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1
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♪ Struggle in da house ♪
2
00:00:02,601 --> 00:00:05,754
♪ Using words and rhymes
to get through hard times ♪
3
00:00:06,004 --> 00:00:07,722
♪ Yeah
Come on ♪
4
00:00:11,721 --> 00:00:14,401
♪ I came from the streets
with nothing in my pockets ♪
5
00:00:14,484 --> 00:00:17,047
♪ No food, no boots,
no power in the sockets ♪
6
00:00:17,075 --> 00:00:19,779
♪ Each battle I fight
a role model and a teacher ♪
7
00:00:19,779 --> 00:00:23,114
♪ Hip-hop my church
Every rapper a preacher ♪
8
00:00:24,045 --> 00:00:26,702
♪ I preach from my ass,
my fart is my sermount ♪
9
00:00:26,758 --> 00:00:29,380
♪ The church is your mouth,
where I shout my Holy sperm in ♪
10
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,880
♪ You can take your role models,
roll 'em up my meat ♪
11
00:00:31,908 --> 00:00:34,501
♪ Bitches always on the menu
when I go out to eat ♪
12
00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:45,120
♪ But everywhere we go,
we don't forget the struggles, son ♪
13
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,848
♪ Black woman, two jobs, two kids,
too tired to juggle them ♪
14
00:00:48,126 --> 00:00:50,622
♪ Juggle 'em, juggle 'em,
jiggity, jiggity juggle 'em ♪
15
00:00:50,678 --> 00:00:53,171
♪ Yum, yum, yummy,
Titty titties in my tummy, yum ♪
16
00:00:58,782 --> 00:01:01,222
♪ Titties in my mouth,
I got titties in my mouth ♪
17
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,976
♪ I got tig ol' bitties from
a bunch of different cities ♪
18
00:01:04,115 --> 00:01:05,236
♪ I got... ♪
19
00:01:38,785 --> 00:01:41,869
"Titties in my mouth.
I've got titties in my mouth.
20
00:01:43,341 --> 00:01:45,502
"I've got tig ol' bitties
From a bunch of different cities."
21
00:01:45,530 --> 00:01:47,002
- Thank you.
- All right, that's enough.
22
00:01:47,030 --> 00:01:48,382
That's sheer poetry.
Sheer poetry.
23
00:01:48,410 --> 00:01:49,704
- What's up guys?
- Hey, you guys.
24
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,288
- I'm Jordan Peele.
- I'm Keegan-Michael Key.
25
00:01:51,288 --> 00:01:53,288
- This is Key and Peele.
- Thank you.
26
00:01:58,622 --> 00:02:02,378
So, we are fans of action...
What's you favorite action...
27
00:02:02,461 --> 00:02:04,996
- Who's your favorite action star?
- My favorite action star is Tony Jaa.
28
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:07,024
- Tony Jaa.
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
29
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,080
- You know this guy?
- He's from Thailand,
30
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,698
and he's a dynamo, he's a firecracker.
He's always like, "Yaa!"
31
00:02:12,615 --> 00:02:15,803
I love all the Asian and black people
were, like, "Yeah, Tony Jaa."
32
00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:19,276
I like that you're bringing
that muay Thai out.
33
00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:20,748
Oh, muay Thai,
that's what he uses.
34
00:02:20,776 --> 00:02:22,776
- That's my jam right there.
- Do you like muay Thai?
35
00:02:22,832 --> 00:02:24,478
- Do you like muay Thai?
- Bip. Bip. Bip. Bip.
36
00:02:24,589 --> 00:02:26,303
- No, I've been learning?
- You're learning?
37
00:02:26,303 --> 00:02:28,000
I've been practicing
some of my techniques.
38
00:02:28,028 --> 00:02:30,958
Oh, have you been studying
muay Thai from a muay Thai master?
39
00:02:34,791 --> 00:02:36,791
You've been studying muay Thai
from a muay Thai master?
40
00:02:36,791 --> 00:02:39,854
On TV, yes. On TV.
They're on television.
41
00:02:39,854 --> 00:02:41,388
You can study them yourself.
42
00:02:42,061 --> 00:02:43,388
MMA.
43
00:02:45,471 --> 00:02:47,246
Are you studying...
What is this?
44
00:02:47,415 --> 00:02:49,272
- Sorry?
- Is that muay Thai chi?
45
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:50,906
I mean, right there? What is...?
46
00:02:51,706 --> 00:02:54,270
But this is... this is
good martial arts
47
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,479
if you're in the slo-mo section
of the film.
48
00:02:57,391 --> 00:03:00,560
Mmm-taka-taka-taka-taka.
Tang-taka-taka-taka-taka.
49
00:03:00,643 --> 00:03:03,587
Taka-taka-taka-taka
taka-taka-taka-taka.
50
00:03:03,948 --> 00:03:06,007
I've still got him,
I don't know what happened there.
51
00:03:06,813 --> 00:03:08,813
Okay, watch this, everybody.
52
00:03:42,145 --> 00:03:44,087
I was wondering
when I would come in here
53
00:03:44,115 --> 00:03:46,032
to find you
sitting in that chair.
54
00:03:48,782 --> 00:03:50,615
It wasn't easy
tracking you down, Decker.
55
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,804
Wasn't supposed to be.
56
00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,330
I know you've retired,
but...
57
00:03:57,386 --> 00:03:59,718
That's all behind me now,
General.
58
00:04:01,968 --> 00:04:04,921
I'm not the man you knew
during the Cold War.
59
00:04:04,977 --> 00:04:06,593
I understand.
60
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,138
We're now facing a threat unlike
any we've ever faced before.
61
00:04:11,249 --> 00:04:14,122
- A man with your expertise...
- I made a vow.
62
00:04:16,317 --> 00:04:18,703
Never to kill another
human being.
63
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,196
Sorry, General,
64
00:04:24,446 --> 00:04:26,503
gotta have to find
someone else.
65
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,244
Oh...
66
00:04:29,883 --> 00:04:33,252
No, we hmm...
we weren't thinking you'd do it.
67
00:04:33,752 --> 00:04:35,891
We were...
just hoping
68
00:04:36,002 --> 00:04:37,809
you cold recommend
someone for the job.
69
00:04:40,420 --> 00:04:42,279
I guess I could come out
of retirement.
70
00:04:42,776 --> 00:04:46,627
No. No need.
Just a recommendation will do.
71
00:04:46,710 --> 00:04:48,381
All right.
72
00:04:48,851 --> 00:04:50,075
I'll do it.
73
00:04:50,186 --> 00:04:52,186
You know, you're just
not what we're looking for.
74
00:04:52,297 --> 00:04:54,549
You sly son of a bitch.
75
00:04:55,299 --> 00:04:58,128
You always knew how
to push my buttons.
76
00:04:59,295 --> 00:05:02,838
- I'm in.
- Not you, Decker!
77
00:05:02,894 --> 00:05:04,312
I'm sharp as I ever was.
78
00:05:05,644 --> 00:05:08,264
Even faster too.
Grab my hand.
79
00:05:08,819 --> 00:05:09,702
Nope.
80
00:05:11,952 --> 00:05:13,648
Wait till I count
to three first.
81
00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:15,677
One.
82
00:05:15,927 --> 00:05:16,835
Two.
83
00:05:16,891 --> 00:05:17,961
Three.
84
00:05:18,795 --> 00:05:19,876
Okay.
85
00:05:20,349 --> 00:05:22,071
I want you to try
and slap me in the face.
86
00:05:22,268 --> 00:05:24,071
Unh! Wasn't ready for that.
87
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,333
Try again.
88
00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:31,123
- Unh! 'kay, you know what?
- You know what?
89
00:05:31,262 --> 00:05:32,602
Didn't have my adrenaline up.
90
00:05:32,685 --> 00:05:35,263
'cause this is not an actual
high-stakes situation.
91
00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:36,682
All right.
92
00:05:38,189 --> 00:05:39,682
Draw your weapon.
93
00:05:40,376 --> 00:05:42,263
And... disarmed.
94
00:05:47,290 --> 00:05:50,399
You're getting pretty quick.
And... disarmed. Okay.
95
00:05:51,066 --> 00:05:52,812
I don't need to take
your weapon.
96
00:05:55,118 --> 00:05:57,924
You know what?
Shoot me.
97
00:05:58,063 --> 00:05:59,899
I am not going to shoot you.
98
00:06:00,313 --> 00:06:02,888
- Wing me in the shoulder.
- This is ridiculous!
99
00:06:03,082 --> 00:06:05,791
Try, General,
see what happens.
100
00:06:08,763 --> 00:06:09,842
Deflected... Ooww!
101
00:06:12,009 --> 00:06:14,997
- Okay. I made a mistake coming here.
- Wing me in the other shoulder.
102
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,386
- I'd rather not.
- I insist.
103
00:06:17,969 --> 00:06:19,969
Deflected... Aaahh!
104
00:06:21,664 --> 00:06:23,664
That was because
my other arm was already injured.
105
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:27,056
- Okay. I'm leaving.
- All right.
106
00:06:27,139 --> 00:06:29,759
- All or nothing. Gut shot.
- No!
107
00:06:29,787 --> 00:06:31,309
Gut shot!
Come on!
108
00:06:31,364 --> 00:06:33,589
If you can shoot me in the gut,
I'll concede.
109
00:06:33,589 --> 00:06:36,201
- Decker, you have two wounded arms.
- Gut shot! Go!
110
00:06:37,422 --> 00:06:38,160
Got it.
111
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,001
You... you caught the bullet?
112
00:06:44,398 --> 00:06:45,917
Oh, yeah.
113
00:06:46,111 --> 00:06:47,567
So, you're telling me
that the bullet
114
00:06:47,623 --> 00:06:50,472
is in-between your hands
right now?
115
00:06:50,861 --> 00:06:52,861
That's what I'm telling you...
116
00:06:59,337 --> 00:07:00,802
Is that all you got?
117
00:07:01,525 --> 00:07:03,884
Come on. Head shot.
118
00:07:06,278 --> 00:07:07,968
Head shot.
Let's go.
119
00:07:08,523 --> 00:07:11,100
I'm ready. I wasn't...
Wait one sec. though.
120
00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:19,382
Okay, I just want people to be
straight with us and just admit...
121
00:07:19,438 --> 00:07:23,187
Who here has tormented
a substitute teacher?
122
00:07:25,408 --> 00:07:26,450
I don't understand why.
123
00:07:26,478 --> 00:07:29,210
I don't believe the people who are
raising their hands, by the way.
124
00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:31,266
- Right.
- They seem way too polite.
125
00:07:31,322 --> 00:07:34,333
I don't understand why. But why?
I've never understood why.
126
00:07:34,361 --> 00:07:37,006
I always tried to be polite
to the substitute teacher.
127
00:07:37,006 --> 00:07:39,663
Everybody had that kid
in school that was, like,
128
00:07:40,302 --> 00:07:42,274
- a real...
- a real rapscallion.
129
00:07:42,385 --> 00:07:45,726
- A rapscallion. A scallywag.
- Yeah. A jackanape.
130
00:07:45,754 --> 00:07:47,162
- Yeah.
- Mm-hm.
131
00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:49,634
I was the kid that was just
doodling in the corner.
132
00:07:49,745 --> 00:07:51,523
"What's up?"
You know, that was me.
133
00:07:52,162 --> 00:07:53,606
But I had...
I know you had one.
134
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,106
I had this kid who,
if a substitute teacher came,
135
00:07:56,162 --> 00:07:58,162
my man would be surfing
on the desk.
136
00:07:58,495 --> 00:08:00,326
No joke. My man would get up,
talking about...
137
00:08:02,938 --> 00:08:04,632
Looking him in the eye.
138
00:08:04,743 --> 00:08:06,743
Joey. Get off... Joey.
139
00:08:07,937 --> 00:08:10,769
Joey, get off the desk. Joey.
140
00:08:10,825 --> 00:08:12,938
Joey, get off the desk.
141
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:15,442
I'm telling you now
to get off the desk, Joey.
142
00:08:15,609 --> 00:08:18,524
Get off. Unbelievable.
Don't do that. Don't do that.
143
00:08:18,607 --> 00:08:20,297
- Probably in jail now.
Right.
144
00:08:22,392 --> 00:08:24,392
All right, listen up, y'all.
145
00:08:24,531 --> 00:08:26,920
I'm y'all's substitute teacher,
Mr. Garvey.
146
00:08:27,670 --> 00:08:30,392
I taught school for 20 years
in the inner city,
147
00:08:31,198 --> 00:08:33,059
so don't even think
about messing with me.
148
00:08:33,615 --> 00:08:35,854
- Y'all feel me?
- Mm-hmm.
149
00:08:35,937 --> 00:08:37,937
Okay. Let's take roll here.
150
00:08:39,187 --> 00:08:40,690
Jay Quellin.
151
00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:44,584
Where's Jay Quellin at?
152
00:08:45,134 --> 00:08:46,801
No Jay Quellin here?
153
00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:49,626
Yeah.
154
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,347
Uh, do you mean "Jacqueline"?
155
00:08:52,653 --> 00:08:54,905
Okay. So that's how it's gonna be.
156
00:08:55,183 --> 00:08:57,802
Y'all wanna play.
Okay, then.
157
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,940
I got my eyes on you,
Jay Quellin.
158
00:09:04,819 --> 00:09:06,079
Balakay.
159
00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:08,934
Where is Balakay at?
160
00:09:10,573 --> 00:09:12,291
There's no Balakay
here today?
161
00:09:14,152 --> 00:09:16,702
- Yes, sir.
- My name is Blake.
162
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:20,076
Bl...
Are you out of your goddamn mind?
163
00:09:21,007 --> 00:09:23,062
"Blake"!
What?
164
00:09:23,451 --> 00:09:25,561
- Do you wanna go to war, Balakey?
- No.
165
00:09:25,589 --> 00:09:27,334
- 'cause we could go to war.
- No.
166
00:09:27,417 --> 00:09:29,925
I'm for real.
I'm for real.
167
00:09:30,842 --> 00:09:32,675
So you better check yourself.
168
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,425
Dee-nice.
169
00:09:38,091 --> 00:09:39,612
Is there a Dee-Nice?
170
00:09:41,806 --> 00:09:45,278
If one of y'all says
some silly-ass name...
171
00:09:46,556 --> 00:09:49,427
This whole class
is gonna feel my wrath.
172
00:09:50,316 --> 00:09:53,002
- Now, Dee-Nice.
- Do you mean "Denise"?
173
00:09:56,371 --> 00:09:58,844
- You say your name right, right now.
- Denise?
174
00:09:59,038 --> 00:10:00,152
- You say it right.
- Denise.
175
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:00,989
- Correctly.
- Denise.
176
00:10:01,016 --> 00:10:01,669
- Right.
- Denise.
177
00:10:01,710 --> 00:10:03,293
- Right.
- Dee-Nice?
178
00:10:03,321 --> 00:10:04,786
That's better.
Thank you.
179
00:10:05,008 --> 00:10:07,816
Now, A.A. Ron.
180
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,153
Where are you?
181
00:10:10,467 --> 00:10:12,351
Where is A.A. Ron right now?
182
00:10:13,619 --> 00:10:14,866
No A. A. Ron, huh?
183
00:10:15,755 --> 00:10:19,194
Well, you better be sick,
dead or mute,
184
00:10:19,391 --> 00:10:22,140
- A.A. Ron.
- Here! Oh, man.
185
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,805
Why didn't you answer me
the first time I said it, huh?
186
00:10:26,049 --> 00:10:26,488
Huh?
187
00:10:26,616 --> 00:10:28,802
You know, I'm just asking you.
I said it, like, four times.
188
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:32,755
So, why didn't you say it
the first time I said, "A.A. Ron"?
189
00:10:35,466 --> 00:10:36,972
Because it's pronounced
"Aaron".
190
00:10:37,007 --> 00:10:38,891
Son of a bitch!
191
00:10:40,787 --> 00:10:42,576
You done messed up, A.A. Ron!
192
00:10:42,704 --> 00:10:45,292
Now take your ass on down
to Oh-Shag-Henessy's office,
193
00:10:45,443 --> 00:10:47,608
right now, and tell him exactly
what you did!
194
00:10:48,946 --> 00:10:51,160
- Who?
- Oh-Shag-Henessy!
195
00:10:52,684 --> 00:10:53,880
Principal O'Shaughnessy?
196
00:10:53,915 --> 00:10:57,952
Get out of my goddamn classroom
before I break my foot off in your ass!
197
00:10:58,103 --> 00:10:59,215
Insubordinate...
198
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,401
and churlish.
199
00:11:06,954 --> 00:11:07,871
Tym-Oh-Thee.
200
00:11:08,906 --> 00:11:11,094
- Present.
- Thank you.
201
00:11:12,979 --> 00:11:14,275
To the man of the hour.
202
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:18,455
Guys...
Best bachelor party ever!
203
00:11:20,254 --> 00:11:22,448
- Mm!
- Mm! Oh, yeah!
204
00:11:22,522 --> 00:11:24,056
- Whoo!
- Yeah! That's the stuff.
205
00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:26,795
- I can still do it.
- All right, fellas!
206
00:11:27,662 --> 00:11:31,607
What do you say...
we get a stripper?
207
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,353
- Yeah!
- All right!
208
00:11:34,852 --> 00:11:37,143
Trey, I told you man,
no strippers.
209
00:11:37,217 --> 00:11:38,734
Aw, is this a bachelor party
or isn't it?
210
00:11:38,808 --> 00:11:40,098
- Yeah!
- That's right!
211
00:11:40,141 --> 00:11:42,909
I'm your best man, there's no way
I'm gonna let you puss out
212
00:11:42,983 --> 00:11:44,436
on your own bachelor party.
213
00:11:44,485 --> 00:11:48,074
We're getting the strippers and
we're gonna connect the dots.
214
00:11:48,149 --> 00:11:50,872
- Yes!
- Connect the dots? What?
215
00:11:50,914 --> 00:11:53,856
Yeah...
Tinkertoy it, man.
216
00:11:53,902 --> 00:11:55,418
We're all behind her
217
00:11:55,577 --> 00:11:59,421
and then we all,
bup-bup-bup-bup. We go to town!
218
00:11:59,523 --> 00:12:01,638
- Yeah!
- We go to town!
219
00:12:01,715 --> 00:12:04,734
Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
What's "bup-bup-bup-bup"?
220
00:12:04,865 --> 00:12:07,721
Dude. You know. You're upfront,
then
221
00:12:08,221 --> 00:12:10,677
bup-bup-bup-bup!
Game on!
222
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,482
No. Hold up, hold up,
hold up. No.
223
00:12:14,982 --> 00:12:18,067
- What's the "bup-bup-bup-bup"?
- Yeah, yeah, what is that?
224
00:12:18,169 --> 00:12:19,315
Guys!
225
00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:23,700
This is Tommy's last night
of freedom!
226
00:12:23,802 --> 00:12:26,462
- Come on!
- What's "bup-bup-bup-bup", though?
227
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:30,746
You know...
Bup-bup-bup-bup.
228
00:12:31,104 --> 00:12:33,613
Okay, okay, okay, when you say
"bup-bup-bup-bup",
229
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:36,332
- are we... what are we... are we all...
- Linked up!
230
00:12:36,427 --> 00:12:40,120
Yeah! Baby elephant walk.
Whoo!
231
00:12:40,308 --> 00:12:42,393
Okay, okay, okay, um...
232
00:12:43,035 --> 00:12:44,737
Are you saying
233
00:12:44,925 --> 00:12:47,680
that we would all
be [bleep]ing each other?
234
00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:50,398
You don't understand
what I'm sayi...
235
00:12:50,614 --> 00:12:53,685
Oh, dude! Okay. Look.
Here it is, okay?
236
00:12:53,929 --> 00:12:56,527
- You're [bleep]ing the girl, right?
- Right.
237
00:12:56,629 --> 00:12:57,290
Yeah.
238
00:12:57,421 --> 00:13:00,331
Then, we bup-bup-bup-bup!
239
00:13:00,433 --> 00:13:01,628
That's it! Right there! Right there!
240
00:13:01,674 --> 00:13:03,155
Yeah, what the [bleep]?
I'm not doing that.
241
00:13:03,229 --> 00:13:04,277
You guys!
242
00:13:04,578 --> 00:13:07,558
Tommy's about to walk
the plank of marriage, all right?
243
00:13:07,575 --> 00:13:08,701
This is our last chance.
244
00:13:08,718 --> 00:13:10,603
Last chance for what?
I'm not gonna [bleep] a guy.
245
00:13:10,677 --> 00:13:14,615
No! Dude, we'd all
be [bleep]ing the girl.
246
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,748
- Oh, okay!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
247
00:13:17,901 --> 00:13:19,407
Together,
bup-bup-bup,bup.
248
00:13:19,449 --> 00:13:20,553
- No!
- No!
249
00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:23,478
See, but right there, Trey.
That's the weird part!
250
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:26,538
- The "bup-bup-bup-bup".
- Okay, I get it. I get it.
251
00:13:27,038 --> 00:13:29,437
You don't want to be disrespectful
to women. I get that.
252
00:13:29,511 --> 00:13:31,603
- That's not really the issue.
- Okay, forget the girl.
253
00:13:31,705 --> 00:13:34,809
Armenian conveyer belt: just the groom
and his groomsmen, bup-bup-bup-bup.
254
00:13:34,826 --> 00:13:36,048
- No!
- No!
255
00:13:36,122 --> 00:13:39,864
You kept the part that noboby wants!
The bup-bup-bup-bup!
256
00:13:39,938 --> 00:13:42,313
Yeah, I definitely don't want
to have sex with any of you guys!
257
00:13:42,387 --> 00:13:45,628
- Yeah, you're killing my buzz.
- Guys! What the [bleep], man!
258
00:13:45,759 --> 00:13:49,370
This is supposed to be Tommy's last
big celebration. No judgment.
259
00:13:49,387 --> 00:13:53,149
Judgment is not what is keeping us
from [bleep]ing each other!
260
00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:55,249
Jeez! Forget it, Trey!
261
00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:57,847
No! I'm saying, guys,
if you listen to my words,
262
00:13:57,978 --> 00:14:01,171
Tommy's in here [bleep]ing
the stripper. We're in the other room.
263
00:14:07,494 --> 00:14:08,687
- Bup-bup-bup-bup.
- No!
264
00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:11,357
No "bup-bup-bup-bup"!
Nobody wants the "bup-bup-bup-bup"!
265
00:14:11,431 --> 00:14:14,325
Well, that's all right.No bup-bup-bup-
bup, okay? No bup-bup-bup-bup.
266
00:14:14,399 --> 00:14:17,401
You're here [bleep]ing the stripper,
the rest of us are just
267
00:14:17,447 --> 00:14:19,167
- jiggy-jiggy-jiggy-jiggy...
- No!
268
00:14:19,241 --> 00:14:20,060
- Aah! No!
- No!
269
00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:22,380
Oh, my God!
You guys are so gay!
270
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,588
How do you think you would fare
if you went into the penal system?
271
00:14:31,796 --> 00:14:33,420
The penile system?
272
00:14:35,823 --> 00:14:37,613
I think if I went through
the penile system,
273
00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:39,630
I think the penile system
would go through me.
274
00:14:54,491 --> 00:14:57,820
Lewis Lawrence is beginning
his life sentence.
275
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:04,627
In order to survive,
he must join a gang.
276
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:08,205
(Lewis) Do you understand?
I know how it work, right?
277
00:15:08,364 --> 00:15:10,876
When you're in prison,
what you need is protection, right?
278
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:13,180
And the way to do that
is by getting into a gang.
279
00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:23,795
I was surprised to find out that
there is a bald gang in prison.
280
00:15:23,795 --> 00:15:26,881
They're gonna be my homies.
Talking about some B.B.W.W.
281
00:15:26,983 --> 00:15:28,983
"Bald brothers, what-what?"
282
00:15:32,238 --> 00:15:35,726
What's up, homie?
Nice haircut.
283
00:15:38,129 --> 00:15:39,928
Get the [bleep] outta here.
284
00:15:40,030 --> 00:15:43,049
I mean they haven't officially
asked me to be in the gang yet,
285
00:15:43,180 --> 00:15:45,095
'cause you need to earn
they respect first.
286
00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:47,737
Hey!
287
00:15:49,288 --> 00:15:53,149
You're in the wrong neighborhood,
you black mother[bleep]er.
288
00:15:59,580 --> 00:16:00,349
Aah!
289
00:16:00,378 --> 00:16:04,320
Step off my homies, mother[bleep]er,
or I'll [bleep] you up!
290
00:16:07,631 --> 00:16:09,631
What's up! What's up!
You know what I'm talkin' about!
291
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:13,780
Aah! Unh! Aah!
292
00:16:13,996 --> 00:16:16,592
So that was it right there, okay?
That's what they call a "jump in."
293
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,438
That's the initiation process.
294
00:16:18,497 --> 00:16:21,177
So, it's my understanding
that I'm now a member
295
00:16:21,249 --> 00:16:23,568
of the Bald Brotherhood gang,
okay?
296
00:16:24,794 --> 00:16:27,978
I mean, those mother[bleep]ers
beat the [bleep] out of me.
297
00:16:28,163 --> 00:16:29,945
That's a euphemism
you hear all the time.
298
00:16:30,319 --> 00:16:32,632
But you don't know if it's true,
it can't be true. How is it possible?
299
00:16:32,722 --> 00:16:36,697
But that mother[bleep]er, bip!
And diarrhea just went "Pssh"!,
300
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,286
right out my ass!
301
00:16:38,786 --> 00:16:42,273
So I hope... like, I hope that's,
like, lifetime dues right there.
302
00:16:42,332 --> 00:16:43,714
What the...?
303
00:16:43,773 --> 00:16:46,151
It's the happiest day of my life
is what I'm saying.
304
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:48,509
Despite the lack
of encouragement,
305
00:16:48,820 --> 00:16:52,552
Lewis continues to try and ingratiate
himself to the gang.
306
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,579
What? This long-haired bitch?
307
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:59,568
Yeah! That's what I'm talking
about, hero!
308
00:16:59,599 --> 00:17:01,534
Trying to creep up on
my bald brothers, bitch!
309
00:17:01,624 --> 00:17:03,624
I oughta kick you again.
What? What?
310
00:17:04,219 --> 00:17:06,575
Aah! Oh! Aah!
311
00:17:08,492 --> 00:17:11,682
Hey, you all right, man? You all right?
Come on, get up, get up.
312
00:17:11,804 --> 00:17:13,394
We got you, son. We got you, son.
313
00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:16,603
What? Man, get your hands off me,
you hair-having mother[bleep]er!
314
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:19,732
Aah! Aah! Man, get down there.
Unh! Unh!
315
00:17:19,829 --> 00:17:22,370
- Aah! Aah!
- Whoa! Unh!
316
00:17:27,383 --> 00:17:29,190
I mean, I think
317
00:17:29,190 --> 00:17:32,191
I accidentally got hit
by some of my bald brothers.
318
00:17:32,912 --> 00:17:34,912
Guards!
319
00:17:35,885 --> 00:17:38,959
That's right!
Bald brotherhood forever, man!
320
00:17:39,322 --> 00:17:40,402
'sup!
321
00:17:41,623 --> 00:17:42,966
But you know,
that's prison, man.
322
00:17:43,025 --> 00:17:45,313
I mean, you don't never know
what side it's coming from.
323
00:17:45,403 --> 00:17:48,658
Lewis has yet to make
any alliances.
324
00:17:49,724 --> 00:17:53,142
Meanwhile, an unprecedented
peace has been brokered
325
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:55,872
between black and white
prison gangs.
326
00:17:56,212 --> 00:17:58,850
The once unsurmountable
racial divide
327
00:17:58,909 --> 00:18:01,350
now bridged
by a mutual hatred...
328
00:18:02,817 --> 00:18:04,417
for Lewis.
329
00:18:17,136 --> 00:18:18,724
Dude!
330
00:18:19,737 --> 00:18:21,425
Hey, you going to Ray's party?
331
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,770
Yeah, I'm going.
332
00:18:23,983 --> 00:18:26,881
- You know Amy's gonna be there.
- Yeah, I know.
333
00:18:27,027 --> 00:18:29,641
Things have been real good with her,
man. Tonight could be the night.
334
00:18:30,141 --> 00:18:33,451
- Could be.
- Dude, are you okay?
335
00:18:35,212 --> 00:18:36,397
Not really, dude.
336
00:18:36,897 --> 00:18:39,827
What's wrong? You get the hottest
girl at a party with no parents.
337
00:18:39,854 --> 00:18:42,230
You're definitely gonna hit
that for sure tonight, man.
338
00:18:42,352 --> 00:18:45,360
- You're gonna lose that V. for good.
- My penis is white.
339
00:18:47,973 --> 00:18:51,994
- Excuse me?
- I have a white penis.
340
00:18:52,116 --> 00:18:53,828
What? But you're black.
341
00:18:54,486 --> 00:18:56,871
Nuh-uh. I'm bi-racial.
342
00:18:57,529 --> 00:18:59,722
All the white went straight
to my penis.
343
00:18:59,875 --> 00:19:02,979
That... what... what...
you mean, like, the color?
344
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,251
- Oh...
- Yeah.
345
00:19:08,373 --> 00:19:10,525
But wait, dude...
I mean...
346
00:19:11,309 --> 00:19:13,727
- how bad could it be?
- It's bad.
347
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,943
- How bad?
- It's like a Snickers.
348
00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:19,663
- Regular or fun size?
- Which one do you get at Halloween?
349
00:19:21,171 --> 00:19:23,015
- Fun size.
- That's the one.
350
00:19:23,168 --> 00:19:25,005
- [bleep]
- I know.
351
00:19:25,158 --> 00:19:27,158
What am I gonna do?
I mean, I...
352
00:19:28,383 --> 00:19:31,767
How am I gonna hit it with Amy
with my little white penis.
353
00:19:31,857 --> 00:19:35,072
Everyone's gonna find out and
I'm never gonna hear the end of it.
354
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:38,166
Dude, dude, dude. Amy's white.
She's not gonna care.
355
00:19:39,197 --> 00:19:42,368
- Really?
- Yeah. She's white.
356
00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:44,435
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
357
00:19:44,525 --> 00:19:48,199
I guess you're right. She's probably
not even gonna know the difference.
358
00:19:48,258 --> 00:19:51,835
Nah, man. White girl, white penis.
You're all good.
359
00:19:57,569 --> 00:20:00,158
Hey, there he is.
How'd it go last night?
360
00:20:00,248 --> 00:20:02,513
- Don't wanna talk about it.
- Well, what happened?
361
00:20:02,540 --> 00:20:04,155
Black vagina.
362
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,023
Happy?
363
00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:16,436
I just gotta get this off...
My girl, right here,
364
00:20:16,621 --> 00:20:19,580
Your mouth was agape
after "black vagina".
365
00:20:19,639 --> 00:20:21,413
She was just like...
366
00:20:24,971 --> 00:20:28,771
It's just, like... I've only seen...
In my whole life, I've only seen
367
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,861
Macaulay Culkin do that.
In my whole life.
368
00:20:31,361 --> 00:20:33,555
Serious, she was, like,
it was crazy.
369
00:20:35,032 --> 00:20:37,121
- All right, let's get outta here.
- Let's get outta here.
370
00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:39,947
You and I go to the bar,
couple of friends. And then, maybe...
371
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:41,757
- Bup-bup.
- Let's just bup-bup-bup-bup.
372
00:20:41,816 --> 00:20:42,542
Yeah.
373
00:20:42,635 --> 00:20:44,635
Good night, everybody.
374
00:20:57,335 --> 00:20:59,776
♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪
375
00:21:00,118 --> 00:21:01,734
Oh, yeah.
29019
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