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1
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:06,820
Looking a bit thoughtful, Clegg.
2
00:00:06,820 --> 00:00:08,580
It's the view.
3
00:00:08,580 --> 00:00:12,500
Scenery like this starts a man
thinking. Fills him with wonder.
4
00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:15,200
Lifts his mind.
Raises it to higher things.
5
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,460
I know exactly what you mean.
6
00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:22,740
Actually, the truth is I was
thinking how I've lost
7
00:00:22,740 --> 00:00:27,460
all confidence in Dr Driscoll's
Patent Fiery Rubbing Cream.
8
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:29,220
Told you.
9
00:00:29,220 --> 00:00:33,440
Dr Driscoll's? I should think
you have lost faith in it.
10
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:37,200
Everybody else went off it about
the time Queen Victoria died.
11
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,460
Was that fair do you think?
12
00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:44,580
Her Majesty was nearly 100.
13
00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:49,120
You can't expect Dr Driscoll
to guarantee beyond that.
14
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,540
My mother used to use it on me.
15
00:00:51,540 --> 00:00:53,480
It burns, I know that much.
16
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,960
It was like being
rubbed with nettles.
17
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,700
That was the theory in those days.
18
00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:02,060
If it didn't hurt,
it wasn't any good for you.
19
00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:05,800
The former Mrs Truelove held
the same view about marriage.
20
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,420
What's that for?
I don't want to talk about it.
21
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:51,900
Oh.
22
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:02,260
What's that for...? He doesn't
want to talk about it.
23
00:02:02,260 --> 00:02:04,820
If that's his wish,
we have to respect it.
24
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,840
So why don't you tell me?
25
00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:11,140
He hasn't told me.
Suffering in silence?
26
00:02:11,140 --> 00:02:15,740
He's making a meal of it, isn't he?
I don't want to talk about it.
27
00:02:15,740 --> 00:02:17,760
Well, I'm sure we don't care.
28
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,980
There's nobody here
with any wish to pry.
29
00:02:20,980 --> 00:02:24,480
Tell him if it's in confidence,
I can keep a secret.
30
00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:27,060
Tell her I couldn't give
her anything to keep.
31
00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:28,920
I couldn't afford it.
32
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:37,780
I think we've known each other long
enough, Norman, for me to enquire,
33
00:02:37,780 --> 00:02:43,260
where exactly did you apply
Dr Driscoll's Patent
Fiery Rubbing Cream?
34
00:02:43,260 --> 00:02:46,720
Well, usually it was in
the bathroom.
35
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,280
I can't imagine it being your own
choice of medication.
36
00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,640
No, you're quite right.
It was Mrs Clegg's.
37
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:57,740
In those days,
the peak of togetherness was having
38
00:02:57,740 --> 00:03:02,120
your back rubbed with something
that either smelt bad or burned.
39
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,560
You thought it was medicinal,
didn't you?
40
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:09,040
Actually, it was witchcraft. That's
how they secure their hold on you.
41
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:14,180
You think Doctor Driscoll's
was a magic potion?
42
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:17,260
You never felt like wandering off
to other women, did you?
43
00:03:17,260 --> 00:03:19,000
I rest my case.
44
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:23,160
There's no wonder Doctor Driscoll's
not popular these days.
45
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,880
What did your wife use?
46
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:28,120
Mostly she used to rub me up
the wrong way.
47
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,220
You still think of her as yours,
then?
48
00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:32,440
It's like an old wound, isn't it?
49
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,620
You get a twinge now and again.
50
00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:36,940
Was there never anyone else?
51
00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:43,460
There was this lady from Willesden
I used to arrest occasionally.
We got quite friendly.
52
00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:45,120
She couldn't resist the uniform.
53
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,000
She could resist it
very effectively.
54
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,660
I've still got the marks.
55
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,460
I'm glad I found you in, Cleggy.
56
00:03:53,460 --> 00:03:57,180
ROBOTIC VOICE: This is not me,
Howard. This is a working model
57
00:03:57,180 --> 00:04:02,600
which I had made to be unhelpful to
Howard if he comes in-in-in...
58
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,760
And I'm out as well. So am I.
59
00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:09,300
All I want is to ask if
I can bring my bike in?
60
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:12,900
You want to ride
round my living room?
61
00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:16,100
I just want somewhere
to leave it for a while.
62
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,140
I should check it thoroughly.
63
00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:21,160
He's probably got
Marina in the saddlebag.
64
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,800
What's wrong with where
you usually leave it?
65
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:28,920
This is another one. I don't want
Pearl to know about it just yet.
66
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,180
You've got a secret bicycle?
67
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:36,980
And I'd like to keep it that way
for a few hours until I can make
Pearl understand what I'm after.
68
00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:40,000
Oh, I think she'll be
ahead of you on that.
69
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,240
Can I bring it in?
70
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,920
All right, bring it in.
71
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,240
But I want it gone before bedtime.
72
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,700
Two bicycles. He must be expanding.
73
00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,280
Yes.
74
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,740
Into my living room!
75
00:04:55,740 --> 00:04:59,220
Just what you need... a bicycle!
76
00:05:03,740 --> 00:05:05,220
Howard!
77
00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:13,360
I loved that bit in the book
when he threw her over
his saddle and galloped away.
78
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,020
Yes. They were always doing that.
79
00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:19,160
Personally I think it sounds
very uncomfortable.
80
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:24,680
Oh, I know, but if you've got to be
uncomfortable, that's the way to go.
81
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:30,640
With my luck,
if anyone threw me over their
saddle, I'd sail straight over.
82
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,580
I know what you mean.
83
00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:35,740
I've been thrown over
a bicycle saddle,
84
00:05:35,740 --> 00:05:39,520
but that was panic not passion.
85
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:43,220
I've been tossed about
in a Morris Minor,
86
00:05:43,220 --> 00:05:45,220
but it's not the same.
87
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,420
For a start, there's the gear lever.
88
00:05:48,420 --> 00:05:49,940
Been there.
89
00:05:49,940 --> 00:05:52,120
Done that.
90
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,260
Didn't you find it cramped?
91
00:05:55,860 --> 00:06:01,000
I find the whole modern world
cramped. Shrunken, diminished.
92
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:07,680
It lacks poetry,
elegance, manners, grace.
93
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:13,020
The men think it can all
be replaced by aftershave.
94
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:15,920
Behaving badly has
never smelt so good.
95
00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:26,840
I know the weather forecast said
there was a deep depression
approaching, but he's overdoing it.
96
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,360
He doesn't want to talk about it.
97
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,460
What have you got
on life after death?
98
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,300
Oh, you poor love.
99
00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:41,320
Be of good cheer.
100
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:45,660
There are still a few resourceful
persons who can help you forget.
101
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,740
It's very dark in here
for the time of year.
102
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:58,240
Come on, Cleggy.
I'd do the same for you.
103
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:05,200
Oh, yes. There's every chance of
my landing up on your doorstep
with an unlawful motor bike.
104
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,120
Just give me time to organise Pearl.
105
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,060
Organise Pearl.
106
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:12,660
You've had 50 years
and where are you?
107
00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:18,480
I mean, if I give way on
this, what's next? A minibus?
108
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,360
I didn't want Pearl
to see it just yet.
109
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:25,120
And I don't want to see
oil stains on my carpet.
110
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,760
There'll be blood on my carpet.
111
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,260
As long as it's only yours.
112
00:07:32,260 --> 00:07:34,920
You think you've got friends.
113
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:38,900
You see how little grasp
of reality the man has.
114
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,880
Hello, love. I know that voice.
115
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:52,040
It's your guilty one.
What are you hiding?
116
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,800
ALL: Hiding?
117
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:57,220
You sound like a chorus.
Who's conducting?
118
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,900
I bet he is.
119
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,780
More like first fiddle.
120
00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:09,780
Moment of truth, Howard.
You're on your own.
121
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,980
Let's see you wriggle out of this!
122
00:08:17,420 --> 00:08:19,920
So that's what you're up to!
123
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:24,220
Yes, love. Just admiring
Cleggy's new motor bike.
124
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:30,820
I think it shows great spirit
taking up biking at his age.
125
00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:35,380
I'll kill him.
126
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,160
They're coming here?
127
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,720
It's just a few ladies for coffee.
128
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,700
A few ladies?
You think that's nothing?
129
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:50,160
That's like calling Genghis Khan
a tour organiser. Oh, Barry.
130
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:51,720
They won't interfere with you.
131
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:55,540
They'll be looking everywhere
for clues. Clues to what?
132
00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:58,340
For evidence that I...
133
00:08:58,340 --> 00:09:01,820
that I'm ill-treating you.
They know we have a good marriage.
134
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:04,380
They don't believe
in good marriages.
135
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:06,380
They never noticed they had one.
136
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,460
They were used to harder times.
137
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:12,060
They daren't admit to liking
anything in case it got taken away.
138
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:18,100
Just don't fall or
run into anything.
139
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,480
If they see with you a bandage,
140
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:21,940
I've had it.
141
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:32,460
I fancy a crack at one of these.
142
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:34,260
They're so damned noisy.
143
00:09:34,260 --> 00:09:35,740
I thought that was you.
144
00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:40,980
I had a marriage that was
played on the loud pedal.
145
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:45,940
Fancy having the kind of lady friend
for which you need a track bike!
146
00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:48,340
Oh, dear.
147
00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:52,380
Do you think Howard is ready
for even rougher country?
148
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:53,960
I wish he'd try Alaska.
149
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,680
DOORBELL RINGS
Have you got room
for a bike in there?
150
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:07,100
We'd keep it ourselves, of course,
if it wasn't so filthy.
151
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:10,960
But full of excitement
and prospects of adventure.
152
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,160
Not for you, Tom, of course.
Some other wally.
153
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,080
Not just some other wally.
154
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,020
This is Major Wally.
155
00:10:21,940 --> 00:10:23,900
Bring it in.
156
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:28,240
I always felt that what this place
really needs is a tatty track bike.
157
00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:36,860
He's a trifle low profile today,
isn't he? What's up with him?
158
00:10:36,860 --> 00:10:39,320
He doesn't want to talk about it.
159
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:43,400
We'll see about that. It used to
be my business making people talk.
160
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,780
It's stopping some
people that's the trouble.
161
00:10:47,822 --> 00:10:49,842
Biker gear?
162
00:10:49,842 --> 00:10:51,722
For you?
163
00:10:51,722 --> 00:10:54,382
Yes, of course, for me.
164
00:10:54,382 --> 00:11:00,902
Although just in case
the situation arises,
perhaps a second helmet for a friend.
165
00:11:00,902 --> 00:11:03,262
Oh! That kind of biker gear!
166
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,502
Something lean and mean.
167
00:11:05,502 --> 00:11:11,262
I want to look like I was born for
the saddle of a powerful machine.
168
00:11:11,262 --> 00:11:13,162
You fell off that motor mower.
169
00:11:14,722 --> 00:11:16,422
Only once.
170
00:11:16,422 --> 00:11:19,642
I swerved to avoid a mole.
171
00:11:19,642 --> 00:11:21,802
All right. If you're determined.
172
00:11:21,802 --> 00:11:28,382
Now, in the interests of road
safety, I think we should determine
how much you're prepared to spend.
173
00:11:28,382 --> 00:11:30,902
Well...
HE SWALLOWS
174
00:11:30,902 --> 00:11:34,142
Financial panic. I know it well.
175
00:11:34,142 --> 00:11:38,822
There's one voice saying,
"do it", and another saying,
"you can't afford it".
176
00:11:38,822 --> 00:11:42,562
My advice is ignore number two.
177
00:11:42,562 --> 00:11:45,462
Image matters. I want to look good.
178
00:11:45,462 --> 00:11:49,182
I want to look like hell on wheels.
179
00:11:49,182 --> 00:11:51,362
But on a budget.
180
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:54,922
Budget won't get you
past Meals On Wheels.
181
00:12:00,542 --> 00:12:03,402
Fancy leaving that here!
182
00:12:03,402 --> 00:12:08,562
Anybody half drunk could do himself
a nasty on a thing like that.
183
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:12,402
I once fell over Charlie Trimingham.
184
00:12:12,402 --> 00:12:14,642
Everybody used to fall
over Charlie Trimingham.
185
00:12:14,642 --> 00:12:17,562
I thought he always went to sleep
outside the King's Head.
186
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,402
He used to get thrown out
of this place as well.
187
00:12:20,402 --> 00:12:23,102
He looked a right old wreck.
Look who's talking.
188
00:12:23,102 --> 00:12:26,502
I thought you said that was me.
189
00:12:26,502 --> 00:12:29,622
Don't fret.
I think you could call it a tie.
190
00:12:29,622 --> 00:12:31,662
Seems only fair.
191
00:12:31,662 --> 00:12:34,982
And you've looked
worse for longer, Smiler.
192
00:12:34,982 --> 00:12:36,562
You see!
193
00:12:36,562 --> 00:12:38,742
I knew it was me.
194
00:12:38,742 --> 00:12:40,662
Let's get this man inside.
195
00:12:40,662 --> 00:12:43,542
He badly needs some cheer.
196
00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:45,642
Pablo!
197
00:12:47,822 --> 00:12:49,422
Who's he calling Pablo?
198
00:12:49,422 --> 00:12:52,842
You grow one little moustache
and they start calling you Pablo.
199
00:12:52,842 --> 00:12:54,962
I miss him.
200
00:12:54,962 --> 00:12:57,402
Let's get this straight.
201
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,462
Is this why the armband.
202
00:12:59,462 --> 00:13:01,482
You've recently lost a Pablo?
203
00:13:01,482 --> 00:13:03,462
Could happen to anyone.
204
00:13:03,462 --> 00:13:06,402
Two years ago today.
205
00:13:06,402 --> 00:13:09,362
I buried him in the garden.
206
00:13:12,102 --> 00:13:14,042
You have the right to remain silent.
207
00:13:14,042 --> 00:13:16,602
Oh, let him finish.
208
00:13:16,602 --> 00:13:18,482
It's just getting interesting.
209
00:13:18,482 --> 00:13:21,782
Not for Pablo.
Did you know about this?
210
00:13:21,782 --> 00:13:25,542
I know it was the first time
he'd ever done any gardening.
211
00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:27,402
So who was Pablo?
212
00:13:27,402 --> 00:13:30,402
Oh!
213
00:13:30,402 --> 00:13:33,202
He doesn't want to talk about it.
214
00:13:33,202 --> 00:13:36,482
They always talk finally
to Truly of the Yard.
215
00:13:47,262 --> 00:13:50,182
If he smiles,
it's like a confession.
216
00:13:50,182 --> 00:13:51,962
It means he's up to something.
217
00:13:51,962 --> 00:13:53,942
You prefer him miserable?
218
00:13:53,942 --> 00:13:55,442
Every time.
219
00:13:57,742 --> 00:14:00,962
There you go. I see what you mean.
220
00:14:00,962 --> 00:14:03,962
I thought I'd just
go for a bit of exercise.
221
00:14:03,962 --> 00:14:06,082
Not on the motorbike then?
222
00:14:07,662 --> 00:14:09,982
Motorbike? Give over!
223
00:14:09,982 --> 00:14:13,102
You're not telling me Norman
Clegg's bought a motorbike.
224
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:16,482
People get these impulses.
225
00:14:16,482 --> 00:14:21,262
Well, I hope yours aren't
getting any bigger than you can
manage on a pedal cycle.
226
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:29,022
A mouse?
227
00:14:29,022 --> 00:14:31,242
Pablo was a mouse?
228
00:14:31,242 --> 00:14:34,602
You're wearing a
black armband for a mouse?
229
00:14:34,602 --> 00:14:36,162
I like it.
230
00:14:36,162 --> 00:14:40,182
I used to have a robin like that.
It would feed on my windowsill.
231
00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:44,582
Alvin understands. It doesn't
matter what it is if you love it.
232
00:14:44,582 --> 00:14:46,522
How did you find this mouse?
233
00:14:46,522 --> 00:14:49,482
Was it fate,
or did you use computer dating?
234
00:14:51,062 --> 00:14:54,962
Pablo was in this pet shop window
and he looked at me.
235
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,962
That's all it took.
236
00:14:56,962 --> 00:15:00,602
It's a good job the shop owner
didn't give you the same look.
237
00:15:01,682 --> 00:15:03,402
A mouse!
238
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:06,882
Have you any explanation
for this morbid attraction?
239
00:15:06,882 --> 00:15:09,282
The world's a lonely place.
240
00:15:09,282 --> 00:15:11,602
We're all looking for
something to cherish.
241
00:15:11,602 --> 00:15:15,322
I was hoping for
something bigger than mouse.
242
00:15:15,322 --> 00:15:18,322
What kind of a conversation
can you have with a mouse?
243
00:15:18,322 --> 00:15:21,962
What kind of conversation
can anybody have with you?
244
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:25,442
He gets to the end of a sentence,
and he's forgotten where he began.
245
00:15:25,442 --> 00:15:27,962
Well, I've finished with that bit.
246
00:15:29,542 --> 00:15:32,442
Had you had any
previous mouse experience?
247
00:15:32,442 --> 00:15:37,582
No. Apart from once with a couple
in the back of the settee.
248
00:15:37,582 --> 00:15:39,322
But this was different.
249
00:15:39,322 --> 00:15:43,462
Pablo was this lovely
golden corn colour.
250
00:15:43,462 --> 00:15:46,302
It's a love story. You can tell.
251
00:15:46,302 --> 00:15:47,942
The man's an idiot.
252
00:15:47,942 --> 00:15:50,202
But an idiot in love.
253
00:15:50,202 --> 00:15:51,722
Big ears.
254
00:15:51,722 --> 00:15:55,162
Great big round ears.
255
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:57,662
How did you know it
was South American?
256
00:15:57,662 --> 00:15:59,942
Did it have this big hat?
257
00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:03,222
Very fluid at the Mariachi, was it?
258
00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:05,162
It was South American.
259
00:16:05,162 --> 00:16:07,542
It said so on the cage.
260
00:16:07,542 --> 00:16:10,242
Didn't you realise
they don't live long?
261
00:16:11,802 --> 00:16:14,082
You know what love's like.
262
00:16:14,082 --> 00:16:18,222
You don't look to the future,
you just go for it.
263
00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:20,062
Oh, get some drink down you.
264
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,842
You're breaking my heart.
265
00:16:29,642 --> 00:16:32,602
How long are we supposed
to hang onto this?
266
00:16:32,602 --> 00:16:35,142
He tends to slide
through your fingers.
267
00:16:35,142 --> 00:16:36,822
Don't let me fall.
268
00:16:36,822 --> 00:16:39,282
They'll think
I'm Charlie Trimingham.
269
00:16:39,282 --> 00:16:41,362
Oh! Put him down somewhere!
270
00:16:41,362 --> 00:16:43,882
Where do you put a person
who's mourning a mouse?
271
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:14,262
You've got to help me, Cleggy.
272
00:17:14,262 --> 00:17:16,642
I think Pearl's becoming suspicious.
273
00:17:16,642 --> 00:17:18,422
Of you?
274
00:17:18,422 --> 00:17:20,642
Now, why should she do that?
275
00:17:20,642 --> 00:17:23,502
So if Pearl could just see
you in biker gear, Cleggy.
276
00:17:23,502 --> 00:17:25,502
Just once should be enough.
277
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,542
Try more than enough.
278
00:17:27,542 --> 00:17:29,562
The answer is no, Howard.
279
00:17:29,562 --> 00:17:33,522
And if Pearl could just see you
tinkering with it.
280
00:17:33,522 --> 00:17:38,062
As long as it means I don't
have to tinker with Marina.
281
00:17:38,062 --> 00:17:40,522
She's not the tinkering kind.
282
00:17:40,522 --> 00:17:43,802
Are you sure you've been
reading the right handbook?
283
00:18:08,642 --> 00:18:11,502
Barry!
284
00:18:11,502 --> 00:18:15,082
They're just ladies, Barry.
My friends.
285
00:18:15,082 --> 00:18:18,002
I thought I was your friend.
286
00:18:18,002 --> 00:18:20,262
How can you do this to your friends?
287
00:18:20,262 --> 00:18:21,842
Surprise them.
288
00:18:21,842 --> 00:18:24,222
Don't be shy. Be firm.
289
00:18:24,222 --> 00:18:28,902
Dominate the conversation for a
few minutes and then you can go.
290
00:18:28,902 --> 00:18:30,202
OK.
291
00:18:30,202 --> 00:18:32,002
OK?
292
00:18:32,002 --> 00:18:34,422
If that's what you want.
293
00:18:50,642 --> 00:18:52,362
Pearl's inside.
294
00:18:52,362 --> 00:18:56,542
All he has to do is walk past
the window in his biker's gear.
295
00:18:56,542 --> 00:18:59,702
You can do that, Clegg, one window!
296
00:18:59,702 --> 00:19:01,342
It's a new you, Cleggy.
297
00:19:01,342 --> 00:19:02,862
We're all impressed.
298
00:19:02,862 --> 00:19:05,842
You're sure there's nobody out
there?
299
00:19:05,842 --> 00:19:07,542
There's Tom on his trolley.
300
00:19:07,542 --> 00:19:09,482
And he's off his trolley.
301
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,322
You can trust us, we're your friends.
302
00:19:12,322 --> 00:19:16,002
That's just a little phrase
I picked-up from
some double-glazing salesmen.
303
00:19:25,682 --> 00:19:28,942
If I should be seen,
304
00:19:28,942 --> 00:19:33,762
it must be explained that
I am temporarily insane.
305
00:19:33,762 --> 00:19:39,842
It is a fate that overtakes anybody
who lives next door to Howard.
306
00:19:41,402 --> 00:19:43,482
She's not in.
307
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:45,842
Thank you and goodnight.
308
00:19:48,182 --> 00:19:50,702
She'll be at Glenda's for coffee.
309
00:19:50,702 --> 00:19:55,122
Can we just do a stroll
past Glenda's? A stroll?
310
00:19:55,122 --> 00:19:58,922
You don't stroll dressed like this.
311
00:19:58,922 --> 00:20:05,102
You arm-wrestle with people who
wear chains and big tattoos and
312
00:20:05,102 --> 00:20:08,022
that's only the women.
313
00:20:08,022 --> 00:20:10,182
Sounds like my Shirley.
314
00:20:10,182 --> 00:20:12,142
You had a Shirley?
315
00:20:12,142 --> 00:20:19,322
She was only on loan
while her boyfriend was in hospital
and she was between bikes.
316
00:20:19,322 --> 00:20:22,342
I do enjoy a good love story.
317
00:20:22,342 --> 00:20:27,102
Me too,
but it gets harder all the time.
318
00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:29,422
Come on, Cleggy! No, no, no.
319
00:20:29,422 --> 00:20:33,202
I'm not walking round to
Glenda's dressed like this.
320
00:20:33,202 --> 00:20:36,202
Perhaps man with truck
can be of service.
321
00:20:39,222 --> 00:20:41,502
How long you keep Tom in trolley?
322
00:20:41,502 --> 00:20:44,022
Don't wake him.
He's trying to forget a mouse.
323
00:20:44,022 --> 00:20:47,242
The cheque's in post.
324
00:20:47,242 --> 00:20:49,602
We can ride round in the truck.
325
00:20:49,602 --> 00:20:51,482
Nobody's going to see you, Cleggy.
326
00:20:51,482 --> 00:20:53,662
Because I shan't be there.
327
00:20:53,662 --> 00:20:56,482
Very slippery these bikers.
328
00:20:56,482 --> 00:21:00,542
Need firm grip. Round the throat.
329
00:21:00,542 --> 00:21:02,742
Where's your truck, Entwhistle?
330
00:21:02,742 --> 00:21:04,202
On road.
331
00:21:09,262 --> 00:21:12,682
On way back, we can call,
get him tattoo.
332
00:21:14,962 --> 00:21:17,262
Is there room for one more?
333
00:21:17,262 --> 00:21:20,962
I thought I saw
your Barry when we came in.
334
00:21:20,962 --> 00:21:24,322
Yes, he'll be popping in in
a minute. He's on the computer.
335
00:21:24,322 --> 00:21:26,942
He does quite a bit
of work now from home.
336
00:21:26,942 --> 00:21:29,462
They do that these days.
337
00:21:29,462 --> 00:21:31,522
They come home to go to work.
338
00:21:31,522 --> 00:21:34,382
I'll never understand life any more.
339
00:21:34,382 --> 00:21:37,142
Did you ever understand life?
340
00:21:37,142 --> 00:21:39,342
Enough to get by.
341
00:21:39,342 --> 00:21:42,062
And that's enough for anybody.
342
00:21:42,062 --> 00:21:46,522
I've always left
understanding life to Travis.
343
00:21:46,522 --> 00:21:49,402
You have to give
them something to do.
344
00:21:49,402 --> 00:21:52,742
In my experience they'll
find something anyway.
345
00:21:52,742 --> 00:21:54,522
Doesn't Howard have a hobby?
346
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,182
Oh, he does,
347
00:21:56,182 --> 00:22:01,522
but I try to ensure that he gets
little opportunity to practise it.
348
00:22:01,522 --> 00:22:04,502
My Barry often thinks about life.
349
00:22:04,502 --> 00:22:07,542
I catch him staring into space.
350
00:22:07,542 --> 00:22:11,462
He says it fills him
with awe and wonder.
351
00:22:11,462 --> 00:22:17,522
Fills him, does it? I bet he still
doesn't miss many meals. They don't.
352
00:22:17,522 --> 00:22:21,802
They've got biological clocks
that need winding every four hours.
353
00:22:21,802 --> 00:22:24,802
And a tweak between meals.
354
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:27,082
Travis is quite a dainty eater.
355
00:22:27,082 --> 00:22:30,382
I sometimes think he's
more ladylike than me.
356
00:22:30,382 --> 00:22:33,582
My Barry's quite good with a napkin.
357
00:22:33,582 --> 00:22:35,782
You can hardly see where he's been.
358
00:22:35,782 --> 00:22:38,602
I was brought up in the old school.
359
00:22:38,602 --> 00:22:42,982
I never believe they've enjoyed
it if they don't splash a bit.
360
00:22:42,982 --> 00:22:46,102
It's all right
until you take them anywhere.
361
00:22:46,102 --> 00:22:49,942
Then you spend all the time
applying their handbrake.
362
00:22:49,942 --> 00:22:52,042
Weddings are the worst.
363
00:22:52,042 --> 00:22:56,962
There are people in lovely new
clothes and things on the menu
364
00:22:56,962 --> 00:23:01,362
that you just know your husband's
never going to be able to resist.
365
00:23:01,362 --> 00:23:04,002
Weddings are difficult.
366
00:23:04,002 --> 00:23:07,782
If I get a new hat,
Travis thinks there's another man.
367
00:23:07,782 --> 00:23:10,302
You should get hats like Nora's.
368
00:23:10,302 --> 00:23:11,822
What's wrong with my hats?
369
00:23:11,822 --> 00:23:16,842
Nothing, but you have to admit
they're above suspicion.
370
00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:31,782
Just needs good kick.
371
00:23:31,782 --> 00:23:34,522
My feelings exactly.
372
00:23:38,522 --> 00:23:40,382
Here, hold the bike steady.
373
00:23:40,382 --> 00:23:44,262
I'll handle the throttle.
Alvin, you kick the starter.
374
00:23:44,262 --> 00:23:46,482
BIKE STARTS
375
00:23:48,082 --> 00:23:51,442
Give it some wrist!
Attract the ladies' attention.
376
00:23:51,442 --> 00:23:56,642
I shall attract enough attention
just dressed like this.
377
00:23:56,642 --> 00:24:00,482
We're not asking for wheelies,
Cleggy, just rev her up a bit.
378
00:24:03,342 --> 00:24:05,922
BIKE REVS NOISILY
379
00:24:05,922 --> 00:24:08,082
Do they do sandwiches?
380
00:24:09,702 --> 00:24:12,082
REVS CONTINUE
381
00:24:16,002 --> 00:24:20,022
I wonder where Shirley is now?
382
00:24:20,022 --> 00:24:23,082
Never mind Shirley.
Better wonder where Tom is now?
383
00:24:23,082 --> 00:24:24,562
Let's get after him!
384
00:24:32,902 --> 00:24:34,842
ENGINE TURNS OVER
385
00:24:36,362 --> 00:24:38,922
ENGINE SPLUTTERS
386
00:24:40,802 --> 00:24:43,162
Off you go then, Cleggy.
It's down to you now.
387
00:24:52,262 --> 00:24:53,722
It IS Cleggy.
388
00:25:25,202 --> 00:25:27,102
I don't want to do that again.
389
00:25:27,102 --> 00:25:29,082
I got you back, didn't I?
390
00:25:29,082 --> 00:25:31,802
Got us lost first
though, didn't you?
391
00:25:31,802 --> 00:25:34,842
Lost?
I don't want to hear that word.
392
00:25:34,842 --> 00:25:37,222
This is our patch.
We don't get lost.
393
00:25:37,222 --> 00:25:40,782
There's a lot of open space on
those moors. We were just...
394
00:25:40,782 --> 00:25:43,702
temporarily disoriented.
395
00:25:43,702 --> 00:25:45,262
I like that.
396
00:25:45,262 --> 00:25:48,622
That sounds much better than lost.
397
00:25:48,622 --> 00:25:50,822
But we were still lost, weren't we?
398
00:25:50,822 --> 00:25:52,862
I was not lost.
399
00:25:52,862 --> 00:25:55,642
Well, I were and
you were sitting next to me.
400
00:25:57,222 --> 00:26:00,222
It were very embarrassing
following that kid on his bicycle.
401
00:26:00,222 --> 00:26:02,202
It was better than
asking directions.
402
00:26:02,202 --> 00:26:05,042
I draw the line at asking
a kid for directions.
403
00:26:05,042 --> 00:26:07,862
I just wish he hadn't
walked up every hill.
404
00:26:07,862 --> 00:26:12,122
The hills were bad,
but I should have cracked him
for picking blackberries.
405
00:26:12,122 --> 00:26:14,642
Still, he knew where good ones were.
406
00:26:16,222 --> 00:26:21,962
You do know your lips are purple,
don't you? As bad as yours?
407
00:26:50,562 --> 00:26:52,262
Hello, ladies.
408
00:26:52,262 --> 00:26:54,122
Now, don't get up.
409
00:26:54,122 --> 00:26:56,482
Oh, hark at me.
Why should you get up?
410
00:26:56,482 --> 00:26:59,122
You're the ladies.
It's me that should be up.
411
00:26:59,122 --> 00:27:01,342
I am up. Well, there you go!
412
00:27:01,342 --> 00:27:05,762
Seeing as I'm up, I thought,
Barry, why don't you pop in
and say hello to the ladies?
413
00:27:05,762 --> 00:27:08,402
So consider this a pop.
Thank you, Barry.
414
00:27:08,402 --> 00:27:10,622
Make yourselves at home.
There'll always be a welcome.
415
00:27:10,622 --> 00:27:12,462
Thank you, Barry, that will do.
416
00:27:12,462 --> 00:27:14,122
I could chat all day.
417
00:27:14,122 --> 00:27:15,602
Go, Barry!
418
00:27:21,322 --> 00:27:23,682
I don't usually
get off at this stop.
419
00:28:44,942 --> 00:28:47,922
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