Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,021 --> 00:00:02,847
Some of the world's
top trauma specialists
2
00:00:02,871 --> 00:00:04,134
have proven that our brains
3
00:00:04,158 --> 00:00:06,368
may forget the traumas we survive...
4
00:00:06,392 --> 00:00:09,353
but our bodies,
especially our nervous systems,
5
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,762
always keep score.
6
00:00:10,787 --> 00:00:12,328
BP's dropping.
7
00:00:12,352 --> 00:00:13,964
Can you mobilize the liver better?
8
00:00:13,988 --> 00:00:15,807
It's the IVC. Clamp.
9
00:00:15,831 --> 00:00:17,999
What?
10
00:00:18,023 --> 00:00:19,679
No, I need a clamp!
11
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:20,883
Maybe you should've thought of that
12
00:00:20,907 --> 00:00:23,204
before skipping out on community service.
13
00:00:23,228 --> 00:00:24,594
- We've got it.
- But I...
14
00:00:24,618 --> 00:00:26,156
- Let's get two units of blood.
- I'm on it.
15
00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:27,587
We need distal and proximal control.
16
00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,536
- Clamp.
- Let's do total vascular exclusion.
17
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:30,597
Mom.
18
00:00:31,613 --> 00:00:33,837
I don't feel good.
19
00:00:35,734 --> 00:00:37,472
Me either, ZoZo.
20
00:00:41,380 --> 00:00:42,316
Memories are stored
21
00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:45,322
in our shoulders, spines,
stomach, or hands,
22
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,714
without us ever knowing.
23
00:00:46,738 --> 00:00:50,228
It was one of the worst
fires I've ever seen.
24
00:00:50,252 --> 00:00:51,875
Smoke was so thick...
25
00:00:51,899 --> 00:00:53,708
and the roof... it wouldn't hold...
26
00:00:53,732 --> 00:00:55,267
It was...
27
00:00:55,291 --> 00:00:56,304
Is that your way of telling me
28
00:00:56,328 --> 00:00:58,544
I'm taking Tuck to school today?
29
00:00:58,568 --> 00:00:59,732
Isn't he in college yet?
30
00:00:59,756 --> 00:01:00,878
Ben.
31
00:01:01,156 --> 00:01:04,737
Ben, I have to talk to
you about something.
32
00:01:04,761 --> 00:01:08,474
Go ahead. I'm just, uh,
you know, I'm measuring the bed.
33
00:01:08,498 --> 00:01:09,455
Okay.
34
00:01:09,479 --> 00:01:12,253
Uh... here I go.
35
00:01:12,577 --> 00:01:14,933
I... am...
36
00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:17,615
We...
37
00:01:17,639 --> 00:01:20,369
We... are...
38
00:01:20,393 --> 00:01:22,770
pregnant.
39
00:01:27,582 --> 00:01:29,737
We assume a painful
backache or a shaky hand
40
00:01:29,738 --> 00:01:32,163
is something harmless, random.
41
00:01:32,187 --> 00:01:34,011
But it could be more.
42
00:01:34,239 --> 00:01:35,397
Ellis, eat your cereal.
43
00:01:35,421 --> 00:01:36,861
Where's your orange vest?
44
00:01:36,885 --> 00:01:38,011
No orange vest today.
45
00:01:38,035 --> 00:01:39,874
The mean judge is making
Mommy go to court
46
00:01:39,898 --> 00:01:41,046
because she's missed so much work.
47
00:01:41,070 --> 00:01:44,421
So I cannot be late. Hey, Zola.
48
00:01:45,159 --> 00:01:46,666
Is your head still hurting you?
49
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,441
My eyes, too.
50
00:01:48,465 --> 00:01:49,876
Really?
51
00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:52,197
Oh. Okay, sweetie.
52
00:01:52,221 --> 00:01:53,629
It might be our bodies reminding us
53
00:01:53,653 --> 00:01:55,156
of what we've endured
54
00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:57,244
and warning us not
to let it happen again.
55
00:02:01,768 --> 00:02:03,574
Eyes on the road there, Doctor.
56
00:02:03,598 --> 00:02:05,493
Gemma. You're in awful early.
57
00:02:05,517 --> 00:02:07,369
I could say you're out awful late.
58
00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:10,809
No, all night surgery.
I cannot wait to crawl into bed.
59
00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:13,921
Oh, and to think I was
gonna get my paycheck
60
00:02:13,945 --> 00:02:15,999
and then take you to breakfast.
61
00:02:16,023 --> 00:02:17,258
Um, I should probably...
62
00:02:17,282 --> 00:02:19,538
Richard Webber, if the
second half of that sentence
63
00:02:19,562 --> 00:02:21,527
isn't "Grab a stack
of pancakes with you,"
64
00:02:21,528 --> 00:02:22,618
I don't want to hear it.
65
00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,158
I am hungry.
66
00:02:25,182 --> 00:02:28,250
Okay. Stay right here. Don't go anywhere.
67
00:02:31,831 --> 00:02:33,895
Okay, Mr. Wilkerson
is stable this morning,
68
00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:35,625
post-op day 1 from his ACDF,
69
00:02:35,649 --> 00:02:37,896
and you also have an aneurysm
coiling this afternoon.
70
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:38,844
And how are we getting your girlfriend
71
00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:39,957
to undo the mountain of damage
72
00:02:39,981 --> 00:02:41,270
she did with her article?
73
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:42,934
Well, you'll have to ask her.
74
00:02:43,035 --> 00:02:44,590
Oh, I see. You think
I put you on my service
75
00:02:44,614 --> 00:02:46,665
because of all the promise I see in you.
76
00:02:46,689 --> 00:02:47,917
I don't. But I do think
you could talk her
77
00:02:47,941 --> 00:02:49,318
into suing that website for libel.
78
00:02:49,342 --> 00:02:52,001
Maybe you could withhold
sex until she cracks?
79
00:02:52,025 --> 00:02:53,449
Yeah, that's not going to work.
80
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,364
What? What? The sex not good enough?
81
00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:57,010
Are you two on the rocks?
82
00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:58,333
Tom.
83
00:02:58,357 --> 00:03:00,363
- I need a CT for my daughter.
- What's wrong?
84
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,038
She's been vomiting
and she has a headache.
85
00:03:02,062 --> 00:03:03,102
Well, it sounds like the flu.
86
00:03:03,126 --> 00:03:05,752
She also has a VP shunt for spina bifida.
87
00:03:05,776 --> 00:03:07,744
So I need you to get her
in right away, please.
88
00:03:07,745 --> 00:03:08,787
- Okay.
- All right.
89
00:03:08,811 --> 00:03:10,841
Hey, Zola. Not feeling well?
90
00:03:11,561 --> 00:03:13,494
I read that hyperbaric
chambers were invented
91
00:03:13,518 --> 00:03:15,294
before oxygen was even discovered.
92
00:03:15,318 --> 00:03:18,882
A British doctor in 1662
used organ bellows
93
00:03:18,906 --> 00:03:21,235
to hand-pump air into an enclosed space.
94
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,695
So cool, right?
95
00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:25,268
I mean, terrible that
our patient needs it.
96
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,660
But since she does... So cool.
97
00:03:27,118 --> 00:03:28,365
What do you need?
98
00:03:28,389 --> 00:03:30,827
Carly Davis, 46-year-old female,
99
00:03:30,828 --> 00:03:34,909
possible suicide attempt,
carbon monoxide poisoning.
100
00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:36,788
Hoping a 90-minute dive in the chamber
101
00:03:36,812 --> 00:03:39,606
can revive her,
although it might take longer.
102
00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:41,019
I know her.
103
00:03:43,561 --> 00:03:44,859
Karev!
104
00:03:44,883 --> 00:03:45,937
You in or out?
105
00:03:45,961 --> 00:03:47,225
In.
106
00:03:47,586 --> 00:03:49,185
All right, Schmitt,
that means you're out.
107
00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:50,312
But you said I could...
108
00:03:50,337 --> 00:03:51,692
Goodbye, Schmitt.
109
00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,949
Do you think it's a shunt revision,
110
00:04:03,974 --> 00:04:06,030
or is it just maybe the flu?
111
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,329
It's just my lawyer telling me
112
00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:14,035
that I'm supposed to be
in court in 10 minutes.
113
00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:15,149
Don't.
114
00:04:15,174 --> 00:04:16,395
I wasn't gonna say anything.
115
00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:18,216
How is she? Is her shunt obstructed?
116
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:19,413
Oh, goodie. It's a family affair.
117
00:04:19,438 --> 00:04:20,964
Anyone want to bring some snacks?
118
00:04:20,988 --> 00:04:22,951
Play a rousing game of UNO?
119
00:04:23,249 --> 00:04:25,374
Oh, and Simon says...
120
00:04:25,858 --> 00:04:27,331
enlarged ventricles.
121
00:04:27,356 --> 00:04:29,141
She'll need a shunt revision.
122
00:04:29,166 --> 00:04:30,286
This is very common with growth...
123
00:04:30,310 --> 00:04:31,633
I would do it laparoscopically...
124
00:04:31,658 --> 00:04:34,288
No, I'd do it laparoscopically,
because she's not my niece.
125
00:04:34,313 --> 00:04:35,516
She'll be in and out in an hour.
126
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:37,826
Book an OR, DeLukes.
127
00:04:40,733 --> 00:04:42,241
Look, it's a simple surgery, okay?
128
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,658
You need to go to court.
129
00:04:43,682 --> 00:04:44,920
I'll be with her the whole time.
130
00:04:44,944 --> 00:04:46,582
And I'll update you
every step of the way.
131
00:04:46,583 --> 00:04:48,543
- I promise.
- Are you kidding me right now?
132
00:04:48,567 --> 00:04:50,560
Got it. Okay. Yep.
You're not gonna go anywhere.
133
00:04:50,584 --> 00:04:51,995
- Okay.
- Book an OR, please.
134
00:04:52,019 --> 00:04:53,587
Yep, you got it.
135
00:04:57,337 --> 00:05:04,287
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
136
00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,865
I want you texting me from that gallery
137
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,909
every step of the way,
and don't let Koracick
138
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,336
or anyone else kick you out.
139
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,912
Texting you? As in,
your own phone number?
140
00:05:12,936 --> 00:05:15,451
Okay... um, I mean, absolutely, Dr. Grey.
141
00:05:15,475 --> 00:05:17,364
Uh, she's so smart
and tough. She'll be great.
142
00:05:17,388 --> 00:05:18,802
Why are you still talking?
143
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:22,115
Hey, it's just gonna
be a quick little nap,
144
00:05:22,139 --> 00:05:24,281
and when you wake up,
you're gonna feel so much better.
145
00:05:24,305 --> 00:05:26,354
I know, Mommy. I pay attention.
146
00:05:26,355 --> 00:05:27,828
I'm gonna be right here the whole time.
147
00:05:27,852 --> 00:05:29,894
And by "right here,"
she means in the waiting room
148
00:05:29,918 --> 00:05:32,524
with the other moms and
dads who don't work here.
149
00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:34,355
Are you scared?
150
00:05:36,132 --> 00:05:38,043
You are so brave.
151
00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:40,561
I love you.
152
00:05:40,586 --> 00:05:41,605
Love you, too.
153
00:05:41,630 --> 00:05:43,241
Hey. I've got her.
154
00:05:43,266 --> 00:05:45,540
Let's go.
155
00:05:50,301 --> 00:05:52,859
I can get someone to cover if
you want some company out there.
156
00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:54,739
No. You should be in there with her.
157
00:05:54,764 --> 00:05:55,839
Okay.
158
00:06:03,525 --> 00:06:05,542
You mean to tell me
you locked yourself in here
159
00:06:05,567 --> 00:06:07,364
with your therapist and you
didn't think that was against...
160
00:06:07,388 --> 00:06:09,173
oh, I don't know... all the rules?
161
00:06:09,198 --> 00:06:11,025
Technically she was
just one of my therapists
162
00:06:11,049 --> 00:06:12,557
when I was in residential treatment.
163
00:06:12,582 --> 00:06:13,879
How many did you have?
164
00:06:13,904 --> 00:06:14,972
Three.
165
00:06:14,997 --> 00:06:16,628
Different therapists,
different modalities.
166
00:06:16,652 --> 00:06:18,446
Kind of like when a trauma
comes in and we need to
167
00:06:18,470 --> 00:06:20,494
figure out how many
surgeons we need to send in
168
00:06:20,519 --> 00:06:21,687
from how many different angles.
169
00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:23,036
Except in your brain.
170
00:06:23,061 --> 00:06:24,284
Yeah, pretty much.
171
00:06:24,309 --> 00:06:25,510
Okay.
172
00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:30,547
Do you know anything
about her medical history?
173
00:06:30,572 --> 00:06:33,819
Anything to indicate
why she would do this?
174
00:06:33,844 --> 00:06:36,269
Uh... all I know is that
she's 13 years sober
175
00:06:36,294 --> 00:06:39,317
and has a serious addiction
to almonds and science fiction.
176
00:06:39,342 --> 00:06:41,197
But other than that, she seemed good.
177
00:06:41,222 --> 00:06:42,694
Happy.
178
00:06:42,719 --> 00:06:44,839
I just... I don't know
why she would do this.
179
00:06:50,002 --> 00:06:51,683
Dr. Karev, are you all right?
180
00:06:51,707 --> 00:06:53,575
Yeah, no, she would just...
she would just kill me
181
00:06:53,599 --> 00:06:55,928
because I've forgotten
everything she taught me
182
00:06:55,952 --> 00:06:58,189
about how to just, you know,
calm my nervous system.
183
00:06:58,213 --> 00:07:01,034
So if she woke up, she'd be
so pissed at me right now.
184
00:07:02,139 --> 00:07:03,323
So...
185
00:07:03,984 --> 00:07:06,604
I'm guessing the two of you were close.
186
00:07:06,629 --> 00:07:08,819
I couldn't stand her. She was the worst.
187
00:07:13,731 --> 00:07:17,837
Let me guess, you're pissed
I'm taking away your pool time.
188
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,293
I already had Michelle for therapy today,
189
00:07:21,318 --> 00:07:23,937
three hours of group,
and it's fruit punch day,
190
00:07:23,962 --> 00:07:25,320
which is the worst.
191
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:26,478
And now I'm... I'm what?
192
00:07:26,503 --> 00:07:28,114
I'm supposed to stare at a light bar
193
00:07:28,139 --> 00:07:30,472
and all my troubles are gonna disappear?
194
00:07:30,497 --> 00:07:31,851
Appendectomies...
195
00:07:32,776 --> 00:07:35,222
pig parts replacing aortic valves.
196
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,452
And if I read correctly,
197
00:07:37,477 --> 00:07:39,512
you put tiny little livers into mice
198
00:07:39,537 --> 00:07:41,629
'cause the one liver wasn't working?
199
00:07:41,954 --> 00:07:45,081
I'm just saying I wanna
know the first guy
200
00:07:45,106 --> 00:07:47,683
who said to somebody, "My brain hurts."
201
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,910
And the other guy was like,
"If I cut it open,
202
00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:51,304
I promise it'll feel better."
203
00:07:51,329 --> 00:07:53,181
And the first guy was like, "Cool."
204
00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:55,965
But, hey, science.
205
00:07:55,989 --> 00:07:59,132
I get it. EMDR is just another way
206
00:07:59,156 --> 00:08:01,115
to get at the root of my trauma.
207
00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:03,550
You spent your media
time looking up EMDR?
208
00:08:03,574 --> 00:08:05,649
Yep. I like to know
what I'm getting into.
209
00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:08,653
In that case, tell me what
it is in under 30 seconds,
210
00:08:08,677 --> 00:08:10,811
I'll let you get your swim on.
211
00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:11,993
Ready?
212
00:08:12,017 --> 00:08:13,524
- Mm-hmm.
- Go.
213
00:08:13,548 --> 00:08:15,745
Eye Movement Desensitization
and Reprocessing.
214
00:08:15,770 --> 00:08:17,624
The lights force bilateral
sensory output,
215
00:08:17,649 --> 00:08:19,352
allowing you to make
connections about your traumas
216
00:08:19,377 --> 00:08:21,071
and desensitize you to them.
217
00:08:21,096 --> 00:08:23,055
Aw, so close.
218
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,493
You forgot it helps to illuminate
219
00:08:25,518 --> 00:08:27,574
the capital "T" trauma in your life.
220
00:08:27,599 --> 00:08:30,381
I don't have any capital "T" trauma.
221
00:08:30,406 --> 00:08:33,039
I found out awful news
about how I was born,
222
00:08:33,064 --> 00:08:34,301
and my mother couldn't deal.
223
00:08:34,326 --> 00:08:36,242
I have been through way worse.
224
00:08:36,267 --> 00:08:37,795
You know, if you're
gonna eat in front of me,
225
00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:39,654
could you at least share?
226
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:40,941
No.
227
00:08:40,966 --> 00:08:42,105
Because?
228
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,702
Because boundaries. I don't share food.
229
00:08:47,933 --> 00:08:49,721
Okay.
230
00:08:50,512 --> 00:08:52,140
Deep breath.
231
00:08:52,925 --> 00:08:55,460
You've already established
your safe place with Michelle.
232
00:08:55,485 --> 00:08:57,513
An OR. Any OR.
233
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,984
If this becomes too much,
we can always go back there.
234
00:09:00,009 --> 00:09:01,086
Okay?
235
00:09:04,318 --> 00:09:05,729
What's happening for you right now?
236
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,255
What are you feeling?
237
00:09:10,103 --> 00:09:12,327
Shame. I feel shame.
238
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:15,982
I feel worthless that I'm not in an OR.
239
00:09:16,296 --> 00:09:18,126
Is there an image you have
in your mind growing up
240
00:09:18,151 --> 00:09:19,600
that gave you that message?
241
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:20,640
That you're worthless?
242
00:09:22,231 --> 00:09:24,851
I never spent long enough in foster homes
243
00:09:24,876 --> 00:09:27,025
to remember the wallpaper,
let alone the people.
244
00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:29,531
I had a husband who beat me,
but he's dead now, so...
245
00:09:29,556 --> 00:09:31,050
So no trauma.
246
00:09:32,657 --> 00:09:35,890
Any specific memories or moments
that play over and over?
247
00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:42,152
No, nothing. It's... I'm... It's nothing.
248
00:09:42,177 --> 00:09:43,405
It's stupid.
249
00:09:43,430 --> 00:09:45,001
Then there's no harm in telling me.
250
00:09:46,637 --> 00:09:49,326
I reached out my hand
to my mom at a crappy diner,
251
00:09:49,351 --> 00:09:50,532
and she pulled away.
252
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,463
She couldn't stand to touch me.
253
00:09:52,488 --> 00:09:54,887
But it's just... it's so small
compared to everything else,
254
00:09:54,912 --> 00:09:55,855
so I don't...
255
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,647
So let's start "small,"
see what happens next.
256
00:09:58,672 --> 00:09:59,749
Okay?
257
00:10:05,779 --> 00:10:07,020
I shouldn't be in here with her.
258
00:10:07,045 --> 00:10:09,800
I was doing fine.
I was back at work kicking ass.
259
00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:10,889
Everything with Alex is great.
260
00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,217
And then I just... I screw it all up
261
00:10:12,241 --> 00:10:13,988
by sticking myself in here,
and now I'm...
262
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,099
and now I'm back to square one.
263
00:10:17,712 --> 00:10:19,865
I need to get out of here.
I need to get out of here.
264
00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:21,188
Dr. Karev, you know we can't...
265
00:10:21,213 --> 00:10:22,617
I know, I know! But if the one person
266
00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:24,171
who could help me feel okay
could just go off one day
267
00:10:24,195 --> 00:10:24,985
and try and kill themselves,
268
00:10:25,009 --> 00:10:27,836
then what does that say about me? Huh?
269
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,483
Okay.
270
00:10:37,508 --> 00:10:39,060
Okay. Okay.
271
00:10:39,085 --> 00:10:41,635
Dr. Karev...
272
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:42,658
Raise the arm of the patient
273
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:45,285
and count down to
the 4th intercostal space.
274
00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:47,045
Prep and drape in sterile fashion.
275
00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:49,252
Then why are you listing the
steps for a chest tube insertion
276
00:10:49,277 --> 00:10:50,433
if it's not indicated?
277
00:10:50,458 --> 00:10:53,064
Inject with lidocaine,
make an incision above the rib.
278
00:10:53,089 --> 00:10:55,071
A Kelly clamp...
279
00:10:55,096 --> 00:10:57,056
- Jo, what's going on?
- This is supposed to help me.
280
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,242
She's the one who taught me this.
281
00:10:58,243 --> 00:11:00,377
Feet on the ground, list the
things you know by heart.
282
00:11:00,401 --> 00:11:01,935
It's supposed to trick
your nervous system
283
00:11:01,959 --> 00:11:03,235
into thinking that you're safe.
284
00:11:03,259 --> 00:11:04,777
But it's not working. It's not working.
285
00:11:04,801 --> 00:11:06,464
Okay, well, how can I
help you? What do you need?
286
00:11:06,488 --> 00:11:07,763
What I need... I need
to think of something else.
287
00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:09,000
I need to think of something else.
288
00:11:09,024 --> 00:11:10,028
I'm pregnant!
289
00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:15,086
100% p-r-e-g-o.
290
00:11:15,111 --> 00:11:17,020
With a live baby...
291
00:11:17,045 --> 00:11:17,899
inside.
292
00:11:17,924 --> 00:11:20,662
Ben's baby. Our baby. Super pregnant.
293
00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:24,847
Okay, yeah, that worked.
294
00:11:27,613 --> 00:11:31,016
Nurse Potter, 5411. Nurse Potter, 5411.
295
00:11:41,057 --> 00:11:42,980
Okay. Everything's good so far.
296
00:11:43,005 --> 00:11:44,882
Koracick just started the shunt revision.
297
00:11:46,854 --> 00:11:49,809
So, tell me what we're doing.
298
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,336
Am I walking you through the surgery
299
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:53,809
step by step in real time?
300
00:11:54,489 --> 00:11:59,098
Are we ignoring it altogether
and watching bad TV?
301
00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:03,399
We're sitting in silence,
thinking the worst about Zola.
302
00:12:03,424 --> 00:12:04,617
And about court.
303
00:12:04,642 --> 00:12:06,414
Yeah, I didn't give you that option.
304
00:12:08,237 --> 00:12:12,458
Derek did a beautiful job
with her shunt the first time.
305
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:15,312
All Koracick has to do
is go in and revise it.
306
00:12:15,337 --> 00:12:17,940
And as someone whose brain
he has poked around in before,
307
00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:19,639
I turned out great.
308
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,914
Tumor-wise.
309
00:12:22,939 --> 00:12:25,720
As for court, I know absolutely nothing
310
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,182
about the legal system whatsoever,
311
00:12:27,207 --> 00:12:28,648
so I'm guessing you are either fine
312
00:12:28,673 --> 00:12:30,900
or locked up for life?
313
00:12:32,154 --> 00:12:34,162
Very helpful, thank you.
314
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,533
I have a very specific set of skills.
315
00:12:35,558 --> 00:12:37,122
- Beyond that, I'm...
- How is she?
316
00:12:37,146 --> 00:12:39,409
Uh, they just got started on Zola.
317
00:12:39,434 --> 00:12:40,906
She is wallowing.
318
00:12:40,931 --> 00:12:43,065
Not wallowing, preparing for the worst.
319
00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:45,292
Okay, that's not an option.
Pick another thing.
320
00:12:45,317 --> 00:12:46,511
That's what I said.
321
00:12:46,536 --> 00:12:48,878
I appreciate the two
of you being here, I do,
322
00:12:48,903 --> 00:12:50,339
but I don't need the distraction.
323
00:12:50,364 --> 00:12:52,463
Yes, you do. I'll go first.
324
00:12:52,488 --> 00:12:55,178
I just finished a quadruple
valve replacement.
325
00:12:55,203 --> 00:12:57,860
Only two other people in
the U.S. have ever done that,
326
00:12:57,885 --> 00:13:02,279
and I felt more in love
and alive and seen
327
00:13:02,304 --> 00:13:03,506
while my hands were in that heart
328
00:13:03,531 --> 00:13:05,622
than I did the entire time
I was with Jackson.
329
00:13:05,647 --> 00:13:09,458
There was no endless talking
about feelings, or arguing.
330
00:13:09,483 --> 00:13:11,094
I-I made a plan, I came in there,
331
00:13:11,119 --> 00:13:12,721
and I did it, and the rush!
332
00:13:12,746 --> 00:13:16,048
I mean, clearly I'm still feeling it.
333
00:13:16,073 --> 00:13:18,519
Now you go.
334
00:13:18,544 --> 00:13:21,617
My daughter is in an OR,
and I am abandoning court,
335
00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:23,270
and I might go to jail.
336
00:13:25,006 --> 00:13:26,706
Have we lost her?
337
00:13:29,219 --> 00:13:32,243
And Andrew thought
I was still going to court.
338
00:13:32,268 --> 00:13:33,740
I think he's just worried that...
339
00:13:33,765 --> 00:13:35,565
No, wait, I'm not even done yet.
340
00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:39,358
First he thought that I would
abandon my child to go to court.
341
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:42,572
And then he offered to
skip the entire surgery
342
00:13:42,597 --> 00:13:45,622
so that he could hold his
crying girlfriend's hand?
343
00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:46,737
It's kind.
344
00:13:46,762 --> 00:13:48,790
No, it's incredibly stupid.
345
00:13:48,815 --> 00:13:51,164
Cristina and I would have
mocked him mercilessly
346
00:13:51,189 --> 00:13:53,845
for volunteering to skip
out on a shunt revision
347
00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:55,689
to be someone's human tissue!
348
00:13:55,714 --> 00:13:57,778
I rescheduled a spinal decompression.
349
00:13:57,803 --> 00:13:59,135
You're not a resident.
350
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,768
You're not volunteering
to skip surgeries.
351
00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:04,927
For the woman he loves.
352
00:14:04,952 --> 00:14:06,981
Oh, well... well, you know,
when you say it like that,
353
00:14:07,005 --> 00:14:08,477
you make me sound like an ass.
354
00:14:08,502 --> 00:14:09,997
- No.
- Not at all.
355
00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:13,861
He's kind. He's trying.
356
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:16,576
But he's not a parent,
and he does not get it.
357
00:14:16,601 --> 00:14:18,367
Okay, so let me get this straight.
358
00:14:18,392 --> 00:14:21,595
He was wrong to assume
that you would go to court,
359
00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:25,431
but also wrong to support
you while you wait for Zola.
360
00:14:25,456 --> 00:14:27,033
I already said I sound like an ass.
361
00:14:27,058 --> 00:14:28,217
But...
362
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,992
He's sexy, and he's fun,
363
00:14:30,017 --> 00:14:32,143
and he's so good to the kids.
364
00:14:32,168 --> 00:14:33,285
But...
365
00:14:33,310 --> 00:14:35,149
I don't know if he'll ever
be more than that.
366
00:14:35,619 --> 00:14:37,461
I don't know if I want him to be.
367
00:14:41,372 --> 00:14:44,746
Oh, they're tunneling
in the new shunt tubing.
368
00:14:47,450 --> 00:14:51,706
Okay, someone say something
that isn't about my stuff.
369
00:14:51,731 --> 00:14:52,834
Uh...
370
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:57,010
I... don't know Link's parents' names.
371
00:14:57,035 --> 00:15:01,152
I don't know his taste in
movies or his favorite song
372
00:15:01,177 --> 00:15:03,114
or if he actually likes
breakfast for dinner
373
00:15:03,139 --> 00:15:05,280
or just pretends to
because it's all I can make.
374
00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:09,759
And I am having a baby with him.
375
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,413
I am tied to him, no matter what,
376
00:15:12,438 --> 00:15:15,441
no matter how things go
between us for the rest of my life
377
00:15:15,466 --> 00:15:20,869
because we made
a decision to have a child.
378
00:15:20,894 --> 00:15:23,376
Together.
379
00:15:23,401 --> 00:15:26,242
And I will learn his
parents' names eventually.
380
00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:30,105
But, um... I don't know him.
381
00:15:30,605 --> 00:15:35,999
I'm just tying my life to his
"you jump, I jump" style,
382
00:15:36,024 --> 00:15:37,357
which sounds...
383
00:15:37,382 --> 00:15:39,306
Exactly like what you do.
384
00:15:40,968 --> 00:15:43,807
Okay, I sometimes leap and
hope the net will appear...
385
00:15:43,832 --> 00:15:45,273
Yeah, all the time.
386
00:15:45,298 --> 00:15:46,515
I had a brain tumor.
387
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:49,090
You also have a personality
apart from that tumor.
388
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,831
Which is a wonderful thing,
389
00:15:50,856 --> 00:15:53,706
and sometimes it is your Achilles' heel.
390
00:15:54,948 --> 00:15:57,211
We will love you and that baby
391
00:15:57,236 --> 00:15:59,021
no matter what happens with Link.
392
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:02,753
Okay, now it really feels
like it's taking too long.
393
00:16:02,778 --> 00:16:03,988
It's taking too long, right?
394
00:16:04,013 --> 00:16:06,211
They're probably confirming the...
395
00:16:06,236 --> 00:16:08,125
Confirming the shunt patency,
396
00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:10,110
which means they should be almost done.
397
00:16:10,754 --> 00:16:12,555
Okay.
398
00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:14,375
Andrew's a good guy.
399
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,663
We know.
400
00:16:15,688 --> 00:16:17,466
- I think I love him.
- We know.
401
00:16:17,467 --> 00:16:19,496
We're just at two different
places in our lives,
402
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,418
and I'm just waiting for my gut
to tell me one way or the other.
403
00:16:22,442 --> 00:16:24,295
My gut only says yes.
404
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,809
Ever. Or like 99% of the time.
405
00:16:26,834 --> 00:16:29,411
It just screams yes,
but maybe that's okay
406
00:16:29,436 --> 00:16:31,603
because I like the leap and having faith,
407
00:16:31,628 --> 00:16:34,130
and if I fall, I learn.
408
00:16:34,155 --> 00:16:37,063
I think surgery might be my truest love.
409
00:16:38,008 --> 00:16:39,887
And I don't think that's
ever gonna change.
410
00:16:39,912 --> 00:16:41,476
And I don't think it needs to.
411
00:16:43,511 --> 00:16:45,228
This is taking too long.
I'm going in there.
412
00:16:45,252 --> 00:16:46,106
- No.
- No, no.
413
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:48,174
I know that you want to, but you can't.
414
00:16:48,199 --> 00:16:50,818
If something were wrong,
they would've definitely...
415
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,503
My gut is telling me something is wrong.
416
00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:54,870
Have you seen my life?
The people that I've lost?
417
00:16:54,895 --> 00:16:57,654
Until someone comes in here
and tells me otherwise...
418
00:16:57,679 --> 00:16:59,602
Come here.
419
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,136
They should be closing
up any minute now,
420
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,501
and I am sure they went in
through a part in her hair
421
00:17:03,526 --> 00:17:04,998
so she won't even see a scar.
422
00:17:06,117 --> 00:17:08,326
Dr. Grey, she's out
of surgery and she's...
423
00:17:08,351 --> 00:17:10,185
She's perfect, I'm perfect.
424
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:11,857
You can see her when
she gets out of post-op.
425
00:17:11,881 --> 00:17:13,674
Thank you, Tom. Thank you.
426
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,776
Yeah. Yeah, a-and...
427
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,362
but not before that, all right?
428
00:17:16,387 --> 00:17:17,859
Okay. Thank you, Tom.
429
00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:20,283
Thank you.
430
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,964
Will you stay with her, please?
431
00:17:22,989 --> 00:17:24,165
- Of course.
- Okay.
432
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,072
Go.
433
00:17:28,919 --> 00:17:31,351
She's good!
434
00:17:36,809 --> 00:17:38,282
I am serious.
435
00:17:38,306 --> 00:17:41,648
He is a CPA that counts on his fingers,
436
00:17:41,672 --> 00:17:43,440
and he had the nerve to give me grief
437
00:17:43,464 --> 00:17:45,738
for leaving the office
15 minutes early...
438
00:17:45,739 --> 00:17:47,238
My work already done.
439
00:17:47,262 --> 00:17:48,808
I'd expect nothing less.
440
00:17:50,401 --> 00:17:52,377
He's an idiot.
441
00:17:52,401 --> 00:17:53,961
But it pays the bills.
442
00:17:54,478 --> 00:17:56,257
And for that, I have to thank you.
443
00:17:56,281 --> 00:17:57,753
I just told the truth.
444
00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,119
That I'm a pain in the ass,
but great with deadlines?
445
00:18:00,143 --> 00:18:01,476
I softened it a bit.
446
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:04,538
Well, I have a lot to thank
you for, not just that job.
447
00:18:04,562 --> 00:18:06,382
Well, you would've done the same for me.
448
00:18:06,406 --> 00:18:07,808
Damn straight.
449
00:18:07,832 --> 00:18:09,675
But if you had shown up on my doorstep
450
00:18:09,699 --> 00:18:11,182
with a heel in your heart,
451
00:18:11,206 --> 00:18:12,846
you would've been crap out of luck.
452
00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:18,859
So, um, how's the sponsor search going?
453
00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:21,899
It's slim pickings out there.
454
00:18:21,923 --> 00:18:25,572
Everyone at our meetings
is either angry old people
455
00:18:25,597 --> 00:18:30,234
or Millennials who wear spikes
of driftwood as earrings.
456
00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:32,013
I don't know, just maybe
try some other meetings.
457
00:18:32,037 --> 00:18:34,597
Oh, it's... It takes some
time to find the right one.
458
00:18:34,622 --> 00:18:36,990
Well, you know I've never
been one to settle down.
459
00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:38,031
Mm-hmm.
460
00:18:39,791 --> 00:18:42,619
Except for Ollie.
Ollie was the exception.
461
00:18:42,644 --> 00:18:44,569
Yes, she was.
462
00:18:44,594 --> 00:18:46,283
- But...
- Hmm?
463
00:18:46,308 --> 00:18:49,341
If I wanted to talk AA, I'd be in AA.
464
00:18:52,368 --> 00:18:54,189
- How about you?
- Hmm?
465
00:18:54,214 --> 00:18:55,868
Tell me about you.
466
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,776
Uh, well... well...
467
00:18:58,801 --> 00:19:00,275
I'm... I'm fine.
468
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,373
The hospital isn't up to snuff,
but, uh, it's getting there.
469
00:19:03,398 --> 00:19:06,404
Oh, please, we work at the same hospital.
470
00:19:07,338 --> 00:19:08,636
And Catherine?
471
00:19:08,661 --> 00:19:11,073
Uh... she's getting there, too.
472
00:19:11,098 --> 00:19:13,649
Now tell me how this works again
473
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:16,955
when she's out of the state more
often than she is in your bed.
474
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:18,522
Gemma.
475
00:19:18,547 --> 00:19:21,298
What, you want to take
the South out of me, too?
476
00:19:21,323 --> 00:19:22,690
I already quit drinking.
477
00:19:24,821 --> 00:19:26,085
You know...
478
00:19:26,110 --> 00:19:28,346
Catherine and I like to fight.
479
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:31,257
Part of what I love most about her
480
00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:34,772
is her... her passion, her fire.
481
00:19:35,009 --> 00:19:38,429
But it's like the...
the light's gone out,
482
00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:41,180
and I... I don't know how
to get it back, you know?
483
00:19:42,619 --> 00:19:45,626
You have the biggest heart
I've ever known, Richard.
484
00:19:46,116 --> 00:19:50,589
Catherine may be too
wrapped up in her own head
485
00:19:50,888 --> 00:19:53,175
to see that right now.
486
00:19:53,681 --> 00:19:57,449
When my mother died,
the first thing I thought,
487
00:19:57,474 --> 00:20:00,678
and I was a kid... was that my father's
488
00:20:00,703 --> 00:20:04,515
never gonna have that love,
sitting on that porch
489
00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:07,535
beside him, the rest of his life.
490
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,774
See, when my girlfriends
491
00:20:09,799 --> 00:20:12,688
would throw pillowcases
on their heads as veils...
492
00:20:13,509 --> 00:20:16,547
...they was like, "This was
the best day of my life."
493
00:20:16,572 --> 00:20:22,706
I thought the only thing better
than one man to love you...
494
00:20:22,733 --> 00:20:24,623
is a rotation.
495
00:20:25,909 --> 00:20:29,296
I've... never been that.
496
00:20:29,321 --> 00:20:30,828
Ohh.
497
00:20:38,128 --> 00:20:40,887
Ah.
498
00:20:42,269 --> 00:20:44,452
Now, why would you pull away
499
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:47,769
from the first little bit of comfort
500
00:20:47,794 --> 00:20:49,315
that you've had in weeks?
501
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,557
Because I'm a married man.
502
00:20:51,581 --> 00:20:54,075
I am fully aware that you and Catherine
503
00:20:54,099 --> 00:20:56,893
have rings on your fingers
for better or worse.
504
00:20:56,918 --> 00:21:01,430
Forgive me for thinking that
because you have hit the worst,
505
00:21:01,455 --> 00:21:03,449
that you may be, you know...
506
00:21:03,474 --> 00:21:04,997
looking around.
507
00:21:06,021 --> 00:21:07,367
And don't insult me by pretending
508
00:21:07,392 --> 00:21:08,703
you don't know what I'm talking about.
509
00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,870
Because I've known
you too well for too long.
510
00:21:12,740 --> 00:21:14,423
I love my wife.
511
00:21:14,448 --> 00:21:18,669
I have no intentions of
competing with Catherine Fox.
512
00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:22,324
Y'all are having a hard time.
You'll find your way back.
513
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:23,849
But in the meantime...
514
00:21:23,874 --> 00:21:25,972
you're miserable,
515
00:21:25,997 --> 00:21:28,130
and I'm here,
516
00:21:28,429 --> 00:21:33,067
and life is too short
to deprive ourselves
517
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:35,484
of what we've been feeling
for so many years.
518
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:38,722
You know, I think you've
mistaken my friendship
519
00:21:38,747 --> 00:21:40,212
for something else entirely.
520
00:21:40,237 --> 00:21:42,370
And if you think this is just friendship,
521
00:21:42,395 --> 00:21:44,946
than you're as dumb as that
man who counts on his hands.
522
00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:50,405
Okay, um...
523
00:21:50,430 --> 00:21:54,024
if I've done anything
to mislead you, Gemma,
524
00:21:54,049 --> 00:21:55,939
okay, I apologize.
525
00:21:55,964 --> 00:21:58,905
But, uh, there is nothing between us,
526
00:21:58,930 --> 00:22:00,541
and there never has been.
527
00:22:02,063 --> 00:22:04,849
Well, suit yourself,
but if history serves,
528
00:22:04,874 --> 00:22:07,007
when hard times hit, you bury yourself
529
00:22:07,032 --> 00:22:09,791
in a bottle of vodka or another woman.
530
00:22:09,816 --> 00:22:12,089
And we both know
which one you can handle.
531
00:22:21,790 --> 00:22:23,866
Are you really going to just walk away
532
00:22:23,891 --> 00:22:25,503
after what we felt in there?
533
00:22:25,528 --> 00:22:27,596
All that talk about rigorous honesty.
534
00:22:27,621 --> 00:22:29,976
I'm in love with Catherine. My wife.
535
00:22:30,001 --> 00:22:32,164
And you're in love with Adele, too.
536
00:22:32,189 --> 00:22:35,396
Until there was Ellis Grey,
and then it was back to Adele,
537
00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:38,058
and when she lay in that
home dying of Alzheimer's,
538
00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:38,942
who were you with?
539
00:22:38,967 --> 00:22:40,978
I tried to visit Adele all the time.
540
00:22:41,003 --> 00:22:42,197
It only upset her.
541
00:22:42,222 --> 00:22:45,121
And whose arms did you fall into then?
542
00:22:45,146 --> 00:22:46,548
Catherine.
543
00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:47,780
Just because you know my history
544
00:22:47,805 --> 00:22:49,149
doesn't mean you can use it against me
545
00:22:49,173 --> 00:22:51,576
to make yourself less lonely.
546
00:22:51,601 --> 00:22:52,899
Richard!
547
00:22:52,924 --> 00:22:54,952
Call your sponsor. Get a meeting.
548
00:22:54,977 --> 00:22:56,868
That was not sober behavior.
549
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,392
Oh, go ahead, get it over with.
550
00:23:19,416 --> 00:23:21,653
How are you feeling?
551
00:23:21,677 --> 00:23:23,393
How's Ben feeling? Was it planned?
552
00:23:23,417 --> 00:23:25,028
Don't know, doesn't know yet,
553
00:23:25,052 --> 00:23:26,558
and hell no.
554
00:23:26,582 --> 00:23:29,342
Uh... her A.B.G is better.
555
00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:32,229
She's less acidotic,
and CO level is down.
556
00:23:32,253 --> 00:23:34,004
She should be awake up by now.
557
00:23:37,376 --> 00:23:40,135
It's okay to admit
if you're feeling scared.
558
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,127
What happens in the hyperbaric chamber
559
00:23:42,152 --> 00:23:43,572
stays in the hyperbaric chamber.
560
00:23:43,596 --> 00:23:45,322
- I'm not scared.
- Okay.
561
00:23:45,347 --> 00:23:48,893
I'm... surprised.
562
00:23:50,752 --> 00:23:53,755
Tuck is the light of my life,
563
00:23:53,780 --> 00:23:56,505
but I thought I was done
with diapers and strollers.
564
00:23:56,530 --> 00:23:59,011
Now there's all these
new diapers with wings
565
00:23:59,036 --> 00:24:01,203
and strollers that can
practically fly to the moon.
566
00:24:01,228 --> 00:24:03,893
And I think I... could be happy.
567
00:24:03,918 --> 00:24:05,469
I might be happy...
568
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:08,285
but out-of-my-mind terrified.
569
00:24:08,310 --> 00:24:10,548
And terrified.
570
00:24:10,573 --> 00:24:12,451
It's a therapy thing.
571
00:24:12,476 --> 00:24:13,921
You listed all these positive feelings
572
00:24:13,946 --> 00:24:15,871
and then you said "but"
as if being terrified
573
00:24:15,896 --> 00:24:17,595
erased everything that you said prior,
574
00:24:17,619 --> 00:24:21,975
but the happy, the terror, it's all true.
575
00:24:24,345 --> 00:24:25,990
Well, I don't like it.
576
00:24:37,875 --> 00:24:39,556
Right on time.
577
00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:41,157
What?
578
00:24:41,505 --> 00:24:43,765
What are you, stalking me?
579
00:24:43,789 --> 00:24:45,399
Nah.
580
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,219
Therapists rotate every night.
581
00:24:47,243 --> 00:24:48,804
There's always a runner.
582
00:24:49,098 --> 00:24:52,728
I figured after our session this
afternoon, odds were on you.
583
00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:57,448
Besides, I like staring
at the stars for funzies.
584
00:24:57,472 --> 00:24:59,843
I don't want to run.
585
00:24:59,868 --> 00:25:01,006
It doesn't make any sense.
586
00:25:01,031 --> 00:25:03,255
I feel shame over things
I didn't even do,
587
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,695
things that were done to me.
588
00:25:04,801 --> 00:25:08,140
That's all I can feel.
589
00:25:09,995 --> 00:25:11,034
Yep.
590
00:25:14,172 --> 00:25:15,749
Is that all you're gonna say?
591
00:25:15,774 --> 00:25:17,616
Well, technically, I'm off the clock.
592
00:25:21,052 --> 00:25:23,297
You're used to being exceptional.
593
00:25:23,642 --> 00:25:26,383
Right now, you're just like
everybody else here mentally.
594
00:25:27,299 --> 00:25:29,880
You're stuck, can't see
past the one moment
595
00:25:29,905 --> 00:25:31,930
that's defining your entire life.
596
00:25:33,210 --> 00:25:35,447
You mean the moment
where I watched my mom
597
00:25:35,472 --> 00:25:37,436
walk away from me in a diner?
598
00:25:38,730 --> 00:25:40,105
No.
599
00:25:41,086 --> 00:25:42,546
Then what?
600
00:25:44,747 --> 00:25:46,195
For you.
601
00:25:46,732 --> 00:25:48,322
Purple juice day.
602
00:25:49,576 --> 00:25:51,575
Best day ever.
603
00:25:55,619 --> 00:25:59,027
Okay. Okay, boundaries.
604
00:26:00,910 --> 00:26:03,136
If you could move through
that fear and that shame
605
00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:04,806
and let yourself feel angry...
606
00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:06,090
I can't.
607
00:26:07,893 --> 00:26:12,137
Which means I'll be stuck here forever.
608
00:26:16,429 --> 00:26:18,076
Yep.
609
00:26:21,450 --> 00:26:24,274
Tuck's childhood bedtime routine. Go.
610
00:26:24,916 --> 00:26:26,841
Okay, uh...
611
00:26:26,866 --> 00:26:29,556
uh, bath, diaper, PJs,
612
00:26:29,581 --> 00:26:31,505
a glass of milk, brush your teeth,
613
00:26:31,530 --> 00:26:33,211
one book, out like a light...
614
00:26:33,236 --> 00:26:36,726
but then when he got older
and we'd finished the book,
615
00:26:36,751 --> 00:26:38,363
all of a sudden, he needed
to go back to the bathroom...
616
00:26:38,387 --> 00:26:41,099
Just stick to the baby routine. Again.
617
00:26:41,124 --> 00:26:42,201
Baby routine, okay.
618
00:26:42,214 --> 00:26:46,295
Uh, bath, diaper, PJs, glass of milk,
619
00:26:46,319 --> 00:26:49,217
brush your teeth,
one book, out like a light.
620
00:26:49,241 --> 00:26:52,453
- One more time.
- Bath, diaper, PJs,
621
00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:54,821
a glass of milk, brush your teeth,
622
00:26:55,097 --> 00:26:57,717
one book, out like a light.
623
00:27:02,258 --> 00:27:05,922
I swear to God, Karev,
next time I go on sabbatical,
624
00:27:05,947 --> 00:27:07,317
I'm going wherever the hell you went.
625
00:27:07,341 --> 00:27:08,674
You learned all the things.
626
00:27:08,699 --> 00:27:11,613
I learned it all from her.
627
00:27:14,031 --> 00:27:15,851
Oh! Oh, she's seizing.
628
00:27:15,876 --> 00:27:17,035
Okay.
629
00:27:17,060 --> 00:27:18,915
Damn, I thought she was getting better!
630
00:27:18,940 --> 00:27:22,290
Her labs are fine. I can't tell why...
631
00:27:23,917 --> 00:27:25,668
She doesn't share food.
632
00:27:25,693 --> 00:27:27,234
The almonds she was always eating.
633
00:27:27,259 --> 00:27:28,314
What if she's diabetic?
634
00:27:28,339 --> 00:27:29,710
What was her glucose when she came in?
635
00:27:29,734 --> 00:27:30,799
Uh...
636
00:27:32,646 --> 00:27:36,866
78, which is low normal,
but the hyperbaric therapy...
637
00:27:36,891 --> 00:27:39,074
Is using the glucose to
metabolize the oxygen.
638
00:27:39,099 --> 00:27:40,363
- D-50!
- D-50!
639
00:27:43,416 --> 00:27:44,957
Okay, Carly, here we go.
640
00:27:44,982 --> 00:27:46,732
All right.
641
00:27:48,323 --> 00:27:50,177
Now. Okay.
642
00:27:55,807 --> 00:27:58,183
Carly, it's Jo. Can you hear me?
643
00:28:08,114 --> 00:28:10,589
You're good. You're okay. It's okay.
644
00:28:10,614 --> 00:28:13,186
I'm here. You're okay.
645
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,040
I'm pissed now, okay?
646
00:28:17,064 --> 00:28:18,884
Are you happy?
647
00:28:18,908 --> 00:28:21,508
Good morning, Carly. Do you
have a few minutes to talk?
648
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:23,666
10 sessions with you and
that dumb-ass light bar.
649
00:28:23,690 --> 00:28:26,241
Not really fair to take it out
on the light bar, but okay.
650
00:28:26,265 --> 00:28:28,745
I hate everything! My mom.
651
00:28:28,769 --> 00:28:30,207
My rapist dad, Paul.
652
00:28:30,231 --> 00:28:32,608
The fact that I'm here staring
at the same image of my mom
653
00:28:32,632 --> 00:28:35,717
pulling away from me in a diner
over and over and over again,
654
00:28:35,741 --> 00:28:37,640
and never moving past it.
655
00:28:39,068 --> 00:28:41,036
And that. You know what?
I'm adding that to the list,
656
00:28:41,060 --> 00:28:43,672
the fact that I'm in pain and
you're treating it like a joke.
657
00:28:43,696 --> 00:28:45,755
This isn't a joke. It's a breakthrough.
658
00:28:45,780 --> 00:28:47,056
You're finally allowing yourself
659
00:28:47,081 --> 00:28:49,862
to move past your fear and
the shame and into the anger.
660
00:28:49,887 --> 00:28:51,146
This is progress.
661
00:28:51,171 --> 00:28:53,200
Okay, I can't be angry.
662
00:28:53,225 --> 00:28:54,453
Why not?
663
00:28:54,478 --> 00:28:56,542
Because if I start being
angry, I will never stop,
664
00:28:56,567 --> 00:28:58,944
and then I'm Paul.
I'm no better than him.
665
00:28:59,526 --> 00:29:02,566
That's because you don't know
what healthy anger looks like.
666
00:29:03,353 --> 00:29:06,921
No, no, no. I'm not...
I c... I can't do EMDR today.
667
00:29:06,946 --> 00:29:08,905
I'm not doing it.
I know it's... life-changing
668
00:29:08,930 --> 00:29:11,320
or whatever, but just,
I can't, not today.
669
00:29:12,218 --> 00:29:16,229
Hi, I'm Carly, and my core
feeling today is pride
670
00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:18,700
because my patient
asked for what she needed
671
00:29:18,725 --> 00:29:20,846
for the first time in 22 days.
672
00:29:29,071 --> 00:29:30,960
What's happening?
673
00:29:30,985 --> 00:29:32,688
I'm throwing crap at a wall.
674
00:29:34,596 --> 00:29:36,543
Care to join me?
675
00:29:40,387 --> 00:29:42,312
Are we both consenting adults?
676
00:29:42,337 --> 00:29:43,432
Yep.
677
00:29:43,457 --> 00:29:46,494
Are we okay if we agree
to throw things at walls...
678
00:29:46,519 --> 00:29:48,653
not people... just the walls?
679
00:29:49,275 --> 00:29:50,298
Yep.
680
00:29:50,323 --> 00:29:53,326
Right there. That's
what makes you not Paul.
681
00:29:53,351 --> 00:29:56,862
Because you can feel anger
while controlling your behavior.
682
00:30:00,213 --> 00:30:02,326
Throw first, judge later.
683
00:30:02,924 --> 00:30:04,053
Okay.
684
00:30:11,914 --> 00:30:13,421
Remind me not to pick you first
685
00:30:13,446 --> 00:30:15,056
if we ever start a trauma league.
686
00:30:16,469 --> 00:30:17,628
Give me a minute.
687
00:30:49,463 --> 00:30:52,017
I'm gonna go off script
here and admit something.
688
00:30:54,761 --> 00:30:58,215
I used to be the on-call
social worker for Safe Haven.
689
00:30:59,148 --> 00:31:01,255
Moms and dads would drop their babies off
690
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,804
at fire stations,
and I would get the call.
691
00:31:03,829 --> 00:31:07,110
And no matter how fast I drove,
by the time I got there,
692
00:31:07,771 --> 00:31:10,185
that baby would be wrapped
in a warm blanket,
693
00:31:11,305 --> 00:31:15,665
in some firefighter's arms,
a crowd around it.
694
00:31:16,363 --> 00:31:18,151
Why are you telling me this?
695
00:31:19,039 --> 00:31:20,712
You were five days old
696
00:31:20,737 --> 00:31:23,393
when your mother abandoned you.
697
00:31:23,418 --> 00:31:24,779
Your brain may not have a memory
698
00:31:24,804 --> 00:31:28,007
of her pulling her hand away
from you, but your body does.
699
00:31:31,721 --> 00:31:34,828
And your body felt the
same way in that diner
700
00:31:35,345 --> 00:31:37,931
when she pulled away
and left you... Alone.
701
00:31:40,994 --> 00:31:42,690
It's why it hurt so much.
702
00:31:45,690 --> 00:31:47,664
Your body felt the same way
703
00:31:47,688 --> 00:31:50,033
it did when you were
a baby, all over again.
704
00:31:58,376 --> 00:32:02,631
And you were surrounded by love.
705
00:32:05,580 --> 00:32:07,051
Still are.
706
00:32:18,934 --> 00:32:21,314
Now, if you want to go home
and take care of yourself,
707
00:32:21,339 --> 00:32:23,160
I can do this part.
708
00:32:23,185 --> 00:32:26,048
No. I should be the one to tell her.
709
00:32:26,073 --> 00:32:28,346
All right, well, I'll be right
out there if you need me.
710
00:32:33,236 --> 00:32:37,527
Today I watched you teeter on that edge,
711
00:32:37,552 --> 00:32:41,250
bring yourself back...
by yourself, bring me back...
712
00:32:41,275 --> 00:32:44,138
and save someone
else's life in the process.
713
00:32:44,163 --> 00:32:46,923
I don't know what
"square one" looks like,
714
00:32:46,948 --> 00:32:49,499
but there was nothing
square one about that.
715
00:33:03,125 --> 00:33:05,363
You're giving me that death look.
716
00:33:05,388 --> 00:33:06,825
I don't have a death look.
717
00:33:06,850 --> 00:33:08,531
You did whenever I gave you homework,
718
00:33:08,556 --> 00:33:10,481
told you something
you didn't want to hear.
719
00:33:10,506 --> 00:33:12,313
It's just my face.
720
00:33:14,935 --> 00:33:16,929
You had carbon monoxide poisoning.
721
00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:19,526
You had a seizure because
your blood sugar bottomed out,
722
00:33:19,551 --> 00:33:22,292
but we were able to bring it
back up and oxygenate you.
723
00:33:22,317 --> 00:33:24,809
And in theory, you should be
well enough to go home tomorrow.
724
00:33:24,834 --> 00:33:26,306
In theory?
725
00:33:26,797 --> 00:33:29,312
You know that I have to call psych now.
726
00:33:29,823 --> 00:33:32,135
I don't want to, but it's the law...
727
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,213
all suicide attempts
have to be reported...
728
00:33:34,238 --> 00:33:35,347
Suicide attempt?
729
00:33:35,661 --> 00:33:37,516
Hold up.
730
00:33:37,541 --> 00:33:41,519
One minute, I was 200 pages in
to the newest Margaret Atwood,
731
00:33:41,544 --> 00:33:43,059
curled up next to my heater,
732
00:33:43,084 --> 00:33:45,815
the next I'm in some space
chamber in the hospital.
733
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:47,347
You didn't do this on purpose?
734
00:33:47,372 --> 00:33:48,600
Never again.
735
00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:50,097
You were in your home.
736
00:33:50,458 --> 00:33:53,226
Well, I wasn't in my
garage with a locked door,
737
00:33:53,251 --> 00:33:54,822
a note, and a death wish.
738
00:33:54,847 --> 00:33:57,069
If you want to 5150 me
for forgetting to change
739
00:33:57,094 --> 00:33:59,288
the batteries in my
CO detector, that's fair
740
00:33:59,313 --> 00:34:00,786
because that thing's been out for months,
741
00:34:00,810 --> 00:34:03,639
and I-I could've died.
742
00:34:08,738 --> 00:34:10,665
Thanks for not letting me die.
743
00:34:14,339 --> 00:34:15,497
Breathe.
744
00:34:15,522 --> 00:34:17,099
I'm breathing.
745
00:34:17,124 --> 00:34:18,352
Her chemistries are stable,
746
00:34:18,377 --> 00:34:20,208
but should I get an endocrine consult?
747
00:34:21,290 --> 00:34:23,145
Um...
748
00:34:26,824 --> 00:34:28,331
Carly...
749
00:34:28,356 --> 00:34:30,468
I can't be your doctor anymore.
750
00:34:30,493 --> 00:34:32,451
I never should've been
in the first place.
751
00:34:32,476 --> 00:34:35,862
So Dr. Bailey will take good care of you.
752
00:34:37,871 --> 00:34:39,169
What?
753
00:34:39,194 --> 00:34:40,478
Boundaries.
754
00:34:41,391 --> 00:34:44,220
Looks like somebody learned
something after all.
755
00:34:50,821 --> 00:34:52,198
Okay.
756
00:34:54,555 --> 00:34:56,619
Oh, you're home.
757
00:34:56,644 --> 00:34:59,543
Yes, I am home.
758
00:35:03,326 --> 00:35:05,076
You worked all night again?
759
00:35:05,101 --> 00:35:07,147
Yeah, I did.
760
00:35:07,572 --> 00:35:12,017
I went to breakfast, then, uh,
I came back here to lie down.
761
00:35:12,042 --> 00:35:14,704
I guess I slept all day.
762
00:35:19,921 --> 00:35:21,450
How was your trip?
763
00:35:23,298 --> 00:35:25,592
Same as it always is.
764
00:35:27,371 --> 00:35:29,538
You look tired, Richard.
765
00:35:29,563 --> 00:35:31,475
I am, Catherine.
766
00:35:32,720 --> 00:35:34,282
I really am.
767
00:35:37,986 --> 00:35:39,723
Go back to sleep.
768
00:36:09,944 --> 00:36:11,662
I came as fast as I could.
What's... What's going on?
769
00:36:11,686 --> 00:36:13,088
What's... Is... Are you okay?
770
00:36:13,113 --> 00:36:14,468
Is... Is Tuck okay?
771
00:36:16,132 --> 00:36:19,239
Oh, okay, so not an emergency.
772
00:36:19,264 --> 00:36:20,737
Well... Well, can we talk
about it over dinner?
773
00:36:20,761 --> 00:36:22,024
Because I'm starving,
774
00:36:22,049 --> 00:36:23,695
and that... that tandoori chicken
775
00:36:23,720 --> 00:36:25,888
at Monsoon on Main is calling my na...
776
00:36:25,913 --> 00:36:27,377
I'm pregnant!
777
00:36:30,162 --> 00:36:31,814
But... you...
778
00:36:31,839 --> 00:36:32,828
you...
779
00:36:32,853 --> 00:36:35,091
y-you said were going through menopause.
780
00:36:35,116 --> 00:36:38,613
Turns out a lot can be
true at the same time.
781
00:36:42,065 --> 00:36:43,785
It's crazy, right?
782
00:36:43,810 --> 00:36:48,483
And I know, we've...
we've never talked about this,
783
00:36:48,508 --> 00:36:51,562
but I've been thinking
about how much more prepared
784
00:36:51,587 --> 00:36:53,869
I am now compared to when I had Tuck.
785
00:36:53,894 --> 00:36:56,366
I was just a resident.
I thought I knew everything,
786
00:36:56,391 --> 00:36:59,175
but basically knew, uh, nothing.
787
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,307
But now I've got mad skills,
nothing can stop me,
788
00:37:02,332 --> 00:37:05,788
and I kind of think this might be great
789
00:37:05,813 --> 00:37:09,894
and something that we'll
have... together. Right?
790
00:37:09,919 --> 00:37:13,723
Or... mm, am I wrong?
791
00:37:13,748 --> 00:37:16,959
Um, and it's okay if I'm...
792
00:37:16,984 --> 00:37:18,845
if, uh...
793
00:37:18,870 --> 00:37:21,003
I'm sorry. Uh...
794
00:37:21,028 --> 00:37:23,266
I've just been spinning
all day waiting to tell you,
795
00:37:23,277 --> 00:37:25,027
and then I got stuck in the chamber...
796
00:37:25,051 --> 00:37:27,428
Oh, we're having a baby!!
797
00:37:27,452 --> 00:37:28,896
Y-Yes.
798
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,621
Oh, and nausea is a classic
symptom of pregnancy...
799
00:37:32,646 --> 00:37:34,118
one more spin and we...
800
00:37:38,180 --> 00:37:40,069
We're having a baby.
801
00:37:43,853 --> 00:37:45,360
You happy?
802
00:37:45,385 --> 00:37:47,939
Oh!
803
00:37:48,064 --> 00:37:52,642
Yeah.
804
00:37:52,867 --> 00:37:55,000
Tell them. Tell them.
805
00:37:55,025 --> 00:37:56,846
Hey, hey. We're... We're having a baby.
806
00:37:56,871 --> 00:37:58,278
We're having a baby.
807
00:37:58,403 --> 00:38:00,292
We're having a baby.
808
00:38:00,317 --> 00:38:02,264
Okay.
809
00:38:02,289 --> 00:38:04,074
Trauma doesn't tell time.
810
00:38:04,099 --> 00:38:06,743
It can't tell if we're 8 or 41,
811
00:38:06,768 --> 00:38:08,484
if our kids have the chicken pox,
812
00:38:08,509 --> 00:38:09,542
or if we have
813
00:38:09,567 --> 00:38:11,896
the biggest surgeries
of our lives to perform.
814
00:38:11,921 --> 00:38:14,820
Hey. How was your day?
815
00:38:14,845 --> 00:38:16,694
Rough.
816
00:38:16,961 --> 00:38:19,547
- Do you want to talk about it?
- No.
817
00:38:21,895 --> 00:38:22,893
It doesn't have to be with me.
818
00:38:22,918 --> 00:38:24,909
I just don't want you to
keep it inside like before.
819
00:38:24,933 --> 00:38:26,674
Do you wanna throw crap?
820
00:38:26,699 --> 00:38:28,331
Huh?
821
00:38:29,247 --> 00:38:31,100
And when it sneaks up on us,
822
00:38:31,125 --> 00:38:33,919
it's easy to think we're
right back at square one.
823
00:38:38,714 --> 00:38:40,012
You okay?
824
00:38:40,037 --> 00:38:42,262
Yeah. Getting there.
825
00:38:48,926 --> 00:38:50,164
Lame! You got to...
826
00:38:50,189 --> 00:38:52,925
- You got to really throw it.
- Okay.
827
00:38:57,079 --> 00:38:58,714
That felt oddly satisfying.
828
00:38:58,739 --> 00:38:59,829
Right?
829
00:38:59,854 --> 00:39:01,465
Okay, but let's do it over here.
830
00:39:01,490 --> 00:39:04,562
Let's do it over here, come on.
831
00:39:04,587 --> 00:39:05,978
All right, come on.
832
00:39:07,538 --> 00:39:08,859
This wall. Come on!
833
00:39:10,531 --> 00:39:11,595
Whoo!
834
00:39:11,620 --> 00:39:13,273
One, two, three.
835
00:39:14,735 --> 00:39:16,041
One, two...
836
00:39:16,066 --> 00:39:18,273
- Three.
- Aah!
837
00:39:27,519 --> 00:39:31,497
But the truth is, even when our
brain convinces us we're lost,
838
00:39:31,522 --> 00:39:34,767
if we try hard enough,
our bodies always remind us
839
00:39:34,792 --> 00:39:36,316
there's a way back.
840
00:39:37,016 --> 00:39:38,419
- Okay.
- Okay.
841
00:39:38,444 --> 00:39:40,159
I'll be right back.
842
00:39:42,449 --> 00:39:44,215
- Hey.
- Hey. How's she doing?
843
00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:45,538
She's fully recovered.
844
00:39:45,563 --> 00:39:47,870
She's asking for Jell-O,
so I'm on a hunt.
845
00:39:51,111 --> 00:39:52,618
Thank you.
846
00:39:52,642 --> 00:39:54,253
How are you doing?
847
00:39:54,277 --> 00:39:57,001
I'm glad Zola's okay.
848
00:39:57,025 --> 00:39:59,442
Good. Nancy.
849
00:39:59,466 --> 00:40:01,328
"The girl who cried medical emergency."
850
00:40:01,352 --> 00:40:02,717
That's what the judge called you.
851
00:40:02,741 --> 00:40:04,685
- How's your daughter?
- Much better, thank you.
852
00:40:04,709 --> 00:40:06,898
She had to have neurosurgery,
so I couldn't leave her.
853
00:40:06,922 --> 00:40:08,873
I get that. But sadly, you're
going to have to leave her,
854
00:40:08,897 --> 00:40:10,015
along with the rest of your children
855
00:40:10,039 --> 00:40:11,908
while you make up for your missed hours.
856
00:40:11,932 --> 00:40:14,998
I was able to squeeze a small
drop of humanity from the judge.
857
00:40:15,022 --> 00:40:17,630
Thank you. I will be
at trash duty first thing,
858
00:40:17,654 --> 00:40:20,092
and no more excuses,
as soon as she's sent home.
859
00:40:20,116 --> 00:40:22,989
Dr. Grey, you're not
going back to clean-up duty.
860
00:40:23,013 --> 00:40:25,423
You'll be making up
your missed hours in jail.
861
00:40:25,809 --> 00:40:28,451
And prepares us for
whatever fight lies ahead.
62481
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.