All language subtitles for Step.By.Step.S06E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

[GASPS]
No! No-no-no!

Hey, Carol. Have you
seen my sleeping bag?

Ah, it's in the garage.
Why do you want it?

Oh. There's this
really cool concert
called Rock Festival 97.

See, 50 of the hottest bands
are gonna be there.

Me and J.T. and the girls
are gonna go up

and camp on this
abandoned pig farm
and party all weekend.

It is going
to be so happening.

Yeah, and you are so
not going. [LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]
Why not?

Well, let's review.
Shall we?

Deviant rock bands.

A bunch of teenagers
sleeping side-by-side

Without adult supervision

except for what's left
of the Grateful Dead.

I don't think so.

Carol, come on.

There's gonna be, like,
a zillion of us there.
What can possibly happen?

What could happen?
Well, let's see...

You're up there listening
to a group called Moral Sewage,

and a guy named Viper
comes up

and invites you to a party
in his sleeping bag,

and nine months later
I have a grandson
named Snake Bite.

So what are you saying?
We can't go to the concert?

[LAUGHS]

-Was that a no?
-[LAUGHS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Carol.

Oh! Gosh, you haven't changed
in 25 years!

Well, thank you. Who are you?

Oh! Let me see if this
jogs your memory.

♪ Gimme a head with hair, long beautiful hair ♪

♪ Gleaming, streaming, shining, flaxen, waxin' ♪

-♪ Gimme it down to there ♪
-♪ Hair! ♪

♪ Shoulder length and longer ♪

BOTH:
♪ Here baby, there mama ♪

♪ Everywhere daddy,
daddy, Hair! ♪

-[SCREAMING]
-[LAUGHING]

Oh, Frank,
this is Patti Pasorelli,

my old friend
from high school.

-Hi.
-Hi. Hi!

Well, actually,
it's Patti Roberts now.

-Oh.
-Oh! Oh, honey. I'm so sorry.

-This is my husband.
-[GASPS]

-This is Dave.
-Hi!

Officer Dave Roberts.
How are ya?

Oh, officer. So you're
a policeman then, huh?

[LAUGHS]
Yeah, 10-4, Frank.
State trooper.

The big boys.

Ah.

-Well, gee, come on in.
Sit down, please. Here.
-Oh, yes!

-[LAUGHS]
-Oh. Oh, thank you.

Well, my, my.
What, uh--

what brings you all
to Port Washington, huh?

Well, headquarters
is sending me down to Chicago
for the convention, uh,

to show off our new
prototype squad car.

That baby's loaded with so much
crime-fighting technology,

you could invade Baghdad
with it. [LAUGHS]

See you guys later.
We're going to the movies.

Yeah, we'll be able to sit
pretty much anywhere we want to

because every other
teenager in town
will be at Rock Festival 97!

Yeah. Yeah, but don't you
worry about us

raisin' all kinds
of heck tonight.

We'll make sure the movie's
suitable for youngsters.

Then, afterwards,
we'll be down at the malt shop
having root beers with Potsie.

Patti...

These are my very bitter
children.

Hi. I'm Patti.

Well, they're mad at me
because I won't let them
go to Rock Festival 97.

-Well, why not? You and I
had a great time at Woodstock.
-Mmm...

Wait a minute.

Carol went to Woodstock?

Then how come we can't
go to Rock Festival 97?

Oh, Al.
Woodstock was...

different.

Oh, really?

Let's review. Shall we?

Deviant rock bands, um,

teenagers sleeping side-by-side,
and no adult supervision

other than the Grateful Dead.

Carol,
I don't think you need
to worry about the kids.

I mean, it can't be nearly
as wild as Woodstock.

I mean,
it's not like they're gonna
go up there and smoke pot

and dance on a VW van
like you did.

Patti, Patti, uh...

-Patti, I think you just
committed a "5-11."
-What?

Getting your old friend in
trouble in front of her kids.

Maybe I shouldn't
have said that.

Yeah, you think so?

Okay. Uh, well, I get it.

You got a little crazy
at Woodstock,

so now we can't go
to Rock Festival 97.

Oh, look. I was young.
I only tried it once.

It was a very stupid
thing to do,

and I just don't want
the same thing to happen
to any of you.

Carol. We're not going
there to do drugs.

We're going there
to listen to music.

Yes, well, I want to make
myself perfectly clear.

I don't want you thinking
because I made a mistake
many, many years ago,

that you guys
can do the same thing.

Carol, it's not
going to happen, all right?
Trust me.

Oh, I don't know.

What do you think,
Frank?

Well, honey...

I appreciate
your concerns,

but these are responsible
young people here, and...

they know how we feel
about drugs,

and my vote is that
we should let them go.

Well...

-Okay.
-[ALL CHEERING]

Rock Festival 97,
here we come!

-We got a little time
before dinner, right?
-Mm-hmm.

What say we pile
into the squad car
and go prowling for perps?

-All right!
-Can I ride shotgun?

-No, I got dibs on it.
-Nuh-uh.

DAVE:
If you guys are good,
I'll let you wear the handcuffs.

Well, Dave seems like
a very dedicated cop.

Mmm, a little too dedicated.

Sometimes I think
the only way

I can get his attention
is to dress up like a prowler

and break into
my own house.

Sounds like fun.
[LAUGHS]

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

Tonight, we celebrate
the three-month anniversary

of my coming
to Port Washington

with a fabulous French meal,

cooked by a fabulous
French man, moi.

I hope you can
come for dinner.
Jean-Luc is a wonderful chef.

Hello.
Do you like snails?

Of course you do.
Who doesn't?

I picked them myself.

And I named them.

There's--There's Speedy.

Slimy.

Bob Dole.

Wake up, Bob.

Jean-Luc, this is my
old high school friend,
Patti Roberts.

Enchante.

And, Patti,
this is my partner,
Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux.

-Rieupeyroux.
-Rieupeyroux.

Carol, Rieupeyroux.
It's pronounced just
the way it's spelled.

[SPELLING WITH THICK ACCENT]
Rieupeyroux.

Rieupeyroux.

It's too bad you don't
use all of my consonants.

[LAUGHS]

[SIGHS]
Carol, I had no idea you had
a friend that was so...

-Amusing.
-[BOTH LAUGH]

Well, I haven't
seen her in years. I fact,
I barely recognized her.

Oh! You know what?

-I should go get our old
high school yearbook.
-Oh, my.

-You wouldn't believe our
hair-dos at the senior prom.
-[LAUGHS]

[BOTH LAUGH]

Um, Jean-Luc,
I've been such
a big fan of yours

ever since you did
that fabulous makeover
on Katie Couric.

Well, if she had silky,
beautiful hair like yours,

I could have made her
into a media goddess.

Really?
You like my hair?

Well, yes.
Your hair is so...

so silky and, uh...

It's, uh, got such
gorgeous body.

I could, uh...

I could do things
with you hair

that would make your lover
tremble with desire.

Oh.
You Frenchmen.

-You have...such a way
of making a woman feel special.
-Hey.

It's, uh, it's a gift.
We cannot build a car
worth doodly-squat,

but, uh, when it comes
to women, we...

-We are the ultimate
driving machine.
-[LAUGHS]

You are so much funnier
than my husband.

-Your husband?
-Mmm.

-You have a husband?
-Mmm.

Well, isn't that
a fascinating little piece
of information to gather.

After I've already
dazzled you with
my boyish-charm.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Excuse me.

No, I don't think so.

You know...
[CLEARS THROAT]

Maybe I shouldn't go
to Chicago with my husband.

I mean,
it's so much fun...

being here with you.

Ooh, you have
very strong shoulders.

I like that.

-I think maybe you just
hold this for me?
-Where are you going?

Well, uh, I think
one of my snails
made a break for it,

so if I hurry up,
maybe I can catch up
with him.

-[CRUNCHING]
-Uh-oh.

Bye-bye, Bob.

[BAND PLAYING]

Well, I guess...this is it.

Oh, man. This is so lame.
We're like a mile and a half
away from the stage.

Yeah, I wanted to be
close enough so Lenny Kravitz
could sweat on me.

Here, Karen, tell you what.
Use the binoculars.

When Lenny comes on,
I'll toss a cup of water
in your face.

but Rich and I are gonna
go sneak backstage.

[SCOFFS]
Oh, really? How are you
gonna manage that?

We're gonna disguise
ourselves as roadies, man.
Check this out.

Yeah, bro!
Let's crank up the amp

and run some cable
over to that...
thing-a-majig.

Excellent.
Party on, dudes!

[IMITATING GUITARS]

Hey, Al.

-Hey, Will. I didn't know
you were going to be here.
-Yeah. Everybody's here.

-Hey, I'm Will.
-Oh, sorry.

Uh, these are my sisters,
Dana and Karen.

-This is Will Peters.
-Hey.

Hey.

So great concert
so far, huh?

Yeah. Yeah,
I came with my uncle.

He gave something that I think
will make it even better.

-What?
-Come on.

Come on.

This.

-Marijuana?
-Shh!

I don't think so.

Look, I never thought
I'd try it either,

but my uncle brought
a whole bunch of it,
and it's free.

No, thanks.
I'm not into it.

Hey, no problem.
But if you change
your mind,

the party starts
at my uncle's van
in about ten minutes.

Okay, um, cool.
I might join you.

Cool. See you.

Bye.

Al, are you serious?

You're thinking
about trying pot?

Yeah. Why not?

The president
of the United States
tried it.

Hey.

The President
did not inhale.

Yeah, right.

Well, I mean, second of all,

the pot today
is, like, ten times stronger
than it was back then.

Plus there are very serious
beauty issues at stake here.

Number one,
smoking pot takes the moisture
right out of your skin.

Number two, it can leave you
with premature crow's feet
from going like this.

Karen,
let me handle this.

You know, Dana, spare me
the--the "just say no" speech,
okay?

I'm not gonna lecture you.

It's not like you're
the only person I've ever known
who wanted to try pot.

I had this friend
in high school, Adam Wall.

Smart guy. Debate team.
Wanted to be a lawyer.

Of course, then he started
smoking pot all the time,
dropped out of school,

started dealing,
and got arrested.

I know how it's addictive,
it's illegal, it can lead
to harder drugs,

but I'm talking about
trying it one time.

And this is my life,
and if I want to do it,
I will. Okay?

Dave.

-[WHISTLES] Hey, look.
-[MUMBLING]

That's me.
In my cheerleading
uniform, huh?

Hey, Frank.
Could you give me
some of that runny cheese?

Now, for the
piece de resistance,
petite filet mignon.

The choicest fresh cut.

Jean-Luc,
you have been slaving
over this dinner all day.

Come.
Sit down next to me.

Is that okay with you,
Dave?

Yeah. Come on.
Have a seat.

Okay.
I accept your friendly,

completely non-romantic
invitation.

-[LAUGHS] Jean-Luc,
you're so funny.
-[SCREAMS]

I think it's time
for a toast.

Everybody, let's drink
to fraternity, equality,
and fidelity.

Everybody clink.
Clink, clink, clink.

[SIGHS]
Okay.

-I'm gonna go check
the creme brulee.
-Mmm.

I think I'll help.

-[TAPPING]
-It's good meat.

[GROANS]

You know...

I just love desserts
that are hot--

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[SIGHS]

Well, I think I've
ruined my creme brulee.
So there's nothing for it.

I must go to the nearest
creme bruleestore.

There's no
creme bruleestore.

Well, of course there is.
Uh, It's new.

It's called
the International House
of Creme Brulee.

You know, the "IHOCB."

I'll just go with him.

-Jean-Luc, wait.
-Uh, Patti. Stop, okay?

This is not going to happen.
This is not going to happen.

The last thing
I would do is get involved
with a married woman.

Okay, the last thing
I would really do is put
a live lobster in my shorts,

but this is close.

Okay.
I know that I shouldn't be
flirting with you, but...

I don't feel
like I'm married.

I mean, my husband
doesn't even look at me.

It's like I'm invisible.

[SIGHS] Okay, look.
Come over here. Sit down.

Come on.
We'll talk about this.

-Come on. No, it's--
-No, no, no--

Let me ask you this...

you love your husband?

Yeah.
I mean, I know it's hard
to believe, but...

underneath
that knucklehead,

there's a sweet,
sensitive guy.

We used to go
for long walks, and...

he was happy
just to talk to me.

Well, why you don't
just, uh, tell him that you
really miss that guy?

You really wish
that guy would come back?

Yes, but I don't think
he's the kind of man

that is going
to respond to a hint.

I think you need
to sit him down

and look him in the eye
and say, "I love you.

"We have a problem.

I want you
to pay attention to me.
Then we have no problem."

Do you think
that would work?

Well, it's either that,
or smack him upside the head
with a two by four.

I really do
think it will work.

In fact, I give you
the Rieupeyroux guarantee--

eternal marital bliss,

or free haircuts
for the rest of your life.

-Either way, you're a winner.
-[SIGHS]

Okay.

-Okay, yeah.
-I-I-I--

-I'll give it a shot.
-Good.

-Okay.
-Good. That's good.

I'm going to go
in the other room
and get Dave.

Jean-Luc...

Thank you.

You're a really nice guy.

[CLICKS TONGUE]
Don't spread it around.
Women love a bad boy.

Dave?
Dave. Hi. Um...

You--you need to go
into the living room
and talk to Patti.

-I'm eating.
-Not anymore, steak boy.
Come on.

You see, there's a domestic
dispute in the living room,
and you're part of it.

[FORK DROPS]
Something wrong with Patti?

That's a big 10-4,
Robo Cop.

-What's going on?
-[SIGHS]

Carol, it's a long story.

But, basically,

Dave has not been paying
enough attention to Patti,

and--and she made a...

she made a pass at me.

Actually, that is the story.

Anyway, let's just eat.

I tell you, these mushrooms
are incredible, Jean-Luc.
What is your secret?

They're snails.

[MUSIC PLAYING,
CROWD CHEERING]

Hey, Will.

Welcome to the party,
man.

Come on in.

You can call me Buzz.

[COUGHS]
Hey, Buzz.

Woah!

My hand's on backwards.

It's okay. I fixed it.

Eh, it's okay. Now...

Rock Festival 72,

that was a total
kick-butt party.

Uh--uh,
Rock--Rock Festival 72?

Yeah.

Um, how old are you?

35.

No, wait...

51.

I don't know.
I kinda lost track.

That's how good this stuff is.
Help yourselves.

I smoked, like,
half of one joint...

and right now...

my feet
are totally paralyzed.

-Your feet are paralyzed?
-Totally.

This won't even hurt.
Watch.

[LAUGHS]
No wonder I didn't feel it.

It's not my foot. Man...

This stuff is really good.

Uh, you know what?
I...

don't wanna smoke pot.

-Me neither.
-Fine.

Do your own thing.

I'll just stay
here and...

fix my other hand.

Hey, Karen. Dana.

Hey, Al.

You have nothing
to worry about, Dana.
I didn't do it.

Like I said,
I'm not your mother.

I'm not gonna
check up on you.

She's clean.
[LAUGHS]

[THEME FROM PINK PANTHER]

Freeze! Police!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[PANTING]

[LAUGHS]

[PANTING]
One more time, huh?

Just one more time,
then you can go to bed.

Okay, uh, put this on.

You're weird.