?

Point is where "X" is equal to 3,

"Y" is equal to 4,

and "Z" is equal to -1.

The answer's quite right.

You see?
He's getting his confidence.

I told you.

Your next question, Dr. Schmidt.

Mr. Reilly, my next question

is an exercise in mental gymnastics.

Could you please tell us

what 13 to the ninth power would be

and then give us the square root
of that product?

Thirteen to the ninth power would be

10,604,499,373.

The square root of that
product would be...

102,978 decimal point

14997852.

I'm afraid that's quite correct.

Hey.

Congratulations, Mr. Reilly.

I must say, that was really something.

Yes, I suppose it was,

but wouldn't it speed things up a bit

if we could save the applause
till the end?

We've wasted 38 seconds on it already.

Yes, uh, I'm sure the audience
would be glad to comply.

Good.

Your third question, Dr. Schmidt.

Mr. Reilly,

assuming that the population
of the United States

increases on a geometric progression...

Gentlemen, please.

This is our third question
in mathematics.

I hope you're aware

that I'm perfectly equipped
to go into other fields.

Of course.

Uh, perhaps now we could hear
from, uh, Dr. Seigel,

professor of foreign languages
at Lansing University.

Getting his confidence is one thing,

but this is ridiculous.

I liked him better the way he was.

We're awaiting the arrival
of the phenomenal Dexter Reilly.

It promises to be exciting,
so stay with us

as our cameras follow Dexter Reilly
on his journey through Gotham.

There's been a buzz of excitement

around the big city this past
week, ladies and gentlemen.

Everywhere you go, you hear
the same question,

is Dexter Reilly for real?

Now the landing platform is
in position, the door is open.

Should be any second now.

And there he is!

- Wow.
- Whoo-hoo.

- He's out of sight.
- He sure is.

Well...

Now, uh...

Uh, Mr. Reilly's being
greeted by two young ladies

who came all the way from
Yonkers just to greet him.

This is Priscilla Cummings...

Queen of the
Yonkers Botanical Society,

- and her lady-in-waiting...
- That dirty rat!

I always knew if he had any
brains, he'd be dangerous.

Hey, Annie, wait a second.
Just a second.

Look, I know Dexter's
acting kind of weird,

but it's kind of understandable.

I mean, all of a sudden, like,

he's the smartest guy in the whole world,

and everybody's catering to him.

Well, you're telling me.

Look at that crowd, Quigley.

What a boon for the college.

But, you know, we weren't thinking,
Quigley.

Why couldn't the boy
have been carrying a Medfield pennant?

Don't you think that would have
been pushing it a little, sir?

Yes?

Mr. Clodshoe is here.

- Clodshoe?
- From Universal Encyclopedia.

Oh, tell him we already have a set.

Salesmen. That's all we need.

We can't pay for what we have now.

He's no salesman, sir.

He's the president
of Universal Encyclopedia.

I don't... The president?

Sure. You know, they're
the people who sponsor

the "College Knowledge" program.

The quiz program where they ask the
questions from the encyclopedia,

and they give away $100,000?

What have I done, Quigley?

Oh.

Mr. Clodshoe,
it's a pleasure to meet you, sir.

It's a real pleasure.

Thank you. Who are you?

Who am... Ha, ha, ha! That's good.

I like that. Who am I?

And I like that set of
encyclopedias of yours.

I like it, remarkable set. Remarkable.

Displaying again his
remarkable intellectual prowess,

Dexter Reilly was able to
converse with each delegate

to the U.N. in his own tongue.

Speaking in French,
the official language of the U.N.,

Dexter Reilly has informed
the international group

that he must now go inside.

They're waiting for him
in the Security Council.

Earlier today, Dr. Suzuki of the
International School of Languages

stated that with a computer type brain,
such as Dexter Reilly has,

he'll soon be able to master
every language

the world has ever known.

I think he's given a good
indication of that today.

Professor Mertins, we need that boy.

He can wrap up that
"College Knowledge" program for us.

Should be a simple matter to get him
transferred to State.

We have so much more to offer.

Of course, but we can't
take any chances.

See if you can get Coach Parsons
in here.

Then we'll send off a wire to
Dexter Reilly.

Parsons? The football coach?

This is a problem of recruitment.

I need the best advice I can get.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Dexter Reilly is now at the
Long Street Jewelry Salon,

where he's been invited

to observe the cutting
of the Calcutta Blue.

I, uh, I hate to disturb you, sir.

Uh, just a minute, Quigley.
This is exciting.

And I wish that announcer
would raise his voice.

You'd think Arnold Palmer was putting.

Now, Sigmund Van Dyke, the world's
foremost diamond cutter,

is in charge of the operation.

Tremendous.

Well, this is rather important, sir.

It's about the
"College Knowledge" program.

That's no problem.

Dexter will chew up
those encyclopedias.

We'll beat every team in the state.

It seems that Mr. Van Dyke

is explaining the operation
to the boy wonder.

Only maybe we don't have Dexter.

What?

He hasn't registered
for the spring semester.

We've gotta do something!
We need that boy!

Winifred, get out Dexter's itinerary!

Find out when his plane arrives!

Quigley, how could you let this happen?

The first operation

of cutting the diamond
in two exact halves

is the most important.

I think Mr. Van Dyke
has now made a decision.

Wait a minute!

I beg you... I beg your pardon.

It seems there's an area
of disagreement

as to where the diamond should be cut.

Keep that kid away from me.

Yeah, Mr. Arno, but I'm kind
of busy right now.

Well, I hate to interrupt you
but I've got some good news.

Oh?

I think I've found a spot
for you in my organization.

- 13... 12...
- Gee, I haven't given much thought

to what I'm going to do...

- 11... 10...
- I'll tell you what.

- 9... 8...
- I'll pick you up at the airport.

We'll have a nice, relaxing afternoon.

- 4... 3...
- Then maybe talk a little business.

How's that? Hmm?

- 2... 1...
- That sounds fine, just a minute.

Zero.

Pardon us, boys. Pardon us.

- What's happening, please?
- Come on, you guys.

Hello, professor, how are you?

- Welcome home, boy.
- Dean Higgins. How are you?

Let me get this.

I know you've been very busy, son,
and it's probably just an oversight,

but you haven't registered
for the second quarter.

Now, if you can stop by the school
I'm sure we could take care of that.

Well, you see, Dean, there is a problem.

- A problem?
- Yes, I don't know whether

I want to enroll at Medfield
for the second quarter.

Well, where else would you possibly go?

Well, don't get me wrong.
It's not that I don't like Medfield.

I like it. I like the guys and the teachers
and I even like you.

There's Mr. Arno. Excuse me.

He likes me. Isn't that wonderful?

Dexter! Hi!

What's happening? What's happening?

Whoo!

Dexter?

- Where are you going in such a hurry?
- Yeah.

Mr. Arno wants to see me this afternoon.

- Well, so do we.
- Yeah, man.

Everybody's been waiting
for you to come home.

We're going to the lake this afternoon.

Annie, are you kidding?

Mr. Arno's a very important
man in this town.

I just can't turn my back on him.

Well, Dexter, he'll understand.

Yeah, come on, Dex.

And look, I'd like you to come, too.

I'm sorry, Annie.

Mr. Arno arranged for this
meeting yesterday.

I'll see you later, guys. I gotta go.

What's with him?

I don't know, Pete.

But I think if we're going to have
anything to do with Dexter anymore,

we'll have to make an appointment.

Yeah.

Little champagne, Dexter?

Best there is. $34 a bottle.

No, thanks. Uh, not right now.

Ah, healthy. Ha, ha, ha! I like that.

Well, who do you like
in the first race, kid?

Well, according to all the information,

it should be the number eight horse,
Market Doodle.

Market Doodle? Ha!
Boss, that horse is a pig.

It ain't got a chance in this race.

Well, it's just a matter of analyzing
all the information,

the weight, distance, past performance.

And Market Doodle does figure
out to be the best horse.

Bet $200 on Market Doodle.

Boss, how can you listen to this kid?

He don't know nothin' about horses.

I have been listening to you for years.

Do as I tell you.

Okay. Sweetheart...

I don't know. I think you're flipping.

$200, Market Doodle,
the number eight horse.

Flag is up.

And there they go.
Market Doodle comes slowly.

French Suzie is going
to beat First Orbit,

second, Cottontop,

third on the outside, Maladjusted,

fourth, Nobody's Baby,
Clean Clem, Rare Addition,

then Snoopy's Pal and Market Doodle.

Down the backstretch, it's First Orbit

in front, between horses, by a head.

Cottontop is second on the rail,
by a neck,

French Suzie, third, by a length,

Nobody's Baby is fourth,
and Market Doodle is far back.

Around the far turn,

it's Maladjusted in front
on the inside by a head.

French Suzie is second by a neck.

First Orbit, third. Cottontop is fourth.

Nobody's Baby and Clean Clem
turning for home.

It's First Orbit in front
on the inside by a head.

Cottontop is second by two lengths.

French Suzie, third,
Maladjusted, fourth,

and Market Doodle is closing
much ground on the outside.

Come on, boy!

It's French Suzie in front
on the outside by a head.

First Orbit is second by a half-length.

Cottontop, third by a length.
Maladjusted is fourth.

And here comes Market Doodle
in the middle of the track.

- French Suzie in front.
- Come on! Come on!

First Orbit is second, Cottontop, third.

And Market Doodle flying
on the outside.

- French Suzie...
- Come! Come on!

Market Doodle moving up
on the outside.

Here comes Market Doodle.

Come on, boy! Come on!

French Suzie and Market Doodle...

And Market Doodle
is the winner by a nose.

Hey! Ha, ha, ha!

Hey, honey, cash 'em in. Cash 'em in.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Uh, you bum.

16... 18... 20...

22... 24... 26...

$28,000.

I never seen anyone win that much
money all at once, straight.

Yeah, not a bad afternoon.

Well, I gotta split.

I got a chamber meeting tonight.

Chillie will take you to dinner.

Take him down to Garibaldis.

They got good pizza there.

- Hi, there.
- Hey, Tom.

Here, you drive, kid. I'm right over here.

Hey, thanks.

Oh, Dexter, can I have a word with you?

Uh, we are in a hurry, Dean.

It's very important.
It's about your enrollment.

I brought the short form. I think this
will be an ideal time to discuss it.

I'm sorry, Dean, but I'm afraid

we'll have to talk about it
some other time, okay?

Well, I really think
we should talk about it tonight.

Sorry.

Is that all right with you?

Impossible.

You haven't been talking
to Dean Collingsgood, have you?

- Not yet.
- Wh...

Not yet?

What are you doing here?

Well, uh, I, I'm absolutely f... I'm fl...

Isn't this Professor Stanley's house?

There was supposed to be
a dinner party in my honor

at Professor Stanley's.

You're not fooling me, Collingsgood.

I know what you're doing here.

It's a raid!

Ladies and gentlemen,
we're police officers.

All the exits are guarded.

We urge everybody to remain calm.

It is my duty to inform you
of your Constitutional rights.

You have the right to remain silent.

You have the right to have an attorney

present before and during
all questioning.

If you wish an attorney and
cannot afford one,

the state will refer an attorney.

For those of you...

Where do you think
you're going, buster?

Buster? My name is not Buster.

This is just what I thought it was.

- This is a case of mistaken identity.
- Ha!

How I ever let you lead me
into such a mess!

Lead you?

You're the one that tried to steal the boy.

You ought to be in jail, not me.

Collingsgood, you're acting like this

is the first time a thing like this
has ever happened.

- Hey, you okay, kid?
- I can remember the time

you stole "Breakaway" Jones from me.

Hey, come on.
Don't be depressed, will you?

Spending the night in jail ain't so bad.

Look at me.
I've been in and out 100 times.

It's not that.

It's not the alumni
that's trying to steal Dexter.

It's you.

You know, I don't understand you.

You should be the happiest
guy in the world.

I've been going to the track all my life.

I never once met a guy

who could pick eight races
in a row, never.

Dexter, you and me could have
the world at our feet here.

I'm just trying
to be fair to the boy.

I mean, with his capabilities,

why should he stay at
an academic fleabag like Medfield?

Well, it was that academic fleabag

that taught Dexter Reilly
everything he knows.

You just want him for that
"College Knowledge" program,

and you know it.

You know,
everyone's just out for himself.

It was like that everywhere I went.

Everyone's just out for himself.

Oh, you mean those guys?

Don't let them bother you, man.

You stick with me.

Who are you thinking of, Mr. Walski?

Oh, come on, will you, kid?

You're supposed to be smart,
some sort of genius.

Don't you think everybody
thinks about themself?

Huh?

Okay, kid, you've been bailed out.

There, you see I told you
Mr. Arno would come through.

- Just the boy.
- Huh?

Oh, uh, Dexter, tell the boss, uh,
not to forget I'm in here, huh?

Uh, Dexter...

Uh, Dexter, do you suppose
that you could, uh...

Dean Higgins,
I don't know what I'm gonna do.

92... 93... 94... 95... 96...

Will you all shut up for just one minute?

92... 93... 94... 95...

Quiet!

96... $97.50.

Well, the bail for Dexter Reilly's $100.

You've only got $97.50 here.
You owe $2.50 more.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

Now, if you'll all promise
to get out of here,

I'll pay the $2.50 myself.

Dean Higgins, I'll come by tomorrow
and fill out that application.

Oh, that'll be wonderful.

Hey!

What's happening?

The jailbird.

Thanks for bailing me out, guys.

- Sure, man.
- Yeah, sure.

A lot of things have been
happening to me lately.

Yeah, I...

I guess I've been acting kind of weird.

But I guess the worst thing I did

was to forget who my friends really were.

- Aw, come on.
- What are friends for?

I'd just like to say that I'm sorry.

- Come on.
- What are friends for, man?

Come on, man.

Annie...

Annie, I, uh...

What?

Heck, I don't know what I was doing.

That's okay. Come on, let's go.

That's fantastic.

You did the S's in
eight minutes and 18 seconds.

That beat the R's
by nine-and-a-half seconds.

And there were 1,200 pages in the S's

and only 1,000 in the R's.

I picked up 22.68%.

I'll get it.

Oh, hi, Professor Quigley.

Hello, Bradley.
Is Dexter here?

Yeah, he's just boning up

- for the "College Knowledge" program.
- Time. Mark.

Page four, paragraph 16,
line 398, word 4,001.

Hi, Professor.

Hello, Dexter. Boys.

Well, I'm, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt anything.

Oh, don't worry.
Heck, these are a cinch.

Ah, you can't believe this guy.

Yes. Yes. I know. Hmm.

Well, it's just, uh, a little thing, Dexter.

It, uh, seems that we need,
uh, three more members

for the panel.

I see.

And, uh, Dean Higgins sent
over a list of suggestions.

Oh. For you.

These guys are smart, all right.

Well, you know me, Quigley,
I'm not a proud man.

If, uh, Dexter doesn't
like my suggestions,

then he can have anybody he wants.

Good.

Who does he want?

Schuyler, Henry and Myles.

Hmm. Schuyler, Henry and Myles.

That seems like a perfectly logical s...

Schuyler, Henry, and Myles? Oh, no.

Eh, well, they're very
good friends of his, sir.

Well, I don't care.

And I'm afraid

that if we tried to force
anyone else on him,

he might...

He might. You're right. He might.

He would, too.

I mean, we want to keep that boy happy.

But Schuyler, Henry, and Myles.

Well, I'm not sure about
the answer to the third part.

But the answer to part one
is "The Battle of Thermopylae,"

and the answer to part two
is "The Naval Battle of Salamis."

Well, Lockhurst has answered two parts
out of three correctly.

And that's good for 20 points.

Now we have a question

concerning Greek art directed
to our Medfield panel.

For 10 points each,

please name the three greatest sculptors

of the Golden Age of Greece.

- Okay, Schuyler, you answer this one.
- What?

It doesn't look good
if I answer all the questions.

Now, there were three sculptors.

Phidias, who did a statue of Athena,

and Praxiteles, who specialized
in human figures,

then there was Myron, who sculpted
the figure of a discus-thrower,

kind of like the best thing he ever done.
Okay. You got it?

Got what?

Gentlemen, you have 20 seconds.

Well, tell him.

I think I misunderstood the question, sir.

You tell him, Henry.

Who's that guy, Merlin?

Not Merlin, Myron.

Is he the guy who threw the shot put?

It wasn't a shot put. It was a discus.

And he didn't throw it.
He was a sculptor.

Gentlemen, your time is almost up.

I think I misunderstood the answer, sir.

You did?

That's the last time I'll do that.

We have time for one more question

directed to our Medfield panel.

Gentlemen, these are the works
of the famous Marcel Duchamp

as found in the collection of
the Philadelphia Museum of Art.

Thank you, Miss Ackerman.

For 10 points each, please identify.

Number one is called
Portrait of Chess Players.

It was painted in 1911.

Number two is called The Bride,

and it was painted in 1912.

And number three is called

A Nude Descending a Staircase.

It was also painted in 1912.

That's right on the button.

Very good.
That answer is absolutely correct.

Next week, Medfield will meet
Franklin in the semifinals.

So until then, good night to you
from Universal Encyclopedia,

your passport to knowledge.

You guys were great. We're gonna win.

Thanks. Hey.

A Nude Descending a Staircase.

- Boy, that'd never make Playboy.
- Ha.

Oh, Dean Collingsgood, nice to see you.

You're scouting, I imagine.

Can hardly blame you.

It should be Medfield
and State in the finals.

Oh, what an exciting match that'll be.

And I would like to say
right at the beginning,

I hope that the better team may win.

- Withdraw him, Eugene.
- I beg your pardon.

If you had an ounce of integrity,
you'd withdraw him.

- Withdraw whom?
- That boy. It's unfair.

He's an intellectual freak!

Now, Dean Collingsgood,
control yourself.

I know how you feel,
but you can't win them all.

Unfortunately, this year,
Medfield has the horses.

Hmm. Are those the horses?

Well, actually, Collingsgood,

they're just, uh, part of the team.

For 10 points each, could you give us

the highest and lowest points
in South America?

The highest point is Mount Aconcagua,
which is 22,934 feet.

The lowest point is Salinas Grandes,

which is 131 feet below sea level.

Both locations are in Argentina.

That is absolutely correct.

20 points for Medfield.

How do you like that?

I could have had that kid
in my organization.

Hey, I didn't try to get him
arrested, you know.

He won't even answer
the phone when I call.

But, boss, how did I know
there was gonna be a raid?

- I mean, I didn't think that...
- Will you shut up? I want to hear this.

However, we have time
for one more question,

and I will direct it to our Medfield panel.

The Department of Agriculture
stated last year

the people of the United States

consume more apples
than any other country.

Some of that consumption
was in the liquid form.

Can you give the phrase in slang

for the central unfrozen portion
in a container of frozen cider?

Applejack.

- That's absolutely right.
- Applejack.

Applejack, Chissum City Social Club

137, Feb. 29,

animals 740, tables 600...

Hey, boss, I had nothin' to do with this,
I swear. Nothin'.

Applejack, Pompey Palace,

138, Feb. 29.

Animals 740.

Applejack, Charlie Place.

Are you all right, Mr. Reilly?

Yeah, sure.

What was I talking about?

Mr. Arno, if you could please
relax for just a little...

All right. Out, out. Just get out of here.

But what do
I do with this?

Chissum City Social Club.

Hello. This is Applejack.

Oh, yes, sir.

Shut down right now.

Everybody and everything out of there.

I don't want a trace of that operation left.

Shut down? Why? What's the matter?
Somethin' wrong?

Just do as you're told. I'll keep in touch.

Whatever you say.

Boys, out!

We gotta put that kid on ice.

Look, we need time to figure this out.

Hello? Long distance?

I want the Pompey Palace
on Franklin Road in Charlottesville.

Yeah.

You know, if that kid
hadn't been stopped,

he'd have mentioned every joint
I own in this state.

Pick him up.

Take him out to the Hancock place.

Right.

What?

No, I don't know the area code.

Hello, Dexter.

What are you doing here?

Well, Mr. Arno figured you might be
overworking yourself.

He thought you could use
a little vacation in the country.

Go ahead. Start the car.

You know, fresh air and stuff.

Look, Mr. Arno's not my boss,

and I don't need any vacation.

Dexter, start the car.

Well, drive.

I just don't know what could
have happened, Lieutenant.

He was supposed to be at my house
about 8:30 last night,

and he never showed up.

And nobody's seen him since.

Well, we've checked all over.

He hasn't been in an accident
nor has he been arrested.

Lieutenant, I wonder

if he could have had
an attack of amnesia.

With that peculiar brain of his,

he might just have wandered
off somewhere.

Could be miles away by now.

Mmm-hmm. I've alerted the state patrol

to be on the lookout for his car.

And if they don't
pick him up pretty soon,

then I'm afraid we'll have
to suspect foul play.

Hmm. Foul play, huh?

Well, that's it! He's been kidnapped.

Collingsgood has kidnapped him.

Collingsgood?

You don't mean Dean Collingsgood
over at State?

Well, yes, of course.

Oh, don't you see it, Quigley?

I mean, if Dexter isn't back tomorrow

for that "College Knowledge" program,

then Springfield State will
get the $100,000 grant.

We don't stand a chance without him.

- Uh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Hmm?

The dean of a college, a kidnapper?

Well, you don't know him.
You don't know him at all.

The man is ruthless.

He gets all that taxpayers'
money and still he's ruthless.

Yeah. Uh-huh.
I see.

Well, we'll, uh, we'll check it out.

I guess that'll be all for now.

If any of you hear anything,

uh, be sure to let me know.

Thank you.

Pete... I just don't think

Dexter would go wandering off
without telling anyone.

I don't think the lieutenant does either.

Let's stop by my place for a second.

I just thought of something.

Applejack, Chissum City Social Club

137, Feb. 29.

Animals 740, tables 600,

amusements 500.

Applejack, Pompey Palace 138,
Feb. 29.

Animals 740.

Applejack, Charlie...

Gee, all those places
and always "Applejack."

That's weird.

When I played the tapes to Dexter,

he didn't remember.

He didn't have the foggiest
idea what they were.

Maybe it doesn't mean anything.

Nah, they got to.

Look, he was on TV for 15 weeks,

and nothing happens to him.

Then all of a sudden,
he mentions "Applejack," and wham!

Just like that, he's missing.

Pete, I just don't get it.

What?

Look, Dexter glances through
an encyclopedia,

he remembers every single word.

He browses through a book
on an oriental language,

and then speaks it fluently,

remembering every accent.

He remembers everything

he's ever seen, touched, heard, or read

in his whole life.

How come he doesn't remember this?

Pete, it doesn't make sense.

Unless, unless he'd never read it

or seen it or heard it before.

It was in the computer.

Of course.

When he got that big, giant shock,

he was not only able to remember
and think like a computer,

but all the information that was
in the computer was zapped into him,

and he didn't even know it.

And now he blurts it all over the TV.

That's why
he's missing.

A.J., Applejack. AJ Arno.

A code name...

- Applejack.
- For something,

something he doesn't want
anybody to know about.

Hi.

Tables, animals, amusements.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Pete, nobody would believe
this but you and me.

Hi.

I don't care who believes it,
just as long as we find Dexter.

Hey, Schuyler, will you
do a favor for me?

Sure.

All right. Take these tapes
down to the police station.

Tell them if they look up these places,

they're gonna find out
what Applejack is up to.

Applejack is Arno,
and he's probably a crook.

And the reason why we know
Applejack is Arno

is 'cause it came from the
computer into Dexter's head.

And that's why Dexter
doesn't remember it.

Come on.

138, Feb. 29, animals 740.

Applejack, Charlie Place...

That's why Pete remembered
that Applejack was Arno.

Arno?

Yeah, because it was the only
thing he couldn't remember.

Pete couldn't remember?

No, no, no. Dexter.

And that's how he remembered.

Because he couldn't?

Exactly.

Yeah.

Well, uh, thank you, Mr. Schuyler.

Sure.

Oh. Incidentally,
if I go out of town or anything,

I'll be sure to notify you.

Meantime, I'll be on
the "College Knowledge" program

if either of you want me.

Tell me straight, Lieutenant.

Ever seen anything like that before?

Never.

Let's hit this tape. I want to hear it again.

What do we do now, Pete?

Well, if there's any
dirty work to be done,

Arno wouldn't be involved.

Come on. Let's follow his stooge.

I hope you're right.

Licorice Skull.

$50 on Licorice Skull in the fifth.

And John Aloicious in the sixth, $50.

Miss Press. Yeah, that's right.

Miss Press in the seventh, $50.

In the eighth, Forever Anger. $50.

Yeah, that's it. Thanks.

Angie, uh, a word, if you please.

Sure. Get your mind
on Sataquoi Downs.

Hey, how'd you ever get the kid
to pick the horses?

It's easy.

If he don't pick the winners,
he don't eat.

Hey, hey. That's good thinking.
Good thinking.

But it don't make no difference.

I just got the word... We get rid of him.

Oh, gee.

I was just gettin' a good streak goin'.

The boss says he cannot live,
not with that memory of his.

Yeah. Well, I figured it'd come to that.

That's too bad,

but we gotta figure out now
how to get rid of the body

so nobody but nobody finds it.

That's understandable.

Hey, how 'bout Navajo Lake?

It's about 240 feet deep in the center.

We weight the kid down, throw him in.

He goes down and down and down.

Nobody'd ever find him.

Nothin' the matter with that.

I like it.

Maybe we could get some fishing
in afterwards, huh?

The season don't open
for a couple weeks yet.

Well, gamble. We'll take a chance.

Well, whatever.

Good. Then it's all settled.

First thing in the morning,
kid takes a dip in the lake, huh?

Beautiful. But let me get
a couple more winners.

Yeah, sure, calling the police
would be the easy way.

What about Dexter?

He ends up in jail with the rest of 'em.

Yeah, but how are we gonna
get Dexter out of the house

without the help of the police?

We gotta realize that
this could be dangerous.

Okay. So it's dangerous.
We owe it to Dexter.

And what's a couple of bullets
in the old gut anyway?

Yeah.

You aren't going.

You guys and Schuyler
gotta stick around here

for the "College Knowledge"
program tomorrow.

Us?

Without Dexter?

Oh. I've rather have
a couple of bullets in the old gut.

Listen, what if we get hung up

and we don't get back in time?

You guys gotta represent the school.

What's your idea, Pete?

Okay. We gotta have the run of the place

without anybody catching on.

Somebody's coming!

Hey, where's the paint
for the trim?

Chillie, there's a whole bunch
of painters outside.

- Painters?
- Yeah.

Get him upstairs.
Come on, come on.

- Upstairs, kid.
- I hate painters.

See? They're swarmin' all over.

Good morning.

What are you people doing
out here, what is this?

- We're painting the house.
- I can see that! What am I, blind? Why?

Well, this is the Hancock house,
isn't it?

- 22 Forest View Road?
- Yeah. Yeah, this is it.

Boy, you had me worried
there for a second.

Terrible thing if we were
painting the wrong house.

What is this?

That's an order.
No, it's all correct.

An order to paint the house.

- An order, huh?
- Yeah.

Well, look, look, why don't you people
come back tomorrow, huh?

We can't do that.
We gotta do it today.

Man,
it says so right here.

Give me this!
Angie, nobody moves here, nobody.

Whatever.

Just hold up the work here!

Hold it, kid!
Hold, hold it!

One second.

Good morning.
Medfield Paint Company.

We cover the county.

Oh, they got there. Fine. Fine.

You mean they really
are painters?

They look like a bunch
of punks to me.

Well, sir, they're part
of our youth program.

Don't worry, you'll find
they do excellent work.

I guess it's okay.
They check out.

This could be murder!

Not if we don't panic.

Just keep on painting
the house

like we know
what we're doing,

and keep your eyes on those
windows and be ready, okay?

You have any luck up there?

Nothing yet.

That's where I thought
they'd be keeping him.

Yeah, well, some of
the shades are drawn.

He could be in one of those
rooms without us knowing it.

Yeah. We'll watch real close.

Hey! Look out!

Beautiful.

Really beautiful.

Oh, come on, you guys!
Be careful, will ya?

You know, we've been here
almost an hour

and nobody's
seen anything of him.

Do you think he's up there, Pete?

Yeah, he's in there. I'll guarantee it.

He's in there somewhere, man.

Just keep your eyes peeled, okay?

The big guy's gone through
a couple times,

but so far, no Dexter.

Bradley!

Bradley, what...

Oh, Bradley!

You mean I was supposed to paint the
house orange and the trim green?

That's exactly what I mean
to tell you, Bradley!

Gosh, Pete, I don't know how I could
make a mistake like that.

Pete!

Pete, those guys!
I just heard them talking,

and they're going to do
something to Dexter, I know it!

All right. What'd they say, Annie?

Well, they said to get him
ready, and the longer they wait,

the more chance they have
of getting caught.

And then a couple of them went upstairs.

Okay. We gotta make our move.

Come on, let's go.

I don't understand
why you don't understand.

The police understood perfectly.

Ohh. Oh, Quigley,
thank heavens you're here.

- Did you find Dexter?
- No luck. I'm sorry.

What, do you realize we might
be stuck with these things?

Oh, now, really, Dean, we don't like this
any more than you do.

Oh, shut up. I'm talking to him.

Don't we at least have
an alternate for Dexter?

Well, yes.
We, uh, we have Peter Oatzel.

Oh, thank heavens.
At least he's intelligent.

Only, uh, he's not there, either.

Where is he? Where?

Well, uh, as near as I can find out,

he's off painting a house somewhere.

- Painting a house?
- Good morning, Eugene.

I see we're all here early.

Well, it's the early bird
that catches the worm.

Don't you worm me, you worm!

Eugene.

Now, what have you done with that boy?

You've done something with him!

I'm gonna see you in jail for this!

Dean Higgins, perhaps we'd
better go sit down.

I don't want to sit down.

Eugene, you mustn't get yourself
so excited.

After all, you have your health
to think about.

So you don't win the contest.

It's only money.

A car!

Oh, hi, boss.

What's with all those kids out there?

- Oh, you mean the painters?
- Painters?

This place looks like
a Halloween joke!

Oh, no. I called their shop, boss.

They're painters.
I tell ya, they're okay.

They'd better be.

They are. You'll see. I checked.

Sherwood Forest.
Robin Hood speaking.

This 247-8824?

Congratulations. You win the prize.

How would you like
your sheep dog wrapped?

So, they're okay?

You checked 'em out, did ya?

They're not painters, you numskull!

They're a bunch
of his school buddies!

- School buddies! I knew it all the time!
- Yeah, I'll bet!

How are you gonna get him
outta here?

Oh, boss, I am way ahead
of you on that.

The boys are upstairs getting
him ready right now.

Oh, you pea brain.

Did you find him?

No. Didn't you guys?

- No.
- No.

I looked everywhere, even in the closets.

Arno's guys, what are they doing?

Well, they're back there packing a trunk.

They must be getting ready
to leave or something.

I mean, they, they wouldn't leave

without taking Dexter
along with them.

What kind of a trunk was it, Bradley?

Um, about that long,
and about that high.

You know, a regular trunk.

It was Dexter.

They're packing Dexter!

- Man, this kid's heavy!
- They're comin'!

Take it easy goin' around the corner.

How come I always get
the heavy end?

Quit complainin', will ya?

Oh!

Ugh!

Here, here, here!

Well, break it down!

Yeah, yeah.

The door!

- Hey!
- Ohh!

Grab it! Grab it!

Dexter? Dexter!

Come on! Let's get outta here!

Whoa!

Ahhh!

Ohhh!

Aw, you're probably outta gas, you idiot!

What's goin' on here?

They put paint in everything.

Well, what do we do now?

- The kid's car!
- Well, come on! Let's go!

Come on! Let's go! Let's go!

This is the only truck I've ever been in
that didn't have any tools in it.

Dexter, are you all right?

Hey, it's hot! Get me outta here!

He, he needs ventilation!

Dexter's car! I forgot all about it!

Give it all you got!

I can't! I've got it floored now!

What are we going to do?

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, get me outta here!

Come on, help me with this paint.

Not them!

Their tires.

Get closer.

Whoo-hoo! Ha ha!

Oh, no! Here he comes again, Pete!

- What are we going to do?
- Let's get the other one! The other one!

Look out! They're gonna dump
some more paint!

No problem.

Aaaahh!

Get me in, you dummies!

Get me in!

Fall!

What are you tryin' to do, kill me?

Now what, Pete?

Start dumping everything.

Throw everything!

Duck!

Whoo-hoo!

Aw, you blithering idiot!

Aw, shut up!

We will now direct our
fourth historical question

to Medfield College.

The word "paleolithic"
is used to describe

a stage of human culture lasting
probably over a million years

and ending about 8,000 B.C.

Now, for 10 points each, describe and
date the following cultures.

The mesolithic culture, the neolithic
culture, and the chalcolithic culture.

Do you know what he's talking about?

No. Do you know what he's
talking about?

Unh-unh.

Gentlemen, you have about
15 seconds.

He could give me 15 months.

Medfield, your time is about up.
I will need an answer.

We pass on that one, your honor.

"Your honor?"

We have the reports about
that stuff on the tape.

Yeah?

That kid really had something.

Riverdale and Scottsfield
card room,

and Emmitt Junction, a horse
parlor behind a barbershop.

And the guy in Emmitt Junction
mentioned a Mr. AJ Arno.

Well.

That's the end of an era.

Mm-hmm.

Let's pick him up.

Bradley, go tell Dean Higgins
we've got Dexter here.

Right!

Dexter, are you all right?

Oh, I don't know.

What's the matter?

It's my head.
There's this ringing in my head.

Come on, let's get him outta this box.
Maybe he'll feel better.

Now, take it easy with him!

Hey, Dexter,
straighten out your legs.

I can't!

And they were bringing him
down the hall,

and then we fought with them,

and we took him in the room
and put him on the windowsill.

- Put who on the windowsill?
- I think it's "whom," sir.

Oh, is it? I don't care about that!

What about, go on with the story!

And then the trunk fell out
of a second-story window.

On top of him?

No, he was in it.

- Hi, Dean Higgins.
- Hi, Dean.

What happened to him?

Ah, it's a long story,
Dean Higgins.

It was really a terrible experience.

Bradley, I'm not asking you.

Look, Dean Higgins, Dexter's
been through quite a bit,

but that really doesn't matter now.

The main thing
is that we got him back.

So you don't have to worry
about him.

He's gonna be all right...

I think.

And so we arrive at the halfway
portion of our show

with the score Springfield, 115,
Medfield, 20.

Hey, that's Dexter.

It looks like the missing panelist from
Medfield has finally shown up.

There, ladies and gentlemen,

we'll see now whether the old adage
"better late than never" can hold up.

Medfield has quite a bit of
ground to make up,

and, uh, we'll see whether the
man with the computerlike mind

can, uh, can pull it off.

It should be
an exciting second half.

And we will begin,
peculiarly enough,

by asking this 20-pointer
of Medfield.

He's here.

Would you please give us
the common name

of the following species of birds.

The Lagopus Scoticus,

the Amazona Farinosa,

and the Pica Pica?

The Lagopus Scoticus
is the red grouse,

the Amazona Farinosa
is the mag...

Parrot, and the Pica Pica
is the magpie.

That is absolutely correct!
20 points for Medfield.

I tell you, Quigley,
it's in the bag.

For 10 points each,

could you tell us the capitals
of these countries.

Pakistan, Mongolia, and Jordan?

The capital of Pakistan
is Rawalpindi,

Mongolia...

Ulaanbaatar...

Jordan is A...

Amman.

That's absolutely correct
for 30 points.

Quigley, what's the matter with him?

I think
he's falling apart.

Now, Springfield State,

please give us the victorious
army and generals

in the following
Revolutionary War battles.

The first battle of
Freeman Farm,

Bennington,
and the Battle of Quebec.

Bennington.

Freeman Farm was under Stark,

Bennington under Cornwallis,

- and Quebec under Carleton.
- Sorry.

The information is correct, but
the correlation is incorrect.

Medfield, Freeman Farm,

Bennington,
and the Battle of Quebec.

Freeman Farm...

The English...

Under Corn-wallis.

Benning-ton...

Bennington...

The Ameri-cans...

Un-der...

S...

S... Stark.

Quebec, Dexter.

What about Quebec?

The... En-glish...

Un-der...

Carle-ton.

That's correct.

We're getting there,

but I don't know how much
more of this I can stand.

Would you, Springfield State,
give us, in the proper order,

the six largest bodies of water
in the world?

The, uh, Pacific, Atlantic,
Indian, Arctic,

Mediterranean, and Caribbean.

Sorry, again.
The order is not quite correct.

Medfield, you now have
an opportunity to go ahead.

The Pacific,
At-lan-t-tic...

In-di-an...

A-ar-ctic...

Car-i-bbe-an...

And Med-i...

Ttt-ttt...

Ttt-tt...

Terranean.

That is absolutely correct.

20 more points for Medfield.

And with two minutes left,

Medfield now has
a 15-point advantage.

Maybe we can make it now.

We live in hope.

Now, a 10-pointer
for Springfield State.

In the Congress
of the United States,

there are 435 representatives.

Please tell us
how many representatives

come from states
west of the Mississippi.

140?

148.

Out of 435 representatives,

148 come from states
west of the Mississippi.

That is correct for 10 points,

and Medfield's lead
is now cut to five points!

Medfield...

New York City was the first
capital of the United States.

For 10 points, can you name the second
capital of the United States

and what year it was moved
to Washington?

Ph...

Come on, Dexter.
Hang on for another minute.

Ph...

Phil-a-dee...

El-phi-a...

M-m-moved...

I-i-i-i-in...

Eight-t-t-t-t-teen...

Eight-teeee-yump.

"Yump?"

Oh, he's gone, Quigley.
He's completely gone.

Springfield...

For 10 points and the lead,

can you answer the question?

The national capital moved

from Philadelphia to
Washington, D.C., in 1800.

That is absolutely correct!

We have time now for one last question,

a 10-pointer for Medfield.

And this will determine the winner.

A small, midwest city is located
exactly on an area

designated as the geographic
center of the United States.

For 10 points and $100,000,

can you tell us the name of that city?

Come on, Dexter. Think.

I can't.

I've had it!

I'm just like I used to be!

But you know this one.

We talked about it before.

Remember? It's that place

where my uncle owns
the dry-cleaning store.

I've told you about it
a thousand times.

You know, they have those signs
at the edge of town that...

I know.

For the first time in 15 weeks,
I know an answer.

I know!

He knows?

I know!

Yes, well, sit down
and give us an answer.

I know. I know, I know,
I know, I know!

You have three seconds left.

Lebanon. Lebanon, Kansas.

That is absolutely correct,

and Medfield wins
the $100,000 prize!

We've gotta get outta here.

Not here, stupid! Come on!

- Yes!
- Now, take it easy!

You almost killed me before!

Don't worry, boss. Don't worry.

Do you hear a siren?

What siren?

Why, you stupid...

Don't worry about it, gentlemen.
We got insurance.

But, Dean Higgins, it's new equipment

like this electroheliospectrograph

that's going to put Medfield on the map.

Oh, really, Quigley,
an electroheliospectrogram?

Graph, sir.

Well, graph. Whatever.

Everybody knows that I am
all for progress,

but there are limits.

You wanted a computer,
we got you a computer.

Now, I'll admit, I was a little
bit reluctant at first,

but we've got to remember,

we can't do everything
that a state school can do.

Now, there's Collingsgood,
sitting over there

in the lap of luxury
with all that tax money,

building, building, building.

It's disgusting, all that building!

I tell you, the trials

and tribulations of administration

weigh heavily on one today.

It's not easy to be a dean
in a private school today.

It's tough, tough, tough.

There they are again.

Every time we meet, they meet.

Maybe I can find out from
the gardener what's going on.

Oh, uh, strike that, Winifred.

No, I'm, I'm sorry, Quigley.

The helioelectrospectrograph
is out.

Electroheliospectrograph.

Well, whatever it is, it's out.

- It's, uh, gram?
- Graph.

Graph. Out.

Gentlemen,
I've made a decision

on what we're going to do
with our award money.

As you know, the building
and loan associations

are paying an excellent rate
of interest.

Now, if we were to put our funds
in one of these institutions,

at the end of, say, uh, five years,

the equivalent of interest would
obviously be considerable.

And at that time I think it
would behoove us

to look into the long-neglected
plumbing situation.

- Plumbing?
- Plumbing, are you kidding?

How do you like that?

We kill ourselves
on that program,

and Higgins wants to spend
the dough on plumbing.

Poor Quig. You know,
we ought to figure a way

to get him one of those things.

Yeah, that's for sure.

See you later.

Oh, yeah. See you later.

Hey, Dexter, what's an
electroheliospectrogram?

Heck, I don't know.

I don't know either,
but if we ever get one,

don't fool around with it, okay?

Okay.