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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,224 --> 00:00:04,146 ? The night is right ? 2 00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:07,255 ? For making love ? 3 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,559 ? To you. ? 4 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,262 Old Spice, my secret weapon. 5 00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:18,138 Oh-ho-ho. 6 00:00:18,163 --> 00:00:20,163 She's a lucky lady. 7 00:00:20,737 --> 00:00:25,232 Andi, prepare yourself for some good old-fashioned... 8 00:00:25,257 --> 00:00:26,423 Teddy. 9 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,204 Surprise, he's in our bed again. 10 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,407 I see that and I love it. 11 00:00:33,459 --> 00:00:35,826 But, uh... 12 00:00:35,878 --> 00:00:38,245 buddy, you've been sleeping in here for two weeks. 13 00:00:38,297 --> 00:00:40,297 Made your own little dent in the mattress. 14 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:43,750 Well, he can't sleep on his own 15 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,837 because somebody let him watch Nightmare on Elm Street. 16 00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:49,729 Okay, look, I know we talked about this, 17 00:00:49,753 --> 00:00:51,141 but I am still not convinced 18 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,809 that's why he can't sleep by himself. 19 00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:54,594 Hmm. 20 00:00:54,646 --> 00:00:56,396 What else could have happened two weeks ago 21 00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:58,098 to scare the bejesus out of Teddy? 22 00:00:59,485 --> 00:01:02,822 I switched to two percent milk, that's pretty spooky. 23 00:01:03,989 --> 00:01:05,405 No, it was the movie. 24 00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,908 - Okay. - Honey, don't worry about it. 25 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,753 Go get your pillow. 26 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:14,281 I estimate we have 30 seconds, okay? 27 00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,166 Unless he brushes his teeth. 28 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,201 Ted-Teddy! 29 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,084 Brush your teeth! 30 00:01:19,136 --> 00:01:20,970 Okay, we have 35 seconds. 31 00:01:21,005 --> 00:01:22,338 It's not a race. 32 00:01:22,390 --> 00:01:24,512 Well, it can be. It's been two weeks! 33 00:01:24,537 --> 00:01:25,920 Okay, listen. 34 00:01:26,093 --> 00:01:28,005 No, no, no, listen, listen. 35 00:01:28,030 --> 00:01:29,942 I said he was too young for that movie 36 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,457 but you went rogue. 37 00:01:31,482 --> 00:01:32,564 Yeah. 38 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,683 You made your bed and now 39 00:01:34,735 --> 00:01:36,652 we all get to lie in it. 40 00:01:37,421 --> 00:01:39,171 With Teddy. 41 00:01:39,523 --> 00:01:42,274 Wait, wait, wait, we still have ten seconds. 42 00:01:42,326 --> 00:01:43,826 We can make this happen. 43 00:01:43,861 --> 00:01:45,982 If you follow my instructions very carefully... 44 00:01:49,332 --> 00:01:52,049 What a waste of Old Spice. 45 00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:03,345 What is wrong with this... bag? 46 00:02:03,381 --> 00:02:05,498 Why won't it open? 47 00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:08,434 Why don't bags open anymore? 48 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,699 This bag is broken. 49 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:13,806 Adam. 50 00:02:16,777 --> 00:02:18,811 You seem troubled. 51 00:02:19,535 --> 00:02:22,781 I'm fine, it's... it's private. 52 00:02:22,817 --> 00:02:24,984 Yeah, stay out of the man's business. 53 00:02:25,036 --> 00:02:28,070 He hasn't made love to his wife in 15 days. 54 00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:30,906 That's not true. How do you know that? 55 00:02:30,908 --> 00:02:32,574 Marcy told me. 56 00:02:32,576 --> 00:02:35,577 After we made love. 57 00:02:37,298 --> 00:02:40,249 We have a heck of a streak going. 58 00:02:40,399 --> 00:02:43,733 And I'll tell you, the sky looks a little bluer. 59 00:02:44,755 --> 00:02:46,722 Well, since it's public information... 60 00:02:46,757 --> 00:02:49,378 I let Teddy watch a scary movie 61 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,760 and he's been in our bed ever since. 62 00:02:51,812 --> 00:02:54,730 Now I'm starring in my own horror movie and it's rated G. 63 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:58,267 I haven't had intimate relations 64 00:02:58,269 --> 00:02:59,858 since Jen and I split up. 65 00:02:59,883 --> 00:03:01,772 But I'm not complaining, I have new interests. 66 00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:04,158 I'm learning Mandarin. 67 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:06,350 That means, "I'm lonely." 68 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,899 Let's just keep our bedroom problems to ourselves, okay? 69 00:03:12,924 --> 00:03:16,201 I don't need anyone else knowing my private business. 70 00:03:16,253 --> 00:03:18,837 Your mother tells me you're in a slump, son. 71 00:03:21,625 --> 00:03:23,007 Mom knows? 72 00:03:23,032 --> 00:03:25,260 Well, my guess is you're overthinking things. 73 00:03:25,296 --> 00:03:26,512 Just relax, boy. 74 00:03:26,547 --> 00:03:28,593 See the ball, hit the ball. 75 00:03:30,217 --> 00:03:32,301 It's not a slump. It's a drought. 76 00:03:32,303 --> 00:03:34,636 My swing is just fine. 77 00:03:34,688 --> 00:03:37,629 You say "tomato," I say you're not getting any. 78 00:03:41,479 --> 00:03:44,166 Look, the problem's not me and Andi. 79 00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:47,282 It's all the little people that live with us. 80 00:03:47,814 --> 00:03:49,535 One of life's cruel jokes: 81 00:03:49,570 --> 00:03:51,370 the more kids you have, the less time there is 82 00:03:51,405 --> 00:03:53,372 to do the thing that makes kids. 83 00:03:54,575 --> 00:03:56,780 Well, you know what you should do? 84 00:03:56,805 --> 00:03:58,160 Take Andi to a hotel. 85 00:03:58,212 --> 00:04:00,045 No kids, a little romance. 86 00:04:00,081 --> 00:04:01,747 That's actually a great idea. 87 00:04:01,799 --> 00:04:03,215 Andi loves hotels. 88 00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,228 It reminds her of our honeymoon, when she was already 89 00:04:05,252 --> 00:04:07,136 in a good mood, 'cause she got me. 90 00:04:07,171 --> 00:04:09,632 - Hey, Dad, can you watch the kids? - Sure. 91 00:04:09,657 --> 00:04:12,091 I love having my little beer grabbers around. 92 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,890 How come you never ask me or Marcy to watch the kids? 93 00:04:18,234 --> 00:04:19,515 Where are your keys right now? 94 00:04:21,402 --> 00:04:22,935 That's why. 95 00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:25,437 Come on, I'm serious. 96 00:04:25,489 --> 00:04:26,738 You never even consider us. 97 00:04:26,774 --> 00:04:28,112 I love those kids. 98 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:30,587 Well, that's nice to hear, Don. 99 00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:33,326 And since Dad just called them "little beer grabbers," 100 00:04:33,351 --> 00:04:34,746 I guess you win. 101 00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,235 That's all right. 102 00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:40,108 I still have your mother, the original beer grabber. 103 00:04:42,726 --> 00:04:47,126 How would you like to be whisked... away 104 00:04:47,178 --> 00:04:49,878 by your loving husband to a hotel room 105 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,062 complete with... a loving husband? 106 00:04:53,934 --> 00:04:56,468 - You're so sweet. - Hmm? Yeah. 107 00:04:56,493 --> 00:04:59,551 - But we can't. - What? Why? 108 00:04:59,576 --> 00:05:01,085 Well, hotels cost money. 109 00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:03,811 Until we sell that flip house, we are carrying two mortgages. 110 00:05:03,836 --> 00:05:05,310 I already thought of that. 111 00:05:05,362 --> 00:05:08,063 I have a gift card. 112 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:10,899 Don't worry, baby. 113 00:05:10,901 --> 00:05:12,951 - I won't spend a dime on you. - Aw. 114 00:05:14,989 --> 00:05:17,706 Wait, this is the hotel that gave us a free night 115 00:05:17,741 --> 00:05:18,991 'cause they had bedbugs. 116 00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:20,292 Mm. 117 00:05:20,327 --> 00:05:21,793 You saw one, 118 00:05:21,829 --> 00:05:23,242 and freaked out and the next thing I knew, 119 00:05:23,266 --> 00:05:24,808 you were in the glass elevator naked, 120 00:05:24,832 --> 00:05:26,244 riding down to the lobby. 121 00:05:27,811 --> 00:05:30,028 I had my underwear. 122 00:05:30,829 --> 00:05:32,744 In your hand. 123 00:05:33,474 --> 00:05:35,424 And I apologized to that wedding. 124 00:05:36,546 --> 00:05:38,341 But the hotel just reopened, 125 00:05:38,366 --> 00:05:39,608 so it'll never be cleaner. 126 00:05:39,633 --> 00:05:41,016 Just like when a restaurant reopens 127 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,526 after a rat problem... ooh. 128 00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:45,352 By the way, I have a gift card for dinner, too. 129 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:53,074 130 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,833 So, your dad and I have to go away for a night. 131 00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:00,057 Oh, what for? 132 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:02,559 We got to take care of a little business. 133 00:06:03,646 --> 00:06:04,862 What kind of business? 134 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,897 None of your business business. 135 00:06:07,426 --> 00:06:09,567 So, you, Teddy and Emme are gonna be staying 136 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:10,868 with Uncle Don and Aunt Marcy. 137 00:06:11,251 --> 00:06:12,953 Or... 138 00:06:12,989 --> 00:06:14,288 I think I'm old enough now 139 00:06:14,323 --> 00:06:16,624 to stay home by myself for one night. 140 00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:17,908 What do you say? 141 00:06:18,226 --> 00:06:19,642 - Okay. - No. 142 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,496 Pantry. 143 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,500 Okay. 144 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,469 We are not leaving Katie here by herself; 145 00:06:28,504 --> 00:06:29,699 she can't be trusted. 146 00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,472 She's got our DNA. 147 00:06:31,507 --> 00:06:34,892 Our beer-chugging, mechanical bull-riding DNA. 148 00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:37,989 She gets good grades, she's responsible, 149 00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:39,597 she's a good girl. 150 00:06:39,682 --> 00:06:42,099 We had a golden retriever growing up that was a good girl. 151 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:44,249 You know what she did every time we left her alone? 152 00:06:44,274 --> 00:06:45,747 Jumped the fence and got pregnant. 153 00:06:46,249 --> 00:06:49,023 She's having a tough time at school, all right? 154 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,491 Her best friend moved away. 155 00:06:50,526 --> 00:06:52,776 She hasn't found a new social circle yet. 156 00:06:52,778 --> 00:06:55,412 Look, she wants this; let's just do something nice for her. 157 00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:58,833 We give her food and clothes every single day. 158 00:06:59,866 --> 00:07:03,249 All right, let me ask you this: what do you want more? 159 00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:06,624 To win this Kate thing, or hotel sex? 160 00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:10,143 I vote for hotel sex. I'm a single-issue voter, okay? 161 00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:12,713 Katie, great news. 162 00:07:13,903 --> 00:07:15,744 Okay, so Teddy and Emme are at Uncle Don's... 163 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,196 Okay, everyone knows where everyone is. 164 00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:18,969 Blow some kisses. No time to waste. 165 00:07:20,255 --> 00:07:21,356 Uh, hey. 166 00:07:21,381 --> 00:07:24,253 Would it be okay if I invited Shelby and Winslow over? 167 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:27,194 The two old guys from The Muppets? 168 00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:30,675 No. They're girls from my Spanish class. 169 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,427 But I'm thinking I might get to know them better 170 00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:33,451 if we hang out. 171 00:07:35,369 --> 00:07:37,621 You-you can hang out tomorrow, okay? 172 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,123 Nobody but you here tonight. 173 00:07:39,158 --> 00:07:40,759 You invite someone over, they invite more people. 174 00:07:40,783 --> 00:07:44,128 Next thing you know, I got Burning Man in my living room. 175 00:07:44,318 --> 00:07:46,402 You in the house, just you. 176 00:07:46,427 --> 00:07:48,132 Sitting around, doing nothing. 177 00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:49,967 Have fun. I love you. 178 00:07:52,396 --> 00:07:53,754 Honey, 179 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,222 just between you and me, 180 00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:57,083 go ahead and have those girls over. 181 00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,343 - But Dad just said... - Don't worry about Dad. 182 00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:01,011 He's got other things on his mind. 183 00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:04,648 Come on. 184 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:07,151 - Would you please come on? I've got ideas. - Okay. 185 00:08:19,214 --> 00:08:20,698 Howdy, cowboy. 186 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,918 Ooh, Old West prostitute. I like it. 187 00:08:24,399 --> 00:08:26,370 No, no, I'm a pioneer woman. 188 00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:29,757 Yeah, farming the land to feed our 12 children. 189 00:08:30,203 --> 00:08:31,875 Let's just be ourselves. 190 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,844 It's been 15 days. It'll seem new. 191 00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:36,547 Later, we should raid those minibar snacks. 192 00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:37,859 They're complimentary. 193 00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:39,516 Well, if we do this thing right, 194 00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,769 you won't be awake for minibar snacks. 195 00:08:41,804 --> 00:08:43,387 Mm-hmm. 196 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,697 What is it? 197 00:08:53,649 --> 00:08:55,569 - I started thinking about those bedbugs. - Oh... 198 00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:58,152 I think this might be the same room 199 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,536 that we had last time. 200 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:02,282 It's got the same floor plan: bed, window, TV. 201 00:09:03,103 --> 00:09:05,576 It's a hotel room. They all have that floor plan. 202 00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:08,128 Right. Right. 203 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,302 It-It's like I can feel bugs on me. 204 00:09:16,004 --> 00:09:18,088 Those things drink blood. 205 00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,557 And what if one of 'em bites me there? 206 00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:22,309 That's where all the blood will be. 207 00:09:23,661 --> 00:09:25,929 Everything's gonna be fine. All right? 208 00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:29,733 Now, mosey on over here, partner. 209 00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,860 Come on. 210 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:38,692 I-I can't do it, I'm sorry. 211 00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:42,746 Hey, Teddy is at Don and Marcy's. 212 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,665 That means our bed is empty. 213 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,916 Le-Let's just go home. 214 00:09:45,951 --> 00:09:47,084 You want to go home? 215 00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:49,086 I'll make it just like a hotel, okay. 216 00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:50,315 I'll put chocolates on the pillow, 217 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:53,957 and in the morning, we can steal our own shampoo. 218 00:09:54,398 --> 00:09:55,626 Okay, yeah, that... 219 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:58,379 Let me just text Kate and warn her... tell her 220 00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,797 that we're coming home. 221 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,465 Good, good, great. I am out of here. 222 00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:02,683 - Adam. - Hmm? 223 00:10:02,718 --> 00:10:04,635 Glass elevator. 224 00:10:04,968 --> 00:10:06,718 Right. Pants. 225 00:10:12,842 --> 00:10:15,289 _ 226 00:10:15,314 --> 00:10:16,780 My dad's coming. Everybody out! 227 00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:17,898 Go, go! Get out! 228 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,983 Out, out, out, out. Go, go, go, go! 229 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:36,750 Oh, my...! 230 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:54,818 Hi. 231 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,737 Hey, Mom. 232 00:10:57,472 --> 00:10:58,962 There's my girl. 233 00:10:58,987 --> 00:11:01,692 All alone, like I knew you would be. 234 00:11:02,198 --> 00:11:04,330 Okay. Hey, Katie, we're very tired, 235 00:11:04,355 --> 00:11:05,841 so we're just gonna go straight up to bed. 236 00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:07,114 Okay. 237 00:11:09,589 --> 00:11:11,201 I never got my minibar snacks. 238 00:11:15,658 --> 00:11:17,408 This room's taken, bro. 239 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:30,249 Katie, there were teenagers canoodling in our pantry. 240 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,941 How did this happen? 241 00:11:32,976 --> 00:11:35,727 It doesn't matter how it happened. 242 00:11:37,574 --> 00:11:39,309 We don't even need to know what anybody said 243 00:11:39,334 --> 00:11:41,133 that might've led up to it. 244 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,826 I want to know. 245 00:11:43,862 --> 00:11:45,528 She had a party. 246 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,497 The one thing I told her not to do. 247 00:11:47,799 --> 00:11:49,182 It wasn't a party. 248 00:11:49,207 --> 00:11:51,273 Oh, it wasn't a party? 249 00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:52,874 Well, then you won't mind 250 00:11:52,899 --> 00:11:55,399 if I check the trash outside for evidence, huh? 251 00:11:56,207 --> 00:11:58,929 Huh? This house looks a little too clean. 252 00:11:58,954 --> 00:12:00,571 I've been living with your mother for a long time... 253 00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,011 Hey. 254 00:12:09,804 --> 00:12:11,637 Wait! 255 00:12:13,112 --> 00:12:16,192 Before you do that, I should tell you. 256 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,611 A neighbor came by... 257 00:12:18,646 --> 00:12:20,487 and he asked if he could 258 00:12:20,512 --> 00:12:23,680 dump his beer cans into our trash. 259 00:12:25,794 --> 00:12:28,321 And... then he said he was moving away 260 00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,271 so we'll never see him again. 261 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,378 Oh, Katie. 262 00:12:37,447 --> 00:12:39,664 Oh-ho-ho, Katie. 263 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,220 Okay, fine. There was a party. 264 00:12:44,255 --> 00:12:45,922 But I didn't drink anything. 265 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:48,174 And I only invited two girls over. 266 00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:50,527 The others heard about it and showed up. 267 00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:53,126 Which is exactly what I told you would happen 268 00:12:53,151 --> 00:12:56,536 and why I said you couldn't have anybody over. 269 00:12:59,197 --> 00:13:00,697 You're grounded. 270 00:13:00,849 --> 00:13:02,399 Grounded? 271 00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:05,481 Mom said I could! 272 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,030 What? I... 273 00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:17,262 Oh, Andi. 274 00:13:24,474 --> 00:13:25,523 What's up? 275 00:13:25,903 --> 00:13:27,924 That is an excellent question, Teddy. 276 00:13:27,949 --> 00:13:29,669 What is up? 277 00:13:30,791 --> 00:13:31,824 Teddy's scared. 278 00:13:31,849 --> 00:13:33,348 He wants to sleep in here with us. 279 00:13:33,373 --> 00:13:35,104 But we have a streak. 280 00:13:35,725 --> 00:13:38,026 Well, I guess the streak is over, honey. 281 00:13:39,273 --> 00:13:41,190 Teddy, let's go for a ride. 282 00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,817 Hey, munchkins. 283 00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,902 What a nice surprise. 284 00:13:50,870 --> 00:13:53,039 I see you, Donny. 285 00:13:53,378 --> 00:13:54,624 You went behind my back 286 00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,576 and decided to parent on your own. 287 00:13:56,578 --> 00:13:58,327 You went rogue. 288 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,079 You went rogue, too, 289 00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,171 when you let Teddy watch a scary movie. 290 00:14:02,196 --> 00:14:04,083 Wh... 291 00:14:04,617 --> 00:14:07,336 This is completely different. 292 00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:11,184 I explicitly said Katie couldn't have anybody over. 293 00:14:11,209 --> 00:14:14,815 And I explicitly said that Teddy shouldn't watch that movie. 294 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,424 Yeah, but I wasn't listening. 295 00:14:19,363 --> 00:14:22,441 Plus, Teddy is the only one in his class who hadn't seen it. 296 00:14:22,466 --> 00:14:23,300 I was right. 297 00:14:23,325 --> 00:14:25,708 - Well, I think I was right. - But you were wrong. 298 00:14:26,513 --> 00:14:28,668 I never told Kate to have a party. 299 00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:30,443 I just wanted her to make some friends. 300 00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:33,496 Oh, people were making friends, all right. 301 00:14:33,531 --> 00:14:36,816 Some teenager was stealing second base in our pantry! 302 00:14:37,346 --> 00:14:39,511 Where we keep our food. 303 00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:41,837 Contaminated, Andi! 304 00:14:48,546 --> 00:14:49,879 What's that? 305 00:14:50,194 --> 00:14:51,944 I signed Emme up for boxing. 306 00:14:51,969 --> 00:14:54,561 You said no, but since we're going rogue, 307 00:14:54,586 --> 00:14:55,968 I'm doing it anyway. 308 00:14:56,805 --> 00:14:59,460 - Oh. Fine with me. - Mm. 309 00:14:59,485 --> 00:15:01,842 I'll sign Teddy up for rhythmic gymnastics class. 310 00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,249 You know that's the Olympic event 311 00:15:03,274 --> 00:15:05,394 where they dance around twirling the ribbons. 312 00:15:06,048 --> 00:15:07,030 Great. 313 00:15:07,055 --> 00:15:09,949 Then I'll call the gym about Emme. Yeah. 314 00:15:09,984 --> 00:15:12,368 I can't wait to watch her spit a tooth into a bucket. 315 00:15:13,223 --> 00:15:14,338 Terrific. 316 00:15:14,363 --> 00:15:15,612 Good. Yep. 317 00:15:15,637 --> 00:15:17,703 You have your athlete, I have mine. 318 00:15:17,728 --> 00:15:19,778 See you at the Olympics. 319 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,645 Hey, we just came to drop off the kids. 320 00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:25,203 Why do you have Teddy and Emme? 321 00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:27,967 Uncle Don ding-dong-ditched us on their porch. 322 00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:31,525 It was awesome. We got Grandpa, like, four beers. 323 00:15:33,916 --> 00:15:35,391 Did we come at a bad time? 324 00:15:35,777 --> 00:15:37,694 I can always tell when a wife's mad. 325 00:15:38,095 --> 00:15:40,179 If you're fighting, we'll wait in the driveway. 326 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,862 We-we can hear everything from there. 327 00:15:42,887 --> 00:15:45,401 We're not fighting, we're having a disagreement. 328 00:15:45,436 --> 00:15:49,605 Oh, doesn't surprise me. We know all about your drought. 329 00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,558 Ma, that's not what this is about. 330 00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:56,682 Your daughter-in-law organized a teenage orgy in our pantry. 331 00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,914 Adam's just mad because I told Kate 332 00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:01,200 it was okay to have friends over, and a party happened. 333 00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:06,038 Oh, so what? You and Don always had parties when we left town. 334 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,340 What? No, we didn't. 335 00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:09,779 The hell you didn't! There were more beers 336 00:16:09,804 --> 00:16:12,429 in the fridge when we got home than when we left. 337 00:16:12,936 --> 00:16:15,715 That's because this weird neighbor 338 00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:17,600 would sometimes bring beers over 339 00:16:17,635 --> 00:16:20,202 and we would put them in the fridge for you. 340 00:16:20,561 --> 00:16:22,805 And then he moved away, so you can't ask him. 341 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:27,193 Was it Sal? Or Daryl? That seems like something he would do. 342 00:16:27,228 --> 00:16:29,362 He's making it up, Bev. 343 00:16:29,757 --> 00:16:31,622 The point is, Andi, 344 00:16:31,647 --> 00:16:33,566 we are supposed to parent together, 345 00:16:33,568 --> 00:16:36,318 - and she went rogue. - He went rogue first. 346 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:39,205 Well, that's a different story. Nobody likes that. 347 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,657 I had to lay down the law with your mother in '79 348 00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,032 - when she took you... - Don't you finish that sentence, Joe. 349 00:16:44,056 --> 00:16:45,088 You took Adam 350 00:16:45,113 --> 00:16:47,508 to get a perm after I told you not to. 351 00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:49,491 You're darn right I did. 352 00:16:49,516 --> 00:16:53,039 Oh, you looked like one of The Jackson 5. 353 00:16:53,171 --> 00:16:55,609 His hair was so big, a bird got stuck in it. 354 00:16:55,634 --> 00:16:58,539 Hold on, hold on, I have an important question. 355 00:16:59,906 --> 00:17:01,310 You had a perm? 356 00:17:01,641 --> 00:17:03,179 No. 357 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:07,066 Stop talking. This family talks too much. Goodbye. 358 00:17:07,101 --> 00:17:09,985 He wanted to express himself, and I supported him. 359 00:17:10,021 --> 00:17:11,437 No father should see his son 360 00:17:11,439 --> 00:17:14,940 under a beauty shop hair dryer reading Good Housekeeping. 361 00:17:22,356 --> 00:17:24,500 Can't believe a word they say. 362 00:17:25,895 --> 00:17:27,586 Well, it makes me feel better 363 00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:31,142 that we're not the first parents arguing about this stuff. 364 00:17:31,167 --> 00:17:34,919 It probably goes all the way back to the Old West. 365 00:17:37,158 --> 00:17:39,040 Ain't that right, Sheriff? 366 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:49,837 Well, I reckon so. 367 00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,278 Madam Prostitute. 368 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,529 I'm a pioneer woman. Sheesh. Let it go. 369 00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:01,954 Fine, fine, fine. 370 00:18:02,418 --> 00:18:04,108 Maybe for our anniversary. 371 00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:08,961 I... I'm sorry for going behind your back with Teddy. 372 00:18:09,225 --> 00:18:11,559 Me, too, with Kate. 373 00:18:11,584 --> 00:18:14,702 - Going rogue is a bad idea. - You're right. 374 00:18:14,727 --> 00:18:16,427 So we're not gonna do that anymore, right? 375 00:18:16,452 --> 00:18:17,832 Right. 376 00:18:24,442 --> 00:18:26,335 Well, there's hundreds of scary movies, 377 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,661 and I'm too afraid to watch them alone. 378 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:32,420 We'll go case by case. 379 00:18:33,151 --> 00:18:34,592 Fair enough. 380 00:18:35,606 --> 00:18:38,574 Hey, you got any pictures of you with that perm? 381 00:18:38,609 --> 00:18:40,359 No. No. 382 00:18:40,563 --> 00:18:43,233 No, I burned them all. 383 00:18:43,258 --> 00:18:46,790 That's too bad. You might get lucky if you did. 384 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,118 I know exactly where one is. 385 00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,865 Morning, fellas. 386 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,701 What a day, huh? 387 00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:07,948 Have you ever seen a sky that blue? 388 00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,776 Well, somebody sure has cheered up. 389 00:19:13,828 --> 00:19:15,675 Yeah, worked everything out. 390 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:17,006 Instead of grounding Katie, 391 00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:20,867 her punishment is Teddy has to sleep in her room. 392 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:26,539 So in the parents' room, well, 393 00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,320 let's just say 394 00:19:28,345 --> 00:19:31,377 there's a new sheriff in town. 395 00:19:32,891 --> 00:19:35,097 Yeah, well, my streak is over. 396 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:38,267 Marcy said choosing sex over family is a turnoff. 397 00:19:39,719 --> 00:19:42,141 And then she started listing all the other things I do 398 00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:44,249 that are turnoffs. 399 00:19:44,525 --> 00:19:46,976 It was a real bad night. 400 00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,247 Well, you have my sympathies. 401 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,190 As a single man, I understand how hard celibacy can be. 402 00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:54,558 Here. 403 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:55,976 Let me help you with that. 404 00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:02,940 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 405 00:20:02,965 --> 00:20:04,485 Take it easy, buddy. 406 00:20:06,655 --> 00:20:08,953 Some guys just can't handle a drought. 407 00:20:08,977 --> 00:20:11,017 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 407 00:20:12,305 --> 00:20:18,278 28844