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1
00:00:00,957 --> 00:00:03,481
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:03,568 --> 00:00:05,570
[BABY CRYING]
3
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:09,531
Lilly, be quiet for a moment,
please.
4
00:00:09,618 --> 00:00:12,012
Oh, Frank, she's been crying
over an hour now.
5
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,840
I'm afraid she's gonna wake
everybody up.
6
00:00:14,927 --> 00:00:17,191
Well, maybe some scotch
would help.
7
00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:21,717
You can't give a baby scotch.
8
00:00:21,804 --> 00:00:24,633
Oh, come on, Lilly,
please stop crying.
9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,983
Please, honey, be quiet
for daddy, huh?
10
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:29,116
Coochie-coo, honey,
coochie-coo.
11
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,378
[LILLY CRIES LOUDLY]
12
00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:34,860
Okay, we took a vote.
13
00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,733
Really, Mother,
stick something in her mouth.
14
00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,082
Hook her up to
the old milk machine.
15
00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:40,127
CAROL: Nah.
16
00:00:42,346 --> 00:00:44,609
I tried that.
Nothing works.
17
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,089
You know,
this reminds me
18
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:48,439
of the amazing crying baby
of Borneo.
19
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:51,486
Her cry was so piercing
that it could actually
be heard by pearl divers
20
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,314
fifty feet under the sea.
21
00:00:53,401 --> 00:00:54,576
How did they get her to stop?
22
00:00:54,663 --> 00:01:00,277
They didn't.
23
00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:01,626
[LILLY CONTINUES CRYING]
24
00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:07,284
Oh, man!
25
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:11,506
Sorry, Cody.
26
00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:16,206
I've tried everything.
27
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,600
Oh, why don't you let me
take a look under the hood?
28
00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:21,603
You know, I'm kind of
sympatico with babies.
29
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:24,823
Maybe I could have a little
pal up with the munchkin
and find out what's wrong.
30
00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:26,521
Well, all right.
31
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,610
-Here, go to Uncle Cody.
-[LILLY CRYING]
32
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,438
Come here!
33
00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:32,353
That's it.
[CONTINUES CRYING]
34
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,791
Tell your cousin Codeman
all your problems. [LAUGHS]
35
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,140
-[LILLY BURPS]
-CODY: Oh-psh.
36
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:39,229
Dude, that gives me gas too.
[LAUGHS]
37
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:41,927
[LILLY STOPS CRYING]
38
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:43,103
Dudesie.
39
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:45,409
She stopped.
40
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:47,846
God bless you, Cody.
41
00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:51,372
Gee, thanks, Cody.
42
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,200
Here, let me take her.
I'll put her in her crib.
43
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:54,592
-Okay.
-Okay.
44
00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:57,726
[LILLY RESUMES CRYING]
45
00:01:57,813 --> 00:01:58,944
Ooh.
46
00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:01,817
Oh, shoot.
47
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:04,646
Here. Why don't you
give her back,
48
00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:06,430
-All right, here.
-Okay, cool.
49
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:08,432
Oh.
50
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:10,086
[LILLY STOPS CRYING]
51
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:11,696
Ooh. [LAUGHS]
52
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,351
Looks like I got
the midol touch. [LAUGHS]
53
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:19,008
You know what, why don't
I spend the night with her
right here on the couch.
54
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:20,488
Oh, you don't have to
do that.
55
00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:25,449
Yeah, come on now, honey.
56
00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:27,799
And it's not good for you
either, you need your sleep.
57
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:29,192
Oh, I guess you're right.
58
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:32,935
Okay. Night, Lilly.
59
00:02:33,022 --> 00:02:36,025
All right, I'm just gonna
take a little snoozie
on the couch
60
00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:39,071
with the Codeman.
[LAUGHS] All right.
61
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,813
Got a little Pee-wee
slumber party, huh?
[LAUGHS]
62
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,032
I adjust.
63
00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:47,428
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
64
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:53,651
MAN:
♪ The dream got broken
65
00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:55,610
♪ Seemed like all was lost
66
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,394
♪ What would be the future?
67
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,091
♪ Could you pay the cost?
68
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,354
♪ You wonder
69
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,007
♪ Will there ever be
70
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:04,271
♪ A second time around?
71
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:07,056
WOMAN:
♪ Woah-a, woah-a
72
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:08,971
♪ When the tears are over
73
00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:10,973
♪ And the moment has come
74
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:14,759
♪ Say My Lord
I think I found someone
75
00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:16,761
♪ You know it will be better
76
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:18,415
♪ 'Cause you're
putting it together
77
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:21,201
♪ For the second time around
78
00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:30,166
ALL:
♪ Step by step day by day
79
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:33,082
WOMAN:
♪ Day by day
80
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:34,866
♪ A different hand to play
81
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,781
♪ The deeper we fall
82
00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:39,044
♪ The stronger we stay
83
00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:41,133
WOMAN:
♪ We'll make it better
84
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,092
MAN:
♪ Second time around ♪
85
00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:55,409
J.T.: Why don't you just
eat my shorts?
86
00:03:55,496 --> 00:04:01,371
DANA: Here is an idea, J.T.
87
00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,417
See, that's what I like
about you, Barkie.
88
00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:05,549
Even though you're ugly,
you got a really bad
personality.
89
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:10,075
Welcome to another
addition of Family Feud.
90
00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:14,776
So, what's the problem today?
91
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:18,867
So, the professor is forcing us
to do a project together.
92
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:22,174
Eight hours observing some place
called the Family Helpline.
93
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:25,177
Yeah, yeah. And now I have to
spend my Saturday nights with...
94
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:36,101
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm rubber
and you're glue.
95
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:37,929
What are you,
like a three years old?
96
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:39,191
I know you were
born in May.
97
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:43,544
Oh, God, grow a brain.
98
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:44,675
-J.T.: Make me.
-[DANA SIGHS]
99
00:04:44,762 --> 00:04:46,286
DANA: J.T., shut up!
100
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:47,852
-J.T.: Make me!
-DANA: Go away!
101
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:49,419
J.T.: Make me, make me,
make me!
102
00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:52,901
[LILLY CRYING]
103
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,294
CAROL: Come on, Lilly.
104
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,600
I did everything
the book said to do.
105
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,863
You're supposed to
stop crying now.
106
00:04:58,950 --> 00:05:01,562
Honey, why don't we call
Cody and let him try?
107
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:03,477
He seem to have
the magic touch last night.
108
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:06,131
No, I'm her mother,
I can get her to stop crying.
109
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,309
Oh, no, honey, I think
we're missing a golden
opportunity here, now.
110
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,702
If we let Cody
take Lilly then...
111
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:14,052
he can perform his
bedtime magic and...
112
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:15,793
then I can perform mine.
113
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:19,754
Frank, I can't think
about sex now.
114
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:21,190
I'm in mother mode.
115
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,279
[LILLY CONTINUES CRYING]
116
00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:25,063
None of us can
sleep, so...
117
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:26,935
I brought
the baby pacifier.
118
00:05:27,022 --> 00:05:29,981
Yeah. [LAUGHS]
Sad man patrol
reporting for duty, sir.
119
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,983
[LILLY CRYING LOUDLY]
120
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,725
It's okay, I think
Lilly is getting a little
quieter now.
121
00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:36,118
[LILLY CRIES]
122
00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,989
Mom, you're not
cutting it.
123
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:41,602
So, hand over the baby
and nobody gets hurt.
124
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,560
Oh, let Cody
give it a shot.
125
00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:45,170
Hon, it did work
last night.
126
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:47,216
I see. Everybody thinks
that all I have to do
127
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:49,305
is give Cody the baby
and she'll stop crying.
128
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:52,743
Well, all right.
I'll show you it is
not as easy as that.
129
00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,963
Yeah, it's not like
she's just hand
the baby over
130
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:56,399
and all of a sudden
she's gonna...
131
00:05:56,486 --> 00:05:57,661
[LILLY STOPS CRYING]
132
00:05:57,748 --> 00:05:58,967
stop.
133
00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,103
Oh, dude, it's not
your mom's fault.
134
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:11,153
It's probably like
a coincidence, you know.
135
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,155
-[CODY LAUGHS]
-CAROL: No, I would hate
have you do that.
136
00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:19,030
No, I don't mind.
It's kind of fun.
137
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,815
-CAROL: All right. Okay.
-FRANK: Here, come on , honey.
138
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,338
-CAROL: All right. Okay, okay.
-CODY: All right.
139
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,688
Okay, everybody try
and get some sleep.
140
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:28,039
Boy, Lilly, you're
driving your mother crazy!
141
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:35,220
[SIGHS]
142
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,875
Oh, come on now,
Carol.
143
00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:40,269
Don't feel bad.
144
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:42,793
Everything is gonna be fine.
145
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,841
Besides we're alone now.
[CHUCKLES]
146
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:50,018
You, uh, you thinkin'
what I'm thinkin'?
147
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:56,459
My baby hates me!
[CRYING]
148
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:01,943
No, no, no!
That wasn't what
I was thinking.
149
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:17,175
Hi! Is this
the Family Helpline?
150
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:19,439
No, it's the house of blues.
I'm B.B. King.
151
00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:23,617
You must be J.T.
and Dana.
152
00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:24,792
I'm Howard.
Come on in.
153
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:27,359
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
154
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,666
Hello!
155
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,843
Helpline!
What's your problem?
156
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:37,457
BOY: Uh, I'm just
really bummed?
157
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,502
My mom's always
on my case.
158
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,722
My basketball coach,
he doesn't like me.
159
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:43,767
And I just got a D
in algebra.
160
00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:45,116
Your life's tough.
161
00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:48,772
Here's what you do.
162
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,992
Quit basketball,
be nice to your mom,
163
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:52,689
crack a book
once in a while,
164
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,604
and stop feeling sorry
for yourself.
165
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,956
BOY: Okay.[LAUGHS]
Bye.
166
00:07:59,043 --> 00:08:00,001
Have a nice life.
167
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,918
Another crisis averted.
168
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:07,791
So, this is the kind of advice
people get when they call
the Family Helpline?
169
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,707
Look, this isn't exactly
rescue 911.
170
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,579
Most people just have
simple problems,
171
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:15,059
they just need someone
to talk to.
172
00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:17,714
Today, I had three,
"My mom doesn't understand me,"
173
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,803
just one, "My boss
won't give me a raise,"
174
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:22,937
and one kid took 14 showers
and he still thought he had
B.O.
175
00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:26,636
And I handled the mob,
balanced my check book,
176
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,638
and scored 50,000 points
on Game Boy.
177
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:31,162
You got Game Boy?
178
00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:32,468
Cool.
179
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:34,209
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
180
00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:37,125
Hello, helpline.
What's your problem?
181
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:39,954
WOMAN: My water just broke,
I think I'm having a baby.
182
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,999
Yeah, calm down.
Where's the father?
183
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:43,914
WOMAN: Howard,
you're the father!
184
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,483
Cathy? [STAMMERING]
That's my wife.
185
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:51,139
We're having a baby.
186
00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:54,229
You, J.T., You look like
you're smart. Well,
you're in-charge.
187
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,710
Whoa, wait a minute.
188
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,363
You can't go.
What if somebody calls?
189
00:08:58,450 --> 00:09:00,017
Just be sympathetic
like me.
190
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:03,630
What if there's something
serious?
191
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,501
The number's on that list
next to the phone.
192
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,158
Yes! Yes, 10,000 points.
[GAME BOY BEEPING]
193
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:13,596
Man, being a mental health
worker is a lot more fun
than I thought.
194
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:16,817
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
195
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:20,255
Oh, God. What're we gonna do?
We're not trained
to handle this?
196
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:22,257
Relax. I'll handle this.
197
00:09:22,344 --> 00:09:24,085
I'm the smart one, remember?
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
198
00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:27,392
Hello, helpline!
199
00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:28,916
[DIAL-TONE]
200
00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:31,092
Hello, helpline!
201
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,920
[DIAL-TONE]
202
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,924
Helpline, what's your problem?
203
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:42,277
WOMAN: Hi, my name's Cindy.
204
00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:44,584
Yeah, I'm here for you, Cindy.
Tell me what's on your mind.
205
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:48,065
CINDY: A couple of months ago, I started doing some modeling.
206
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:50,198
[GAME BOY BEEPING]
207
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:56,552
You're a model?
208
00:09:56,639 --> 00:10:03,994
See, my boyfriend's
the jealous type
209
00:10:04,081 --> 00:10:05,779
Oh, well, Cindy...
210
00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:12,046
It seems to me that
you're just in a lot of pain.
211
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:16,398
Cindy, uh,
what are you wearing
right now?
212
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:17,965
[DIAL-TONE]
213
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,926
Are you crazy?
This is a helpline
214
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:25,363
not the psychic
sex connection.
215
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:28,715
Hey, hey, hey, you help
your way, I'll help mine,
okay?
216
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:34,198
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I'll take care of this one.
217
00:10:34,285 --> 00:10:38,115
Don't you touch that,
you testosterone driven fool!
218
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:44,818
Hello. Welcome
to the Family Helpline.
219
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:48,386
We're here to listen
to your problems,
be sympathetic,
220
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:52,739
and help you through
all the most difficult times
of your life.
221
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:57,569
I got big family problems.
222
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,310
I don't see it ever
getting better.
223
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,965
I mean, I just don't
see a way out.
224
00:11:02,052 --> 00:11:04,141
I think I'm gonna drive
up to Lookout cliff.
225
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:06,666
Take the big plunge
and end it all.
226
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:10,931
[WHISPERS]
What do we do?
227
00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:15,065
Can we put you on hold
for just a minute?
228
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:21,550
What are you doing?
229
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,247
[PAGER BEEPING]
230
00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:24,596
What's that?
231
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:30,211
Oh, my God.
It's Howard's beeper.
232
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:34,215
DANA: Me?
233
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:45,182
"Alcohol, drugs,
pregnancy, zits."
234
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,445
Why is there nothing
in here on suicides?
235
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,752
I don't know.
I'm gonna go to the bookstore
and find something, okay?
236
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:51,232
J.T., no!
237
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:53,625
We can't keep this guy
on hold forever.
238
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,062
Then talk to him.
239
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:02,069
Hello.
Thanks for holding.
240
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:05,725
BOY: I said I'm gonna
drive off a cliff
and you put me on hold?
241
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:11,426
Okay, that was a mistake.
242
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:13,733
But we're back
and we're glad
that you're here.
243
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:18,172
What's your name?
244
00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:20,043
J.T.: [WHISPERS]
Don't give him your real name.
245
00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:25,222
[WHISPERS] Why not?
246
00:12:25,309 --> 00:12:27,181
Although that would have
pushed them over the edge
already.
247
00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:31,272
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
TODD: Hey!
248
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,404
Are you gonna tell me
your name or not?
249
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:34,928
My name's... Barkie.
250
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:40,629
TODD: Barkie?
251
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,371
It's a pet name.
252
00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:46,853
My partner's name
is Spud.
253
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:54,686
TODD: Oh, great.
254
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,038
Look, that's not the point here,
why don't you just tell us
what's bothering you?
255
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:04,740
My dad just got re-married
and he's practically ignoring
me now.
256
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,787
His new wife and kids
are moving into our house
tomorrow.
257
00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:10,485
Now I have a step-brother
and step-sister.
258
00:13:10,572 --> 00:13:14,489
Total morons.
You have no idea
what that's like.
259
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:16,926
-DANA: Oh, yes, we do.
-J.T.: Oh.
260
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,449
Tell me something.
261
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:20,103
When you look at your
new step-siblings,
262
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,845
do the words
"Trailer trash"
spring to mind?
263
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:29,286
TODD: It's just that all these strange people are gonna be moving into my house,
264
00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:32,594
using our stuff
and putting all their junk
in my closet.
265
00:13:32,681 --> 00:13:35,162
[LAUGHS]
You think that's bad, buddy?
266
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,381
Let's talk bathroom, okay?
267
00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:40,167
Try to get a little privacy
to read the sports page
268
00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:41,864
while some witch is banging
on the door saying,
269
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:44,432
"Are you done yet?
I have to put on my makeup."
270
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:47,739
Like makeup's gonna help.
You know what I mean?
271
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,612
Listen, greaseball,
we're supposed to be
helping this guy.
272
00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:55,573
Who are you calling
greaseball?
273
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:59,969
-Don't make fun of my hair.
-Okay.
274
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,666
You know, Dana,
you're a real pain
in the butt.
275
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,278
[LAUGHS]
Oh, that's witty.
276
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:05,888
-J.T.: Throw up!
-DANA: Please.
277
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:08,412
[DIAL-TONE]
278
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,026
Todd?
279
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:14,854
Todd?
280
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,464
Todd! Todd!
281
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:17,595
-DANA: Hello?
-J.T.: Todd!
282
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:18,683
Todd, we're here for you.
283
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:20,816
Todd!
284
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,168
What did the say?
285
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:27,388
Okay, Officer,
thank you, bye.
286
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,652
The police are up
at Lookout cliff.
287
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:35,004
Todd hasn't been there yet.
288
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:36,223
Good.
289
00:14:39,791 --> 00:14:42,620
We screwed up huge.
290
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:45,972
That kid was desperate
for somebody to talk to.
291
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:48,844
Yeah. We really blew it.
All we could do is
292
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,934
rag on each other
about our stuff.
293
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,676
You know, I remember what
it was like when you guys
moved into our house.
294
00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:58,245
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, me too.
295
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:01,248
When dad told me
we were moving in
with a bunch of strangers,
296
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:04,425
I felt... [SIGHS]
297
00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:07,341
really, really scared.
298
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,561
Yeah. Yeah, me too.
299
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:12,781
It probably would have been
easier if we had somebody
to talk to
300
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,739
who had been through
the same thing, you know.
301
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,833
Hi, is this
the Family Helpline?
302
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,880
Yeah, but don't expect
too much from us.
We stink.
303
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:28,492
Tell me about it.
I'm Todd.
304
00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:33,367
You must be Spud
and Barkie.
305
00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:37,849
Thank God you're okay.
306
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,157
But now that you're here,
we can... we can have a rational
dialog.
307
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:43,420
And we can deal with
all the issues that are
troubling you,
308
00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,292
and we can get to
the root of your depression,
309
00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:47,468
so you can become
a complete,
310
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:50,166
and fully functioning
human being once again.
[CHUCKLES]
311
00:15:57,043 --> 00:16:01,308
Anyway, we're really glad
that you came here to talk.
312
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:05,181
Okay, look, we know getting into
a step-family is really rough,
313
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:08,532
but trust me, it is not worth
driving off a cliff.
314
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:11,448
Well, I know that.
It's just that these
new people moving in,
315
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,624
everything's changing so fast.
316
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:17,237
And... nothing seems to make
sense anymore.
317
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:20,631
It takes time
to get used to the whole...
318
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:22,198
step-family thing.
319
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:25,332
But, it gets better,
I promise.
320
00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:27,769
Especially if you have
a sense of humor.
321
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:30,337
Exactly! If you're gonna be
part of the same family,
322
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:32,817
you gotta learn bust
each other's chops
once in a while.
323
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,950
I mean, look,
if I didn't like Dana,
324
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:38,127
you think I'd be able
to call her a butt-ugly
cow pie, huh?
325
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:46,135
And if I didn't like J.T.,
326
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:47,484
That was a good one.
327
00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:50,226
-DANA: Stop it.
-J.T.: No, really.
328
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:51,793
-DANA: No!
-J.T.: Really, that was great.
329
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,013
-J.T.: Gimme some skin on that.
-DANA: Oh, stop!
330
00:16:56,972 --> 00:17:00,628
You know, being in
a step-family is starting
to sound kind of cool.
331
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:03,631
You got any good slams
for a real dorky step-sister?
332
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,502
Oh-ho-ho, he is the king.
333
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,592
[LAUGHS] I got a million
of them.
334
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:10,768
All right, here is the key.
335
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,248
Dog names work
really well...
336
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,913
So, how're you
doing, honey?
337
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,089
[CRYING] Oh, fine!
338
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:33,313
Why should I be fine, Frank?
339
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,403
I bet her first word's
gonna be "Dudesie."
340
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:46,413
It's much more serious
than that, Frank,
I was reading this book.
341
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,415
There's a chapter that tells
about what's happening,
it's called
342
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,939
"The maternal hate syndrome."
343
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:53,246
They have over 50
documented cases
344
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:57,337
where babies naturally
hate their mothers.
345
00:17:57,424 --> 00:18:02,820
Carol, Lilly is a normal,
beautiful little girl
who loves you.
346
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,735
She's not gonna hate you
till she's a teenager.
347
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,911
-[CAROL SHOUTS] No!
-[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
348
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,349
And she's coming.
349
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:12,613
Hey, guys. Thought you might
want to say night-night
to little muffin
350
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,354
before we head down
to the couch.
351
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,791
Oh, honey,
just hold her
for a moment, okay?
352
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,575
[LAUGHS]
Okay, sure,
353
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:21,578
-[CODY LAUGHING]
-CAROL: Now, don't cry,
okay, Lilly.
354
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:24,625
-CAROL: Please. Oh!
-[LILLY CRYING]
355
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:31,153
[CRYING] Lilly!
356
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,853
Please stop crying!
357
00:18:37,681 --> 00:18:38,813
-CAROL: [ANGRILY] What?
-CODY: Uh...
358
00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:46,864
You know, I'm not
Dr. Obi-G-Y-N Kenobi,
dude, you know.
359
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:55,003
-CAROL: [SHOUTS] Tense?
-CODY: Yeah, just a little.
360
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:58,572
[CODY LAUGHS]
361
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:00,574
maybe babies can tell
how uptight you are.
362
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:03,620
And, dude, you gotta find
a way to relax around Lilly.
363
00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:07,189
Oh, Cody, how can I relax?
She's been crying,
364
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:09,322
I haven't slept for a week.
365
00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,672
Yeah, I hear you.
366
00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:14,501
You just got to
find a way to work
past all that, you know, like...
367
00:19:14,588 --> 00:19:17,373
Hey, no matter
how much her crying
just drives you crazy,
368
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,462
gnawing on your nerves
and everything.
369
00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:20,942
You gotta just pretend
you like it.
370
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:23,031
Kind of like
a Joey Lawrence concert.
[LAUGHS]
371
00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,559
I'll try anything.
372
00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:31,170
-CODY: Okay.
-CAROL: What do I do?
373
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:34,477
Okay, first thing, like,
just sit down, relax.
374
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:37,306
-It's a nice chair over here.
-Okay.
375
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:38,525
-CODY: Okay, cool.
-CAROL: Okay.
376
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:41,832
-Now, take a deep breath.
-Yeah.
377
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:44,139
-[INHALES DEEPLY]
-[CODY INHALES DEEPLY]
378
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:48,187
-And just get mellow.
-Okay.
379
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:50,885
-Mellow.
-Mellow.
380
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:52,887
[CAROL CONTINUES
INHALING DEEPLY]
381
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,715
Okay, Lilly.
382
00:19:54,802 --> 00:20:01,374
All right.
383
00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:02,766
-CAROL: Yes, yes.
-[LILLY STOPS CRYING]
384
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:07,031
See?
385
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:10,252
Your mommy will be here
all night here, yes.
386
00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:11,819
CAROL:
[WHISPERS] Yeah.
387
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:14,343
CODY: [WHISPERS]
You got it.
388
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,043
-CAROL: [WHISPERS] It worked.
-CODY: [LAUGHS] Yeah.
389
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:20,915
Thought it wouldn't?
390
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:22,743
-[MOUTHING] Thank you.
-Okay.
391
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:25,876
Goodnight, Carol.
Bye, Lilly. [LAUGHS]
392
00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:28,923
You guys.
[WHISPERS] Night-night,
Uncle Frank.
393
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,577
[CODY LAUGHS]
394
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:35,930
-Honey.
-Mm-hmm.
395
00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:37,366
-FRANK: [WHISPERS] You did it.
-CAROL: Mm-hmm.
396
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,327
She's quiet. Oh!
397
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:44,243
Oh, Carol,
I'm so proud of you.
398
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,332
CAROL: Mm.
399
00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:49,248
In fact, I'd like to
give you a little reward.
400
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:55,776
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
401
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,259
Okay, there, Lilly.
402
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:04,654
Now, you seem like
an honest kind of chick,
huh? [LAUGHS]
403
00:21:04,741 --> 00:21:06,439
You mind if I ask you
a couple of questions?
404
00:21:06,526 --> 00:21:08,267
[COOS]
405
00:21:11,835 --> 00:21:16,579
Is it just me
406
00:21:16,666 --> 00:21:18,625
[MUMBLING]
407
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:20,496
Totally. Yeah.
408
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:24,239
That Screech dude is starting
to get on my nerves too.
409
00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:26,720
Okay, number two, now.
410
00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:28,809
What is with that
President Clinton's
411
00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:31,290
funky running shorts, huh?
[LAUGHS]
412
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:33,161
I mean, his shorts
are like that big
413
00:21:33,248 --> 00:21:35,729
and his but's only about
that big up till here.
414
00:21:35,816 --> 00:21:37,034
[GIGGLES]
415
00:21:37,121 --> 00:21:38,514
[LAUGHS] Totally.
416
00:21:38,601 --> 00:21:41,387
Yeah. Oh, man,
I tell ya' what,
417
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,867
we got one mind or what?
[LAUGHS]
418
00:21:43,954 --> 00:21:45,391
[MUMBLES]
31061
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