All language subtitles for Spies.in.Disguise.2019.HI

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

(SHRIEKS)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

(CLOCK TICKING)

(BEEPING)

(WHIRRING)

(BEEPING RAPIDLY)

WENDY: Walter, have you seen
my tweezers?

(OBJECT CLATTERING)

(CLATTERS)

(SIGHS)

(TIMER BEEPING)

(BEEPING STOPS)

Um, sorry.
Did you need that mug?

(SIGHS) I needed that coffee.

So...

TOY: (ON SPEAKERS) Unitee.

What you making, bud?

A gadget for you

to wear on patrol.

Oh.

It's the perfect tool
to keep you safe.

This button
makes a really loud sound

to incapacitate your enemies.

(BEEPS)

(IMITATES SIREN WAILING)

(CHUCKLES)

Like that.

This one can wrap you
in an inflatable hug

so no one can hurt you.

A-ha.

And this one is for when
you're outnumbered.

You just hold out your hand
and say, "Stop!"

And boom!

Glitter cloud!

And the bad guys
will leave you alone.

Oh! Because glitter makes
people happy?

Because the refracted light

causes the
enterochromaffin cells

to release serotonin.

Yeah, glitter makes
people happy.

Let's try it out.

Remember how you told me

not to take apart
your cell phone?

(GASPS) Walter Beckett,
you took apart my...

Still wanna kill me?

No. Just the opposite.

Then it works!

I also wanna add
some kitten visuals

to trigger
the orbitofrontal cortex.

DISPATCHER: (ON RADIO)
11-A-25,

Code Six, 104 North.

Hon, I gotta go.

Time for my shift.

Be good for Gram, okay?

Uh, I'll come with you.

I can finish this on the way.

You won't even know I'm there.

(CHUCKLES)
What you need to do
is get ready for school.

Oh, Mom, school's boring.

And the kids think I'm weird.

Weird?

Hey, look at me.

What's wrong with weird?

The world needs weird.

Listen, I'm out there
keeping the neighborhood safe.

But one day, your ideas...

your gadgets...

are gonna keep the world safe.

And everybody will wish
they were as weird as you.

You think?

I know.

Now, give me
a non-inflatable hug.

Love you, partner.

I promise
I'll always have your back.

Team Weird?

Team Weird.

(PIGEON COOS)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(BLOWING)

(MAN SHUDDERS)

Man, it's cold!

Hey, fellas.

(GREETS IN JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH)
Special Agent Lance Sterling.

How you livin'?

(BOTH SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

Whoa, okay, okay.

Everybody good?

I'm just gonna take his gun

and I'm gonna toss it
to that snowman.

And while
you're both looking all confused,

trying to figure out
what's going on...

I'm just gonna knock you out.

BOTH: Huh?

(BOTH GROAN)

(PIGEON COOS)

(EXCREMENT SPLATTERS)

Ugh.

He didn't deserve that.

Rats with wings.

(ON SPEAKERS) I'm in position.

What is your situation?

Just getting a visual...

now.

JOYLESS: 10 o'clock.

LANCE: Katsu Kimura.

Everybody's favorite
arms dealer.

JOYLESS: There.
That briefcase is your objective.

Inside is the M9 Assassin.

The first semi-autonomous
attack drone,

powered by atmospheric energy.

Never shuts down,

never stops pursuing its target.

They stole it
from our covert weapons lab.

(COMPUTER BEEPING)

Uh, Director Jenkins,

he's got incoming.

Detecting 70 extra hostiles
around the perimeter.

(SIGHS) I don't want
another mess like Kyrgyzstan.

Lance, listen to me.
You've got 70 yakuza incoming.

Stand down.

LANCE: (SCOFFS)
That's better odds
than I usually get.

No! Do not engage.

This time, you need to wait
for the backup team.

(SCOFFS) Team?

I fly solo.

Wait. Lance, listen to...

(STATIC FEEDBACK)

(CLEARS THROAT)
I think he cut off...

- I get it!
- Yeah, great,

That's right. Sorry.

(JOYLESS SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(LAUGHS)

(GROANS)

(THUDS)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING
CONTINUES)

(EXCLAIMS)

(YELLING)

(CHOKING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

LANCE: Huh.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

LANCE: Uh-oh.

Guess it's time
to introduce myself.

(BEEPING)

Huh? (YELLS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMING)

You know how you can tell

when you're the world's
greatest spy?

(GROANS FRUSTRATEDLY)
Sterling.

Lance Sterling.

Everyone knows the name.

I'mma need that case.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLING)

(GROANS)

(CHUCKLES)
Just 3 ounces of pressure
to the vagus nerve...

and then look at your boy.

Sleepy night-night.
(CHUCKLES)

Hey, you mind giving me a hand?

(SCOFFS)

Hey, come on.

What was it?
The hand joke?

(WHIRRING)

(LANCE GRUNTS)

(CHOKING)

You don't remember me, do you?

What can I say?
I meet a lot of bad guys.

I'm gonna show you pain
that you can't imagine.

(LANCE GRUNTS)

- (YELLS)
- (LANCE GASPS)

(ALL YELLING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(GRUNTS) I don't think
that subtitle was in my favor.

Okay. Oh, okay.

You wanna do it
the hard way?
Let's go, then.

Let's do it the hard way.

(ALL YELLING)

It's about to get messy.

(CAT MEOWING)

ALL: Aw.

What the...

(COOS)

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

(LANCE GASPS)

Ooh.

(SCREAMS)

(GROANING)

(BEEPING)

Hey, don't take
the loss so hard.

I mean, you did great.

And you got to meet
Lance Sterling.

(PIGEONS SQUAWKING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(ENGINE ROARING)

GERALDINE: Next. Okay,
put everything in the bin.

Yes, come through.

(COMPUTER CHIMES)

Oh! He's coming.

WOMAN: Wow.
Here he comes!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

Yes,

your eyes aren't deceiving you.

Yep, it's him.

Thank you, thank you.

MAN: Looking good,
Agent Sterling!

Hey, not looking
so bad yourself.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

Thank you.
Thank you.

Yeah, you know what?
Go ahead back to work.

Go ahead back to work.
It's too much.

It's probably the right amount.

(ALL LAUGH)

But still go back to work.

Still go back to work.

You're so crazy.
(CHUCKLING)

DAVE: What's up, Sterling?

Lucas!

DAVE: My name's Dave.

There you go.
Good to see you.

AGENTS: Morning, sir.

Fellas, give it to me.

Dude, did you see that?

Never wash that hand again.

I feel stronger.
Like, I legit feel stronger.

Can I hold it?

Yeah.

LANCE: Dude from Accounting.

Thanks for the win, Sterling.

Keep my money right.
Keep my money right.

Go ahead, man.
All right.

AGENT: Hey,
welcome back, Lance.

Thank you, thank you.

(CATS MEOWING)

Aw, he's the most
adorable agent ever!

(SIGHS) Somebody gonna get it.

(MACHINERY WHIRRING)

(PANTING)

(BEEPS RAPIDLY)

Oh! Agent Sterling.

Walter Beckett.

TECHNICIAN: (COUGHING) Weirdo.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING
ON SPEAKERS)

TOY: (ON SPEAKERS)
Unitee loves you.

WALTER: All right, Unitee.

(BEEPS)

Imagine...

a hydrothermal explosion is
about to melt your face off.

But what's this?

A gadget that
can surround you
in a pressurized pocket

of safety?

(BEEPS)

"Can it work?"
It hasn't yet, but maybe.

Here we go.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

Session number nine,
test 30... Oh!

Oh, hey, Terrance.

Tonight's the season finale
of Hearts in Seoul.

I sent you an e-vite.

I, uh... (STAMMERS)

You just click "accept"
in your...

Agent Sterling.

Uh... Hi, wow.
Uh, Walter Beckett.

Pleasure to meet...

Aw. (GASPS)

You used it.

You touched my stuff.

Okay, okay. Look, I know
it's non-traditional, but...

Feel me here, little man.

So, I'm out there...

and I'm saving the world,
doing big things.

That's what I do.

Mmm-hmm.

And the way I do it...

is to have my things

do the things
I expect my things to do.

Yep. Ow.

Like blow stuff up.

See, out there...

I gotta fight fire with fire.

Because if I try
to fight fire
with glitter...

I could get my face burned off.

But you didn't.

Because the kitty glitter
worked.

- Kitty litter?
- Glitter.

Kitty glitter.

It's scientifically proven
that watching kittens...

causes the
enterochromaffin cells

to release serotonin.

Glitter makes people happy.

(SIGHS) Know what works
even better?

A grenade.

It's kinda violent,
don't you think?

Can't save the world
with a hug, Wilson.

(CHUCKLES)
It's Walter.

And what if you could?

The inflatable hug.

(BEEPING)

Kind of a personal
protection device
I've been developing.

(SQUEAKING)

This is a vile
waste of taxpayer dollars.

(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)

(GRUNTING)

Look, I'm just saying
you can do more

by bringing people together...

than blowing them up.

And if I can convince you,

we can convince
the whole agency.

LANCE: There is no "we."

Uh, Agent Sterling.
Just...

Okay. Okay, okay.

Millennials.

WALTER: No, wait, wait, wait.
Please don't close that door.

Not interested.

(BEEPING)

Listen, you gotta hear me out.

Whatever it is, no.

(GROANS)

- (OBJECTS CLATTER)
- Phew. Look, I've been working

On this thing at home, right...

that is gonna change
spying forever.

Imagine...

if I could make you,
wait for it...

drumroll, please...

(DRAMATICALLY)
disappear.

Disappear?

Yeah.

(DRAMATICALLY)
Disappear.

Why are you saying it like that?

(DRAMATICALLY)
For effect.

I'm totally excited about it.

(DEVICE BEEPS)

It's called

bio-dynamic concealment.

(PEN WARBLING)

Boom. Mic drop.

Huh? Conceal this?

(CHUCKLING)

WALTER: I mean, you wouldn't
need a bulletproof suit.

You wouldn't need
exploding cufflinks.

(WHIRRING)

You could blend in anywhere.

What if you were totally...

(LANCE EXCLAIMS)

(SLURRING) ...invisible?

(GASPS)

Wow. Dude.

That's a mess.

(SLURRING)
Don't worry yourself.

The effects,
they're only temporary.

All right, cool, cool.
I'm gonna get outta here.

Wait, wait, wait. (GRUNTS)

(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Look, you're
the world's greatest spy.

Nobody ever listens to my ideas

or gives me a chance...

but if you did...

together...

we could really
make a difference.

"Make a difference"?

(CHUCKLES)
Boy, I am the difference.

All I need from you
is when I want a grenade...

make me a grenade.

Can you do that?

There's a better way.

(SIGHS)

Wrong answer, Willy.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

You're fired.

What? Wait.

No, no, no.
Uh, please don't fire me!

AGENT: (SCOFFS) Weirdo.

Mission accomplished.

Oh, man, I'm telling you,
it was one of my best.

(JOYLESS CLEARS THROAT)

I was on fire.

Fighting, explosions,
tons of witty catchphrases.

JOYLESS: Lance?

I had to jump
through a helicopter.

(CHUCKLING)

Lance?

(BABBLING)

Right?

JOYLESS: Lance!

Hmm?

Please tell me

you have an explanation
for why this is empty.

MARCY: I know why.

Because he stole it.

JOYLESS AND LANCE: Excuse me?

Agent Marcy Kappel,
Internal Affairs.

Mind if my team sweeps the room?

Yes, I mind.

They call me Eyes.

Spectral analysis
and quantum
optical thermography.

Ears. Sound.

Okay.

Hey, y'all need to ease out
of my face right now.

Whoa! Hey.

Weapons deactivated.
Backing up.

Take Agent Sterling
into custody.

All right, enough!

We're talking about
my top agent here.

I trust this man.

The only thing we can trust
is the facts.

Eyes?

A surveillance camera in Tokyo

picked this up two hours
after your mission.

MAN: Stop right there.

(WHOOSHES)

(MAN SCREAMS)

Lance?

Joy.

His heart rate just spiked.

That's because it isn't me.

Vocal patterns
is all off the hook.

This has to be wrong.

This is wrong!
I didn't...

Look, there was a guy
with a robot hand.

He stole the Assassin,

and he scanned my face
to frame me.

That sounds plausible,

and not like something
you just made up.

Sounds a little Scooby-Doo, bro.

It isn't me!

Okay, so, just to be clear...

there's a man
with a robot hand
and Lance's face

who took the M9 Assassin.

We all feel good about that?

Okay, case closed.
Let's go home.

You know what?

There's a bad guy

who needs to be stopped.

(CLICKS)

Couldn't agree more.

Huh. You're good.

Lance, just cooperate.

Didn't see that coming, did you?

Did you see that coming?

(BEEPING)

He's running.
Why do they always run?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(EXHALES)

Off to save the world again?

Uh, yeah, you, too.
You, too.

'Sup, Sterling?

All good, all good.

(MAN GRUNTS)

Sorry.

Sterling!

(SIGHS)

Now.

AGENT: (ON RADIO)
Northwest corner.

Got him.

(GRUNTING)

(SIGHS)

Coming through, coming through.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

MARCY: Security!

Shut this place down!

Agent Sterling?

I would do what she says.

She is very unpleasant.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(ELEVATOR BELL CHIMES)

Agent Sterling!
What's happening, man?

I was just telling the guys
about the time you...

(SCREAMING ECHOES)

(SIREN BLARING)

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

All right, Sterling.

Think.

Think.

Somebody else knows
about Robot Hand.

(SIGHS) Who?

Kimura.

Find Kimura.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Tracking Katsu Kimura.

Wireless signal intercepted
in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico.

You shouldn't be calling me.

LANCE: Mexico.

I'm trying to lay low!

(SIRENS BLARING IN DISTANCE)

(GRUNTS)

I need to disappear.

(IMITATES WALTER)
Disappear.

Bingo.

Hope you got
your pants on, Wilbur.

TOY: (DISTORTED) Unitee.

(POWERS DOWN)

WALTER: (SIGHS)
I miss you, Mom.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

(COOS)

(WOMAN CRYING ON TV)

(SPEAKING KOREAN ON TV)

(BOTH SOBBING)

See, Lovey?

Some dreams do come true.

(DEVICE TRILLING)

Oh, um...

(GRUNTS) Okay.

(TRILLING CONTINUES)

(EXHALES)

Commencing bio-dynamic
concealment

test number 83, batch five.

(GASPS) Exothermic reaction.

That's an exothermic reaction.

Uh, Lovey, could I borrow
a feather, please?

(COOS)

Thank you.

Here's a little something
for you.

(COOS)

(EXHALES) If this works,

they'll have to
give me my job back.

No way. It worked.

It worked.

It worked! It worked!
It worked!

Lovey, it worked!
It worked!

I need to disappear.

(YELLS)

(GASPS)

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
What... How did you...

What are you doing in my...
(CLEARS THROAT)

(IN NORMAL VOICE) What's up?

Okay, listen.

That next-generation
concealment tech

you were
talking about earlier...

you wouldn't happen
to have it on hand,
would you?

Actually, I do happen
to have it in hand.

Show it to me.

Sure. Um...

Well, can I offer you a drink?

(GROANS)

I got water,

Soylent drinkable
meal replacement...

Mmm. Good.
We had a drink.

So, what are we
talking about here?

Light-bending camo suit?

(WHIMPERS)

Adaptive response silicon...
(GRUNTS DISGUSTEDLY)

(CLICKS TONGUE) Diet stuff
has a weird aftertaste.

What's the tech?

Um... Well,
you just drank it.

Drank what?

The tech.

Now it's gone. Yep.

(EXCLAIMS)

Why do you have
a pigeon in here?

Yeah, okay, that's just Lovey.
She's my roommate.

How am I gonna do this?

Um, that's weird.

This is bad.
No, it's not.

To have a pigeon in your house.

It's amazing.

It's science.
Here we go.

(BEEPING)

You just drank
an ingestible formula

that uses a CRISPR-Cas9
genetic editor...

to resequence your DNA
on a molecular level.

(BEEPS)

Science rocks.

Wow! Okay, here's
what I need you to do.

Pretend like
you're a normal person

talking to a much cooler
normal person.

(EXHALES)
In precisely 45 seconds,

you will transform into...

a pigeon.

I'm out.

Wait, wait, wait.

What you're about to experience

is the future of espionage.

(GROANS)

Okay.

You might be experiencing
some mild discomfort.

(YELLS)

Or severe.

I'll make a note of that.

(DEVICE BEEPING)

This is because
I fired you, right?

(OBJECTS CLATTER)

(LANCE GROANING)

Okay, I'm gonna walk outta here.

Yeah, that might be hard.

Because you're in the middle
of chromothripsis.

Okay, might pass out.

Oh, you're definitely
gonna pass out.

Your genomes
are being smashed apart...

so they can be reassembled
with pigeon DNA.

(GRUNTS)
Muscle it down, Lance.

Muscle it down.

Oh! What did you do?
What did you do?

WALTER: Whoa.
You're entering Phase Two.

Epigenetic modulation.

(GROANS)

Think of each gene
as having a switch.

And one by one, your switches
are flipping to pigeon.

Human-pigeon, human-pigeon,
human-pigeon.

(ECHOING) Human-pigeon,
human-pigeon, human-pigeon.

(GROANS) Stop with the lights!

Wait, look at my hand!

What's happening
to my hand? (YELLS)

Baby hand.

(DISTORTED VOICE)
This is the final phase!

(MOANS)

This isn't so bad.
(CHUCKLES)

(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Your body is being
flooded with endorphins

to prepare you
for the immense physical pain

you're about to experience.

Wait. Say that again.

(SCREAMING)

You poisoned me!

"Poisoned"?

That's not even my department.

Squeeze the poison out.

(GAGS)

I wouldn't do that.

(DISTORTED VOICE)
Three seconds.

You're gonna be fine.
Trust me.

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Here we go.

(GROANING)

Hmm?

Ha!

What?

(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)

Whoa. That clock's fast.

(BEEPING)

WALTER: Lance?

Lance.

It worked.

Subject's vitals are stable.

Inserting rectal thermometer.
(GASPS)

It's okay, buddy.

Hey, it's okay.
Don't you worry.

Your good friend Walter is here.

(SCREAMING)

(GASPING)

Subject appears disoriented.

(CLATTERS)

Of course I'm disoriented.

You can talk?

(GRUNTS)

Lovey, he can talk!

It worked.

My eyes!

It worked.
Can you believe this?

LANCE: What did you do
to my eyes?

Hey, Lance, look at me.

What did...

(STAMMERS) Look at you?

I can't not look at you, Walter.

I can see my butt
and your face
at the same time!

That is so cool!

Fact, pigeons have
360-degree vision.

Now, nobody can sneak up
behind you.

Stop, girl.
Come on.

WALTER: This is so great.

Pigeons can be found
in every major city
around the world...

and no one notices them.

It's the most perfect form
a spy could take.

You better un-bird me right now.

That's it. I'm not playing
with you. Un-bird...

I'm raising my voice.

I probably shouldn't be
raising my voice at you.

I guess you could imagine

I'm a little stressed right now.

I need you
to un-bird me, Walter.

Mmm-hmm.
Of course.

I'll start working
on an antidote right now.

Start?

Well, the formula
was purely theoretical
until you...

You're gonna start?
You don't have an antidote?

(COOING)

Stop, girl, seriously.

Okay, okay.

So, you birded me,
and you can't un-bird me.

Technically, you kind of
birded yourself.

(CHUCKLING)
I'mma hurt this boy.

I'mma hurt this boy.

WALTER: No, no, look.

I know you're upset,
but everything's okay.

I called the Agency
and told them you're here.

You did what?

No, no, no, it's okay.

I didn't tell them
you're a bird.

Although I think they're gonna

figure that out
pretty quickly. (CHUCKLES)

(GROANS) I gotta ghost.

(GROANS)

Yeah, there may be
one or two downsides
to your new form.

Webster, open the door.

(CLICKS DOORKNOB)

Okay. Okay.

What... Why are you running
from the Agency?

Get off me!
I'm running...
(GROANS)

because there's a bad guy
out there with my face...

and now I have to try
to stop him

from hurting people
while being a bird.

And thank you for that.
Thank you very much for that.

You know what?
You're fired again.

Double fired!

Mmm, I don't think
that's a thing.

LANCE: Oh, it's a thing.
It's a thing now.

(SIGHS)

(GRUNTS FRUSTRATEDLY)

(SNIFFS) Okay.

It's a wingsuit.

How hard could it be?

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Time to fly.

Nope.

You broke into the Kremlin
using a napkin

and a piece of duct tape.

You should be able
to get into your own car!

(SQUEAKING)

(PANTING)

Yep, yep, yep. (GRUNTS)

(SQUEAKING)

Got it, got it,
got it... Ow!

Come on.

(PANTING)

(PANTING) Okay, hear me out.

Is somebody talking?
I don't hear anybody talking.

Especially somebody
that's been double fired...

working on a triple fire.

I'll come with you.

I can show you
all the advantages
of being a pigeon

and how it can make you
an even better spy.

And then you'll give me
my job back.

We both win.

All right,
let me think about that.

(INHALES SHARPLY) No.

(SIRENS BLARING IN DISTANCE)

Okay. Well,
I suppose you have
somebody else

who has a mobile lab...

who could turn you back
into a man.

(GROANS)

Get in the car.

You won't even know I'm here.

(SIRENS BLARING)

I'll just ride out here,
don't worry.

WALTER: Oh, right. My bad.

(TIRES SCREECHES)

AGENT: Go, go, go!
Moving through.

I want that tree gone, now!

MARCY: (ON SPEAKERS)
Agent Sterling,

exit the premises now!

LANCE: What are you doing?
Get in the car!

(AGENTS SHOUTING)

WALTER: Holy...

LANCE: Wilfred! Let's move!

AGENT: Let's go, go, go!

Activate auto-drive.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Auto-drive engaged.

LANCE:
Sterling private jet hangar.

See that, Walter?

You can bird me...

but you can't stop me.

(TIRES SCREECHES)

He was behind us. (GROANS)

Buckle up. And get me

everything we can
on that Beckett kid.

EYES: You think
they're working together?

MARCY: Sterling works alone.
He's using him for something.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

You brought the lady bird?

She's my emotional
support animal.

You're gonna need
a life support animal

if that bird poop in my...

(SIRENS BLARING)

(SIGHS) We got company.

We've got units
blocking every street,

overpass, and exit
within a 5-mile radius.

Perfect.
Time for a cattle drive.

EARS: Saddle up!

(WALTER WHIMPERS)

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Evasive maneuvers activated.

(TIRES SCREECH)

(LANCE GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS) I don't have
time for this.

Activate weapons.

What?

Activating weapons.

LANCE: Relax.

I'm just gonna
take out her tires.

Uh, that's really bad.

(CHUCKLING) I dare you.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Deactivating weapons.

WALTER: No,
we're the good guys.

We can't shoot
the other good guys.

Yeah, you're right, Walter.

Let's just pull over
and talk it out.

Exactly. Can we?

Activate weapons.

Activating weapons.

WALTER: Deactivate weapons.

Deactivating weapons.

WALTER: How about something
non-lethal like oil slick?

Activate weapons.

WALTER: Deactivate weapons.

LANCE: Don't listen to Walter.
Activate weapons.

Oil slick.

Activate weapons.

Oil slick! Oil slick!
Oil slick!

This man trippin'.

Oil slick! Oil slick!
Oil slick!

AUTOMATED VOICE: Deactivate.

- System shut down. Goodbye.
- (SYSTEM POWERS DOWN)

LANCE: Oh, what did you do?

(YELPS)

(SCREAMING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

He's like a god of the asphalt.

We'll see about that.

LANCE: All right, all right.
I got this. I got this.

I got this. I got this.

We're gonna die! (WHIMPERS)

LANCE: Oh, no.

Watch out!

(LANCE SCREAMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

We should be
coming up on him
any second.

This ends now.

Is everyone in position?

AGENT: Affirmative.
In position.

Walter, get that computer
back online.

Systems coming back online.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Defensive applications online.

Oil slick?

Fine,

whatever! Just press it!

(BEEPS, WHIRRS)

LANCE: Wait!
We're driving backwards.

WALTER:
We're driving backwards.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEEPS)

(SYSTEM POWERS DOWN)

(DISTORTED) No!

(SCREAMING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

That was tight.

Yep. It's official.
I'm a fan.

Did anyone else
see a pigeon
in that car?

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Auto-drive engaged.

I can't help but feel
like some of this
is my fault.

Some? Joker,
this is all your fault.

Airstrip. Now.

WALTER: I'm sorry. Jeez.

Didn't mean to ruffle
your feathers.

LANCE: (SIGHS) I hate you.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Lovey, this is the opportunity
we've been waiting for.

There are so many gadgets
I wanna test in the field.

We got the binder bubbles,
collide-oscope,

hypno-stars,
blamethrower, snorepedo.

We've got the multi-pen.

We haven't even tried
the multi-pen in the...
(GASPS)

I'm gonna need a code name.

Bond. Hydrogen Bond.

(SLURPS)

LANCE: Oh, no,
where is it?

Wait! What is that?

(LIQUID POURING)

What is that?

(BEEPS)

(RUMBLING)

Oh! No, no.
Fly, fly, fly!

(GRUNTING)

(TOILET FLUSHING)

(LANCE SCREAMING)

(SPLUTTERS)

(SPLUTTERING)

Hey, everything go okay
in there?

I just found out that
number one and number two...

both come out of the same place.

So, no.
Things are not okay.

Yeah. It's called
a cloaca.

It sounds weird and gross,

but having a cloaca
just means...

Dude!

I know what it means.

Saw it in the mirror.

I know you're not
in a good place right now...

but there are benefits
to being a pigeon.

Okay, so read
what used to be my lips.

You're only here, because A,

I can't work a touchscreen
enough to eject you...

and B, you're supposed to be
working on something, correct?

Oh, the antidote.
Right. Sure.

Yeah, that's going to take
18 hours to render.

I'm stuck like this,
with this body, for 18...

Ooh, boy...

Whoo! Okay,
walk this one off.

(EXHALES)

You know, being a pigeon

is actually way cooler
than it seems.

And if you just embrace
your new form,

you'll see all the advantages.

Like, fact, did you know

that pigeons can see
in slow motion?

Because, fact, pigeons can fly

up to 92.7 miles
per hour.

(COOING)

And, fact, pigeons are

highly intelligent animals
who like to play games.

Oh, and, fact...

Fact! You should have kept
your seat belt on.

Whoo!

(LAUGHING)

Fact, pigeons can see
ultraviolet light...

which is a broad
spectrum of light

the human eye can't even see.

Fact, pigeons are
a flock animal,

which makes it easier
for them to...

(CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

LANCE: All right, Kimura,
I'm coming for you.

Lance Sterling is on the scene.

And Bond.
Hydrogen Bond.

Dude, you need medicine.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(JEERING)

(BOTH EXCLAIM)

Go, go, go!

Hey!

WOMAN: You just pushed me.

(LAUGHS)

All right,
y'all better squad up,
'cause here comes the...

Hey! Did you just
toe-poke me?

You're a pigeon.
You can walk right past them.

Oh. Huh.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Just a regular old bird.

(LANCE IMITATES CAWING)

Uh, that's not a pigeon sound.

Till you grow a cloaca,

I decide
what the bird sounds are.

(IMITATES SQUAWKING)

(CHUCKLES)
They're so stupid.

You see, it's like
you're invisible.

(CHUCKLES)
All right.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(GRUNTING)

(BEEPS)

Your room key, sir.

Bingo.

Okay, let's figure this out.
You and me. Let's go.

Let's brainstorm.
How we gonna find this nut?

Uh, you are gonna
sit down right here

on this very nice couch.

But I'm your wingman.

Ooh, you know who needs
a wingman? That couch.

Go sit your narrow behind down
and do some science stuff...

and I'mma go find Kimura.
Alone.

Oh, what is that heavenly smell?

(SNIFFS) Mmm.

Oh, no.

Do not do it, Lance.

(COOS) Oh...

Mmm. Lance!
Have some dignity.

Walter, what is happening?

It must be some sort of latent
avian instincts kicking in.

Why am I eating food
off of the ground?

Why does it taste amazing?

Ugh. No, I'm good.
Thank you.

(RETCHES)

Oh, wow.

My dude, seriously,
give me 10 feet.

Hey, no, human feet.
Back up.

Oh, no. (GROANS)
I wish I could unsee that.

This is huge.
They've made you
part of their flock.

I'm not trying to be
a part of nobody's flock.

Shoo! Back up, fanboy.

(COOS)

I don't care
that your name
is Jeff. Beat it.

You can understand them?

What? No, no!

Does Lovey really love me?

I'm not hearing bird-talk.

Am I her best friend?

(LANCE GRUNTS)

None of this is right!

Nice to meet you, Jeff.

LANCE: Stop talking to Jeff!

Ugh.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(PHONE RINGS)

(RECEPTIONIST
SPEAKING SPANISH)

All right, what alias
are you using, Kimura?

"Not Kimura."

Wow. That's clever.

I am way too good at this.

(GRUNTS)

(BELL DINGS)

Oh, come on.

Seriously, fellas.
Not now.

This is so humiliating.
(GRUNTING)

(BELL DINGS)

Hey, I'm not for the games.

You better not...
Mmm-mmm.

Stop it.

Stop it! Stop!

(BELL DINGING)

No!

Stop it!
What is wrong with you?

(BOTH SQUAWKING)

(RECEPTIONIST GASPS)

Oh.

(RECEPTIONIST GRUNTS)

(RECEPTIONIST
SPEAKING SPANISH)

(YELPS)

(SIGHS)

(SQUAWKING)

Well, would you look at that?
Being in a flock helped you.

Not my flock!

Lance...

Lance.

(SQUAWKS)

Wait, wait, wait. Uh...

You should not
go up there alone.

Maybe I have something else
that can help.

Walter, I do not need your help.

Never will.

Can you push "20"
for me, please?

WALTER: I thought
you didn't need any help.

I don't.

WALTER: Feels like helping.

Nope.

WALTER: Yeah, a little bit.

Didn't.

WALTER: Did!

Did not!

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

(BEEPS)

(DOOR OPENS)

(GRUNTS)

Who's there?

Talk while you still have lips.

LANCE: Shut it, Kimura.

(GASPS) Sterling.

Uh-uh. Eyes front,
hands up.

Ooh. Scratch that.
Pick up your towel.

One hand up.

What do you want?

Here's how this works.

I ask the questions, you answer.

What?

What?

I don't know how to answer that.

How did you get here?

KIMURA: Huh? How did I...

I'm not telling you anything.

(COOING)

Stop!
Get off of me.

You sold the Assassin
to a guy with a robot hand.

Where is he?

KIMURA: He'll kill me
if I tell you that.

Oh, and you think
I won't? Talk!

(SIGHS)

(LANCE GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Oh!

(SCREAMS)

All right, Kimura,
3 ounces of pressure
to the vagus nerve.

Sleepy night-night!

(YELLS)

I miss my hands.

(GROANS)

(KIMURA GRUNTS)

Lance Sterling
is gonna die a pigeon...

and be buried in a shoebox.

(LAUGHING)

(GROANING)

Lance, are you okay?

Walter?

Sterling is here somewhere.
I want agents on every exit.

And everyone be careful.

This is Lance Sterling
we're dealing with.

Tell me where Robo Hand is.

Never.

Boy, I'm about to
pigeon-wing-slap...

(GIGGLING)

Oh. Oh, tough guy.
Okay.

Then we do it the hard way.

Walter, I need a funnel,

jumper cables,
and a Nickelback album.

Nickelback?

What?
But that would hurt him.

That's the whole point.

I know what to do.

(WHIMPERS) No, no, no.

Don't do that.

Ooh.

That's what
I'm talking about, Walter.

Go science on this fool!

Oh, yeah!

I'm gonna science
all over your face.

Please, don't!

Did you just
give that man
a refreshing spritz?

It's a truth serum, but yes,

it has a lavender quality to it.

Watch.

Kimura,
what's your biggest secret?

I peed in the pool.

BOTH: That's a lot of honesty.

LANCE: Who is Robo Hand?
And why is he wearing my face?

I don't know who he is.

Then what do you know?

Well, I know
how to play the flute.

About Robo Hand!

I know he's on his way
to Venice right now

to steal the Agent Database.

(GASPS) He's going to kill me.

Agent Database?

Database.

KIMURA: (MUFFLED)
Who says "database"?

Shut up.

He'll know the identities
of everyone at the Agency.

(CHUCKLES)
And once he does...

he'll use the Assassin
to eliminate all of them.

Not if I stop him first.

(LOVEY COOS)

(GRUNTS) She is relentless.

Block the door.
We need something heavy.

I'm heavy.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Are you pulling?

Of course I'm pulling!
Why aren't you pushing?

Just put your weight behind it.

I am putting my weight!
I'm feathers!

It's like a big bag
of pudding! (GROANS)

(SCREAMING)

Ugh. Yuck.

This is so embarrassing.

(BEEPS)

Come on, Walter.
Use your glutes.

(YELPS)

(MARCY SIGHS)

You're out of moves, Sterling.

You and Beckett
are wanted for treason.

LANCE: We gotta go. Now.

No. Don't leave me
like this.

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Ears?

Consider it done.

(WHIRRS)

(PANTING)

We gotta get to that balcony.
We're gonna have to parkour.

WALTER: What?

Cat pass! Tic-tac!
Jelly roll!

Desk lamp!
Flimflam! Bottle cap!

I don't know
what any of that means.

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

Hi.

What the... What happened
to you? (GAGS)

Oh, don't do that.
You're gonna make me...

(BOTH GAGGING)

Now or never, Walter.
Gotta go! Come on, Walter!

You can do this!

Okay, it's a physics problem,
Walter. Come on.

It's basic physics!

It's just basic physics.

(BEEPING)

You're right.

- We can do this.
- MARCY: Beckett!

We can do this.

MARCY: Beckett, don't you...

WALTER: We're gonna do this!

We can do this!

(YELPS)

(BLEEP)

- (SCREAMS)
- LANCE: Use your gadgets!

Use your gadgets!

A-ha! Grappling hook!

Fly! Fly!
What am I doing wrong?

(WALTER GROANS)

SOLDIER: There he is!

(EXCLAIMS)

(WHIMPERS)

WALTER: Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

(MAN SCREAMS IN PAIN)

(LAUGHING)

Well, that's not good.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Oh!

LANCE: Walter, what else
you got on that pen?

(WHIMPERING)

No.

(CHUCKLES)

(ALL GROANING)

(WALTER SCREAMING)

Oh, hello, soft landing.

Oh! Whoa!

Walter!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

SOLDIER: Go, go, go!

LANCE: Oh, these guys
are the worst.

SOLDIER 1: There he is!

SOLDIER 2: Don't move!

(GASPS) The multi-pen!

LANCE: Yes! Great.
Shoot 'em!

Well, that is suboptimal.

That has a bit of
a suck factor to it.

Yeah, pillow.
Good call.

(CRACKLES)

(PEN BEEPING)

Lance, get down.

Get down!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Huh? (SCREAMS)

(BURPS)

WALTER: Serious string.

Like Silly String, but serious.

Oddly effective.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MAN GROANING)

Come on, let's ghost.

There's something
you don't see every day.

Wow. This is tripped out.

This is...
I don't know what this is.

This couldn't
have been Sterling.

No one's even hurt.

It might be that kid, Beckett.

But that doesn't make sense!

Beckett is just some nobody
in the gadget lab.

Well, according to his file,

that "nobody"
graduated MIT at 15...

and invented a way
to edit human genomes

in middle school.

Dude is Jeopardy! smart.

(SIGHS)

Well, so are we.

(SQUELCHES)

(SIGHS) I stepped in it.

I stepped in the goo.

Yeah, me, too.

These are my new kicks, man.

(BREATHING SHAKILY)

I hope this works.

I hope this works.
I hope this works.

Please, please, please.
(GASPS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(BEEPING)

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Weapons system online.

Agent Database
required for targeting.

It's done!

The entire facility
is running at full capacity.

Everything is exactly
how you wanted it.

But, please, the destruction
this is capable of...

(KILLIAN SIGHS)

Since when does your agency care

about the many, many,
many lives it destroys?

MAN: (GRUNTS) No!
Wait, wait, wait! No, no, no!

No, please, please!
Wait, wait, wait!

You said if I helped you,
you'd let me go.

Oh, yeah, I did.
Didn't I?

(SCREAMING)

I hear Venice is wonderful
this time of year.

LANCE: Aw, yeah.

Just wait till I get to Venice.

I'mma tear that fool
his own cloaca.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON VIDEO)

Walter!

Walter!

Huh? What?

You're still working
on that antidote, right?

Working on it?

In a couple minutes, it's done.

(LANCE SIGHS)

But do you know
what else is working?

If you say being a pigeon...

Being a pigeon!

(SCOFFS)

I'm really gonna
throw this boy in the ocean.

(WHOOSHES)

What? (EXCLAIMS)

Hey, how did y'all get here?

(CHUCKLES) Jeff and Crazy Eyes
aren't going to abandon you.

They're part of your flock.

LANCE: Come on. No.

Get your beak out my drink.

I have no idea
where that beak has been.

Back out. (GRUNTING)

No! Stop it!

WALTER: Okay, okay.

Here you go, guys.
Come on.

Have some of these.
They're gluten-free.

You're joking, right?

That one ate gum
stuck to a tissue.

(PEN BEEPING)

And a spy pen.

We should probably
do something about that.

(DEVICE BEEPING)

It's ready.

Finally.

(CLICKING)

(WHIRRING)

(DINGS)

May I?

(LOVEY COOS)

Not this time, Lovey.
Thank you.

Ow!

Joker.

Well, that's not good.

"Not good" as in it'll taste bad

but still turn me back
into a human?

Mmm, "not good" as in
it won't turn you

back into a human...

and if you drink it,
all your cells
will catch on fire.

Come on, man!

I'm sorry.
I'll figure it out.

Science is all trial and error.

This isn't a science lab.

If I don't stop this guy,
people will die!

You don't think
that I want to stop him, too?

Why do you think
I'm on this boat?

Do you have any idea

of how much motion sickness
medication I'm on right now?

I can hardly feel my legs!
(EXHALES)

But I'm here
because I believe...

together, we can find
a good way to stop the bad.

(SIGHS)

I know you do, man.

But it's a fantasy.

When the bad guys hit you,
you hit 'em back.

You hit 'em so hard
that they don't get back up.

You gotta fight fire with fire.

When we fight fire with fire,
we all get burned.

There's no good guys
or bad guys.

Just people.

And people are worth saving.

Isn't that our job?

Evil doesn't care
that you're nice.

I watch good people
be taken every day.

(LOVEY COOS)

(SIGHS)

But you wouldn't know
nothing about that.

You'd be surprised.

(COOING SOFTLY)

First time in Venice?

First time anywhere, really.

It's always been my dream

to come here
and feed the pigeons.

LANCE: You need help.

(WALTER CHUCKLES)

LANCE: Time to put
your game face on.

That's the Agency Data Vault.

WALTER: Data Vault.

(LANCE SIGHS)

If Robo Hand wants
a list of agents,

that's where he'll find it.

You remember the plan?

What plan?

You said,
"Stay out of the way
and let me kick some..."

Good. You remember it.

(WEAPONS POWERING UP)

MARCY: Long way
from home, Walter.

Kimura talked.

I know Sterling's here
in Venice. Where is he?

Stay cool.

Where's Sterling?

I can tell you where he's not.

Which is right here.

(COOING)

What? No,
we can't just kill her.

That's dark, Lovey.

Look, I know
you're not a criminal.

You're a bright kid.

You're inventing things that
nobody has ever thought of.

I know because my boot is
still stuck in one of 'em.

Sorry.

No, no. We're the ones
who owe you an apology.

You're trying to keep
the world safe...

just like your mother did.

I read your file.

I know she sacrificed her life
to save people.

I can help you, Walter.

I can get you your job back.

A new lab.
All the equipment you need.

Show them what you can do...

and no one will
ever call you weird again.

You just have
to give me Sterling.

No.

We should
all be working together.

(SIGHS)

Bad move, Beckett.

(EXPLOSION)

Sterling!

(ALARM BLARING)

(GASPS)

Stay here.

Let's go.

(GASPS)

EYES: It's the Assassin.

LANCE: Come on.

SOLDIER: Destroy the target!

MARCY: We can't let that thing
out of here.

SOLDIER 2: Open fire!

LANCE: It's got the database.

(GUNFIRE)

Oh, man.

SOLDIER 3: It's not working!

EARS: I'm on it.

(HUMMING)

EARS: This is not good!

MARCY: Take cover!

EARS: Now!

(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)

(PANTING)

LANCE: Let's go.

Beckett, don't you...

Don't worry.
We'll stop it.

Beckett!

I mean, I'll stop it,
because Lance
is definitely not here.

(GASPS)

We can't catch this thing
on foot.

Whoa, hey, hey,
what are you doing?

You're a pigeon, Lance.

You're one of the fastest
birds in the world.

No, put me down, Walter!

You need to fly!
I believe in you.

There's another way!

Boy, don't you throw me
off this roof!

He'll figure it out.

(SCREAMING)

Come on.
I'm gonna die.

(GASPING)

I'm flying.

I'm flying. (LAUGHS)

I'm flying...

Oh, you're flying me.

(COOING)

Thank you.
Good looking out.

Whoa! (GRUNTING)

Whoa. All right, guys.
Let's go!

We got an Assassin to catch.

Excuse me.
(GRUNTS) Sorry.

(PANTING)

That works, too.

This is official business!

Oh.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Okay. (EXCLAIMING)

(PANTING) Phew.

(YELLS)

This is official business!

We need to get that database.

Any ideas?

(COOING EXCITEDLY)

Oh! I like how you think.

Bullseye!

Got it.

(BEEPING)

Yeah, didn't think
he'd like that. (GROANS)

Good job.

Oh, that's right.
You all like games.

Let's play some Keep Away.

Go long.

(WHOOPS) Oh, no!

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS) Not so easy,
is it, Roomba?

Lovey, all you, girl!

Hit me. I'm open.

I got it! I got it!

Oh, no.

(SCREAMS)

(PANTING)

Oh, no, no, no!

This is about to suck!

(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)

No! (GRUNTING)

Come on, come on, come on!

(WHOOPING)

Catch of the century!

I've never caught anything
in my whole life!

(GRUNTING)

(GASPS)

(LANCE WHOOPING)

That was amazing.
We did it!

(LAUGHS) We're gonna talk about

you throwing me
off that roof, though.

Yeah, I really thought
that would work out better.

Nah, it's cool, it's cool.

We're gonna holler
about it in a minute.

You know, I'm gonna let you
have this moment.

Whoo! We're unstoppable...

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

(PANTING)

(GROANS)

KILLIAN: Uh-uh-uh.

That belongs to me.

Technically, it belongs to
the United States government.

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS) Lance! Lance!

Sterling?

What do you say, Lance?

Come out.
We'll have some good fun.

You're the hero, right?

The spy who saves the day...

destroying anybody
that stands in your way.

(GRUNTS)

Oh, I'd love to have some fun.

(COOING SOFTLY)

(LANCE GROANS)

Guess he's not coming.

No. (GRUNTS)

Ah, life's full
of disappointment.

(WHIRRING)

(WALTER WHIMPERS)

You don't have
to do it this way.

It won't make anything better.

No.

No!

(GRUNTING)

Walter!

(YELLS)

(LAUGHING)

(SIGHS)

Breadcrumbs?

They're gluten-free.

(PIGEONS COOING)

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

(STRAINING)

Lance, let's go.

MARCY:
Hold it right there!

(WEAPON POWERS UP)

Turn around nice and slow!

Hands where I can see them.

Both hands.

- Watch out!
- (ALL GRUNT)

Did anybody else
see that
Agent Sterling had...

A robot hand?

Yeah.

(SIRENS WAILING)

WALTER: Phew.
Totally crazy.

When he had his foot
on my head, I was like...
(SCREAMS)

And you were like, "No!"

And then, I was like,
"Breadcrumbs!"

(SIGHS) He still got away
with the database.

Or did he?

Or did he?

Or did he?

I feel like you want me to say,

"What are you
talking about?"

Oh, I'll tell you
what I'm talking about.

During the whole
bird-nado thing,

I put a tracker on him.

LANCE: Wait. That's him?

That's Robo Hand?

Yep.

Yes!

Yes! My man!

Oh, there is no way

I could have done this
without you, Walter.

What?

What?

What did you say?

I think I said...

You said you couldn't
have done it without me.

(GASPS)

All right.

Okay, we've reached
the time limit on this,
Walter.

All right, hey, hey,
will you stop?

(CHOKES)
You're squeezing too...

(POPS)

Oh! Whoa!

(COOING)

Walter, what happens
in the submarine

stays in the submarine.

You just laid an egg.

(GASPS)
You laid an egg!

(STAMMERS) It just kinda
slipped out, man.

You just laid an egg!

Lance, this is amazing.

Do you not realize
what this means?

You're a girl!

Oh! Excuse me?

Of course, of course.

That's why
I couldn't figure this out.

I used Lovey's DNA
in the serum.
(CHUCKLES)

And that helps us how?

Because now all I need to do

is change one variable
in the antidote...

and you'll be human again.

I'm gonna be me.

Unless, you know,

maybe you wanna stay
a pigeon a little longer.

Right.

Of course.

One antidote coming right up.

Director Jenkins,
we lost the database.

Every Agency employee
is compromised.

You need to pull everyone in
for their own safety.

(SIGHS)

And you're sure it was Lance?

Yes.

Maybe?

Okay, I don't know what I saw.

But I still know for a fact

that Sterling came here
on this boat.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Sterling wasn't
on this boat.

Son of a...

Come on!
There's gotta be something.

A footprint, a candy wrapper,

some overpriced face lotion...

because there is no way

that his skin looks
that good without help.

Look, everything is
coming up blank.

If Sterling was on this boat...

he didn't leave a fingerprint,

his lips never touched
a glass...

and somehow he didn't have feet.

(SIGHS)

I think it's safe to say that

your investigation
isn't getting anywhere.

Huh.

(LOVEY COOS)

(SIGHS)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRACKLING)

WALTER: (ECHOING) Lance?

(LANCE GROANING)

Lance?

Oh... (GROANS)

Did it work?

Okay, take it easy.

(GROANS)

(GASPS)

I got my hands back.

Yes! Yes!

Oh, my pecs.

My pectoral muscles.
My abdominalia.

Oh, Walter, you are a...

I just...

I can do that
'cause I got lips now!

(LAUGHS)

I'm naked.

Little bit awkward.

Lucky for you, I planned ahead.

LANCE: Good call.

WALTER: There he is.

Lance Sterling.
Back in action.

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

AUTOMATED VOICE: You have
arrived at your destination.

All right, Robo Hand.

I'm coming for you.

Okay. Robo Hand
is a mile due west.

So, what's the plan, partner?

I got plenty of glitter,
yay-palm, a splat-a-pult...

LANCE: No.

No what?

I'm taking it from here, Walter.

You're kidding, right?

Look, lives are on the line.

I got this now.

You've got this?

But we're a team.
You said so yourself.

And you did your job.

You un-birded me.

Now it's time
to do things my way.

(SUIT WHIRRS)

End this fool.

That's wrong.

You're so wrong.

Look, I've got
everything that we...

This is not the place
for your weird gadgets.

Weird?

(SIGHS)

Go home.

No.

I'm not giving up. Ow.

(GRUNTS)

Lance... (GRUNTS)

LANCE: I can't lose
any more good people.

I fly solo.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Ow! (GROANS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

LANCE:
I think that's yours.

But that face
you've been using is mine.

It's over.

Database isn't gonna
do you any good

with your fancy toy
messed up like that.

(KILLIAN CHUCKLING)

You really thought
I was gonna use one drone...

to take out every name
on this list?

I mean, I did.

Until you asked
that question that way.

Casts a little doubt.

Tell me, Agent Sterling.

You managed to stop one drone.

How do you plan
on stopping 1,000?

(IMITATES GUNSHOT)

(GROANING)

Sleepy night-night.

(LANCE GROANING)

Huh?

(STRAINING)

(SIGHS)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

KILLIAN: Do you feel
that dread?

Oh, can you feel it?

Rolling around you like a fog.

I told you.
I don't even know you, man.

But I know you.

Think about it.

No?

I'll give you
a little bit of help.

(GROANS)

Kyrgyzstan.

Ah...

He remembers.

I mean, I certainly
never forgot that day.

You were magnificent.

You were a one-man army.

Lot of witty catchphrases...

and you had
all these fancy toys
that just went boom!

Boom.

Boom.

You were a bunch of bad dudes

about to hurt
a lot of innocent people.

And it's my job
to keep everyone safe.

Everyone? (SCOFFS)

I watched
every single one
of my people die...

as your agency's weapons
rained down on us.

You took everything from me.

And you know the rules.

You hit me hard, Sterling.

I hit back harder.

(GRUNTING)

All of this...

because of you.

(ALARM BEEPING)

He's coming back for me.

Walter, no.
No, no, no.

KILLIAN: Walter.

No, no, no.
Okay.

Hey, this kid is harmless.

He doesn't have anything
to do with this, okay?

We can figure this out.

Look at me, look at me.

I'm sorry, all right?

There's another way!

Do you hear me?

Do not hurt this kid.

Oh, no.

Don't...
Don't do this.

Please.

No, no, no.

Don't do this!

No!

No!

KILLIAN: I'm taking
everything from you.

(SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING)

(WINGS FLUTTERING)

(PIGEON COOS)

(CONVERSING IN KOREAN)

Huh?

(IN ENGLISH)
Oh, right. Yeah.

(MUSIC STOPS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(EXHALES) Walter.

But I saw...

How did you...

Oh, you know,
one of my weird gadgets.

The inflatable hug.

Thought I lost you, man.

I'll always have
your back, Lance.

That's what it means
to be a team.

It's something I learned
a long time ago.

From your mom?

You're a good friend, Walter.

And, hey, (SIGHS)
I'm sorry for shooting you
in your neck.

I'm sorry for the cloaca.

(CLEARS THROAT)

So, what's your plan
to stop this guy?

Nope. Not my plan.

Time to do it your way.

My way?

Oh, yeah. We about
to Walter-ize this thing.

(CHUCKLES)
Well, in that case...

we're gonna need a bigger flock.

You're calling Marcy,
aren't you?

Yep.

Tell her I said hi.

(BURPS)

Let's get weird.

Boom.

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

KILLIAN: Nowhere to run
from this, Lance.

LANCE: Listen,
I'm sorry about
what happened in Kyrgyzstan.

But we are stuck in this
good guy-bad guy vortex.

We do not have
to do it like this.

Yeah, bit late for that.

LANCE: It's not.

We're both just people
who make mistakes.

We can work this out, man.

That's it.

(OVER RADIO) Almost there.
You're doing great.

I mean, come on.

We can break this cycle.

(BEEPS)

Got it. I'm connected.

Nobody else has to get hurt.

(SCOFFS) You should know
better than anyone.

Someone always gets hurt.

Not today-day.

(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)

You brought your own soundtrack?

We like to make an entrance.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Huh?

Oh.

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

Huh?

MARCY:
Would you look at that?

There's a man with a robot hand

wearing your face...

who took the M9 Assassin.

Guess I owe you an apology.

LANCE:
Okay. Go ahead.

No, that was it.
That was the apology.

Oh. I accept.

(GRUNTING)

But you gotta admit,
it was a little Scooby-Doo.

Oh, 100% Scooby-Doo.

I'm gonna make this hurt!

Okay, come on through.

You are safe here.
Come on.

(COMPUTER BEEPING)

Is that everyone?

Director, we've got
unknown incoming.

Approaching fast.

Oh, this is bad.

Lock this place down.

(CRACKLING)

(POWERING DOWN)

We're sitting ducks.

Walter hacked his hand.

We gotta buy him
some time to shut down
the drones.

Got it. What kind of
firepower we talking?

(BAG SQUEAKS)

Just go along with it.

Take your best shot.

(GRUNTS) This one sucks.

(GRUNTING)

WALTER: No, no, no,
that's binder bubbles.

Push the button on the back.

Button on the back,
button on the back!

Bubbles?

Oh, you gotta let me try that.

WALTER: That's
a collide-oscope.
Throw it.

(BEEPING)

(SCREAMS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Splat-a-pult.
Prism spray.
Hypno-stars.

Snorepedo. Scream Team.

Well, what have we got to lose?

(DEVICE WHIRRING)

11 o'clock.

12 o'clock.
Half past 2! 4:30!

WALTER: Security blanket.

(SOLDIER GASPS)

WALTER: It's upside down.

FEMALE HUGGER VOICE:
I'm a hugger.

SOLDIER: Whoa.

(GRUNTING)

(GASPS)

Nice shot.

(COOING)

Thank you?

Walter, gonna need
a reload, buddy.

WALTER:
Ask and you shall receive.

Are those pigeons
wearing tiny backpacks?

DEVICES: Yay!

Now, that's hot.
That's hot.

I call it Fifty Shades of Yay!

Oh, come on, now!

LANCE: You ready
to tap out yet?

(WHOOPING)

Gadget lab.

Get to the gadget lab!
Grab every weapon you can!

Stop! Get back!

Oh, no.

DEVICES: Yay!

FEMALE HUGGER VOICE:
I'm a hugger.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GROANS) Walter, my face
can't take much more of this.

You keep doing your thing
and I'll do mine.

Yeah, well, your thing
seems to be

a lot easier than my thing.

We have different skillsets.

That's what makes us
such a great team.

Dude.

(GRUNTING)

(ALL GRUNTING)

(SNEEZES)
Excuse me.

Ugh.

Whoo.
Why do I smell lavender?

We just got spritzed.

Uh-oh. Truth serum.

I have five cats,

each named after a member
of New Kids on the Block.

Oh, I love New Kids.

Jon, Joey, Jordan,
Donnie, and Danny.

I really wanna
hurt you right now.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

You.

What...
What are you doing?

I'm not telling you anything.

I'll tell you what he's doing.

He's gonna hack into your claw

and shut down your drones.

Wow, this stuff really works.

(GRUNTING)

(BEEPING)

No, no, no.

(GRUNTS)

No!

(SCREAMS, GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(YELPING)

Whoa!

I'm coming, Walter.

(LANCE YELLING)

(LANCE STRAINING)

Almost there.
Don't let go.
Please don't let go.

(STRAINING)

(SCREAMING)

Walter!

(PANTING)

Walter.

Come on, come on.

(ALL CLAMORING)

AGENT:
Somebody do something.

(CHUCKLES)

(GRUNTS)

If you shut 'em down now,
you'll kill us both.

And you're no killer.

No. I'm a hugger.

- (BEEPS)
- What?

(WALTER GRUNTS)

WENDY: One day, your gadgets
are gonna keep the world safe.

(BEEPS)

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(POWERING DOWN)

(ALL CHEERING)

(LAUGHS)

Yes!

Yes!

Never wash that hand again!

(WHIMPERING)

(LANCE EXCLAIMING)

I got you, Walter!

Lance? What are you...

(STRAINING)

WALTER: It's okay.

It's okay.

You can't do this alone.

I am not alone!

(COOING)

Lovey?

(LAUGHING IN RELIEF)

Come on, birds!

Fly!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(COUGHING)

(WEAKLY) Walter.

Walter.

(COUGHS)

(SIGHS AND CHUCKLES)

What does
internal bleeding
feel like?

This.
It feels like this.

Oh, come here.

No, no, no. No hugs.

You gonna make me

lay an egg or something
in front of Marcy.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(DISTANT SQUEAKING)

(DEVICE BEEPING)

Huh?

(SQUEAKING CONTINUES)

EYES: He saved him.

(GROANS)
I think I need a vet.

Once I can move again,
I'll turn you back
into a man.

MARCY: Sterling.

You're a bird?

Uh, hey, Marcy.

That's why I couldn't find you!

(LAUGHING)

Whoa, you're a bird.
That is messed up.

LANCE: It's weird, right?

This is amazing.

We did it.

We took down the drones,
beat the bad guy,

saved countless lives.

We are so gonna get
our jobs back!

So, triple fired.

Yeah, man, that's gotta
be some kind of record.

I really didn't see that coming.

Well, we did break
a bunch of laws,
and defied orders...

and, I mean, committed
a little bit of treason.

Oh, right, yeah, the treason.

Forgot about the treason.

Hey.
It doesn't matter, man.

Look around.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Your mother would be
so proud of you right now.

You kept all those people safe.

And you did it your way.

But you also did this.

(LAUGHS) Yeah.

I'll figure that out.
Sorry.

You know, this gluten-free stuff

is really starting
to grow on me.

(COOING)

So, what do we do now?

Oh, we could...

(WALTER YELPS)

(GASPS) Huh?

Marcy?

WALTER: (MUFFLED) Okay,
I can't see or hear...

but my other senses
are elevated, so you...
Ow!

Agent Sterling,
I apologize
for the theatrics.

No, you don't.

You should have
seen your face
when we grabbed you.

(CHUCKLES)
I didn't make a face.

No one's ever looked
more scared.

Are you two finished?

WALTER: We are gonna
be okay, Lance!

Use your baby hand
to pick the lock!

Can you please
take that off him?

Okay, and you can...
(CLEARS THROAT)

Oh, hey. Hey, guys.

(CLEARS THROAT)
Is this about the treason?

Joy, what is going on?

We realize
we were wrong about you.

You're the future
of this agency,

and we want you
to lead a new team.

A highly covert global...

LANCE: Let me stop you
right there.

I'm not leading nothing,

unless my man
Walter's on the team.

Um...

I think she's talking to Walter.

Oh. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, we...

Just put that down.

Sometimes, he talks for me,

I'll talk for him,
'cause we a team.

Me?

We need people like you.

People who can
help the Agency
do things a new way.

What do you say?

Looks like we gonna
need some glitter.

Team Weird?

LANCE: (CHUCKLES)
Team Weird.

(GRUNTING)

AUTOMATED VOICE:
(ON SPEAKERS)
Missile deactivated.

(PEOPLE CLAMORING
AND SHOUTING)

(BOTH WHOOPING)

(VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)