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1
00:00:01,131 --> 00:00:02,089
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:07,398
Welcome to
Alice in Wonderland's
royal tea party.
3
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:09,313
Here's your cup of tea.
4
00:00:12,186 --> 00:00:13,404
Thank you.
5
00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,276
You may drink, fool.
6
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:21,760
Frank,
I need you to sign
something for school.
7
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:22,979
Oh, Mark, thank God.
8
00:00:24,285 --> 00:00:27,027
Uh, well, I mean,
I'm sorry, Your Majesty,
9
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,768
but I think the royal
tea party is over.
10
00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:32,858
That's okay.
I was bored with you anyway.
11
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,430
All right, Mark,
what do you got?
12
00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,258
Just need the old
John Hancock on this,
13
00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:42,738
and I'll be on my way.
14
00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:45,610
I'm, uh, kind of in a hurry.
Here you go.
15
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:48,265
If you don't mind,
I'd like to see
what I'm signing.
16
00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,050
What do I look like,
a fool?
17
00:00:57,144 --> 00:01:00,060
Uh, it's just your basic
permission slip
18
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,149
for a school function
gym type thing.
19
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,324
It's no biggie.
Just, uh, sign it.
20
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:04,499
Here. See?
21
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,805
Yeah, just wait.
Give me that.
22
00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:12,855
"Dear ticket guy
at Cinerama Five.
23
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,337
"I give permission
for Mark Foster
24
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:18,643
"to see the movie Showgirls.
25
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:24,910
"I'm aware that this movie
contains full-frontal nudity
26
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:29,132
"and explicit
sexual encounters.
27
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:33,180
"However, I feel that this
is an important film
for Mark to see."
28
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:39,099
How about I buy you
a beer too?
29
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:41,710
That'd be great.
30
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,453
Here. Drink, fool.
31
00:01:56,986 --> 00:02:00,381
You, uh,
you want some melon?
32
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,472
I sure do.
33
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:05,647
[CHUCKLES]
34
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,346
BOTH:
Mmm-hmm.
35
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:15,483
Dana, would you like
some French toast,
36
00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:16,919
or would you like me
to put it in Rich's mouth
37
00:02:17,006 --> 00:02:18,790
so he can feed you
like a baby bird?
38
00:02:21,706 --> 00:02:24,056
Dana, I have never seen you
like this before.
39
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,971
Yeah, well, I have
that effect on women.
40
00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,321
Spend a few weeks with me
41
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:29,105
and shave 30 points
off their IQ.
42
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,935
What can I say?
43
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:34,589
Sometimes it's nice
to swim in the shallow end
of the pool.
44
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,549
Morning. Gotta go.
See you later.
45
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:41,422
JT, where are you going
all dressed up like that?
46
00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:45,165
Uh, church.
47
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:49,908
I like to go mid-week.
48
00:02:50,909 --> 00:02:51,997
Less crowded.
49
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,305
-Bye.
- Freeze!
50
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:56,915
You're not going
until I say you can.
51
00:02:57,002 --> 00:03:01,268
Uh, I bet Rich knows
something about this.
52
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,399
Dana, find out.
53
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:09,928
Oh, he's dating
a 29-year-old woman.
54
00:03:10,015 --> 00:03:11,408
She's from France.
55
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,758
Rich, man, shut up.
56
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,847
Wow.
57
00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:17,719
It's like she
sucked the information
right out of his head.
58
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:23,159
A 29-year-old woman?
59
00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,900
I don't like
the sound of this.
60
00:03:25,857 --> 00:03:27,294
Mom's right, JT.
61
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,034
An older woman
could expose you to things
62
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,645
you're not
ready to handle.
63
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,777
God, I hope so.
64
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:34,518
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
65
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,172
Ah, Carol. Thank you.
66
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:38,479
Thank you for inviting me
to the breakfast.
67
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:40,916
Hello, little
"Melrose Place" people.
68
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,835
JT?
69
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:50,273
Ooh, la, la, you look
super-extra fantastic.
70
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,188
Ami,
with these clothes,
71
00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:54,669
you will attract more women
than Brad Pitt in a Speedo.
72
00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:58,325
Thanks a lot,
Jean-Luc.
73
00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,761
What did I say?
74
00:03:59,848 --> 00:04:02,111
JT gots himself
an older woman.
75
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:04,287
What would you say,
Jean-Luc,
76
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:06,333
if your
19-year-old step son
77
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:09,292
was dating a 29-year-old
French woman?
78
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:10,815
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT]
I would say, "You the man."
79
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:12,426
Yeah!
80
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:14,166
You hear that, Carol?
I'm the man.
81
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,820
Vive la France.Yeah!
82
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,305
Oh, what about
The Terminator?
83
00:04:22,392 --> 00:04:24,046
Seen it.
84
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:25,134
Grumpy Old Men?
85
00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,527
Lame.
86
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:27,832
Sleepless in Seattle.
87
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,965
That's a chick flick.
88
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,749
You know, this is all
your dad's fault.
89
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:33,838
I can't believe he wouldn't
let you see Showgirls.
90
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,362
Look who's talking.
91
00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:36,711
You still take
Flintstonevitamins.
92
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,365
Oh, shut up, man.
93
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,496
-No, you shut up.
-You wanna tell me to shut up?
94
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,150
-Oh, please...
-Guys. Guys.
95
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,021
Over here.
96
00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:44,196
Act natural.
97
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,902
I got something
you're gonna wanna see.
98
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:57,645
The Little Mermaid?
99
00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,560
Man, if we were gonna
go animated,
100
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,039
we should have
gotten Pocahontas.
101
00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,563
At least
she's got cleavage.
102
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,088
Check this out.
103
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:12,486
The Naughty Nurses? Whoa.
104
00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:14,792
It even says it
right here on the video.
105
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:18,535
"They make their patients
sick with passion."
106
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:21,016
Man, we can't rent
this kind of movie.
107
00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:23,453
We can if it's inside
the Little Mermaidbox
108
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:24,976
and nobody knows about it.
109
00:05:25,063 --> 00:05:26,151
But if we get caught,
110
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,676
our parents
will kill us.
111
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:31,896
Yeah, but we'll
sure die real happy.
112
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:36,118
You're right.
Let's do it.
113
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,249
Act natural.
114
00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:48,783
[WOMAN LAUGHING]
115
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:52,830
-[IN FRENCH ACCENT] Oh, JT.
-Oh, Michelle. Mmm.
116
00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,572
Oh, I'm so happy, JT.
117
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,792
And so lucky
to have found someone
118
00:05:57,879 --> 00:06:01,143
who is so smart
and so funny.
119
00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:03,667
And so handsome.
120
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,714
Okay, this is my stop.
121
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,587
-Hello.
-Hello.
122
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,284
[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
Hello.
123
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,982
I'm Dana.
124
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,071
Um, this book is called Smart Women, Foolish Choices.
125
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,246
Read it.
126
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:21,859
-Thanks, Barky.
-Any time.
127
00:06:21,946 --> 00:06:23,252
It's time
for her flea bath.
128
00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:26,168
So what
do you wanna do?
129
00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:27,735
You wanna
get something to eat?
130
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:29,389
Something to drink?
Or maybe you want to--
131
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:30,955
Whoa.
132
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,566
Mmm.
133
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:34,045
Make out with me
on my couch?
134
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:35,786
-[LAUGHS]
-Huh?
135
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:40,008
Oh, I had such
a wonderful time tonight, JT.
136
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:43,751
I just wish this night
could go on for ever and ever.
137
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,361
Well, I'd invite you
up to my room,
138
00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,015
but I'm not allowed
to have girls up there.
139
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:48,146
[CHUCKLES]
140
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:54,370
If only we could
be together all the time.
141
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,154
And spend the whole night
142
00:06:56,241 --> 00:06:59,114
with our arms
wrapped around each other.
143
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:01,246
Yeah, that would be great.
144
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,946
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
145
00:07:06,338 --> 00:07:07,601
God, I hope so.
146
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:11,561
-Then let's do it.
-Let's do it?
147
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:13,824
Let's get married.
148
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:16,348
Married?
149
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,438
Well, we've seen each other
practically every day
150
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,265
for the past three weeks.
151
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:22,442
We have everything in common.
152
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:26,141
We like the same movies,
the same music.
153
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,708
The same food.
154
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,666
[BOTH LAUGHING]
155
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,712
We're perfect
for each other.
156
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,890
Well, yeah, we really
are great together, you know?
157
00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:38,806
But marriage,
it's such a big decision.
158
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:40,547
It's a serious commitment.
159
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:43,114
It's not something
you just jump into.
160
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,251
How far is Vegas?
161
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,218
Come on, guys.
Hurry up.
162
00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:02,220
Going as fast
as we can.
163
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:03,700
We gotta block this door.
164
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:05,397
[GRUNTS]
165
00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:07,443
There.
166
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:09,053
Now no one can get in.
167
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,490
Okay, are we ready
to roll it?
168
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:11,969
Yeah, let's go.
169
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:17,322
Well, guys, we've
smoked cigars together,
170
00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:20,238
burned down my dad's
tool shed together,
171
00:08:20,325 --> 00:08:22,806
and tonight,
naked girls.
172
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,508
Gentlemen,
the nurse will see you now.
173
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,512
MAN: [ON TV] Welcome
to Morning Wood Hospital.
174
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,340
A hospital like no other.
175
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,560
MAN 2 [ON TV]:
Nurse Honeywell,
that uniform you're wearing
176
00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:39,562
is against hospital policy.
177
00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:41,346
You'll have
to take it off.
178
00:08:58,276 --> 00:09:01,062
Hey, guys.
What's going on?
179
00:09:01,149 --> 00:09:02,759
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
180
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,456
-Nothing. No. None.
-No, nothing. No, nothing.
181
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:08,112
Then, uh, what's the TV
doing here in the garage?
182
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,551
Uh, uh...
183
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:16,251
[STAMMERING]
We were just watching
The Little Mermaid.
184
00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:17,948
See? It says
right here on the box.
185
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:19,428
"The Little Mermaid.
186
00:09:19,515 --> 00:09:21,386
"Wholesome,
family entertainment."
187
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:22,605
Wholesome.
188
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,261
Let me see it.
189
00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:27,567
Come on. Come on.
Let me see it.
190
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:36,706
The Little Mermaid.
191
00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:39,491
The Naughty Nurses.
192
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,452
Some jerk
at the video store
193
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:46,107
must have put
the wrong tape in the box.
194
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:48,109
Don't they know that
we're impressionable?
195
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:49,806
I know I am. Ha!
196
00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:54,332
We better go down
to the video store
197
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:55,682
and return this
immediately.
198
00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,511
I'll tell you what, Roland.
199
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,296
I'll return the tape.
200
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,124
You and Max run on home
201
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,648
and tell your folks they can
expect a call from me.
202
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,432
Man, puberty is hell.
203
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:12,220
My dad's gonna ground me
until I'm 40.
204
00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:17,138
Well, Dad,
205
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:21,490
this must be
a real proud day for you.
206
00:10:21,577 --> 00:10:24,232
One son is getting
married to the first
girl who kissed him,
207
00:10:24,319 --> 00:10:26,626
and the other
is watching pornos
in the garage.
208
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,934
You know what I'm not
in the mood for right now, Al?
209
00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:33,633
-Me?
-Bingo.
210
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:37,071
[MOUTHING]
211
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,075
Mark.
212
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:42,163
[SIGHS WEARILY]
213
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,034
I know that you're curious
214
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:47,298
about women and sex
and things like that,
215
00:10:47,385 --> 00:10:50,127
but I don't think that
watching The Naughty Nurses
216
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:53,043
is the right way
to learn about 'em.
217
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,654
Could you, uh,
suggest another film, then?
218
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:55,698
Mark!
219
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:05,621
It's not something
that you can
learn about in a movie.
220
00:11:05,708 --> 00:11:07,667
It's personal,
and it's intimate.
221
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:10,757
It's about a loving,
caring relationship
between two people.
222
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,976
But I don't have
a relationship.
223
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:15,326
I can't even
get a date to the movies.
224
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:16,893
How am I supposed
to learn about this stuff?
225
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,374
You can ask me.
226
00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,377
Right now?
227
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:24,945
Sure. Sure, come on.
Sit down. Sit down.
228
00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:26,990
Just ask me any old thing
you want to.
229
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:30,341
-Just fire away.
-Okay.
230
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:33,170
Will, uh, I ever stop
thinking about naked women?
231
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:36,521
Nope.
232
00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:41,613
Next question.
233
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:47,707
Frank, JT
is 19 years old.
234
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,230
We can't let him
get married.
235
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:50,753
Carol, this whole
marriage thing
236
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,668
will be over as quickly
as it started.
237
00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,235
How do you know?
238
00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:56,933
Because we're talking
about JT here, honey,
239
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,893
and he's got
the attention span of a gnat.
240
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:02,460
Yeah, well, I'm thinking
a 29-year-old woman
241
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:04,071
might hold his interest.
242
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:05,986
I'll tell you what.
243
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:07,465
When they set
the wedding day,
then I'll be worried.
244
00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:09,511
Oh, yeah?
Well, what if
they get married
245
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:10,817
and she gets pregnant
and they have twins
246
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,949
and he has to quit school
247
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:14,559
'cause they don't have
any money, and he can't
get a good job,
248
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:15,996
and his whole life is ruined
249
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,649
and they end up living
in a box on the street?
250
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,173
Did you ever
think of that? Huh?
251
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:21,175
Uh, Carol,
that's kinda rough.
252
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,786
Oh. Sorry, Marge.
253
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:26,833
Hello. Hello.
254
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,269
Hello.
255
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:31,359
Hello. Hello.
256
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:32,621
And bonjour.
257
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,405
Yeah, bonjourmy butt.
258
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,059
Thanks to your encouragement,
259
00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:38,670
JT's gonna marry that
little French-fried tramp.
260
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,151
-My encouragement?
-Oh, like you don't know.
261
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,153
[IN FRENCH ACCENT]
"But, of course.
You the man."
262
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,241
Blah, blah.
263
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:48,028
Yeah, well, listen,
I tried to tell her
264
00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:49,769
that this whole thing
was gonna blow over,
265
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:51,292
but she just
won't listen to me.
266
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,903
Look, Carol, you know,
Frank is right.
267
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,513
There's nothing
to worry about.
268
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,254
Forget your troubles.
Come on.
269
00:12:57,341 --> 00:12:59,343
Get happy.
270
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:02,085
I mean, JT is probably
just saying he's
going to get married
271
00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:05,045
so he won't feel so guilty
about having mad, passionate--
272
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:06,873
Oh, that's it.
He's grounded.
273
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,049
Let's see him
try to have sex while
he's locked in his room!
274
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:10,877
-Carol, stop!
-What?
275
00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:13,096
I need my scalp.
276
00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:14,576
I'll tell you what, honey.
277
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,578
Why don't you and I
take a little walk,
278
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,188
and then
you can cool down
279
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:19,973
and someone else can
take care of Marge's hair.
280
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:23,106
-Oh, bless you, Frank.
-No problem, Marge.
281
00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:25,717
Uh, Laurie, will you finish
shampooing Marge's hair?
282
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,241
I've got a two o'clock.
283
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:29,678
And use my number-two
scalp soother
284
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:31,898
for wind damage,
sun damage,
285
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,813
and damage
from a crazy blonde.
286
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,689
Bonjour.
I am Jean-Luc.
287
00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:42,778
Oh, bonjour. Michelle.
288
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,998
-You're from France?
-Oui.
289
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:46,869
I'm from a little town
called Upie.
290
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,088
-No.
-Oui.
291
00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:50,046
My uncle Soopy
is from Upie.
292
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,569
So how long
have you been here?
293
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,180
Only six months.
294
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:55,225
But my visa's
about to expire.
295
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:56,966
Oh. Oh, well.
296
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,750
So you have to go.
297
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,231
No, not necessarily.
298
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,581
I have been very lucky
and found an American
299
00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:04,669
who wants to marry me.
300
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,715
Ah, tres bien.
301
00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:08,978
So wonderful
that you have found
the true love so quickly.
302
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,851
Well, I wouldn't exactly
call it true love,
303
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:15,898
but my fiancéis only 19,
and he thinks he loves me.
304
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:18,770
-He's 19?
-Oui.
305
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:23,384
And he has this corny
American name, JT.
306
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:25,081
Anyway,
I've convinced him
to marry me.
307
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:27,170
Now I just have to get him
to do it by Wednesday
308
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:28,868
before my visa expires.
309
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,174
Ah.
310
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:35,004
So you are basically
using this boy.
311
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:38,965
Oh, a man of the world.
I knew you would understand.
312
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,836
Ah, oui.
313
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:45,754
Have I mentioned that very,
very short is in this season?
314
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,718
Hello? Hello? JT?
315
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:58,288
Hey, Jean-Luc.
What's happening?
316
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,377
Did you hear the good news?
I'm getting married.
317
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:03,815
Yeah, well,
we gotta talk about that.
318
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,993
Uh, JT,
319
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,517
I have to
tell you something.
320
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:13,738
I have to tell you something,
so here I go.
321
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:16,959
JT, you ever
say to yourself,
322
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:18,874
"I'm 19 years old,
323
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,530
"not terribly bright,
324
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:29,580
"I have no
marketable skills,
325
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:33,845
"and the closest I've ever
come to a sexual experience
326
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,674
"was when
my sister's guinea pig
crawled up my pant leg,
327
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:41,549
"so, why...
328
00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:44,508
"Why would a beautiful,
29-year-old French woman
329
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:45,770
want to marry me?"
330
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,035
Nope, I never
asked myself that question.
331
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:53,474
Well, the thing is, JT,
332
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:57,652
that, uh, your fiancée
came into the salon today,
333
00:15:57,739 --> 00:16:00,437
and, uh,
she said to me
334
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:05,442
she's, uh,
she's only marrying you
335
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:06,878
to stay in the country.
336
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:09,620
Get out of here.
337
00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:12,362
I'm so sorry,
but it is true.
338
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:13,842
Carol put you up to this,
didn't she?
339
00:16:13,929 --> 00:16:17,324
No. I'm telling you
because I'm your friend.
340
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:20,501
This woman,
she don't care about you.
341
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:22,590
She just need to get
married by Wednesday,
342
00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:23,983
otherwise, Uncle Sam
343
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:27,203
will drop-kick
her hiney back to Upie.
344
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:28,683
You don't know
what you're talking about.
345
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:30,598
Michelle loves me.
346
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,078
She said she wants to spend
the rest of her life with me.
347
00:16:32,165 --> 00:16:33,514
[DOORBELL RINGS]
348
00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:35,168
Look, if you and Carol
can't handle it,
349
00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:36,473
that's your problem.
350
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,561
Me and Michelle
are going to the movies.
351
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,520
You can just
let yourself out.
352
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,788
Married by Wednesday.
353
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,008
Somebody's been inhaling
too much hair spray.
354
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:52,924
-Hello.
-Hi.
355
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:54,839
Nice beret.
356
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,450
I'm having
a bad hair day.
357
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:59,192
So you ready to roll?
358
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:00,628
Uh, oui.
359
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:03,152
But first I want to talk
about the wedding.
360
00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,241
Oh, okay.
361
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:07,374
I think we should
set a date.
362
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,724
All right, well,
I hear that June's
a good time to get married.
363
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,421
June is nice,
364
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:14,555
but I was thinking of
something a little sooner.
365
00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,035
Really? Like when?
366
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,167
Like Tuesday.
367
00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:20,604
Tuesday?
That's not enough time.
368
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,171
We still gotta
make arrangements
369
00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:23,781
and send out invitations,
370
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:26,306
and I still gotta save up
money to buy you a ring.
371
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:29,178
Oh, okay.
372
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:30,571
Wednesday, but no later.
373
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,010
Why are you in such a rush?
374
00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:38,405
Because I am.
375
00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:40,885
And I thought
you would be excited
376
00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:43,236
about doing this too, huh?
377
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,890
So are we getting married
Wednesday, or not?
378
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,327
Bonjour,Michelle.
379
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,417
What are you doing here?
380
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:52,593
JT's mother
is my business partner.
381
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:01,384
Now I know why
you were in such a rush.
382
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,473
I'm sorry.
383
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:07,042
How could you
do this to me?
384
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:12,178
I know what I did
wasn't right, but,
385
00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:15,268
I guess I was just desperate
to stay in the country.
386
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:21,100
I think you should go.
387
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:28,368
Au revoir.
388
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:30,848
Au revoir.
389
00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:48,605
JT, I'm so sorry. So sorry.
390
00:18:48,692 --> 00:18:50,912
It's not your fault,
Jean-Luc.
391
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,131
Man, you were right.
392
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,394
I was such a jerk!
393
00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:56,352
It was ridiculous
for me to ever think
394
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:58,963
that a beautiful woman would
ever wanna go out with me.
395
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:01,357
That is such a pile
of chardonnay.
396
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:05,579
Listen,
you may not be right
397
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:08,277
for a 29-year-old
whatever she is,
398
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:11,193
but, for someone
your own age, come on.
399
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,065
You're wonderful.
You're funny,
you're generous.
400
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,329
If it weren't
for this haircut,
401
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:17,634
you would
be good-looking.
402
00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,769
Is this your way
of cheering me up?
403
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,207
I know how you're feeling.
404
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:28,079
I've had my heart
broken too, okay?
405
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,951
The only way you're
going to feel better
406
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,866
is to get your mind
completely off her.
407
00:19:31,953 --> 00:19:33,694
Now, come on.
We go somewhere.
408
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,043
We go for a walk.
409
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,958
Maybe we go to TGI Fridays
410
00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:38,786
and pick up some
big-bosom secretaries.
411
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,615
Come on.
412
00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:44,095
No, thanks, Jean-Luc.
I'm not really in the mood
for that tonight.
413
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,839
Okay, maybe we just watch
some TV or a video.
414
00:19:48,926 --> 00:19:50,972
What have we got here?
The Little Mermaid.
415
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,930
Okay.
416
00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:54,976
This will put a smile
on your face
417
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,761
and a wiggle in your walk.
418
00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:00,068
MAN: [ON TV]
That should conclude
the examination.
419
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:01,896
You can get dressed now,
Nurse Honeywell.
420
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,724
WOMAN: [ON TV]
Right away, Doctor.
421
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:09,817
This is, uh,
The Little Mermaid?
422
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:15,344
I don't remember her tail
looking like that.
423
00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,446
Hey, Nick.
Here you go.
424
00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:32,753
Okay, returning
The Little Mermaid.
425
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:34,233
Yeah, well,
actually, it's...
426
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,278
Frank, Naughty Nurses?
427
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:40,413
Yeah, well, you see,
my kid snuck it out of here.
428
00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,806
-I'm just bringing it back.
-Uh-huh. Sure, Frank.
Sure. Sure.
429
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:47,289
Look, uh, you interested
in Naughty Nurses 2?
430
00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:49,857
No, I didn't rent this,
431
00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:51,554
so I'm not interested
in the other one.
432
00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:53,643
-Hi, Frank.
Returning a video?
-Uh, no.
433
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:54,949
Yeah. Yeah.
It's Naughty Nurses.
434
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,953
Frank, you rascal.
435
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,868
Marge, you don't understand.
436
00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,957
Oh, yes, I do.
437
00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:10,356
Hey, Ed, uh, bring out
Naughty Nurses 2for
Frank Lambert, will ya?
438
00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:11,705
No, no, no.
439
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:12,793
Oh, you'll love that,
Mr. Lambert.
440
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,403
It's in 3-D Hootervision.
441
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:18,320
No, no, no, no nurses,
no hooters.
442
00:21:18,407 --> 00:21:20,844
I'm just gonna
go home now, okay?
443
00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:22,716
Hootervision?
444
00:21:22,803 --> 00:21:24,239
Do you need
special glasses for it?
31308
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