All language subtitles for K.a.P.S03E09.Meagans.Fight.1080p.BluRay.DDP.5.1.H.265.-EDGE2020_iris2

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,882 --> 00:00:02,957 Hoo! Great hike today, buddy. 2 00:00:02,992 --> 00:00:04,861 I was coming up that last hill, 3 00:00:04,895 --> 00:00:07,166 And I turned around and you were nowhere to be found. 4 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,472 Mm-hmm. 5 00:00:08,506 --> 00:00:09,643 Thought I was gonna have to go back and get you. 6 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,680 Uh, at least we made it. 7 00:00:14,783 --> 00:00:18,953 Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, I talk in my sleep. 8 00:00:18,987 --> 00:00:21,124 - Oh. - Yeah, quite a bit, actually, 9 00:00:21,158 --> 00:00:24,696 So if it bothers you, just wake me up. 10 00:00:24,731 --> 00:00:26,932 - Okay, buddy. - Cool. 11 00:00:26,966 --> 00:00:29,968 - Good night. - Good night. 12 00:00:34,144 --> 00:00:37,414 Dick head. 13 00:00:37,449 --> 00:00:41,286 You stupid dick head. 14 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,690 "Hey, Jordan, oh, let's go camping, come on. 15 00:00:44,724 --> 00:00:46,825 "Oh, Jordan, keep hiking. We're almost there. 16 00:00:46,859 --> 00:00:49,027 "Oh, buddy." 17 00:00:49,062 --> 00:00:50,829 So much [bleep] energy. 18 00:00:50,863 --> 00:00:53,966 Just shove that clif bar up your ass, 19 00:00:54,001 --> 00:00:57,006 You bald [bleep]sucker. 20 00:00:59,011 --> 00:01:02,782 Jordan, Jordan. 21 00:01:02,816 --> 00:01:09,090 [bleep] you, Keegan... hyphen... Michael... Key. 22 00:01:09,124 --> 00:01:10,758 Jordan, wake up, 23 00:01:10,792 --> 00:01:13,262 - you're talking in your sleep. - Not asleep yet. 24 00:01:35,587 --> 00:01:37,221 - Oh! - Whoa. 25 00:01:41,761 --> 00:01:43,962 - Muay thai. - Muay thai, muay thai. 26 00:01:46,399 --> 00:01:48,100 - Thank you, thank you. - Thank you. 27 00:01:48,134 --> 00:01:51,138 You guys are awesome! 28 00:01:51,172 --> 00:01:53,540 Thank you so much. I am Keegan-Michael Key. 29 00:01:53,575 --> 00:01:55,342 - I'm Jordan Peele. - And we are Key and Peele. 30 00:01:55,377 --> 00:01:58,279 Yeah, so... 31 00:01:58,313 --> 00:01:59,847 Thank you. 32 00:01:59,882 --> 00:02:02,617 Uh, ladies, are you-- how you doing tonight? 33 00:02:04,821 --> 00:02:07,189 You're good. They're good. 34 00:02:07,223 --> 00:02:08,691 Every lady I've ever dated 35 00:02:08,725 --> 00:02:11,393 somehow gets the impression I can fight. 36 00:02:11,427 --> 00:02:13,728 Oh, that's-- that's bad news right off the bat. 37 00:02:13,762 --> 00:02:15,996 - That's bad news. - 'cause he cannot, yes. 38 00:02:16,031 --> 00:02:17,497 - I can--well-- - Nor can I. 39 00:02:17,532 --> 00:02:19,866 If I guy says something disrespectful 40 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:21,533 to a lady that I'm with, 41 00:02:21,568 --> 00:02:23,068 I'll just pretend like I didn't-- 42 00:02:23,102 --> 00:02:25,936 - I-I went blind. - Somehow you didn't hear it? 43 00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,437 - Oh, man. - Did you hear that? 44 00:02:27,472 --> 00:02:28,471 - I didn't--sss-- - Did you hear what he just 45 00:02:28,506 --> 00:02:29,940 - said to me right here? - I just had 46 00:02:29,974 --> 00:02:33,142 temporary blind- and deafness. I don't know what's-- 47 00:02:33,177 --> 00:02:34,476 - He was standing right here. - He said that? 48 00:02:34,511 --> 00:02:35,811 He was standing right here, calling me a-- 49 00:02:35,845 --> 00:02:38,546 Where he at, where he at? He left? 50 00:02:38,581 --> 00:02:40,448 - See. aw, man. - No, he right here. 51 00:02:40,482 --> 00:02:41,648 - He right here. - No, I don't know 52 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:42,816 where you pointing. I don't know what-- 53 00:02:42,850 --> 00:02:45,552 No, he's right-- he's right here. 54 00:02:45,586 --> 00:02:46,953 He's listening to you talk right now. 55 00:02:46,987 --> 00:02:48,387 - Step to me! - No, no. 56 00:02:48,422 --> 00:02:50,222 - Show yourself! - This way. He's-- 57 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,258 - It ain't happening. - He's right here. 58 00:02:52,292 --> 00:02:54,260 He is right-- He is right-- 59 00:02:54,295 --> 00:02:55,929 - Baby, baby, baby. - Oh, well-- 60 00:03:02,401 --> 00:03:05,569 - Can you totally chill out? - No, I'm so annoyed right now. 61 00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,437 Can you, like, not talk to me for, like, a second? 62 00:03:07,472 --> 00:03:09,506 Like, that'd be great. That'd be fine. 63 00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:10,974 That'd be fine by me. 64 00:03:11,009 --> 00:03:13,143 What? Oh, my God, are you serious? 65 00:03:13,178 --> 00:03:15,312 This is bull[bleep]. What could possibly 66 00:03:15,347 --> 00:03:17,548 be the problem with letting two more people in? 67 00:03:17,582 --> 00:03:19,418 Check your girl, bro. 68 00:03:19,452 --> 00:03:21,253 - I'm sorry. - Excuse me, what did you say? 69 00:03:21,287 --> 00:03:23,689 "Check your girl"? Uh-uhh, It doesn't work like that. 70 00:03:23,723 --> 00:03:25,724 No one checks me because I'm not luggage. 71 00:03:25,758 --> 00:03:30,397 Okay? So you can go [bleep] yoursee-elf. 72 00:03:30,431 --> 00:03:32,299 Meegan, seriously, 73 00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,534 Two more people are gonna come out in a couple of seconds, 74 00:03:34,569 --> 00:03:35,835 and then we can go in. 75 00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:37,337 No! Let me ask you a question. 76 00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:38,939 What was it like being in The Green Mile? 77 00:03:38,973 --> 00:03:40,974 He wasn't in The Green Mile! 78 00:03:41,009 --> 00:03:42,409 He clearly wasn't in that movie. 79 00:03:42,444 --> 00:03:44,279 What does Tom Hanks's penis feel like? 80 00:03:44,313 --> 00:03:46,381 - Meegan! - Moreover, how does it feel 81 00:03:46,415 --> 00:03:48,683 when swarms of bees are coming out of your face? 82 00:03:48,718 --> 00:03:50,585 Seriously, I'm sorry. It's, like, her favorite movie. 83 00:03:50,619 --> 00:03:51,819 Don't apologize for me! 84 00:03:51,854 --> 00:03:53,221 Yeah, this is nice, this is nice. 85 00:03:53,255 --> 00:03:55,456 You look like Common meets The Incredible Hulk. 86 00:03:55,491 --> 00:03:56,691 - Meegan-- - When you brought 87 00:03:56,725 --> 00:03:58,494 the frankincense to Baby Jesus, Did they, like... 88 00:03:58,528 --> 00:04:00,429 - Oh. - make you stand 89 00:04:00,463 --> 00:04:01,930 outside the barn because you were too big, 90 00:04:01,965 --> 00:04:04,633 or did they invite you in with all the other animals? 91 00:04:04,668 --> 00:04:06,001 Don't flare your nostrils at me, 92 00:04:06,036 --> 00:04:07,769 - okay? - He's-- 93 00:04:07,804 --> 00:04:09,304 Do you have any idea how impolite that is? 94 00:04:09,339 --> 00:04:13,776 He hasn't moved his nostrils once since we got here. 95 00:04:13,811 --> 00:04:16,112 - I saw them move! - They did not move, Meegan. 96 00:04:16,147 --> 00:04:17,180 They flared! 97 00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:18,915 Meegan, they [bleep] did not move! 98 00:04:18,949 --> 00:04:22,985 Your nostrils flared more than a survivor from a boat accident. 99 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:24,254 What? 100 00:04:24,288 --> 00:04:25,255 He's not even looking me in the eyes. 101 00:04:25,289 --> 00:04:26,656 Okay, you know what? 102 00:04:26,690 --> 00:04:29,125 If you're just going to continue to be a little prick, 103 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,227 you're gonna get your ass kicked. 104 00:04:31,262 --> 00:04:33,830 Don't touch him, Mee-- Meegan. 105 00:04:33,864 --> 00:04:36,232 Crazy bitch. 106 00:04:46,043 --> 00:04:47,777 Oh! 107 00:04:47,812 --> 00:04:50,280 I totally love my nails right now. 108 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,017 I'm so over everything right now, 109 00:04:54,051 --> 00:04:56,752 over the floor, I'm over the sky, I'm over you, 110 00:04:56,786 --> 00:04:58,186 over that pussy back there. 111 00:04:58,221 --> 00:04:59,888 You're a pussy! 112 00:04:59,923 --> 00:05:01,690 - Meegan, seriously. - Whatever. 113 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:04,794 Nice legs, little lady. 114 00:05:04,828 --> 00:05:07,897 Um, excuse me? 115 00:05:07,931 --> 00:05:09,665 Oh, God! 116 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,267 Hey, what did you say? 117 00:05:11,301 --> 00:05:14,370 What the [bleep] did you just say? 118 00:05:14,404 --> 00:05:18,540 You guys come back here with your little itty-bitty dicks. 119 00:05:21,177 --> 00:05:22,811 You best control your lady. 120 00:05:22,845 --> 00:05:24,446 - Yup. - Excuse-- 121 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:27,883 "Control your lady"? No, he doesn't control me, 122 00:05:27,917 --> 00:05:30,719 'cause let me tell you something, I'm not a remote. 123 00:05:30,753 --> 00:05:33,455 Meegan, baby, can we just let this go? 124 00:05:33,489 --> 00:05:35,590 No, I'm talking to the Pussies of Anarchy right now. 125 00:05:35,625 --> 00:05:37,092 - Oh, boy. - Yeah, you. 126 00:05:37,126 --> 00:05:39,327 Why don't you all gather yourselves, 127 00:05:39,362 --> 00:05:41,496 and why don't you just go and figure out a way 128 00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:44,699 to [bleep] on each other's leathery peni. 129 00:05:44,734 --> 00:05:46,702 Hey, [bleep] you, bitch! 130 00:05:46,736 --> 00:05:49,738 -Oh, no. 131 00:05:56,246 --> 00:05:59,348 It's not even the plural of "penis." 132 00:05:59,382 --> 00:06:00,349 Yeah! 133 00:06:01,551 --> 00:06:05,687 I'm the queen of the world! 134 00:06:05,722 --> 00:06:08,423 Yes! I feel invincible! 135 00:06:08,458 --> 00:06:11,760 Like I have super powers or something. Ha ha! 136 00:06:11,795 --> 00:06:14,163 You hear that, all you [bleep] of the world? 137 00:06:14,198 --> 00:06:17,000 I can do anything I want, and no one can stop me. 138 00:06:17,034 --> 00:06:19,068 Because you don't have to fight your own fights, 139 00:06:19,103 --> 00:06:20,804 you crazy bitch! 140 00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:23,473 Oh, boy. 141 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:26,977 Oh, no. 142 00:06:30,881 --> 00:06:33,984 Ugh! Oh. 143 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,486 Nothing can stop me! 144 00:06:37,488 --> 00:06:38,488 Action. 145 00:06:38,522 --> 00:06:39,823 Hey, have you ever found yourself 146 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:42,492 in High Point, North Carolina, and not feeling safe? 147 00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:46,429 Come on down to Doug Duggart's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. 148 00:06:46,464 --> 00:06:48,564 You will learn to tackle and grapple, 149 00:06:48,599 --> 00:06:50,366 And-- 150 00:06:53,003 --> 00:06:55,037 like a ultimate fighting pro. 151 00:06:55,071 --> 00:06:57,304 At my studio, you get hands-on training, 152 00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:00,741 and individual attention. 153 00:07:00,775 --> 00:07:04,944 So hut! Hut! 154 00:07:04,978 --> 00:07:06,645 Tackle and grapple. 155 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,247 Take on multiple enemies. 156 00:07:09,281 --> 00:07:12,249 This is a tackle. That's a grapple. 157 00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:14,250 This is a tackle. 158 00:07:14,285 --> 00:07:15,818 That's a grapple. 159 00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,385 Get-- There we go. 160 00:07:19,287 --> 00:07:20,654 Tackle and grapple! 161 00:07:20,688 --> 00:07:24,691 All ages, learn to protect yourself and your loved ones. 162 00:07:30,330 --> 00:07:32,464 There are many different levels. 163 00:07:32,498 --> 00:07:33,998 There's the beginner level, 164 00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:37,868 and if you pass my private one-on-one sensei trial, 165 00:07:37,902 --> 00:07:41,137 you may make it into the advanced class. 166 00:07:41,172 --> 00:07:42,304 Tackle and grapple! 167 00:07:42,339 --> 00:07:43,906 Doug Duggart's Brazilian Jiu Jitsu 168 00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:46,107 at the High Point mini mall. Just east of the pizza barn 169 00:07:46,142 --> 00:07:48,777 two doors down from Carl's Discount Wheels and Furniture. 170 00:07:48,811 --> 00:07:50,278 So-- quick tackle! Get down. 171 00:07:54,451 --> 00:07:55,985 No, stay-- stay away. 172 00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:57,987 Special discounts for college students. 173 00:07:58,021 --> 00:07:59,622 S-- Mm, move it. Get your leg back. 174 00:08:00,824 --> 00:08:04,159 Put your leg back there. 175 00:08:09,415 --> 00:08:10,949 There's an elevator etiquette, 176 00:08:10,983 --> 00:08:12,917 and people gotta be following this etiquette. 177 00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:16,086 When I get on an elevator and I press six 178 00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:18,749 and the light lights up, and you get in the elevator, 179 00:08:18,783 --> 00:08:21,218 if you're going to six and you see the light's lit up, 180 00:08:21,252 --> 00:08:23,353 don't [bleep] touch the button. 181 00:08:23,387 --> 00:08:25,788 Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit diddle-diddle-dit 182 00:08:25,823 --> 00:08:28,124 dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit diddle-diddle-dit. 183 00:08:28,158 --> 00:08:29,425 What are you doing, Morse code up in here? 184 00:08:29,460 --> 00:08:30,927 Yeah, that's right, man, I'm sending-- 185 00:08:30,961 --> 00:08:32,095 sending a telegram. 186 00:08:32,129 --> 00:08:33,462 Sometimes it makes the doors go faster. 187 00:08:33,497 --> 00:08:34,463 - Oh, yeah? - You want to really 188 00:08:34,498 --> 00:08:35,731 - get it going... - Uh-huh. 189 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,300 - You gotta warm it up. - Yeah, yeah. 190 00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:38,401 - Dit-dit-dit-dit-dit-dit. - Yeah. yeah, 191 00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:39,603 The doors have not yet closed, sir. 192 00:08:39,637 --> 00:08:41,138 Every elevator's different, man. 193 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:44,741 I'm a elevator whisperer, really, is what I am. 194 00:08:44,776 --> 00:08:47,645 This one needs a little care, needs a little tender-- 195 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:49,547 tender TLC. Come on, baby. 196 00:08:49,581 --> 00:08:51,082 What's-- 197 00:08:51,116 --> 00:08:54,485 Come on, baby. Let's get it going. 198 00:08:54,519 --> 00:08:56,286 Let's get it going. 199 00:08:56,321 --> 00:08:57,788 She's not responding to you. 200 00:08:57,822 --> 00:08:59,990 You know, I'm just-- just gonna take the next one. 201 00:09:00,024 --> 00:09:02,026 Yeah, all right, all right. 202 00:09:07,097 --> 00:09:09,265 Uh, I actually pressed it already. 203 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,302 - Mmm? - The walk button, I pressed it. 204 00:09:18,574 --> 00:09:20,208 Couldn't hurt to press it again. 205 00:09:20,242 --> 00:09:21,409 But it won't help. 206 00:09:21,444 --> 00:09:24,346 I mean, I pressed it already, right? 207 00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:26,349 It's already done. 208 00:09:26,383 --> 00:09:28,150 You don't think I didn't press it? 209 00:09:28,185 --> 00:09:30,453 No, I wasn't saying that. 210 00:09:30,488 --> 00:09:33,590 Good, 'cause I most certainly did press it. 211 00:09:33,625 --> 00:09:36,627 Just have to wait for it to change. 212 00:09:42,266 --> 00:09:44,235 So I'm, like, late for work, 213 00:09:44,269 --> 00:09:46,203 So I'm just-- just gonna press it. 214 00:09:46,238 --> 00:09:49,207 What for? Why would you do something that's already done? 215 00:09:49,241 --> 00:09:54,913 I mean, I just think that that's crazy, right? 216 00:09:54,947 --> 00:09:57,048 - I dunno. - You wouldn't suit up 217 00:09:57,082 --> 00:10:00,451 and try to kill Bin Laden again. It's done. 218 00:10:00,485 --> 00:10:05,489 I have killed the Bin laden of pressing this button. 219 00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:07,825 How long ago did you press it? 220 00:10:07,859 --> 00:10:10,428 What do you think, I've been standing here for days? 221 00:10:10,462 --> 00:10:11,729 - I-- - I just pressed it 222 00:10:11,763 --> 00:10:13,364 right as you walked up. 223 00:10:13,399 --> 00:10:14,799 Are you sure you pressed it? 224 00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:17,135 Am I sure I pressed it? It's--how could I miss it? 225 00:10:17,169 --> 00:10:19,504 Rats know how to press buttons. 226 00:10:19,538 --> 00:10:20,905 Do you think I'm dumber than a rat? 227 00:10:20,939 --> 00:10:23,875 No. No, nobody's saying anything like that, man. 228 00:10:23,909 --> 00:10:26,911 It's gonna change. Just--just wait. 229 00:10:26,945 --> 00:10:29,280 It's because I pressed it already. 230 00:10:29,314 --> 00:10:32,116 Okay, no offense. I'm just gonna press it. 231 00:10:32,150 --> 00:10:34,319 What would you do that for? This is precision equipment 232 00:10:34,353 --> 00:10:36,488 Designed by people with engineering degrees. 233 00:10:36,522 --> 00:10:37,623 It will work. 234 00:10:37,657 --> 00:10:40,259 I pressed it, sir! I pressed the button! 235 00:10:40,293 --> 00:10:41,894 While we've been standing here, 236 00:10:41,928 --> 00:10:44,463 the light cycle has gone by twice, okay? 237 00:10:44,497 --> 00:10:46,298 I'm not saying you didn't press it. 238 00:10:46,332 --> 00:10:47,499 I'm just saying maybe it didn't work! 239 00:10:47,534 --> 00:10:48,734 If it didn't work for me, 240 00:10:48,768 --> 00:10:51,370 why in the world would it work for you? 241 00:10:51,404 --> 00:10:55,307 You think that it would change faster if you pressed it? 242 00:10:55,342 --> 00:10:57,276 You think the light doesn't like me, or something, 243 00:10:57,310 --> 00:11:00,479 or do you think that this particular button was designed 244 00:11:00,514 --> 00:11:01,714 so that it only works 245 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,649 after the second time that it's been pressed? 246 00:11:03,684 --> 00:11:06,452 'cause that's lunacy, okay? Do you understand? 247 00:11:06,487 --> 00:11:09,722 Do not cut my balls off on this one, okay? 248 00:11:09,757 --> 00:11:14,293 Please, do not press the button... 249 00:11:14,328 --> 00:11:15,461 again. 250 00:11:15,496 --> 00:11:19,833 Okay, fine! We'll just stand here! 251 00:11:19,867 --> 00:11:23,570 Thank you. 252 00:11:23,604 --> 00:11:25,639 - What? - Hey, no! 253 00:11:25,673 --> 00:11:27,641 Oh! oh! 254 00:11:27,675 --> 00:11:30,443 Told you shouldn't have pressed the button. 255 00:11:30,478 --> 00:11:32,678 Told him not to do that. 256 00:11:32,712 --> 00:11:35,712 No, actually, I already pressed the button, sir. 257 00:11:39,648 --> 00:11:42,116 All right, fellas, Coming to the stage next 258 00:11:42,150 --> 00:11:44,551 is the beautiful Galaxy. 259 00:11:44,586 --> 00:11:47,755 - Hey, baby. - Hey, baby. 260 00:11:50,259 --> 00:11:52,260 Oh. 261 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,831 Gon' be for you. 262 00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:58,099 You can keep it. 263 00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,901 There's more where that came from too. 264 00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:01,904 Trust me. 265 00:12:03,406 --> 00:12:06,041 There's my girl. Oh, damn. 266 00:12:06,075 --> 00:12:08,510 I'm straight up talkin' 'bout some Darryl Dawkins right here, 267 00:12:08,544 --> 00:12:09,511 Because this some chocolate thunder. 268 00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:11,413 What, girl? Make it rain! 269 00:12:11,447 --> 00:12:13,114 Yeah. 270 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,617 - Oh, yeah, girl. - I try to make it last! 271 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,322 What-- 272 00:12:20,356 --> 00:12:21,690 All right, girl, mmm. 273 00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:23,692 Sha-pam! I'ma get it right in the booty right there. 274 00:12:23,727 --> 00:12:25,060 Uh, and booty-swam! 275 00:12:25,095 --> 00:12:26,595 That's what you call a booty investment. 276 00:12:26,630 --> 00:12:28,264 Sha-blam! 277 00:12:28,298 --> 00:12:31,400 But you really don't need to give 'em that much. 278 00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:32,935 I don't think they're expecting all that. 279 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:34,903 Whoo! 280 00:12:34,938 --> 00:12:36,772 It's kind of like feeding a squirrel, you know? 281 00:12:36,806 --> 00:12:38,840 I mean, they will come back to you, so-- 282 00:12:38,874 --> 00:12:41,042 Oh, oh, oh, my gosh. Some of this is getting lost. 283 00:12:41,077 --> 00:12:42,277 Let's get it right where it needs to be. 284 00:12:42,311 --> 00:12:45,046 - Right in there, baby. oh, yeah. - Keep it classy. 285 00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:46,848 - Ha ha ha! - Keep it classy. 286 00:12:46,882 --> 00:12:48,349 Oh, [bleep], somebody better get a umbrella, 287 00:12:48,384 --> 00:12:49,684 'cause I can't stop making it rain. 288 00:12:49,718 --> 00:12:51,219 It's like Noah's flood up in here. 289 00:12:51,253 --> 00:12:55,256 Whoo, two by two, baby. Two by two! Ha ha! 290 00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:56,991 Baby, you don't know that I'm the General, 291 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,261 'cause it's Stormin' Norman. That's what they be calling me. 292 00:13:07,236 --> 00:13:08,803 - Ahh. - Damn. 293 00:13:08,838 --> 00:13:11,406 Anyway, like I said, when you finish training, 294 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,241 we'll get Scotty Musso up in here. 295 00:13:13,275 --> 00:13:15,610 That [bleep] can train a boxer. 296 00:13:22,117 --> 00:13:25,119 Ooh, Lord have mercy. 297 00:13:25,153 --> 00:13:26,687 You don't know nothing about this. 298 00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:28,789 Make it rain! 299 00:13:28,823 --> 00:13:30,324 - Aah! - What the-- 300 00:13:30,358 --> 00:13:31,758 Are you an idiot? 301 00:13:31,793 --> 00:13:34,594 Leon, get this guy outta here. 302 00:13:34,628 --> 00:13:37,530 All right, nobody move! There he is. 303 00:13:37,565 --> 00:13:38,598 There who is? 304 00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:40,100 - You, on your feet! - What? 305 00:13:40,135 --> 00:13:42,736 - On your feet. - What I do? 306 00:13:42,770 --> 00:13:45,171 You're under arrest for photocopying money. 307 00:13:45,206 --> 00:13:47,207 Oh, goddamn it! 308 00:13:47,241 --> 00:13:50,010 You know how long it took me to cut all that out? 309 00:13:50,044 --> 00:13:52,746 I got carpal tunnel syndrome up in this bitch, 310 00:13:52,780 --> 00:13:54,848 calluses on the inside of my thumbs. 311 00:13:54,882 --> 00:13:56,516 That's definitely real, though. 312 00:14:00,801 --> 00:14:03,569 Remember the character that Laurence Fishburne played 313 00:14:03,604 --> 00:14:06,038 in Boyz N the Hood? Furious, right? 314 00:14:06,072 --> 00:14:09,742 We love those characters who are--like, the older dudes 315 00:14:09,776 --> 00:14:11,244 who just have to be spouting advice 316 00:14:11,278 --> 00:14:12,712 to everybody in the movie. 317 00:14:12,746 --> 00:14:17,617 Dude walking around with some sort of food in his hand. 318 00:14:17,651 --> 00:14:19,652 Want a lemonhead, son? You want a lemonhead? 319 00:14:19,687 --> 00:14:23,456 You want a lemonhead, son? Want a lemonhead? 320 00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:26,159 I got corn nuts in this hand, lemonheads in this hand. 321 00:14:28,196 --> 00:14:30,230 Which one you want? 322 00:14:30,265 --> 00:14:31,566 The funny thing about those dudes, 323 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,735 those dudes, they're never, like, in their 70s. 324 00:14:33,769 --> 00:14:35,670 They were always, like, in their 40s or 50s. 325 00:14:35,704 --> 00:14:36,804 - Mm-hmm. - [bleep], why is you-- 326 00:14:36,838 --> 00:14:39,206 - why don't you have a job? - Yeah. 327 00:14:39,241 --> 00:14:41,175 - How are you giving me advice? - Where is your job? 328 00:14:41,209 --> 00:14:42,576 He's just, like, you know, sitting on-- 329 00:14:42,611 --> 00:14:44,845 Boy, you need to get out there and get yourself employed, 330 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,480 - so something with your life. - Mm-hmm. 331 00:14:46,515 --> 00:14:48,583 'cause I ain't got time for no monkey business. 332 00:14:48,617 --> 00:14:49,784 Mm-hmm. 333 00:14:49,818 --> 00:14:52,052 And what do you do for a living, sir? 334 00:14:52,087 --> 00:14:55,488 L-- Advise. 335 00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:07,532 Mm, brothers, brothers, brothers, 336 00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:12,004 see, when are we gon' think of ourselves as more than this? 337 00:15:13,673 --> 00:15:15,774 What y'all doing, y'all rollin'? huh? 338 00:15:16,910 --> 00:15:18,777 Flippin'? Stoopin'? 339 00:15:18,811 --> 00:15:20,545 Boxin'? Maxin'? 340 00:15:20,579 --> 00:15:22,080 Chaxin'? 341 00:15:22,114 --> 00:15:24,382 I used to stoop. Oh, yeah. 342 00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:26,718 I used to flip, roll, you know, whatever you want to call it. 343 00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:28,887 Me and my crew, 344 00:15:28,921 --> 00:15:33,492 we would get into activity, much like yourselves. 345 00:15:33,527 --> 00:15:36,729 You see, the problem was, we were only perpetuating 346 00:15:36,763 --> 00:15:39,899 the stereotype the system already assumes about us. 347 00:15:39,933 --> 00:15:42,801 Mm. You see, we need to 348 00:15:42,836 --> 00:15:46,071 stop feeding into the preconceived notions 349 00:15:46,106 --> 00:15:47,573 that we are all-- 350 00:15:47,607 --> 00:15:51,176 Great job, you guys. You really work hard today. 351 00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:55,881 I wish I could pay you more, but you know how it is. 352 00:15:55,916 --> 00:15:59,252 Eh--who are you, huh? What do you want? 353 00:15:59,287 --> 00:16:02,823 I-I don't know. 354 00:16:02,857 --> 00:16:04,357 As you were. 355 00:16:04,392 --> 00:16:06,459 As you were what, smart guy? 356 00:16:11,465 --> 00:16:16,069 Mmm. Oh, ho. Brothers, brothers, brothers, 357 00:16:16,103 --> 00:16:19,540 Look at yourselves. Pants hangin' off your ass, 358 00:16:19,574 --> 00:16:21,375 Looking like a couple of clowns-- 359 00:16:21,409 --> 00:16:25,245 which you are. okay, Enjoy the birthday celebration. 360 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,447 Gimme your [bleep] money, Bitch! 361 00:16:26,481 --> 00:16:27,715 - No! No! - I said, 362 00:16:27,749 --> 00:16:30,117 - gimme your [bleep] money, bitch! - Oh! Oh! 363 00:16:30,152 --> 00:16:32,586 Brother, brother, brother. 364 00:16:32,621 --> 00:16:36,190 Sir, everybody in this self-defense class 365 00:16:36,225 --> 00:16:38,159 has already paid to participate. 366 00:16:38,193 --> 00:16:41,127 If you're interested, you can sign up online. 367 00:16:42,929 --> 00:16:44,363 - I'm interested. - Good. 368 00:16:44,397 --> 00:16:46,097 That's why I came over here. I'm interested. 369 00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,464 I'm gon' think about it. 370 00:16:47,498 --> 00:16:50,499 - I'm interested. - Thank you, sir. 371 00:16:50,533 --> 00:16:53,134 Now, ladies, it's gon' get really intense today, 372 00:16:53,169 --> 00:16:54,435 no matter what happens. 373 00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:57,271 I will be groping your breastasies 374 00:16:57,305 --> 00:16:59,105 as if you were being attacked like a real attacker. 375 00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:03,742 Brother, brother, my brother. Now, I was watching you. 376 00:17:03,776 --> 00:17:08,412 Now, you older brothers need to break the stereotype 377 00:17:08,446 --> 00:17:11,047 and stop being so preachy. 378 00:17:11,081 --> 00:17:12,281 - You know what? - Mm? 379 00:17:12,316 --> 00:17:13,415 - I'm preachy? - Mm. 380 00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,782 Come on. 381 00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:18,151 You preachy, man. Plus, you older than me. 382 00:17:18,185 --> 00:17:21,987 I'm nine years old. I got Benjamin Button's disease. 383 00:17:22,021 --> 00:17:26,023 S-- I'm done. I'm done. 384 00:17:31,128 --> 00:17:33,228 "Oh, nature's gonna be so great once we get--" 385 00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:37,430 Shove nature up your ass, you bald [bleep]sucker. 386 00:17:37,464 --> 00:17:41,599 And by "bald [bleep]sucker," I mean you suck bald [bleep]. 387 00:17:41,633 --> 00:17:42,633 Still awake. 388 00:17:47,474 --> 00:17:49,675 Do you guys-- do you guys like funk music? 389 00:17:49,709 --> 00:17:50,743 Yeah. 390 00:17:50,777 --> 00:17:51,911 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 391 00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:53,813 I tell you, funk music is a real testament 392 00:17:53,847 --> 00:17:55,782 to what a big group of people can do 393 00:17:55,816 --> 00:17:57,651 - when they take acid together. - Yes. 394 00:17:57,685 --> 00:18:01,188 It's really... It's just fantastic. 395 00:18:01,222 --> 00:18:03,456 It looks like a Halloween party for kids 396 00:18:03,490 --> 00:18:05,291 - when the parents was just drunk. - Yeah, right, exactly. 397 00:18:05,325 --> 00:18:06,392 It's like, "I don't know, just put some [bleep] on." 398 00:18:06,427 --> 00:18:07,760 "I don't--put this on and just-- blip! 399 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,429 "Just stick on that in the head 400 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,232 - "and wear nothing but a diaper." - Yeah, you know. 401 00:18:12,266 --> 00:18:14,300 And the funny thing is, the lyrics are just kind of 402 00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:17,070 a combination of some mode of transportation... 403 00:18:17,104 --> 00:18:19,239 - Mm-hmm. - a food, 404 00:18:19,273 --> 00:18:20,507 - and an animal. - Mm-hmm. 405 00:18:20,541 --> 00:18:24,912 ♪ Intergalactic hang glider with a dog ♪ 406 00:18:24,946 --> 00:18:26,379 Mm-hmm. 407 00:18:26,414 --> 00:18:28,314 - And just get it in there. - Yeah. 408 00:18:28,348 --> 00:18:32,851 ♪ Ostrich farm vanilla puddin' Give it to me, y'all ♪ 409 00:18:32,885 --> 00:18:34,019 Right? 410 00:18:34,053 --> 00:18:35,120 That's it. 411 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:36,288 Might've made too much sense there. 412 00:18:36,322 --> 00:18:37,689 Yeah, might have made too much sense, yeah. 413 00:18:37,724 --> 00:18:39,124 It might've made-- like, "No, that's not funky, 414 00:18:39,158 --> 00:18:40,659 ''cause I knew what the [bleep] he was talking about." 415 00:18:40,693 --> 00:18:41,860 I knew what that meant. 416 00:18:52,205 --> 00:18:57,010 ♪ Got a pocket full of funky with a peppermint twist ♪ 417 00:18:57,044 --> 00:19:02,549 ♪ She's a cool, shifty mama blastin' off on the flip ♪ 418 00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:07,354 ♪ Iridescent pork belly galactic super train ♪ 419 00:19:07,388 --> 00:19:11,958 ♪ Mama sister playground with a straw daddy cane ♪ 420 00:19:11,993 --> 00:19:13,427 ♪ Uh-huh 421 00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:17,831 - ♪ Gotta get it up - ♪ Hey 422 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,334 - ♪ Gotta get it on - ♪ Uh 423 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,836 - ♪ Gotta get it down - ♪ Hey 424 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,938 ♪ Gotta make it strong 425 00:19:24,972 --> 00:19:30,543 ♪ Got that quick dip crayon earthquake jet pack on a bun ♪ 426 00:19:30,578 --> 00:19:34,247 ♪ Locomotive supernova Spanish Harlem sun ♪ 427 00:19:34,281 --> 00:19:35,815 ♪ Yeah 428 00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:40,454 ♪ Slick crawfish solar blast with a phosphorescent brain ♪ 429 00:19:40,488 --> 00:19:45,726 ♪ Who's that mama squat town? Deep fried Detroit soda train ♪ 430 00:19:45,761 --> 00:19:47,995 ♪ Gotta shake it up 431 00:19:48,030 --> 00:19:50,831 ♪ Gotta move it in 432 00:19:50,865 --> 00:19:53,233 ♪ Gotta put it down 433 00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:55,469 ♪ You gotta make it swim 434 00:19:55,503 --> 00:20:00,841 ♪ Nebulatic comets sanitation disease ♪ 435 00:20:00,875 --> 00:20:04,778 ♪ Quick play tornado rip and tickle beef sneeze ♪ 436 00:20:04,813 --> 00:20:06,247 ♪ Hey 437 00:20:06,281 --> 00:20:10,717 ♪ Ships planets justice cannons, cables, and trees ♪ 438 00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:15,154 ♪ Soctor's office penguin shillings, railroads, and peas ♪ 439 00:20:15,189 --> 00:20:18,724 ♪ I said crippled donkey Mel Brooks book train ♪ 440 00:20:18,758 --> 00:20:20,893 ♪ Bats on my knees 441 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:25,632 ♪ Penicillin trapdoor laser currency beans ♪ 442 00:20:25,666 --> 00:20:31,671 ♪ He say penicillin trapdoor laser currency beans ♪ 443 00:20:31,705 --> 00:20:33,572 Hey, what the hell are we saying, man? 444 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,341 I got no idea, man. I'm just hungry 445 00:20:35,375 --> 00:20:37,510 and talking about the galaxy and trash. 446 00:20:37,544 --> 00:20:39,178 I think they buying it, though. 447 00:20:46,387 --> 00:20:47,387 - Tackle and grapple-- No? - Tackle and grap! 448 00:20:47,421 --> 00:20:48,788 - We tackle and grapple. - You want we go 449 00:20:48,822 --> 00:20:49,922 - tackle and grapple? - Gonna go tackle and grap. 450 00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:51,090 Tackle-- look at these. Tackle and grapple! 451 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,192 - No, no, no. - Tackle and grapple. 452 00:20:52,226 --> 00:20:53,260 No, no, no, no, no, no. 453 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:54,694 Good night, everybody. Good night. 454 00:20:54,729 --> 00:20:55,962 - Tackle and grapple. - You stay there. 455 00:20:55,997 --> 00:20:57,564 - Man. - Tackle. 456 00:20:57,598 --> 00:21:00,566 ♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪ 457 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,601 Oh, yeah. 34184

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